The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Episode: World No.1 Divorce Lawyer: This Is A Sign You’ll Divorce In 10 Years!

Released: February 12, 2026
Guests: Jim Sexton (World-Renowned Divorce Lawyer)
Host: Steven Bartlett (DOAC)

Episode Overview

In this compelling and emotionally rich episode, Steven Bartlett interviews Jim Sexton—an acclaimed divorce lawyer known for his candid, compassionate, and deeply insightful take on relationships, love, and why marriages fail. Together they unpack the hidden patterns behind break-ups, the practical and emotional tools to build lasting love, and challenge the stigma around difficult conversations like prenups and emotional intimacy.

Bartlett, newly engaged, seeks Sexton's wisdom both for himself and listeners, aiming to surface the most important habits and mindsets that predict long-term love and the subtle mistakes that silently sink relationships.

Key Themes and Insights

1. Love as a Ritual and Commitment, Not Just a Feeling

• Weekly Ritual for Connection
  Sexton recommends a concrete relationship ritual:

  "Once a week, tell your partner three things that you love about them and three things they could have done better." (00:34)

  He emphasizes that small, consistent gestures of appreciation and gentle feedback prevent distance (slippage) from accumulating unnoticed.

• Performance Reviews in Relationships
  Sexton draws an analogy between the ongoing effort we give to work and what we owe our partners:

  "Why don’t we as a society just acknowledge we're kind of bad at this? We're kind of bad at maintaining connection." (15:40)

• Facing Discomfort for Intimacy
  Most people avoid small, uncomfortable conversations, even though, as Sexton says, “no single raindrop is responsible for the flood” (27:25), and neglect builds until it becomes irreversible.

2. The Number One Reason Marriages End: Losing Emotional Prioritization

• For High Achievers:
  Sexton observes that successful and driven individuals are highly prone to letting their partner slip down the “list” of life’s priorities—not out of malice, but through sheer distraction and busyness.

  "In the list of things that are important to Steven, she's somewhere in the middle to bottom of that list." (11:33)

  The core failure is that the partner stops being seen, noticed, or emotionally prioritized.

• The Hidden Build-Up:
  Sexton introduces slippage:

  “Small disconnections that in themselves mean nothing. Like, no single raindrop responsible for the flood... at some point, you were there.” (27:23)

3. Misconceptions About Relationships: The Myth of Effortlessness

• Rom-Coms Are Emotional Pornography
  Sexton takes aim at unrealistic media portrayals:

  “Can we agree that the rom-com...is basically just an emotional version of pornography? It's a stylized, exerted falsehood...designed to amplify the most visually and emotionally compelling aspects.” (19:57)

• Relationships Require Attention, Not Just Work

  “Is that hard? Really? Is that hard? Paying attention isn't that hard. Remembering to pay attention might be hard...” (22:09)

• Thinking Marriage Will or Won’t Change You/Your Partner
  Two dangerous beliefs:

  1. “Marriage will change the other person.”
  2. “Once we get married, nothing will change.” (113:38)

  Both deny the ongoing evolution of individuals and relationships.

4. Courage, Vulnerability, and Worthiness of Love

• Hard Truths from a Divorce Lawyer
  Sexton sees a recurring pattern:

  “We’re terrified…that we feel like we’re not worthy of love. I think it’s most people’s fundamental terror. If you could see me, the real me…that you couldn’t possibly love me.” (43:47)

  Love’s greatest challenge is allowing oneself to be seen—imperfections and all.

• Attachment Styles and Old Wounds
  Both men reflect on how childhood wounds—e.g., needing to be independent as a result of unreliable parenting—can fuel avoidant or anxious attachment, which sabotages adult connection.

5. Practical Tools for Growth and Connection

• The Weekly Relationship Ritual (Advanced Edition):

  • 3 things you love about your partner (different every week)
  • 3 things your partner did that made you feel loved
  • 3 things you/they could have done better
  • 3 things they did that made you desire them (41:52, 43:47)

• Having the Hard Conversations
  Sexton urges facing prenups, sexual frequency, and declining patience before they become sources of resentment:

  “If you’d be scared to mention a prenup to your partner, then you should definitely mention a prenup to your partner. Because what that means is I'm afraid to have a hard conversation...” (82:22)

• The Menu Approach
  Instead of guessing your partner’s needs when they’re upset, offer options—“the menu”—and ask explicitly what kind of support they want. (40:10–41:36)

6. Relationship Breakdowns: Cheating, Slippage, and the Real Reasons People Divorce

• Cheating as a Symptom, Not the Cause

  • Men and women cheat at similar rates, but women who cheat are often already emotionally checked out; men compartmentalize, seeing affairs as unrelated to the marriage. (08:42–11:20)
  • Underlying cause: “We lost the plot”—the couple lost their sense of being each other’s favorite person, of vital connection. (23:15, 26:07)

• Practical vs. Real Reasons

  • The cited reason for divorce (cheating, money fights, etc.) is rarely the root cause.
  • The true cause is nearly always the cumulative impact of “slippage” and a drift from mutual prioritization.

7. Prenups and Pet-nups: How Legal Agreements Can Strengthen (Not Weaken) Marriages

• The Case for Prenups
  • Sexton says prenups aren’t a sign of distrust, but a chance for couples to choose their rules, rather than rely on impersonal government rules.

  “You have a prenup, it’ll either be written by the state legislature or it'll be written by you and she. Who do you trust more?” (81:09)

• Avoiding Catastrophe
  • Without a prenup, assets can become commingled and divisible after as little as 7 years of marriage, with legal battles often lasting years and costing millions. (94:57–98:21)
• Pet-nups
  • Contracts for shared pets, specifying custody and care after a breakup; increasingly popular and often essential, emotionally and legally. (104:31–108:01)

8. Society, Independence vs. Connection, and Changing Attitudes

• The modern world, especially in Western society, glorifies independence while shaming dependency, making genuine connection more elusive. (60:11–64:10)
• Divorce rates have spiked for people over 50 (the “grey divorce”), as stigmas fade and women have more financial autonomy. (109:18–113:28)
• Millennials and Gen Z seem more pragmatic, marrying later and more selectively.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Facing the Small Disconnections:

  “No single raindrop is responsible for the flood.”
  — Jim Sexton (27:25)

• On the Marriage “Job”

  “You run so many teams, how often do you go, ‘We don’t need to have performance reviews?’”
  — Jim Sexton (17:22)

• On Avoidance

  "Addiction is anything you do to get away from feeling what you would have felt if you’d done nothing at all. And I've always said to people, work is my favorite narcotic."
  — Jim Sexton (74:36)

• On Keeping the Plot

  “You stop paying attention. You stop doing what you’re currently doing. How did you get to this beautiful moment? You start doing the opposite.”
  — Jim Sexton (26:28)

• On the Ultimate Gift of Marriage

  “Your marriage will end, I promise. I hope it ends in death. And I hope when it ends, that you will look at her and you will say, she helped me become the most authentic version of myself. And she’s still my favorite person. That’s the greatest gift that you could give to her and that you can give to each other…”
  — Jim Sexton (113:38, 119:26)

• On Bravery in Love

  “If you’re not scared, it’s not brave. It’s brave because you’re scared and you do it anyway.”
  — Jim Sexton (119:33)

• On Worthiness

  “We’ve come to associate accomplishment with being worthy of love. And that’s really all that it is. Otherwise, what’s the purpose of it?”
  — Jim Sexton (124:48)

• On What Remains

  "Everything you have will add up to a great pile of nothing other than the people who you love and the people who loved you and the experiences you had with those people. That’s it. That’s all that matters. Everything else is noise."
  — Jim Sexton (126:00)

Important Timestamps for Quick Reference

• 00:34 — The 3+3 relationship ritual
• 11:33 — Why high-achieving partners leave: slippage and lack of emotional prioritization
• 19:57 — The myth of effortless relationships: rom-com as emotional porn
• 26:28 — How marriages really lose the plot
• 27:23 — The concept of "slippage"
• 43:47 — Why we avoid intimate rituals and the fear of not being worthy of love
• 60:11 — Independence vs. connection, societal narratives
• 81:09 — The real reason you need a prenup (and when to discuss it)
• 104:31 — Pet-nups and animal custody
• 109:18 — Rising “grey divorce” and changing attitudes
• 113:38 — The most dangerous marriage assumptions
• 119:26 — The promise of helping each other become your most authentic self
• 124:17 — The most significant dream: the lesson of presence from Sexton's late mother

Conclusion: Big Lessons

Sexton and Bartlett together deliver a uniquely vulnerable and practical conversation about what really makes love last, why so many lose it, and what truly matters in the end. The recurring message? Genuine connection, courageous honesty, and conscious rituals are the beating heart of a lasting relationship.

To all listeners:
If you remember just one thing, make it this: Don’t let the “plot” slip away. Make honest, loving attention to your partner a conscious, recurring choice—not an afterthought. Because, as Sexton movingly reminds, “everything else is noise.”

For more, follow The Diary Of A CEO, and consider incorporating even just one new ritual—like the 3+3 weekly exercise—to keep your most important relationship front of mind.