143 - The Past Times with Matt Braunger

Summary

The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 143 – The Past Times with Matt Braunger

Release Date: September 19, 2025

Guest: Matt Braunger

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dollop’s spinoff, The Past Times, features comedians Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and guest Matt Braunger. Together, they riff on bizarre and revealing stories from a randomly selected newspaper—in this case, the August 1st, 1897 edition of Chicago’s Sunday Chronicle. Their sharp, irreverent banter and improv skills turn old news into wild, often hilarious commentary on American history, gender roles, technology, family, and more.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Banter & Tank Top Talks

• Technical difficulties launch the episode, with Matt Braunger joking about his new, intentionally silly podcast, Tank Top Talks.
• Tank Top Talks explained: Guests wear tank tops, discuss their tanks, and share "tucked-in takes" (wild opinions). Dave refuses to be a guest, despite protestations.
  • Matt Braunger: “It's all about being silly. That's all.” (07:12)
  • Dave Anthony: “If I put on a tank top, I'm coming on your podcast swinging. We're fighting.” (06:08)
• Humor about podcasting and masculinity/absurdity:
  • Tank tops, leapfrogging, and fighting are linked in classic Dollop style.

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2. Guess the Year Game

• The show’s format involves guessing the year of the random newspaper.
  • Matt guesses 1937, Gareth 1971, Dave reveals it’s 1897.
  • Gareth Reynolds: "Matt, I'm glad you won legitimately, Matt, because Dave is a real piece of crap." (08:39)

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3. Gun Technology of 1897: The ‘Wire Gun’

• They discover an article about the U.S. government building a "10-inch wire gun":
  • Confusion and humor over what a "wire gun" is, with wild speculation: grappling hooks, Batman tech, wire deliveries.
  • Actual description: Cannon wrapped in 75 miles of wire, firing a 600-lb shell. Intended for coastal defense.
  • Matt Braunger: “I feel like wires were the lasers of the day in the 1800s.” (10:23)
  • Dave Anthony: “If you go to Home Depot and you order enough wire, they'll go, ‘Alright, go around back to the wire gun.’” (11:30)
• Extended riffing about American militarism, male overcompensation, and penile analogies.

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4. Strange Human Interest Stories

a) Nine Years of Silence After a Bad Dream

• Charles Shrank, a Wisconsin boy, went mute for 9 years after a nightmare, then suddenly recovered.
• Speculation about horror backstories, repression, and 19th-century medicine:
  • Matt Braunger: “Reads like the basis of a short horror story… You dreamt that and you're going, oh God, I wouldn’t believe it so much.” (19:38)
  • Doctors' "treatments" (slapping, cocaine, “experiments”) lampooned.
• Lack of journalistic depth: The article doesn’t reveal how he recovered or what the dream was.

b) Michigan’s Sprightly Girls and Leapfrog Parties

• Article on Greenville girls “up-to-date” for swimming, marksmanship, and, bizarrely, “leapfrog parties.”
• Comedians riff on leapfrogging as both a weird social trend and possible euphemism.
  • Dave Anthony: “I have a leapfrog podcast.” (27:24)
  • Gareth Reynolds: “You say that because you haven’t done it, but it’s pretty fucking great.” (27:18)
• Turned into a discussion of gender, historical innocence, and implied homoeroticism:
  • Matt Braunger: “I bet that's how it started… No, we were leapfrogging.” (31:03)
  • Jokes about leapfrog parties being gay cover stories in the closeted past.

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5. Family Dysfunction: Kicking Out the Parents

• Charles Spahr seeks legal permission to evict his elderly parents from his basement; his father subsequently disappears.
  • Dave and Matt riff on generational cruelty, parental basementing, and economic hardship.
  • Mother claims she loaned Charles money; he says she’s rich but favors other kids.
  • Gareth Reynolds: “You live rent free inside your mom for nine months, you little—” (41:41)
  • Matt Braunger: “His basement is his leapfrog workout studio. You’re not reading between the lines here.” (40:56)

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6. Peculiar Crime: Forcible Nail Trimming

• A man is charged after forcibly cutting a boy’s fingernails as punishment after being scratched.
  • The hosts are half-disgusted, half-amused: “How do you forcibly cut nails?” (52:41)
  • Gareth connects it absurdly to domestic pet care.

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7. Medical Mishaps: X-Ray Dangers

• Ms. Josie McDonald blisters, blacks, and loses hair after 25 minutes of X-ray exposure to her cheek—an early example of medical overzealousness.
  • Matt Braunger: “This is the attack of the X ray. She comes back and she's disfigured. But she has phenomenal powers.” (58:20)
  • Jokes about 19th-century doctors blaming the victim, lack of medical responsibility.

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8. Spirit Photography & Dead Siblings

• Article claims a deceased girl appeared beside her sister in a photograph.
  • No image provided—cue jokes about cameras that only see dead children.
  • Matt Braunger: “This model is just dead children. Sorry.” (66:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On masculine podcasting idiocy:
  • Matt: “You show up like that psycho doing flips in Roadhouse with the pool cue to my Dalton.” (06:57)
• Wire gun confusion:
  • Gareth: “What if it just shoots out like a big wad of wire that just hits you in the face and hopefully scratches you?” (10:44)
• On 19th-century medicine:
  • Matt: “The best solve to a non-talker is a bump [of cocaine].” (23:38)
• On leapfrogging as a coded activity:
  • Matt: “How many guys were like, ‘No, what? No, we were leapfrogging.’” (31:14)
• On leapfrogging technique:
  • Matt: “You got to, like, put your chin to your chest. Otherwise, you’re going to get a sack to the back of your head.” (29:17)
• On family dynamics:
  • Dave: “All parents should be basemented.” (37:41)
  • Gareth: “You live rent-free inside your mom for nine months, you little—” (41:41)
• On 19th-century journalism:
  • Matt: “What is this journalism? If any of us went back in time, we would lose minds. They didn't share the dream or the cure in this article.” (24:07)
• On early x-rays:
  • Matt: “You cooked her face! You put her in a little Chernobyl.” (57:45)

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Important Segments with Timestamps

• Tank Top Talks & Dave’s Reluctance
  05:00 – 07:33

• Guess the Year Game
  08:07 – 09:11

• Wire Gun Article & Reactions
  09:13 – 13:10

• Boy Mute for Nine Years After Dream
  18:31 – 24:24

• Michigan Girls Leapfrog Parties
  25:02 – 31:38

• Son Tries to Evict Elderly Parents
  37:08 – 48:48

• Forcible Nail Trimming as Assault
  52:27 – 54:56

• Victim of the X-Ray
  55:01 – 61:15

• Spirit Photograph/Dead Sibling Article
  65:11 – 67:37

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Final Thoughts & Episode Tone

The episode is a classic Past Times romp, blending genuine historical oddities with absurd, modern commentary and relentless riffing. It’s irreverent throughout, lampooning not only turn-of-the-century events and journalism but also masculinity, family, and the inanity of both old and modern societal rituals. Matt Braunger fits in seamlessly, maintaining the fever-pitch of improvisational banter with the hosts.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you’ve never heard The Dollop or its Past Times offshoot, this episode offers the perfect blend of American weirdness, lightning-fast comedic interplay, and historical curiosity. Whether debating "leapfrog parties" as covert queerness, marveling at the dangers of x-rays, or skewering the villainy of evicting one’s own elderly parents, the hosts and guest wring every drop of comedy and insight from the 1897 news—making history as hilarious and strange as it really was.

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Note:

• Advertisement segments (Mood gummies) and show plugs are omitted for brevity, focusing only on the main content.
• All speaker attributions and timestamps correspond to the transcript above.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

All right, everybody, welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and. And I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week, the great Matt Braunger. Hello, Matt.

[C]

Hi, guys. Thanks for the great part. Appreciate it. Thanks for having me on. Well, all our sarcastic snipey bullshit before we started aside, I really, I love all the stuff you guys do. It always makes me laugh and keeps me company when I'm on the road and lonely.

[B]

Oh, Matt. Well, listen, we all know what that's like, but you were on a live dollop. You were on a very interesting episode.

[A]

Because the lawsuit threat.

[B]

We were threatened with a lawsuit. How much do you remember, like all the crazy before the show where we were like, what? We had to take out an insurance policy on our content, which was news.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't really understand exactly what was going on. I remember you guys were basically being, I think, as respectful as one could be to the situation, but at the same time being like, what is this?

[B]

Yeah, we had to take out like a million dollar insurance. It was the craziest thankful. We really thought like that was going to be a new thing, but thankfully it was just kind of a one off where it was like this theater was just fucking crazy for whatever reason. Yeah. But we were like, what? So we never released your live dollar that we did the Mile High Comedy Festival wherever the.

[C]

Yeah, that's so strange. I don't know why they think you or I or David would be that controversial.

[B]

It's dead, man. They probably did. I mean, we don't need to around. We know who. We know who the fire starter is.

[C]

Okay, well, let's just clear the air. What? Because he was on Epstein's jet. He was taking a ride.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

That's.

[B]

No, he was piloting.

[A]

He was a pilot.

[B]

It was a pilot.

[A]

I just did that. And I cleaned out the bathrooms. That's all I do.

[B]

That's all I did.

[A]

I did. I don't.

[B]

Anyway, well, we're very glad to have you back. You have a new podcast called Tank Top Talk where you show off the goods. I mean, I think that's a fair way to put it.

[C]

It's Tank Top Talks. Not that it matters because it's the dumbest idea, but I just had this. It's one of those best stupid ideas I ever had because it's. I was like, I. I'll call it Tank Top Talks. I'll. I'll wear a tank top and soul my guest and we'll talk about the tanks and then we'll talk about whatever else. And it's because we've done about seven of them and it's been. It's like everyone feels so fucking silly, and so do I because I typically wear pants with the tank top tucked in.

[B]

I like.

[C]

And it just. The whole, like, any kind of front you've thrown up goes away.

[B]

Now. We were talking.

[C]

You were having seriously or take yourself seriously.

[B]

You're having some technical issues. And so we were talking during the tech talk. Dave said he would never do the show.

[C]

I'm gonna have Dave on.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I wear a tank top.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes, you will look first and came with what she called a. Like, she. It's a muscle shirt. She cut the sleeves off. It's not technically a tank, but I allowed it. Like, is a hot dog a sandwich?

[A]

So, David, I'm not sexy, but look.

[C]

I know you can wear a hot dog.

[B]

Watch your mouth, Dave. You watch your goddamn mouth.

[A]

If I. If I. If I put on a. A tank top, I'm coming in to your podcast. Swinging. We're fighting.

[C]

We can. We can fight. That would be new.

[A]

Fist.

[C]

That'd be new. That's. That's. I mean, it's. I think people would enjoy that. I'm just trying to hit it on all levels.

[B]

So.

[C]

Yeah, square up.

[B]

That's great.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

I mean, the. Some of the biggest clips from Jim Rome's show is when people tried to kick his ass. I think you want that. You want that heat. We have.

[C]

The only segment we do is tuck in your tank where we talk about you. You do a tucked in take where you just say something. A crazy take. And Dave, I think you would be perfect that you should just show up and like that psycho doing flips in roadhouse with the pool cue to. To my Dalton.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

In roadhouse. You know what I mean? Like the Moriarty Sherlock Holmes tank top style.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, that's fine. I think that'd be great.

[B]

Are you in?

[A]

No, I'm still not doing it because I'm hurt.

[B]

Somebody.

[C]

Well, it's funny. Everybody's like. Everybody's like. Before they ask them, they're like, oh, I don't wear a tank top. And then once they do, they. It's the funnest, stupidest thing. So I just had Edie Patterson on, and she forgot her tank and stopped it at, like, a gas station and bought a T shirt and cut the sleeves off. So it's just like. It's all about being silly. That's all.

[B]

Ed Patterson. Dave. Righteous gemstones. Any thoughts? Yeah, you're better than her. No, you're not. All right, Matt. Well, we're gonna start. This is. We're gonna Guess what year this newspaper could be from. You're gonna guess first. There's no context. It's just a shot in the dark. Dave wants you to win. Dave will cheat me for you to win, but I. I have a good shot because I'm pretty good at reading him. Even right now he's got a cheeky boy face on. But, Matt, what year do you think this old newspaper could be from?

[A]

What, am I pucking the dog, read.

[C]

The headline or what?

[B]

No, that's it. No shot in the dark.

[C]

You just guess the year? Yeah, just randomly.

[A]

It's like. It's like guessing. Like guessing beans in a can.

[B]

Stop it.

[C]

I love it. I'm gonna do. I don't know why, but 1937 popped into my head.

[B]

That's pretty good. 1937. I'm gonna guess 1971.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy. 1897, Matt wins. Gareth, what were you doing?

[B]

What was this? You were doing the up.

[A]

Pointing at the dog.

[B]

Ah. All right, well, good, Matt. I'm glad you won legitimately, Matt, because Dave is a real piece of crap.

[C]

That's pure strategy on my part for sure.

[B]

Yeah. All right, all right. 1897.

[A]

August 1st. 1897.

[B]

August 1st.

[A]

Is it is done?

[B]

Yeah. Let's do another take where we pretend we did it like that. 3, 2, 1. Matt, we know we catered it towards your birthday. Happy birthday, baby.

[C]

Thanks, guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the Sunday Chronic Chronicle from Chicago, which also is a place that you enjoy. Wonderful new gun. No, it's a good headline. It's a wonderful new gun. United States is building a cannon that will astonish the world.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

[B]

The United States is a cannon that.

[C]

Will astonish the world in so many embarrassing ways.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly. Sad.

[A]

Oh, yeah. The national government is building. National government is building a new 10 inch wire gun.

[B]

A 10 inch wire gun. These.

[A]

I mean, none of us are going to know what that is. I don't. I don't know what a wire gun is this country. I don't care.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

It's like there's all these times where you just look back and you're like. Yeah. That there's so many, like, sirens have been going off in America for two centuries.

[C]

Gun description has always veered toward what sounds cool, rather. What Rather than what is effective.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And I feel like wires were the lasers of its day in the 1800s. What are you telling me that's a wire gun?

[B]

You won't be able to take this art out of this museum. We've got wires all over.

[C]

I have wires in my home.

[B]

Well, don't worry, we're pretty safe. We have adt. They put in wires.

[A]

What if it just shoots out like a big wad of wire.

[C]

That just hits you in the face and hopefully scratches you?

[B]

Yeah. You're like, yeah. What? The guy's like, aha. Not going anywhere now, are you? You're all wired about. You're like a curious kitten. I can't find any image of a 10 inch wire gun on what it.

[A]

Is, or I assume 10 inches. The barrel circumference fires a lot of wires, but just a huge.

[C]

It's just yarn ball of wires.

[A]

Because if it's just. If it's just 10 inches, it's not very big.

[B]

It has to be the barrel. If they should have 10 inches of wire. It's like this is used for when people order wire and I just deliver it.

[A]

Yeah, if you go to Home Depot and you order enough wire, they'll go, all right, go around back to the wire gun.

[B]

Yeah. Tom will shoot it into your car.

[C]

Is that what Batman uses to like to get out of places? Like he shoots his wire gun in the ceiling and it pulls him up.

[B]

Yeah, the. But he needs more than if he had a 10 inch range. Batman, you're still in the same room.

[A]

I mean, I assume. I assume it uses it somehow uses a wire to.

[B]

Well, they call it a cannon projectile.

[C]

This doesn't sound wonderful.

[A]

It doesn't.

[B]

1897 awesome though. They're like, buckle up everyone. Yeah. The Russians are like, you hear the Americans have wire cannon?

[A]

We screw. Okay, here you go. It will weigh 30 tons.

[C]

Wow off what?

[A]

Several elements. And hurl a 600 pound shell with a muzzle velocity of 2,988ft per second.

[B]

Now we're talking.

[A]

Ah. It will be wrapped with 75 miles of wire weighing 30,000 pounds.

[B]

What the is happening? What is going on?

[C]

What is this just for home defense?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is this for defense defending a small farm or a single family?

[A]

What is this?

[B]

This is like you put this on the coast.

[C]

Did you say seven miles?

[B]

70 some miles?

[A]

Yeah, it's on the coast. But what are you gonna hit? You're not gonna hit a ship. You're not hitting a ship from that far away. You're not.

[C]

This is like. This is like you're one and done. So if one sloppy sailor on the ship just fires it wrong, they're like, God damn it, Davis.

[B]

Sorry, I thought I had him. Well, let's reload it. We don't have the miles of Wires, you idiot.

[A]

We only had the one.

[C]

Oh, did. It was a team of 30. It took them a year to wind the wire.

[B]

Eight years of planning for this shot. I feel bad enough already. Stop.

[C]

Jesus Christ. So it's like a. It's like something you put on a battleship kind of. Or.

[A]

No, it's for the coast. It's for coastal defense.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you shoot at ships or a guy.

[C]

So 10 inches.

[B]

10 inches.

[C]

So Gareth was right. It is the barrel.

[B]

The 10 inch.

[A]

Yeah, it's got to be.

[B]

Got to be. Okay.

[A]

Just like me, right?

[B]

Hey, Dave. Hey, Dave. Remember this stuff we talked about being really problematic? It's one of those things.

[A]

I have a 10 inch wide.

[B]

Don't get us.

[C]

Don't get us sued again.

[B]

Like. Like we want to release this episode with Matt. So please.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Is it not sexy to say I have a 10 inch wide penis back?

[C]

That was. That. That's now. But back then was like, oh, I got a new tattoo. You can only see it when it's hard. It was like, dude, I didn't know no one if you're joking or not.

[B]

But Dave, are you insinuating you have a 10 inch wide urethra?

[A]

That's right. That's right.

[B]

You feel good about what you're doing?

[A]

Yeah, it's. I've been working on a while back.

[C]

To not any pain with that size of urethras, Dave.

[A]

I lose it every day.

[B]

David.

[A]

Working in there started with the finger.

[B]

Dave. Anthony, eventually.

[A]

I'm calling your wife.

[C]

I'm calling you guys from the Robert Mapplethorpe photo that I saw in. In high school that ruined me and my friends.

[A]

A big can of chili.

[C]

Front of the digit into his.

[A]

Yeah, that's my inspiration.

[B]

By the way. That's Joe Rogan's advice on how to get rid of tetanus.

[C]

Jam.

[B]

Your finger.

[C]

Look, it's not his fault that so many guys didn't clean their fingernails before they tried it though.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Like so many. They didn't know straight from the G. They went straight from the gym. Matt.

[B]

They didn't know.

[C]

Dig it in there.

[A]

You shouldn't figure out your own. He's a great example why you shouldn't figure out your own dose of testosterone. Go to a doctor.

[B]

Counterpoint. He's a doctor. Go ahead.

[C]

Look. Okay. I went to one of those pop up medical facilities slash trucks called Testosterone. Are those accredited? I never.

[A]

Those are very good.

[C]

I just like. I thought the side, the. The graphic on the side, it's a pop Up.

[A]

It's a popup testosterone clinic.

[B]

I only go to ban physicians. I won't around with brick and mortar.

[A]

No, not after Covid and what they said. Everything was a lie.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yeah, no, yeah, I'll talk. And then.

[A]

Yeah. The only people who were telling the truth during COVID were comedians on podcasts, which is, you know, weird, but that's how it worked.

[B]

100%. Yeah.

[C]

Can you imagine, like those first couple years where you're on the road opening for people and you're in the green room and the guy's like, listen, I mean, I. I see, I see you just went to the doctor. Give me those forms. Just tear some in half. Guys, guys, half drunk before the first show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Those first couple years after cut, like after the 2020 where you were like in green rooms and you're kind of like you were hearing some people had been really aside, like they've been siloed off on their own for a minute. You were hearing some stuff where you're like, oh, yeah, absolutely. My.

[C]

My favorite was in. In the thick of 2020, where, like, my. My wife was soon to be giving birth in like mid-2020, like the summer, and so I wasn't going anywhere. But the amount of discourse online of, hey, you can still go up in this place. Oh, yeah, hey, you know.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you know.

[C]

Benny's Belly Buster Cafe is still open.

[B]

Yeah, they were the places. They were, you could say the curve. Oh, yeah, you'd go to Florida. My.

[C]

My agent laughingly saying, I can book you, you know, like, knowing I'd be like, yeah, just be like, I mean.

[A]

You can roll the dice if you.

[C]

Really need to talk. Do your dick jokes that bad right now?

[A]

If you're dying, nothing.

[C]

You might actually die.

[A]

I can't stand on if I can't be on stage. I'm not a human. Oh, that's when you know what's when you know the guys, the guys who really need therapy on a different level.

[B]

Well, I call my mouth my 10 inch wire cannon. Thoughts, Dave?

[A]

I don't think it's funny. And now you're mocking me. And I've been on my project, which I've been working at for a long time.

[B]

Why don't you just get back to the paper?

[A]

Maybe dumb man speaks.

[B]

Hey, the David. No, you, you.

[A]

Oh, look at this. Charles Schrank of Wisconsin.

[B]

He's a shrink.

[A]

The dumb person state.

[B]

I didn't know he was a shrink.

[A]

Recovers speech.

[B]

That's what I call my therapist, by the way.

[A]

A Shrank.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Past tense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Recovers speech after nine years.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

For nine years Charles Schrank has been dumb. Oh, they're saying, like you can't speak. Yeah, we don't use that term anymore because it's high.

[C]

That's pretty harsh.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Stupid for nine years.

[B]

Yeah. Like if you were to say Joe Rogan's dumb, it would be. It wouldn't make sense today.

[A]

That's right. Not since he had a terrible dream one night has he spoken a word. Yesterday he returned to his parents in Peshtigo, Wisconsin, able to talk as. As before he was stricken. Okay, so he just.

[B]

Let's, let's break down.

[A]

He had a bad dream.

[C]

I love an old article like this that reads like. Just reads like a. The basis of a short horror story. Like you put that in print. He had a bad dream and he hasn't spoken in. My God.

[A]

Yeah, My God. Charles, tell us what the dream was.

[B]

Well, you wouldn't even be able to get that far.

[C]

It's not important. They had the whole thing. They hold the whole thing of the dream and the editors like cut it. It doesn't matter.

[B]

We've all been or he didn't reveal it until the nine years later. Like he's just hanging out. He's like, it was a dream. Jesus Christ, Charles. What? I had a nightmare nine years ago. I dreamt I couldn't use my arms.

[C]

He watched. I'm sure he watched his uncle strangle someone to death next to a riverbed. And his uncle told him it was a dream.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And actually never spoke like it. That was the era of that older relatives being like, you dreamt that and you're going, oh God, I wouldn't believe it so much.

[B]

And that seemed to have a dream.

[A]

And then he realized after nine years he was like, oh my God, it was my cousin Tommy. Then he drowned.

[B]

Well, well, well, look who's talking again.

[C]

Talking about his dreams.

[B]

Nine years and then choosing to speak.

[A]

While. While he could hear and know all that was said to him, his vocal cords, chords refused to work. After being under the treatment of Dr. Sanger Brown of this city for a few weeks, he has entirely recovered. Oh, shrank was but 11 years of age when he had a dream. What the vision was, he cannot remember, but it frightened him so that he was unable to speak the next day.

[B]

What?

[A]

I get it. I don't remember my dreams.

[B]

Yeah, but you don't shut up. I mean, but then to man 90 to go on a nine year talk strike.

[C]

Be demanding getting up and you got your wife and kids or whatever just expect you to go about your day. You will not talk. And all you write on a piece of paper is bad dream, bad dream. You just don't speak for days and days become weeks and weeks become months. And your wife divorces you and your kids start to hate you as they're leaving the house.

[A]

As they're leaving the house. You slam the paper on the wall and just point. Bad dream, you know?

[B]

And then finally nine years later. Well, Charles, now that you're talking, what was it? I don't remember. All right, so what's for dinner?

[C]

I kind of wish this guy was just not. He was, he was. He would make noises, but he would. He did a terrible like bad deaf person person impression when he spoke. And you're just like yeah Charles, like stop. That's not natural. You just. It's really offensive, dude.

[B]

Charles. No. This will age poorly.

[C]

Charles. This is worse than the wire cannon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

His parents sent him to the all to all the physicians in the vicinity of his home. But all the cures failed. When the young man first came to Dr. Brown, he was informed that nothing could be done for him. But the physician studied the case for a few days and at last made an experiment which resulted in the cure of the young man.

[B]

What experiment? Do we know the experiment?

[A]

In discussing his curious today, young Shrank expressed himself as feeling like a new man. He said it seemed odd to hear his own voice again after so many years of silence.

[B]

Now I'm all of a sudden I'm British.

[A]

How many, how many times do you think this kid was slapped by different doctors?

[B]

Oh, the doctors he was going to full of cocaine. Oh, well, yeah, just loaded. Yeah. Honestly, the best solve by the way to a non talker is a bump.

[C]

Oh, yes, there you go. Do you have any ideas for your own business or for like a movie? Do you have any movie ideas?

[B]

Okay, yeah, look, I have one. I've been thinking of one, right? It's about this.

[C]

No, no, no, you gotta sit down.

[B]

You gotta sit down.

[C]

You gotta sit down. You gotta sit down.

[B]

Like oh my God.

[C]

What, what is this? What is this journalism? If any of us went back in time, we would lose minds. They didn't share the dream or the cure in this article.

[B]

No, it's a terrible.

[C]

What in the living.

[A]

Nothing happened. How do you not sure the cure? Maybe the guy wouldn't give up. Maybe he wouldn't give it up because he's like ah, trade secrets. I can't tell you guys what I Did. Yes.

[C]

The very last line of the article being fellated by a man. We find it. It's like just. Just buried piece of gay history.

[A]

What was his first word? His first words were.

[B]

I'm finishing. Here we go. Here we go.

[C]

Before an organ was a gasped. Delightful. Delightful.

[B]

Oh, wondering.

[A]

Michigan girls are sprightly.

[B]

This is. This is terrible. This sounds like something you'd find in the Epstein birthday card.

[C]

I don't think that's wrong. I don't know.

[B]

I don't think it's wrong, but I'm worried about where it's headed.

[C]

Yes, absolutely.

[B]

Any female observational articles in 1897 are just like. You're about to read buttocks.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Sprightly. Could be.

[B]

Yeah. It's a slippery slope. Right.

[C]

Could be loaded. Yeah, you're right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The young ladies of Greenville are strictly up to date. They can swim.

[B]

That's problematic. That's a problematic sentence right there. That's tough. They're not. They're not vaccines.

[A]

They can swim, dive and are good. Marksman. Marks woman. Marks women.

[B]

I can't believe they use the appropriate like term.

[A]

They have recently acquired another fad in the shape of leapfrog parties. Here we go.

[C]

Oh, boy. Careful, that's hurts. That's where it starts, quite frankly.

[B]

Careful.

[A]

Frog parties.

[B]

Article on your leapfrog party.

[C]

Thing about leapfrog party, you know, it doesn't mean anything, but it means everything. You know what I mean? Yeah, guys.

[A]

Oh, yeah, right.

[C]

Ladies.

[B]

Leapfrog party. I'm gonna send out an evite for my next birthday as a leapfrog party. Only women. As the police are taking me out of my house. What? Baby?

[C]

It's a leapfrog party, baby.

[B]

Come on. Come on.

[A]

And those who are posted say they do the act with as much agility and ease as their brothers. Oh. Because dudes were really into leapfrogging at this point. But dudes were. Leapfrog parties were a big thing with guys.

[B]

You know, there's a lot of times where I lament the phone and the, you know, injection of Internet and everything, but then you hear this and you're like. I mean, this one, right? Either. We were off on this too.

[C]

Yeah. Like, I don't want to jump over you guys.

[B]

No. Like for an afternoon.

[A]

You say that because you haven't done it, but it's pretty fucking great.

[B]

And you're the guy pushing back on doing tank top talks.

[A]

I have a leapfrog podcast.

[B]

What? Welcome back to Leap Pod.

[C]

The audio is terrible.

[B]

You can't See, stand up.

[A]

Did you think that, you know, and we don't until I got the, you know, the little face lav mics. It was really bad. Yeah, because you were just, we were using a boom mic. It was operator.

[C]

It just kept running into it with your face.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I, I, it's it. You, you make a good point, Gareth. I, I at first was like, wow, what an era where leapfrogging. You'd be like, dude, did you hear this? Leapfrog party on Friday. I am just living for that. I can't believe it's only Tuesday, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I got all these classes.

[B]

Well, I also think like, you know, we are so, you know, we really are. We're just like in our own little worlds. It's the individualism is a nightmare and all that. But again, I, I would rather, I would rather watch like YouTube videos than be like excited to go leapfrog over some fellas on a Friday.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Personal choice. Now if I got invited to the woman leapfrog party. Yeah, I'm listening. That's right. That's right, Dave. Yeah. With your judging eyes. Yeah.

[A]

I don't care. I don't, I'm. To me, leapfrogging is not either about me either.

[B]

I don't care. Any gender. Any gender.

[A]

It's not about genders. It's never been about genders to me.

[B]

I'll do any gender.

[A]

I can't, I can leap over. They's thems.

[B]

You, Dave. Ally.

[C]

The hopping and the being like pushed down, hopped over again and again.

[B]

Well, it just doesn't, it's the chode stroke. I'm not looking to get a chode stroke.

[C]

Well, you got a duck. You gotta, you gotta like put, put your chin to your chest. Otherwise you're going to get a sack to the back of your head.

[B]

You're going to, you know, I like the back sack.

[A]

You're good. Back sack's not bad.

[C]

You're going to get sack backed.

[B]

Hey, did you guys feel when Dave leapfrogged how big his meat is hole was.

[A]

That it can suction on the.

[C]

Back of my head. He just gone swimming, Jordan. And the tip of his grab my whole cranium. Just grab my cranium.

[B]

Looks like a snake. Dave.

[A]

I've torn the back to the side hair off the back of their hair. I've ripped it off and there's just a big difference.

[B]

Oh, careful, Dave. Will fryer tuck you during a leapfrog.

[C]

If you're not careful Frogging with Dave, man. Dave's frogging I'm not frogging.

[B]

No way.

[C]

I'm just gonna sit, I'm gonna go just go over and sit on the brandy barrel and have a couple, have a couple pops.

[B]

I'm gonna do it because it's 10 in the morning. Dave's. Dave's pain is sucked off the back of my hair. Yeah.

[C]

We go morning brandy, go frogging. Then we have our wine, lunch, frogging again. And then a whiskey dinner.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

And then frogging, then frogging, frogging at night, night frogging.

[A]

That's when we're just like, you guys want to do nude night frog drunk night frogging.

[B]

The police show up.

[C]

How, how many, how many? Like when they, when they catch a couple guys, you know, frogging had no, like full, like a couple, couple of boys going at it, you know, because as we all can imagine, the hottest.

[B]

Doing it gay sex had to be.

[C]

Back in this era or was totally forbidden. It would ruin your life.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Get away with it. My God. Amazing. How many guys were like, no. What? No, we were leapfrogging.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh my God. 100%. I bet that's how that's how it started.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I bet that's how it started.

[C]

Why does this feel so natural?

[A]

Jumping over Bert.

[C]

He's jumping over, over, over.

[A]

Hopping over Bert.

[C]

I'm just really bad at leapfrogging.

[B]

Whoops.

[C]

Missing.

[B]

Whoops again.

[A]

Whoopsie. I did not leap all article.

[C]

The guy who's the worst at leapfrogging.

[B]

He'S got a big smile for someone who falls so short on their leapfrogs.

[C]

These two guys. Yeah, they practice by themselves over and over and over, but they're still terrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The dollop is brought to you by Mood, not just like moods. Yeah, they don't. Moods don't have sponsors. Now we're talking about mood.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges. You know, you got sleepless nights, can't sleep a little bit. You got stress filled days. You're a little bit freaking out on, on edge. How about a little mood, Gareth?

[B]

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No. No one walks up and screams. There's stuff in here.

[B]

Just there. It's like Santa.

[A]

That's right. And you can get 20% off your first [e-mail] with promo code dollop. Yeah, they got gummies. They got everything in. It's the, it's the, the stuff. It's the gummy.

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Sleepy time gummies are so helpful. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, many people struggle with sleep. Get a sleepy time gummy.

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And they have gummies for literally everything. I mean, support menopause, relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

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[B]

Correct.

[A]

Online cannabis company revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges. You know, you got sleepless nights, can't sleep a little bit. You got stress filled days, you're a little bit freaking out on, on edge. How about a little Mood, Gareth?

[B]

Take it. Enjoy it.

[A]

Mood. Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% federally legal THC blends that deliver them discreetly right to your doorstep. That's rightly.

[B]

Oh yeah. You don't even know this person's been there.

[A]

No, no one walks up and screams, there's stuff in here.

[B]

Just there. It's like Santa.

[A]

That's right. And you can get 20% off your first [e-mail] with promo code Dollop. Yeah, they got gummies. They got everything. It's the, it's the stuff. It's the gummies.

[B]

The way to go. Big fan, big fan.

[A]

Totally. You got sleepy time gummies that'll put.

[B]

You Sleepy time gummies are so helpful. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, many people struggle with sleep. Get a sleepy time gummy.

[A]

What makes these different is how they've paired THC and other canna binoids, which is a word that you're comfortable saying with herbs and adaptogens.

[B]

You.

[A]

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or really anywhere for that matter.

[B]

Special stuff.

[A]

And they have gummies for literally everything. Immune support, menopause relief, PMS symptoms, mental clarity, sexual arousal.

[B]

Oh boy.

[A]

But you can get that from just listening to my voice. And each one using federally legal cannabis grown on small family owned American farms. No pesticides, no BS. And they can ship to most states in the U.S. best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry leading 100 days satisfaction guarantee, but listeners get 20% off their first order with code donation dollop. Head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and find the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with. And remember to use promo code dollop at checkout to save 20 on your first order. Son has no mercy. Charles Spar seeks to evict his mother and father.

[B]

Oh boy.

[A]

I get it. I get it. Charles Spahr asked Justin Justice Hennessy yesterday for legal authority to eject his aged father and mother from the basement of the house leased by him at 35309.

[B]

Laughlin street always with the addresses. That's horrendous. That's. That's. No. Putting them. Stashing your parents in the basement like a wine cellar is weird to begin with, but then being like, get out of here.

[A]

All parents should be basemented.

[B]

Dave has some issues with his father, so he.

[A]

They should all be basemented for sure.

[B]

Starting at 16, by the way. Not a term most of us have a shorthand on.

[A]

Demented by grief over the unnatural conduct of his son, the old man has wandered from his home and neither neighbors nor police have been able to locate him. Oh no. Oh no.

[B]

We're not laughing now, are we? Now that he's Roman. Hold on. Wait. Matt. Just so you know, this is Dave's dad. This is the last known photo of Dave's father.

[C]

Oh, before he was basemented.

[B]

Before, yes, he was basemented.

[A]

Yeah, well, he kept saying, I'm king of the basement. So I put him down there unmoved by the.

[C]

Your move of creating an entertainment center down there.

[B]

That.

[C]

Cask of amontillado, but with. With surround sound. Hey, there's no doorknob on this door, Dave.

[B]

Putting doorknobs on the wall. This door won't open.

[A]

Unmoved by the pitiful plight of his parents, Spahr will not relent and says that the disappearance of his father was premeditated to evoke favor from the court.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

What.

[B]

What a piece of. You know, this guy. You know, I'm picturing when I'm. I'm picturing this guy is. What was the name of Martin Scarelli. I'm picturing him. The guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's one of his most punchable face. My dad, well, he got lost so that you would feel bad for him.

[C]

Man.

[A]

When. When Justice Hennessy ordered the hearing of the case, Young Sparring asked that immediate permission be given to evict his parents, who occupied the first floor of his cottage. Ms. Spahr, his mother, a venerable woman, bent with age and supported by the kind arms of neighbors, was present to tell her story of filial ingratitude. The sudden disappearance of her husband weighed heavily upon her, and her tears excited sympathy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

You know what, though?

[B]

I. It.

[C]

They're painting him as such a terrible son. Obviously what he's doing is terrible, but I'm just like, were these parents. Were these parents absolutely brutal to this boy?

[A]

No, it does matter. Come on.

[B]

Your dad again?

[A]

Of course it matters.

[C]

Hey, listen, just because him and his partner were not good at leapfrogging, they denied him and his lifestyle and. And his whole life, and then he.

[B]

He.

[C]

He got his revenge. You got to love your son no matter how he is.

[B]

Kick out your elderly parents for just. You handle. You manage it well.

[A]

You put them in a basement. That's managing.

[B]

Yeah, okay, sure, fine. Put him in a base.

[C]

Let him live. So he wants. He wants him out of the basement now?

[B]

Yeah, no, that's the problem.

[A]

I'm not saying.

[B]

I get it, all right? Throw him in the basement like they're critters.

[C]

But his basement is his leapfrog workout studio, like you guys are. I. You're not reading between the lines here.

[A]

He needs space.

[B]

I can't bring a chick back with my parents downstairs.

[C]

Being old, I can't leapfrog in front of my parents who are.

[B]

Then you have a woman. Is that a woman? Jesus Christ, Mom. Shut up.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Here we go. Okay. Young Spar's story. Charles Spahr told Justice Hennessy that during 26 months, no rent had been paid by his parents, though he repeatedly demanded $5 a month.

[B]

You live rent free inside your mom for nine months. You little.

[C]

No, my mom charged me five bucks.

[B]

That'd be the best. At the end, I was born. All right, so just gonna need to collect on that. Matt.

[C]

I had to do print ads for really stupid products as a baby. That's the only work you can get.

[B]

Baby gel from LA Looks.

[A]

He said he was not able to keep up the lease and desired to have his father and mother evicted so he could move into their rooms and rent the upstairs apartments out.

[B]

Can you imagine, like, showing that when you were showing that apartment, like, people being like. How it would come up where you'd be like, yeah, this is. Actually. I used to live in here, but then I. I threw my parents out. My dad's missing. But now I'mma move down there. And then you guys are rent.

[C]

Well, I've got. First off, I. I don't want to work a. And it's hard after my. The headaches that I incur from my nights before the days in saloons, so. And my tabs in all the saloons is very high.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I add all that up. I. I have to kick them out and then rent their space out to cover my saloon bill.

[B]

I don't know if we have liquor listeners, but Justice Hennessy should be an ad campaign.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

You and like everything he always like. Like every like verdict is like, you probably want to have a little nip of Hennessy. Yeah. Justice Hennessy. Figure it out.

[C]

The smooth cognac judge.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Ms. Barr made no attempt to excite. Excite pity from the court or from her son. She declared in a voice broken by sobbings and tears that instead of paying rent, she had repeatedly loaned her son money for which give her no credit. Okay, what's going on there? What's going on there?

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Are you. Are you trying to make this sound like you're right still for kicking up? Because what's happening?

[A]

Why. Why is she loaning him money instead of paying rent? She's asking for money back instead of paying rent. Pay the rent, you old.

[B]

First of all, you don't charge her rent, you piece of. You just don't do it, okay?

[A]

You old. You old. Money suck.

[B]

Second. No. Oh, my God, you are.

[A]

That's crazy. Instead of there being 115 due for the 26 months rent, 137 had been placed in the hands of her son by herself and her husband. Young Spars display of ingratitude excited the wrath of Justice Hennessy. That old woman is rich. Announced the son. And I know for a fact that.

[B]

Old woman this kid.

[A]

He's right. Technically, she is an old woman.

[B]

David. Dave. Daves his wife.

[A]

He's making this clear.

[B]

Client is merely making an observation. At the age of his mother, which she is. She's old.

[C]

His speech is though. Crude.

[A]

Crude truths.

[B]

Your honor, I. I have reached a verdict. Everyone needs to have a delicious nip of everyone's favorite cognac.

[A]

That old woman is rich. And I know for a fact that she has given plenty of her money to her. To her other children. She won't let me have any, though. She like to sponge on me. There's something going on here.

[C]

Sibling rivalry.

[B]

There it is.

[C]

Sibling rivalry.

[B]

Okay, not the favorite. Why would he be.

[A]

Yep, yep.

[C]

Y.

[A]

Enough.

[B]

Yeah, he's like Don Jr.

[A]

Enough of this. Ordered the court as the elder Spar is not here, I will continue the case till Monday. Charles Spar expressed great impatience over the delay. After Monday, I am satisfied, he said as he left, that I will not be imposed upon. And then. Henry Spar, the father, was last seen Friday night after an altercation with his son. The old man was worked up to a great pitch over the latter's conduct as his landlord and left the premises without informing his wife. Neighbors declared that he was wandering about Laughlin street far into the night, but left no trace of his whereabouts in the morning.

[B]

I mean, can you imagine going to court after that? Being like my dad.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Well, and being.

[B]

I think this was.

[C]

This is so close time wise to like the wild west that I think people still got froggy with a judge. Like, yeah, I can't imagine. I mean, just a case that I want to win. And being like, I'll wait till Monday, but what the. Dude. And like, running out of the court and then wandering around in the streets all night.

[B]

Your mom's weeping with her. A terrible posture.

[C]

They. They took a horse drawn carriage. They couldn't afford to get to court. Like, can't get home.

[B]

Your honor, I want to Airbnb it.

[A]

You're want.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wandering the streets, just nipping from a flask of something horrendous. Like, why is he wandering the streets and no one knows where he went.

[A]

Because he's an old son of a. From appearances, it would seem that the basement was never intended for occupancy, in spite of the fact that a man of 75 and his wife of 68 have made it their dwelling for over two years.

[B]

Think of being a man at age 75 and 1897. You're a hundred years old.

[C]

You don't have any teeth. You're missing all your teeth in at least one foot. Like, no, you've been living in a.

[B]

Basement and, like, dying, and your son's like, get the out of here.

[C]

Stone basement.

[B]

Yeah, in the ground. The ground is where rats are your friends.

[A]

Bring in some money. You know what I mean?

[B]

David, you're not.

[A]

You. You could be down there canning pickles and selling them. You're not doing.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. You know what? I. This is my dream. If I do one thing, it would be reanimate your father and I'd want to watch you two fight on a YouTube live. Just bring your dad back to life just so he can box you.

[C]

If just cut to an AI commercial, right, then that would just be such a. Such a home run. It's funny you bring that up, Gareth, because that can be achieved and something you could enjoy.

[B]

Bring your dad back for fights.

[C]

Ancestry.com has a tier level to pay monthly.

[A]

The final argument we had was, last fight you had, he didn't think solar power was real.

[B]

Look, I'm not. I'm not. I'm defending your right. I'm defending your dad's right to have that opinion.

[A]

Henry Spar is described by neighbors as feeble in the extreme and unable to work. Bam. I told you what that means.

[C]

Don't charge him rent.

[A]

That means. Well, then sell a body part.

[B]

This guy didn't believe in solar tech, okay? He looks like he runs solar panels.

[A]

From a scale of 1 to 10. Ex. Tell the audience how red his head is.

[B]

Well, I. I don't know. I tell the audience the. Hold on. Allow me to contextualize it a little bit. The only reason why I can't give him a 10 is because a couple spots are super red. So I'll go nine as an overall red, and three spots are off the charts. Ten red. And. But by the way, he's right under a light. He's right under a light.

[A]

Should have powered light.

[B]

A gas light.

[A]

Are they supposed to be red? Naturally. Is a head supposed to be red?

[B]

I will say there's some delicious irony in a man whose head looks like it's the son of fighting against solar. Sure.

[A]

And no question that picture was taken in the middle of winter. It's not. There's no sun that could burn him. That's just his natural color.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey.

[C]

Wow, the guy known people like that.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, by the way, if we've ever seen a guy whose name actually should be Justice Hennessy, it is this man.

[A]

That's my daddy.

[B]

Oh, here we go.

[A]

So for that. That was his induction ceremony, and he invited us up, and I went. I think. I think I made. Just started dating Heather and brought her. And my dad's like, I got a place for you. Don't worry about staying. And we go into this hotel, and it is like. I mean, it's up in, like, Big Bear or something, but it's like, how did you find a hotel this bad, let alone Big Bear, but anywhere. Like, it was the most rundown, disgusting. Like, then we had to go find another place and, like, a better place. But, like, that. That ceremony, to me is just. All I can think of is just me going into that hotel and going, wow, look at all the bugs.

[B]

Well, at least he didn't make you just wander the streets after you wanted to find a new hotel.

[C]

And Big Bear explains a lot, too, especially with the redness. I think. I think the area of Big Bear, you know, like, what? They just. They figured out that Wisconsin is the. The most per capita drinking of the entire country, basically. I think Big Bear is California's answer. I mean, I've never. Like, you go out to every other table, everyone is just smashed, you know. Yeah, it's the altitude, but still, Dave's.

[B]

Dad was a great.

[C]

They're not that ripped in Denver.

[B]

Dave's dad was a great energy. He was great to be around. He was a legend. And, yeah, he had a drinking problem, but he also had a drinking solution. And I miss him all the time. And I'll tell you what, when I gave the eulogy at his funeral, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

[C]

Or glass.

[B]

Or glass.

[A]

Deprived of means to scratch. Terry Ottman was fined for peculiar assault and battery. A boy who was annoying him and whom he caught scratched him in the face, thereby Ottoman forcibly trimmed his fingernails. This was the assault and battery.

[B]

Oh, my God. The forcible trimming of a boy's nails after he scratched you.

[C]

That's so gross.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

This is how you deal with it.

[B]

You are such. You're just on your. You're gonna be the antagonist today.

[C]

You guys just play flags. I see how this works.

[A]

The only person. The only person heard in this story. But let me just say this. How do you forcibly cut nails?

[B]

Because you can do it to my cat. I sit on him.

[C]

I.

[A]

Are you.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Are you holding the.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You trim your own cat's nails. You don't take her or the them to a specialist or anything.

[B]

Thank you. He is. Wow. No, I do him.

[C]

I do him good for You.

[A]

Does he, does he scream?

[B]

Does he scream? No. Does he get it? No. But we did have a fight last night. Last night?

[A]

Gareth. Yeah. Gareth's an abuse victim in the. It's a domestic abuse situation, dude.

[C]

That's.

[A]

Why did that happen?

[B]

He was irritated for how long you and I took recording some of our stuff. He didn't like like that scratch you.

[C]

In the face and so you trim the nails.

[B]

I recorded. I. I did a thing right before. So it's about two and two hours I'd basically been sitting here and he wanted to hang out and then he, he was irritated and I could tell that I, I was about to get attacked. I was attacked. I fought back mightily and. But he, he's, he's, he don't around. He's a good boy.

[A]

100. You just described an abusive situation from an outsider.

[B]

But you don't get. Yeah, because you don't understand anything. You don't understand this. You just want to have power over the person you're in a relationship with.

[A]

We have no you, you. It's. You have a domestic abuse situation and.

[B]

You guys need tank top talks and you're doing it.

[A]

I'm calling. I'm calling.

[B]

You're not pulling out on having Dave on your show, mate. You're having a lot boy.

[C]

Yeah, he's doing now. You're like the drunk couple in Big Bear at the table next to me and going. You heard what he said, right?

[B]

You heard it. What did you think?

[C]

What do you think? Was I right or wrong? Was I right or wrong? Was I right or wrong? Come on, are you this restaurant or not?

[B]

When we go back to the hotel, the leapfrogging.

[C]

You know it is. You know if you get in a fight with your leapfrog partner and later. The leapfrogging is great. The froggy stuff make up leapfrogging. I tell you what.

[B]

Good. Nothing like it.

[A]

Victim of the X ray.

[C]

These are all noir or sci fi movie titles from the 50s.

[B]

Completely agree. They've got the Reefer Madness logo. It's very.

[C]

Victim of the X ray.

[B]

Victim of the X ray.

[A]

Ms. Josie McDonald of 9 West 44th street had a strange address.

[C]

Is crazy.

[B]

That is important.

[A]

You imagine it went on till the 70s.

[B]

It's important to find her. Hey.

[C]

You're the victim of the X ray.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Please respect my privacy at this time.

[A]

I read about you. I, I, I read about you. I thought you looked really. You sounded pretty.

[B]

Oh no. I don't think I've been clear. I'm Looking to have sex.

[C]

I. I know it's midnight, I work late, I've been drinking.

[A]

Oh my God. My, My shorts are tight. Weird thing to say to a lady at midnight.

[C]

You have excited my arousal, madam.

[B]

I mean, they were probably just. It's probably like gun violence too, where it was like, you know, women were getting like accosted at their homes and an editor was like, I wish there was something we could do about it. But the address is so important to these.

[C]

It's more important than what was in the dream. How they solved his non speech of nine years. The address. Address, address, address. Yes, that's all we need for the story.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Her pitiable condition is evidence of their terrible power. Ms. McDonald had some teeth drawn and a violent pain in the jaw followed, which the dentist could not account for. Well, you took her teeth out.

[B]

We're all a bit baffled. We don't have any clue what this could be.

[C]

We don't know what happened.

[B]

The thing we shouldn't be doing is finger pointing.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

He took her. He took her to a laboratory where a photograph of her jaw was taken by the rays. The sitting lasting 10 minutes. This photograph was somewhat. It's long.

[B]

10 minutes of X rays.

[A]

No, this photograph was somewhat blurred.

[B]

The sound.

[A]

Oh my God. If.

[C]

No dice.

[A]

That quiet. The photograph was somewhat blurred and a second was taken. The exposure of her cheek to the rays lasting 15 minutes.

[B]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh God.

[A]

The effect was soon after evident in the unnatural redness of the cheek and bloodshot eyes.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

That's so much radiation.

[A]

And the next day the pain was so intense as to make her hysterical. The face too was almost black and her hair began to fall out. Well, he. Chef. Jesus Christ. You cooked her face? You put her in a little Chernobyl, like, what the.

[B]

Oh my God. I mean, the next day when she comes back and she just looks like a cartoon with no hair and is just charred. I think there was something wrong with the other day.

[C]

This is the attack of the X ray. She comes back and she's disfigured. But she has phenomenal powers.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

She grabs him and withers him.

[B]

You know the dentist, trying to not seem culpable when she shows up. What did you do last night?

[C]

15 seconds. It was, it was seconds, not minutes. That's. I'm so sorry.

[B]

Okay, all right, play it cool. I think either way, guys.

[C]

Handwriting is terrible.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

He cooked her.

[A]

He cooked her.

[C]

15 minutes.

[B]

But 25 total, right?

[A]

Yeah, total 25.

[B]

A cube of 25. She said they're just getting baked.

[C]

Poor woman, she just got X ray baked.

[B]

This one first one's a little blurry, so we're gonna let you sit an extra five on this round, hun.

[A]

Her family physician, Dr. Griswold, who was called, says the extent of the blistering is most remarkable. It runs down the neck, shoulder and arm. And that rays burned through the linen of her high collar. The discoloration is still very marked and the doctor cannot say whether the hair will grow again. All of it on one side of her head has completely fallen off.

[B]

I mean, this. She. Chernobyl is right. This is mini Chernobyl.

[A]

She does. Yeah. She totally got Chernobyl. But now that could be like. You might be able to pull that off as a hairstyle, like, you know, very.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Look at her.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Doctor.

[B]

Don't be afraid to put my address in the newspaper.

[A]

Oh my God. Dr. Jen, who took the photograph, says his operation was a very ordinary one and he thinks there must have been something wrong with Ms. McDonald's condition which rendered her susceptible to the harm that lurks in the X rays.

[B]

Yeah. Did she fall in a fire overnight? Maybe. What did she dream?

[A]

Experiments have shown that some people are peculiarly liable to injury from unknown power contained in the rays. You cooked her.

[B]

You cooked her. You. You cooked her. You put her. You. You put her in the microwave and hit dinner.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

I mean, what in the. There's an illustration here. I wonder if I can. The illustration is like a very normal looking young lady. She doesn't have long hair. She has shortish hair. I mean, look, it's not normal.

[B]

Oh my God. Even back. Oh, crikey. And it really just is like half of her head.

[A]

Yeah. And she's trying to like work with the hair situation, which is still long on one side and hanging down and then this side.

[C]

I so want this to be like, like a, like a, A dark comic.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Like, like a really R rated superhero movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, where she's just going around frying gross dudes and stuff.

[B]

Unfortunately, Matt, she just passed away just recently. Wow. A couple weeks ago.

[C]

Made it a long.

[B]

Made a long time.

[C]

Yeah, she was.

[B]

No, she. She hung in there considering she'd been killed by an X ray. Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Well, good.

[A]

Good for her. I like how the doctor was like.

[B]

It'S starting to make more and more sense. Why whenever they do that, they go in the other room because it's always like, I'm like, I thought we were in this together, but that dental assistant jumped ship real fast.

[A]

Oh, no, they. Yeah, no, it's. They toss a little bit of lead.

[B]

On you and then they bounce.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

My God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is really safe, by the way. I'm gonna go into a lead closet while we do it for completely unrelated.

[C]

Reasons, I'm leaving the building.

[B]

Okay? So you stay here. I'm gonna put this cannon right on your head, and then I'm just gonna go back to another room that's been fortified. Okay?

[C]

I just. I just see the guy smoking his third cigarette and going, oh, holy. Running back in a. Like you do like a boiling pot or something. You're like, like, oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God, people coming in. Well, we just got to finish the one la. The one lady.

[A]

The one lady.

[C]

Oh, my.

[B]

She's smoking.

[C]

Just hear.

[A]

You see the game last night? Man, that game last night was just crazy.

[B]

Oh, my God, the woman.

[A]

I mean, who sees that? Oh, the lady.

[B]

Hey, man, I think we. I think we have it.

[C]

Look, I like boxing, but these short ones that are just like 20 to 25 rounds. I don't know, I like a hundred round battle.

[B]

Oh, I mean, we went out, we didn't do that much. We just drank a barrel of ale and then fought each other naked in the streets and ate some horse poop.

[C]

Yeah, and then. Then I had my horse run over a hobo. It was a really Lightyear.

[B]

The woman.

[A]

What woman? Oh, my God. That's what that noise was.

[B]

How do I think. Did you find the problem with one of the teeth?

[A]

Oh, you know what? We forgot the smell is why we remembered.

[B]

But did you talk about part of my hair?

[A]

She's a Muppet.

[B]

Did she put your figure out? Would you figure out with my mouth?

[A]

This is the worst. The worst new Muppet character.

[C]

I understand you're upset, but my power bill is going to be insane this month.

[A]

As long as we figured.

[B]

When should I come back for my follow up?

[A]

Oh, my God. Have you seen this new Muppet burn? Sally, it's really.

[B]

My hair is gone and the left.

[C]

Your speech is absolutely too clear in this impression.

[B]

I just have to figure out about it. Go to the divider cavity. Did you do talk to the dentist about a drill?

[A]

She's completely morphing into a very famous Muppet as it goes on.

[C]

What's melting in your mouth?

[A]

A very red Muppet photographs a spirit. We're in the. We're in the photograph section.

[B]

This. I think this is probably the last one, right, Dave?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Departed little girl appears near her sister. In a group of pictures. I mean, you get it a short time ago. This is out of Michigan. A Short time ago, Ms. McSherry, photographer. A photographer at Hub Barston took a group of several ladies from Poamo. Among them a little girl standing beside her mother, the only child in the group. Great surprise. Great was the surprise of the photographer when the camera disclosed a second little girl standing beside the mother with a hand laid on the little sister. The apparition was a sister of the little girl who had been dead a short time.

[B]

Now. Is there. There's a picture that shows this.

[A]

I can tell that there is by.

[B]

The way that your face is.

[A]

No, there's no picture. Oh, there's no picture. They're not. She's not. They're not gonna show it.

[B]

The new Kodak dead sibling. Finally a camera that captures that trauma in a person.

[A]

Now is that. Does this just. Does this just see dead siblings or can I see like a dead uncle? Or is it just for.

[B]

We haven't perfected that technology yet.

[A]

So there's no dead uncle camera.

[C]

This model is just dead children. Sorry.

[B]

This is just dead children. Dead.

[A]

Okay. And can I just. Can I like take a picture of a field and nobody else and then my. Dead.

[C]

A lot of children have died in fields.

[B]

Yeah. You're probably going to be real freaked out when you do that.

[C]

You're going to see what looks like recess. It's a field.

[B]

Fields are just don't do fields or rivers or lakes.

[C]

It's gonna.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I would stick to alleys, random streets. You'll see one or two house.

[B]

So maybe a house where she passed or he passed. Something like that.

[C]

Their eyes are haunting.

[B]

Oh, phrase.

[C]

But I mean, when you look in one or two, you're like a depressed day. A field. Yeah, it's gonna. You're gonna be weeks.

[B]

I picture too.

[C]

Oh, man. I thought when you laid down you had expired. I thought she passed away.

[B]

I'm excited. A photo.

[A]

The crazy thing is people always wanted to know. People always want to know the origin story of Elmo. And this is how Elmo came to be.

[B]

It's an X ray.

[C]

Oh, my God. You fried all her hair off. Elmo's been a tiny woman all this time. It's like the plot of Orphan. Yeah. Like the hair's gone. No teeth.

[B]

Clearly fake.

[C]

Alice, Elmo isn't fun and cuddly.

[B]

Tell you about where it came from.

[C]

She said she's a tiny mad woman waiting to inevitably for my life.

[B]

I had teeth problems.

[C]

Oh, God. Elmyra. That's the horror movie right there. It's called Elmyra. You know her as Elm. She once was a lovely young woman. Red cooked red.

[B]

Oh, Matt. Well, Matt, thank you for joining us on the past time. Thank you for having me.

[C]

I'm sorry for my. My technical bs.

[B]

No, you're fine.

[C]

In the beginning, it was a joy.

[B]

Well, there was a real bounce back. We'll frame it as that. But tank top talks. People can listen wherever they get their podcast. Dave will be doing it shortly.

[C]

Yeah, Garrett's coming on too.

[B]

I'm coming on. I will fight Dave on it. And yep, thank you for joining us, Matt. You're the best.

[C]

Me guys. You guys rock. Thanks for all the fun.

[B]

What's up, doll heads? Gareth from the Gear Force here. Hey. Got some shows, got some changes to some shows. So I will be at the American Comedy co, San Diego, California, September 21st. September 24th, I'll be in Chandler, Arizona at Improv Mania. Then instead of going to Kansas City, Missouri, I'm going to be in Springfield, Missouri, September 26th, 27th, 28th, I'll be in Columbia, Missouri. Then I'll be in Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st, October 3rd, Fort Wayne, two shows and then special taping. October 4th, Chicago, Illinois at the Den. The Milwaukee show on September 30th is going to be replaced by something else. I don't know what it is yet. Go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. And for the love of God, join me. October 4th.