164 - The Past Times with Cameron Logsdon

Summary

The Dollop – Episode 164: The Past Times with Cameron Logsdon

Date: March 6, 2026
Podcast Hosts: Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Cameron Logsdon
Theme: Comedians Dave and Gareth are joined by stand-up Cameron Logsdon to riff through curious news stories from a 1909 Omaha newspaper, blending historical oddity with irreverent banter.

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "The Past Times," Gareth and Dave welcome comedian Cameron Logsdon to sift through a historic newspaper. The three comedians offer their signature blend of wit, skeptical curiosity, and absurdity as they examine headlines and stories from the March 21, 1909, Omaha Sunday World Herald. Expect frequent digressions, playful insults, and modern comparisons, all enveloped in their conversational comedic tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Podcasting Boom and Celebrity Takeover (02:16–05:16)

• The trio kicks off reflecting on the current oversaturated podcast landscape.
• Dave jokes about requiring “death matches” to start a new podcast:
  Dave (03:32): “Now with the new laws, you gotta kill a podcaster to start a new one.”
• Gareth laments famous comedians and celebrities flooding the space:
  Gareth (04:47): “It’s like when LeBron does McDonald’s commercials. I’m like, no, no, no, not okay.”

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2. Guessing the Era – 1909 and Omaha Nostalgia (05:23–07:56)

• Cameron wins the game of guessing the newspaper’s year.
• The hosts recall Omaha’s steak reputation and local comedy circuit stories about excessive steak gifts.
• Gareth (07:01): “They have good steaks and they also have pie.”
• Cameron bemoans never having received free steak as a comic.

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3. Fierce Battle of Pitchforks (08:27–14:14)

• The first news story: Four farmers in Iowa fight violently with pitchforks.
• Notable Banter:
  • Gareth: “I guess this is the last straw for them.” [10:56]
  • Dave: “His brain pierced is such a 1909 way of being a doctor... His brain got pierced, so he can’t think. No more.” [10:00]
• The group discusses the logistics of piercing a brain with a pitchfork and riff on “tines”.
  • Dave (14:06): “A tine is a sharp, slender, pointed prong... found on items like forks, pitchforks, combs, and deer antlers.”
• Cameron feigns Omaha loyalty: “Farm puns. Sensitive territory for my people from Omaha.” [11:08]

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4. Small Has His Troubles – 1909 Adultery Scandal (14:24–17:26)

• News item about Charles Small’s convoluted marital issues and accusations of adultery.
• The group tries to untangle the relationships and legal implications, humorously speculating about missing murder motives and the “tine” metaphor’s sexual connotations.
  • Cameron (17:34): “Don’t you want the judge to say, how’d that guy die? Isn’t that the bigger mystery here?”

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5. The 1349 Gallstones Surgery (18:30–27:51)

• Article: A woman in Wichita has 1,349 gallstones removed.
• The comedians are astounded and visualize comedic outcomes:
  • Gareth (19:41): “That’s buckshot.”
  • Jokes about the patient feeling lighter and relief analogies (like ridding oneself of “bugs up the nose”).
  • Cameron (27:48): “There’s as many gallstones as there are stars in the sky.”
• Discussion dissolves into body horror and gross-out humor about old-timey medicine and bug infestations.

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6. Crime & Forgiveness When Drunk (28:22–32:03)

• News item: A bank cashier returns stolen money, blames drunkenness, and isn’t prosecuted.
• Gareth (28:25): “I relate to this very strong, totally allowable.”
• Detailed debate: which crimes society will forgive if you were drunk (theft—maybe; murder—never).
• The three are amazed that the bank simply accepts the excuse and the money’s return: “That sounds pretty reasonable.” [32:30]

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7. Spurious Ketchup Dumped at Sea (33:04–36:59)

• Federal agents throw over 15,600 bottles of “spurious ketchup” into Rhode Island’s Narragansett Bay for mislabeling.
• Jokes about Boston Tea Party parallels and gross diner ketchup practices.
  • Gareth (34:06): “This is kindergarteners’ Boston Tea Party.”
• Gareth admits to painstakingly refilling ketchup bottles with packets at home, much to Dave and Cameron’s disbelief (lengthy comedic grilling ensues).

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8. A National Kiss – The Iron Duke Smacks a Heroine (41:24–45:57)

• Story: Speaker ‘The Iron Duke’ Cannon gives a medal—and a kiss—to young heroine Mary McCabe.
• The group mocks the paternalism and skeeviness of public male kisses as reward:
  • Dave (43:50): “It was an odd situation for Uncle Joe, but he never had a better grip on anything than on that girl’s face. Jesus.”
  • Gareth (44:01): “At what point am I supposed to be both sympathetic and pleased by this story?”
• They reference Richard Dawson’s old Family Feud kisses, and skewer America’s long tradition of public creepiness.

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9. Stray Bullet in Chicago & Milwaukee Spelling Bee (47:20–49:52)

• A young man claims he was shot by a stray bullet but police are dubious—which leads to an aside about spelling Milwaukee (with Gareth sharing a humiliating spelling bee anecdote).

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10. Fistfight Challenge: Editor vs. Preacher (52:55–57:14)

• Final article: A local editor and a reverend may have a bare-knuckle basement fight—with the reverend putting a $10 bounty on the editor.
  • Gareth (53:30): “Basements should be for fist fighting.”
  • Calls for more fighting reverends and editors becoming folk heroes.
  • Cameron (54:21): “I do want the reverend to fight the battle himself, period.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave (03:32): “With the new laws, you gotta kill a podcaster to start a new one.”
• Gareth (10:00): “His brain got pierced, so he can’t think. No more.”
• Cameron (14:07): “They said people in the Midwest don’t have a good vocabulary… 1909.”
• Dave (17:13): “Smalls must be... good at delivering some tines.”
• Gareth (28:25): “I relate to this. Very strong, totally allowable.”
• Gareth (34:06): “This is kindergarteners’ Boston Tea Party.”
• Dave (43:50): “...he never had a better grip on anything than on that girl’s face. Jesus.”
• Gareth (53:30): “Basements should be for fist fighting.”

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Important Timestamps

• [03:32] – Discussion about podcast market “death matches”
• [05:42] – Year guessing game & Omaha nostalgia
• [08:27] – Pitchfork battle story
• [14:24] – The “Small has his troubles” adultery tale
• [18:30] – 1,300+ gallstones surgery story
• [28:22] – Forgiving crime committed while drunk
• [33:04] – Spurious ketchup dumped into the sea
• [41:24] – Iron Duke kisses hero
• [47:20] – Stray bullet story, Milwaukee spelling aside
• [52:55] – Editor vs. preacher fistfight challenge

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, digressive, self-aware, and laden with mockery—equally at the expense of long-dead Midwesterners, 1909 journalism, and the hosts themselves. Listeners are left with both a skewering of the American mythos and loving mockery of historical oddities.

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Where to Find Cameron Logsdon

• Website & Tour: Cameronlogsdon.com
• Social Media: @CameronLogsdon (everywhere)

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End Note

Fans of The Dollop will appreciate this installment’s absurdist take on history, with guest Cameron Logsdon slotting in perfectly to the dynamic. From pitchfork duels to the meaninglessness of celebrity podcasts, it’s an episode that blends deep-cut historic oddities with sharp modern satire.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th will be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloPPodcast.com tour for tickets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Cameron Logsdon]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I'll go to the pastime. It's a podcast. We're doing it. Listen, you know what we do here each week? You guys, you guys love it. Hey, Dave. They're here because they already know it.

[Dave Anthony]

What does that even mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But for those of you who aren't familiar, here's the ruse to this one. Everybody's got a podcast. You ever find that everyone has a podcast? Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Cameron Logsdon. Cameron, thank you for being here.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Hey, thanks for having me, guys. This is a lot of fun. I like going back in time. It was good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you having fun already?

[Cameron Logsdon]

I'm having fun already. I mean, so far I'm already reflecting on the moments we've had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like when you did the intro so far.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah, I mean, you know, mostly you guys talking has been, I mean, really, really key.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Cameron Logsdon]

You should do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that really means a lot. Like, we've been pretty down about it.

[Dave Anthony]

Is this your favorite podcast you've ever been on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, yeah, we'll cut out this part.

[Cameron Logsdon]

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, besides Rogan, what are some

[Gareth Reynolds]

other podcasts you've been On Cameron?

[Cameron Logsdon]

Well, I was Rogan, there was Theo Vaughn, but only while I was running.

[Gareth Reynolds]

True or false Theo run. Theo Von can't be racist because he's kind of dim. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't think he's allowed to be racist because he doesn't get it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a question we're facing. Can a dumb guy be racist?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can a shucker say the N word on an all new pastime? Cameron, where can people find you? Where can people consume you in a non cannibalistic fashion?

[Cameron Logsdon]

No, cannibalistic also, hey, you know, whatever is in vogue. I'm Cameron Logson on social media and Cameronlogson.com is my website if you want to find out where I'm going to be performing, stand up, doing live shows and dates and so yeah, just kind of stuff. Same first name, last name, everywhere you can look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

L, O G S D O N. That's correct.

[Dave Anthony]

And you don't have a podcast?

[Cameron Logsdon]

I don't have a podcast. I've been, you know, waiting for more opportunities to, to be here and just, you know, get a feel for it. It's hard to meet your idols.

[Dave Anthony]

What do you do right now with the new laws? You gotta kill a podcaster to start a new one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're tapped. We've got, we've had enough. I sort of thing. It is so weird to be in podcasting as long as we have been and to just endlessly. I mean part of it is that, you know, we're friends with comedians.

[Dave Anthony]

It used to be a noble profession.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like at this point I really am just like, what's next? This has got to stop. This is just so dumb at this point where it's just like literally endless booking conversation into micro. It's just, I don't know, there should be a light. You have to get a license. You should have to. There should be a point. There should be some sort of entry point into this.

[Dave Anthony]

I think it should be to the death.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Are you past the peak? I mean, is, is the peak of podcasting in behind us? I mean, or are we in the Renaissance? Is it still happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I, I think we're maybe peaking.

[Dave Anthony]

I think it peaked for people who aren't known, but I think the Amy Poehlers of the world can jump in and just take off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, isn't that great? Hey, rich lady, stay the fuck out of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For everybody else, it's so good to be like have, like to have conquered entertainment and Then just on top of that, just be like, I'm bored. Just cuz. Just cuz I'm gonna. I'm gonna take hello fresh money out of Dave Anthony's pocket for a change. And then we're sitting there going like, I mean, it's really cool. Like all the onions are chopped for you. Like you have a personal chef. It's like when LeBron does McDonald's commercials. I'm like, no, no, no, not okay.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Cameron. Well, we're gonna go through this old newspaper.

[Cameron Logsdon]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And you're gonna get to guess a year. What this, what year this paper is from. I'm gonna do the same. You'll start. It's. There's a whole reason behind it. It's not worth getting into. But. But it could be from the 1700s, 1800s, 1900s. Probably gonna be in that zone. But just any year, no context. Guess.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I mean, I don't know. I'm feeling. I'm feeling a little modern, a little metropolitan. I'm go,

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. It's a good guess. It's a great guess. Yeah, it's a really good guess. Did I tell you I'm gonna start doing Dave Portnoy pizza reviews on the street? I'm gonna guess 1888.

[Dave Anthony]

You're wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is it?

[Dave Anthony]

It is 1909, Cameron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Legit wins.

[Dave Anthony]

Legit win, as usual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Legit one. I'm actually gonna start doing spaghetti reviews on the street by my hand.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just gonna go, oh, no, Cameron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good bounce.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you get confused with Cameron Esposito a lot?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably, yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

That happens all the time. Mostly our voice and stature.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Too many cameras in the business, it seems. I think it's like the podcasting of names.

[Dave Anthony]

Shouldn't they have to fight to the death, all the cameras?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Seems like you've got a theme. And it's. Dave's going through some personal stuff. It's coming out a lot in his pitches.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Just wants to see some action, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he's just dying to see a little action.

[Cameron Logsdon]

The world's boring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is, yeah. Not Enough's happening.

[Dave Anthony]

It's March 21, 1909. Is the Sunday World Herald from Omaha, Nebraska.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great town.

[Dave Anthony]

Home of.

[Cameron Logsdon]

We love it there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great town. Yeah. Great steak town.

[Dave Anthony]

They have good steaks and they also have pie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I'll say this. I. I know a comedian who's been paid healthily by Omaha steaks, and he's like, I'm running out of room. He does, like, Omaha corporate gigs.

[Cameron Logsdon]

They Book him out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They just like. Like, keep giving him steaks. And he's like. And then he was saying something. He's like, I could send him a couple steaks. I was like, dude, just chill with your steak shit.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Nobody's ever given me a free steak. Yeah, you know, I mean, I wouldn't have to go to Sacramento March 12th if. If I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how you do promotion. I'm gonna. I want to try one of those. I'll do that soon. Yeah, no, it's like, when we're going on tour. Dollarpodcast.com Torah. I don't think we're gonna bring a bunch of steaks.

[Dave Anthony]

Why not

[Gareth Reynolds]

you?

[Dave Anthony]

Because you can say, because I'll get a free one in Philadelphia when we're there on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, and when Alex Perlman's our guest.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah, but they chop those up. That's not the same. You know, they put it on bread. It's not, you know, you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't come into our house and do. And do what you just did.

[Dave Anthony]

She does. I think it's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we still in the promo?

[Dave Anthony]

He's from Steakland. He can do what he. He can say whatever he wants about steaks. Oh, you're from Cheese Hole or whatever you call it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cheese Hole.

[Dave Anthony]

Four farmers have fierce battle with pitchforks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave's dick just got hard.

[Cameron Logsdon]

This is what he was waiting for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you know when. In Breaking Bad. Did you watch it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so the. The. The. When he has, like, 20 guys killed in prison in that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Montage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Literally, I had, like, four of my friends go, well, that was for you. Just getting all these texts. Congratulations, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, thank you very much. The best.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I'm picturing these farmers Spider man style. You know, the Spider man pointing at each other.

[Dave Anthony]

Just everyone. Spider man meme. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like shirtless, too.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Shirtless, yeah, but with overalls.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I got in a lot of trouble a few years ago when I joined Farmers Only. And you know those guys, you get in trouble. They were looking for wives.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, did you. So you. What did you think was gonna happen?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just wanted to meet up and talk about pumpkins. I didn't read the fine print, but go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I think. I think we should sit here for a minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd rather get going.

[Dave Anthony]

One of them dying, his brain pierced, and three others are seriously injured.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His brain pierced is a strange. It's such a 1909 way of being a doctor, you understand? His brain got pierced, so he can't think. No, More.

[Dave Anthony]

What? Does it have, like, a little ring?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a Claire's. What do you guys think? I got my brain, Paris.

[Dave Anthony]

This is at a storm lake. Iowa. Of course. Iowa. Where else would they fight with pitchforks? Those people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

As a result of a fierce encounter with pitchforks in which four farmers engaged, Charles Bilberg is dying, while the other three participants are laid up with severe injuries. The trouble started when James Scotthorn and Billberg, his hired man, attempted to move a stack of straw from Ed Gitten's farm. Gitten and his son and the two others went at each other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I guess this is the last straw for them. I guess.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Are you okay with what he just said?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Cameron said yeah, and he co signed it.

[Dave Anthony]

I think he's going along to be, like, nice to the host now.

[Cameron Logsdon]

It was a little. It was a little politeness. I mean, I will say farm puns. It's. It's sensitive territory for my people from Omaha.

[Dave Anthony]

You're offending him a little bit. He's a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't understand. These are big.

[Cameron Logsdon]

These farmers are still big names in this town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a little guy from a small town. I don't understand how this big f city folk stuff works.

[Cameron Logsdon]

So this is that Theo von thing he was talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't get it. I can't offend people. I don't even have a regular phone.

[Dave Anthony]

What is that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just dumb. I don't know nothing from nothing. I don't know nothing from nothing. I thought beans was an animal till two weeks ago. Man, I tell you, I don't understand that Israel stuff, but no, then I had dinner with the Trumps last week. That's how I got away with it.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, is that your pet bean there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, it's my boy down Pinta.

[Cameron Logsdon]

That's a good jelly roll.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a good chili roll.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man, jelly roll. I love watching people in entertainment try to not comment on ice. It is almost the fetish where it's like, just be like, hey, man, I don't even understand how, man. I'm just. I'm a stupid guy. I got a guitar, a voice, a bunch of tattoos on my face. I don't know what it's like to be murdering people in the streets who are innocent because of the color of their skin. I don't know what to say about it. What am I supposed to say? That that's abhorrent and shouldn't exist in any actual functioning society? No, I'm Just happy to win a Grammy.

[Cameron Logsdon]

They shot him with. What'd you call it? A gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guns. Oh, man. I don't even. I don't even understand how the mechanics of the inside of a gun works. I wouldn't be allowed to comment on it. What a win.

[Dave Anthony]

Billberg's skull was pierced with a tine. I can't really read that word.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it too tine?

[Dave Anthony]

I think it's. Yeah, tine. T I n E. And his brain injured. His relatives have come here from Illinois to prosecute the case. Is that how that works?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Absolutely. We're lawyers.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the whole story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tough ending.

[Dave Anthony]

That is a tough ending. A guy got. So they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy got his brain pierced. So his family's like. We're lawyers.

[Dave Anthony]

They went at it with pitchforks. And one guy got his brain, I would assume, in the face. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hard to know how one reaches the brain.

[Dave Anthony]

How would you. You're from. How would you put a. A pitchfork in a. In a head?

[Cameron Logsdon]

I mean, top down, if you can manage it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's the only way. I mean, I don't know much, but I really do think you got to start at the top. It would be crazy to go, right?

[Cameron Logsdon]

Because if you're aiming for the brain, you don't want to get. You don't want to mess around. Hit an ear canal or an eyeball

[Gareth Reynolds]

and just a bunch of meat in the way.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Don't. Don't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Omaha staked him.

[Dave Anthony]

A tine is a sharp, slender, pointed prong or branch found on items like forks, pitchforks, combs, and deer antlers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a time.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you don't.

[Cameron Logsdon]

And they said people in the Midwest don't have a good vocabulary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

1909.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys really went backwards, though. Small has his troubles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Small has his troubles. It's not been easy.

[Dave Anthony]

Charles Small was arrested in a roar last Wednesday on a statutory charge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[Dave Anthony]

Should we just call it Epstein?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is statutory? 1909. By the way, how are these his troubles?

[Dave Anthony]

Small has been.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Sorry about that. Smalls.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, Smalls. You got caught.

[Dave Anthony]

That's why they call me Small.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's tough. Yikes.

[Dave Anthony]

Small has been for some time. No, wait. Okay. Small has been for some time. Preceding New Year's, the manager of the Lyric Theater in Aurora got one of those out here. He was immediately taken before a county Judge, Washburn. On April 5th. He will have a preliminary hearing. Some time ago, Small married a woman in Wyoming who claimed to be a widow, but later her Husband appeared upon the scene and Small took himself to other parts. That's fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Other parts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he moved, but I hear you. He was like, I'll do. But how do we want to handle this now that you're alive? I think you've already laid claim to the front. I'll go back. How do you want to handle this? What are we doing? Or, sir, with all due respect, you could just start sucking me. I mean, how do we. Other parts seems to be the only solution.

[Dave Anthony]

What about this? All holes are open.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, how about this? We all just put our face in one. That's another's crotch, and we figure it out until we're on isosceles.

[Dave Anthony]

Please. He later, he married another woman and afterwards moved to Aurora. Now the husband of the first woman is dead and the woman is claiming Small as her husband.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is phenomenal.

[Dave Anthony]

Instituting a suit against him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am now a widow.

[Dave Anthony]

Charging him with adultery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He cheated on me, ma'. Am. Your husband was alive, so she came.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Well, he's not anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you'd understand. So she married him, and then he's already married. She was married to a living man who she claimed was dead. That guy came back in, so Smalls moved on, married another woman. Then that woman's husband actually died. And now she's like, I told you I was a widow.

[Dave Anthony]

No, now she's saying, you're in. You're. You've committed adultery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, because she's a widow now.

[Dave Anthony]

Because he got remarried.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, but she's. But she's doing it because her husband died eventually. She was like, you lied to me.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Charging him with adultery with the woman with whom he is now living and whom he claims to be his lawful wife. The whole matter will be aired in court. I hope the judge is just, like, off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta say, Smalls must be. He must be good at giving it, given what? The old time. What he must be good at Delivering some tines.

[Dave Anthony]

Stabbing people in the brain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, hope it doesn't hurt that bad.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Don't you want the judge to say, how'd that guy die? Isn't that the bigger mystery here? Yeah, there's obviously probable cause is out here. Swinging tine, right?

[Dave Anthony]

There's a murder afoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a murder happening. Swinging tine. Me and the boys are gonna go to the club, swing a little time. Stabbing women.

[Dave Anthony]

You ladies looking for time?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I got a tired penis to eat. Silen.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Name? Smalls.

[Dave Anthony]

No, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gonna lose it. My name is Smalls. I Got a tin dick. Hello, ma'. Am.

[Dave Anthony]

I got a pitchfork in my pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello. Whoops.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They call me time. You know what I'm saying?

[Dave Anthony]

1300 gallstones are removed. Me. Wow. Is that a lot?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. Yeah, that's buckshot. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

How big are they?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They can't be big, but 1300, anything.

[Dave Anthony]

I hope they're like.

[Cameron Logsdon]

That's what I'm saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm picturing lentils, I think.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm thinking, like, quarter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. You're picturing the old man like he's like a slot machine

[Cameron Logsdon]

at a time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think gallstones come out. I think you got to take them out. Kidney stone comes out. Kidney stone's like, I'm getting out of here because there's a way out. But a gallstone, you can't get out the gall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, you got to have someone with real ambition to go for something like that. Someone who doesn't. Doesn't listen to reason. Someone who's got the gumption to go in there and try something no one else has before.

[Dave Anthony]

You talking about small?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm talking about gallery.

[Dave Anthony]

Perhaps the most unusual operation ever performed at the Wichita hospital was successfully made yesterday when 1349 gallstones were removed from Mrs. J.C. care of Lambert, Oklahoma. She is much improved today,

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is. I saw this video. I almost don't even want to explain it. It's so crazy. But it was this guy. He, like, he started to get nosebleeds, and he goes to the doctor, and he basically had just a colony of, like, bugs living in his nose and face.

[Dave Anthony]

You showed this to us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, did I show it to you?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Oh, no. Luke showed it to us, didn't he? Or was it you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would have shown it to you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. No, you did show that to us. Why did you do that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like. It was like tiny bugs.

[Dave Anthony]

They didn't know what kind of bugs they were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but they. But basically, the guy at the end, he was like, I definitely need to wash my hands more like the whole thing was like. He said he'd go fishing, and then he'd, like, wash his hands on the river and be like, we're good to go.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah, for home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And then, like, the doctor was like, he's gonna make a full recovery. And I was like, this man doesn't deserve a full recovery. But I did think. My point being, the whole time, I was like, man, we won't know relief like that guy does. Like, to have a colony of bugs taken out of your. You know what I mean? Like a week later, be like, man, I feel good.

[Cameron Logsdon]

There's nothing crawling around inside of me. You know that feeling when you're all itchy in the face?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, I'm not making a case for diarrhea. Put your glasses back on. I'm not making a case for diarrhea. But I'll tell you what, is there a better feeling than when it's over? Come on.

[Cameron Logsdon]

So you get to wash. You wash your hands. Not in the river.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you put. You put some fish guts on YouTube a little bit. Yeah. Stretch out a little.

[Dave Anthony]

Exactly. Gareth. The pastimes is brought to you by him's sexual health situation. Gareth. A lot of people dd very common. And it's important to get on top of that. Look, we're not going to be able to help you fix a folded sheet. That's too hard. But we can help you with the ed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Speaking of hard.

[Dave Anthony]

So what we're saying is take control of it. Don't let it fester, jump on it. It's totally something you can deal with. Now they got personalized treatments made with doctor trusted ingredients prescribed by licensed providers. 100% online. You don't have to go to some office, do it all online. Comes in a little discreet packaging. All good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

And look, 80 doesn't mean it's all over for you. Your love life is. Is done. It just. It's just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It just means what a comeback it's going to be.

[Dave Anthony]

I wouldn't use that word. It just means it's getting started with personalized treatment options to help you take back control thanks to these daily meds we're talking about. So it's very easy. Gareth's done it. A bunch of you shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. You just shouldn't enjoy it. Himss brings you the care straight to you. That's the important thing. I think that you can do it online. You can do with a medical professional online. Get the. Get the exact help medication.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The waiting room thing where someone's just like Dave Anthony. It's about your.

[Dave Anthony]

And now to tell a different thing. I have a fetish where I just go to waiting rooms and do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't actually. I go into the doctor. I just do the waiting room thing. So look, to get simple online access to personalized Affordable care for ED, weight loss and more. Visit hims.com that's hims.com for your free visit. Online hymns.com dollop featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. The pastimes is also brought to you by me undies. Look, your underwear, Gareth, your underwear specifically is either working for you or against you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great.

[Dave Anthony]

Mine was definitely working against me. Constant readjusting, stuff riding up, just everything that could go wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me undies are the solution to your problems, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

Love them. I found that out. Meundies has ball caddy boxer briefs. So you can just toss your, your stuff right there. And a little contoured pouch. It just keeps everything nice and in place. What a, what an invention that we've done. What a. What an upgrade on the underwear. Let's just say that I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're hitting our stride. We're hitting our stride.

[Dave Anthony]

Guys in the 80s and 90s had no idea what was going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What were they doing? They were just doing. Yeah, this is about. We've got the. Yeah, we've got the zones figured out now.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. Zones are down. No squishing, no sticking, no. No bat winging. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus.

[Dave Anthony]

The fabric is ultra soft, modal. It feels broken in from day one. Just ready to go. It breathes so you're not overheating. And I know Gareth overheats a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

All my old underwear is gone. It's all me undies now. These are just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got it.

[Dave Anthony]

They got styles for everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have your old underwear.

[Dave Anthony]

They got a cut for every guy. They got over 10 different styles. Boxer briefs, juxtraps, the ball caddy pouch. They got it all. Unmatched comfort, responsibly sourced. I think it's important they are responsibly, responsibly sourced materials and work with partners that care for their workers. Problem free philosophy and over 30 million parasols. That's a lot of underwear. That's a lot of the people agree. That's a lot of bottoms and, and front packages and other stuff that is being taken care of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little designs. You can't beat it.

[Dave Anthony]

90,000 five star reviews. 90,000 people like the way these hold their stuff in right now. Well, we both use me undies and we both enjoy them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Use it. We wear them. We don't use.

[Dave Anthony]

We trade. We go back and forth. Right now, as a listener of my show, you can get 20% off your first order.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I take issue with that right now

[Dave Anthony]

as a Listener of my show, the Dollop. You can get 20% off your first order, plus free [e-mail] dollop promo code. Dollop. That's 20 off plus free shipping@meandies dot com dollop promo code dollop. Dave Anthony's show podcast, Trash 1.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trash. Show me undies.

[Dave Anthony]

Back to our program.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy the past. Enjoy the. Enjoy the rest of the podcast. Put your glasses back on. What's going on?

[Cameron Logsdon]

I don't know if it's 1300 gallstones out at a single time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, it's not. I, I. That's what I mean. This woman feels relief that. That I shall not know.

[Dave Anthony]

She must have lost so much weight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, you ready?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I like. I like, though, that they said that it's the. The greatest surgery that might have ever happened in Wichita to that point. Like somebody. This is the best day of my life surgery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Most of the time, I'm just removing men from cattle pitchforks.

[Dave Anthony]

They can range from as small as a grain of sand or salt to as large as a golf ball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me, golf stones? Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Take them down to the course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

Knock a few.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, these are a little smushy.

[Dave Anthony]

Rare cases, a stone can be massive, 5 centimeters or more. That's how I do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She felt good, though, Steven. A grain of sand. 1300 pieces of like. 1300.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a big bag of sand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's a good amount of sand if it's in your body.

[Cameron Logsdon]

There's as many gallstones as there are stars in the sky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who told you? Who said No, I don't think that. Who said that?

[Cameron Logsdon]

People know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think I've ever heard that a thing.

[Cameron Logsdon]

For real.

[Dave Anthony]

Omaha guys know stuff like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just think it's.

[Cameron Logsdon]

It's more of a natural. We're in tune with the environment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

We grew up on a farm or whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, I didn't learn how to be a sexist because I grew up on a farm.

[Dave Anthony]

Returns money and says he was drunk when he took it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got to be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Should be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I relate to this.

[Dave Anthony]

Very strong, totally allowable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I agree. I completely agree. I remember one time I was in college, I went to my buddy, like, my buddy was smarter than me. Went to a smart college. I went to kindergarten college, and I got hammered at his frat house, and I took a bunch of their, like, beer taps, like, they had, and I just stole them. And then, like, the next day, I was home, and I Was like, what did you do? And I was like, I gotta keep them. Because it's so embarrassing to be like, hey, I stole these. But as drunk me was like, this is a great plan.

[Dave Anthony]

I think you bring him back and you go, gentlemen, I was blacked out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I do. Yeah, Now I think that you definitely do that. You go, I'm. I got a bit of a rascal in me. That guy loves whiskey. And he thought he was gonna start a bar. So I don't know. There you go.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Does the crime forgiveness stop at theft? Like, where do you draw the line? Yeah, I was drunk. I wasn't driving. I was, you know.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think.

[Dave Anthony]

I think if you kill someone, I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Theft is not okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Murder timing. Cheating. They can't use that for cheating. No cheating.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, honey, I was drunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What did you want? I became a baby boy last night. I made some weird calls. What do you want from me? I drank so much, I didn't understand how the world worked. And you're hung up on a little adultery. Do you know what I went through? You're lucky I'm alive.

[Dave Anthony]

God. I basically time travel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I became a nine year old with a. With a credit card. You ever seen Big? Oh, you like that movie? But when I'm living it, all of a sudden you got a big attitude

[Dave Anthony]

and I'm begging at a brothel and you're angry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord. Do you have any idea how much my dick itches?

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, I love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And my point is I love you. That should. I'm sorry. I lost.

[Dave Anthony]

Think about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I went off course a little bit there.

[Dave Anthony]

It's fine. John Campbell, the fugitive cashier of the First National bank who left Monday night with more than $6,000 of the bank's

[Gareth Reynolds]

money because he was drunk.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he returned 6,000 today in a letter written in Denver. Wait, he did this in Oklahoma? And then. Does that mean he went to Denver and then wrote a letter with the money?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's weird either way. If you wake up with six grand, you run away. Shut up.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you take it and you be quiet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go, you take it.

[Dave Anthony]

You're on the lamb. But $6,000 in 1922, you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a lot of money.

[Dave Anthony]

You're doing pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it sounds like you should. You're like. You're all. Your other personality is great at theft. Yeah, I would. I would embolden him.

[Dave Anthony]

I'd moved to Mexico.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. And not right now.

[Dave Anthony]

And then only come to the US When I was going to drink it's interesting.

[Cameron Logsdon]

You're drunk.

[Dave Anthony]

Burglar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like that. Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Crime lord.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's like Scarface when you're drunk. It's like Fight Club. You're like, wait, what happened? Sir, with all due respect,

[Cameron Logsdon]

nothing. This is kind of the plot of Moon Knight. I don't know if you watched that. It's basically that. Yeah. Is this Oscar Isaac that we're talking about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who.

[Cameron Logsdon]

What was this guy? No. John Campbell.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. He said he was intoxicated when he left and that he had no intention of stealing. He regretted his action and wrote and would return the balance of the amount in a short time. You know, that's. That's coming back to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

I was really hammered, so I'm. I'm gonna get that back to you in a bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That. I mean, that. What? It really is amazing to wonder. That's like, in 1909, being hammered is such a great excuse.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. Bank officials tonight decided not to prosecute Campbell and withdrew the reward offered for his arrest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I still think. Keep the money.

[Dave Anthony]

He wrote us a letter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep the money, dude.

[Cameron Logsdon]

He said it's. He said, I'm gonna give it back. And they're like, drop. Drop it. Drop it all.

[Dave Anthony]

He says it sounds pretty reasonable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right. That sounds fine.

[Dave Anthony]

That's good. I mean, sounds like a nice. I mean, we worked with him for so long. He's such a nice fellow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a hell of a guy.

[Dave Anthony]

But when he drinks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's Bugsy Malone. Junksy Malone.

[Dave Anthony]

Federal officers dump spurious ketchup into sea. Spurious. Anybody else lost on spurious ketchup?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

What do we get? What. What is spurious ketchup?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the only alternative to Heinz, in my opinion.

[Dave Anthony]

The waters of Nagasa. This is out of Rhode Island. The waters of a Nagasat bay were well seasoned with tomato ketchup today when 600 cases containing 15,600 bottles were dumped into the sea because they did not meet the requirements of the federal Pure Food Law.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, what is food law? I feel like I. Is that Jude's brother? But I feel like we don't have that anymore. Or is that what RFK is working on?

[Dave Anthony]

No. We used to have this thing where they would it. Try to keep it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Definitely sounds like this ketchup is not ready. So we will put it in Poseidon's water.

[Cameron Logsdon]

It sounds like kindergartners tried to recreate the Boston Tea Party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. This is. This is kindergartner's Boston Tea party.

[Cameron Logsdon]

That's really what it is. We're not eating dino nuggets until we

[Gareth Reynolds]

fix this ketchup sucks.

[Dave Anthony]

Dude, is that a kid?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a Bostonian. That's a Boston kid.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah,

[Gareth Reynolds]

yeah. So this ketchup sucks.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just like a five year old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a child.

[Dave Anthony]

The ketchup was intercepted here while in transit from Baltimore to Boston last September. It was ruled that the manufacturers had not labeled the bottles in accordance with the pure food law. So it's, it's fine. It just didn't. It's probably like edible. It's just not labeled correctly. So you gotta, this is when the food law is new. So you gotta, you gotta punish people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy to me to think we monitored ketchup like any diner you've ever been in. I'm probably shouldn't be squirting this on my plate, but.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Oh yeah, it's been there for 30 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, like they don't, there's nobody, there's no diner manager who's ever been like, hey, today we're going to watch the ketchup and mustard bottles. We really got to give that a shot.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you like when you're in a diner?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

And they, the waitress does the ketchup work where she takes all the ketchup bottles and then with a funnel and like bars catch them into the end

[Gareth Reynolds]

of the Heinz bottle. Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Dave Anthony]

That's always a good moment. You're just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I honestly, I remember a time where I would like take so many. Cat, this is insane. I would take so many ketchup packets from like a fast food place and I would put them in, I would empty them into a bottle.

[Dave Anthony]

It doesn't, it doesn't sound insane. It is insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tedious. I was like, it's tedious food from a packet. Yeah, no, it was in retrospect now,

[Dave Anthony]

now were you at this time in life, were you haunted by a 60 year old spindler?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was. It was right after Gilbert Godfrey passed and I think he jumped into my body. That's good ketchup. That's free ketchup. I didn't know I had a good look out for you. Do you can put it on anything? It goes with anything.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I just think, why not just skip the ketchup? Do you need it that bad?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. All right, next question. I will defend it.

[Dave Anthony]

He's got a point though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's delicious. It's delicious.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I mean you're, you're, you're you're squishing it out. You're. You're scraping them. It's just resin at that point.

[Dave Anthony]

It's resin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the only condiment I'll fight for.

[Dave Anthony]

It's tomato resin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's delicious.

[Dave Anthony]

I. I won't. If I have to use the little packets, I just. For go catch it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's crazy. It is worth it. 100.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I don't know how long it's been in that little packet.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like astronaut food. It doesn't matter. It's fine. It's gonna live forever.

[Dave Anthony]

Not astronaut food at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you know what? You guys have had a weird. You guys are like, we're gonna gang up on the normal guy. Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy your lives.

[Dave Anthony]

I think that. What you.

[Cameron Logsdon]

200 packets of ketchup. He's squishing them in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More to go.

[Dave Anthony]

The only Norma

[Gareth Reynolds]

you know that. I'll tell you the biggest is the little. The little drip, the dewy drip at the end of the packet. You're like, gotta drop that. It takes a while.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Are you ripping the whole packet in half? Are you doing the corner?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Are you trying to get through this quick?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, you're doing the. You're doing the slow, like, the surgical. Like you're tearing along the fiber line that they suggest.

[Dave Anthony]

How long does it take to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like that this is becoming a thing.

[Dave Anthony]

People want to know now how. How long does it take you to fill up a cap. Ketchup bottle with that much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't fill it, so I just got a lot more in it.

[Dave Anthony]

So the. The. So you got just a bulk amount of these packets from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we doing condiment bits? Where did you get it from, like Burger King, probably.

[Dave Anthony]

And you just took a bunch because they had them out?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Suckers. I mean, that's the way the monarchy is living.

[Dave Anthony]

Did you put it in, like, a bag?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My. My pants are bag pants or bags. Pants are bad.

[Dave Anthony]

If you got hit by a car. They're like good guys. Bleeding everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm fine. I'm fine. Or wait, no, no, I'm bleeding. Officer, you don't understand.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I'm resourceful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I walk away from, like, a guaranteed lawsuit with all the ketchup winning. Man. He's bleeding pretty bad. He's gonna sue you for a lot of money. It's ketchup.

[Dave Anthony]

How long do you. How long did that take you? Like, how much time did you put it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a tremendous waste of. But I would, like. I would, like, get high and, like, sit in front of the TV and just be like, there you go. Yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

This was, like, a challenge on minute to win it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, this was, like, a really weird. It was a. It was a test, and I don't know who was testing me, but I failed.

[Dave Anthony]

You did fail. Was this at the apartment that you lived in when I met. Wow. So not that long ago. Not like, it's a while ago, but not a. Not in, like, a. It's still within the shame time period. Like, you should feel it's not the

[Gareth Reynolds]

greatest amount of years because a lot of people.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Do you have a driver's license?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I don't want to. Yes. Yes.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

A lot. A lot of people would just. If they're. If they don't have a lot of money, they would just keep the packets in, like, a drawer and use it when the time came.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah, but. But I'm. You know, here's my deal. I'm a big do future self favors guy, and I was doing future self favors, so I was looking out for future self. I was going, hey, I do. Like, that future future guy is gonna be, like, it. I'm glad this guy did it. Meal prepping. Yeah, it was meal prep.

[Dave Anthony]

Meal prepping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was meal prepping. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Then did you go to In N Out and get the little salt packets and fill up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, if I'm being totally honest, I've probably done it with salt. If I've been totally. And salt's like a dollar for all of it. But I definitely had. I definitely did do that. Probably for sure. I. I had, like. But okay, here's what I'll say. Like, sometimes you go in someone's fridge and they'll have, like, a ton of, like, Taco Bell hot sauces.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Sometimes you go in someone's fridge and

[Gareth Reynolds]

you see that you break into a guy's house, and you go into his fridge, and you take the sauces and you put them in your own bottle.

[Dave Anthony]

So you're hanging out with people who, in their fridge, they have a bunch of Taco Bell hot sauce.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest. I was thinking of Luke. I really was. Okay, you're right.

[Cameron Logsdon]

But even then, nobody's handing you like, a. Like, you know, like a Tabasco bottle and being like, actually, it's all Taco Bell, put it in myself.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, look, look.

[Cameron Logsdon]

You keep the packets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look. Yeah, you could keep it future self.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, you don't have, like, a jar that says, like, Taco Bell sauce that you've squeezed Them all into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you put it in a frame. Those are receptacles.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what the diner does. We're back to I'm a diner. Come on, read another article. This is crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

A national kiss, Sure. A very unusual scene occurred in the speaker's rooms at the national capital Thursday, which the American people will contemplate with full sympathy and great pleasure. Ms. Mary McCabe, who saved nine lives at the time when a thousand people perished in the burning of the steamer Slocum, was presented with the medal voted by Congress. This presentation was made by Speaker Cannon, and as he concluded his commentary remarks, the iron Duke of American politics took the young woman's blushing face between his hands and kissed her. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The smell of a man doing that back then. Here's your reward. Oh, just like someone. A cigar.

[Cameron Logsdon]

What do they call him? The Iron Duke. That was his name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Iron Duke. Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Iron Duke. Coming in, little lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. Come in. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Good job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go.

[Dave Anthony]

For your service, I'd like to give you tongue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever kissed Piston to backer the Iron Duke series?

[Dave Anthony]

This is gonna last.

[Cameron Logsdon]

You think Trump's gonna do that with those hockey players?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. They all just leave with, like, orange around their face when they walk out. Easy. Oh, my God, though. You're unbelievable. They're like, Mr. President, he did rivalries,

[Cameron Logsdon]

is very popular right now. Happy to get involved on my end.

[Dave Anthony]

If you've read the emails, I like boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a lot of players, Mr. President, you've already done that row.

[Dave Anthony]

We like to think of a girl. She was 14 at the time of the disaster and is 18 now. Called to the capital of the country to receive a token especially bestowed, of the national recognition of her signal heroism. It was an odd situation for Uncle Joe, but he never had a better grip on anything than on that girl's face. Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy. Absolutely crazy. At what point.

[Cameron Logsdon]

At what point am I supposed to be both sympathetic and pleased by this story?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

It's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just disgusting.

[Dave Anthony]

And a better impulse never came to the old man than his impulse to kiss her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, it's like, what was the name of Richard Dawson, Richard Dawson on Family Feud when he used to just, like, kiss. He's like, he.

[Dave Anthony]

Every girl, girls, everybody, everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like, nah, kiss them. It's. Did they. Everyone feels weird.

[Dave Anthony]

Imagine how many he gave herpes to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God. Just kissing. That's my thing.

[Dave Anthony]

We.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like to rub my penis on the small of their backs, but I do it to all of them.

[Dave Anthony]

We will forget all the hard things that have been said about him recently for a moment while we approve that smack. Oh, it was. This guy was impressed.

[Cameron Logsdon]

He was in scandal. Like, he was involved in scandal at the time. There were other things negative being said, and they were like, this is the

[Gareth Reynolds]

good story we have.

[Dave Anthony]

This is a good thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The only thing we could say is that he was a disgusting kisser.

[Dave Anthony]

It was not Uncle Joe in his private capacity. The kiss was given on behalf of the whole American people by the speaker of its House of Representatives.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Not my America.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are just it. You know, that is the one thing I. I swear to God, there was a. Like, I didn't think it was, like, 1909, when America was decent, but I was like, at a time in my life, thought, you know what we were. We used to be better than this. And then truly, the evidence just mounds on piles where you just go, no, we have always been a porta potty posing as, like, a beautiful bathroom. We are just a. It's just we're a urinal that someone in at a concert, and we're just like, hey, who's got it better?

[Dave Anthony]

It doesn't have to be a concert. My buddy Andrew, freshman year, in the urinal, at the door, in the dorms because he was drunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it doesn't have to be people.

[Cameron Logsdon]

People always in urinals. And I'm always like, what if somebody walked in? How would you explain?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's what I don't understand.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what you do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on. You don't like to know. The sausage gets. Hey, all right. I'm the guy. You got me?

[Cameron Logsdon]

You walk in, the guy's looking at you. He just hits you with a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There he is. Hey, all right.

[Dave Anthony]

You're the guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've been on tour for a while. Oh, a long time. Long time. Welcome to the backstage.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, God. It turns out it's Theo Vaughn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I. I do pranks, too. Sometimes I piss in the stall.

[Dave Anthony]

But the thing is, Theo, Thea doesn't know the difference.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't get it.

[Dave Anthony]

Between the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't realize a guy could be with another guy. That's why I dropped the F bomb. I just learned about that. You're 44, sir. I don't know.

[Cameron Logsdon]

You're saying you can't say that?

[Dave Anthony]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh? Something new every day. I learned a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

Isn't it amazing that he is on TV when he's younger, saying that black people and white people shouldn't marry and everyone's like, he's fine. For real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll go on record. Oh, yeah, he was on road.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I've never seen that.

[Dave Anthony]

He also. He was also good friends with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never seen that clip. Oh, he's talking, by the way. That's where that official stance of a white and a black being together seemed Crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Stray bullet story doubted by the police. Robert Schultz, 17 years old, who says he came to Chicago from Milwaukee. Also, he's a piece of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I told you. I went to that. I went to, like, a substack spelling bee thing last night. Like a little, like, event thing. And you could. The people who were in the thing could go to the audience for help, like, for one of the words. And the words are like cities or, like, medical or whatever. So one of the people who's in the spelling bee, the word was Milwaukee. And they were like, audience. And I was like. I was gonna raise my hand, but I was like, look, I grew up more. The last thing I want to do is spell this thing right. So I was like, I got it. She goes, M, I, L, W, O, K, E, e. And then everyone was like, what? She was like, what? It was like, no. And then the guy was like, well, I'm out. Thank you. He was like, why'd you raise your hand? She's like, is that how it's spelled? It was incredible.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, that's so great.

[Cameron Logsdon]

That's what you do if you're competing. You just gotta plant some friends that are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep, you can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ringers. Yeah. Milwaukee, Milwaukee. It's a planet in Star Wars. The Milwaukee. Yeah. It's got the accent. God damn. We're gonna go out and find some beers tonight. My wookie's from Milwaukee. He's. We should go ball. And he's saying, that's the go ball. And get some grits.

[Dave Anthony]

Says he came to Chicago from Milwaukee last Monday in search of work. Staggered into a West side drugstore early this morning with a bullet wound in his neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, do you guys have. It's rfk. Wondering if you could do anything for this hole that I've got here. I normally don't love prescription medication, but I have a bit of a hole in my throat out. If the pill is big enough that it could fit it, that would actually.

[Dave Anthony]

Also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a bear in the car.

[Dave Anthony]

So we saved your son, but now he has RFK syndrome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that mean exactly?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, actually, just have him come over here and just talk to your parents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I told the surgeon to leave the scalpel in because a little Bit of nickel can be good for the core of the body.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's gonna talk like that and also have just maybe the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe after this we could go get some Denny's or something.

[Dave Anthony]

He's gonna.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Will he always be this color?

[Dave Anthony]

His.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Is he gonna be this color for the rest of his life?

[Dave Anthony]

A reddish tinge. And he's always going to be in. Jeez.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Breathing has become a major issue, but thinking has ever been cleaner.

[Dave Anthony]

We would just recommend you keep him away from the beach or he'll start taking whale parts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, we should go to the beach asap. I really want to get some fins.

[Cameron Logsdon]

His neck seems tight. Pretty tight.

[Dave Anthony]

Mom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom. It is a tight neck, but he's not gonna. Better.

[Cameron Logsdon]

He's not gonna burst or anything, is he's gonna burst?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, eventually he bursts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, look, your son was reconstructed by circumcision skin. We did everything that we could. If that MO hadn't walked in with that wheelbarrow, I don't know if he would have been alive.

[Dave Anthony]

The youth said, I've been shot by a stray bullet. As he sank to the floor. Schultz was taken to a hospital and found to be in a serious condition.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is pretty serious.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he got shot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's been shot in the throat. This is a serious thing.

[Dave Anthony]

He says that he was walking on Monroe street early this morning when he heard a revolver.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was walking on Monroe and felt

[Dave Anthony]

a stinging sensation in his neck, and

[Gareth Reynolds]

there was a bit of a bee sting.

[Dave Anthony]

He saw no one fire the shot. The police after discovering a Masonic charm and a valuable watch in Schultz's possession.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that. No, those are just regular walking accoutrement.

[Dave Anthony]

That's my outside stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I'm a Mason. Why?

[Dave Anthony]

So the. They were inclined to doubt his account of the shooting, and they are searching for someone who may have been approached by a highwayman and shot him as he fled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It came from that grassy knoll. It was the grassy knoll near the Book depository.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I feel like this guy's story would not have fit well in the Highwayman song. You know, alongside the Damn Builder and the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was afraid and they shot me in the throat. I don't know who gets that reference but me, do I? That's always the funniest one where I think it's like Waylo Jennings at the end, where he's like, I was a starfighter. It's Cat. Whatever he was, it's John. I was a spaceship operator. I had a Milwaukee by my side.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, let's do a last one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Editor challenges pastor to fight to a finish. Shall preacher and editor meet in the basement of a church for a fight to a finish? Marquis of Queensberry rules for the benefit of the church is the question to be decided by the Reverend Rupp, pastor of a Reformed church in Siegfried. The preacher and church involved. But that's a terrible sentence. But basically they're asking, should they. Should the preacher and editor be able to have a fistfight?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Basement. And you should always be 100. Basements should be for fist fighting. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And preachers should do more fighting.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Preachers should do a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have this whole version of a preacher where they're, you know, they're kind of like a little more demurred or. But let's get out there.

[Dave Anthony]

There. Yeah. Let's get him. Let's get him working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's get them out there. Let's get them fighting.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More and more, I'd like to see

[Cameron Logsdon]

editors return to power. We don't talk about editors the same. I mean, Citizen Kane.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Right.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I mean, nowadays, editors, they live in the background. We're just talking about the owners of the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Editor finding a preacher in a basement.

[Dave Anthony]

It's my favorite Johnny Cash song. That is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is so. That's so.

[Dave Anthony]

As the result of a controversy as to the real cause of crime, H Scene Rice, editor of the Sig Fried independent, has challenged Mr. Rupp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounds like Sig Fried Rice.

[Dave Anthony]

Go ahead. The controversy. Do you want to apologize?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

You're good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm good.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. The controversy started some days ago when Mr. Rice pointed out that of the 231 signatures on license petitions, 37 were those of members of Mr. Rupp's congregation and remarked that the suppression of evil should begin in church.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100%. 100%.

[Dave Anthony]

But I. I wish I knew what the petition was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it was for them to fight in the basement.

[Dave Anthony]

License petitions. I don't think so. This is going to be sanctioned in the basement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Law is weird. Like.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Like the stories from the past are often missing the biggest part of the story.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Many times.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. They're always like, well, you already know the part that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's obvious. It's pretty obvious why there was a corn argument. Like, what's going on? You know, corn arguments. Anyway. Like a psychopath scrapbook in Dave's iPad. Like, what the is this guy talking about? You know, you know how soil fighting happens? You remember that, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Then Mr. Rice asserts he was told that Mr. Rupp announced he would give ten dollars to the man who would trash thrash Mr. Rice. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No idea.

[Dave Anthony]

So Mr. Rupp is the reverend. So the reverend. Reverend Rupp is offering ten bucks to anyone who will beat up the editor.

[Cameron Logsdon]

A bounty.

[Dave Anthony]

A bounty. A reverend is putting a bounty on an editor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man. If I see that on the info description on the guide. Let's go.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm interested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's rock and roll.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. The reverend, Mr. Rupp has not as yet made any reply to the challenge, but the townspeople are urging him to accept.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should do that. I would definitely be one of those. You should totally do this. This is a good idea.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Cameron Logsdon]

I do want the reverend to fight the battle himself, period.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. And I wanna. I wanna see a workout montage where he's getting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want, like. I want like the robe ripped off the reverend. God damn. He ripped his.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like in a ring, boxed up, you know, Devil.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah, he's doing burpees in a pew.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Pew burpees. Ah. Well, Cameron, come back on, will you, buddy? You were a riot. Appreciate it very much, but people should go find you on tour. Go find you Cameron Logsdon on the Social. And, uh, thank you for being here, my friend.

[Cameron Logsdon]

Yeah, thank you, guys. It's a blast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love you. Bless. Have a blessed day.

[Dave Anthony]

I love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love you.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that how we're ending it now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't hear anymore, but I think you said it back. Hey, what's up, doll heads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area. I made a movie. It's called Give it up and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to GiveItUpFilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening, so go to GiveItUpFilm.Com also, if you like stand up comedy. February 4th, I'll be in Spokane. February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland February 6th and February 7th. Three shows that night. Then I'll be at flappers in Burbank, February 21, Bakersfield, February 27 for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22, Dallas, Texas, April 23, Tyler, Texas, April 24. Finally, Houston, April 25, two shows. Austin at the Great Cap City April 26, and then San Antonio April 28 and Tucson April 29. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information, but also if you want to go see my movie? And you're in the San Jose area. GiveItUpFilm.com.