Most Replayed Moment: Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs"

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
Episode: Most Replayed Moment
Date: April 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this thought-provoking conversation, Steven Bartlett explores the concept that our thoughts and beliefs fundamentally shape our reality. Through engaging anecdotes, candid personal sharing, and practical demonstrations, Steven and his guest expert discuss the origins of limiting beliefs, methods for challenging and rewriting them, and the power of language and self-affirmation. The episode is rich with memorable moments illustrating how the subconscious mind responds to the beliefs we repeat to ourselves—and how simple mental shifts can transform outcomes across all areas of life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Do We Get to Choose Our Beliefs? (00:34 – 01:51)

• Steven Bartlett opens the discussion by pondering whether we can genuinely choose our beliefs, noting how life outcomes are dictated by what we believe about ourselves and the world.
• Guest Expert responds affirmatively, arguing that beliefs are choices that can and should be continuously updated:

  "You make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you." (00:59)

• The guest illustrates how confirmation bias reinforces chosen beliefs and encourages questioning the origin and validity of all beliefs.

2. Challenging Old Beliefs and "Lying" to Yourself (03:06 – 05:29)

• Steven raises the issue that affirming beliefs contrary to past negative experiences may feel like self-deception.
• Guest Expert advocates for intentionally "lying" to yourself to counter old programming:

  "I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie, cheat and steal every day of your life—lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the confidence you were born with." (03:07)

• The subconscious mind doesn't judge truth vs fiction—it accepts repetition as evidence, leading to emotional and physiological responses.

3. The Power of Repetition & The Mind’s Rules (05:42 – 07:11)

• The podcast highlights the foundational rules of the mind:
  • Every thought is a blueprint the body tries to fulfill.
  • The mind learns and accepts beliefs via repetition, regardless of their objective truth.
• Guest Expert:

  "We don't have to change events, we have to change how we think about the events... A belief is really just the thought you think a lot." (06:13)

4. Unpacking a Limiting Belief—"I'm Disorganized" (07:11 – 09:49)

• Steven shares a personal belief:

  "I am fundamentally unorganized." (07:15)

• He reflects on how he labels himself and acts in ways that match this self-concept, despite not wanting it.
• Guest Expert:

  "The strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you." (08:28)

  • Offers advice to repeatedly affirm the opposite trait to create real change.

5. Demonstrations: Mind-Body Connection (10:00 – 12:19)

• The guest leads Steven through two mind exercises:
  • Lemon Exercise: Vividly imagining sucking a lemon produces real physiological responses (salivation), illustrating the power of thought over the body.

    "Did you start pumping out saliva?" (10:59)
    "Was there a lemon? ... It was in your head." (11:04 – 11:15)

  • Arm Flexibility Exercise: Visualizing greater flexibility immediately increases physical range, demonstrating belief’s physical effects.

6. The Role of Thoughts in Performance and Intimacy (12:14 – 13:36)

• The mind’s expectations impact physical abilities, exemplified with anecdotes about sexual performance.

  "Every time they say, 'but I can't do it, it's all over in a minute. I can't please her or him,' they actually make that real. But when you just change a thought..." (12:41)

• Steven relates this to honest conversations among friends about self-worth, performance anxiety, and the clear role of thought in these challenges.

7. Origins of Limiting Beliefs—Personal and Universal Themes (14:14 – 18:38)

• Steven shares deep-rooted feelings from growing up as a black child in a white area, experiencing shame and believing he was “unlovable” and “different.”

  "I think maybe... I learned that I was unlovable at some level, because I think, think about being a black kid in an all white area where your house is, like, dilapidated..." (14:15)

• Guest Expert introduces three universal issues at the root of most problems:
  1. "I'm different, so I can't connect."
  2. "What I want isn't available to me."
  3. "I'm not enough."
• Emphasizes that emotional logic always trumps intellectual logic; beliefs and feelings from childhood often persist until consciously rewritten.

8. Breaking the Cycle: Creating New Realities (18:38 – 19:57)

• Discussion about whether familiar but unwanted behaviors (like messiness) are comforting or disappointing because they mirror the past.
• The guest reiterates the power of telling a new story:

  "If you say it enough, it will become real because your words create your reality. If you don't like your reality, you don't have to change your reality—you have to change the way you're speaking, which immediately changes your reality, which is completely shaped by your words." (19:37)

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Memorable Quotes

• "You make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you."
  — Guest Expert (00:59)

• "Lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the confidence you were born with."
  — Guest Expert (03:08)

• "A belief is really just the thought you think a lot."
  — Guest Expert (06:26)

• "The strongest force in you...is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you."
  — Guest Expert (08:28)

• "Your mind’s job is to make your thoughts real. And your job is to think better thoughts all the time."
  — Guest Expert (04:40)

• "Whatever you look for, you will find. Whatever you focus on, you get more of."
  — Guest Expert (16:50)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:34 — Can we choose our beliefs?
• 03:06 — The case for “lying” to yourself and how the mind responds.
• 05:42 — Rules of the mind and effects of repetition.
• 07:11 — Personal limiting belief: “I’m unorganized.”
• 10:00 — Lemon and arm flexibility mind-body demo.
• 12:14 — Beliefs, performance, and physical manifestations.
• 14:14 — Deep childhood beliefs, shame, and not feeling “enough.”
• 18:38 — Familiarity of patterns; making new beliefs familiar.

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Tone and Language

The tone throughout is open, compassionate, and practical—Steven is candid and inquisitive, the guest expert offers caring, actionable advice and clear analogies. The dialogue is accessible, often playful (as in the lemon exercise), and continuously focused on strategies for positive self-change.

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This episode offers insightful, actionable perspectives on how to examine, challenge, and update the beliefs that shape our lives, making it essential listening—or reading—for anyone seeking to rewrite limiting patterns and create richer possibilities.

Transcript

[Commercial Narrator]

This is the story of the 1. As a procurement manager for a hospital system, she keeps every facility in her network stocked and ready. That's why she counts on Grainger to be her single source for thousands of products, from disinfectants to lighting, air filters, and more. And with fast, dependable delivery, Grainger helps her keep every facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Podcast Host]

I've been trying to figure out if we get to choose our beliefs, and I actually wrote about this in my book recently, and I feel like you're the person to ask this question, because I know that our lives are governed by these beliefs that we have about the world, ourselves, and everything in between. But can we choose them?

[Guest Expert]

I think so. You know, when I was here last time, you asked me about my childhood, which I don't talk about a lot. It wasn't awful, but it also wasn't amazing. But the beliefs I had then are so totally different to the beliefs I have now because I chose to give myself better beliefs. Because, you know, you make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you. And then confirmation bias means you look for proof of what you have chosen to believe. And you'll find it. If you say, oh, I hate cats, they're things. Vicious things that scratch you. They're really aloof. Or I don't like dogs, they're barky, yappy, horrible things. Then if you believe that about a dog and you meet a dog, you'll feel so anxious that that will become true. But if you say, oh, I love dogs, they're the most loyal, gorgeous, loving things, then you'll have a different energy around them. So you should choose your beliefs. You should constantly upgrade. Update. Question your belief. Where did I get that from? Is that true? Who told me that belief? And even if it's true for them, does it have to be true for me? You know, I see a lot of women who say things like, well, you know, if you're really famous and rich, you'll never find a guy, because a hundred years ago that was probably true. Men didn't go for rich, successful women because they wanted them at home, but it's not true now, so your grandmother's belief is not your belief. I love my daughter's generation who don't do body shaming or fat shaming and have a whole different language, which I think is so refreshing. So you can always choose your beliefs and you really should constantly Check. Why do I even believe that? Is it even true? Because so often it's not true at all. It's just something you've been taught or you've just gone along with it.

[Podcast Host]

Anyway, so in the case of cats then, you know, I like all animals, but cats, I do think, you know, the way you describe them then. A little bit scratchy. Yes, sometimes a little bit, you know, annoying. Not as loving as dogs. Maybe I'm gonna annoy a lot of cat people here if that is my belief. If I say to myself, okay, no, cats are wonderful, they're lovely, you know, they're fantastic, they don't scratch, etc. I feel like I'm just lying to myself. And you know, this is the case with self belief as well. I could say that I'm amazing and attractive and all these things, but in my subconscious mind, after getting, I don't know, bullied at 7 years old by a kid that called me fat and whatever else, am I just not lying to myself?

[Guest Expert]

Well, I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie to yourself. I think you should lie, cheat and steal every day of your life, lie to your mind, cheat, fear, and steal back the confidence you were born with. So let's imagine you're going for an exam. You go, I'm going to fail it. I'm going to mess it up. I got a terrible memory. I know when I read that paper my mind's going to go blank and I'm going to blow it. So that's a belief. But you could also say I've got a great memory. Everything I studied for this exam is in my head. When I read the paper, the questions are going to come up and I'm going to remember the answers. And I'm super chilled at exams. I'm cool, calm, collected. I'm going to ace this exam. So if you repeat that over and over again, you see, the subconscious doesn't think, it just feels. And if you say I'm nervous, I'm so nervous. And the subconscious feels that. Then when you're nervous, the mind shuts down, all the blood rushes to your heart and your mind empties. It's like if you're crossing a road and a car comes, don't think, should I go left, right, forwards, backwards? You just move because in fear you don't think, you move. So when you're scared, your mind empties. I remember years ago, I was coming home and this guy was following me and I knew he was following me and I knew I Had minutes to get in my door and I couldn't get the key and I couldn't remember which way to. I'm like, oh, my God, I have all the times to forget how this key works. I lived here for five years, but I was so scared, I couldn't remember how to open my door at all. Because when you're scared, your brain empties. So if you go into an exam going, I'm scared, I'm nervous you won't do well. But if you say, I got a great memory, I love exams. I'm excited about this exam. I'm so excited. I'm going to be assessed, I'm going to do really well, or I'm going to this assessment, I'm going to ace it. This person's going to love me and see that I'm so smart. And my answers will show them that I know. I'm talking about. The mind doesn't go, oh, come on, that's silly. The mind goes, okay, whatever you say, you make it real. Your mind's job is to make your thoughts real. The subconscious doesn't think, it only feels. And if your mind's job is to make your thoughts real, then your job is to think better thoughts all the time. So imagine you're going to have a needle stuck in your arm. You go, oh, that's going to hurt. And that's going to be so painful. You could. I always read my phone. And if you cough just as the needle goes in, if you. It confuses your mind and you don't feel it, is that lying or is it just taking your mind somewhere else?

[Podcast Host]

That's the. Because I. I think if I can choose my beliefs, then I can unchoose beliefs, but I couldn't. A single belief I have now that I could genuinely unchoose, I can say it. Yes, but I think I'd still believe it.

[Guest Expert]

Yeah, but the thing with the mind is there's a couple of rules of the mind. One is. Let me give you a couple that will help you. Every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind and body work to make real. Every thought you think has a physical reaction and indeed an emotional response. And here's another one. The mind learns by repetition. So when you think a thought a lot, over and over again, it becomes real, even if it's not real. So if you think a thought, My neighbor's driving me crazy. They're so noisy, I can never sleep. I can hear their television. They're getting on my nerves. It'll become your Reaction. If you say it's a little bit irritating, but I can put my headphones on, I can tune out, then you'll have a different reaction to the same event. You know, we don't have to change events. We have to change how we think about the events. It's like saying, oh, this commute to work is killing me. You know, this being on this freeway is driving me crazy. But someone else would go, wow, I'd love to be on. You've got a car and you're going to a job and you're getting paid. That's my fantasy dream come true. Don't have to change a thing. You have to change how you think about the thing. So that is changing your beliefs. And a belief is really just the thought you think a lot. So you're born as a blank slate. Where did you get those thoughts from? Who gave them to you? So the beliefs you think you can't change, where do they come from? Let's do that now. Where do the beliefs you think you can't change come from?

[Podcast Host]

So I think one of the recurring beliefs I've had about myself.

[Guest Expert]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

Which I think goes back as long as I can remember, to be honest, is that I am fundamentally unorganized.

[Guest Expert]

Unorganized.

[Podcast Host]

I think people will be surprised to hear that because I'm very, I'd say, productive. My output is high, but the organization of my stuff, even if you looked in my bag, it would be like a jumble sale. My house as well. If I didn't have a cleaner, I think it would be, you know, it'll be like a bomb had gone off in there.

[Guest Expert]

I heard you saying, actually on a podcast that when you go, your hotel room is very messy and it upsets you, but not enough to make you change it.

[Podcast Host]

You've been listening.

[Guest Expert]

I have been listening.

[Podcast Host]

No, you're right. I think there's a habit or something that I've built into myself where I think I've told myself it's faster to be messy.

[Guest Expert]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

But then the dissonance or the issue that I take with it is that's not who I want to be. I want to be a messy person. I want to be someone who comes into the hotel room, goes into their suitcase, and hangs everything up so that tomorrow is easier. What happens is I dive into the suitcase, pull my gym equipment out, and run to the gym. And it's something I want to change because it's almost like this concession in my life where I've gone, well, that's just who I am. I'm just a messy person. And I think we all label ourselves.

[Guest Expert]

And of course, when you do that now you're making it real. You say, I can't spell, but my dad couldn't spell and now it's genetic. So every time you say I'm just a messy person, the strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you. So if you start by changing that and saying, I love being organized, it gives me such joy to be organized. I love putting. So when you say it, say it, say will start to change. So for the last three weeks, I've been staying in a place with an amazing gym and I started to love working out with really, really heavy weights because, you know, I got run over and I started to get muscle wastage in my leg. I was going, I love heavy, heavy weights, I love it. And I was really a Pilates yoga person. But for the last few weeks, I get up and I'm in the gym at half seven going, well, I love heavy weights. And I didn't like it before, but I decided to say it over and over again. Because when you say state and affirm something, your mind must make it real. So all you have to do really is to start saying a lot. I love being organized. It gives me immense joy to put stuff away. I love it when everything's in its place and I'm in a hotel and sure, I run to the. When I come back, I put my gym kit in a particular place. And I love that feeling of being super organized. And very quickly it will start to change because you're thinking a thought that your mind has no choice but to make real.

[Podcast Host]

So interesting.

[Guest Expert]

But it's also true, you know, you think a thought and your mind can't help it. It has to make. You know, we do that. We did that thing with a lemon, didn't we, where you think you're eating a lemon for we ever done that?

[Podcast Host]

What's that?

[Guest Expert]

Well, let's do it now. So put your hand in front of your mouth. Imagine you're holding half of a great big fat juicy lemon. Close your eyes and just put that lemon right up to your nose and breathe in that amazing lemon smell, because nothing really smells quite like a lemon. Now squeeze that lemon so hard so that lemon drops pucker onto the surface. Stick out your tongue, lick off the lemon, open your mouth really wide and shove that entire lemon into your mouth. And I want you to start sucking and biting and Chewing all the flesh. Literally bite into that lemon until the lemon drops burst onto your tongue and your taste buds pucker and swell. As you start to chew that lemon, suck that lemon, Swirl that lemon all around your mouth. Keep eating the lemon, suck it, chew it, swirl it around, and then open your eyes. Did you start pumping out saliva?

[Podcast Host]

Yes, I did.

[Guest Expert]

And so here's a question. Was there a lemon?

[Podcast Host]

No, there was no lemon.

[Guest Expert]

That's true. There was no lemon. But you could also say yes, which is also true. They're both true. No, there wasn't. But yes, there actually was. Where was it? Where was the lemon that was making you make saliva?

[Podcast Host]

In my head.

[Guest Expert]

In your head? Yeah. It wasn't anywhere else? It was in your head. Just do another one. Put your right arm out towards me and just swing your arm behind you as far as it will go and have a look at where it's gone. Just look behind you to notice where it is. Bring it back. I think you went up to, like, the third book on that bookshelf. I want you to imagine, close your eyes and tell your mind, my arm's going to go a third further. I'm now like a bendy Barbie and Ken doll. My arm is so flexible, it's going further. I want you to imagine all the muscles in your right arm becoming super flexible like cooked pasta. Open your eyes, put your arm out and say to your arm, you're going a third further. Now you're like a pretzel. You're super flexible. Go a third further, swing your arm back, and just watch as it goes a third further. Now look at how far it's gone. You were only up to the third book before. So what happened then?

[Podcast Host]

I just believed my arm was gonna

[Guest Expert]

go further, and it did.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Guest Expert]

And you see, and for men, I get men who say, you know, I can't please my wife. I can't get an erection. I can't keep it going, and she's gonna leave me. And if I tell them other things, you know, you're a great lover. You can maintain an erection for 20 minutes or 10 minutes, or the average is about four and a half minutes. That starts to happen. They don't do anything else except listen to a recording that says, you have longer erections, you can have a great sex life. You can wait until your partner orgasms, and it all becomes true. Because every time they say, but I can't do it, it's all over in a minute. I can't please her or him. They actually make that real. But when you just change a thought. You know, there's a song called Love Changes Everything by Chlimey Fisher. But actually, thoughts change everything. When you think a thought, it's such a game changer.

[Podcast Host]

Erections.

[Guest Expert]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

It's so interesting because in my friendship group with my male friends, we've spoken about sex life, libido, erections.

[Guest Expert]

Of course. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

We've all struggled in different ways at different times with this. And it's one of the areas in life where it's so clear to me that thoughts are the problem and the solution.

[Guest Expert]

Yeah. Because again, if a man thinks about sex, looks at pictures, looks at a movie and gets aroused, you get a very physical reaction straight away, even if there's no one in the room with you. So that's a classic example of thinking a thought about being aroused, turned on, feeling sexually attracted. And your body makes it real, even there's no one there. And it can be at a wedding, can be an event. It can be highly embarrassing for a guy to get an erection in the wrong place. But if you think a thought, I'm turned on here, the body moves it. Does it for women too, but it's not so obvious for us. We can kind of hide it. But yes, it's a thought. I can't do it. I can. I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna succeed.

[Podcast Host]

I also think I just learned that I was at a very young age that I think maybe that I learned that I was unlovable at some level, because I think. Think about being a black kid in an all white area where your house is, like, dilapidated. I think that's the right word. Where you can't. Never brought anyone home. Never brought a girl home. In the 16 odd years that I lived in Plymouth, never brought anyone home. No one knew where I lived. I had this, like, constant shame.

[Guest Expert]

Yeah, shame.

[Podcast Host]

And I showed up as if I was a confident kid. Like, you know, it was an act.

[Guest Expert]

Yeah. And you went home feeling a scent. You see, one of the. I taught 16,000 therapists all over the world, and I teach them there's only three things wrong with every person that turns up at your door. Only three things. One of them is, I'm different, so I can't connect. The next one is, I want something, it's not available to me. And the third one is I'm not enough. There's a lot of versions. I'm not smart enough. Good enough. But when you told me that little boy who was a black kid in a white world living in a shambolic house, never Bringing people home straight away. You're saying I was different. And if I'm different, I can't connect. Because we connect by being the same. I like Postman Pat. So do I. I like Pastor. So do I. I like Barbie. So do I. Oh, you're my friend. But when you're different, you can't connect. So you first had that first thing. I'm different, so I can't connect what I want. Being the same as all the other kids is not available to me. And if you think you're unlovable, then you have to think you're not enough. But of course that's what you felt. The truth is, you're deeply lovable just the way you are. But it's very hard when you don't feel it. So when you, you know, your feelings are the most real thing you have. And we're always trying to use logic, but logic doesn't work because in the battle between emotion and logic, emotion wins every single time. So the emotion of being this kid who felt different, not enough, not the same. You can't logic that better. Yes, you can achieve a lot and work hard and be a millionaire. You remember John Lennon said, the thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside. And so you're trying to fake it till you make it, but then you just end up feeling like a big fake. You have to go back and look at, okay, I felt different. But here's an interesting thing. If our greatest fear is to feel different, it must be none the same as everyone. Because that's our greatest fear, to be different. We used to be cast out for being different, banished for being different. But actually, if you fear being different, ironically, that means you're the same as everyone because you've got the same fears and what wasn't available, now you've made it available many years ago. And you're deeply lovable and more than enough. So you have to kind of go back and look at that old scene to go, but that's not me anymore. Of course it's not me. So just stating why it isn't you is actually one of the most transformational things you can ever do, as we're so busy looking for how it is us. You know, here's a rule of the mind. Whatever you look for, you will find. Whatever you focus on, you get more of. So when you look at how it's still you or still there or still bothering you, then you'll find it and interesting. I think when you look at the mess in Your room, you remember the shambolic house and that's why it bothers you. Not because it's messy, because you were brought up in a shambolic house. Now you come out and think, oh, look at this room, I've recreated the same. Instead of saying, actually, I'm in a five star hotel, there's a maid next door, it's a little bit messy, it's not shambolic. But you see, what your brain is looking for is what's the same. And it will always find it. But if you look for what's different, you'll find that too. So when you have a brilliant brain, which we all have, and you definitely have, instead of you've got to talk yourself out of it, not into it, you're talking yourself into how the messy room is the same as a messy home. And it bothers you greatly because it feels out of your control, which it was when you were a kid living in that house. Don't talk yourself and talk yourself out of it. Oh yeah, I have greater mess. But hey, I'm a super successful guy, I'm busy, someone's going to come in and clean all of this up. And it's not the same, it's vastly different. But our mind is always looking for what's the same because it loves what is familiar. After all, you know, if you were a two year old kid living in the prairie and you wandered out on the prairie, you'd only eat the berries you already knew. You wouldn't eat anything unfamiliar because it would have killed you. So our primitive brain wants to go back to what is familiar, back to what is known, back to what is comfortable.

[Podcast Host]

I wasn't sure whether I'm messy because it reminds me of home, so a messy room makes me feel more comfortable, or if it's the opposite, like, you know, I've never been sure which one it, which one it is.

[Guest Expert]

Well, it's just, I think it, because you lived in a messy home, it was familiar, it was easy. No one said, tidy up, put that away. So if you were in the army, for instance, you say, oh no, I make my bed. And because you learned a certain way, but you learn the opposite. Just everything's in a mess. So the two things that you learned, it is familiar, but also it's deeply disappointing because it makes you feel, oh God, there's a mess again. And I can't fix it. When the truth is you can. You've always got a choice. The worst thing is I can't change it and I can't accept it. I can't change it. I can't accept I can't change them as I can't even okay, I can accept this. Okay, I'm messy and I love it like an artist. Or you can say I can change it, but it's like I can't change it and I can't accept Accept it. My daughter loves living in a mess because she's an artist. She doesn't even see it. Or you can say I can change it by changing how I think. Just say I love putting stuff away makes me feel powerful. And if you say it enough, it will become real because your words create your reality. If you don't like your reality, you don't have to change your have to change the way you're speaking, which immediately changes your reality, which is completely shaped by your words.

[Podcast Host]

What you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode. If you want to listen to that full episode, I've linked it down below. Check the description. Thank you.

[Commercial Narrator]

This is the story of the One As a procurement manager for a hospital system, she keeps every facility in her network stocked and ready. That's why she counts on Grainger to be her single source for thousands of products, from disinfectants to lighting, air filters, and more. And with fast, dependable delivery, Granger helps her keep every facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-granger clickranger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.