Transcript
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Storyteller (1:53)
I have a story of something that happened to me a long while ago, but in hindsight it was really dumb of me and I feel terribly dumb now. So I've always been hesitant to tell a lot of people I know about it, except for my psychiatrist of course. And I always apologize for long posts, so it's hard not to here. There were some other conversations with this man named John, but I left some of them out for length's sake. This was a few years ago. It was pretty late, past 1:30 or 2:00am I was living with this boy who was pretty abusive and he'd gotten jealous at a party we were at earlier that night. Not even an hour after we got home. He had tossed me out onto our front porch and locked the door behind me. I was knocking and pleading for him to please let me back inside. I was still wearing what I had worn to the party and it was freezing outside. I wasn't sure what to do. He had my phone, purse and wallet in the house with them, so I just sat on the porch crying. When he turned off the lights inside and outside the house, I knew that he wasn't going to let me back in. I felt so helpless and cold. I thought about knocking on a neighbor's door, but I had anxiety about waking any of them up and causing trouble for my boyfriend. So instead I decided that I would try to walk to this gas station and motel, which was a little less than a mile away. I did this so I could use their phone to try and call a girlfriend of mine to see if I could sleep over with her. Ironically enough, the road I was walking on was Donner Pass Road, so the freezing cold was fitting. But anyway, a little bit into the walk, this tall white pickup truck was approaching on the opposite side of the road that I was on. I tried to not make eye contact for obvious reasons, but then I heard the truck stopping and beginning to make a U turn and my heart just started pounding. I just about froze up, but forced myself to speed walk at the very least. The truck pulled up to me and this guy rolled down his window and asked what I was doing out this late. I told him how I was going to meet my friend at the gas station and that she was expecting me. He sort of smiled and offered me a ride. I said, no thank you, deciding that I shouldn't hitchhike. He then told me, well, good, I don't pick up hitchhikers or anyone. You don't look like a hitchhiker though. You just look like you need some help. He kept driving next to me and told me that I shouldn't think he was a creep. He pulled out what looked like a police badge and told me that he had just gotten off duty, which is why he was in civilian clothes and out so late. He said that he wouldn't mind driving next to me just to make sure I got to where I was heading safely. I was naive and a bit too trusting of his kindness and credentials, and when he offered me a ride again, I said that it would be nice because the gas station wasn't that far anyway. He popped the door open for me and I hopped in. The radio was low, it was a little messy, the ashtray was full of cigarettes and there were a lot of newspapers on the passenger floor. As I was moving my feet, some of the paper shifted, showing a pair of handcuffs, some coffee cups, empty water bottles, rags, a highlighter colored bandana, and some other things. He apologized, saying it was the truck that he took hunting, but it was super warm, so I was Happy and I didn't mind at all. He told me that his name was John and he asked why I was scantily dressed without a jacket. I started to tell him about the party and the fight that I had been in with my boyfriend. He was super charming and attentive. He even laughed saying he could go back and arrest him. I asked about him and he told me about his family. He was a young dad. He had a wife, a daughter, a son and a dog. I told him it was like he had the perfect little family and he laughed saying that he certainly did. Then it sort of clicked for me to ask him if I could use his phone, but he said no because he had to save his battery. We were approaching the gas station and he drove right past it. I politely said, oh, I think that's the one, but he didn't answer me. I felt sick to my stomach. My heart started pounding and I started getting choked up. My eyes started tearing up as I was looking out the windows and watching the lights behind us getting further and further away. It was hard for me to even speak, but somehow I murmured, asking if he could please turn around. And he ignored me. Whenever I would look at him, he just looked empty eyed and emotionless, totally dead and glazed. I looked out of the back window and down at the road to see if maybe we were going slow enough that I could make a leap out of the car without seriously injuring myself. I remember always hearing never go to the second location. But I thought about the possibility of jumping out and breaking an ankle and how it would be a lot harder to get away with one foot as opposed to two. I debated with myself that there was snow on the ground, but then again, snow is hard to get around in, especially when you're not fully clothed. I feel so dumb now too, because I wasn't even tied up or anything. I was just so scared though. Like there was nothing but trees, an empty road, and us. I was crying pretty badly at this point and asked if I could please borrow his phone again. I don't know why I even asked and he told me to stop talking. Then he had started talking under his breath saying girls shouldn't be out so late. You shouldn't have been alone this late. Look what you're doing to me, dressed like a slut and other derogatory things as he kept saying these terrible things. I wasn't even responding. I was just crying and trying to think past the fear that I was feeling. I remembered the pair of handcuffs that I'd seen under the papers beneath my feet. So I used that little, I don't know how to describe it, like scoopy motion. I managed to use my feet to scoop the handcuffs and use my heels and toes to push them under the bottom of my seat as far as I could. I was thinking of different things I could do to try to help myself. Like if we were close enough to some upcoming lights or structures, I could just grab the wheel and cause us to crash into them. Or maybe if I got lucky enough for a cop to pass us, I could grab the wheel and swerve so he would appear to be a drunk driver and we'd get pulled over. I guiltily thought about the possibility that this man was just having a weird night and how if I did anything, it would hurt him. But I told myself that that sort of thinking is what got me into this mess. He pulled off the road where there were still woods on both sides of us. On his side the wooded trees were closer to the road. On mine there was a small gap fully covered in thick snow before trees thickly piled up maybe 10, 16 yards away. He turned off the car and coldly said that there was something wrong with the car and to get out with him. As he grabbed the keys and was stepping out of the car, I grabbed onto the center console and cried and pleaded, not wanting to get out with him because it was too cold. He turned around to face me, his door still open, and he shouted at me to get out of the car because we had to go check out the trunk bed hatch. I dug my fingernails deeper into the console, thinking that my cries and head shaking would cause him to come around to my side of the car and drag me out himself. I was crying and said, please John, I'm so cold and scared. I was thinking of everything I ever heard. Humanize yourself, use first names. He stared at me in this way I can't even describe it in this day I don't even know how to start. He got back in the car and I sling toward my window, scared that he would drag me over the console. He turned off the headlights and everything just looked dark blue. He stared at the steering wheel for what felt like years before, lighting a cigarette and looking out his window back at me and then back out his window. He heard me shuffle my feet on the newspapers. I was just adjusting my legs. But while still staring out his window he told me that if I thought about running, he had a quick way to get me where he wanted me. And oddly enough I was sort of thinking of running. Minutes before that but reasoned that if he wanted me out of the car then I should definitely stay in. Otherwise he would chase me or shoot me. I'm glad I was right. I think at that point I had sort of hit some sort of bottom of my reserve and instead of panic there was just numbness and exhaustion. There was still an occasional hot tear or two, but I just remember being numb. I talked to a psychiatrist about this sort of thing and he thinks it just came from my ex boyfriend's giving me ptsd. It was dead quiet, but I finally just barely audibly told him that my friend was still waiting for me and then asked about his wife and children. He then flatly said that he didn't have a wife or children and that his house was empty. I asked him what he was thinking about and he said I thinking of what to do with you. He didn't say it angrily, he just said it flatly and coldly which sort of scared me more. I did start getting worked back up to a cry at that point and he told me not to cry and turned the car on, offering me some heat. I just cried and said I wanted to go home. Eventually he had started driving and he kept driving until we were approaching a gas station. I was gauging the right time to reach for the wheel but before I could he started slowing down. While pulling up. He told me not to tell anyone or who would find me. Then he told me all he was doing was teaching me a lesson not to hitchhike with strangers. He was almost coming to a complete stop when he told me to get out before he changed his mind. Before he could even get another look at me to assess my understanding, I was already down out of the truck and sprinting toward the gas station. The panic was overwhelming me, but then I stopped and remembered to try and see his license plate. I turned around but only caught the blur of the last three numbers as he was driving off. I ran inside and I asked the clerk behind the counter to please call the police. I waited until the officer got there and I'll be honest, I was a little scared it would be John. My fears melted away when the new faced policeman got there. I gave him the description of John, his appearance, the vehicle, color and type, the parts of license plate that I had caught, the fact that he said that he was an off duty cop, just basically anything I could. I asked him if he could look at the camera and the officers disappeared in the back for a little bit, then came back saying that there was nothing on them. I asked if I would be able to look and the officer said no and asked me if I didn't trust him. I told him of course I did. The officer gave me a ride to my friends, lecturing me for hitchhiking, consisting of him repeatedly asking if I knew who Ted Bundy was. Of course I knew. I was just naive to think that it could never happen to me and I was desperate for some warmth. I never heard anything back about the report that was made, so I tried to follow up and each time I did, they never got back to me. Aside from this one time I was told my case number didn't even exist, but that didn't stop me from trying to follow up. Throughout the months and years. I asked my friend if she ever heard of any weirdness or anything since that incident had happened, whether to her or anyone up there. As she always says no. So I sort of let it go and just tried to tell myself that maybe he actually was just trying to teach me a lesson or something. I mean, I definitely never hitchhiked again, so it was a lesson. It certainly worked. I never heard anything back having to do with the case. I never heard of any other odd experiences up there. Maybe it was just one man trying to teach me something, but honestly, sometimes I think to tell myself that to help me sleep better at night. It all felt really real. Even if it wasn't real. I'm really glad that I didn't get out of the car in the woods that night.
