162 - The Past Times with Nato Green

Summary

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The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 162: The Past Times with Nato Green
Release Date: February 20, 2026
Guest: Nato Green
Main Theme: Hilarious commentary on strange newspaper stories from March 29, 1893, with digressions into comedy touring, drugs, advertising, historic oddities, and the cultural place of eggs.

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Episode Overview

In this wild and digression-filled episode of The Dollop's Past Times, Dave and Gareth are joined by comic and "returning champion" Nato Green. The trio riff on a vintage 1893 Louisiana Review newspaper—mining its short, curious, and sometimes absurd stories for laughs and social commentary.

They cover topics from peculiar drug warnings, old-timey egg disputes, and snowball-induced child combustion to bizarre funeral arrangements, eating rituals, and the weirdness of targeted drug ads. Along the way, they bounce into workplace strikes, bad British cocaine, and the long-running comedy premise of how to be disposed of after death.

Their gleeful, irreverent banter mixes clever historical roasting, cultural critique, and comedic absurdity—with eggs, drugs, and burial customs emerging as weird running themes.

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Key Topics, Insights & Memorable Moments

1. Banter on Comedy Shows, Touring, and the Value of Early Show Times

• [00:43–03:27]
  • Dave and Gareth open by plugging upcoming Dollop and Nato Green tour dates.
  • They joke about the joys of early show times, audience demographics, and why comedians might prefer 4 PM over 10:30 PM gigs. "You get out at a regular time—walking out at 6:30 and being like, that's it. Oh, heaven." (Gareth, 03:16)
  • Recurring thread: stealing managers at Sacramento Punchline in the 1990s.

2. Guessing the Newspaper Date and Historical Strikes

• [04:09–05:52]
  • Humorous guessing game to identify the old paper’s year; casual tie-ins to current and historical labor strikes and economic collapses.
  • "I was thinking about the strikes in Russia in 1905... in 1893, there was also a strike wave in the United States." (Nato, 05:26)

3. The Bizarre Gossip Item: Mrs. Astor's Photo Collection

• [08:18–08:52]
  • They read a gossip blurb: "Ms. William W. Astor has a unique collection of photographs of beautiful women."
  • “It’s like the Epstein files.” (Gareth, 08:29)
  • Launches their first tangent about today's scandals vs. old-time privacy.

4. Wild "Medical" Warnings About Cocaine (and Recreational Drug Comedy)

• [09:24–16:35]
  • Discussion of an article detailing the “great danger of cocaine”—which apparently causes “only a little more talkativeness than usual” before it ruins your life.
  • “If cocaine wasn’t good, would God have made it?” (Dave, 09:45)
  • “A guided cocaine tour would really be the worst thing ever.” (Dave, 10:35)
  • Extended, rapid-fire parody of pharmaceutical ads for cocaine. “Ask your doctor if cocaine is right for you!” (Gareth, 14:43)
  • Side effects included: metallurgy, paranoia, apologizing at 5:30 AM, texting your dealer.
  • "I watched a five-hour commercial for cocaine." (Nato, 15:45)

5. The Era of Targeted Drug Ads

• [17:01–19:23]
  • Comic breakdown of the insanity of US pharmaceutical ads—“English relatives can’t believe it”—and the weird, sometimes racially mismatched, algorithmic targeting on TV and streaming services.
  • “The algorithm seems to think that I am an HIV-positive Black man.” (Nato, 17:37)

6. Historical Divorce Gossip, Anti-British Sentiment & Wilde Family Drama

• [20:16–21:25]
  • Article: Ms. Frank Leslie divorcing her English husband.
  • “Wild that a level-headed businesswoman...should have committed the indiscretion of matrimony with a worthless foreigner is a puzzle. Holy Christ.” (Dave, 21:08)
  • They riff on anti-British American attitudes, British cocaine, and Oscar Wilde’s relatives.

7. "A Snowball Starts a Fire": Journalism at its Most Ridiculous

• [24:26–26:56]
  • News brief: boy hit by snowball, his matches ignite, he bursts into flames.
  • “Back then...boys were especially flammable. They were mostly just clothed in...compressed oil.” (Nato, 26:37)
  • Dark, slapstick banter about Louisiana’s child safety standards.

8. The Great Egg Debate of 1893 & Modern Comedic Obsession

• [27:28–34:09]
  • Article covers a massive argument over the real price of eggs, fresh vs. limed eggs, and how many eggs is too many.
  • Hilarious spiral into “egg crowd work,” egg-lime-pickling, and Gareth’s love for all egg forms: “Do you have a favorite part of the egg? The yolk or the white?” (Dave, 52:29)
  • “I do a BM in the pm.” (Gareth, 28:55)

9. Hum Attack: Theater Etiquette and Diagnosing Dementia

• [34:17–37:42]
  • “When a man at the theater hums...and marks the time by tapping with his foot, it is a sign that he is in the last stages of mental debility.” (Dave, 34:20)
  • "Experiencing pleasure is a sign of mental disability." (Nato, 34:49)
  • Riff on how old society policed fun, with historical and personal anecdotes.

10. Eating Like Animals: Sicilian Workers, Pasta Troughs, and Stereotypes

• [38:19–43:17]
  • Contrived article claims Sicilian laborers refused to eat from plates and spoons, preferring to shovel pasta from troughs with their hands.
  • “They just dig in with their...pulling spaghetti out of their piggy troughs.” (Dave, 41:17)
  • Riff on the American tradition of othering immigrant diets.

11. Preposterous Funeral Ideas: Selling Your Corpse and The Egg/Cocaine Casket

• [43:35–47:17]
  • Story about a man who sold his body for $10, then made a fortune and wanted it back—doctor refused.
  • Comic brainstorm on funeral alternatives — stuffing Gareth’s corpse with eggs, egg salad, or cocaine, and auctioning off who pays for the funeral based on which egg pops out first.
  • “Open casket. We scoop out the inside of G’s body cavity...fill it with cocaine. The guests all do the blow.” (Nato, 44:58)

12. Digression: Human 69/Bizarre Burial Subscriptions

• [47:13–50:55]
  • Comedic pitch for saving money at funerals by stacking corpses in "69" position or “human centipede” style. Laugh-out-loud irreverence about future archaeologists discovering weird burial rites.

13. Odd Mass Transit and the Proto-Hyperloop

• [51:03–57:18]
  • “In Mexico, you can hire a streetcar and ride all over town for $3.50...” (Dave, 51:04)
  • “It’s just a ski lift. That is all it is. A ski lift for your car.” (Nato, 57:35)
  • Sharp satire of overhyped modern tech—“This is absolutely not a car...this is an Elon Musk thing.” (Gareth, 57:18)

14. Witch Prophecies and Trump's Inevitable Passing

• [53:35–55:14]
  • Discuss viral online rumors: “Witches think that Trump is going to die on Tuesday, on February 17, Lunar New Year.” (Nato, 53:44)
  • Jokes on post-Trump celebrations, what his funeral could or should be like, and how witches would be unbearable if proven right.

15. Deaf Persons and the Telephone

• [55:34–56:45]
  • Bizarrely ableist 1893 warning that people hard of hearing should “avoid the telephone.”
  • “Of course they should avoid the telephone. They can’t use it.” (Dave, 55:53)

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Notable Quotes

• “If cocaine wasn’t good, would God have made it?” (Dave Anthony, 09:45)
• “A guided cocaine tour would really be the worst thing ever.” (Dave Anthony, 10:35)
• "The algorithm seems to think I'm an HIV-positive Black man." (Nato Green, 17:37)
• "Back then, boys were especially flammable. They were clothed in compressed oil." (Nato Green, 26:37)
• “Experiencing pleasure is a sign of mental disability.” (Nato Green, 34:49)
• "We're a truffle-based animal." (Gareth Reynolds, 42:26)
• “Open casket. We scoop out the inside of G’s body cavity...fill it with cocaine. The guests all do the blow." (Nato Green, 44:58)
• "It’s just a ski lift for your car." (Nato Green, 57:35)
• “Witches think that Trump is going to die on Tuesday, on February 17, Lunar New Year.” (Nato Green, 53:44)
• "Everyone in America is going to be going down on each other in the streets." (Nato Green, 55:10)

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Highlighted Segments with Timestamps

Tour Announcements/Early Shows: [00:43–03:27]
Cocaine Medical Ad Parody: [09:29–16:35]
Historic Egg Argument: [27:28–34:09]
Eggs, Bodies, and Funerals: [43:35–47:17]
Trough Eating Italian Laborers: [38:19–43:17]
Death Ritual Subscription Gags: [47:13–50:55]
Witches Predict Trump's Death: [53:35–55:14]

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Tone and Style

• Fast-paced, irreverent, absurd, packed with comic exaggeration.
• Socio-political asides blend seamlessly with historical banter.
• Running bits: egg obsession, cocaine ad parodies, and wild proposals for deaths and funerals.
• Loose, improvisational vibe; lots of inside references, quick pivots, and character work.
• Satirical lens on both history and the present.

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For those who missed the episode:
The trio deliver a riotous run through the day’s oddest headlines, all while veering—egged on by each other—into philosophizing about drugs, dietary eccentricities, historic biases, targeted advertising, and the comic limits of burial customs. Their sharp, silly, and subversive riffing makes this a quintessential Past Times installment.

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Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to $podcast.com tour for tickets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Welcome to the Pastabs. It's a podcast. Oh my God. We're having a hell of a time, are we? Shush. You know what we do each week? We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, returning champion, NATO Green. Hi, NATO.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hello, boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome back.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's great to be back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've, we've caught up on some stuff. You're recording your album at the end of the month, but nobody can go to that because you sold all your tickets.

[Nate Bargatze]

February 28th in San Francisco. Two. Two shows. But they're sold out. It'll be coming out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, but you have some warm up shows which are very important. You're doing one in la, one in Sacramento. Where can people go and when are they?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Saturday the 21st in Sacramento at the Sacramento Punchline Club that, you know, well, I believe. And Then Sunday the 22nd in Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion at the age appropriate time of 5:30pm you know,

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've done a couple of those times at the Lyric Hyperion. And it doesn't, it's not that bad. It doesn't feel that bad. I did a 4 o' clock last weekend. Now that feels bad. That's a bad feeling. 1.

[Nate Bargatze]

What part of it feels bad?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I like that better than like a 10:30 because it was a three show night. So I like that because then, you know, you're out at like a regular time, but just getting to a club when it's light, it's kind of got that like when you walk out of a casino in Vegas and you're kind of like, oh my God. It's the opposite of that. When you're Walking in and it's light out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it doesn't.

[Nate Bargatze]

I have a question. At a Gareth Reynolds four o' clock show, are people drinking?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, of course.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, of course.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hey, no, I did a run of shows at the San Francisco Punchline with. With W. Kamau Bell at 3 o' clock on a Saturday. And you know, that's like. Because the demographic skews older. Like, you know, people will come in, they can, you know, have some tea.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want a fan base? I forget who I was talking to, but if you can get a fan base, that's a 4P. Like, great.

[Dave Anthony]

If you. That is Doug Benson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Doug has that sometimes. He's got those 420 starts. If you can do that as a. That is great. Walking out at 6:30 and being like, that's it. Oh, heaven.

[Nate Bargatze]

Now let's go to dinner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now it's good. Yeah. Now then we can go do something. Where can people get tickets? NATO, is that on your website or they just go to these club websites?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, the Sacramento Punchline is at the Sacramento Punchline website. Lyric Hyperion is through Eventbrite. And. And. And everything is also on my Instagram. Mr. NATO Green Instagram to find me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Sacramento Punchline has the greatest history because back in the 90s, there was a manager and they realized he was stealing from the club, so they brought one of the San Francisco managers over to manage the club and, like, put everything in order. And then he stole from the club and then they fired him and they brought another manager and then he stole from the club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, a lot of people don't know that's why it's called the Punchline, because it's hilarious how that kept happening. It was heightening. Well, NATO, we're gonna guess what year this paper's from. You get to go first. I know you know this already, but you get to go first because Dave is.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. First of all, you can lose just from your attitude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's you.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, well, there, you're the winner, NATO. But go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go, NATO. Way to go. You won because Dave's out of his terrible attitude. Shut up.

[Nate Bargatze]

1905.

[Dave Anthony]

It's pretty good. It's 1893.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So there you go. You could have had me lose on my actual merits.

[Dave Anthony]

Does Gareth, is this attitude remind you a little bit of a cop?

[Nate Bargatze]

More of like a meter maid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a terrible follow up. NATO, that's just. least let me be the abuser. The only cop that gets abused.

[Dave Anthony]

All of the attitude of a cop without. Without the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Just with a portable receipt printing machine.

[Nate Bargatze]

Just like a little scooter to ride around in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that part I like.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

I said 1905, because as we were saying about just before we started recording this morning at 5:30 in the morning, the San Francisco teacher strike reached an agreement. They've been on strike for four days, and my kids were on the picket line, so I was feeling militant. And I was thinking about the strikes in Russia in 1905. As it happens, in 1893, there was also a strike wave in the United

[Gareth Reynolds]

States, I would imagine.

[Dave Anthony]

And why did that happen, Gareth? What economic thing occurred?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That. The. It was the 2008 housing crisis.

[Nate Bargatze]

I think it was the tulip boom.

[Dave Anthony]

Tulip boom happened. Yeah, that's right. You nailed it. Well, yeah. So now we just have the la. The LA teachers union has to now be paid again. They're sitting on a pot of money and acting like they don't have it. They have. They have a lot of money just sitting around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, did you hear that, Bits?

[Nate Bargatze]

The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't remember the name of the comedian, but he was going. Layoffs. Layoffs. No talking about layoffs. Layoffs. What is that?

[Dave Anthony]

What is that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's that Colts coach. He was doing that. He did playoffs.

[Dave Anthony]

Does anybody get what you're talking about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

If they. There's like eight people and they're like, it's mid.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's the perfect kind of reference, though, because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. You don't need to say more.

[Nate Bargatze]

I didn't understand what you were referring to at all, but it sounded funny enough that I was willing to roll with it.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I give it for. Like, I just. I'm comfortable laughing. I don't understand why he's doing it.

[Dave Anthony]

You're like the male Whitney Cummings. It is the Louisiana Review. Wednesday, March 29, 1893. Why? Because I gave you a huge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very complimented. Very complimented.

[Nate Bargatze]

Do you. Dave, do you mean that he peaked in 2017?

[Dave Anthony]

Stephen A. Smith might be running for president. Let's do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. So, Louisiana Review, personal gossip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Right up here. Right up top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just one sentence. Ms. Williams, what's the date?

[Nate Bargatze]

1893.

[Dave Anthony]

March 29th.

[Nate Bargatze]

Right on. Let's go.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, let's go. Is leap. Is. Is that a leap? What is. When is the Leap Day?

[Gareth Reynolds]

February 29th.

[Dave Anthony]

February 20th.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah,

[Gareth Reynolds]

he's the history guy, I'm the calendar buff.

[Dave Anthony]

We should do calendar show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

Horrible.

[Nate Bargatze]

Gareth, can you remind me, when is Tisha Bob on the calendar?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tisha Bob? Yeah, that Is. I think it's a Thursday this year.

[Nate Bargatze]

Okay, thanks.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. William W. Astor has a unique collection of photographs of beautiful women.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the entire story. And let me tell you something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like the Epstein files.

[Dave Anthony]

Based on what we know about rich people. This is bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But that has more information in it that they released more about the gossip.

[Nate Bargatze]

Wait a minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It should have been redacted.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is it a woman who has the file of.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a man. Oh, no. Mrs. Mrs. William.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're right. Mrs. William.

[Dave Anthony]

But, you know, based on what we've learned, I don't think that matters. There's a lot of ladies in the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Epstein files that are not doing good things. Yeah. Lee Camp today, he did a video and he broke down. I. I had never really paid attention. He broke down. How. How Epstein died was clearly murdered. And all of the, like, missing information and time. Time in the video and time in

[Gareth Reynolds]

the video that they clearly edited on, like, cutters.

[Dave Anthony]

They can't find the noose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, there's a. There's a different. Yeah. There's a different noose in there, which is like, what.

[Dave Anthony]

The whole thing is just so crazy. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The danger in cocaine. This is when cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you believe how stupid they were?

[Dave Anthony]

This is when cocaine is like. Like, everybody's doing it. Yeah. Everybody's doing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This would be someone being like, company.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. This. Yeah. This is a guy who's like, maybe we shouldn't be smoking this much pot. It's that guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pot's okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So is cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No arguments.

[Dave Anthony]

If cocaine wasn't good, would God have made it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

The great danger of cocaine lies in the fact that it is the most agreeable and alluring of all narcotics.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Naito. Yes, Agreed.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean, for 1893, probably. Can you. Is. Is cocaine the greatest drug export of South America? Because what it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Got me thinking is, like, what if people now, instead of taking ayahuasca journeys to South America for guided tours for. On ayahuasca, we're going to South America for guided tours on cocaine. What a different type of journey that would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, well, what you want is you want to do ayahuasca, then into the cocaine. Because you don't shut up about the ayahuasca. This will not shut the up.

[Dave Anthony]

A guided cocaine tour would really be the worst thing ever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, honestly, you. Only a couple people could do it and, you know. But no, I would love that. That's the problem now. You can't do Coke anymore like you used to be. You got to test it. It's a whole thing.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Back when I was a boy, you could just end up in a bathroom with some weirdo.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Do it off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just RFK it off a toilet. Just.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, right off the toilet seat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just. Theo Vaughn.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, I used to sell RFK his toilet seats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that right?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

People don't know that. Yeah. By the way, just, I. I wanna. I wanna give a lot of props to Theo Vaughn for having on every horrible human being on earth on his podcast. Congratulations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's brave.

[Dave Anthony]

It causes no mental confusion, only a little more talkativeness than usual. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I honestly agree. I agree with all of that.

[Dave Anthony]

A little more. A lot more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah, but I agree with the idea that you are locked in.

[Dave Anthony]

You are locked in, but you don't shut the up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's. You're a bad listener. I'll go that far. You're definitely a bad listener. You just think about what you could say. But, yeah, no, you definitely don't shut the up. So is that what it was like in 1893? Just a bunch of people just like. Did I tell you about my other patient that I was experimenting with? Dude, go ahead, finish. But then I'll. I'll tell you about.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, imagine what a hospital must have been like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, but also they, like, what else did they have to do? Like, they didn't have phones or cable or, you know, it's like. Like doing coke. Some laudanum.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

And booze. You know, moonshine.

[Dave Anthony]

Ah, heroin, too. They had heroin, then opium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just coke and moonshine. And just. What did they do? Make swords? I don't remember.

[Dave Anthony]

But the point is swords. The point is 90% of people made swords.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tell you what, you do enough cocaine, you'll make a sword. Now, you ever done coke off a sword? That's power.

[Dave Anthony]

I have not done coke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You must try.

[Dave Anthony]

I've also never done cook off a toilet seat. Yeah, you know why? Because there's also the back of the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've definitely done it off of a toilet seat. I've definitely. You have, absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

I've done it off the back of a toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've done it off the back of

[Dave Anthony]

a toilet, but never the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did it one time on a filled toilet, but that was just rfk. That's what I call him.

[Dave Anthony]

There is no headache, Senior.

[Nate Bargatze]

Both.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, both. There is no headache or nausea. Nausea. And the pleasant effects are produced with a comparatively small dose.

[Nate Bargatze]

But I feel like they're Underselling cocaine in this article.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I actually agree. This is too clinical. This is like what the prescription bottle reads. It's just like, you're gonna be awesome. Tonight you are a Greek God.

[Dave Anthony]

Tomorrow, have milk, get ready to dance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get ready to have the greatest night of your life.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There.

[Nate Bargatze]

It feels like they're describing cocaine like it's Earl Grey tea. Like yes, yes. That level of gives you a little

[Gareth Reynolds]

bit of an edge instead of just like you'll have the greatest stories and you'll all night. Oh, cocaine.

[Dave Anthony]

Here's where they get into the bad part though. But symptoms of poisoning are rapidly developed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

And within three months, the commencement of the habit there may be marked in Dick. Dick dictation. Dictations

[Nate Bargatze]

are beatboxing.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Dictations of degeneration, degeneration, loss of memory, hallucinations and suspicions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's amazing right away, it's amazing that they were starting to kind of figure out the downside to. But after a few months you kind of Andy Dick

[Dave Anthony]

much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are going to turn into Andy Dick.

[Nate Bargatze]

I, I mean this is. I like that they're doing it in the same way that we have like commercials now for Lexapro or whatever. Like side effects may include loss of dictions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All I want to do is make one of those commercials with like the B roll being going up to like a food truck or setting up for a picnic. Ask your doctor if cocaine is right for you. You're laying at a picnic. Side effects may include extreme paranoia, never shutting the up running. A mouth so dry that spit no longer exists.

[Dave Anthony]

Staring.

[Nate Bargatze]

If you unexpectedly get into metallurgy, please call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll think you are Zeus for about four to five hours. Cocaine will make you do more and more cocaine.

[Dave Anthony]

You'll try.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll keep doing it off the back of a dirty toilet seat. And sometimes if you do too much, you'll start to talk like this. But that's only rare. Ask your doctor if cocaine is right for you.

[Nate Bargatze]

Don't mix cocaine with other cocaine and also fentanyl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stabbing your wife. Accusing your wife of stabbing you. Thinking you can lift a car but you can't. Texting man furiously at 3:00am for more cocaine. Asking if he knows anyone. Apologizing at 5:30 for all the texts finally coming down.

[Nate Bargatze]

I, I watched a five hour commercial for cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here's the thing. Like cocaine, Ask your doctor if cocaine's right for you. If he says no, go to my buddy. His name's Dr. Tom. He actually works in Riverside. He works In a sewer. His office is actually inside of a sewer. Guys, if you find a bike, there's an abandoned bike. If you're near that, it's got a rusty. If it. Spin it around. If it makes rusty.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, hold on. I. I realize, like, great work on the copy, but I just want to. Guys do cocaine while you wrote the ad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, just to figure out a way to, like, actually write the copy. And we didn't even get to the song part yet.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's really long cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is pain. Unless you do it on your brain. Rain cocaine.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, let's do. Let's do one. Just one copy where we don't do cocaine before we write it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's probably not gonna be a good idea.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is just us doing cocaine and writing the ad for cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Very meta.

[Dave Anthony]

I love that.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's awesome. Let's do that. Side effects may include writing an ad for cocaine, thinking you work in an ad agency when you really don't. You're just running away from your problems, but you can outrun them because you do not have any saliva in your mouth.

[Dave Anthony]

I now I watch a lot of sports, like, on apps, you know, and so they. They have so many of. Of drug commercials. My family, they're in. They are genuinely insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I have, like, English family come to America, that is the one thing they cannot get. Like, you'll be watching, like, a football game, and they'll be like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, because the side effects are like. You might just see the idea of

[Gareth Reynolds]

advertising just being like, you need Lipitor. If you have a need, you go to the doctor. You don't just sit at home and be like, I could jump higher.

[Dave Anthony]

Tell your doctor what drugs he should be giving you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Demand shoe enlarging.

[Nate Bargatze]

Do you. Do you feel like you get ads that are, like, ads for drugs that are targeted to you?

[Dave Anthony]

Not yet, but I feel like that's

[Nate Bargatze]

like, I have been like, call me cream.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Nate Bargatze]

I periodically had, like. I didn't periodically. I had a period of time where I kept getting served ads where I was like, the algorithm seems to think that I am an HIV positive black man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have honestly heard that. I have heard that before from people that, like, they're like, I think Hulu thinks I have aids. What is actually happening?

[Nate Bargatze]

I kept getting these ads being like, do you have AIDS belly? And it was like,

[Dave Anthony]

AIDS belly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, you gotta crap your rates.

[Dave Anthony]

By the way, great band AIDS belly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I keep getting like. Like, just. I think it's the fake podcast setup one. So it would be like, Dave and I hear, and just be like, yeah, but my. My penis is so hard. And you'd be like, well, surely you have headaches. I'd be like, no headaches. And they're like, skip ads. Stop.

[Dave Anthony]

As soon as I shaved my head, I started getting tons of like, are you bald? Like, are you bald?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or just racist?

[Dave Anthony]

Because me and my wife probably were talking about a lot, and now it's like, this guy's bald. Yeah, but you're. Those ads are crazy. In four months, you can have all your hair back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want to join ice? Are you bald? Is your dick little? Do chicks hate you? Was high school tough?

[Dave Anthony]

So, you know, are you proud of

[Gareth Reynolds]

being white in a weird way?

[Dave Anthony]

So, you know, one thing there, AI Is very excited about, which would probably be the. The first and only decent use of AI but they're going to put not just content in shows. So, like, you. If you eat Cheerios, you'll see the character pick up a Cheerios Box, and I. If I eat Wheaties, I'll see the character pick up a Wheaties box.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ridiculous.

[Dave Anthony]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And.

[Dave Anthony]

And then, you know, all the ads will be specifically targeted, like you're talking about. That's all it'll be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Really, really good stuff. Really? Everybody loves that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, this guy likes the same Pringles as me. This is my show. I love Bosch. This guy likes sour cream Pringles. Hey, now I'm on board with Bosch.

[Nate Bargatze]

Bosch electric appliances special for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you see that one with bosses eating all the Pringles? You mean when he changed the tide? What were you talking about? Bosh. Nobody's like, sour cream Pringles.

[Dave Anthony]

No, he likes saltines. That's his whole thing. He's always eating saltines. Miss Frank, by the way, I could have watched. I could have watched decades of Bosch. Bosch was never watched. He was the new Colombo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't watch any, boss.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, Ms. Frank. Leslie is suing for a divorce from her English husband. Totally get it right there. Totally get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's attacking me. NATO, through an article. Go ahead, William.

[Nate Bargatze]

Anti British thing.

[Dave Anthony]

He is. This guy's a dual citizen, so I feel like he shouldn't be allowed in America, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So does some Republican senators.

[Dave Anthony]

But you know what's so funny about that is they're like, we're going to get rid of this dual citizenship thing. And it's like, you guys know about the whole Israel situation.

[Nate Bargatze]

William.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, Ms. Frank, Leslie is suing for a divorce from her English husband, William. Wild that a level headed businesswoman like Ms. Leslie should have committed the indiscretion of matrimony with a worthless foreigner is a puzzle. Holy Christ. That took a turn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The British, by the way. Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, man.

[Nate Bargatze]

What did William. What's of his butts of it do?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't. But it sounds like it wasn't good. Like they're. We're definitely not down, but I agree with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up. We should.

[Dave Anthony]

We should hit, you know, NATO.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been doing a show with him so long, I could tell when his eyes have shifted to attack.

[Dave Anthony]

We. We should attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Predator eye.

[Dave Anthony]

We should attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He like looks at me and he's like, there's heat over there.

[Dave Anthony]

We should attack the British more. It's all I'm saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice try.

[Dave Anthony]

There's really no. He doesn't come up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So remember Dunkirk?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. You guys lost that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, no, but then we got in some houseboats. So.

[Dave Anthony]

I watched that movie and I was like, why is this a movie so funny?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so funny when they do that over like the dumbest thing.

[Dave Anthony]

Dunkirk, we got houseboats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got. Thank God the Germans were so tired.

[Dave Anthony]

Look at us running houseboats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A bunch of the English were fishing.

[Dave Anthony]

William Wilde. Oh, brother of Oscar Wilde, I think.

[Nate Bargatze]

Are we. Do we think that Ms. Frank Leslie was the sister in law of Oscar Wilde? Is that possible?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I think. I think that's what we're learning. Yeah. Yeah, she is. It looks like she is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, well, well.

[Dave Anthony]

We called him Willie. His nickname was Willie. Willie's a bad nickname for a guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Especially an English person, because it is.

[Nate Bargatze]

I know who. I know who else ended up in an ugly picture in the attic. Sometimes we do Frank Leslie.

[Dave Anthony]

Sometimes we do literature jokes on the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. By the way, who's escrowing? I'm the calendar guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. Frank Leslie was a formidable New York publisher who. Who inherited her husband's illustrated newspaper. So there you go. And. And their marriage was short lived and unhappy. There you go. Well, he was a night owl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some people can't handle a Brit.

[Dave Anthony]

No, Brits. Brits are hard to take. Trust me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, worst cocaine I've ever done. England without question.

[Dave Anthony]

Really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without question.

[Dave Anthony]

We're just cut to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was just like. Do you guys know that cocaine's supposed to have effects? It's a big component of the drug. It works. It does something. It's easy to get this everywhere.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, our cocaine would be better because we're closer to the source.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'VE had bad American cocaine is. You're still like, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Like when I was in high school and I went to Florida, I was like, oh, right. Oh. Oh, I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you get the real stuff, you're like, that's better.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like, yeah, it's like going to London and eating Indian food. You're like, oh, America doesn't have Indian food. Really?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or India and eating Indian food.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think that's a place. I haven't been to India, so I can't make that comment. But I hear they don't do good Indian food here's better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In London, when I went to Thailand, I'm not lying. I The worst, the ugliest American. I got a pad Thai and I was like, no. In Hollywood, there's a place. It makes it really good.

[Dave Anthony]

Were you who got spaghetti? Didn't someone buy. Get spaghetti? Capper. Jesus and a lunatic. He's so funny. A snowball starts a fire. Here we go. Okay, this is a headline. A snowball thrown at a telegraph boy by a companion was the cause of a fire Thursday afternoon. The boy, when struck, remarked, that's a good shot, and stooped down to gather snow to return the shot. He stood up almost immediately exclaiming that he was on fire. And it was found to be true. Some matches. Sometimes you get hit by a snowball and then you just burst into flames.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'd be the greatest thing I've ever seen.

[Nate Bargatze]

It really was God's wrath. That boy sounds like a sinner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, hitting a kid with a snowball and he catches on fire. I didn't mean to. No, I really didn't think he would. You're under arrest. You murdered a boy.

[Dave Anthony]

Killed a boy also.

[Nate Bargatze]

Like I'm. It's the. The journalism here. Like. Like it's, you know, like you're in the newsroom and you're like, I'm going to go blow up in the snowball story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then. And then read it again because it's actually the. There's so much that you would love to know, but it was like he caught on fire. There was matches near him.

[Dave Anthony]

The boy, when struck, remarked, that's a good shot, and stooped down to gather snow to return the shot. He stood up almost immediately, exclaiming that he was on fire, and it was found to be true. Some matches in his pocket having ignited by the blow of the snowball and communicated the fire to his clothing. Just. That happens.

[Nate Bargatze]

I feel like saying that's a good shot. It was not. Was an extraneous detail of the narrative here, like, yeah, reporting that somebody said, that's a good shot is getting in the way of the more important questions, which is fire. Why are you fucking on fire?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a horribly written article.

[Dave Anthony]

I want to know why a boy just has a pocket full of matches.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Back then, that was like. That was probably all.

[Dave Anthony]

You probably always had to have matches.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're always like, it could be.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, also, Dave, you have to remember, as a student of American history, that in Louisiana in the 1890s, boys were especially flammable. They were mostly just clothed in. In. In outfits that are. Were made of, like, compressed oil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how gumbo started.

[Dave Anthony]

And they would get up in the morning and dip their clothes in kerosene.

[Nate Bargatze]

Clothing, Kerosene.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go, boy. Off you go to school now, boy. That a boy. Wait a minute. We ain't dunk him in a kerosene just yet. Put those matches up your boy. Every boy's tinder.

[Nate Bargatze]

We. I had seven sons because I kept setting fire to them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you gotta have a few because four's gonna bone.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, this is an article for Gary.

[Nate Bargatze]

I rue the day I set my kid on fire when I was making gumbo. I rue the day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how rue happened.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how they made her first roux.

[Dave Anthony]

You ready? Shouting out a discussion about eggs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, all right. NATO. This is NATO. A strange thing has happened. And now Preston, the guy who's putting these papers together, is clearly leaning. I like eggs. I like an egg. You like an egg, NATO?

[Nate Bargatze]

I sure do.

[Dave Anthony]

How many do you eat a day? Sure, because I like eggs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up.

[Dave Anthony]

I had two eggs today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up. NATO, answer the question.

[Dave Anthony]

How many eggs do you eat a day?

[Nate Bargatze]

When I eat eggs, mostly I will have one.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. How many eggs do you eat, like, in a week?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's the most amount you should eat in a day?

[Nate Bargatze]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you cap yourself at it on a day?

[Nate Bargatze]

I would cap it 3.3cap today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great. And I'm twice your size, so I do six a day. There you go.

[Dave Anthony]

How many a week do you do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's for NATO.

[Dave Anthony]

That's for. That's for both of you. How many eggs do you eat in a week?

[Nate Bargatze]

Also three.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Gareth, how many eggs do you eat in a week?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, he's 18th of my size, so I'll. Yeah, I mean, right around the 42 mark.

[Nate Bargatze]

For the listeners at home, Gareth is much smaller than me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do a coop's worth.

[Dave Anthony]

How are your bms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do. I do a BM in the pm.

[Nate Bargatze]

I now, like, I, you know, I'll make a frittata. I'll make a Spanish tortilla.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave, we all have stuff.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you ever seen a grown man at a gas station get out of the old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got like, oh, this is like the same story, dude. Nobody wants to hear it anymore.

[Dave Anthony]

A hard boiled egg on the bumper of the van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hard boilers, like, that's normal.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you ever seen a hard boiler?

[Nate Bargatze]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, say you're in Ohio at a gas station gassing up your tour van and a man that you're in the tour van with jumps out and cracks an egg on the back bumper. What do you do?

[Nate Bargatze]

I. I would say, why the bumper?

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say hard surface cracks shells.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, but why not any other part of the van?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I was trying to get laid. Was that a 76? Looking to score chicks, dude? Huh?

[Nate Bargatze]

Did it work?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. Still here, aren't I?

[Dave Anthony]

What does that mean? Hey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Still breathing.

[Dave Anthony]

A heated discussion about eggs took place in a downtown office and an argument as to the price resulted in a Delmonico diner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the first pass.

[Dave Anthony]

Dinner. Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dinner. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. One of the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bet it's going to be eggs for dinner. Are you allowed to do it? And the answer is yes.

[Dave Anthony]

One of the disputants maintained that eggs cost him 5 cents a piece of. Another declared the price to be 4 cents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

While the third insisted that they were selling at 41 cents a dozen. Do the math quick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To what today?

[Dave Anthony]

41 cents a dozen for what? How many? How many egg.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How much?

[Nate Bargatze]

Prague.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that 20 cents?

[Dave Anthony]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three cents? Three and a half.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Closer. The five cent man said. He referred to Long island eggs laid yesterday. Whereupon the third man undertook to prove that the hens did not. Yesterday it was too cold. Do they slow down their. They do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that why they're all in those little terrible tent hat warehouse. He sort of open running around places.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Free range.

[Dave Anthony]

Those are free ranges.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Technically, that is free range.

[Dave Anthony]

That is free range. Because they're not in cages.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If there's like a window slat open, they're like, look at the free range. Now. Vacuum them up. Nature's beautiful.

[Nate Bargatze]

It is beautiful if there's just somebody walking by. Just like free range. Blowing on the

[Gareth Reynolds]

free rage.

[Dave Anthony]

The discussion brought out the fact that limed eggs are worth about two thirds as much as strictly fresh Long island eggs.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's. This is a heated discussion. In Louisiana. Eggs are 5 cents. Break a bottle over the Bar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they're lamed. They are lambda eggs. As all those boys are walking the streets ablaze lambd eggs. Are you looking at lime bags?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, they're pickled. Do you like pickled eggs?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

This week, one of my kids made an egg curry for dinner.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, interesting.

[Nate Bargatze]

That was tasty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's pretty. How many eggs is he throwing in there?

[Nate Bargatze]

Eight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eight eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

But he didn't eat them all by himself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

NATO. Hold on a second.

[Dave Anthony]

That's four. That's two eggs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The math part of two eggs. A person for dinner. It was a dinner. Eggs. Then you had your breakfast, then your lunch eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

If an egg has a soapy taste, it is a limed egg. That is. It has been packed in lime. The New York Tribune. Packed in lime. That's not pickled. That's lime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Soapy taste.

[Dave Anthony]

Why would you pack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's like soapy egg.

[Dave Anthony]

So it's like. It would be a citrusy egg if it's limed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'm trying it. I don't. I agree. Yum.

[Nate Bargatze]

That sounds like. Like an egg ceviche.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, take me there.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What name? Let's play a game. We'll do it after we record. But you try to pitch away. The eggs are prepared and we see if I eat it.

[Dave Anthony]

Egg pudding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Steak and eggs. Yes. But no steak. You can have that flan. Yes. Yes. I'm gonna get my egg flom. Yes. 100.

[Dave Anthony]

Would you eat an egg?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Cooked in beef fat. Well, that within your.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd ask to not be told.

[Nate Bargatze]

Are you vegetarian?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm mainly vegetarian. Sometimes there's chicken now.

[Dave Anthony]

We've gone through a lot of phases. We went through a vegan phase and

[Gareth Reynolds]

now vegan was hard.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Vegans is very difficult.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A doctor said I had to get. Had to have. So I said I. I conceded that I would have some chicken.

[Nate Bargatze]

Speaking of people who won't shut up about stuff, a vegan on an ayahuasca journey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been him. Let me tell you. All you need is love, man.

[Dave Anthony]

A sign of mental debility.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this the same article?

[Dave Anthony]

It's about egg eaters. Yeah. When a man at the theater hums the airs as the orchestra plays them and moreover marks the time by tapping with his foot. It is a sign that he is in the last stages of mental debility.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So humming means you're out of your mind.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you're humming and you're tapping your foot. Wait, generally you would say that that's like a guy having an enjoyable time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Back then especially, there was nothing.

[Nate Bargatze]

Experiencing pleasure is a sign of mental disability.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That truly. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, oh, boy, that's a red flag.

[Dave Anthony]

I think you're supposed to. Because it's the theater. You're supposed to sit there quietly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, this is during the production, I guess. Oh, that. You know what? I actually. I don't care for that, to be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I remember a time when I. Because when I was living in New York so late 90s, I was like, oh, I can't go to the theater anymore because people keep talking to the actors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Talking in what way? Like disruptive or.

[Dave Anthony]

They're just like the, the, the, the. I remember very specifically, I was at a play at how Linda was in it, and. And people were talking back to the character, and I was just like, what are we doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Dave Anthony]

And then. And then I went to a couple more and I'm like, people keep saying stuff to the actors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I remember my mother. My mother would hum something she'd never like. She would be hearing something for the first time and be humming as well.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I'd be like, how do you

[Dave Anthony]

hum with something you've never heard?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it would be like, you know, there would be. I don't know. She just would. She'd be like, we're all doing our own thing. They've got this produced track, and I'm Pam.

[Dave Anthony]

Shouldn't humming be illegal?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. Whistling should be illegal. Humming should be. You know, it's you. You're on a watch list.

[Dave Anthony]

NATO. When's the last time you heard, like, a guy, like, just walking around whistling? It's kind of gone. Right.

[Nate Bargatze]

I. I live in San Francisco. I have guys walking around saying all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Just making sounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. No, we know a whistler.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

This. This 1893, Louisiana is immediately before jazz was invented in Louisiana.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So whistling and humming led us to this.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. So, like, there's humming and foot tapping and people are like, this sucks. You're mentally disabled. Or. And then he's like, I'm Louis Armstrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. This might just be a racist piece.

[Dave Anthony]

It could be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. This guy keeps going that. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, the flip out over, like, ragtime music and stuff gets really crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every genre of music, weren't they like, that's it. It's over.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. They lose their. They're just like, we're making it illegal in our town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's disgusting.

[Nate Bargatze]

Every generation has their own footloose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It was. It was like, right. And they were like, oh, my God, I remember rap when I was a kid. They were like, oh, boy, bad news.

[Dave Anthony]

I was. I took a. In community college. I took some sort of music history class, and the teacher was like, this rap will be gone in three years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best.

[Dave Anthony]

It is a good omen for the proprietor of a private lunatic asylum. So they're saying if you hum, you should literally be put away in a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, in a.

[Nate Bargatze]

For humming in a private lunatic asylum. Like, there's a guy in Louisiana being like, honey, I want to get into the lunatic asylum business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have the spare room. I know we wanted to rent it out, but could we just make it a play? A place for hummers to go?

[Nate Bargatze]

I used to be an English teacher, but I decided to pivot to lunatic asylums.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When we open the blinds, it's called the free range asylum.

[Dave Anthony]

Eating out of troughs. You're intrigued.

[Nate Bargatze]

Are there eggs in them?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're gonna find out.

[Dave Anthony]

All the men employed on the Manesch estate in Sicily sleep on the property of on weeknights and tramp back to town for Sunday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so far, I love it. I really do.

[Dave Anthony]

But so far, that's, like, probably not very uncommon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I bet it's awesome. I bet you have a great weekend out.

[Dave Anthony]

But you only have Sunday. See, you're only going home for Sunday. So what if you have a family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sucker. Light them up. Throw a snowball there.

[Dave Anthony]

Will you miss the eight egg? What was it that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Curry?

[Dave Anthony]

Curry. I mean, you might miss the. It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Believe me, I. First of all, children from Eggs. Ever thought about that?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the gift that keeps on giving. Eggs are involved in every part of society. That's important.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, but you're not eating children, Gareth, and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't. You don't know that. First of all. You don't know that.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And second of all, are we. You know, is it weird to. Anyway, go ahead now I'm an Epstein email. I gotta eat the kids eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

Their food is provided for them during the week. In the morning, they each have a large chunk of brown bread baked on the spot. A herring or a sardine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yum. That's a good breakfast. Well, that's a little fish toast. All right, I'm ready to work.

[Dave Anthony]

Freshly baked bread sounds pretty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Throw some tinned fish on there. Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

I'll get done with the sardine.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, sure. And as much wine as one can drink at a draft.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So that's, by the way, morning wine. Yeah, let's go.

[Nate Bargatze]

Morning wine.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fill them with A fish. And then I get them drunk and then they're gonna go to work

[Dave Anthony]

in the evening.

[Nate Bargatze]

Does this story ever have a Louisiana connection?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. No. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Sometimes they just write about other places.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

They ran out of stuff and make stuff up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

In the evening they feed like animals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

There are wooden troughs on trestles in the open air, arranged around three sides of a square and filled with all sorts of pasta that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this has got to be written just from the POV of an American who's never been to Europe. It's just like they're eating spaghetti out of wooden troughs like pigs. The boss slaps the Sicilians.

[Dave Anthony]

The men stand around the troughs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's gonna be a good dinner.

[Dave Anthony]

And feed with their fingers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is so crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, this is the time when Italians are like really looked down upon a

[Nate Bargatze]

lot of races and they hadn't invented the fork twirly thing yet.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they didn't know this. So, you know, as Italians, they just couldn't understand any sort of silver situation. So they just dig in with their

[Gareth Reynolds]

pulling spaghetti out of their piggy troughs. That is a good dinner. That's right. Piggy's back to work. I got enough questions.

[Dave Anthony]

I got a spice meatball here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a soft good, huh?

[Dave Anthony]

It is in vain that their master has tried to induce them to eat out of plates with spoons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I tried to make them eat off of plates, but they just. These attacks Italians just won't take to American culture.

[Dave Anthony]

They only eat out of the trough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We like it a better.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a better because at the end of your shirt is a napkin, right? That's right, my little Italian boy. There you go.

[Nate Bargatze]

Stop giving me the spoon. I want a fork, please. I'm gonna eat with my hand only. No plates. If you keep giving me spoons, even a spork would do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the bet. Hey, could any get a better than this? These foolish Italians, they broke the plates

[Dave Anthony]

and threw the spoons away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever bring a plate of here again and you're gonna. We're gonna cut a you.

[Dave Anthony]

We eat out of the trough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're a truffle based animal.

[Dave Anthony]

Presumably their idea is that sometimes there are lumps in the food which filling with their fingers they are able to seize upon. So securing a large share.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like how a baby eats.

[Dave Anthony]

So made up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

It's so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the only way to mash up at the chunky pieces. That's why we squeeze it. You Squeeze. And it's a nice little squishy for your friend. Oh, it's a griddle squishing for your friend.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm looking for the pasta lumper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go. Could someone mash it down with a spoon? You get out of. Out of here. A spoon. God gave us two spoons.

[Dave Anthony]

Throw the plate at it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're out of here. Throw the plate at our head.

[Dave Anthony]

This is the kind of article we now get about Chinese and North Koreans.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it just sort of like, we're always pitching it. We're just like, who do we hate? The Russians are eating with their hands from a trough Again. Whoever it is, just the rotating wheel of ism.

[Dave Anthony]

The doctor will not sell. This is out of. This is Dr. Oz. This is a story from Massachusetts. A Lowell, Massachusetts man gave a surgeon now practicing at Great Falls, New Hampshire, a deed some years ago, disposing of his body for anatomical purposes at his death for $10, cash in hand. Okay. So you get my body to experiment on. Give me 10 bucks. That's a good deal. How much would you sell your body for right now?

[Nate Bargatze]

My body when I'm dead. 10 bucks down.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you can. I don't give a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I want a bunch of eggs in my trough.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey.

[Nate Bargatze]

I want to be able to squeeze them to find the lumps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to be able to squeeze them to make. It's called making an egg of curry.

[Dave Anthony]

I have an idea for your funeral in. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fill me with eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

We put you in a cast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We put a bunch of eggs in me.

[Dave Anthony]

We put you in a casket. We flip you over and everybody gets to put eggs in you. And we all try to. Everyone who is at the service takes one egg and pops it in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it. Why don't we do it like this to figure out who pays for the funeral. There will be a thousand eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you keep putting them in me until one pops out of my mouth and that person has to pay.

[Nate Bargatze]

Okay, I have a. I have a competing pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Nate Bargatze]

For Garrett's funeral. Open casket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Nate Bargatze]

We scoop out the inside of G's body. Cavity loving. Fill it with cocaine. Fill it with cocaine.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Nate Bargatze]

The guests all do the blow.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Nate Bargatze]

And then we have the longest eulogies ever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like, but NATO, the A. I'm kind of missing a little egg. Are you doing anything with eggs?

[Nate Bargatze]

I really want to. I wanted to take the cocaine direct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the cocaine direction, but I'm

[Nate Bargatze]

just thinking maybe you want some egg cocaine crossover.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, you've hollowed me out. We've done all the blow. Maybe we fill me with a bunch of egg salad. Maybe put a bunch of egg salad in me deviled eggs or something.

[Dave Anthony]

Once the coke is done, then we fill them up with eggs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's. That's great. Yeah, I like that.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they slow while you're doing the blow. You could start hard boiling because you're gonna need a lot. I'm gonna be real empty.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. How long do you hard boil your eggs?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, what is. What is this? An egg pack?

[Dave Anthony]

How.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How white, how yellow you want your yolk? How runny.

[Dave Anthony]

Pretty. Yeah. Not yet. Not runny. I want it. I want a hard 10. 10?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, look at your hard and 10. You can give me a hard and 10, no problem. What?

[Dave Anthony]

Our guest is growing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a good promotion for your stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

He has since been in South America, has made a great deal of money, and is now anxious to have a decent funeral and internment when he dies. But council, whom he has consulted, advises him that the deed holds good unless he buys it from the holder. And this he has tried to do, but the doctor has refused large offers. Okay, so he sold when he didn't have a lot of money, sold his body post. Post life. And then, then he made a lot of money. He's like, I don't want my body to be used by a doctor. I don't care. Do people care about their bodies? I don't understand why. Yeah, I never understood why people give a. When they're like, oh, I think we

[Gareth Reynolds]

all picture ourselves going level. Not all, but I think like the youthful interpretation is you go to another place and you want your body intact. But yeah, it doesn't matter.

[Dave Anthony]

I think the coolest way is the Tibetans are leaving for the birds to eat. You seen that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought that. Weren't they the ones who did the 69 with their best friend?

[Dave Anthony]

I think you're thinking of Peruvians.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the one. Dave and I have already decided we're. We're gonna be very 69 in the same casket. Well, you don't like that one? Have we lost our Peruvian base?

[Dave Anthony]

That's. That's. That's based on fish. Fish thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It would be nice to have a highlight of NATO's groans during the last 10 minutes.

[Dave Anthony]

He's upset about the Peruvian thing. Yeah, look, we're just talking, you know, burial. Everyone has burial rituals.

[Nate Bargatze]

Guys, Guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Nate Bargatze]

It's called the cesente nueve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, that would be like an Indiana Jones character. Just someone like. This is what does it Mean, what

[Dave Anthony]

would be amazing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Looking at hieroglyphics. Wait a minute.

[Dave Anthony]

Flip him their mouth to amazing for some Indiana Jones. Some guy's digging up like an old site. They just come across two people say,

[Gareth Reynolds]

better than, oh, my God. We have to just for comedy. Look, it's all ending. Can we just start burying ourselves with our friends in 69s? Just so when aliens come here, they're like. Or when you know, a lost civilization,

[Nate Bargatze]

there's like certain bones missing. Like, we've been able to recover 69% of the skeleton.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just archaeologists in the future. Another one.

[Dave Anthony]

God, this is really. This whole society was really.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's a sign at the end of the civilization that people just. 69.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how we knew they were ending. Well, that could be like. I mean, that is like at funerals. Like, and to save money, we would recommend that when your mother also passes, we'll put her in the casket in

[Nate Bargatze]

the family,

[Gareth Reynolds]

fit in there. We're gonna need to go.

[Nate Bargatze]

I think you should pitch that to nursing homes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're so. And we can do that. Or there is a discounted option where we will bury your father with another. His best friend at the home. And we're gonna do a head to dick. We do a head to dick and again, they're dead, so who cares? It's just. It's easier to close the casket. It's like a suitcase when you kind of finally pack proper. So we're gonna put your dad's head on his best friend's dick or his best friend's head on your dad's dick, depending on who goes first. And that's just $4,000 a month for that option.

[Dave Anthony]

A month?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah, but I mean, everything else.

[Dave Anthony]

Subscription.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a subscription.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's a subscription to death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

You know what?

[Dave Anthony]

I'm surprised they haven't. I guarantee you right now they're thinking about how to do a subscription draw.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grasping at this point is what? Yeah, exactly. It's like when someone's pitching like a standing airline. You'll be standing. We also offer the 69 coach. Have you heard of that? That's when you face the dick with another pass.

[Dave Anthony]

I know this person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we have a whole thing where we're trying to match them, but probably it's just going to be size based.

[Dave Anthony]

What do you mean, size based?

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, that guy's eating a lot of eggs and he would love to have you down there.

[Dave Anthony]

Is there. I heard that there's a cheaper ass to face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is ass to mouth. But that. Yeah, that's. But that's international only.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Well, I guess I'm just going to stick. I'm just going to stick to the human centipede train.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okie dokie.

[Dave Anthony]

Mexican streetcars. This is not going to go well. Whatever the story is, it's not going to go well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

In Mexico, you can hire a streetcar and ride all over town in it for a whole day by yourself for $3 and 50 cents. And you can stop at any one place for two hours without extra charge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounds great. It's like a train cruise.

[Dave Anthony]

What's the big. Why is this a story?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because it's way cheaper. It's way better. Mexico's already better.

[Dave Anthony]

I know, but what they're. This isn't a story. It's just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just. You get like a cab for a day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but it's cheaper. NATO, right? It's like tourism.

[Nate Bargatze]

I. I was imag. I was imagining like a trolley. So like, you just. It's like a hop on, hop off. It's on a cab because a cab can turn around corners. This is a trolley that has one route and you get it to yourself.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep.

[Nate Bargatze]

And then you can leave your eggs on the trolley when you get off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Weird. You need them with you to know you have them. But I hear everything up until then.

[Dave Anthony]

What about this? What about an egg cruise?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Absolutely. Perfect. Yes.

[Nate Bargatze]

So you're like cocktails that have like mixed drinks that have like. Like an egg white in them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I don't love it, but I'm not opposed to it at all. To me, I just go, why are we wasting it on a drink? Let me get drunk and have scrambled eggs. But if you insist. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you have a favorite part of the egg? The yolk or the white?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gosh, the shell's beautiful. I've eaten.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the craziest thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, gosh. I. I don't know. The whole thing works in. It's like saying, you know, do you like the moon or the sun? Like, I need both.

[Dave Anthony]

Both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want both.

[Dave Anthony]

Not only that, your friends can hire a whole new train of these streetcars for your funeral at low rates.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice.

[Dave Anthony]

This took a turn. We went from, hey, what about a nice day on a. On a streetcar to like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you.

[Dave Anthony]

If you die. Hell yeah, that too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Funeral procession.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no other city in the world where you can have such a big funeral with a great deal of show for so little money. As in the City of Mexico.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what to do with Trump when he's done. We need to prop him up on a trolley and just send him around town.

[Dave Anthony]

I think we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we. And then we shoot flaming arrows into it.

[Dave Anthony]

I think we should be allowed to be able to throw shit at him when he does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nate, what is. What do you think is going to happen first? That you'll record your new album or that Trump will pass away?

[Nate Bargatze]

Do you know about this? This, like, which prediction?

[Dave Anthony]

Intrigued.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like.

[Nate Bargatze]

Like multiple people have sent me this thing that circulating the Internet that there's, like, witches that think that Trump is going to die on Tuesday, on February 17, Lunar New Year.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, there's a bunch of witches that think that.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are they ready for how excited the streets will be when he dies?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. The right wing has no idea what's going on.

[Nate Bargatze]

I am excited for the idea of Trump to die next week. On the other hand, I am terrified at the idea of witches being fucking insufferable for the next thousand years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'll be so big for the witches if they nail that one. Holy fuck.

[Nate Bargatze]

We told you. We told you about crystals. We told you about dream catchers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just. My witch has become insufferable since then. And when we predicted the Trump death. Yeah, I know.

[Dave Anthony]

Here we go again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Well, maybe you should buy me another cauldron now that I get everything right.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, look, who should have listened to

[Gareth Reynolds]

their witch eat your eye of newt. I know what I'm talking about. That would be amazing.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, when he dies, it's going to be like Mardi Gras.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And we all know Vance is kind. It's not even about. But it's gonna be the best.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, I mean, like, Vance is such a. Like the little, like, yappy dog in the old cartoons.

[Dave Anthony]

He's just.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hey, guys. What's up, guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Everyone in America is going to be going down on each other in the streets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna be like a parental funeral.

[Dave Anthony]

It's gonna be like that famous picture When World War II ended, the guy kissing the girl. But it's just gonna be people blowing each other everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone's sucking everyone off. I didn't know you were gay. I'm not Trump that.

[Dave Anthony]

Deaf persons and the telephone.

[Nate Bargatze]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This cannot be sensitive.

[Dave Anthony]

Professor Lano of Leon says that persons whose organ of hearing is not perfectly sound should avoid the telephone.

[Nate Bargatze]

Pun intended.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Honestly.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, of course they should avoid the telephone. They can't use it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a theory. It My opinion. It is so important for Them to not use it because they're not going to be able to use it.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

Nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even.

[Dave Anthony]

As. Even in a comparatively robust organ, its continuous use is followed by symptoms more or less grave. Cephalia, vertigo, hyper anesthesia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So deaf people don't use the phone because there could be con. Further consequences.

[Dave Anthony]

They're going to get vertigo and sometimes disturbances, which.

[Nate Bargatze]

It sounds like there's another problem. The deaf guy used the phone and then died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

What. What's happening here? Is he saying if you try to use a phone and you're deaf, then things will get like. You'll have all these other issues selling

[Gareth Reynolds]

it to them, but it follows on their ears. They don't pay attention.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know, man. That was really crazy. All right, one last one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Strange.

[Dave Anthony]

Mr. A. Gates of Philadelphia has invented an elevated electric car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Elevator. Electric car.

[Dave Anthony]

It is suspended 20ft in the air.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Dave Anthony]

And moves on overhead wires. Just. Just so we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is an Elon Musk thing.

[Dave Anthony]

This is absolutely not a car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think by 2028, we'll have all cars on wires.

[Dave Anthony]

So we just put wires all over every city. And then we have cars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could tell it took off because of how many there are now. Wire cars.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's just a ski lift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is a ski lift. That is all it is. A ski lift for your car.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eastern driving.

[Dave Anthony]

Eastern cat. This is hyperloop. Eastern capitalists will test the car on a line that will be constructed between New York and Philadelphia. Oh, no, they won't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they won't. No, they didn't. It is hyperloop.

[Dave Anthony]

But then he get. But then he puts up. He puts it up and he goes, oh, we got a problem. Because I gotta get. I gotta. Poles, Keep the wire up. So the car only goes from one pole to the other, and then we gotta take it down and put it back up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna start doing this, but on the moon.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that was insane. That was a. That is so musk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God. The. The pivot. His pivoting now to the moon. The moon.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The thing that's great about him is that he's not gonna live too much longer from all the ketamine abuse. So, you know, he's able to buy himself more time because every. Every year he's doing so much in the next year. Yeah, it should be by. Probably by the end of the year.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's gonna be another celebration.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, NATO, we hope Trump passes away before your. Your album what are you calling the album? Do you have a title?

[Nate Bargatze]

The tour has been called in the Darkest Hour, so there's a good chance that the album will be called that. It will really. I mean, I'll take one for the team. It's an hour of political comedy, and so it would really fuck up my shit if Trump died before the taping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is brutal. I recorded mine not too long ago. And the middle is all about billionaires. And I'm like, man, they. They. They're. The Epstein emails are now have soured so much or like, Jesus Christ, they just don't stop. Yeah, they. They just. There's no bottom to their evil. But. Well, then I guess, for your sake, are you willing to go on record and say that you hope Trump lives?

[Nate Bargatze]

You know? No, I. I mean, I will. I. I am willing to sacrifice the quality of my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Nate Bargatze]

And the timeliness of my album.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a guy.

[Nate Bargatze]

For the greater good and throw in with the witches.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a guy. Yeah. You know, might not be a bad idea to start thinking of just because of the witch predictions. It might be.

[Nate Bargatze]

Think of a pivot to a. To a Crowd work album.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what do you do? I had a whole thing written, and then Trump died last Tuesday.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, and I, like, I'm not a. I'm not a crowd work guy. And so, like, my crowd works predictably is like. Anyone here have any fucked up medical stories you want to share? I'll do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's better, though. That is better. Any witches here tonight? Any witches make any predictions? I do a lot of egg stuff.

[Nate Bargatze]

A lot of. A lot of egg based crowd work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are your favorite way to have eggs served? People like, dude, stop. What do you like? Hard boiled.

[Nate Bargatze]

Okay. How do you get potassium?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, wow. Dough. You love your cholesterol. Well, NATO people should go watch. You should go. See you in Sacramento, in Los Angeles, and always a pleasure and thank you for doing political standup. We need. We need you, NATO.

[Nate Bargatze]

Thank you so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need you more than the actual NATO, according to Trump.

[Dave Anthony]

Indeed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, bud and people, thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

You are here for the people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, what's up, doll heads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Doll up, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give it up and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to giveitupfilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th. Is the main screening, so go to Give It Up. Also, if you like stand up comedy February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th and February 7th, three shows that night. Then I'll be at flappers in Burbank, February 21, Bakersfield, February 27 for two shows, I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21 Bricktown, comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22 Dallas, Texas, April 23 Tyler, Texas, April 24. Finally, Houston, April 25, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26 and then San Antonio April 28 and Tucson April 29. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. But also, if you want to go see my movie and you're in the san Jose area, giveitupfilm.com.