Podcast Summary: The Diary Of A CEO — Buddhist Monk Reveals How To Break Free From Pain and Anger

Most Replayed Moment | Released: February 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this profound excerpt from The Diary Of A CEO, host Steven Bartlett (A) sits down with a Buddhist monk (B) to explore the Buddhist approach to overcoming suffering—especially pain, anger, and trauma. The conversation dives deep into the transformative practices of dropping personal narratives, integrating difficult emotions, and accessing compassion, even in the face of immense grief or injustice. Listeners are guided through the real-life struggles and insights gained by the monk during a transformative four-year retreat, including the death of his mentor and how radical acceptance and self-love became the keys to healing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Illusion of Identity and the Buddhist Perspective on Victimhood

• Describing Emptiness: The Buddhist notion of “emptiness” is the realization that our identities and life circumstances are less solid than we perceive. Suffering often comes from attachment to these illusions.
• Victimhood & the Past: We become prisoners of our past experiences, but Buddhism asserts that “you are not your past. Even on a physical level, every cell in your body has changed and your mind has changed… The past is an illusion, as is the future.” (B, [02:00])
• Desolidifying Experience: By recognizing the impermanence and non-solidity of things, suffering can be alleviated.

2. Dropping the Story; Focusing on the Feeling

• Practice Shift: Instead of getting trapped in the stories around pain and trauma, the monk learned to focus on the raw feeling itself—a core meditative insight.
• Personal Testimony: During a four-year retreat, the monk faced intense depression and anxiety. He describes his breakthrough:
  • “For the first two years was just horrific amounts of depression, misery, pain, anguish, anxiety… I was completely obsessed with the story… The more I went down that road, the worse it got.” (B, [06:02])
• Turning Point: At his lowest, he attempted to flee the retreat but returned, realizing, “If you’re gonna give this thing up, give it up from a place of clarity, knowing that there’s something better for you out there. Don’t give up because you’re having a panic attack and you can’t take it.” (B, [09:56])

3. Transforming Pain into a Meditation Object

• Moving Towards Pain: After returning to retreat, the monk stopped trying to “get rid of” pain, instead meditating directly on it.
  • “If you turn your pain into your meditation, you’re moving towards it… If you’ve decided to move towards it, you’ve made that choice.” (B, [12:14])
• Kindness and Self-Compassion: Learning to hold suffering with love and acceptance, rather than judgment, facilitated emotional healing.
  • “It starts to change because you’re accepting it… happiness is about being okay with your suffering—not just being okay with it, but actually sending love into the place in yourself that you hated so much.” (B, [15:25])

4. Cultivating Self-Compassion: The Bird with a Broken Wing

• A Profound Shift: The monk uses a powerful image:
  • “I started to have this image in my head as if I had found a frightened rabbit or a bird with a broken wing. And I’m holding that in my hand with tenderness. I’d never been able to do that for myself.” (B, [16:40])
  • This became a metaphor for holding one’s own pain gently and compassionately, rather than with harshness or rejection.

5. Applying the Practice to Grief and Loss

• Grieving a Teacher’s Murder: The monk’s closest friend and mentor was murdered, leading to a period of consuming grief, anger, and despair.
  • “I cannot describe how badly it blew me to pieces, but the meditation I’ve described to you saw me through… I just had to lie there and send love into the flames in me.” (B, [19:50], [21:58])
• On Forgiveness: Meditation and compassion enabled him to forgive not only the killer—understanding his psychosis—but also others from his past.

6. Forgiveness and Letting Go

• Buddhist View: "In Buddhism, there's a teaching that says it's like holding onto a piece of hot metal or holding a hot coal… If I’m holding the grudge, they have absolutely got away with it because… I am now constantly hurting." (B, [27:00])
• Forgiveness as Strength: Letting go is not weakness but a powerful act of freeing oneself from suffering.

7. The Process of Forgiving People from the Past

• Forgiveness as Ongoing: “I don’t know if forgiveness is a big, huge, massive moment or if it’s a process. I think I've learned how to forgive the feelings that those incidents gave rise to—that, to me, is much more important than forgiving the people.” (B, [29:01])
• Seeing Others’ Suffering: By meditating and imagining oneself in another's position (even abusers or negligent parents), anger turns to understanding and the burden lightens.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You are not your past. The past is an illusion, as is the future. And we spend so much time in the past and future or trying to manipulate the present. Whereas with meditation, you're learning to be in the now and not be…" (B, [02:04])
• "If you turn your pain into your meditation, you're moving towards it. And how can it hurt you if you've decided to move towards it?" (B, [12:13])
• "Happiness is about being okay with your suffering… sending love into the place in yourself that you hated so much." (B, [15:32])
• "I started to have this image in my head as if I had found a frightened rabbit or a bird with a broken wing. And I'm holding that in my hand with tenderness." (B, [16:40])
• "You can't run from yourself. You can run to the end of the earth, and that thing that has been tormenting you is part of you. And until you learn to integrate that, it will always trip you up." (B, [11:14])
• "Forgiveness is a strength or a power. It's actually nothing to do with the other person... you're freeing yourself. You're dropping your burden, because that rage is toxic and that hurt is toxic. It’s so hard to let go of it." (B, [27:15])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:51] — Introduction to the Buddhist perspective on identity and victimhood
• [05:01] — The monk’s four-year retreat and personal struggle with depression/anxiety
• [09:56] — The decision not to abandon the retreat during crisis
• [12:05] — The shift: making pain the object of meditation
• [15:25] — The power of compassion and the “broken bird” metaphor
• [18:34] — Applying acceptance to grief and the murder of the monk’s teacher
• [23:06] — A practical guide: “sending love into the flames”
• [25:54] — On forgiveness, letting go, and Buddhist philosophy
• [29:01] — Forgiving the feelings vs. forgiving the people
• [31:22] — Empathy practice: seeing the world through the eyes of those who hurt us

Final Reflection

This episode reveals rare, vulnerable truths on emotional pain, acceptance, and healing—from running away from suffering, to embracing it with radical kindness and compassion. Both personally and philosophically, the monk illustrates how mindfulness, self-acceptance, and empathy are antidotes to pain and anger—and how true strength lies not in resisting suffering, but in loving ourselves and others, even in our messiest moments. Anyone exploring trauma, forgiveness, or transformation will find this episode richly rewarding.