145 - The Past Times with Nate Craig

Summary

The Dollop – Episode 145: The Past Times with Nate Craig

Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Host: All Things Comedy
Date: October 3, 2025
Guest: Nate Craig
Episode Theme:
Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, joined by fellow comic Nate Craig, riff through odd and hilarious stories from a random 1910 Florida newspaper. Expect tangents, historical confusion, and plenty of improv as they poke fun at the absurdities of the past (and the present) with Nate’s signature Midwestern flair.

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Main Theme Overview

This episode features the hosts and guest comedian Nate Craig diving into a random historical newspaper from October 14, 1910 (Stark, Florida—The Bradford Telegraph). They playfully explore American history through the lens of wild headlines, peculiar news stories, and improv sketches, riffing on everything from drunken haunted houses to extravagant jewel thieves and party-crashing burglars.

The trio uses a mix of real historical snippets and contemporary comedic banter, reflecting on the social norms and absurdities of both 1910 and today.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions and Football Banter [00:04–03:03]

• Nate jokes about having wiped his historical memory clean for the show.
• The group hams it up over Midwest football, Bears nostalgia, and the infamous 1985 Bears' "Super Bowl Shuffle".
  • Quote:
    "They cannot stop at this point... They're honoring the Rex Grossman defense, the Kyle Orton era." – Nate Craig [01:44]
• Dave plugs Nate’s comedy special "Married to It" (out on YouTube and, jokingly, OnlyFans).

2. Guessing the Year & ‘A Wicked Country’ (Alaska) [05:06–12:13]

• The hosts and guest attempt to guess the newspaper’s year; Nate wins by overshooting the actual year (1910).
• They dissect a headline about a missionary horrified by Alaska's lifestyle.
  • Satire on missionaries “saving” remote populaces and the colonial mindset (“They always do this because they just want to get in there with the religion.” – Gareth [08:15]).
  • Confusion and jokes about Alaska’s status before statehood: “We owe you nothing, but we’re taking everything.” – Nate Craig [09:39]

3. Mining, Masculinity, and Lawlessness [12:10–13:28]

• They riff on the wild, male-dominated mining camps of Alaska.
• Toxic masculinity, Lord of the Flies references, and the dangers of the frontier.
  • “Anywhere where you quarter like 40 men is gonna be pretty bad after like two months. Everything’s Lord of the Flies eventually.” – Dave Anthony [13:15]

4. Jewel Thieves’ High Life [13:37–19:03]

• A sensational story of two robbers living large after stealing $50,000 in jewels—spending $75 an hour in 1910 ($2,500 in today’s money).
• The story devolves into jokes about blowing stolen fortunes and the logistics of criminal getaways.
  • “They pay for eggs Benedict with emeralds.” – Nate Craig [18:54]
  • The group agrees: any mine owner deserves to be robbed.

5. Wisconsin, Beer, and Employee-Owned Companies [20:12–22:28]

• Nate and Gareth praise Wisconsin businesses like New Glarus (Spotted Cow beer) with enthusiasm, contrasting employee-owned breweries with “mining baron” mentalities.
  • Extended playful regional trash-talk about cheese curds and Midwest culture:
    • “How do you stay warm in those colder months?” – Dave [22:12]
    • “We survive when alcohol’s for lunch... Technicality.” – Nate [21:57]
• “You’re like number one in alcoholics.” – Dave [21:51]

6. The Haunted House Mystery [23:23–32:42]

• A report from New Jersey about “queer doings” (i.e., unexplained happenings) in a wealthy farmer’s home.
• The trio embarks on an improvised police investigation, lampooning weak hauntings (e.g., spilled canned goods, boots in the cistern) and drunken misadventures mistaken for supernatural.
  • “Some of my cans were spilled. My boots had been tossed. Some of the clothes have been cut. The Bible was—awful, terrifying...” – Dave [27:01]
  • “Always drinking, always in the barn... It’s funny that you mention hauntings occur during extreme alcohol ingestion.” – Dave [28:51]
• It culminates with a relative being arrested for the ‘hauntings’—and jokes about the real culprit being right under their noses (a la Parasite).

7. Japanese Public Speaking & Social Customs [32:51–35:57]

• A Japanese visitor questions why Americans give speeches after dinner, preferring a nap instead.
  • “We Japanese rest after our meals. It is much better.” – Japanese visitor [33:08]
• The visitor suggests Americans crave post-dinner speech time because “the American man never had a chance to say anything at home.”
  • “My wife won’t let me get a word in.” – Dave [35:20]
  • “He brought the ruckus right there.” – Nate [35:39]

8. Early Aviation Mishaps [36:05–39:53]

• A Western aviator plunges 800 feet into New York Bay, lives, and becomes the original “Sully Sullenberger.”
  • “He saved his own life.” – Gareth [37:22]
• High skepticism on the safety, horsepower, and believability of early flight.

9. Burglars’ ‘Storybook’ Staycation [40:25–44:45]

• Two thieves live lavishly in a Brooklyn man’s home for a week, using every dish, leaving their own booze, and walking out in the man’s wedding wardrobe.
  • “Every dish in the cupboard had been used. There was ice in the refrigerator, showing that the men had taken proper care of the beers and wines.” – Dave [44:45]
• Long, slow robbery is treated as a humiliating prank and party.
  • “This is about humiliation, you know?” – Nate [44:07]

10. Fish Fry Party and Absurd Social Reporting [47:27–54:50]

• An article celebrates the joys of being invited to a lively community fish fry, with tongue-in-cheek commentary on the reporter’s excitement, unnecessary details, and the absurdity of local news fluff.
  • “I speak from experience when I say going to an event is pretty frickin cool.” – Gareth [49:39]
• The group lampoons small-town pride and elaborate party recaps.

11. Scottish Superstitions and Closing Reflections [55:20–57:06]

• A Scottish superstition: bringing hawthorn flowers into a house will cause a death.
• Improv: Melodramatic Scottish reactions (“Why would you bring this into my home? No one will live!” – Dave [56:45]).
• Closing jokes about the absurdity of old world beliefs.

12. Modern Parallels and Media Critique [57:27–58:07]

• Brief discussion of contemporary media, Fox News, and AM radio’s zombifying effects—a nod to how little society changes.
  • “AM radio did more… the heavy lifting. AM radio has zombified so many people in their cars over the years.” – Nate [57:33]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They’re retiring the NFC championship flag. I mean, it’s like, come on, guys.” – Nate Craig [01:51]
• “We owe you nothing, but we’re taking everything.” – Nate [09:39] (re: Alaska as US territory)
• “They pay for eggs Benedict with emeralds.” – Nate [18:54]
• “How do you stay warm in those colder months?” – Dave [22:12]
• “Always drinking, always in the barn... funny that you mentioned hauntings occur during extreme alcohol ingestion.” – Dave [28:51]
• “We Japanese rest after our meals. It is much better.” – Newspaper (Japanese visitor) [33:08]
• “Every portable article of value in the apartment had been taken… including Mr. Morris's wedding wardrobe.” – Dave [44:44]
• “I speak from experience when I say going to an event is pretty frickin cool.” – Gareth [49:39]
• “Why would you bring this into my home? No one will live!” – Dave [56:45]
• “AM radio did more… zombified so many people in their cars.” – Nate [57:33]

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Important Timestamps

• Guess the Year and Opening Banter: [05:06–06:56]
• Missionary Appalled by Alaska: [08:07–13:28]
• Robbing the Mine Baron: [13:37–19:41]
• Beer, Cheese Curds, and Wisconsin vs. Minnesota: [20:12–22:28]
• Haunted House Mystery Sketch: [23:23–32:42]
• Japanese Public Speaking and After-Dinner Speeches: [32:51–35:57]
• Early Aviation Mishap: [36:05–39:53]
• Burglars’ Staycation: [40:25–44:45]
• Absurd Fish Fry Article Sketch: [47:27–54:50]
• Scottish Superstition Bit: [55:20–57:06]
• Modern Media/AM Radio Commentary: [57:27–58:07]

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced and irreverent, blending genuine historical curiosity with anarchic, improvisational comedy. Jokes fly about regional pride, American excess, and the universal stupidity of both past and present. The hosts constantly tease each other, and Nate’s guest energy enhances the chaos, especially during the long-form sketch riffs.

For listeners, it’s an episode defined by wild tangents, whip-smart banter, and off-the-rails storytelling—a showcase of The Dollop at its most uninhibited and fun.

Transcript

[A]

All right, everybody. Welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week, we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week, Nate Craig. Hello, Nate.

[B]

Hello. Thank you very much.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I've kept myself oblivious to any and all previous current events for this episode, and thank you for having me.

[A]

Sorry, just to be clear, you mean you've ignored history in totality for this show?

[B]

100% clean slate. Let's go.

[A]

You don't know anything that's ever happened. Just.

[B]

I'm an absolute bird brain. Fire away.

[A]

Well, first, it's not a quiz show. Do you know what the show is? I just want to be. You've done it before. I don't know if you have stricken that from the memory as well.

[B]

NFC Central season preview. Let's go. Happy to be here. Go Packers.

[A]

Hey, let's. Let's not. Let's not dip too hard into the north because. Oh, baby.

[B]

Oh, baby. I've been talking bear fans off a cliff.

[A]

Well, that game was crazy for that. A lot of fun I finally made. I was like, I feel bad for you guys. That was terrible.

[C]

That was the. That was the shortest false dawn that I think anyone's ever experienced in football.

[B]

Oh, man, they were dancing. They all had. Everywhere. By the end first quarter, everybody in the stadium had Ditka sweaters on and.

[A]

Yeah, well, they also. They did a ring of honor before the game again, where it's like, stop honoring the 85 bears, you fool.

[B]

Dude, they cannot stop at this point.

[A]

They're.

[B]

They're. They're. They're honoring the Rex Grossman defense, the Kyle.

[A]

The Kyle Orton era.

[B]

They're retiring the NFC championship flag. I mean, it's like, come on, guys.

[C]

My. My son. My son goes, do you remember the 85 bears? I go, yeah, of course. And he goes, old loser.

[B]

Well, you. If you really want to blow his mind, show him the super bowl shuffle. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God. I forgot about that.

[B]

That'll. Hey, that will be. I mean, the. I think that qualifies as cringe. I think that would be. Yeah, I believe you're right. Back then, it was. I mean, I think it went platinum.

[A]

Oh, huge.

[C]

It was huge.

[B]

Yeah. They were like, what? The football players are doing a rap.

[A]

Song, the early rap. You're always like, I could definitely do this. It's like, eventually it started to pick up, and you're like, oh, okay. There's a lot going on Here. But for a while, it's just. I mean, the easiest thing. Even the Bears.

[B]

Yeah, If Jimmy can't do it, I sure can. I mean, dude, they really leaned into that one, and it blew everybody's mind. It blew everybody's mind.

[A]

Speaking of mind blowing, Nate, your new special, Married to It is out on YouTube. Where's the best place for people to go get it? Just search Nate Craig.

[B]

Yeah, Nate Craig. That's just my YouTube channel. And then of course, you can pay for it on Patreon and only fans if you'd like to.

[A]

So if people want to see you do it with your anus spread, they can go to your only fans.

[B]

Other than that, they can.

[A]

Second.

[B]

Second show. Way different than the first show.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta do that. And you did it at the mgm.

[B]

Shot it in Vegas. First show indoors, second show outdoors.

[A]

I just feel like from an editing standpoint. A mistake. Editing wise or. No, you stand by that decision?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's, you know, it's just. Just, you know, you just gotta. You just got to edit in the ping pong balls for the first show, and then otherwise you're good. Mm.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

The juxtaposition says everything about modern society. It's really just a commentary on the divide and.

[A]

All right, okay, sure. All right, let's not do that.

[B]

Look here, buddy, I'm telling you where to buy my special, okay? Just because you don't like the directions. Okay, Go get. Go get MapQuest. Go get Skip Bronger back in here. Let him. Let him dial up. Let him Google search my special.

[A]

Stop. That's an off camera thing. We're not going to talk about when you walked in on us doing another.

[B]

We're not going to talk about how you treat your guests, how you cheat on your guests with that whole Matt Bronger and this indie movie.

[C]

I wanted to know. We like. We do this thing where we want the next guest to know their place.

[A]

Well, we like to get in their head. We really like mind games.

[B]

Yeah. Come on. At 11:45. Oh, pants down. Didn't you get the message?

[A]

He means nothing to us. Well, Nate, you've been on the show before, so you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go through. Through a newspaper you thankfully have had a blind spot for history just in preparation, which is appreciated. Unnecessary, but appreciated. So we're going to guess what year this paper's from. Nate, you don't. There's no. There's no clue. No hints.

[B]

No hints.

[A]

It's just Old. So you start. Yeah, go ahead. When you.

[B]

When you thinking, other than the names of the. The perpetrators. Those. Those are always those. I remember that helped us last time, but, yes, fire away. We'll see what we can do.

[A]

Well, you're just going to take a shot in the dark. Guess that's how we're doing it.

[C]

Okay, I can give you the first headline. The first headline is a wicked country. A wicked country.

[B]

Ooh. Oh, boy. Wow. Okay, okay, okay. That's talking about somebody other than America. And I am going to say that this is about Germany. This is world War. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm playing with a dish rag. This is. I'm saying, this is.

[A]

What are you doing with a dish rag?

[B]

This is. This is none of your business. I'm cleaning up. You clean up. You clean up. How you clean up?

[C]

Are you wiping? Are you wiping down right now?

[B]

My kid did wake up in a. A bag of his own shit this morning. So the. Yes. To be honest with you, still, he finally didn't.

[C]

He finally didn't wake up in a bag of your shit. So let's just call this progress a shit bag.

[B]

Yes. Just a couple of us over here. I'm gonna say It's. This is 1944.

[A]

I like it. I like. I like what you're doing there. I really do. I'm gonna go 1906. I think it's about America.

[C]

Oh, so close. Nate wins. It is 1910, but.

[B]

All right. You heard him. I won.

[C]

You were on. You were under.

[A]

But that's gotta go over. Or even Price is Right rules, which we don't play with, say that I.

[C]

We're doing the opposite of pr.

[A]

I believe I would be winning both showcases.

[C]

I said that ahead of time. That we were doing the opposite.

[A]

You didn't say anything of the sort.

[B]

You guessed higher, higher wins.

[A]

No, it doesn't.

[C]

Nate.

[A]

That's not. Higher wins.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

You are such a baby. The rules were explained. Our guest won.

[A]

You're a baby.

[B]

Man, man, man.

[C]

Sorry about Nate. I'm sorry, Nate. I'm sorry.

[B]

You know what? This is why the podcast is successful, because you guys can't agree on anything. And you invented. You invented bizarro Price is Right rules, which benefit me this time and that I didn't. I didn't write the rules.

[A]

No, that's right. We do have a first take energy.

[B]

Who's it talking about? Well, who's the evil?

[A]

It's America.

[C]

Well, hold on. It's October 14, 1910. Stark, Florida. The Bradford Telegraph.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Everybody excited about that?

[A]

No.

[C]

A wicked country.

[A]

Do you want us to be honest?

[C]

No, you should be a wicked country. Missionary appalled by the conditions existing in Alaska.

[B]

Alaska.

[C]

See, they. Yeah, but they're always. They always do this because they're. They just want to get in there with the religion. But, you know, they'll say, look out. Look how the savages are living. That kind of.

[B]

Yeah, the savages. Yeah. This was. This was written by an oil company. Yeah. Yeah. So. So wait a second. So. So it's. It's not a. It's not a. A country. An actual country. It's the proverbial country.

[C]

I don't know if. Is Alaska part of America yet? I don't.

[A]

Probably not part of America, but what was it prior to that? Was it a country?

[C]

No, I think it was just like a back. Back patch kind of thing.

[B]

Literally. Yeah, just a hua country. Just a frigid hua where you kept warm.

[A]

I went there not too long ago, and it's a great country.

[C]

Was not a State until 1959. So until then, just some backwater place that really.

[B]

What was it not part of?

[C]

Canada, I think. It was part of Canada, I think. Or Russia.

[A]

Russia.

[C]

It became a terror. It became a US territory in the 1890s.

[A]

Oh, so it was a territory. So what do we kind of Puerto Rico it. A little bit?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

We owe you in the waiting room.

[B]

We owe you nothing, but we're taking everything.

[A]

Yeah, Especially.

[B]

Especially if you're savages and.

[A]

Yeah, especially if we review you as unrefined. We will have your land and your substances.

[C]

Okay. Okay. It became an incorporated, organized territory in 1912.

[A]

So we're not a company.

[C]

So then before then, it was just a spot. I don't know. A part of Canada maybe. I don't know what. It was just. Just. Just Alaska. It was just Alaska. I don't think they ever should have been free. I don't think they ever should have been free, though. They haven't shown that kind of.

[A]

We're recording this. This is being recorded on Riverside.

[C]

They haven'.

[B]

That you want to be your own. Build one pier. Build one pier and we'll think about it.

[C]

In all my travels since I started in my missionary work in 1871, covering more than 150,000 miles, this was my saddest trip. I never saw.

[A]

This is like how YouTubers start their videos. This is definitely like. This feels like the. The opening.

[C]

I never saw as much wickedness in all my life as I did in the Northerly cities and mining camps. Yeah. Alaska was a nightmare of dudes who had all gone up there and it's just a terrible place. Yeah, it's horrible. It's like we were just. Every dude in the. In the fucking States like I'm going to make money. I'm going to Alaska. And then it was just cities of dudes.

[B]

Hot. Yeah. I'm thinking about Bible study From noon till 3 if anybody wants to. Nobody showed.

[C]

No, Nobody.

[B]

Nobody to them. To the makeshift prayer shelter.

[C]

They're going to be tits. No, it's a Bible study I haven't.

[B]

Seen in two years.

[C]

It's still three.

[B]

That's when I stick it in a yak.

[A]

He's looking at his schedule. Unfortunately I'll be yak banging Noon to like noon to 1:30.

[C]

This statement was made by J. Logan sample, Presbyterian missionary, 77 years old, who has just returned from a year's visit among mining camps of Alaska and is en route to his home in Pittsburgh.

[B]

Oh, really, really late in life to rethink your. Your faith.

[A]

77 would be like, oops, that's not.

[B]

The time to make that trip. You gotta make that when you're. When you're 27. This is last name Sample.

[C]

Sample. Yeah. Sample. Yeah. Sample.

[B]

Yeah, he's up there taking samples.

[C]

The mining. Mining camps were like one of the worst places ever. Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's just not good.

[A]

No, that was like. Yeah. You want to see real toxic masculinity, dude? I do a mining camp.

[B]

I think like. I think those like those like operational, you know, like oil company quadrants are still pretty lawless. Like there's no. Yeah, they have. I think anywhere where you.

[A]

Anywhere where you quarter like 40 men is gonna be pretty bad after like two months. It'll be it. Everything's Lord of the Flies eventually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's exciting.

[B]

He's lucky. He's lucky he lived to tell about it, honestly. Monsignor sample.

[C]

Monsignor spent $75 an hour. A tale of extravagant living was told to the police by Cesario Munoz, who with Alfonso Garcia is under arrest in San Francisco. Charged with robbing JM Sumaga, a millionaire Mayan owner of the city of Mexico of $50,000 in jewels and 2,000 in cash.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Great.

[C]

That's a lot of money back then.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Jewels and you're.

[A]

Jules is great.

[C]

You're supposed to like. If you're a robber and you get a big score, you're supposed to live extravagantly. That's the whole. You're not going to be like, well.

[A]

This is before Goodfellas. We didn't know you're supposed to hide it.

[B]

Yeah. Wait a second. So these guys. Does it say where in Mexico? Like, how. How. That's a. That could be a.

[C]

It just says Mexico City. It doesn't say where.

[B]

Oh, Mexico City. Okay. And they made it all the way to San Francisco with. With 60, 70k and jewels in this and this. This mining barons property. Yeah, that's good.

[C]

Yeah, that's a.

[B]

That's a movie right there. Just a chase alone. I mean, they could see each other, you know, it's like. What? What? It's like. It's like one wagon and then 200 yards ahead, it's like there's. There they go. It's like. It's like narcos. But, like.

[A]

Well, you definitely. You definitely have that moment where you're like, we're gonna need to drop some weight if we're gonna make it. Well, what do you reckon? We should throw some of the jewels out. I ain't looking at the jewels.

[B]

Right, Right. They started out, there were six of them.

[A]

Yeah. Now, hold on. You're gonna need me. I don't need you as much as I need those gold nuggets, dude.

[B]

And they make it all the way to San Francisco also. Side note, great place to show up was 60k in whatever year that was, I'm sure.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. That was the place to go. Yeah. Yeah. Munoz says, then Garcia proposed that they set about spending the money without delay. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Smart.

[C]

Let's go. This guy's go. Now it's time for crystal. Like, let's. We're going crazy.

[B]

What do you think the most. What year is this again?

[C]

This is 1910.

[B]

Still. Still 19. Sorry. Wow. What. What do you think the most expensive 75 bucks. What cost 75 bucks an hour in 1910? Holy. A prostitute.

[C]

No. Right?

[B]

Not. Yeah.

[A]

Future sex. Where. I don't know. There's nothing.

[B]

There's nothing you can buy at 75 bucks an hour, then.

[A]

Oh, it's limitless.

[C]

Everything that's a lot of $75 an hour then is crazy.

[A]

They're living, like, dumb. And a dumb and dumber montage.

[B]

A ride in a car, Actually.

[A]

Yeah. I've. Riding a car. Yeah. A bath.

[B]

Yeah. Fresh bath water.

[C]

It's. It's 20. It's 2500 today.

[B]

25.

[C]

It is.

[A]

It is a lot. It's. It's. It's a. Elite. Elite status.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can.

[A]

I don't think I could do it.

[C]

Amunes estimates that during their walking waking hours, they lived at the outrage of 75 an hour. So they're. So they're just spending 75 an hour, which you could do like you could.

[A]

Not when they sleep. He wanted to be very clear that that stops when they're sleeping.

[C]

You don't spend money when you're. If you're spending money when you're asleep, you're doing it wrong.

[B]

It's an average there. They. They got a suite at the Continental and so that. You factor that in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Haven't you guys ever robbed a mine in Mexico City before? Guys, you gotta do that. You gotta do your paperwork. It's gotta be a spreadsheet. If you're gonna burn through 60k in 1910, you factor the sweet money in 24 hours of the day. Your dog agrees with me. Dave, Dave.

[A]

Dave.

[C]

This is why I wanted to record in the studio today.

[A]

Dave, don't.

[B]

I'll come into. We won't bring that up. I'll come into this. We're not inviting a date face to face with Matt. Oh, I bet. I bet Matt Bronger was invited to.

[A]

Stop. Nate, come on. He means nothing to us.

[B]

Dripping.

[A]

We used him as a warm up for this episode.

[B]

Shiny, oiled up. Bronger in the studio.

[A]

No. Good Lord, Nate.

[B]

We're doing this online. Well, well, well. I don't think we are. So they got a sweet at the. At the. At the Continental and they. They got. They got a steady stream of who was. And. And then what? They get caught.

[C]

Oh, okay. Detect it. The detectives recovered $583 in money and a thousand dollars in jewels. So they spent $49,000 in jewels?

[A]

Holy shit.

[C]

So they're just. They're just buying. They're just walking in with a. With a bracelet.

[A]

Honestly.

[B]

They pay for eggs Benedict with emeralds. I think it's safe to say those jewels are in the ground somewhere.

[A]

Yeah. How many emeralds? What's 18 in emeralds of this tab.

[C]

Munoz, they say, has promised to find the remainder of the loot. Oh, yeah, for sure. He's gonna.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah. He's gonna help you out with that. Yeah, no doubt. I also think any mine owner should be robbed, so I'm. Okay, I agree.

[A]

I. That's. It's one of those ones where you just go. Yeah, I don't. It's like when. When people are filming people like robbing a Rite Aid or a CVS and.

[B]

Just like, yeah, let him.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Gives a. Go hog wild. You know, I don't give A. About a cvs.

[B]

You know what? That's. That's. What's that called? When. When people like. Yeah. An ESO employee stock options. Like when you let. When you basically like you have like actually like a good somebody who like built a successful company, but they. They don't really care about the money. They just want to have like, they love all their employees so they open it up and. And pay everybody and like, and then everybody's invested in like of all times to do that. Like you have like a bunch of like valuable land and a mine. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like, hey, dig in, boys. You're part of this. Let's go. That's just not how you run. It's just that. That just doesn't even make sense to a mine. A mining baron.

[A]

No, no. That once you get baron brain, it's over. You're not there. You don't think like that. But that's so true. There are a lot of those. Not to be a homer in Wisconsin. There are so many companies in Wisconsin where they're just like, like, they do that. Where it's like, yeah, you get 2% or something like that new Glaris spotted.

[B]

Yeah. Yep. It's. It seems like a fun way to live forever. Seems like.

[A]

Seems like a cow is. Dave, I do know.

[C]

Everyone knows what spotted cow is.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Wisconsin.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Wow. Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Well.

[A]

All right, hot shot.

[B]

Okay. Hater. All right, buddy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Somebody likes. Somebody likes white. Somebody likes white claws. We get it.

[A]

Hey, why don't you go with Matt Pronger and have you a little fun, huh? The way you treated us earlier, that was.

[B]

Well, well, well.

[C]

It's fine. It's fine. It's a decent year. It's not worth whatever you guys are doing with it. It's a good beer.

[B]

It is actually chocolate sundae. It is actually phenomenal. Yeah, no, it really is. And they have other beers that are just as good, which you don't know about because you don't care. And you turn your head and you buried into the sand. Yeah. Ostrich trying to turn your eggs. Yeah. And whatever you drink to feed your beast. But you don't know because you don't have employee owned breweries in rural Wisconsin that makes sweet cream. Yes, we survive on. And that's why we're the coolest. Yes. Yes, we are.

[C]

You're like number one in alcoholics.

[B]

Because it's so good.

[A]

Because they made dessert beer, you fool.

[B]

That's how. That's how you survive. That's how you survive when, you know, when, when, when, when, when, when, when alcohol's. And for lunch, when you got alcohol for lunch, how do you not have. Well, how are you not an alcoholic? Honestly, it's a technicality.

[A]

I'll be honest. How do you stay warm in those colder months?

[B]

How do you and how do you stand?

[C]

They're not that way in Minnesota because guys did way more than that.

[B]

It's because they got a mining baron running their breweries.

[A]

Nah, they got.

[B]

They don't got the mentality. They don't got the mentality. They don't bring their employees in to make the high quality product, which is a historical quality of Wisconsin businesses.

[A]

Listen a little bit every now and then, Dave, you might learn something.

[B]

Yeah. Why don't you pick this up?

[C]

Cheese curds are fucking gross.

[A]

I'm driving at Dave's house. I got this thing. Finish the episode. I'll be there real soon.

[C]

What the fuck makes wet cheese? What's wrong with you?

[A]

What is your deal, buddy?

[B]

I mean, we're happy to hold your hand. If you want to take a trip. We can show you that. We can show you God's country. Okay? Your wicked country, where there's no such thing as curds or good beer. You're just surviving on honey dunes and cheat and crab cheese slices.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, enjoy yourself. Yeah, Sounds fun.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Why don't you just let someone into your heart every now and then? Wouldn't you live forever like Trump in.

[B]

Front of a stack of Big Macs? You go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, go for it. Enjoy yourself.

[B]

Enjoy your little life living on fine crafted food and booze that was made by. By people that care.

[A]

Wet beer and wetter cheese.

[B]

Yeah. Yum, yum.

[C]

I like walleye.

[B]

Okay. All right. That's a start.

[A]

Well, we don't. We don't hate. We don't hate what you're saying right now, but we're still a little pissed off at some of the earlier stuff.

[B]

Yeah, some of the earlier stuff seemed vitriolic.

[A]

Yeah. You'll be having walleye on Friday, but you'll also need to get into the wet cheese a little bit. Okay?

[C]

Absolutely not. Never.

[A]

Never.

[C]

Putting my hand into a bag of wet cheese.

[A]

Well, we'll feed it to you off. We'll do a key bump. It's called a key bump. We feed it to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We go to a bathroom as three guys and then we'll just hand it to you.

[B]

One in each nose hole.

[A]

Yeah. You'll be fine.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

Haunted house mystery police. Trying to solve queer doings in New Jersey home.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Careful. We are doings.

[A]

Careful.

[C]

I'm hoping it is what we. I'm hoping it is what we think it is.

[A]

That would be a great haunted house. It's one of those ones where you just stick your hand and stuff and you're like, oh, gross. It's guts. It's spaghetti.

[B]

You gotta. You gotta warn the condo association.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You gotta let people know.

[A]

All right, so this is. This is spaghetti, but it's supposed to be guts.

[B]

My son. My son just fisted your boyfriend.

[A]

It was weird at the end when I had to suck all that goo out of that hose.

[B]

It's the inside of a body. It's the inside of a dead body, but it's not a dead body. Well, it's.

[A]

Made an orgasm sound at the end.

[B]

No, he's a disgruntled spirit in a rotting car.

[A]

He's a zombie. He's gotten in a no zone.

[B]

He's. He seemed pretty. Pretty scruntled.

[A]

What's the opposite of disgruntled?

[B]

He seems like he was in a good mood.

[A]

Scruntling loudly scrunched is to be satisfied.

[B]

Five scrunchies will scrunt again. Sorry.

[C]

A haunted house mystery is occupying the attention of sheriff Harris and his deputies at Newton, New Jersey. George Dunlop, a wealthy farmer, reported that for two months his big colonial farmhouse had been haunted and that he and his wife have been driven almost frantic by rappings and other weird noises and by similar acts.

[A]

It was the super bowl shuffle.

[C]

It was terrifying.

[B]

It was an actually haunted house.

[A]

Terrible rap.

[C]

Sorry. He said some people.

[B]

Quarterback.

[C]

He said some pieces of clothing had been cut in pieces and a Bible had been slashed. Well, wow. Yeah. What are you gonna do? Don't leave it around. Don't leave it laying around.

[B]

Sounds like the church said he could marry his cousin's daughter and she was never happy about it.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Canned goods had been spilled, and his rubber boots, which he left in the kitchen, had been thrown into a cistern.

[A]

See, these are the. Like, most. These are just weak hauntings. Like, he's just terrible. Some of my cans were spilled. My boots had been tossed. Some of the clothes have been cut. The Bible was like anything that. It was terrible, awful, terrifying. One of the tools was rusted. The fence had a nail missing.

[B]

It's hot.

[A]

We can't leave anything.

[C]

Like a sheep head.

[A]

One of the horse.

[B]

A.

[A]

Anything was. Some of the wool was poofy.

[C]

Was there like a sheep's head removed or like, did.

[A]

Did never removed. No, but what are the. What are the logs and splintered.

[B]

Wow. We was cr.

[A]

Where we can't rest. We can't live.

[B]

My question is, the. The cans that were. That were emptied out, how were they smashed? Were they opened? Who were they?

[A]

We opened them. We opened them and we ate the contents, and then they were trashed.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

From the ghost. Spirits had taken them after. Yeah.

[B]

So they.

[C]

Sounds like you might have a. A maid. So it sounds like you might have a maid.

[A]

We don't know. We don't have a maid. We. We go into the barn a lot of times, and we'll drink. We'll come down the next day, and there will have been hauntings. One ghost puked all over a bale.

[B]

Did you remember. Do you remember where you were at that point?

[A]

No. We were there earlier in the night having drinks. And then the next morning, we came up, and the ghost had eaten some of the preserves, and there was yarf all over our hay.

[B]

Sounds like there's a gap in your memory. Yeah.

[C]

How often are you drinking?

[A]

Always.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Always drinking, always in the barn. And it's funny that you mentioned that these hauntings are occurring in the window of our extreme alcohol ingestion.

[B]

You know alcohol is illegal.

[A]

One of the ghosts had sex with my wife.

[B]

Okay. Well. Well, yeah.

[A]

And he flew through my crotch because it looked like a Krispy Kreme.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah. I had a dried ghost. Ghost goo. Yeah. All right, well, him or them or whatever they are.

[C]

Do you know what a Krispy Kreme is?

[B]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not sure what that is. But we're gonna take you down. We're gonna. We're gonna lock you up. We're gonna see if this happens while you're not at your house. How's that?

[A]

It will happen. It sounds wrong, and it will, and it will happen. These ghosts know no bounds. One of them actually threw up in my mouth when I slept the other night.

[B]

Can we talk to your wife for a second, sir?

[A]

I don't think that'd be a good idea.

[B]

Wait, why does she not. Is she okay?

[A]

She doesn't drink.

[B]

She doesn't drink?

[A]

Yeah. So she's got a whole theory that's just whack a doodle.

[B]

Okay, well, we don't have to. We won't have to take her downtown.

[A]

But if anyone should go downtown, it's her. I need to stay here to. On ghost watch? You know, they actually spilled oil out of one of our lamps?

[B]

And what do you think the significance of that is?

[A]

You're the cops. I'm just here giving you info.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Yeah, I don't. I don't even appreciate the question. These ghosts are my wife and putting donut glaze on my penis.

[C]

They make her come.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, that's the worst part. They can. They always. They've. They never can, so. All right, well, you guys should be getting out of here.

[B]

All right, well, thanks for the. This is. This has been quite a visit.

[A]

Yeah, I'm really. I can't wait for closure.

[C]

On four occasions, articles have been thrown downstairs when no one was on the upper floor. And later three fires were started in the house. All right, well, I should point out.

[A]

They are lighting fires in the home too. I Forgot that detail.

[C]

Mr. Dunlap. Stories of the strange happenings in the old mansion are corroborated by a score of neighbors. The sheriff, after investigation arrested a female relative of Dunlaps, but she denied any.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Knowledge of the reason for the ghostly doings. And a further investigation is being made. Okay, so she's up to something. Why would they arrest her?

[A]

I don't. Well, are you saying that the cops have to be right, Dave? Because you've always been a homer for them.

[C]

A cop has absolutely never been wrong. When is a cop.

[A]

That's what you think.

[B]

Ever?

[C]

Ever?

[A]

Yeah, Ever. Yeah.

[B]

Fair. Sounds like this man had a slave that got out of the basement and he.

[A]

You're pitching a parasite.

[B]

Yeah, it's a real. It's a real. The call is coming from inside the house situation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, if you were like robbing this guy and he was like. Started to be like, we've had some real. And you're like, oh, he knows. He's like you thinking what I'm thinking, which.

[B]

That will have some sort of implication. Just call her a ghost. And that's good.

[A]

Ghost is safe.

[C]

Ghost is safe.

[A]

Don't get canceled.

[B]

Damn it. Clam. Which is so cliche.

[A]

Here we go.

[C]

Witch shit again. Public speaking explained. The Japanese visitor to this city was asked to make an after dinner speech.

[A]

He arose very nervous about this article.

[C]

Yeah, you should be. He arose and began quaintly. I often wonder, he said, why it is you Americans will hinder your digestion by making these after dinner speeches. We Japanese rest after our meals. It is much better.

[A]

You don't come to our country and tell us we don't get to make a speech after supper.

[C]

How dare you?

[A]

I love the idea of just napping right after supper, like in a restaurant.

[C]

I mean, this was a time when a Japanese guy was like, no, take a rest. I know that I traveled with a Japanese delegation over the United States and everywhere the Americans would make us dine than ask us for speeches afterward. We would much rather have dined at our hotels and retired afterward to rest for the following day. By the way, this is a speech that he's making after dinner. He's telling him to fuck off.

[A]

Well, he's finally doing a speech about how much he doesn't want to do this anymore.

[B]

Yeah, he's like, what's like, you Americans just, you invite us over here and then you want to see us struggle with not our native language After I've just eaten a steak. Speech of a steak that's three times the size of what we would serve ourselves in our country. By the way, you just gave me a. You gave me a. You just gave me a 26 ounce porterhouse. And now I have to. And now I have to make sense without my interpreter.

[A]

Yeah, and now I get a free steak, a T shirt and a picture on the wall and I have to make a speech.

[B]

You guys, you guys made me eat the bone and gristle. Now I gotta do the ABCs. Look, let's go smoke some opium and every time and just sit on the patio.

[C]

I asked someone why it was this universal after dinner speech making among the American men at public dinners. And he replied that the American man never had a chance to say anything at home. And that was why.

[A]

What a fucking amazing perception of 1910 male existence. My wife won't let me get a word in.

[B]

Also, wait, did the Japanese businessman said that took a shot like that?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Asshole. The assholes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Honestly, he brought the ruckus right there. He's like, I don't know why you keep making me get up here after a steak dinner. Maybe it's because you're completely chained in your basement of your house.

[A]

Now hold on a minute.

[B]

Women, Am I right?

[C]

That's how you get a big applause. Women. Yeah, you guys get it? Fell 800ft.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

You mean how do you think this guy did? J.C. mars, the daring western aviator who deals in thrills while you wait. Plunged 800ft through space and landed in Ambrose Channel at the foot of New York Bay while making an airplane flight to Fort Wadsworth, Staten Island.

[A]

Now, wait, exactly what happened? He, he landed as a man or as a plane?

[C]

He sounds like, it sounds like he fell out. It sounds like.

[B]

Sounds like he pushed. Sounds like he pushed himself off a cliff in a Wheelbarrow, and.

[C]

That's Right.

[B]

But has aviator on his business and.

[A]

Yeah. So he's gone.

[C]

The 500 horsepower motor on the flying machine went wrong. It's one way to say it stopped working. Sure went wrong. Mars was fished out of the water unhurt by a tugboat, and his Curtis eight cylinder Flyer was picked up by a wreck. So he jumped out separately, and then the plane crashed.

[B]

He's the. This is the original Sully Sullenberger who saved his life. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He saved his own life.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

There's no way.

[A]

He's a goose. He.

[C]

He fell 800ft and 800ft in the water.

[A]

Substantial.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He'd splat. He'd splat.

[B]

Water. 500 horsepower. That's. That's.

[A]

That's a decent amount.

[B]

50.

[C]

50 horsepower.

[B]

50 horsepower.

[A]

That's nothing.

[C]

That's like a lot.

[B]

That's like a lawnmower. But, I mean, that'll. That'll get a. That'll get a fan blade moving pretty good. You know? I mean, it'll tell you if you take off fast. Up. And then he's.

[A]

And then he's just.

[B]

And then he's just Up.

[A]

We had Michael Winslow on the show.

[B]

That was pretty good, my friend.

[A]

The space police are here.

[C]

You think Michael Winslow. You think Mike Winslow is, like, to his agent, just like. Can I just get I. Just one dramatic role? Can I just. I don't want to do the noises for one. I just want to show people that I can really act.

[B]

It's him. It's him and Denzel. It's him and Denzel for.

[A]

It's like he's dying in a hospital. The Oscar clip is he's dying in a bed. It's like.

[B]

Oh, no. He flatlined for glory. Him and Denzel.

[A]

Yeah. Earn this.

[B]

Mr. Winslow. We. In this scene, you're being whipped by your friend, and you have to take it and cry. Is he.

[A]

No, not a Scooby.

[B]

Not Scooby Doo. Don't do Scooby Doo. That's. That's not. It's not. It's. It's not Shaggy. Shaggy is not the one with a bullwhip. It's. This is. This is Matthew. Yeah. That's not you. It's a really somber. It's a humiliating, somber scene. It's very, very much. Mike, how'd it go? Mike, how'd the read go?

[A]

I think book. Did.

[C]

I have.

[B]

Testament. Testament to Michael Winslow's sound effects that all we can do is imitations, impersonations.

[A]

The best. The best.

[B]

Because we can't do a. We can't do a good gong.

[A]

Yeah, you can. Exactly. You can't do a Michael Winslow impression.

[C]

No.

[A]

No one's ever heard him really speak.

[C]

Burglar's high old time for a week. Lived sumptuously in deserted New York home. When Henry Morris of Brooklyn returns from his vacation, he will find that his home on Putnam Avenue has been looted by two burglars of the storybook type.

[A]

Storybook burglars.

[B]

Sounds like this guy has yet to discover his house.

[A]

Sure, that's fair.

[B]

My first. My first interview, if I'm the. If I'm the detective, is with the person who wrote this article.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Pretty good grasp of all this, huh? What's the owner of the house's name again?

[C]

It is Henry Morris. The street. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, Morris, you seen your living room lately?

[C]

No, I'm on. I'm on vacation. Vacation. I have.

[B]

Okay. All right. Okay. Well, you. Everything looks good. Everything looked good on our end, but just.

[C]

Yeah, I'm sorry. You're a reporter.

[B]

Yeah, no, everything looked good. I. Just checking in on everybody these days and your living room came across my room. I. You. Your everything's good. Your. Your lamps, your, uh. The golden statue of, uh. Of your grandparents is still there.

[C]

That's all right. You're a reporter in my home.

[B]

You're. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just. I mean, everybody talks about your living room and how fancy it is and, uh, you know, your, Your. Your.

[A]

Your.

[B]

The antique china set and the crystal chandelier. That's all there. That's all right. Where it is. I just have been waiting to. To. To honestly to write about it because I'm a. I'm a big antiques guy and everybody talks about your living room. But it's good. It's good. Enjoy your vacation and. And we'll catch up. We'll catch up when you're back and I'll maybe get.

[C]

I'm slightly uncomfortable.

[A]

Go. He wasn't suspicious of all the ship we took right away?

[B]

No, no, he's. You know, he does. He's got no idea. He's. He's on vacation. He's. You know, he loves. He's Idiot. Yeah.

[A]

He's so many candelabras.

[B]

He's often Savannah.

[A]

Foolish, stupid man.

[C]

Boss guys. Question why we call him anyway. What's. What was the.

[B]

I. I don't. I just. I just like to. I like to see if people have a clue so that I know how worried how we. How. How much we got to spend to cover our trust.

[A]

The process, Dink.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's real ragtag bunch, these guys. Yeah, yeah. Hey, boss, did you get the. Did you get the newspaper article written?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I thought you had it.

[B]

Boy, all this stuff sure is valuable, but it's not worth a cent compared to humiliating people in the newspaper.

[C]

Yeah, but I'm starting to think this is why we always get caught.

[A]

I'm still on the phone, you idiots.

[B]

Long story short, you're in the paper next week, Mr. I forgot your name.

[C]

From the apparent. From the appearance of things, the burglars had been there about a week. Every dish in the cupboard had been used.

[A]

Slow rob is just. I think we've lost the slow rob.

[C]

We have, yeah.

[A]

The long loot, the fortnight of robbing.

[B]

This is about humiliation, you know?

[A]

Yeah, it is. There's. There's. Yeah. Well, I also like the idea of testing out what you want to take for a minute. Being able to give the stuff a test drive. Is this the road for me?

[B]

The worst part is what they leave behind.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. Damn it.

[B]

Keep your fucking trash.

[A]

It's just a globe.

[B]

They. They live in his house. They use his shit. They eat everything. They, they, they. They do God knows what all while talking about it in the local newspaper.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. And then they're out there before he even gets home.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Every dish in the cupboard had been used. There was ice in the refrigerator, showing that the men had taken proper care of the beers and wines which they brought in, some of which still remained.

[B]

So.

[A]

Wait, wait. I'm sorry. I made her. They brought their own to party and, like, left.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. They're partying.

[A]

Airbnb. They just like. They were just like, we don't need that ketchup. Just leave it for the next fella.

[B]

These guys are comedy condo. They left it like a condo.

[A]

Yeah. You're just like, there's a little open sake in here for some reason.

[B]

This mayonnaise is from 1991.

[A]

Yeah. There's baking soda, mustard, sake.

[C]

I love an empty cigar box.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[C]

An empty cigar box and a large assortment of empty bottles told a story of happy hours.

[A]

Every portable article thieves. This is awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They had a good time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Every portable article of value in the apartment had been taken, including Mr. Morris's wedding wardrobe. Oh, not.

[A]

Well, Dave, you wore a wardrobe when you got married, right? Isn't that right?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes they take it out and just wear it around. How do you remember this investigation by the police revealed the fact that Several neighbors had seen two strange men leaving the building, one of whom was attired in a frock coat.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Leather shoes.

[A]

So it's kind of. It is kind. That's kind of what it is. I think.

[C]

This kid put on a frock coat, a leather leather shoes and a silk hat and was just. These guys were having wardrobe awesome time.

[A]

I mean he was dressed like a groom. He's like, sir, yes.

[C]

The other carried a suitcase that was apparently heavy. Yeah.

[A]

Dragging just a suitcase of just valuables.

[C]

I mean that's fucking amazing, that walk.

[A]

You're like, hopefully the cops don't stop us because this is a pretty bad one.

[B]

It was like a. It was like a week long all around town. Weekend at Bernie's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This guy's shit. And everybody in town knew it happened. It was old news by the time he got back from vacation.

[A]

They're Laurel and Harding down the street. Just sort of like you, fool. A fine mess you've gotten us into now.

[B]

Well, I can't lift the heavy end. I'm wearing the wedding wardrobe.

[A]

I can't. I'm wearing the wedding wardrobe.

[C]

Merry fish fry party. It mighty. It's mighty nice. Pleasant and interesting to make new friends. Especially when new friends are charming young people in love with themselves and all of the world.

[A]

Crazy start to any article viewing life.

[C]

From the Mary's standpoint of goodwill and good cheer.

[A]

How to be popular in the newspaper.

[C]

Recently. It was the writer's happy lot to be an invited guest to go seining and fish frying with a jolly party of young folks. Pine. He was very annoying.

[A]

But no, no, no, that's Wisconsin. That's when you're going to get your walleye Friday Fish fry.

[B]

Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a nice party to be invited to. I, I have no idea how you know, this reporter decided to start an article like that.

[A]

It's crazy.

[C]

That's wild.

[B]

He was.

[A]

Friendship is when you get along with someone.

[B]

He was very excited about being invited.

[A]

To something and then all of a sudden the next thing you know you're being invited to a party. And that's pretty cool too.

[B]

Somebody was invited to a dinner this weekend.

[A]

I speak from experience when I say going to an event is pretty frickin cool.

[B]

Some of you may have been to a party, the rest of you might go to a party, but let me tell you, they're a big deal.

[A]

Allow me to peel the curtain back a little bit and talk about the time I went to a party with cool people. Who also happen to be my friends.

[B]

They probably don't have to read this and probably don't want me to tell you everything that went on at this party. But I'm here to say that it's pretty cool. There's drinks in cups and fish that's been fried.

[A]

I told a really cool story that everybody was really happy to hear.

[B]

Okay. It wasn't my first party. It won't be my last party, but it was probably cooler than any party that you went to this weekend.

[A]

The editor. All right, look, so article wise.

[B]

Sounds pretty great. Sounds pretty cool. Sounds pretty cool.

[A]

No, I'm glad you went to a party and you did good.

[B]

But so much fish. And they even had brandy. And they had. And they. They had.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

They let us keep our shoes on. It was fantastic.

[A]

Crazy thing to highlight, obviously, about the.

[B]

Shoes, but candles on the table.

[A]

I understand. I understand that. I guess what we're going for in this periodical is more. It needs to have some.

[B]

You want to name names? You want me to name names? Like the Epstein list?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's like it needs to have value to society. Why is it. Why is it interesting?

[B]

That's because.

[A]

Why is this in the paper?

[B]

It's a big party, and I got invited to it.

[A]

I know, but that's the thing. It seems like you're just happy you got invited. Do you understand?

[B]

Well, you weren't at the party. I mean, I talk about the part. You read. Keep reading, keep reading, Keep reading. The party's in there. I talk about.

[A]

All right, all right, we'll keep reading.

[B]

All right.

[A]

We'll see.

[C]

Reese. Oh, wait. I already did that. Our party didn't care a Continental whether Alligator Creek was to be canalized or public roads automobilized. The philosophy of life to all was that the cheerful always die young because they never grow old. That years do not make age. It's all the same whether 16 or 60.

[A]

All right, so see? See? I don't see. What are you talking about?

[B]

There was alligators in the backyard and people everywhere. No.

[C]

It was Mr. And Mrs. Mr. And Mrs. J.W. edwards were the venerable chaperones. Did you ever see a motherly hen go frantic when she.

[A]

We don't know who she is. Who is she?

[C]

When she. When she beheld her duck egg. Chickens plunge into water. Well, that was her.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[C]

We found her.

[B]

We fed the crocodiles. We had to feed the crocodiles.

[A]

What is this all about? Her egg?

[B]

The hosts had a friend, and she was also Invited to the party. She was a very nice lady. She had a nice dress and she had a. She had several ducklings and ducks. And we. We. Everybody sat on the patio. We. We had our drinks and our.

[A]

Look, sit down. First of all. Sit down. Sit down.

[B]

All right, all right.

[A]

First of all, control yourself.

[C]

No, we had no scene and we're not at Samson Lake. But we were all at sea with hearts fluttering for supper in the lovely night breeze. On a level sword of pine needles with the green grass growing all around and around. This was Hollywoggus.

[A]

All right, all right. Get out. Get out. Get out.

[C]

And bright fire was built so we could see each other laughing.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[C]

Our commodore, Captain Mally Jones, sifted sand to farmers Provence. And soon returned with chickens. Farmer, farmer, boys, a fiddle and a banjo.

[A]

She carried all of that.

[C]

And why the plan boiled us. Boys and girls danced all denominationals known on the face of the globe. And in the good old town of Stark, after a merry supper and a dozen alligator songs by a renowned captain. We all voted the chicken of the season.

[A]

What are you talking about? Oh.

[B]

Boss. Sounds like you mad you weren't invited.

[A]

I don't even understand.

[C]

You didn't like not getting invited?

[B]

We all yelled ho. We all yelled ho. Have you never been to a party where everyone yells ho at the end? Sounds like. No.

[A]

This is.

[C]

You're angry.

[A]

I doubt that. This happened.

[B]

We feasted.

[C]

Oh, it happened.

[B]

The alligators feasted. There was waterfowl. There was regular fowl. There was fishes. There was sand. We've cravat name dropping sand right now. Fancy sand. And there was cravat. And people had sand in their cravats. And it was on purpose. And that's what happened at this party.

[A]

Okay, look, look, look, look, look. I'll admit this paper is in need of some more articles.

[B]

You don't believe it because it's unbelievable. But I'm here to tell you this very believable.

[A]

You ate chicken. Fish in a yard.

[B]

It was.

[C]

As if it was that simple.

[B]

It was much more. It was much more. There was spell.

[C]

So much more.

[B]

It was as if the universe had cast a spe.

[A]

It wasn't.

[B]

You have a reg. You have been to a barbecue, sir. You have not been to a feast where people yell, hey, Bam.

[A]

All right, we'll put it at the end.

[B]

Save the best and last. I like it.

[A]

Now get out.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Next party, they give him an NDA Sign this.

[B]

This guy. You told all our secrets.

[A]

Oh, my Lord. Ham. Oh, we're Having everything we could desire. It's like I died and went to party heaven.

[B]

Huzzah.

[A]

Huzzah.

[C]

A Scottish superstition. In Scotland, bringing a flowering Hawthorne into the house foretells a death in the family. Why would you.

[A]

That's right. If you bring in flowering hawthorns, someone's gonna pass. Absolutely destined to be that way. What are you doing bringing that into my home? There. Someone's gonna die.

[B]

I'm surprised I'm still breathing.

[A]

Good Lord. It's a miracle. We've all made it through the night. The night. It's an absolute shock. You've been. You've taunted fate. You have.

[B]

What did they bring? What is the four tones? You would say flower?

[A]

Hawthorn.

[C]

A flowered hawthorn? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's only one pig.

[A]

They've brought a smoking witch's cauldron into the living room.

[B]

There is no chance of survival now.

[A]

Well, that's it. We're all dead men walking.

[B]

We're all dead.

[A]

It's over.

[B]

It's either the bottom or the top.

[A]

What? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you don't think so? There's nobody.

[A]

Welcome to the arches. Everyone's big.

[B]

Oh, you care.

[A]

The GR's dead.

[B]

Half the clan is Paris. Because the flower horn.

[A]

Why would you bring this into the home? No one will live.

[B]

This scene was cut out of Braveheart. This was the scene that was cut out of Braveheart. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But do we need it?

[B]

Charlie Stage for the prima nocta.

[A]

The pr. I saw that, Dave. I don't want to.

[C]

Charlie Kirk died.

[B]

What is. Did someone murder Charlie Kirk?

[C]

I assume that he. His male. Oh, really? All right.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The video is insane.

[B]

I mean, this is just another step in America losing its mind.

[C]

Totally.

[B]

You know, I've always said, like, everybody talks about how Fox News is bad for society. Dude. Dude. AM radio did more. Did the heavy lifting. Like, AM radio has zombified so many people in their cars over the years.

[C]

The blowback's gonna be crazy.

[A]

That's. That's what I. That's. That's the thing. It's like.

[C]

But this was. This was gonna happen, though.

[A]

It is. It's the eventuality. Anyway, everything's already on the timeline. It's like, is it getting moved up or staying in, you know, an odd arm's length, but it is going to be. Never let a good crisis go to waste. But that video is crazy.

[B]

I. I couldn't really see. It was blurry. You see him get, like. Does he get shot in the face? Neck? Oh, my God.

[A]

I mean, I can't imagine that he survives what I just saw.

[C]

Well, it's like Preston is saying he's dead, but I don't know.

[A]

Well, Nate, thanks for joining us on the past times.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

As we live through our own strange.

[B]

Newspaper days, as our society is actually about to go back to 1910, as.

[A]

We are about to return.

[B]

Yeah, crazy good to prep on. On how things go in the. The new era that we'll be living in.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Minus one century plus after people decide to.

[A]

Well, let's. I don't know what we'll keep of this part. Your special is called Married to it. We can get it on YouTube or if people want to be traditionalists and pay for content, they can go to your Patreon. Where. What is. Can they just go to Patreon and just search your name? Nate Craig.

[B]

Craig. Yep.

[A]

You're fantastic, Nate.

[B]

Only f. Only fans. I'm at Good husband.

[A]

Very interesting. Very interesting wrinkle there at the end.

[C]

Yep, that's the lie.

[A]

Thank you for joining us. We love you. You're the best.

[B]

Love you guys. Thank you for having me. Having me.

[A]

Thank you, buddy.

[C]

Thanks, man.

[B]

Let's meet up and haunt a bar together sometime. Go package.

[A]

Done. Some of these days you'll miss me, honey.

[B]

Some of these days.

[A]

Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube, you can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the rube. It. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.