Podcast Summary: "The Body Language Expert: Stop Using This, It’s Making People Dislike You, So Are These Subtle Mistakes! Your Resting Face Matters & How To Fix It!"
Podcast Information:
- Title: The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
- Host: Steven Bartlett (DOAC)
- Guest: Vanessa Van Edwards, Behavioral Investigator and Body Language Expert
- Episode Release Date: December 9, 2024
- Description: Vanessa Van Edwards dives deep into the nuances of body language, discussing how subtle gestures and facial expressions can significantly impact personal and professional relationships. Drawing from her extensive research and personal journey from being an awkward individual to a leading expert in communication, Vanessa provides actionable insights to help listeners enhance their nonverbal communication skills.
1. Introduction to Body Language and Its Importance
Vanessa begins by highlighting the power of nonverbal communication, stating, "Your brain is 12.5 times more likely to believe my gesture over my words. And that's because it is very hard to lie with our gestures" ([00:00]). She emphasizes that mastering body language is crucial for setting oneself up for success in any interaction.
2. Warmth and Competence: The Dual Pillars of First Impressions
A central theme of the episode is the dual impact of warmth and competence on how individuals are perceived:
- Warmth: Encompasses traits like trustworthiness, friendliness, and likability.
- Competence: Relates to power, reliability, and capability.
Vanessa references a study stating, "82% of our impressions of people are based on warmth and competence" ([02:53]). She explains that controlling these cues ensures that 82% of the impression-making process is effectively managed.
3. Vanessa's Personal Journey and Research
Vanessa shares her transformation from believing charisma was innate to discovering it could be learned and systematically taught. She recounts how, as a recovering awkward person, she developed frameworks to enhance her communication skills, ultimately helping 400,000 students overcome social anxieties and build better relationships ([04:45]).
4. The Four Channels of Cues
Vanessa breaks down cues into four distinct channels:
- Body Language: Facial expressions, gestures, and posture.
- Vocal Cues: Tone, pace, volume, and cadence of voice.
- Verbal Cues: The specific words chosen to convey warmth or competence.
- Ornaments: Colors, jewelry, hairstyles, and other personal adornments.
She emphasizes that mastering all four channels can significantly enhance one's ability to communicate effectively and authentically.
5. Avoiding Common Body Language Mistakes
Vanessa discusses subtle body language mistakes that can lead to negative perceptions:
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Resting Bothered Face (RBF): How a neutral facial expression can be misinterpreted as sad, angry, or anxious. She advises conducting a self-audit by examining profile pictures to identify and rectify these default expressions ([13:09]).
- "If your mouth angles down into a frown, people are gonna think you're sad. You're gonna have to be counteracting that with your cues." ([14:28])
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Fake Smiles: Highlighting the ineffectiveness of forced smiles and promoting authentic smiles that engage the cheek muscles.
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Incongruent Gestures: Ensuring that verbal messages align with body language to avoid skepticism.
6. Enhancing Competence and Warmth Cues
Vanessa provides five power cues for competence and five warmth cues to help individuals be more memorable and confident:
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Competence Cues:
- Steeple Gesture: Conveys confidence and openness.
- Shoulder-Earlobe Distance: Maximizing the distance signals higher confidence.
- Effective Eye Contact: Specifically at the end of sentences to emphasize points.
- Lower Lid Flex: Demonstrates focus and intensity.
- Downward Vocal Inflection: Avoids accidental question tones that can indicate uncertainty.
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Warmth Cues:
- Triple Nodding: Encourages speakers to share more.
- Head Tilt: Signals active listening and empathy.
- Authentic Smile: Engages others with genuine expressions.
- Leaning In: Shows interest and approachability.
- Nonverbal Bridges: Small gestures like light touches that foster connection.
7. The Impact of Proximity and Environment
Discussing the effects of proximity, Vanessa cites a study showing that being within 25 feet of high performers can boost one's performance by 15%, while proximity to low performers can decrease it by 30% ([35:53]). She underscores the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences to enhance personal and professional growth.
8. Building and Maintaining Relationships
Vanessa delves into strategies for building likable and meaningful relationships:
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Aggressive Liking: Actively expressing interest in others to foster reciprocal likability.
- "The best way to be impressive, to be likable, is to help people impress you." ([27:52])
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Levels of Intimacy: Categorizing relationships into acquaintances, personal connections, and deep self-narratives to manage boundaries and deepen connections.
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Friendship as Dating: Encouraging treating friendship formation with the same intentionality as dating to build strong, lasting bonds.
9. Personal Branding and Neural Networks
Vanessa explains how personal branding leverages body language and visual cues to trigger specific neural networks in observers:
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Profile Pictures: Should reflect desired traits by using appropriate gestures, postures, and backgrounds to attract like-minded individuals.
- "Every picture on your profile should be creating allergies, and attractors should be activating neural networks for your person." ([122:36])
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Authenticity: Maintaining genuine expressions and avoiding overcompensation ensures the brand remains trustworthy and relatable.
10. Societal Shifts in Interpersonal Skills
Addressing the evolution of interpersonal skills, Vanessa highlights concerns about technology's impact:
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AirPods and Reduced Micro Connections: Increased use of personal devices hampers spontaneous interactions vital for building weak ties essential for happiness and success ([139:18]).
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Hybrid Work Environments: Less face-to-face interaction diminishes opportunities for organic relationship-building in professional settings.
11. Spotting Liars: Limitations and Cues
While discussing the ability to detect deception, Vanessa notes that most people can only identify lies with 54% accuracy, which is barely better than chance. She outlines key vocal and nonverbal cues that may indicate dishonesty:
- Vocal Cues: Question inflection and sudden volume drops.
- Nonverbal Cues: Incongruent gestures like nodding no while saying yes, and expressions of disgust.
Quote: "Most people can only spot a lie with 54% accuracy. They've actually studied. The average person is very bad. You'd be better off tossing a coin." ([144:51])
12. Overcoming Personal Challenges and Embracing Imperfection
Vanessa shares her experience of overcoming failure and the importance of embracing imperfections:
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Failure as a Catalyst: After a failed book launch, Vanessa persevered, eventually leading to successful ventures by leveraging her authentic self ([159:05]).
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Authentic Vulnerability: Sharing genuine vulnerabilities helps build deeper connections and fosters trust.
Quote: "Stop trying to be perfect. Own your authentic vulnerabilities. Don't purposely smell a smoothie." ([164:00])
13. Actionable Steps for Enhancing Charisma and Communication
To conclude, Vanessa provides practical challenges for listeners to enhance their charisma and communication skills:
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Break Autopilot: Commit to avoiding default small talk questions like "What do you do?" and instead ask more engaging questions such as "What's your biggest goal right now?" ([157:31]).
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Assess Warmth and Competence: Determine where you fall on the warmth-competence scale and adjust your cues accordingly.
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Email Audit: Evaluate your written communication for warmth and competence signals.
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Seek Feedback: Have others assess your warmth and competence to gain external perspectives.
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Friendship Dates: Approach making friends with the intentionality of dating to build meaningful relationships ([138:23]).
14. Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Vanessa emphasizes the importance of continuous learning and adaptation in improving interpersonal skills. She encourages listeners to embrace their unique strengths, remain authentic, and proactively seek positive interactions to foster both personal and professional growth.
Closing Quote: "I have no idea if you like this interview. I have no idea if you like my work. But the more that you can broadcast those symbols, those signals, the more people actually like you." ([137:30])
Conclusion: This episode serves as a comprehensive guide to understanding and mastering body language and nonverbal communication. Vanessa Van Edwards provides valuable insights backed by research and personal experience, offering listeners actionable strategies to enhance their charisma, build stronger relationships, and achieve greater success in various facets of life.