The Diary Of A CEO – "How To Be Charismatic and Gain the Edge in Any Room"

Guest: Charlie Houpert (Charisma Coach)
Host: Steven Bartlett
Date: September 12, 2025
Episode Focus: This "Most Replayed Moment" spotlights Charlie Houpert, founder of Charisma on Command, as he deconstructs charisma into actionable frameworks for building connection, confidence, and impact in any room—at work, in interviews, on stage, or in everyday life.

Episode Overview

The conversation zeroes in on what it means to be truly charismatic—dispelling myths, exploring concrete habits, and offering practical tools for listeners who want to be more magnetic, authentic, and influential in any setting. Charlie Houpert shares insights drawn from years of coaching and observing public figures, coupling storytelling with exercises to help anyone improve their interpersonal skills and presence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Go First" in Humanizing the Interaction

Timestamp: 00:34 – 02:07

• Break Social Norms by Leading with Humanity:

  • Charlie urges listeners to "go first" in making interactions more human—whether that's with humor, compliments, or vulnerability.
  • Quote [00:40]:

    "Whenever you’re with a group of people, there is an expected social norm... and it is usually less than people wish that it was." (Charlie Houpert)

  • Sharing a joke, a compliment, or showing vulnerability sets the tone, allowing others to relax and engage more authentically.

• Vulnerability as Leadership:

  • Leadership is about initiating openness first:

    "To dive into the thing that is unsettled in you or that hurts or that you’re working on and you’re not sure about... the room transforms around that." (Charlie Houpert, 01:34)

• Fine Line:

  • Emphasizes not oversharing (“trauma dumping”) without sensing the group’s receptiveness.

2. Types of Charisma

Timestamp: 02:58 – 07:36

• Charlie’s Five Charismatic Archetypes:

  1. High Conviction: Total belief/willpower (e.g., Conor McGregor, Steve Jobs, Donald Trump).

     "There’s this belief that I’m going to change the world and this solidness behind it, that’s high conviction." (Charlie Houpert, 03:45)

  2. Authentic: Clear, uncompromising voice (e.g., Joe Rogan).

     "I trust this person exactly. To say what they think in front of me, whether I like it or I don’t." (Charlie Houpert, 04:32)

  3. Funny: Light, playful, brings levity (e.g., Kevin Hart).

  4. Empathetic: Makes others feel deeply seen (e.g., Oprah Winfrey, Steven Bartlett).

     "They ask a question with a sincerity that makes the other person share the thing that they might not have shared in many other groups." (Charlie Houpert, 05:49)

  5. Energetic: Infectious enthusiasm and positivity (e.g., early Will Smith, Jack Black).

     "If you’re able to sustain a level of energy... people join in because everybody wants to relax and dance and feel better." (Charlie Houpert, 07:09)

3. Charisma in Professional Contexts: Interviews & Promotions

Timestamp: 07:36 – 12:22

• Charisma Starts Before You Walk in the Room:

  • Engage with everyone on your “journey” (Uber drivers, receptionists) to “get warm,” not just the interviewer.

    "When you leave your house... you need to talk to the Uber driver. You need to get warm, you need to get comfortable." (Charlie Houpert, 07:48)

  • By the time you’re in the interview, you’re “ready to go—not starting from zero.”

• Storytelling in Answers:

  • Prepare three to five stories from your career. Slot them into any interview question for impactful, value-driven storytelling.

• The Killer Question for Job Seekers & Raisers:

  • Always ask:

    "A year from now, what would I have had to have done for you to feel it was a good decision to hire me?" (Charlie Houpert paraphrased, 10:19)

  • Similarly, for promotions:

    "Six months from now... what would I have had to have done for it to be a no-brainer to give me a raise?" (Charlie Houpert paraphrased, 11:07)

  • This prompts managers to visualize you in the role and hand you the blueprint for success.

4. Habits That Repel: Case Study of Brie Larson

Timestamp: 13:10 – 16:33

• Winning Every Exchange:

  • Overly competitive banter (“well, actually, I would win”) diminishes likability.

• Interpreting Ambiguous Comments Negatively:

  • Responding defensively (e.g., Brie Larson’s "Is that a personal attack?")—without playful context—alienates others.

    "You want to interpret ambiguous communications charitably... Purposeful misinterpretation of ambiguations early on that are maybe not the friendliest... will take people that are trying to take digs at you and make them flip." (Charlie Houpert, 15:28)

  • Ted Lasso-style grace and humor in the face of possible digs brings people around and elevates likability.

5. Speaking Like a Leader

Timestamp: 17:41 – 21:14

• Bring in Play, Values, and Silence:

  • Engage with fun and depth, not just literalities.

    "The ability to answer non-literally and bring in fun and jokes into the interaction..." (Charlie Houpert, 18:11)

• Pausing > Filling Air:

  • Replace filler words with silence—pauses create a vacuum that pulls attention.

    "If you can replace any filler word... with silence. Silence is a vacuum. And the cool thing about vacuums is that they pull attention to you." (Charlie Houpert, 18:37)

• Review Your Speaking Habits:

  • Record yourself—becoming self-aware is the key to improvement.

6. Body Language: Fill Your Space

Timestamp: 19:58 – 21:14

• Use Bigger Gestures:
  • Don’t “pin your elbows.”

    "You don’t need to invade other people’s space. You need to fill your own completely." (Charlie Houpert, 20:12)

  • Full arm movements are more captivating and help project energy.

7. The Confidence Mindset: "There Are No Superiors"

Timestamp: 21:14 – 22:29

• Status Isn’t the Same as Superiority:
  • Even with bosses or public figures, remember you are dealing with people—not avatars.

  • "You’re not dealing with roles... You are dealing with people and the people that they love the most... they connect with over the same things that you connect with your friends over." (Charlie Houpert, 21:21)

• True Confidence:
  • Willingness to make a mistake, trust yourself, and treat everyone as equals.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Compliments and then vulnerability. Going first, sharing the vulnerable thing... it's like the room transforms." (Charlie Houpert, 01:14)
• "There’s a difference between trauma dumping and just outpouring without checking if the other person is with you." (Charlie Houpert, 01:52)
• "If you can replace any filler word... with silence. Silence is a vacuum." (Charlie Houpert, 18:37)
• "Don’t convince people. Give them invites to connect." (Steven Bartlett, 22:29)

Timestamps For Reference

• 00:34: Go first in humanizing—use humor, compliments, and vulnerability
• 02:58: Five types of charisma—high conviction, authentic, funny, empathetic, energetic
• 07:36: Building interview and promotion charisma—warming up, stories, "killer question"
• 13:10: Habits that make people dislike you—Brie Larson as a case study
• 17:41: How to speak like a leader—storytelling, pauses, reviewing your own speech
• 19:58: Body language—using space and gestures
• 21:14: The key mindset: "There are no superiors"

Tone & Closing

Steven’s tone throughout is curious and eager to extract practical wisdom for listeners, while Charlie is both analytical and personable—deftly mixing actionable advice, real-world examples, and disarming humor. The segment ends with a powerful reminder to operate from empathy, equality, and invitation—rather than performance or convincing.

For more, listen to the full episode linked in the podcast description.