The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Episode: Secret Agent: Never Be Yourself At Work! Authenticity Is Quietly Sabotaging You!
Guest: Evy Poumpouras (Former US Secret Service Agent)
Date: September 25, 2025

Brief Overview

This episode features Evy Poumpouras, a former U.S. Secret Service agent, author, and media personality. The conversation delves into why "authenticity" can be counterproductive at work, the power of self-regulation, managing cognitive load, building true confidence, the risks of victim mentality, and the importance of adaptability and honest self-assessment. Using stories from her experiences protecting presidents and interviewing suspects, Evy shares hard-earned lessons on psychological strength, leadership presence, and effective interpersonal dynamics.

Key Themes & Insights

1. The Myth of “Authenticity” at Work

• [00:00, 40:46, 43:33, 46:46]
  • Evy challenges the popular notion that people should "bring their authentic self to work."
    • Quote: "Don't bring your authentic self to work. I want your professional self. You can bring your authentic self to Thanksgiving meal with your family if you'd like to." (Evy, 00:00)
  • She explains that what workplaces need is professionalism, empathy, and competence—traits that serve the team and mission rather than focusing on individual emotions or personal baggage.
    • Quote: "Your authentic self is about who? Me, me, me, me, me." (Evy, 00:00)
  • Authenticity has been conflated with oversharing or being unfiltered, which undermines team trust and productivity.

2. Emotional Self-Regulation and Confidence

• [00:20, 38:43, 39:56, 46:46]
  • Self-regulation is a learnable skill, crucial in high-pressure, high-stakes environments.
    • Quote: "Self-regulation is your ability to regulate your emotions. So even though you're panicking, you're afraid, you're angry, you're sad, there has to be a governor that says, I know you're there, keep it quiet." (Evy, 38:14)
  • Evy discusses learning this in the Secret Service and NYPD, surrounded by highly disciplined people.
  • Being "hot-headed" is manageable with the right environment and role models.

3. The Dangers of the Victim Mindset & Powerlessness

• [02:32, 04:56, 06:11, 14:36]
  • There’s a societal overemphasis on justifying present limitations by dwelling on past hardships.
    • Quote: "You are very well capable. Most people are. They just don't learn. They just don't know how to trust themselves." (Evy, 04:56)
  • Validating pain is important temporarily, but lingering in that space leads to powerlessness and dependency.
  • Some people become addicted to the attention or sympathy that suffering brings (secondary gain).

4. Cognitive Load and Decision Making

• [00:44, 06:11, 54:01, 63:08, 65:53, 66:24]
  • The analogy of the brain as a bathtub is used to illustrate cognitive overload: too much information leads to inefficiency and emotional instability.
    • Quote: "Your brain is like a bathtub. The bathtub can only hold so much water. If you keep watering water in the bathtub, it's gonna overflow. That's your cognitive load." (Evy, 00:44)
  • High performers (including presidents) lighten their load by automating small decisions, delegating, and having disciplined routines (e.g., Obama's identical suits—08:49).
  • Good decision-making requires accepting you may never have perfect information. Confidence is about being okay with uncertainty.

5. Accepting People and Adapting vs. Trying to Change Them

• [14:47, 24:27, 26:47, 46:46, 130:41]
  • Trying to change people who have no interest in changing is ineffective and even arrogant.
    • Quote: "It's kind of narcissistic of me to think I'm going to roll in and change you." (Evy, 26:50)
  • Acceptance and adaptability—rather than endless attempts to fix others—are crucial for personal peace.
  • Real influence comes from living in truth about who someone is, not who you hope they could be.

6. Circle of Influence & Low Vibration People

• [00:44, 119:36, 120:08]
  • Your environment impacts your mental strength and stability. Surround yourself with a steady, high-performing “inner circle.”
    • Quote: "Be careful who you try to save. Some people will drown you." (Evy, 00:44; reprised at 120:08)
  • Associating with “low vibration” people drags you down far more effectively than you can lift them up.

7. Confidence: How to Build It & What It Isn’t

• [30:16, 36:25, 51:44, 54:33, 57:58]
  • True confidence is silent, based on actions and decision-making, not loud affirmations or "imposter syndrome" discussions.
    • Quote: "I've never heard anybody in the circle of where I was... talk about [confidence]... They just are." (Evy, 51:44)
  • Focus on progress (even incremental), decision-making, and trust in yourself.
  • Overthinking confidence paradoxically weakens it; just "doing" builds it.

8. Communication: Presence, Voice, and Trust

• [72:12, 73:01, 74:52, 78:46, 79:16, 83:33, 87:17]
  • Effective communicators speak with clarity, command silence, and use their voice and body language with intention.
    • Quote: "When you use simpler words and you get to the point... you are deemed as more competent, more confident, and more trustworthy." (Evy, 87:17)
  • Less is more: concise, well-timed contributions (rather than constant talking) lead to trust and respect.
    • Quote: "When you slow down... as a presenter, I am less likely to make mistakes... and you're more likely able to think, process and share." (Evy, 75:33)
  • Using your hands and open posture builds trust subconsciously.

9. Adaptability and Living in Truth

• [24:27, 130:41, 133:59]
  • Personal and professional adaptability hinges on seeing things as they are and making honest, sometimes hard decisions about what you can change.
    • Quote: "Unless you accept, you can't adapt. So what you're doing is, you're not living in truth, you're living in what I hope he would be, but not where he actually is now." (Evy, 24:27)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Authenticity:
  "Don't bring your authentic self to work. I want your professional self... Your authentic self is about who? Me, me, me, me, me."
  — Evy Poumpouras [00:00, 40:46]

• On Emotional Self-Regulation:
  "Self-regulation is your ability to regulate your emotions... There has to be a governor that says, I know you're there, keep it quiet."
  — Evy Poumpouras [38:14]

• On Helping Others:
  "Be careful who you try to save. Some people will drown you."
  — Evy Poumpouras [00:44, 120:08]

• On Confidence:
  "I've never heard anybody in the field of work I came from say, 'I feel like I'm an impostor.' They just are."
  — Evy Poumpouras [54:33]

• On Communication:
  "When I speak, I own my voice... if I don't sound like I know what I'm talking about, then does not matter what I say, it's what I sound like."
  — Evy Poumpouras [73:01]

• On Decision Making:
  "Good leaders take out of that bathtub. What can I do less of so I can be exceptional at the other things I do?"
  — Evy Poumpouras [06:11]

• On Trying to Change Others:
  "It's kind of narcissistic of me to think I'm going to roll in and change you."
  — Evy Poumpouras [26:50]

• On Living in Truth:
  "Unless you accept, you can't adapt. So what you're doing is, you're not living in truth, you're living in what I hope he would be, but not where he actually is now."
  — Evy Poumpouras [24:27]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 — Opening salvo on authenticity at work
• 00:44 — Secret Service lessons: cognitive load, use of hands, and trust
• 04:56 — Dependency, past wounds, and personal power
• 06:11 — The “bathtub” analogy for cognitive load and strategic decision fatigue
• 14:36 — The addiction to attention and the secondary gain from pain
• 24:27 — The iceberg analogy for understanding others; the futility of changing people
• 38:14 — Emotional self-regulation: learning to manage inner explosions
• 40:46 — The concept of professionalism vs. authenticity at work, interrogation stories
• 46:46 — Neutrality, listening, and asking the right questions
• 51:44 — Building true confidence: traits of steady, elite people
• 54:33 — Observations from inside the Secret Service: no discussion of “imposter syndrome”
• 63:08 & 66:24 — Presidential decision-making: delegation, certainty, and living with mistakes
• 72:12 — Paralinguistics and respect through presence and voice
• 79:16 — Using hands and nonverbal cues to build trust
• 83:33 — Presentation skills: “Just because you’re an expert doesn’t mean you’re interesting.”
• 87:17 — Simplicity in language increases perception of competence
• 119:36 — “Low vibration” people and responsibility for your circle
• 130:41 — Accepting the limits of what you can change, especially in toxic relationships
• 133:59 — On boundaries and the right to walk away except in special circumstances
• 140:54 to end — The new age of public vulnerability due to social platforms, copycats, and risks for “citizen creators,” addressing the Charlie Kirk assassination

Flow & Structure

Opening (00:00–02:32)

• Immediate challenge to “authenticity culture”
• Steven frames Evy’s experience, her Secret Service background, and unique approach

Self-Regulation & Victim Dynamics (02:32–14:36)

• Storytelling from Evy’s mentorship experience, pushing people toward autonomy
• Steven and Evy discuss the pitfalls of living in the past and the chemistry of attention-seeking

The Bathtub Brain & Leaders’ Tricks (06:11–09:33)

• President Obama’s suits, decision fatigue, and daily routines
• Delegation and “less is more” for high performers

Identity, Pain, and Secondary Gain (14:36–24:27)

• Personal stories about trauma-based identity
• How some people stay “stuck” and why unsolicited advice almost never works

Accepting vs. Changing Others (24:27–30:16)

• Realistic relationships: icebergs, truth, and adaptability
• How to actually approach tough choices with unchangeable people

Building Confidence: What Works and What Doesn’t (30:16–54:33)

• Steven’s journey from insecurity to real self-esteem
• Evy’s observations from high-performing circles
• Men vs. women on self-assessed confidence, “imposter syndrome," and grinding through ignorance

Present Focus and Small Steps (57:07–63:08)

• Pedals over podium, exposure therapy, and breaking big goals into micro-steps
• Training stories from elite teams and overcoming psychological discomfort through present-moment action

Presidential Decision-Making (63:08–69:24)

• How Presidents make calls, delegate, manage their "inner circle," and deal with being wrong

Communication Mastery (72:12–91:33)

• Paralinguistics, voice, and command presence
• Simplicity breeds trust (fewer words, more impact)
• Delivery and engagement: why some speakers keep listeners riveted

Toxic People, Boundaries & “Low Vibration” (119:36–124:02)

• The dangers of rescuing self-destructive people
• Environmental responsibility for one’s own wellbeing

The Power of Acceptance: Relationships, Work, and Life (130:41–138:38)

• Abuse, toxic partners, setting tolerance levels
• Why sometimes “just leaving” is the only answer

Social Media, Society, and the Dangers of Visibility (140:54–154:22)

• Rise of violence against “citizen creators,” Charlie Kirk’s assassination
• Algorithmic reinforcement, empathy loss, and risks for public figures

Closing Reflections (160:04–end)

• Final message: You’re not that special—in a liberating sense
• Power and humility in knowing everyone is simply figuring things out
• Evy's greatest joy & fear: her daughter and the world’s dangers

Actionable Takeaways

• Be professional, not “authentic” at work. Focus on supporting the team and mission.
• Regulate your emotions. Practice pausing and self-checking; your work environment shapes this skill.
• Lighten your cognitive load. Simplify routines and prioritize delegation.
• Stop trying to change others. Accept reality and focus on adapting yourself.
• Surround yourself with high-vibration people. Proactively manage your circle.
• Build real confidence through action. Small steps and good decisions trump self-analysis.
• Communicate with intention. Own your voice, use silence, and choose simplicity.
• Protect your focus. Don’t chase the labels, applause, or attention—aim for meaningful contribution.
• Accept that you’re not special in your problems—everyone struggles, and you can too overcome.

“You're absolutely capable, even if you feel inadequate, even if you lack confidence, even if you've had horrible trauma in your life, whatever it is, despite all that, you are absolutely capable—and it is your choice.”
—Evy Poumpouras [160:26]

This summary provides a comprehensive guide to the episode’s major points, offering both a roadmap for deeper listening and stand-alone insights for those seeking powerful, actionable wisdom from the world of elite performance and psychological mastery.