Searching for my samurai mother

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Searching for My Samurai Mother”
The Documentary Podcast, BBC World Service
Host: Eloise Stevens
Air Date: July 24, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode follows the personal and spiritual journey of writer Rimi Tanaka as she seeks to reconnect with her late mother, Akemi Tanaka—a Japanese cultural teacher and descendant of samurai. Prompted by an unexpected opportunity to continue her mother’s unfinished book about samurai women, Rimi embarks on a path of research, self-discovery, and ancestral connection. Through interviews, recollections, and hands-on experiences, the episode explores themes of identity, intergenerational bonds, duty, embodied knowledge, and what it means to be shaped by both Japanese heritage and life abroad.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Memories of Akemi: The “Magical” Mother

[01:11]

• Rimi recalls her mother as “magical and distant,” exuding an aura of beauty and mystery.
• Akemi expresses her deep connection to kimono and the natural seasons in Japan:

  “Cherry blossom is beautiful now. So I can’t wear cherry blossom kimono because my kimono cannot win the beautiful natural cherry blossom flower. So wearing kimono is wonderful. Think about nature, beauty.” – Akemi Tanaka [01:41]

2. From Loss to Literary Legacy

[03:01]

• After Akemi’s untimely death from esophageal cancer, Rimi is approached with the opportunity to write the samurai book her mother planned but never began.
• Rimi feels fate or her mother’s magic is at play:

  “It felt like fated that I was called up to do something that I would love to do at that time. And it really felt like Akemi’s doing because Akemi is magical.” – Rimi Tanaka [03:59]

3. The True Nature of Samurai

[04:45]

• Dispelling stereotypes, Rimi explains samurai as a class of disciplined military elites, but also practitioners of traditional arts like tea ceremony and flower arrangement.

[05:07]

• Rimi highlights the core samurai principle of “bumbu ryōdō” (letteredness and martiality)—the necessity of balance between intellectual and physical pursuits:

  "You have to be good at academia as well as good at athletics. You can't be a meathead… you have to be a mixture of the two." – Rimi Tanaka [05:07]

4. Gaps, Distance, and Disconnection

[06:27]

• Rimi shares the emotional distance between her and her mother, stemming from lack of deep communication. Cultural shame around divorce and the fragmentation of family shaped their relationship.

[07:28]

• Rimi and Akemi’s relocation from Japan to England left a trail of broken ties, particularly with Rimi’s Japanese grandparents, creating a sense of severance and cultural loss:

  “Obaachan had to hear from the headteacher that her daughter had eloped with an Englishman and left to England with me. She... severed ties completely with Akemi for about 12 years.” – Rimi Tanaka [07:28]

[09:03]

• The cultural shock of moving to Orkney, Scotland, intensified Rimi’s sense of displacement and suppressed emotion.

5. Connection Through the Tea Ceremony

[10:03]

• The tea ceremony was the spiritual and emotional bridge between Rimi and Akemi.

• Rei Seto Okablom, Japanese tea practitioner, explains:

  “The tea ceremony is not about just making tea and drinking tea, but it’s about creating the connection between host and guest through the stillness and mindfulness... ultimately, it’s about creating inner peace.” – Rei Seto Okablom [10:03]

• The formality of their interactions sometimes got in the way of open emotional connection:

  "We were never hanging out in a way that would create a sense of understanding between us through words. Sometimes I don't think we understood each other at all." – Rimi Tanaka [12:23]

6. From Research to Embodiment: The Way of the Sword

[12:57]

• Rimi realizes that immersion in practice, not just research, is necessary for understanding samurai beliefs; so she seeks out martial practices.

[13:32]

• Rimi learns Batodo, a samurai sword martial art, from John Mackie Evans, a practitioner and former student of Akemi.

[14:08]

• John explains the influence of Esoteric Buddhism and Shugendo (the path of training and testing) on samurai training, focusing on mind-body integration through chanting, visualization, and breath control.

  "...bring everything into that absolute decisive moment where you have to overcome both the fear of dying and the fear of killing… That gives you... [a] tool which in turn develops an indomitable quality, decisiveness." – John Mackie Evans [16:01]

7. Embodied Wisdom and the “Ki” of Akemi

[16:33]

• Akemi is remembered as someone full of “ki” or life force—decisive, clear, and influential.

  “She was very clear what she wanted. If somebody’s not going to cooperate, she’s not going to waste her time.” – John Mackie Evans [16:45]
  “I wouldn’t have described Akemi’s magical aura as ki, but actually it probably is that, isn’t it?” – Rimi Tanaka [16:59]

8. Samurai Values: Duty, Sacrifice, and Ancestry

[21:39]

• Samurai ethos centers on duty and self-sacrifice, serving a higher purpose or lord.
• Rimi draws a parallel between these values and her sense of obligation to her mother's memory and to her ancestors.

9. Ancestor Worship & Spiritual Continuity

[22:27]

• Akemi’s death transforms her presence for Rimi—she feels guided and supported, not abandoned.

  “Instead of feeling an absence of her, I just felt like she was present all the time now because she had become one of the ancestors… it actually made me feel like I had a duty to continue her good work...” – Rimi Tanaka [22:27]

[24:19]

• Rimi articulates a powerful metaphor for ancestral connection, inspired by Māori tradition:

  “We, as individuals, it is like we're walking backwards into the unknown, whereas the ancestors are facing forwards, looking at us and what's behind us... you can also act more boldly and feel like your decisions aren’t just like a one person thing, it's more of like a group thing.” – Rimi Tanaka [24:19]

10. New Bonds with Heritage and Self

[25:43]

• Writing the samurai book has provided Rimi with new avenues to maintain ties to Japan and her identity, beyond the lives of her living relatives.

  “I don’t have a way to really express my Japaneseness, and I was fine with that... but now that I’ve written this book... it’s opened doors for me to actually continue my relationship with Japan in a way that’s after her life.” – Rimi Tanaka [26:14]

[27:39]

• At her mother’s memorial tree, Rimi offers final reflections of gratitude and admiration for Akemi’s fearless life and motherhood:

  “I don't know how you did it, like, lived so fearlessly.... I also don’t know how you raised a child on your own. And I guess I’m quite grateful for that.” – Rimi Tanaka [27:39]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Akemi’s Magical Quality:
  “Akemi had a magical aura around her. She was very beautiful, like really beautiful. Quite aloof, like not really knowable in some ways... I just found her like magical and distant.” – Rimi Tanaka [01:11]

• On Tea Ceremony & Inner Peace:
  “The tea ceremony is not about just making tea and drinking tea, but it's about creating the connection between host and guest through the stillness and mindfulness and share the time together. Ultimately, it's about creating inner peace.” – Rei Seto Okablom [10:03]

• On Embodied Learning:
  “I was really focusing a lot on letteredness, like gaining knowledge through books. And then I really kind of realized, well, I have to actually go do the practices, some of them at least, to understand what the samurai might have believed.” – Rimi Tanaka [12:57]

• On Decisiveness and "Ki":
  “She was very clear what she wanted. If somebody’s not going to cooperate, she’s not going to waste her time.” – John Mackie Evans [16:45]

• On Ancestral Support:
  “If you believe in like a backing of people, you can also act more boldly and feel like your decisions aren’t just like a one person thing, it’s more of like a group thing.” – Rimi Tanaka [24:19]

• On Akemi's Legacy:
  “Her presence was enough to really shine and teach me something about a way to live.” – Rimi Tanaka [26:14]

---

Key Thematic Timestamps

• [01:11] Introduction to Akemi Tanaka's character and aura
• [03:01] The book proposal and Rimi’s inherited project
• [04:45] Reframing traditional samurai identity
• [07:28] Cultural and familial rupture upon leaving Japan
• [10:03] Tea ceremony as emotional connection
• [13:32] Beginning Batodo (samurai sword training)
• [16:33] Discussion of "ki" and Akemi’s decisiveness
• [21:39] Reflections on self-sacrifice and samurai duty
• [22:27] Akemi’s spiritual presence posthumously
• [24:19] The meaning and impact of ancestor worship
• [26:14] Writing as a bridge to heritage
• [27:39] Final tributes to Akemi at the memorial tree

---

Tone & Style

The tone is deeply personal, reflective, and evocative. Eloise Stevens guides the narrative gently and respectfully. Rimi’s voice is both vulnerable and searching, often tempered with humor and self-awareness. The podcast weaves family reminiscence with cultural and philosophical inquiry for a story that feels both intimate and universal.

---

For Listeners

Whether exploring Japanese heritage, navigating intergenerational memory, or considering how we connect with those we've lost, this episode offers a moving meditation on identity, loss, and the ways our ancestors continue to shape our lives—often in unexpected, magical ways.

Transcript

[BBC Announcer]

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the uk.

[Odoo Advertiser]

Imagine buying a toy for your kid, but it doesn't come with batteries. That sucks. But honestly, it's even worse. When you buy business software, you end up with fragmented, disconnected systems that cost a fortune and don't talk to each other. Odoo completely changes that. Odoo comes fully complete with all your business apps perfectly integrated and working together seamlessly. It's everything your business needs in one place, saving you time, headaches and serious money. Stop paying for missing pieces. Go to odoo.com that's odoo.com to learn more.

[BBC Announcer]

Decisions made in Washington can affect your portfolio every day, but what policy changes should investors be watching? Washington Wise is an original podcast from Charles Schwab that unpacks the stories making news in Washington right now and how they may affect your finances and portfolio. [e-mail] WashingtonWise that's schwab.com WashingtonWise

[Rimi Tanaka]

My mother is magical. Akemi had a magical aura around her. She was very beautiful, like really beautiful. Quite aloof, like not really knowable in some ways. Maybe that was actually part of her beauty thing where you're like, well, you can't be real so you're just distanced from them. Yeah, I just found her like magical and distant.

[Akemi Tanaka]

I like wearing kimono and also kimono. Oh, now it's April. I can wear this pattern of kimono and think about the season and cherry blossom is beautiful now. So I can't wear cherry blossom kimono because my kimono cannot win the beautiful natural cherry blossom flower. So wearing kimono is wonderful. Think about nature, beauty.

[Eloise Stevens]

Akemi Tanaka, speaking there on BBC Radio London, moved from Japan to England in 1995, making a name for herself as a Japanese language and cultural lecturer. As a descendant of the Tanaka Samurai family, she was committed to keeping her ancestral traditions alive and had recently written

[Akemi Tanaka]

a book called the Power of Choa. Choa literally means harmony, but I wrote about searching for the balance in your life.

[Eloise Stevens]

She was on a roll and had briefly mentioned to her daughter her plans to write a second book.

[Rimi Tanaka]

And then when she was wanting to start the project, she was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. And it was really late stage. So, you know, sadly, like after the diagnosis, she died in about, you know, four or five months. So she never got to do that.

[Interviewer]

I'm sorry.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Five years after her death, on my 36th birthday, I got an email from her literary agent being like, rumi, did you know what your mother's next book was going to be about. So I said, yeah, it was going to be about samurai culture. And this literary agent was like, would you want to pitch anything like that to us because we're looking for something? And I was like, is this real? I don't get what's happening. And so I replied being like, yeah, I'm really interested. I'm a writer. And I was just, you know, sending things off to magazines, often being rejected, writing loads of short stories. They didn't really get anywhere. And then within like three months, I had a pitch and a proposal and it was being sent around to publishers and it was my mother's idea. It felt like fated that I was called up to do something that I would love to do at that time. And it really felt like Akemi's doing because Akemi is magical.

[Eloise Stevens]

This is the documentary from the BBC World Service. I'm Eloise Stevens and in this episode of Heart and Soul, I follow one of my oldest friends, Rimika Tanaka, as an extraordinary opportunity sets her off on a path she would never otherwise have taken. Taken in her book, Akemi wanted to focus on samurai women and how samurai beliefs could teach us how to live a fuller life today. But having grown up in the UK for most of her life, how does Rimi even begin to write this book? And can it bring her closer to her mother? Even though the samurai class was abolished in 1869, a stereotype prevails. All long swords and impressive armor. So who were they really?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Samurai were the military elite and they practiced lots of traditional Japanese arts that still exist today. So apart from the sword fighting and the martial arts, samurai also did tea ceremony and ikebana flower arrangement.

[Eloise Stevens]

A core belief guides this intensive training designed to develop rigor, self belief and an inner calm.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Bumbu liudo is letteredness and martiality. It's the idea that you have to be balanced in your achievements, so you have to be good at academia as well as good at athletics. You can't be a meathead and you can't just be a geek. You have to be a mixture of the two.

[Eloise Stevens]

And so Rimi sits down to delve deeper into the samurai.

[Interviewer]

How did you feel when you first started writing the book?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Really lost. I think I just wanted the book to be good. That's all I cared about. That would be enough to please Akemi.

[Eloise Stevens]

And thinking about her mother, of course, is Rumi's first step towards understanding samurai beliefs.

[Rimi Tanaka]

My mum's dad's family, some old G chan's side, is related to the Musashi warriors going all the way back to Ota dokan, who's a 15th century samurai lord. She practiced a lot of traditional Japanese art, like sado, the tea ceremony. She even did like, fan dancing. And when she practiced the traditional Japanese arts, because they're so tied up with samurai culture, she would have been taught in a similar way to, like, martial artists get taught to be disciplined.

[Eloise Stevens]

But beyond that, Rimmy can't really pin down what her mother might have believed.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I just. I really don't think I got to know my mother while she was alive. Probably because she held a lot back from me, didn't talk about how she felt, ever.

[Eloise Stevens]

The two of them didn't spend a lot of time together either. As a child, Remy felt her mother wasn't around very much.

[Rimi Tanaka]

My mother got divorced from my biological father when I was born, so then she was a single mum, you know, she didn't have any money, so she would have had to have a job.

[Interviewer]

When you came back home from the hospital, did you go straight to Obaachan and Oji chan's house, your grandparents?

[Rimi Tanaka]

I imagine so. I don't really know. No one's ever told me about these times because they're so awful. I think. Really, especially in Japan where, like, shame culture is huge.

[Interviewer]

Do you think there was a lot of shame on Akemi?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Yeah, I think so. I think if someone divorces you, it's always a woman's fault.

[Eloise Stevens]

I can tell Rimmy is resisting dwelling on these times, but maybe it's because she was quite content. While her mother went to work as an English language teacher in a school nearby, Rimi spent long, happy days with her grandparents until the age of about 5.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I was meant to go to elementary school in Japan and I didn't turn up. Then the headteacher called Obaachan on the phone and the head teacher said, your granddaughter's not here. Do you know where they are? And Obaachan was, I have no idea. Do you know where they are? And he goes, well, I heard that they might have just left, but I don't really know. And so Obaachan had to hear from the headteacher that her daughter had eloped with an Englishman and left to England with me. She just completely was so angry, I think. And then severed ties completely with akemi for about 12 years.

[Interviewer]

Wow.

[Eloise Stevens]

Rimi Akemi and her new English husband flew to his parents home in the remote islands of Orkney in Scotland.

[Rimi Tanaka]

It just felt like a really big piece of natural sea. There's no trees, it's just sea, very windy. And Granny and Grantcha, who are my English grandparents, they were there and they're really nice.

[Interviewer]

Do you remember your mum at this time?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Well, actually, no, because they left me there. My mum and my dad took me to Orkney, then left to Japan, I think, and I was just left there with Granny and Grantcha.

[Interviewer]

They went back to Japan?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Yeah, or somewhere else, because I actually don't know where they went. Now I'm very excited about meeting my next guest, Akimi Tanaka.

[Akemi Tanaka]

Welcome. Thank you very much for inviting me, Jo.

[Eloise Stevens]

Over the next few years, Akemi traveled a lot, building a career as a Japanese lecturer and trying to make money for the household.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Meanwhile, in Orkney, everyone spoke English and not a word of Japanese and everything was different from, like, the food to the TV shows, to the sounds, to the clothes.

[Eloise Stevens]

It sounds like a lot for a young child to take on board.

[Rimi Tanaka]

So I just probably repressed my own emotions because I was like, well, this is it now. I have no idea what to really say. This is just the shock and then you get used to it, but by the time you get used to having not really feeling your emotions, you just don't really feel them that much.

[Eloise Stevens]

At the age of about eight, Rimmy moved to Sussex in the UK with her mum and her mum's husband and went to a Christian school.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I think I took on quite a lot of Christian values which were completely alien to Akemi growing up in Japan and living there, because Japan is not a Christian country. And I think maybe that's one of the biggest differences, honestly.

[Eloise Stevens]

The one time Rimi did feel closest to her mother, though, was when Akemi hosted tea ceremonies for her.

[Rei Seto Okablom]

The tea ceremony is not about just making a tea and drinking tea, but it's about creating the connection between host and guest through the stillness and mindfulness and share the time together. Ultimately, it's about creating inner peace. So what is inner peace to you?

[Rimi Tanaka]

It's not having many thoughts, I think, but more being aware of what's happening around my body.

[Rei Seto Okablom]

That's a great answer.

[Eloise Stevens]

Wanting to understand more about what her mother believed, Rimi visits Rei Seto Okablom, a Japanese tea practitioner, in her London studio.

[Rei Seto Okablom]

Lots of tea masters and tea practitioners talk about is translated as one time, one meeting, but in a real meaning is this particular moment doesn't come back in the same way again. So you might see these people over and over again, but in this situation and in this place, it would never happen again. So you want to cherish the moment and treat each other with a respect

[Eloise Stevens]

and sincerity, but these interactions between Rumi and her mother were, according to the art form, highly formalized.

[Rei Seto Okablom]

The samurais have to leave their support behind, otherwise they cannot come into the tea house. So there's no social distinct and they only share the peaceful time and the bowl of tea. And you are expected to know the pattern of the conversation. For example, when you have the sip of the tea, the guest is supposed to say, this is very delicious, thank you. And then after the session, the guests are supposed to make a compliment. Oh, this is great. Tea bowl.

[Rimi Tanaka]

When you're doing the tea ceremony, it's like a play. People have to perform properly, otherwise the whole performance is just a little bit off. Hey, thank you.

[Rei Seto Okablom]

Thank you.

[Eloise Stevens]

Enjoying tea in this way was almost like a microcosm of their relationship.

[Rimi Tanaka]

We were never hanging out in a way that would create a sense of understanding between us through words. Sometimes I don't think we understood each other at all. Like the language we used, the way we felt, the expressions, they were just very different from each other. So that's why I felt like I never really got to know her.

[Eloise Stevens]

Language is the principal lens through which Rimmy understands the world. But as the project progresses, she realizes it is not really serving her.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I reached this point in like all of my research and going to libraries and watching films and things where I was like, I don't think I'm really getting it. Because the samurai didn't have a codified belief system, so there's not like a text or anything concrete that I can go to to understand what samurai believed in. I was really focusing a lot on like letteredness, like gaining knowledge through books. And then I really kind of realized, well, I have to actually go do the practices, some of them at least, to understand what the samurai might have believed.

[Eloise Stevens]

Okay, Remy, so we're on our way to take part in a samurai practice.

[Interviewer]

Where are we going?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Going to see John Mackie Evans, who's a sword specialist and martial artist. He was actually a student of my mother's, a Japanese language student.

[Eloise Stevens]

This sword martial art is called Batodo and is descended from the samurai's own sword practice.

[John Mackie Evans]

Batodo literally means to draw and cut in order to function as a warrior in a life threatening situation or to cope with this principle that as a samurai you're prepared to give up your life for your lord. Yeah, well, you can do all the help you can get with coping with that.

[Eloise Stevens]

And it is believed that this training was based on Esoteric Buddhism and a practice called Shugendo.

[John Mackie Evans]

Shugendo literally means the path of Training and testing, you know, you can't on the battlefield. Sit down, focus on your breathing and then get yourself all integrated. There isn't an opportunity to do that. So they have like a kind of incantations and mantras and hand positions. And you do these things in a very simple way which brings everything together and allows you to enter that situation. Most of the syllabus, the practical stuff that they do, comes from Vajrayana Buddhism, which is, you know, the tantric tradition in India. So it's to do with the mandala, the mudra and the mantra. So you have like a visual thing or a physical thing. So let's say in our case it's your own body. You have the voice work the way the voice connects to the energy. And then you have these intricate ways where you put the hands together to connect the energy together in the body. So you're bringing all of those things together. And that requires a lot of training. With the set. You forgot the set. We don't do full on sparring because we're using live blades. The main practice is the form, which is a solo form. And in, let's say two steps in, one inhale, one exhale, then there is that moment where you bring everything into that absolute decisive moment where you have to overcome both the fear of dying and the fear of killing, which is actually stronger in human beings. And then you have to become composed again. And that gives you over time a

[Eloise Stevens]

tool which in turn develops an indomitable quality, decisiveness.

[John Mackie Evans]

That's the role of a sword cutting through material illusion.

[Rimi Tanaka]

That's a really good metaphor, if not actually just real.

[Eloise Stevens]

Even though she was not a swordswoman, John believed that Akemi had that ability to be very decisive and influence her own fate.

[John Mackie Evans]

I mean, she makes an instantly vivid kind of impression.

[Eloise Stevens]

In Japan, one might say she was full of ki.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Ki or chi. Everything has it. It's like a life force or an energy and it sort of gets exchanged all the time between things and people and rivers or water.

[John Mackie Evans]

The masters of ki and energy, they can attract and then they can just sever, you know, I think she had a bit of that. She was very clear what she wanted. If somebody's not going to cooperate, she's not going to waste her time.

[Rimi Tanaka]

It's funny because I wouldn't have described a kemi's magical aura as key, but actually it probably is that, isn't it?

[John Mackie Evans]

I think so. A lot of it is, yes. Cut like a knife, I would say,

[Grainger Advertiser]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant. You keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Odoo Advertiser]

Self Directed Investing Trading Full Service Wealth Management Automated Investing Financial Planning Thematic Investing Retirement Planning. Phew. And to think that's just a small taste of what Schwab offers. Because Schwab knows that when it comes to your finances, choice matters. No matter your goals, investing style, life, stage or experience, Schwab has everything you need all in one place so you can invest your way. Visit schwab.com to learn more. Support comes from wise the smart way to manage the currencies you need around the globe Fed up with losing out to hidden fees when you send money abroad with your everyday bank? Choose the smart way Wise. You can count on the exchange rate you'd usually find on Google. No unwelcome surprises. Plus ditch that where's my money feeling. Most transfers arrive in under 20 seconds. Join millions saving billions on hidden fees. Be smart, get wise. Download the wise app today. Ts and Cs apply

[Eloise Stevens]

this is the documentary from the BBC World Service. I'm Eloise Stevens and I'm following my friend Rima Katanaka on a spiritual journey to discover her samurai ancestry and find out more about her Japanese mother.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Talking to John, I don't think I had really connected how important cutting was as a metaphor for living in a way that's quite samurai, which is also the way Akemi lived. And it's not just about decisiveness. I think it's being very sure of yourself, like committing to an action. Because the way that John talked about it, you know, he's placing a lot of importance on the act because he is imagining that it is a life or death situation. And I think if you place that much gravitas behind your actions as well, you have to be very determined and absolute when you're doing these things. And I think mentally that's very strong type of training.

[Eloise Stevens]

This extreme mental discipline is earned by focusing intently on the body.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Where are my hands? How is my upper body positioned?

[Eloise Stevens]

Do the breathing, which is known as embodied knowledge. It is the idea that the body has its own intelligence gained through muscle memory and physical interaction. The world Akemi is likely to have honed this by practicing tea ceremony, which may have had a wider influence on the way she lived.

[Rimi Tanaka]

If she thought about something and said, I want to do this, she would just do it. If she was out of her depths, it didn't seem to make her doubt or afraid. She was just doing them already. So by doing them, she became an expert in them. And that's why I think she lived quite an embodied life.

[Eloise Stevens]

Though Remy thinks she will never live like this. Samurai practices have brought her into our body in other ways.

[Rimi Tanaka]

What I realized is, like, I'd always placed a lot more importance on what I thought about and what I read and what I said, and not very much about how I lived my life or did things. That's probably why my emotions weren't as deep. I think they were always a little bit turned down. And so by doing practices like mindful movement or dance or martial arts, being quiet and doing stuff with your body actually allows you to feel emotions more loudly than the way I was living beforehand. It's good. It's good. It's doing really well. Thanks. No, no, it's fine. I hadn't really trusted the sword.

[Interviewer]

There was a point also in the bathodo where you're having to hold the sword blade towards yourself when you walk so as to protect everyone else but yourself. And the samurai obviously have to do this very extreme training to prepare to be killed and kill. What did you make of that?

[Rimi Tanaka]

When I was researching the book, I realized that self sacrifice was the ultimate form of duty. Samurai were always based upon serving duty to a lord. So I guess seeing it acted out in the idea of, like, you would sacrifice yourself for another if that was what was asked of you, I think is a very samurai thing.

[Eloise Stevens]

Rimi thinks her mother felt a similar sort of sacrificial duty. As Rimmy got further and further into writing the book, she realized that the project was not just a means for her to fulfil her dream. Its resonance was much more profound.

[Rimi Tanaka]

When Akemi died. What was weird for me is that instead of feeling an absence of her, I just felt like she was present all the time now because she had become one of the ancestors. And it actually made me feel like I had a duty to continue her good work, but not in, like, a legacy building way, more in a way that, like, so her and the ancestors would be proud of what I was doing in the realm of the living.

[Eloise Stevens]

We're in the famous Botanical Gardens at Kew on the outskirts of London in a heat wave.

[Rimi Tanaka]

It's so hot and blustery we're here

[Eloise Stevens]

to pay respects to Akemi Rimi's ancestor by visiting her memorial tree.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Okay, I'm gonna stop the compass and I'm gonna lead you to the tree which is actually over that way.

[Interviewer]

Nice.

[Eloise Stevens]

And what kind of tree is it?

[Rimi Tanaka]

I think it's a yamazakura, which is a cherry blossom tree that grows on the mountainsides.

[Interviewer]

Okay. Beautiful.

[Akemi Tanaka]

The compass says this way.

[Interviewer]

Okay, let's go that way.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I think it's this.

[Interviewer]

Oh,

[Grainger Advertiser]

yeah.

[Interviewer]

Oh, my goodness.

[Rimi Tanaka]

I found it.

[John Mackie Evans (casual)]

There you go.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Akemi Tanica Pennington. There it is, the tree. Yeah, it's summertime, so it's just the leaves are all green. I think it blossoms in around May.

[Interviewer]

And what kind of flowers will it have?

[Rimi Tanaka]

Pink. Like bright pink. Kind of like cloudy pink as well. Like cloud white.

[Interviewer]

Stunning.

[Eloise Stevens]

Just like many people in Japan today, the samurai practiced ancestor worship. It had always been a part of Remy's life, but it was only when her mother set her on the path of writing her book that she fully realized just how present the ancestors can be.

[Rimi Tanaka]

The thing about believing in ancestors is that it's as much about the descendants as it is about the ancestors, because acts that happen now affect the feelings of the ancestors who are somewhere else. Right. So people are acting responsibly in the past and in the future and in the present. It should all be, like, connected. When I studied anthropology, I heard a really good analogy from the Maori of New Zealand, where they also do ancestor worship. They said that we, as individuals, it is like we're walking backwards into the unknown, whereas the ancestors are facing forwards, looking at us and what's behind us. Because we don't know what's going to happen in the future and yet we're blindly walking into it. Right. But when you have ancestors, the ancestors can tell you what's ahead of you because they're already looking forwards. And I like this spiritual way of viewing things because, you know, if you believe in like a backing of people, you can also act more boldly and feel like your decisions aren't just like a one person thing, it's more of like a. A group thing.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. So you said that you felt Akemi's spirit is everywhere and is guiding you. How do you feel that she has led you to this moment? Your book now is coming out into the world in a few months time.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Nothing about this has been expected, and yet everything feels completely right. And I feel like that is such an Akemi way for things to happen. I couldn't have planned it any better. It just has happened this way, way. And in some ways, like, you've just got to, like, trust in yourself, but also trust in everything around you. Just working in some mysterious, magical way that only Akemi seems to have an overview of that I just don't.

[Interviewer]

Why do you think she wanted you to learn about samurai culture?

[Rimi Tanaka]

I don't have a way to really express my Japaneseness, and I was fine with that. You know, I didn't mind that, but it's a bit sad as well to be cut off from a place where you were born. And I have my Obaachan, who's 92. And I always think after Obaachan dies, like, what will be my link to Japan? Like, I'll just be severed. I'll have to go back sometimes to look after the grave, but, you know, there's going to be nothing for me. Akemi's also gone, but now that I've written this book and she's paved the way for me to write a book, and hopefully people will like it and then they'll ask me questions about samurai in Japan, it's opened doors for me to actually continue my relationship with Japan in a way that's after her life. And, you know, to have a purpose like that is just so amazing, I guess, that her presence was enough to really shine and teach me something about a way to live.

[Interviewer]

I think maybe she knew that you might not do that unless it coincided with your interest, which was writing.

[Rimi Tanaka]

Yeah, she probably did know that. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad it wasn't like a music album or something.

[John Mackie Evans (casual)]

Could do nothing starting from scratch. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

What would you say to Akemi now, standing here learning all that you have in the writing of this book?

[Rimi Tanaka]

I don't know how you did it, like, lived so fearlessly.

[John Mackie Evans (casual)]

I also don't know how you raised a child on your own. And I guess I'm quite grateful for that. I think single mothers just have to, like, do a lot on their own. It must be really hard. So she did a really good job.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, she did. She really did.

[John Mackie Evans (casual)]

And then, like, that wasn't even her identity. Right. She, like, went ahead and did way more than I guess people expected of her and. And she owned it and was never apologetic about the way she was, you know, that's really brave. I really respect that.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. Just amazing. Thank you, Akemi.

[John Mackie Evans (casual)]

Yeah, thanks, Akemi.

[Eloise Stevens]

Searching for My Samurai Mother was produced and presented by me, Eloise Stevens. The series editor is Rajiv Gupta.

[Grainger Advertiser]

Grainger knows. When you're a procurement manager for an office park. You're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail. Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-Grainger click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.