144 - The Past Times with Carmen Lagala

Summary

The Dollop – The Past Times with Carmen Lagala (Ep 144)

Release Date: September 26, 2025
Hosts: Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Carmen Lagala
Theme: Comedians dive into the peculiar, hilarious, and sometimes dark headlines of an actual 1906 Nevada newspaper, offering present-day perspective and comic riffs.

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Episode Overview

Comedian Carmen Lagala joins Dave and Gareth to riff through the oddities and eccentricities of a random Nevada newspaper from July 5, 1906. The trio discusses everything from leap year trivia and tragic dance hall stories to the importance of not hugging while waltzing and why college girls in Nevada were denied tamales. Their sharp, irreverent humor highlights the bizarre, archaic, and often misogynistic logic of early-20th-century news.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Specials, Comedy, and Creating New Material

• Carmen’s Special "Sweet Batch" (00:36–02:10)
  • Carmen explains the experience of recording and releasing a stand-up special on YouTube for free.
  • The group jokes about the economics of comedy: some creators get rich while most don’t, and options for monetization.
  • Dave remarks: "Have you considered going on a podcast and saying racist and anti-trans stuff on this one?" [01:23] (sarcastically referring to controversial 'hot take' podcasters).
• They also talk about aggressively recycling old material, referencing Denny Johnson and Pablo Francisco as comics known for sticking to the same act.

2. Guessing the Newspaper’s Year & Setting the Scene

• The group tries to guess the year of the newspaper, with Gareth joking: "I’m gonna guess 804." [04:25]
• Dave reveals it’s from July 5, 1906, Central Nevada Central (a small-town Nevada newspaper).
• They riff on the oddities and slow news days of small-town papers: "This is pretty much a pasture today..." [03:37]

3. Leap Year Oddities and ‘Extra Sundays’

• Leap Year Trivia (05:00–06:00)
  • The paper notes there will be 53 Sundays in 1906, "an occurrence that will not happen again for 110 years."
  • Carmen observes the peculiar leap year humor, including birthday jokes about being "12" if born on a leap day.
  • The group riffs on pedophile loopholes and the weird priorities of the time: "You can be a pedophile. It’s a nice little loophole." (Carmen, [06:08])

4. Life in 1906 Nevada: Church, Masturbation, & Breaking Colts

• The paper lists wholesome ways to spend the "extra Sunday," including going to church and "calling your best girl."
• Gareth riffs: "Sit around masturbating. Paint the fence. Kill your neighbor. Bury him in his own yard." [06:41]
• Quote: "110 years from this date, you will probably be paying the penalty or enjoying the pleasures of the method in which you chose to spend this extra Sunday." [07:22] (Reading from the paper; group mocks the high-stakes tone.)

5. Dance Hall Tragedy and Misogynistic Reporting

• A woman employed at a dance hall in Iono "shot herself through the left breast," supposedly after reading a novel in a "fit of despondency."
• The hosts lament the archaic, dismissive headline: "They’re mourning the boob. The woman's dead. But Jesus Christ, why couldn’t she have died through the stomach?" (Gareth, [08:56])
• Discussion about the meaning of “dance hall” — Dave: "They would give guys Tugs... dancing, not stripping." [10:36]
• Carmen imagines being the author blamed for a tragic suicide, paralleling it to modern-day podcasting.

6. Fireworks/Bomb Injury

• Story of a boy, Donald Hoskins, whose face was "frightfully burned" after a bomb/large firework exploded as he tried to re-light it.
• Group riffs on the universal experience of nervously checking faulty fireworks, and workplace safety in 1906.
• Carmen suggests "sitting on the bucket" (over the bomb), prompting Dave to dub it a "Wile E. Coyote solution."

7. College Girls Forbidden Tamales: Food, Gender, Rebellion

• University girls forbidden from receiving tamales at night due to an angry matron's order.
  • Quote: “And the fair damsels who are getting knowledge injected will not be comforted. And all because their hot tamale supply has been cut off.” (Reading from the paper, [25:18])
• Carmen cracks: "Maybe it's like their milk challenge," about the allure of forbidden tamales [24:22].
• The trio jokes about the labor of eating tamales, how "sucking at tamales" sounds filthier than intended, and considers whether the tamale man is really just a campus heartthrob.

8. Beauty Fads: Fasting for Attractiveness

• Article on female students fasting as the latest "fashionable fad" to improve "beauty."
• Carmen: "Wait, was she fasting for a week?" [34:38]
• Gareth: "Just let them eat tamales." [35:10]
• The group notes the disturbing continuity between 1906 diet culture and modern "intermittent fasting" trends.
• Dave notes: "This feels particularly dark." [35:10]

9. Waltzing Without Hugging & Sexual Repression

• Article: "Now hugging is tabooed while waltzing."
• Carmen and Gareth lampoon 1906’s sexual repression, with Gareth noting: "I mean, could you imagine how much you just wanted to fuck back then?" [41:37]
• Carmen: "It's just a play about anorexia." [40:46] (referring to the earlier fasting story)
• United Professional Masters of Dancing: No hugging allowed, dancers must waltz at arm’s length.

10. Miners' 10 Commandments: Satire and Safety

• Parody commandments for miners (not children): don’t sleep late, don’t mix ore and waste, don’t eat onions before entering the mine, don’t stand in the middle of the elevator, always laugh at the boss’s jokes, etc.
  • Dave tries to translate: "Don’t shit in the bucket that’s meant for the ore." [49:06]
• Carmen: "I'm really drunk right now, you guys." [45:50] (playing along with the confusion over biblical-style language)
• The commandments blur the line between genuine rules and sarcastic commentary.

11. Marriage “Advice” & Practical Women

• A young woman prefers "an old horse that knows how to pull the load"—choosing to marry an older man.
• The group rolls with the analogy, Gareth: "Honestly, I can't really argue with her there. ... Way more breakable now.” [54:40]

12. Workplace Injury & Mining Mishaps

• Miner Jerry Reese has his hand accidentally impaled by a candlestick (a mining tool for holding candles).
  • Gareth investigates what a candlestick is and describes its likely use: "It could be quite stabby. You would put it in the wall... then you would place your candle on it." [56:04]

13. Apocalyptic Predictions

• A quack in 1906 predicts all cities will be destroyed by earthquakes in 1982.
  • Carmen: "This is like... Like a Joe Rogan of the time." [58:26]
  • The group jokes about pseudo-scientific bravado in both 1906 and today.

14. Rise of Socialism & Unions in Early Nevada

• The paper reports on political fear of the "socialist vote" in Nevada.
  • Gareth: "It's always fleeting. Anytime unions have power... the evil is..." [59:26]

15. Spectacularly Misogynist Ending: “Take Your Medicine”

• An Oklahoma girl dislocates her neck pulling away from an unwanted kiss. The paper admonishes: “Dear girls, it is always safer to stand up and take your medicine.” [61:39–61:53]
• Gareth, aghast: "What the fuck...Finally we know the gender of the author. Wow. What a horrible... This is why you can't reject men, women. Your back will hurt, so just take your medicine.” [62:05]
• The group calls out the pervasive victim-blaming and sexism of the era, with Gareth: "If someone writes a mean comment on your video and you attack them with a better line, the fellas just need to take their medicine and shut the fuck up." [63:17]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gareth: "They were mourning the boob. The woman’s dead. But Jesus Christ, why couldn’t she have died through the stomach?” [08:56] (on the dance hall tragedy)
• Carmen: "I'm really drunk right now, you guys." [45:50] (while making sense of the miner’s commandments)
• Gareth: "Just let them eat tamales." [35:10] (on the ridiculousness of food policing)
• Carmen: "It's just a play about anorexia." [40:46]
• Gareth (on Oklahoma girl’s injury): "What the fuck... What a horrible. Christy, this is why you can't reject men women. Your back will hurt, so just take your medicine.” [62:05]
• Carmen: "So they experiment on one of them, the weakest one." [39:25] (on the fasting club)
• Dave: "If thou refuseth to toil as they dictate, thou and thy dog and all that thou possesseth will be hitting the trail for Tonopah." [52:34] (reciting the miner’s commandments)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:36] – Carmen discusses her special, comedy business
• [03:37] – Guessing the newspaper year & intro to 1906 Nevada
• [05:00] – Leap year and extra Sunday weirdness
• [08:56] – Dance hall suicide and media portrayal
• [13:28] – Firework/bomb injury in small-town Nevada
• [23:54] – University girls forbidden tamales (start of tamale saga)
• [34:32] – Fasting: the newest fad for beauty, 1906 style
• [41:06] – Waltzing without hugging becomes law
• [45:07] – Miners' 10 Commandments: satire, safety, and onions
• [53:16] – "Practical" women and marriage to older men
• [56:00] – Candlestick workplace injury, explained
• [58:26] – Apocalyptic predictions, Joe Rogan riff
• [61:39] – Oklahoma girl’s neck injury; misogynistic “medicine” advice
• [62:46] – Carmen on responding to online comments
• [63:35] – Wrap-up & thanks

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Tone and Style

The hosts maintain their trademark irreverence and sarcasm, using the archaic, often bizarre content of the 1906 newspaper as a springboard for modern social commentary, rampant absurdity, and sharp one-liners. Carmen Lagala proves a game guest, rolling with the weirdness and adding her own comic lenses to both the historical oddities and the sexist, moralizing subtexts.

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Recurring Themes

• The bewildering priorities and judgments of early newspapers: from trivializing women’s mental health to obsessing over trivial food bans.
• Persistent misogyny and lack of self-awareness in the media, both then and now.
• Parallels between early-20th-century trends (fasting, social policing, social movements) and those of today.
• The utter strangeness of small-town reporting, then and now.

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Listener Takeaway:
Even seemingly mundane slices of century-old news are rife with comedy, darkness, and lessons—most obviously, that some societal ills are disturbingly persistent.

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Closing Note:
Carmen can be found on YouTube with her special "Sweet Batch" and engages with commenters, even the snarky ones (especially on Instagram). If you want more historic absurdity, The Dollop’s archives await.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Everybody. Welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week, the great Carmen Legala. Thank you for joining us so much.

[C]

Thank you for having me. So much.

[B]

It's exciting. Exciting. This is. You said before we started, this is really big for you. We appreciate that. That was nice to hear.

[C]

This is the biggest thing I've done all day.

[B]

Yeah. No, and it is late. For those listening, it is 9pm 9. 00pm is when we're recording. Carmen, you're on the road. You have a special called Sweet Batch. People can just go look at that on YouTube. That's the best way.

[C]

For free, for no money.

[B]

For free, for free. So how are you recouping the. The shooting of the special? You're just hoping that. Yeah, that's the way to do it. Isn't that great? That the way that always works out.

[A]

Yeah, we used to. Back in the day, we used to make money off the stuff.

[B]

No, it's. It's really amazing. And it's what's. Here's what's weird. Seems like some people are getting very rich.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And then the artistes are. We're not. We're not sharing in the spoils. It's interesting.

[A]

Well, have you considered going on a podcast and saying racist and anti trans on this one?

[B]

I plan on really spiking my numbers on this one, but no. Congratulations on the special. Thank you for being here. Are you on the road a lot right now?

[C]

Here and there, yeah. I mean, I don't even know. Like, I'm somewhere.

[A]

Well done.

[C]

Tomorrow.

[A]

I want to say somewhere tomorrow. Like, you know. No, you live in the moment. You live in the moment.

[B]

Now that you've just recorded your special, are you enjoying. Enjoying just kind of going out there and not feeling rigid and regimented? Or are you, like, feeling like you're trying to invent? Where are you at in your process of. Are you still doing the special?

[A]

No.

[C]

God, no. No. As soon as it was recorded, it was over. I am. And people will show up to my shows and be like, I thought you were just gonna do stuff from the special. I'm like, what?

[B]

Who?

[A]

It's funny when people think that, yes, it would be.

[B]

What an honor it would be to just be like, and now I'm still doing the material.

[A]

Have you ever heard of Denny Johnson? He was like, really early comedian, early 80s, but he wrote. He wrote 45 minutes in, like, a month and then toured on it. I'm not kidding. For 20 years.

[B]

It's awesome.

[A]

He never did anything else.

[C]

Like, never tweaked it or anything.

[A]

He was. He just did. Exactly.

[B]

Amazing. Never tweak and over. No, it's perfect.

[A]

It was crazy.

[B]

People aren't laughing that much. I'm not changing. No, that happened with Pablo Francisco, I think.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where people, like, he is still doing, like, Movie Announcer Man.

[C]

Yeah, I heard he still does that. But people love it. That's what they want to.

[B]

I mean, he is so fucking funny. All right, well, it's not about him. Your special sweet batch is way funnier than anything he's ever done. Except for when he fell off stage.

[C]

It's my impression of Pablo for 52 minutes.

[B]

We're all doing Pablo. I mean, let's be honest. All right, so, Carmen, we're gonna go through this old weird newspaper. Yeah, I do that all the time.

[C]

What made you do you. Yeah, I'll find. I love, like. I like the ones that they just weren't. Didn't have a lot going on sometimes.

[B]

And they're just like, you're probably gonna enjoy doing this show. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is pretty much a pasture today. You're like, yeah, a lot of that stuff. Well, let's start with this, then. What we like to do is we like to start off by having the guest try to guess what year you think this will be from with no frame of reference. I'll also take a guess. You'll win no matter what happens, because Dave is a bit of a psychopath and has issues with me. But, you know, it could be. I mean, it could be 1800s, 1900s, maybe 17. It won't be above the 2100s because we haven't gotten there yet.

[C]

We don't do future pages here.

[B]

1312. Like, that would be our earliest. You're talking the tablet times.

[C]

The tablet times. Good ring.

[B]

I'm gonna guess 804.

[A]

Oh, Carmen wins. It is 1906.

[C]

I was close.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you were. Well, not really very close.

[C]

Grand timeline of all existence. I was. I'm pretty close.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I mean, yeah, if you think about.

[A]

It that way, since. Since mankind began.

[B]

Oh, mankind. Listen to him. Mansplaining man. I like to call it womankind. Personally Ally. Go ahead.

[A]

It is July 5, 1906. The Central. Nevada Central.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot going on in the middle of Nevada.

[B]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's a great state.

[A]

An extra Sunday, finally.

[B]

Now the Question is, how are they spelling it? If it's another day of the week or some kid just hit the jackpot on his birthday.

[A]

There will be 53 Sundays this year. An occurrence that will not happen again for 110 years.

[B]

I still am curious on the spelling because either way it still works for me, to be honest.

[C]

Did it just happen?

[A]

Yeah, I think it did. Yeah.

[B]

Is this the leap year? 16. Okay. What?

[A]

It must have been. Yeah, we. I missed it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. We get into the Central Nevada news this.

[B]

Damn it. Jesus.

[A]

How often does leap year happen? Is it five?

[B]

Four?

[A]

My, My uncle was born on a leap day.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh yeah. They love that joke where they're like I'm 12.

[A]

And you're like, okay, yeah, yeah, we get it. That's hilarious.

[B]

They were shorted a sense of humor. But they got that one line.

[A]

But they, they get to do.

[B]

They tore off that for 20 years.

[A]

They get to do that joke. But then you just don't buy them birthday gifts.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Cool. 12.

[C]

And you can be a pedophile. It's a nice little loophole.

[B]

It is nice.

[A]

No, I'm 12.

[B]

That's what Trump said. These are all leap children.

[A]

This extra Sunday can be utilized in attending church. Calling your best girl.

[B]

Wow. We are. What a time.

[A]

Reading the scripture.

[B]

Wow. So it feels like 1 and 3 are pretty related.

[A]

Playing. Playing with the children.

[B]

Easy.

[A]

Sitting around masturbating.

[B]

Wait a minute. Stop adding them. Stop adding them. Sit around masturbating. Paint the fence. Kill your neighbor. Bury him in his own yard.

[A]

Breaking two year old cult.

[B]

Breaking in what?

[A]

A two year old colt.

[B]

Colt.

[A]

Yeah. Or horse.

[B]

C O L T. Colt.

[C]

Not a cult.

[B]

I thought I heard. Yeah.

[C]

I was like, they into cults in mid Nevada. I can see it.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

Breaking two year old go to church. You could.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Hit your horse. You could hit your kids.

[A]

Oh, then they. And then they say, or some other way.

[B]

Oh, so there's some other options too. It doesn't necessarily need to be religiously based or calling your best girl.

[A]

110 years from this date, you will probably be paying the penalty or enjoying the pleasures of the method in which you chose to spend this extra Sunday.

[B]

This writer needs to chill the out. Obviously that is high stakes on an extra Sunday.

[A]

They were like, frank, can you pad the paper a little bit?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's like, you're not gonna be great.

[C]

If you don't send this paper to 15 more people.

[B]

Your children will die in a barn fire if you do. Not.

[A]

Too much novel again.

[B]

There's a lot of wordplay. Because it could be too much reading or too much of a sort of interesting thing.

[C]

Ooh, is this same authority?

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah. It doesn't say who the. Back then. They didn't say who it was. It's usually just the guy.

[B]

That's why the articles can be so bad. Yeah, it's just. It is just the guy who edited it.

[A]

He's like Pansy West. He's a terrible. Damn.

[B]

Yeah, great.

[A]

Employed in a dance hall at. Can't read that. Iono.

[B]

Pab.

[A]

Maybe Shot herself through the left breast Thursday morning. Dying constantly.

[C]

My least favorite breast.

[B]

Okay, yeah, I'm gonna shoot one. I honestly. Yeah, you gotta pick. I always go left.

[A]

As a man who understands the human body, maybe I would have put heart.

[B]

Well, okay. I'll jump in with my note if we're gonna do notes now. It seems like she died from the gunshot, so. Yeah, it's more. I like that. It's definitely a man who wrote this because he's like, we're mourning the boob. The woman's dead. But Jesus Christ, why couldn't she have died through the stomach?

[A]

There will be a brass memorial tomorrow.

[B]

I'm eulogizing her. Left it.

[A]

She had been reading a novel entitled Thrown on the World. And it is supposed that in a sudden fit of despondency, she took her life.

[B]

Oh, geez.

[A]

Okay, but why?

[B]

This headline could use so much work.

[A]

But this is what they always do. They have no idea about psychology. And they're just like, well, she looked at the cow and it looked sad. So she killed herself. No, A long time went into this.

[B]

Sad, despondent woman, shot herself through the chest. And this guy was like, lady Red Book shot tit.

[C]

That sounds like a.

[A]

Maybe she didn't want to work at a dance hall.

[B]

Stop.

[C]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[A]

I could have a couple meetings.

[B]

But it's where the kids would get. Where the. You know, it's where the kids would go. You take your best girl, you'd hang out, you do the sock hop, you know, Everyone would start to feel fluids building up inside themselves, and there was nothing they could do about it until they got married.

[A]

It could just be a place where people go to dance. She could be a paid. She's paid to dance with fellas.

[B]

Oh. Or maybe she, like, stood on a little stage and danced.

[A]

Yeah. But I remember.

[B]

I mean, I have no idea.

[A]

I met. I met. When I first moved here, I met a girl, and she worked at a dance hall, and they would give guys Tugs. They would dance. They would get paid to dance with them, and they'd give them a tug. It would be like the. Well, I'm pay. I'm paid to dance. But then they. But it was like dancing, dancing. Not like. Not like stripping.

[C]

Regular dancing. And then took them off.

[B]

Yeah, that's what Dave's pitching.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Dancing and jacking.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, everybody's got their thing.

[B]

I, I. Listen, I'm just going to dance.

[C]

You're going to the dancing jack again, aren't you? To dance.

[A]

You don't like to dance with me, so I gotta go down there and get the dance.

[B]

Well, no, then you made the dance the jack. All right, Everyone do the jack. This is how it's legal.

[C]

So she's like the Heath Ledger of her time.

[B]

She is.

[A]

Yeah. She took her life after reading the sentence. How do they know what sentence she read?

[B]

What is going on here? Absolute.

[A]

Look, I'm gonna cut open her brain to see what sentence she read.

[B]

It was this one.

[A]

Or maybe she's reading out loud, yelling it.

[B]

That's the only way.

[A]

This is the sentence. That life had become a trouble and a burden greater than she could bear. They did not know the swift, sudden, terrible death came to her as a blessing in disguise.

[B]

Dark. I mean, yeah, I guess. I guess I would. That. I get it. Why did she read with a loaded gun?

[A]

Isn't that how you read sometimes? You just take the loaded gun and you'd go on to read bookmarks on the bookmark people do with their fingers. Some people do it with a gun.

[B]

Yeah, I. No, I don't read enough to know.

[A]

This was. This was this year. 1906, specifically was the year of the shot. Left breast. So this book did a lot of damage.

[C]

Imagine being the author. Like if somebody listened to your podcast and people were like. The last sentence they heard was Dave saying some.

[B]

Gareth doing a terrible Australian accent. Yeah. Oh, God. If it was during the ads. Oh, no, not during the ads. It was during an AG1 spot. She couldn't handle it anymore.

[A]

She was age 25 and formerly resided in San Jose, California.

[B]

That's sad. I mean, let's just enjoy the fact that she probably would have passed away by now anyway, so I think we can. She would have died naturally.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. They. They just. They love to try to figure out why someone. But again, suicided.

[B]

Leading with the. It being a breast that was shot is very.

[A]

It's not great.

[B]

It's very str.

[A]

Injured by a bomb.

[B]

That was the third That'll happen.

[A]

Bombs definitely injure.

[B]

Yeah. This guy. The guy jumps on the seat, he's like, but any boobs near it? Medic.

[A]

Wednesday morning, while Donald, eldest son of Mr. And Mrs. A. Hoskins. Why don't you say Donald Hoskins? Okay. Was attempting to fire off a bomb. Okay.

[B]

This is America.

[A]

I have a question.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why was he firing off a bomb?

[C]

America, Nevada, it never covers that.

[A]

Well, I hope so.

[B]

Maybe not. There's a strong chance it won't.

[A]

It's just a weird way to start it.

[B]

Well, it's just like. Yeah. The given information is just like. Obviously he was letting off. I mean, how are you going to spend your leap year?

[C]

Sunday, it's 1906.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What else are you gonna do? It exploded. The full charge of the powder, striking him in the face.

[B]

Oh, he bombed his own head.

[A]

This is like a Acme cartoon.

[B]

He's city face turns black. He's just a little city and saunters off.

[A]

He lit the fuse in the bomb and after waiting some minutes and failed to hear a report, he went forth and was leaning over, attempting to light it the second time when it exploded.

[B]

I mean, kind of relatable. We've all lit fireworks, so the approach to check is very.

[A]

You're like, I feel like it. Your approach to a Whistling Pete is a little bit different than a bomb.

[B]

First of all, you think I'm Whistling Pete's? You insult me, my friend.

[A]

What's your favorite fireworks?

[B]

Cannons. Big boys, the daddies. The ones where the owners got to come out and unlock a cabinet for you. Is that a thing in Wisconsin? Yeah. Really? No, but. No, but I get. I mean, what a nightmare to be like, did it go off? I don't. There's a pro, like, inspecting your bomb fuse.

[A]

You gotta wait a long time.

[B]

He waited a couple minutes.

[A]

It doesn't sound like he waited very long.

[C]

What was the terminology for waiting again? He waited some moments.

[A]

Waited some minutes.

[C]

Some minutes.

[B]

Some minutes.

[A]

Some.

[C]

Some.

[B]

Good amount.

[A]

What's your. What's your. Carmen, what's your. What do you do in this bomb situation? What's your usual.

[B]

We know. We now know. Yeah.

[C]

I probably would have done exactly what he did.

[B]

Did he die completely co. Sign that move. I would have. What? You can't walk away and be like, well, that's that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm literally. I'm literally getting a chair and having a beer and waiting an hour.

[C]

An hour.

[B]

I'm. Hours. Too much.

[C]

No, Like a bucket. I don't know anything about bombs, but I also think that this guy didn'. Either. So if we're on the same wavelength, maybe there's like a bucket and I put it over the bomb.

[B]

I. I like this line of thinking.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Yeah, no, I like it.

[A]

No, no, I'm.

[B]

I believe it. I am again, co signing. I believe that is a better approach.

[A]

She's. She's. You've come up with a wiley coyote solution.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then I sit on the bucket.

[B]

And I wait some minutes, and now you're losing me. Now you lose. You're not sitting on your bob bucket.

[C]

The bucket blows up all by itself. Itself.

[B]

You got to hold the bucket. All right, I'm getting a tub. I'm tubbing over it.

[A]

I thought you were going to say I get a bucket and I fill it with water and put the vom in it. I thought that's where you were going.

[B]

No, you put it over minor. There's a zone of protection.

[C]

Now I'll cover it in left tits.

[B]

Yeah, I just.

[A]

It would just be so funny to watch.

[B]

Guys, the tit coroner is my favorite character. Is she alive or dead? Well, her boobs are toast. There's still a pulse, but there's no point on trying to keep her alive. Look at this tit. It's over the tit coroner.

[A]

I can hear you.

[B]

You let your boobs talk.

[A]

He was frightfully burned about the face, and it was feared for a time that his eyesight was destroyed. But we learn he is able to see a little out of one eye. But owing to his face being in such a swollen condition, Dr. Pope is unable to state what extent he is injured.

[B]

I love doctors.

[C]

I mean, his face is some injured.

[A]

How.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How bad was the bomb? It wasn't that big of a bomb.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's big. No, you're out of your mind. No, there's. This is a bigger bomb.

[A]

No, but then he wouldn't have eyes. He wouldn't have a face.

[B]

He basically doesn't, is what they're saying.

[A]

Well, it's swollen. He does bomb.

[B]

He's got bomb heads.

[A]

And M80 would do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You're a whistling Pete.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

The way you're spinning a yarn over.

[C]

Here, I think back then, do you ever. Do you ever feel, like, really confident that in 1906 you would have been like, a perfectly reasonable doctor? Can keep up?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Quite a good one.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Although I am taking my brain of knowledge from now back with me. That would. Back then, I'm sure I would have been a guy who would just be like, you got trolls. Ankle trolls.

[C]

I've had that. It's the worst.

[A]

It's not great. It's not great.

[B]

Everything I think is a troll. You got a bunch of trolls in your neck. You understand? You keep losing babies because you got tummy trolls. They're the worst variety. You probably. It probably started in your ankle. They migrated.

[A]

At last accounts, he was resting very easy.

[B]

He's dying.

[C]

There's no face in the head. He's like, it's fine.

[B]

I'm doing well. He's resting. He's just in bed dying. And they're like, it's pretty cool. He's sleeping really, like super deep.

[A]

Like, not even breathing.

[B]

Like he's dead sleeping.

[A]

We sincerely hope that his injuries are not bad and that his eyesight.

[B]

Both have been confirmed.

[A]

They did not do any reporting. Reporting on this story.

[B]

It's like a separate guy. I'm the bottom liner. I don't read the article. I just write a weird thing at the end. Hopefully he's okay and the bomb didn't hurt him. What you just are writing at the end of is an article about a bomb hurting him quite badly.

[A]

The Past Times is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Look, if you're still overpaying for wireless.

[B]

What'S at this point you like to be punished? What are you doing?

[A]

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Excuse me. Did you call it sexy?

[A]

Yeah, it's sexy. It works perfectly. It's everything you want out of a phone service. So you're just literally throwing away money by not using it. It. That's how I see it.

[B]

It's weird. So everybody should switch to M. Switch to Mint Mobile.

[A]

Every single person.

[B]

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[A]

Should switch to Mint Mobile. That's what I'm saying. I'm Dave. Anthony.

[B]

That's crazy.

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Gareth, we. The pastimes are also brought to you by Cash App. Yes, Dave, we both use Cash App. Gareth uses it on the road when you're selling merch and whatnot.

[B]

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[A]

Because it's the easiest thing to use. It's safe, it's secure and people love it. I know. My grandpa does. What do you mean, don't worry about it?

[B]

That's right, because you call them Cash Pap. Pappy Cash Pap. I'll stop. Yeah, we use Cash App a lot for selling merch. Very straightforward, very easy, secure, feel good about it. All those things.

[A]

Yeah. When it comes to money, like, you should feel safe and you know, from fraud and in control. And that's what you get with Cash App.

[B]

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[B]

What?

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, none of those go together. Finally. You know what I mean?

[B]

I agree.

[A]

This is. This is important. Is it college. College girls should not be allowed to have tamales. Like, what are we doing?

[B]

Specifically, college girls are not allowed to have tamales.

[C]

Bowed in grief.

[A]

Bowed in grief over not being able to have tamales.

[B]

Now see, if it was hot tamales, the candy, I'm understanding a little bit more.

[C]

The classic 1906. Yeah, maybe it's like their milk challenge.

[B]

Yes. Now we're doing it because regular tamale. I'm like, I like It. But as far as. It's like low on my.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On my list of. Of Mexican food, tamales is low.

[B]

Comes in a little.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like steamy.

[B]

It's good. But again, it seems like a heavy lift when you could just put stuff in a tortilla.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Whereas the tamale. It's like exhuming a body. Like, whoa. And then you eat it. You're like. It's kind of dry, but good.

[C]

But also dry.

[B]

Yeah. How did you make a dehydrated soaking thing? What did you guys do? You got to lift the hot little shell around it.

[A]

Cries of woe resound through Manzanita hall at the state university. And the fair damsels who are getting knowledge injected will not be comforted. And all because their hot tamale supply has been cut off.

[C]

Now explain.

[A]

I'm assuming it's. Assuming it's a. Yeah, right. I'm assuming it's a. It's an all. All girls.

[B]

It's a punishment.

[A]

It's got to be an all girls college.

[B]

Oh, see, I wouldn't even be that confident. I could very easily see a 1906 institution be like, only men. Get this. Why? Because fuck everything.

[C]

I can't believe in 1906.

[A]

That's it. No more tamales for the girls.

[B]

We're going to figure out who's doing dance hall tug jobs by removing your tamale line.

[C]

They couldn't have all fair damsels. It's pretty generous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

True. Yeah. There's definitely a couple. Like, you know.

[A]

You're saying some are naughty damsels. Troll damsels.

[B]

Don't let them in your ankle, boys. Keep an eye on them.

[A]

It appears that for years, when the north winds howled and the snow flurried.

[B]

Such a annoying article already.

[A]

The coeds gathered about.

[B]

Why are you writing it like it's a knight's tale?

[A]

That's how you write it. Tamale's story.

[C]

He wanted to be an author and he got by. Lines about tamales.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. This tamale is a bit of an odyssey if you think about it. Hank, just write the goddamn article. I will.

[A]

It was three part story.

[B]

A breeze hit the forehead of some of the fair damsels.

[A]

Yes. Go on.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Okay. And the coeds gathered about the fires and sucked at tamales wrapped in corn husks.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Wait. Is that how you're supposed to do it?

[B]

What?

[C]

Wrong.

[B]

I have been eating them. I have been also eating them. I should point out they're just the Mexicans just looking at, like, Jesus Christ. Oh, you're really good. Like you idiot. Why is it wet and dry? Because you're such a idiot. Idiot.

[A]

But now all this has changed through the latest ultimatum of the matron who was just issued an edict that hereafter she will open all packages that come into the place after dark. And that tamales etc are tabooed.

[B]

What? How many tamales? What is happening?

[A]

Night tamales.

[C]

Are they eating the tamales? Like.

[B]

Just the dudes across.

[A]

Look at the way these girls go.

[B]

Would you like another one, Gloria?

[A]

Oh my good. Get more coeds tamales. This is amazing.

[B]

Here you are.

[A]

But there is more to come. The tamale man has become enraged.

[B]

Oh, Jesus. You don't awake asleep in giant. You don't know who you're with.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

And has ordered this ad taken out of the college paper and threatens further boycott. So. So his. And he's enraged. So they. They stop. They. They forbid tamales on campus. And so his response is in enraged response is to take the ad out because you know, one can eat them. So why would I have an ad?

[B]

That's all right. Well, what a strange little slice.

[A]

And he threatens a further boycott. You mean like he's boycotting like, wow, they can't eat the tamales.

[B]

All right, I'm taking my business and leaving. No, your business is shut down, tamale man. Nice try.

[A]

I quit. You've just been fired.

[B]

You ever played tamale chess?

[A]

Meanwhile the girls are sad.

[C]

No, I mean it is.

[B]

It's again, of all foods to be like, so can't handle it.

[A]

What if they were like, if you.

[B]

Told me right now you'll never have another tamale, I would be like, that's fine.

[A]

Yeah, I think made that.

[B]

I made that decision. Seems like a huge pain in the ass.

[A]

I made that decision years ago, steaming it again.

[B]

The tortilla has far surpassed our tamale technology.

[A]

Well, you can't eat the outside of the tamale cuz it's corn leaves.

[B]

Well, that part you can't. Now I'm jumping ship from you.

[A]

Do you eat? I don't eat that part.

[B]

The corn leaf? Yeah, you don't eat the corn leaf.

[A]

Yeah. So what are you talking about?

[B]

So funny to do that.

[A]

Some guy just eating it like a banana.

[B]

Pretty bad. I do remember when I was a kid, the first time I ate Reese's peanut butter cup. Like hearing the hype and not knowing that there was paper underneath it. I'm like being like, it's pretty good. But that lower part ain't working great for me. Someone was like, hey, dumbass. I was like, oh, this is good. Oh, this is very good.

[A]

Oh, it's like a tamale.

[B]

Oh, this is quite good, actually. Now that I'm not choking on paper, this is quite a delicious treat.

[C]

How many did you eat before you.

[B]

I think. I think I was halfway through the second one when I was like, Someone's like, buddy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I was like, ah. I didn't learn about rappings until I was 30.

[A]

Yeah. Cereal was crazy.

[B]

Yeah, it was not good.

[A]

She's got a knife and a fork on the box.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, that. Tricks are good, but, man, I'll tell you what, doesn't go down too easy.

[A]

So they might. They must have banned them, because if the girls were sucking them, then they thought that was the thing.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Well, if they do say sucking at the tomorrow tamales, then that one must be what the deal is.

[C]

Or the tamale man was, like, super hot and.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Pregnant.

[B]

Would you like to suck a tamale? It was code.

[A]

There's so many tamale babies.

[B]

He just. He just had hot dogs. More tamales.

[A]

Meanwhile, the girls are sad, the tamale man angry, and the matron sits stern and silent in accordance with those pictured in storybooks.

[B]

You know, I am actually really open now to the tamale man just being a hot Lothario. Hearing they're so.

[A]

Yeah, I like that better.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

That's the best scenario, because the rest of it.

[B]

So it was a hot tamale, but.

[A]

Then, you know, it's not that. Because that. That you're like. Carmen came up with, like, a. You came up, like a reasonable, like, re. Well, maybe I get it. Like, he's. He's. But then, you know, it's. It's 1906, so it's just completely unreasonable and stupid.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's just again, like, just control. The level of control.

[A]

Yeah, it's because. It's because a bunch of coeds like something.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a problem. Well, that was like. That's everything. Every time. Like, youth is like rock and roll. No, I don't think they were like, the devil will eat you, you fools.

[A]

Oh, my God. They lost their mind around this time at rag dancing.

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

A new fad.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Yeah, here we go. It is now a settled thing in the fashionable world that fasting will be the next fashionable fad.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Oh, wait. Sure. That's not this year.

[B]

Yeah. Before we knew about ketosis.

[A]

Fasting is really in right now.

[B]

Fasting is so in.

[A]

Maybe they didn't.

[B]

I'm not eating.

[C]

Didn't we have like. What is ours called? Just like little. Just little like fasting chunks. You do like 12 off, three on.

[A]

Yeah. What do they call it?

[B]

It's called a window. Intermittent. Intermittent.

[C]

Intermittent.

[B]

Intermittent.

[C]

Intermittent Interment.

[B]

Yep. Intermen.

[A]

Miss. Oh, they. They.

[B]

I'm on a tamale fast.

[A]

They. They don't put her name. They put s. And then a bunch of dashes. Like they don't want.

[B]

Oh, like they're.

[A]

We're not allowed to know her name.

[B]

That's rare because see, Carmen, a lot of times in the paper they will put the address of where someone lives back then. Oh my God. Literally. They'll be like, you know, they'll like, like disparage a woman and they'll be like, by the way, she's in unit four on 1455 Maple Avenue.

[C]

Just doxing in the early.

[B]

Just a constant doxing.

[A]

Miss, Ms. S will fat first fast today. It says two T. Tw O.

[B]

Okay. Which doesn't make two days off.

[A]

That makes sense. Well, first fast, two. It wouldn't be days.

[B]

This is before they invented the S, dude.

[A]

That's right. Today. And then the other ladies will look.

[B]

What? What? At least it's not a guy. The only redeeming moment I'm finding is that it's not like. And then Dr. Clark will come in and have give her the once over. Nude preferably.

[A]

He said, okay, you've been fasting two days. Take off all your clothes. Look at you. And if she's making progress and can stand it, she will find out from the other ladies how much she is improving in beauty and go ahead for another week.

[B]

Oh my God. Jesus Christ, just let him eat tamales.

[C]

Wait, was she fasting for a week?

[A]

No. Two days?

[B]

No. But then another week.

[A]

No. Yeah. If the two days are successful, then she's going to keep going.

[C]

But if it's not successful, shouldn't be after two days.

[A]

She's like, yeah, it should be no difference.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Then she's like, well, it. It doesn't work after two days.

[A]

She's like, I had a weird taste in my mouth.

[B]

Yeah, I'm a little agitated.

[A]

If she is still improving, she will go ahead and eat something. As long as her beauty continues to improve.

[B]

Like, we're still a really damaged species, obviously, but this feels particularly dark.

[A]

What about not eating?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, you're looking good. None of us should eat. For the boys.

[A]

Then the rest will fall in line and Carson will have all the good looking women In Nevada, right here at home.

[B]

This is weird as.

[A]

No, this got really good.

[B]

And all the women. The goal is for every woman to be a 10.

[A]

This is a really good story.

[C]

Stop eating Nevada. Central Nevada's got the hottest. We all know it.

[B]

We'll say, they're so great out there. They don't.

[A]

They don't eat food.

[B]

Having driven through Nevada, you definitely are like, everyone's perfect here.

[A]

I don't think I've ever driven through central Nevada.

[B]

Oh, Nevada.

[A]

You go up around this way, or you go, like, you don't go through the city.

[B]

If you've driven through 20 minutes of Nevada, that's not Vegas. You've driven through the entire state. Yeah, it's all that. It's all you being like, boy, this sucks. And I mean, like, why does someone live there? It's just like, one family is like, that's right. Hello. We've been here since 19. Oh, our son lit a bomb.

[A]

The stage coach broke down.

[B]

He went to check it. That's how we are. It's like if fallout were a town. Isn't that cool? Hello.

[A]

There's just. I just saw a picture of. Of people in Vegas around a pool, like, swimming, and then they stop to look up because off in the distance, they're setting off a nuke.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah. People would go there recently. No, it was like, oh, no.

[B]

I thought maybe a baby nuke.

[A]

It's like when they were testing in the desert. But people would just hang out in Vegas and be like, oh, look at that one. Yeah, look how beautiful she is.

[B]

I mean, by the way, it's. It's not. It seems I, I. I still think that would happen today. They were just lying about, like, people like. You sure it's okay? They're like, absolutely. If you're 30ft away, you're fine.

[A]

It is okay.

[B]

It's fine. It's fine.

[A]

We're gonna start setting them off on July 4th.

[C]

Where's Area 52? Is that Arizona? 51 is in Area 52.

[B]

What the. You guys heard about Area 58? We didn't know there were more areas. You got to see area 611 or area 8. This place is crazy.

[A]

This is 51 or 52 now.

[B]

Area 51.

[A]

It is. 51.

[B]

And then the Reno.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh, it's. No. What is it called? It's. What the is it called? It begins with an R. We do.

[A]

Have little computers in our pockets.

[B]

Yeah. But I don't use those. It's. People right now are listening, like, yeah.

[A]

How do you not know this, you idiot? I don't care.

[B]

It's Roswell.

[A]

Yeah, Roswell.

[C]

In what state?

[B]

Oh, no, I still don't remember.

[A]

Well, there's a place called Area 51. Fireworks. You think that's it?

[B]

Don't go there. If you need a big boy, talk to Andy. He'll come up with the key for the glass cabinet. Carmen, where do you live? What's your exact address? I think it's probably fair now to get that out there. Where are you?

[C]

LA or 3? 2? No, I'm in New York. I'm in Brooklyn. I'm in Prospect. Clifford's garden at the mom, which.

[A]

I lived in Prospect park for like five years. Yeah, tonight.

[B]

Yeah, he lived in the park. Stole Frisbees, Buried them.

[A]

I went through a shrub stage.

[B]

Yeah, Dave was a big shrub guy back then. He's the reason there's a fence around that park.

[A]

That's true. Okay. Roswell's in New Mexico.

[C]

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

[B]

Exactly. I'm glad I didn't answer that part.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

If she's still improving. She'll go ahead and eat nothing. As long as her beauty continues to improve. The rest will fall in line. The rest will fall in love.

[B]

It's good. It's very good.

[C]

So they experiment on the. One of them, the weakest one.

[B]

Yeah, they bring. They're bringing the weakest one. She's starting to improve.

[C]

Hot.

[B]

None of us elite.

[A]

You know what? None of you guys should be eating. And Carson will have all the good looking women in Nevada right here at home.

[C]

I thought there was one guy named Carson for a second.

[B]

Carson, he's just got a cult.

[C]

He's like, hell yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Hey. All right. You're out looking smoking right now. This is awesome. And he's fat and ugly.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

He's just a big bald piece of. Finally. Y' all are looking good. Excuse me while I take a handbrake.

[A]

The appeal can. Yeah, the appeal can. Just imagine a lot of Carson ladies telling the first faster how she looks. Oh, and then they did it. Then they. Then they. They did how the conversation would go.

[B]

Oh, no. A dialogue.

[A]

Oh, Mrs. S. How lovely. Such an improvement. Oh, my. I'm dying to get a chance to fast myself. I'm. I'll not eat a bean for a week. And outside the door we hear it something like this. My, wouldn't that kill you if she fasted a year? It might help, etc. Etc.

[C]

Just a play about anorexia.

[B]

Yeah. A supportive group of anorexics. That's great.

[A]

Well, this is mostly. Isn't this mostly just men telling women that they should fast?

[B]

I would be very interested to know the gender of the author. True. It has to be some guy who's, like, perfect. And they won't eat a bean.

[A]

No beans.

[B]

That'll be good. No tamales. No. I mean, so far, we're just shaming women out of calories.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, here's good. Here's a good one. No more hugging. This paper has some issues. This guy. Guy. Writing this paper is really up. And now hugging is tabooed. While Watts. Waltzing.

[B]

While waltzing.

[A]

Do you hug when you waltz?

[B]

I mean, the. The sexual energy in people was.

[A]

I mean, could you imagine how much you just wanted to back then? I mean, you want to now, but my God, it must have been making you crazy.

[B]

But what a hug. A 1906 hug would do. You'd be like, Jesus Christ. Like, you would be home. Like, d. I'm gonna be in here for a little while. Oh, the hug. Like hugging. And that was like, in, like, junior high, you'd maybe be like, and I hug you. You know, you were, like, sending a message. But back then, you were like, this is all I have. She hugged me.

[C]

I got a hug.

[A]

The United Professional Masters of Dancing of America say that hugging must go. Too many dancers are saying people aren't.

[C]

Taking waltzing seriously enough.

[B]

Yeah, it's huge. It's highly important.

[C]

They're using it to grow.

[B]

Although, let's be honest, if. Yeah, that. Honestly, it is just a way to. If you were dancing and you saw there's something Guy just hugging people like. Hey, Andy. Andy. Figure out another time to do that part. Hello.

[C]

Yeah, it's just.

[B]

Okay, keep. Yeah, keep your feet moving too. This is a waltz. All right. Andy. Andy.

[A]

I'm waltzing.

[B]

Get the tasers.

[A]

You must now waltz at arm's length.

[B]

Oh, now, see?

[C]

Now it's ruined middle school dance all over again.

[B]

Holy spirit room.

[A]

New York dispatches contain the announcement that no one is to be admitted to a class unless he promises to conform to the ruling.

[B]

Break it.

[C]

I promise I won't hug anyone.

[B]

And that's right. Yeah, I'm not.

[A]

I'm not gonna hug.

[B]

You're not allowed to come back in here. You've said that for the last three weeks.

[A]

I'm not gonna hug this time.

[B]

No, we're done. Nope. Nope. Do the box. Step out of here. Get away. No. Well, show me. What?

[A]

No, I won't be hugging That's a.

[B]

Really weird thing to prove.

[A]

Come here.

[B]

No. Can't come close to you for not a hug.

[A]

Yeah, that's how I want to show you. I can't do it.

[B]

Get the tasers.

[A]

If that ruling were to hold Good. In the language of moody, it would be nearly hell. But it won't hold.

[B]

Who is Moody? I don't know. It's just some guy was like, fine. It. I don't even want to try.

[A]

Might as well try to force people to eat food without salt.

[B]

What the Is happening?

[A]

I thought that. I thought that the waltz was a little bit distant from each other.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's, like, kind of hand on, like, wasty, you know? But there's.

[A]

But there's. You know, there's gonna be people that are like, yeah. Again, people just watch. If you're. If you're in a society that you can't go near the other sex, then you're gonna try to do it wherever you can.

[B]

Yes. So there's just. Just un. Like, you're touching. You know, you're touching a little.

[A]

So you're like, we should get this closer together.

[B]

May I hug? May I come in for a hug?

[A]

Also, there's tons of people that are marriages that don't want to be in their marriages, and so they should go to a dance class and be able to. Right?

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

Listen to me.

[B]

Cheating.

[A]

This is amazing. The minor's 10 Commandments.

[B]

M I N E R S people.

[C]

Little kid.

[A]

That's a fair question, though.

[C]

Don't us us stop.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. Please help. Health care. Less coal. Can we do it above ground? It's pretty scary down here.

[A]

Thou shall not slumber late in the morning, but shall rise ear it is day, and break thy fast. For the goeth late to the mine getteth no candles. Causing the transgressor to grope in darkness and the shift boss to indulge in profanity.

[B]

That is, and I'm not kidding, one of the craziest things I've ever heard. What in the. So get up early. If you don't, you won't get your mind candles, and then you're just gonna be groping around and getting yelled at.

[C]

How did you understand that? I heard.

[A]

Right. I didn't either.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Whatever.

[B]

I'm.

[C]

I'm really drunk right now, you guys.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Gems.

[B]

No, I don't know. I. I don't know, but it does sound.

[C]

Understood that immediately.

[B]

I mean, the key terms of the dark groping I think the papers sort of conditioned me. I've been groomed by this periodical.

[A]

Thou shalt not take up thy position in the center of the cage when descending or ascending the shaft. Neither shalt thou.

[B]

That holds. That holds in or outside of a mind.

[A]

This is neither shout sexual article.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of. Tell me how to grip the shift.

[C]

Slowly in time from the death.

[B]

Before finishing. Take a break. Make sure everyone's satisfied.

[A]

Thou shalt thou appropriate in thy person more room than the law allows for thou are but. But of little consequences among the whole cage load of men, no matter what thou thinkest to the contrary.

[C]

And I'm talking about Stephen.

[B]

You Stephen, you weird center standing pervert. But I. But they're saying if. If it's just you and another person, don't stand in the middle. Which I know from elevator etiquette. When it's like, sometimes you'll get on an elevator and someone will stay standing in the middle. And you're like, dude, could. Can you just. Can we got a lot of room here. Or. Have you ever had this where you're sitting on a plane, someone sits middle. Your window. And then no one sits aisle. And that person's like, I'll stay middle. And you're like, what are you doing?

[C]

You could read him this command.

[B]

Yeah, I would be like, I have a paper to give you. No, not the waltig thing. But I will hug you if that's okay. When I feel it's that time. I'm a big hiker. I'll have the tamale.

[A]

Thou shalt not hesitate on the station. Or smoke thy pipe and talk politics with the pump man. For verily, the ship boss might suddenly appear, and heaven help thee if he findeth the chutes empty. So he can't.

[B]

No, he can't smoke or talk.

[A]

He can't smoke and talk.

[B]

Can't smoke or talk politics.

[C]

One guy for sure.

[B]

The worst guy.

[C]

They're just like, no one shall do this.

[B]

You know, I like that Ron Paul. Anyone want to go in the shaft elevator with me? I'm gonna sit in the middle. Huh? Anyone? I got a candle. I'll blow it out to grope.

[A]

I love that. Some mind boss thought this is how he could get through to them.

[B]

Yeah, the mind boss is like, don't talk politics. You might awake and realize we're screwing you so hard.

[A]

Thou shalt shall not waste with the ore. Oh, sorry. Thou shalt not mix waste with the ore. Neither shalt thou mix ore with the waste, though. Nor thy partner, nor the mucker within thy drift. For surely as thou dost these things, the mine will stop paying dividends and thy name will be mud over the length and breadth of the map.

[C]

Going to need to translate from that.

[B]

Don't shit in the bucket. That's meant for the ore. Yeah.

[A]

Don't put dirt and other shit rocks in the or.

[B]

You know what I like about this and I'm air quoting article, is that if you really wanted to get across the rules of a mine, you could do that. But this guy was like, I'll put it through the biblical filter and make it super annoying and complicated to understand whatever I'm saying. Egg.

[A]

Yeah, it's really.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna love this one.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Thou shalt not eat onions when going on shift.

[B]

That's a rule for all the time, everywhere.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Does anyone want some more? Does anyone want to try some onions? I.

[A]

Before every shift, I eat an onion.

[B]

Like an apple just blows out the candle. Someone's touching my crotch.

[A]

Even though they can be cheap as real estate in Clifton unless thy partner participated. Likewise. For that bulbous root exciteth bad feelings in the heart of the total abstainer and causes the interior of a mind to be an unpleasant place. I. I agree with very much about one guy.

[B]

I agree. I agree. Carmen is right. 100 you.

[A]

It's some mind. You can eat an onion and go into a mine. This is insane.

[B]

I hate to keep relating it to planes, but it's like when the person walks on with a euro or something and you're like, what, now we all gotta live in lamb onion land because of you. Like, if there's some guy just down in the mine crushing onions all day. That's good. You guys want onions? What did you guys bring for lunch? I think I'm gonna do a bunch of onions again.

[A]

Thou shalt not address the boss by his Christian name. Neither shalt thou contradict him when thou knowest that he is lying. But what? Thou shalt meekly say yes or no to all that he suggests. And laugh when he laughs. And keep on laughing when he relateth a story, even though it be older than thy grandmother. So. So they're making fun now, are they making. So is this making fun of the rules? Is this making fun of.

[C]

You guys have to laugh at my stories. Okay.

[B]

And laugh at my stories.

[A]

I think they're making fun.

[B]

Okay, that makes more sense. I just. It's 1906 sarcasm. Very difficult to pick up on.

[A]

Thou shalt not have an option concerning thy place of Work for thy employer payeth a fat salary to a school of mines expert for constructing in his mind bonanzas that don't exist. So thou shalt refrain from theorizing and concentrate that efforts on drilling and blasting an abundance of powder. H. So now they're saying, don't try.

[B]

To fight for anything. It's futile.

[A]

No, they're saying. They're. They're basically. They're basically talking about, like, McKenzie guys coming in and taking all the money.

[B]

Oh, the brain, the think tanks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many more commandments on this?

[A]

I'll just go to the last one. Thou shalt work and break, or every day, the Sabbath included. For verily the board of directors aforementioned hath assumed the prerogatives of the Almighty. And if thou refuseth to toil as they dictate, thou and thy dog and all that thou possesseth. Possesseth.

[B]

Having a lisp during biblical times must have been difficult. Now that I'm thinking about it, we'll.

[A]

Be hitting the trail for tonopah. Okay, so, yeah, that was about talking shit about the mind guys.

[B]

Okay, yeah.

[C]

Sketch. That was their, Like, I believe they.

[B]

Were doing a little sketch comedy there. Yeah. But honestly, I really. You cannot tell what is sass and what is fact. Yeah, that happens a lot, I think, in these old papers where you are kind of like, what? And the person's like, I'm having some fun. And you're like, you just wrote, like, a hell article.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And being silly.

[A]

Lincoln county girls are practical.

[B]

Oh, this is not going to be good.

[A]

No. The Load Express says a caliente young lady was being criticized for marrying a man well up in middle age instead of a youth.

[B]

Wait, I'm going to need to know the woman's age at some point.

[C]

Is she old or is he old?

[B]

He's old.

[C]

Old Tail as old as time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. She likes.

[C]

So wait, she's getting on for.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

As it should be. She's the adult. What is she doing? Leave this poor old man alone. Oh, Dick, you're gonna use him up. It's a Belichick situation, maybe.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or a Clint.

[A]

The young woman said, quote, my observations have been that it is better to be hitched up with an old horse that knows how to pull the load.

[B]

That'd be great if he was overhearing this. Honey, what are you talking about? What you say? I'd rather an old dying cult, an.

[A]

Old horse that knows how to pull the load with a fool, than with a fool cult that can't do anything but prance. And kick and want to run away. Okay. Is that about.

[B]

Well, honestly.

[C]

She said that?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Those are some bars right there.

[B]

Pretty good. Honestly, I can't really argue with her there. I mean, as a per. As a person who's gotten older. Very true. So much easier to break me now. Way more breakable now.

[C]

Just.

[B]

Yeah, okay, fine. We can go over there instead of, like. Nah, I'm not looking to get locked down. I'll be like, that sounds good. My stuff's there.

[A]

Pins man's hand to timber.

[B]

Excuse me, are you.

[A]

Pins man's hand to timber.

[B]

Are you reading or talking?

[A]

Jerry Reese, a miner at the Brunswick, was accidentally injured Saturday afternoon by a fellow workman who drove a candlestick through his left thumb. Okay.

[B]

Accident.

[A]

I have some questions.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How. It's time for dinner.

[B]

Candlestick.

[A]

Maybe a candlestick is some sort of thing that just holds up the candle in the mine. You know, like.

[B]

Must be. Let's have a look.

[C]

Oh, are we still.

[A]

Accident happened. What?

[B]

Yeah, this guy's a minor.

[A]

Yeah. The accident happened underground. Reese placed his hand against a timber. At the same instant, the other turned to drive his candlestick in it. All right, so it's some sort of.

[B]

I don't know know.

[A]

It's some sort of.

[B]

Must have been.

[A]

Mining tool.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Maybe it's not a literal candlestick.

[B]

I'll be. I'm on the case here.

[A]

Pretty thin round blade showing.

[B]

Oh, okay. It is. Yes, it is a. It could be quite stabby. It's. You would put it in the. Like in the wall. In the rock wall. And then. So it would jam in there. Like, it's got a sharpened point. And then you would place your candle that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So this guy put the stabby part through his pal's hand.

[A]

That happens?

[B]

It sure does.

[A]

The thin, round blade passed through the bone.

[B]

And as a doctor from that era, you don't want it going through the bone.

[A]

Well, we gotta take off the left side.

[B]

Well, we gotta kill you.

[A]

The whole body's gone. Pin the thund to the. Pinned the thumb to the tinder. Reese, a nervy fellow, withdrew the candlestick himself.

[B]

A nervy fellow. I thought you said nerd anxiety.

[A]

Is he. No. Are they saying it the other way?

[B]

Oh, no, you're right. Yeah. He probably has grit.

[A]

Yeah, he's got grit.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He was like, I don't. I'm dead inside. I'll yank it out.

[A]

He was also like. He was also like, take the thing out. And the other guy's like, I don't know. And then he just ripped it out himself.

[B]

Yeah. Die of trauma. Come here.

[A]

Edwin Stevens of Washington says that this. All the cities of the earth will be destroyed by earthquakes in 1982.

[C]

Oh, we've moved on from the thumb.

[A]

Yeah, we moved on.

[B]

Yeah. That's. That's over. That's past, obviously. Yeah, we did that. Did. Yeah. I know. I'm a little squeamish still. But I do like this guy just predicted that all cities will be gone from earthquakes in 1982. Okay. Which again, if you're in 1906, predictions is. Are just great. If you're not going to live to see that them. You know, you're just.

[A]

There's a 73 in El Salvador that year.

[B]

There's a 7.3 in El Salvador that year.

[A]

Yemen had a really big one. Afghanistan had a really big one. So. He sounds like he nailed it. There were eight. Seven to seven, nine earthquakes. Eight. Lucky we're still here.

[B]

I don't know. I can't tell. I'm just nodding.

[A]

The only worry this causes us is aroused by the fear that the graceful contour of our grays graves may be marred.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

This is like. He's like. Like a Joe Rogan of the time.

[B]

Yeah, Very. Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jamie, what do you think? Actually, I don't think any of that's gonna happen, Joe. I choose to believe.

[A]

Do you think Jamie will ever be like.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

Shut the up.

[B]

Would be great. Your fact checker just jumps off the balcony. Jamie, will you. Where's. Jesus Christ, this window's open. Jamie.

[A]

Keeps him guessing. Politicians are wondering just what vote the socialist will be able to poll in Nevada this year. Remember the days when there were socialists?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Several thousand members of the party are believed to have been. Have come here from Colorado and elsewhere during the past two years. And their course will have an important bearing on the state politics. Two years ago, the socialist and union labor vote practically controlled the. In the situation in Nye and Esmeralda.

[B]

Counties, it's always fleeting. Anytime unions have power or any of that, they're just. The evil is.

[A]

Well, they take. They take them out. Like they're really good at destroying them.

[B]

And that is what makes America great again. We've been great the whole time.

[A]

I heard Brooklyn horn.

[B]

I did hear a Brooklyn horn too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You hear a horn in the background.

[A]

You see, you're so used to it, you don't even notice.

[B]

We don't. We're not allowed to honk in Los Angeles. We notice. Yeah.

[C]

Just smooth.

[B]

We're a gracious people.

[A]

Oh, last one. Yeah.

[B]

All right, here it is. Here it is, Carmen. Big finish. Lock in, everybody. Last one. Come on. Finish strong.

[C]

Ready?

[B]

Let's show these listeners who's boss.

[A]

This is amazing. This is an Oklahoma girl jerked her head back suddenly to keep from being kissed and dislocated her neck.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, wow. Been there. If it was in the paper, though.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, imagine the level of recoil to have a spinal injury like that. Not to make the man the victim, because obviously he's pushing, but to find out that you were rejected so hard that a woman has like, spinal trauma, like. Cuz it is like I. It's like you've seen it the. The. I mean, I've seen in the movies the guy who's like, come on, try like the Pepe Le Pew. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She very well could have been faking it just so he would stop.

[A]

And he didn't.

[B]

And he still was like, in the hospital. He's got flowers.

[A]

He still didn't get the clues.

[B]

How's your neck? Oh, no. Hello.

[A]

I think she's into me.

[B]

Yeah, she's playing those games. It's a classic. Cat and mouse.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Cat try to kiss mouse. Fake spinal injury. Cat goes, visits her in the hospital, keeps trying to kiss her. Doctors intervene, pull cat back.

[A]

So there's only two sentences to this article. You guys ready for the next one? I think common, I think you'll especially appreciate this at such critical times. Dear girls, it is always safer to stand up and take your medicine.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

What was she wearing?

[B]

What the.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Well, finally we know the gender of the author. Wow. What a horrible wow. Christy, this is why you can't reject men, women, Your back will hurt, so just take your medicine. Well, Carmen, thank you for being on the show and taking your 1906 six paper medicine as we all just have. We appreciate it. People should go watch sweet batch on YouTube. I hear you're commenting back to everybody, which we think is really nice. That's awesome.

[C]

How do people find out about that? Oh, yeah, they've all been nice comments, but I do it on Instagram. The mean ones. I just.

[B]

Do you really like?

[C]

Yeah, I think of it as like a fun activity. You know, I'm on the train a lot. I'm, you know.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. When you're bored and not, not. Not do anything. Why not just respond to people? That's how I feel.

[B]

I don't do it. I won't do it.

[A]

The mean ones. Are you getting a lot of misogynistic ones?

[C]

Not on the. Not on YouTube. So if someone wants to listen and fight. Simon. Yeah, not on YouTube, just on Instagram.

[B]

You're inviting it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well. And remember, if someone writes a mean comment on your video and you attack them with a better line, the fellas just need to take their medicine and shut the up. Just take your medicine. Take your medicine. Is so up. Well, Carmen, thank you so much for joining us.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[B]

We appreciate it. Yeah, you're great. So come back whenever we're doing another one if you want to. No, I'm just kidding. But it'd be great if someone else came in now and was like, oh, excuse me. Oh, sorry, Carmen. Maybe nothing.

[C]

Somebody else's episode for two seconds.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[C]

Stay tuned for the next episode of this Confused.

[B]

Another walk in of rejected walking.

[C]

Some of these days.

[B]

You'Ll miss me, honey.

[C]

Some of these days.

[B]

Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube, you can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the rube. It. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it.

[A]

It.

[B]

And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.