168 - The Past Times with Steph Tolev

Summary

The Dollop – Episode 168: The Past Times with Steph Tolev

Original Release: April 3, 2026 | Hosts: Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds | Guest: Steph Tolev

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Episode Overview

This episode of “The Past Times,” a recurring segment of The Dollop, features comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds with guest Steph Tolev. The format: Dave selects a random old newspaper and leads the group in reading and riffing on real headlines and stories, sparking both insightful and irreverent discussions. This week’s paper, by a fun coincidence, is from Steph’s birthday—March 7, 1940, The Atlantic City Press. The trio explore a grab bag of bizarre, dated, and sometimes deeply problematic stories, using sharp wit and modern sensibility to unpack the oddities of the past.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Steph’s Comedy & Viral Mothership Story

• (00:50-05:49)
  • Steph discusses her Netflix special and the difficulty she has receiving compliments.
    • Gareth: “I'm going to be honest. This whole thumbs up thing or the haha, I want the haha's written out.” (01:54)
  • Steph recounts the fallout after criticizing Joe Rogan’s club (the “Mothership”) for misogyny and homophobia, leading to viral clips and some backlash.
    • Steph: “I said it's misogynistic, homophobic, and, you know, it's called the mothership.” (04:17)
    • She jokes about “death threats”: “Honestly, the most funny part, though, only three, which I found so alarming.” (03:30)
  • Rogan mentions her name on his podcast, but credits a male comic instead—proving her point about invisibility of women in the comedy world.
    • Steph: “He’s so misogynistic, he didn’t even recognize a woman was in the clip saying this.” (05:02)
    • Dave: “Even the misogyny runs so deep that you won't even get credit.” (05:22)
  • A brief aside into “Joe Rogan’s” odd advice: “When you're on mushrooms, drink your piss…” (05:49)

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2. Becoming a U.S. Citizen

• (07:37-08:15)
  • Steph admits anxiety about her U.S. citizenship test, joking about immediately forgetting all she studied.
    • Steph: “I know the 100 cards I had to study and erase out of my head probably two days later.” (07:50)
    • She and Gareth discuss dual citizenship and the absurdities of bureaucratic expectations.

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3. Past Times Format: Guessing the Year

• (08:24-09:28)
  • The group guesses the year of the paper based on the headline “Twas a Red Plot.” Steph guesses 1912; correct year is 1940.
    • Dave (teasing): “Steph wins. It's 1940.” (09:28)

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4. Newspaper Stories & Group Commentary

“Twas a Red Plot”

• (10:22-11:22)
  • A junior high school removes a hammer and sickle emblem meant as a symbol of industry/agriculture; post-Communism, can't keep the symbol.
• The group riffs on how symbols’ meanings change, comparing it to swastika tattoos.
  • Gareth: “It’s like if you have a swastika, and you're like, no, that's an ancient...” (11:01)

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“Take Bullet from Brain of Murder Suspect”

• (12:09-19:29)
  • A surgeon removes a bullet from a murder suspect’s brain so he can stand trial—revealed to be a failed murder-suicide among roommates at a boarding house.
    • Gareth: “So he shot the roommate and then he tried to kill himself...now he's going to be able to stand trial for murder.” (19:00)
  • This leads to jokes about the indignity of boarding houses, old age, and the group’s own messy hotel habits.

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“Expensive Phone Call”

• (19:39-22:17)
  • Drunken man, Harry Dukes, climbs the Bell Telephone company’s fire escape, tries to force entry to make a drunken phone call. He's fined $5.
    • Steph: “He got hammered.” (21:19)
  • The dullness of the headline vs. strangeness of the article is mocked.

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Hotel Room Hygiene Tangent

• (14:10-16:37)
  • The group derails into a hot take about hotel room cleanliness, people using Keurigs to wash underwear, and meat cooked in coffee makers.
    • Steph: “That woman should be put to death row. Are you crazy?” (15:16)
    • Gareth: “I will put it (my ball bag) in the coffee maker. But here's the difference…my balls will smell like coffee for a couple days.” (16:04)

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For Women Only: 1940’s Dating/Marriage Advice Column

• (29:28-38:07)
  • "For Women Only" offers advice and insights—from odd “nagging shows love” claims to surreal lists of stereotypical “womanly” behavior (thinking of hats, lighting cigarettes, odd sandwich combos).
    • Steph: “This literally is a man who's never seen a [woman] in his whole life and has no idea what a woman is." (31:53)
    • Dave: “It’s important to put parameters around women...otherwise, they end up washing their panties in the Keurig.” (38:03)
  • The column becomes a comedic case study in how dated, misogynistic, or clueless advice passed for wisdom.

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“Two Tots, Crash Cinema” (Sneaking Into Movies)

• (41:03-46:24)
  • 5- and 6-year-old siblings spend all day at the movies by deceiving theater staff.
    • Dave (skeptically): “If a 5 year old asked me what time it was because they had to go to the movies, I would be concerned.” (43:21)
    • Steph: “There's no way. That's too young.” (45:01)
  • The implausibility and free-range 1940s parenting is mocked.

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“Everything Happens to Castronova” (Unlucky Teen)

• (47:00-48:53)
  • A 15-year-old boy, repeatedly struck by vehicles and suffering mishaps, is profiled by the local paper as unlucky (rather than likely abused/unsupervised).
    • Gareth: “There were a lot of trucks back then.” (48:55)
    • The crew looks favorably on modern child safety.

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"10,000 Word Complaint Gets 68 Word Divorce"

• (49:53-51:53)
  • Man writes an epic-length complaint about his wife allegedly refusing to do housework; judge grants divorce succintly.
    • Dave: “It was like having a robot you could fuck, really. ...I mean, I get why they tried to hold on to it.” (51:15)
    • The hosts reflect on the historical privilege of white men (and their resistance to social change).

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"Why I Quit Lying" by Elsie Robinson

• (55:21-60:53)
  • A long self-help column about becoming a reformed liar—met with disbelief and annoyance by Steph.
    • Steph: “I wish you had read this before and read none of it. I mean, nothing's happening right now.” (59:47)
    • Dave: “This is a whole article about a woman and you’re saying it’s the worst one.” (60:06)

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"Drown During Fire"

• (61:34-63:15)
  • A man dies by drowning in the basement while fighting a fire—an unusual, morbid headline.
    • Steph: “Why are you going down to the basement? Get the hell out of the house.” (62:29)

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“How to Manage Electric Hotbeds”

• (63:17-65:22)
  • A horticultural advice column—confusion and disinterest ensues, Dave recalls stories about his grandfather collecting manure for gardening.

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5. Wrap-Up & Notable Moments

• Steph says, despite everything, she’s not motivated to read more U.S. newspapers—if this is the content (66:29).
• The group jokes about Steph’s note-taking and readiness to fit in as a true American by “hitting kids with trucks” (66:08).
• Dave and Gareth promote Steph’s Netflix special, “Filth Queen,” and her U.S. tour dates.

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Notable Quotes

• Steph Tolev: “He’s so misogynistic, he didn’t even recognize a woman was in the clip saying this.” (05:02)
• Dave Anthony: “It was like having a robot you could fuck, really. …I get why they [men] tried to hold on to it.” (51:15)
• Gareth Reynolds: “That woman should be put to death row. Are you crazy?” (15:16, on Keurig story)
• Steph Tolev: “I wish you had read this before and read none of it.” (59:47)
• Dave Anthony: “If a 5 year old asked me what time it was because they had to go to the movies, I would be concerned.” (43:21)
• Steph Tolev: “This literally is a man who's never seen a [woman] in his whole life and has no idea what a woman is." (31:53)

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent humor mixed with genuine incredulity at historical absurdities.
• Steph’s comedic exasperation and quick wit matches Dave and Gareth’s sardonic style.
• The episode oscillates between genuine social commentary and playful, often filthy, riffing.

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:50 – Steph’s Mothership story/viral fallout
• 07:50 – U.S. citizenship jokes
• 09:28 – Year guessing game
• 10:22 – “Twas a Red Plot” headline
• 12:09 – “Take Bullet from Brain of Murder Suspect”
• 19:39 – “Expensive Phone Call” (with hotel hygiene tangent at ~14:10)
• 29:28 – “For Women Only” column breakdown
• 41:03 – “Two Tots, Crash Cinema” (movie sneaking story)
• 47:00 – “Everything Happens to Castronova” (accident-prone teen)
• 49:53 – “10,000 Word Complaint Gets 68 Word Divorce”
• 55:21 – “Why I Quit Lying” column
• 61:34 – “Drown During Fire”
• 63:17 – “How to Manage Electric Hotbeds”
• 66:29 – Conclusion & final riffing

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Conclusion

Episode 168 of “The Past Times” is an uproariously sharp, sometimes dark, but always revealing romp through an old newspaper’s oddest corners. Steph Tolev’s unfiltered observations add to Dave and Gareth’s signature satire, shining a modern light on the absurd, misogynistic, and occasionally tragic documentation of 1940s America. Whether it’s headline murder suicides, etiquette columns, or beef in coffee makers, the trio mines every line for comedy and cultural shock, ultimately celebrating the weirdness of both past and present.

Transcript

[A]

Most CRMs are clunky and slow down your team. It's time to switch to a new one. That's where Pipedrive comes in. A simple CRM for growing sales teams. See all your deals and customer info in one pipeline. It's powerful enough to grow with your business, yet simple enough for your team to love using it. Switch to Pipedrive and join over 100,000 companies. Visit pipedrive.comaudio to get started with a 30 day free trial. Welcome to the Past Times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. Shut up. You know we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it and neither has this week's guest, the great Steph Toliffe.

[B]

How are you? Thanks for having me.

[A]

Steph, you're hot right now, so thanks for doing this.

[B]

Sure. Am I?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're hot right now, Steph.

[B]

Okay, if you say so.

[A]

Yeah, well, I will say I thought your special. I guess I should. I haven't watched enough specials for this to have any meaning. Or the fact that nobody cares about my opinions. But your special was, I thought, the best special last year. It was.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

You sent me a very nice voice memo and I really enjoyed it.

[A]

Oh, and Steph, why don't you tell everyone what you replied to that?

[B]

Did I not reply?

[A]

I think I sent a video message, maybe. It might have been an audio. I literally think it was like a. It might have been a thumbs up, but like there was like a text after. But it was like I was like, steph, you're special. So good. All this stuff. And then I think Steph was like, later, loser.

[B]

No, I'm not good with compliments. I just, I was like, okay, it's almost too much. And then, you know, all right, it's not very good. That I hate.

[C]

She didn't come back with a thumbs down. So why don't you just.

[A]

Yeah, look, I'm going to be honest. This whole thumbs up thing or the haha, I want the haha's written out. And I'd rather.

[C]

Sounds good now, but let me tell you something. Once people told me that the thumbs up is often seen as sarcastic or not that great, upsets people. It just caused me to do thumbs up more.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know, Guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Some people, especially the younger. The younger kids.

[A]

Yeah. Guys my age, like, when we do that, we're like, it's like our way

[C]

of doing lower half millennials, they get Upset anybody young.

[B]

Younger than 40. I'm repulsed by them. I have nothing to say. 35, fine. But younger than that, I'm like, what do we. What am I. Crystalia, I. I have nothing to say to these people.

[A]

Cut that out. That is. Now we can't get him.

[C]

We are friends of Delia.

[A]

We love Chris. We love Chris from the top. Step.

[C]

Step. I got Chris's name tattooed on my neck.

[A]

Filth queen. All right, come on. Welcome to the pastimes. We're a Kristalia fan podcast. You know, we do each week, go through one of the women that. Chris Pachor. Okay.

[B]

Oh, God. Can you imagine?

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey. You'd never run out of episodes,

[A]

I would say probably more fruitful than this one, where we go through endless old newspapers. Your.

[C]

Is your story about going to the mothership. Do you tell people that, or is that, like, an inside comment?

[B]

Yes. No. It went viral, and then I got, like, death threats from some a.

[C]

You did?

[A]

Really?

[B]

I did. Honestly, you. Most funny part, though, only three, which I found so alarming.

[A]

One for each foot.

[B]

One guy was on Tick Tock Live, and he goes, I'm friends with. With Joe, and he's coming for you. I'm like, I'm ready.

[C]

Absolutely not happening.

[B]

No. The most annoying thing is that whole thing was. So the clip went viral. Also my ticket sales through the roof, of course.

[A]

The story for people. The story for people who don't know.

[B]

I got kicked out of the green room because I wasn't invited in. I was on it's very exclusive. And then I was on Santino's podcast, and he asked me my opinion on the mothership, and I was like. I said my honest opinion. I was like, look, I had. I was there one night where I had to watch all these comics say the F word and the R word and, like, just demean women the whole time. So I. I said it's misogynistic, homophobic, and, you know, it's called the mothership,

[A]

just for the record, but keep going.

[B]

And so that clip went, like, crazy viral. And the worst part, this is what. This is where I get pissed. I said misogynistic was my big push here because there's, like, two women there a fucking month or whatever it is. And then Rogan brought it up on his podcast. So I messaged. I mentioned Justin Martindale because that was the guy I had to watch get called the f word for 15 minutes

[A]

after he just murdered Phenomenal comedian.

[B]

He fucking killed. And then I had to watch a comic Just degrade him for no reason. Who was bombing anyways, that. So the clip of me saying Justin Martindale Rogan mentions on his podcast. And I was like, someone's like, I think you're mentioning Rogan. I was like, yes, yes, here we go. He goes, and who's this Justin Martindale guy? Justin didn't say anything. He's so misogynistic, he didn't even recognize a woman was in the clip saying this. Because I was like, oh, do you know how excited I was? I was like, if Rogan says I suck you, I'd be wearing a T shirt right now saying Joe hates Steph to love. I would have gone crazy.

[A]

So you're claim your claim. I can't imagine even the misogyny runs so deep that you won't even get credit for on the club.

[B]

Yes, that is correct.

[A]

That is correct.

[B]

I'm pissed. I'm like. I was ready for it. I was like, people like, oh, you're going to be in for. And I was like, I can't wait. I was going to clip it. I was going to clip it. It was like just when you do the green screen of you just sitting there smiling, I couldn't wait.

[A]

We do a lot of. We do a lot of talking about Joe. We have a lot of stories about Joe. I recently told one about Joe where he. The first time I met him, before all this crazy shit happened with him, he told me, when you're on mushrooms, drink your piss. Because that's the most potent, Most. Most potent psilocybin piss. I've been toying with the idea for years. A doctor reached out and apparently it's a good thing I didn't drink, because that's the way to drink.

[C]

Because all the psilocybin is removed by your body. You're literally just drinking piss.

[A]

He's a piss drinker. I was.

[B]

Picture how you're already tripping out and then you're like, joe Rogan said I must drink my pee pee. And then you're peeing in a cup high on mushrooms. And then what, with a straw, sucking it back. This is bizarre.

[A]

I would just shoot it back. But I will say what stopped me all those years was the idea of the moment you're talking about where I have a cup of my piss and I'm going to drink it on mushrooms. It's not the right headspace to drink. I want to be clean, sober when I drink piss. Human or animal?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think.

[C]

I mean, the. The hard thing about him is that he. He. You know, as much as we have all these opinions about him, he is one of our best comedians.

[A]

Yep. Speaking of which, Steph. What? People can follow you on Instagram to find your tour dates?

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

Where should they go?

[B]

Are you just at Steph Tolev? There's nobody else with his name.

[A]

I was gonna say, it's a good thing about your name.

[B]

It's easy to find me. Hey, you can sniff me out. I'll be there.

[C]

You'll. At the end of August, you'll be at the mommy ship. I think it's called the mommy ship now, right? Mommy ship.

[A]

If they change it to the fathership, that'll be awesome. All right, Steph, well, you had some reservations a little bit when I asked you to do this show, too, because you're like, I don't know history. But I explained to you, that's all. That's how this all started, so.

[B]

And this shows you how. How much of a listener I am. I go, what the Fun.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. She sent a voicemail. She's like, I don't know enough to know history, anything. I don't know anything. But you just became a US citizen, so you should know something.

[B]

I know the 100 cards I had to study and erase out of my head probably two days later. So smart. I am.

[C]

What a who the what? You became a US Citizen now? What the fuck are you doing?

[B]

I don't be kicked out. I work too damn hard. You know what? I can always go back. I have my Canadian. I can always.

[C]

There you go. Yeah, that's good. So you got.

[A]

You will have to leave.

[C]

I would want to have both. I wouldn't. I wouldn't make this my only project.

[A]

I have to hide Jefferson under your shirt or something like that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well.

[A]

Or that. If you want to put him up the ass. Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's options.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, so Dave's got this paper prepared. I've not seen it. You've not seen it? We like to start by guessing the year of this paper. There's no context. It's just a random yes. So you'll guess first. It'll probably be 1800s or 1900s. Could be 2000s.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Could be 1700. I'd say it's pretty unlikely, but you go ahead first and take a stab. This is. This is kind of to see.

[B]

I don't even get a little sample here.

[A]

You want to give her a sample?

[C]

Sure. I'll give you a headline.

[A]

Just because we like you. Just because you're you're. Replacing Dalia. A lot of people are saying you're the new deli on the show, which we think is awesome for you.

[C]

Twas a Red Plot twice.

[B]

Okay. We're doing. We're doing 18.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, 1912.

[A]

That's what I feel like. He's maybe being a. But there's a random.

[C]

Excuse me.

[A]

Headline. That is a twist.

[C]

What have I ever done to you?

[A]

What did you say? 1912?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

I like that. I'll go 1888. Because of the. Twas.

[C]

Steph wins. It's 1940.

[A]

Damn it.

[C]

You suck.

[A]

I'm off today.

[C]

He always loses.

[A]

And you're not that excited.

[C]

He always loses.

[A]

I was like.

[B]

Am I supposed to be.

[A]

Yeah. There's no prize. It's really nothing. I don't know why we do it anymore, to be honest.

[C]

The Atlantic City Press, March 7, 1940.

[B]

Excuse me. My birthday's March 7th.

[A]

Oh, that's why he did it.

[C]

That's why.

[B]

That's exactly why you did.

[A]

That is. I guarantee it is. He does, like, little. There's like. He does the little chestnuts.

[C]

It's a chestnut.

[A]

It's a chestnut. By the way, I call tits chestnuts. Go ahead.

[B]

Okay. It's a double chestnut.

[A]

Yeah, well, she had big chestnuts.

[B]

Big, juicy chestnuts.

[A]

That's my bit at the mothership.

[C]

Mommy.

[A]

I saw this woman. She had big old chestnuts.

[C]

It's called the Mommy Ship.

[A]

Thank you, Mommy. Okay.

[C]

The hammer and sickle set into stone above the. Oh, sorry. This is. Twas a Red Plot.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

The hammer and sickle set into stone above the entrance to the Pipkin Junior High School is no more. Yeah, of course it isn't.

[A]

The hammer and sickle. The signs of communism no longer hang above a high school.

[C]

I can't believe they took markdown in America.

[A]

I wonder why. Go fighting Lennons.

[C]

Superintendent Harry's study got so tired of explaining that the design was an ancient symbol of industry and agriculture long before Communism that he hired a stone cutter to remove it. Oh, why the hell you got this commie up there?

[B]

It was.

[C]

It's not what it's like. It's like if you have the. A swastika, and you're like, no, that's an ancient.

[A]

Wait a minute. Slippery slope.

[B]

Who's saying that

[C]

swastika was taken from, like, an old. Like, it's. It was a. It was a. A taken symbol from.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

So there are still people that are like, no, it's actually okay.

[A]

It means.

[B]

And you're like, that's what everyone with that tattoo says. If you really look into it.

[A]

No, look closely. It means love. It's about.

[C]

It's about the birth of women.

[A]

It's a Chinese symbol. I'm going to come back with that as my Chinese symbol. I went and got one of those Chinese symbol tattoos. No, no, no. It. No, it actually means peace, power.

[C]

It looks like a swastika.

[A]

No, but each year you pass the mothership.

[B]

You all have to get one. That's the golden ticket winner on Kill. Tony, you're like my merch.

[A]

I sell them in the parking lot. They're swast stickers. Anyone?

[B]

Okay, that would actually sell. Well, probably. That's sick.

[C]

Take bullet from brain of murder suspect.

[A]

This is a news story.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Take. Take bullet from.

[C]

Take for brain of murder suspect.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's the headline.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I mean it's pretty explanatory.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's. I. Well, I. Who's doing it well. Oh. Surgeons are taking the bullet out of a murder suspect's head. That tracks for me.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Surgeons removed a bullet from the brain of 54 year old. This is a name. Frank Mondeszalowski.

[A]

They might have asked him his last name after the shooting. It's a lot of Z's.

[C]

Monda Zaluski. So that he may stand trial for murder.

[A]

Oh, he. The guy who's getting the bullet out of his head is going to. Is that right?

[C]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

That's what. Yep.

[A]

It's a high stakes pull.

[C]

Monda Zalowski is charged with first degree murder in the slang a week ago of Frank Meredith, 70, in their rooming house.

[A]

Oh, so this is a roommate murder.

[B]

Is that like a creepy. This sounds awful. Rooming.

[C]

It's like a boarding. It's like a boarding house. Yeah.

[A]

You got a problem with a room with a bunch of men. No wonder you weren't allowed in the green room.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want to live with a 70 year old man.

[A]

It sounds bizarre, but someday you might. If you stay in a relationship that might happen to you and just. You'll just wake up one day and everything else smell.

[B]

Don't move out at 69. That's how this is.

[A]

I'm maybe one day gonna be 70. I'll have to live with a 70 year old man. Just be like, oh, this is horrible. Yeah, pants are everywhere.

[C]

What?

[A]

I just picture that I. Cancer already a problem for me. I take them off and just leave them.

[C]

You just.

[A]

Wherever you are, I like basically run out of the pants.

[C]

The Pants hit the floor and then they stay there.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You don't pick them up after.

[A]

Eventually.

[C]

Eventually, yeah.

[A]

When it's time for laundry.

[C]

Pants is something I pick. I don't.

[A]

I will adopt a new way of being. At some point, you guys are coming down at me like this. This is alone behavior. You know when you're alone, how you're not the same. What are you. Are you cleaning your hotel room?

[B]

It's. Oh, yeah, I'm putting stuff away. It's all in a little spot.

[C]

Do you have drawers? You put your clothes in drawers in the hotel room?

[B]

I sometimes do. I have been.

[A]

Because you'll admit that's strange.

[B]

That's. I do find it weird because I'm like. I picture other people's soiled undies and then my underwear in there. Yeah, I don't love that idea.

[A]

Yeah, but you're also there for. I mean, you're there for basically three nights of the last.

[B]

It makes no sense that I'm unpacking and packing up again.

[A]

I like, this is where the socks go. I do. I'm definitely insane, too. But I don't go drawers. But I'm definitely stuff on the ground.

[B]

It's grossing me out. They're never vacuumed properly in there.

[A]

No. I'll answer all the questions about the climate. No, no. Howie Mandel was right.

[B]

Did you see the video that went viral? This girl who was putting her underwear.

[A]

That Keurig should sue her.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That woman should be put to death row. Are you crazy?

[A]

Completely agree.

[B]

Never drinking a coffee there again. That's.

[A]

I was already, like. I was already not doing it, but in a pinch, I would go to it.

[C]

Never again. Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I would do it.

[B]

Why do you need the hot water just to do this? Scrubby. Scrubby.

[A]

Well, also, who needs to wash their underwear at a hotel? How poorly did you pack?

[C]

Well, I have little knitted ball cups and those I'll. I'll. I'll clean in the coffee maker. But it's just a little. It's just a little like. Like a. Like, it's like almost like a sack for my sack. But it's just a little guy that goes around my talking.

[A]

I already asked.

[C]

It'll get hot and. And problematic. And so I'll. If I'm on the road, Coffee in

[A]

my ball back here.

[C]

I will put it in the coffee maker. But here's the difference between me and hers. I. I'll actually put coffee in there so when it comes out, my balls will smell like coffee for a couple Days.

[B]

It helps the knitting. Helps keep the knitting for a long time.

[C]

It does help the knitting. Yeah, it keeps it. And she gets it.

[B]

I think it does.

[A]

Oh, the mesh is tighter.

[C]

No, but when I saw that, I.

[A]

Anyone notice this coffee tastes a bit ballish.

[C]

Every. Every single comedian.

[A]

Hey, that hot tea tastes like every

[C]

comedian in the country saw that video and went, no, no, literally.

[B]

My first stand up teacher taught us how to make ground beef for the coffee machine. He's like, if you're in a pinch, they're all beef. And we're all like, get our hot dog at the vendor. What do you eat in a pinch? I'm gonna go to the grocery store, get a slab of raw beef and have it with what? It's so gross.

[A]

Your first stand up teacher, Larry Horowitz.

[B]

I'll name them. I'll name them.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I like about you.

[B]

You need a ball bag for that guy. He'd wear just loose sweatpants and you'd see those nuts dragging around the whole class after that.

[A]

Who wouldn't want Keurig beef?

[C]

How is it? Does it. Is he saying, does it cook? With just one. I believe with just one time through, it cooks.

[B]

I believe that was one of our lessons that he taught us in stand up comedy class.

[A]

I mean, actually not joking now. When you were there and your stand up teacher was telling you how to cook beef in a Keurig, did you ever think you'd have a special on Netflix?

[B]

You know what, while he was doing that, he was eating his own jerky that he kept in his pocket. And I say no. I can say no. I never thought that that man would

[A]

ever give me any man. Nauseating. No wonder you don't want to live with a 70 year old.

[C]

All right, now that we're done with how you handle the microphone, I'm going to show you how to cook lamb in a sink.

[A]

That set up Punchline. But the real question is, how do you do veal in a toilet?

[B]

Oh, that's him. That's old Horowitz for you.

[C]

Horowitz. God bless Jesus Christ. Back to this.

[A]

Still, I think eventually I would love for him to be peaceful. I don't think it's the wrong thing to say. Go ahead.

[C]

We got, we got. We really got off on a tangent from the boarding room.

[B]

Sorry, sorry, I.

[C]

No, it's good. That's what the show's for. The show's for.

[A]

So anyway, roommates shot each other after the shooting.

[C]

Police Chief Frank J. Mahoney said Mondalowitz shot Monteluski. Monda Zaluski.

[A]

Doesn't matter.

[C]

Shot himself. The prisoner would have died if the bullet had remained in his brain. Physician said he consented to the operation. Wow.

[A]

So he shot. It was a murder suicide. But he didn't finish the job on himself.

[C]

I'm right. I'm confused.

[A]

I think that's what it is. I think he shot the roommate and then he tried to kill himself and then he survived, and now he's going to be able to stand trial for murder. Isn't that what's happening?

[B]

Because he didn't shoot himself properly in a weird.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He.

[A]

He fucked up the.

[C]

But he.

[A]

Part of the plan.

[C]

Yes. So, yes, it was a murder suicide and he would have died if they didn't take the bullet out of his brain. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[A]

So now they brought him back. And now they're gonna be like, you killed a guy. And he'd be like, I tried to kill myself after. They're gonna be like, you got the death penalty. And he's like, I already did this.

[B]

I. I'm trying.

[A]

I've been trying to do this for months.

[C]

This story was a puzzle.

[A]

Yeah, listen. Twas nice. Steph's back in action.

[C]

Expensive phone call.

[A]

Oh, dude.

[C]

Harry Dukes, 29.

[A]

Harry Dukes. That's what Dave calls his ball bag.

[C]

Paid $5 for a phone call he never made.

[A]

The paper back then. I know the paper. So boring to be, like, crazy. A guy spent money on a phone call he never made headlines.

[B]

Five whole dollars.

[A]

Five dollars on a call he never made.

[C]

You mind if I get my reporter friend over here?

[A]

So what happened? Well, I didn't make the call. Holy. You'll be the second article after a murder suicide non completion.

[C]

Dukes was fined that amount by magistrate John Roberts after testimony that he had climbed a fire escape and tried to force his way to the switchboard room.

[A]

Well, it's a little different now.

[C]

It's really taking a turn.

[A]

It's a little different. How do you make the headline less appealing than the article?

[C]

You made the headline more boring.

[A]

Yeah. Phone call.

[B]

So nobody read this article. This might be the first time.

[A]

Boring murder suicide.

[C]

He climbed a fire escape and tried to force his way into the switchboard room of the Bell Telephone company building on 12th street and Wesley Avenue. On Saturday morning, the operator, Ms. Anna Hoffner, called police. The defendant.

[A]

By the way, the best place to do it. Yeah, she's in the heartbeat of calling.

[C]

Hello? The defendant, who admitted drinking, said he had wanted to make a phone call.

[A]

Element that I've been drinking. I need to make a phone call.

[C]

This guy. This guy is the best.

[A]

I need to call someone.

[C]

He got hammered.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good question too. I forgot. I don't remember. I. I need to go home for the number. I'm sorry I punched you. I'll admit to drinking. I admit I was drinking.

[C]

Wow. Okay. That's the whole story.

[B]

That's it. That's the end. These are how. These end just abruptly like this.

[C]

Some of them just end in the craziest way possible. Some of them think you already know a bunch of information. Some of these stories, if it.

[A]

If it goes anywhere sometimes. Preston, who harassed you in emails? Well, it was. I'm so sorry. Will they. He will add an article that's a follow up. But I guess this guy just. That's it. He just wants to make a drunk phone call. That's a good thing. He didn't. Whoever he was calling. Probably like an ex. I beat up the operator. Can you come over? I need you so bad.

[B]

Your drunk voice is what I think every bad acting job is when they try to act drunk.

[A]

How dare you. What do you want? All right. Can. May I have another take? Man. I'd love one.

[B]

I'd love one.

[A]

All right. I was just trying to call an ex of mine to alert her to some problems in her neighborhood.

[B]

More realistic.

[A]

Is that better?

[B]

It is. It's much more realistic.

[A]

May I hear yours? Hot shot looks pretty good already. Your luck was pretty good.

[B]

3. Three times over the top. Yeah. I never said I was good at drunk acting.

[A]

It was pretty good.

[B]

I met it. I have to get drunk on set.

[A]

Looks a good one. I do that too. For Stan.

[C]

Gareth. The pastimes is brought to you by him. Sexual health, ed is what we're talking about.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

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[A]

Sure.

[C]

Trying to keep fewer things. I want. I want the.

[A]

You're living in yours.

[C]

Yeah. I want the good stuff. I want the. The. The pieces that are really well made, I'm gonna wear all the time. It's easy to wear them, you know, and that's why I keep coming back to this one, this one brand.

[A]

Say it.

[C]

Quince. Quince Keep coming back.

[A]

I can't agree more with that sentiment because that really is what I have with Quince. I have, like. I have a lot of shirts and stuff like that, but I also have, like, this denim jacket. We just went on tour. That denim jacket I wore every night, that's Quinn.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I. There are just certain things where you just go, yeah, this just makes it easy. It's easy to just dress up. I've got a couple of Quince jackets, Quints, pants. They are the best clothes.

[C]

Some people would say, easy peasy.

[A]

I have. I would have an issue with them.

[C]

I. I got a couple linen shirts, which I just wear one today because, of course, it's hot. And. And I got a pair of jeans.

[A]

You mean it's physically hot on you?

[C]

Yeah, everything is. My wife, when she saw it, she's like, what do you. Why are you using my brand? That's my brand. And I was like, well, now it's our brand, so deal with it.

[A]

She said the same thing to me.

[C]

So Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen. And they're insanely soft. Flower knit activewear f men's linens pants, which is next on my list. And shirts are lightweight, breathable, comfortable.

[A]

You're gonna go all linen, huh?

[C]

Perfect for. I've been doing linen for a while and I've had a hard time finding good linen. And this is good linen. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together while, you know, not. Not trying too hard. So we're big. We're big quincers. Gareth's been a Quincy for a while. I'm new to quincing.

[A]

Big, big. They're big into sustainability. They are they all the things that we want from a company. Qu. That's right.

[C]

So look, refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comdollop for free shipping and a 365 day returns policy. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.comdollop for Free shipping and a 365 day returns quince.comdollop this podcast

[A]

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[C]

[e-mail] when I was in college, I was like blackout drunk and I saw my roommate and his girlfriend and I stopped to talk to them and I walked away. And my. My roommate was like, holy shit, he is smashed. And she's like, he did not seem drunk at all. It's because I don't know if I still do this, but I used to. I used to become more Composed.

[B]

He.

[A]

Dave is 70. When we go on tour, like, it took me a while to learn that. When we go on the road, I'm the one who has to be like, let's get out of here. Because I always. He has history. He has. He prepared. I felt like he was the adult in the partnership. And then very quickly I was like, oh, no, this dude will literally. He looks like he's on coke. Like, it'll be 3:30, it'll be like these guys are having a house party. And I'll be like, we need to go. You are a grown ass adult with a bunch of books.

[C]

Oh, so this is a. He clipped two. So it must be from consecutive days. But I think because you're our guest. It's a little column called For Women Only.

[B]

Oh, here we go. So I should be reading it. Pervert.

[C]

Yeah, well, she's got a point. Hey, She's Got a Point by Isabel Ziegler.

[B]

Big fan.

[A]

You like her stuff?

[B]

My loud stuff.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I read a honeymoon is a period of time during which a man thinks if his wife nags at him, it just shows how much she really loves him.

[A]

What? One more time.

[C]

A honeymoon is a period of time which a man thinks if his wife nags at him, it just shows how much she really loves him.

[A]

Oh, okay. So women are allowed to be.

[B]

I don't think that's true. Yeah, women are. Women are allowed to ruin the honeymoon.

[A]

They'd be talking about, I'm having another my time.

[B]

As if. That's crazy. That was that the whole article? You can't tell me that's it.

[C]

No, no, that. No, it's. It's different blurbs. It's different blurbs about women.

[A]

Okay, so you could tell us if this is true or false, but the first one you're saying true. Okay, keep going. Oh, sorry. I misunderstood. I apologize. I'm sorry. I heard what I wanted to hear.

[C]

Yeah, the other woman has the fun. The wife picks up the bath towels.

[A]

The other woman.

[B]

What's this woman's problem? No, this is a man writing this. Isabelle is a man. What are we talking about? As if any woman thinks this way. What?

[A]

But wait, I don't even understand.

[B]

Go. Go cheat on me. I'll pick up your jizz towels after you wash her off your. What are you talking about?

[A]

I do that in the coffee maker.

[B]

This is crazy. Insane. No, I hate.

[A]

I will say, we've done a lot of episodes. This is the first time someone said while you wash her off your. On the show.

[B]

Well, this is Insane.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I'm not understanding.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

This is a man.

[A]

This is better than the Citizen quiz. So far, you're nailing this one.

[C]

Women are quaint people who are fondest of lighting cigarettes when they are loaded down with bundles, getting into a car, trying on a hat, putting on some lipstick, talking on the phone, paying the newsboys and the laundryman.

[B]

This literally is a man who's never seen a. In his whole life and has no idea what a woman is. This makes no. What are you talking about? What is the. You may. You're joking. You made this one up. You wrote this. This is so I can see.

[A]

See this? That's from a paper. I would tell you if it looked like it was in the Notes app.

[B]

This is his.

[A]

It's just if I busted him with the Notes app right now, that would be a bad moment.

[B]

So funny.

[C]

And, man, this is for women only. So this is, like, from women to women.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, sure.

[B]

Yeah. Relatable. I'm relating to all this.

[A]

So you're saying false.

[B]

I'm saying when I'm getting in the car with all my bundles, and I'm like, I just got to try on this hat real quick, that's the time that I like to light a smoke. That's. Yeah, that's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And put on your lipstick.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

So we've got two. Two falses of the truth so far. The bundles. One. Gotcha. Which is. I'm shocked by. But go ahead.

[C]

A columnist informs us a man can tell us all he knows in two hours, and he does.

[A]

That feels very. That one.

[B]

I might be agreeing with that. I'm back on board now. I'm back on board.

[A]

Yeah. Men don't shut up and they don't have much to talk about.

[B]

No. I'm like, really? First dates. That's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, where I don't even talk. That's happened to me before.

[A]

That's a shocking.

[C]

Rogan's podcast is four hours.

[A]

Well, yeah, but it's all four hours.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He does those things forever.

[B]

I'd be like, it's like.

[C]

It's like being. It's like being trapped. It's like. It's like when the pot dealers.

[A]

You were on there, and you're like, I'm not gonna get out of here.

[B]

I'd hit an hour. Be like, my sciatica is acting up. I'm gonna hit the bricks.

[C]

It's back.

[B]

Four hours.

[C]

It's like, back. It's like back when the pot dealer used to come to your house. And he'd sit there forever. And you're like, okay, buddy, you can go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's what the Rogan podcast is.

[B]

That actually is a very good analogy when you're like, well, got anything else to do today?

[A]

You always had to try to go to their house.

[C]

And he's like, in the moon landing. Oh, fuck. Jesus, here we go.

[A]

That would be fucking. And that really was the greatest. Like, the greatest experience. I'd be like, So I found it, like, the best way to work out. You'd be like, all right, there's the weed here. You're almost. So let me show you how to feed these fish.

[B]

Why was it never there? Why was, I don't know, the dealer's house?

[A]

I remember literally spending a full day at a guy's place who was probably 10 years older than me when I was, like, 16. And he was waiting on it, and I would leave without it, and we would have to update 20 people and be like, he didn't get it today. Like, it was a ship. Like, we were just like cartels. He'd just be like, yeah, he didn't get. We're going back tomorrow to hang out with him and watch him bench press in his studio apartment.

[B]

I used to this guy that was a drug dealer. And I remember sometimes I'd go, and I'd be like, all right, so we're gonna. We. And I'd be sitting there going, well, I really did account for the weeds. So can I. And then I felt like I was paying for sex because I'd be like, like, and here's the cash. This doesn't feel good.

[A]

But also, a lot of weight. You got to get it first, then. Then it feels like it's for pleasure.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

As someone who. By the way, that's very mothership mentality. Go ahead.

[C]

When your guest gets too boring, you stare at the polka dots in your homeliest dress until you are in a small convulsion. You gaze at the lettering on the piano until it makes no further sense to you, Steph.

[B]

No. You simply say, it's time to go.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What is this? What are these pleasantries to get somebody you're that bored that they're giving you very specific things to do?

[A]

I think she's saying that my life as a woman is hell. So in order to get through when I can't stand the environment that I've been pushed in, with no actual ability to express opinion, I look at polka dots and I stare at the piano until it makes no sense what's happening anymore.

[B]

And then the guests think that your wife is mentally unwell.

[A]

Yeah. And then the guests are like, boy, Kathy's a real downer. Has she tried Valium?

[C]

I mean, every time we go over there, she starts bleeding from her eyes after.

[A]

That's why I got Shannon the lobotomy. She's been a good world ever since.

[B]

How is this the longest article in this paper? And it's the worst one.

[C]

It's just how it works.

[B]

Makes no sense.

[A]

I'm learning personally, I've learning about women. Yeah. This is important stuff.

[C]

You think up odd sandwich combinations.

[A]

Oh, that's a must.

[B]

You.

[A]

Wait, you don't do peanut butter and. Oh, come on, Steph. Not true.

[B]

I do peanut butter, mustard and tzatziki. Yeah, that's what I do. You. That's my go to sandwich when I'm starving.

[A]

Thinking up sandwich combos.

[C]

You tell yourself amusing little stories you've heard at the office today.

[A]

Office? That's pretty good.

[B]

They gave her a job.

[A]

I know. That's what I'm shocked by. Yeah, that's shocked. I'm shocking. She's allowed to go. What was the next one you think about?

[C]

Finland.

[A]

That's. Yes, yes.

[B]

I think about Finland often.

[A]

See? Crazy.

[C]

I think about Finland recently because I. I watched back to back the Zizu movies, which.

[A]

Okay, sorry.

[C]

That's about a guy killing Nazis.

[B]

Actually.

[A]

What are the polka dots? Tell us about it and I'll stare at them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You wonder how your cousin Dorothy is getting along with her second husband out in Ohio.

[A]

True.

[C]

Or that's the whole.

[B]

Okay, that's the end.

[C]

So this is the last one. Yeah. So basically what she went to there is when she's bored, she thinks of stuff.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And nothing. Nothing educational. Nothing.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know. No.

[C]

But now I know. What. Now I know what's going on in a woman's mind.

[A]

It's helpful.

[B]

Yeah. This is what they wanted women to think in 1940. She's not thinking.

[A]

Well, to be fair.

[B]

Cheating. She's thinking about her friend in Ohio.

[A]

Well, but also we. It's important to put parameters around women. And I. Hold on, let me finish. Because if you don't, they end up washing their panties in the Keurig. In a hotel.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's what freedom looks like.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

No, thank you.

[B]

When you walk into the mothership. I wouldn't know because I'm not allowed there, but they have this article painted on the back of the wall.

[A]

Oh, interesting. Above the urinals. And by the way, it's only urinals.

[B]

It might be.

[C]

I did see a video of a guy clean. Getting the grease out of a pan of. He just like cooked a ground beef and he used a tampon.

[B]

He used the tampon to.

[C]

Instead of draining. Instead of draining the grease, he was like, this is a super easy way to do it. And I was like, you know what?

[A]

It might be an easy way to do it. You know what else? Let's not do that.

[B]

Yeah, how about we.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You pay for those things and paid the goddamn $20 it costs for super plus tampons. Right now it's.

[A]

Excuse me, where are your. Where's your grease, Cotton? Why is it in the woman's section?

[B]

I need the super absorbent grease pockets in my house.

[C]

I'm looking for the little round pan cleaners.

[A]

My wife has a very heavy flow, but it's olive oil. It's meaty after a beef spin in it.

[B]

Stand up 102 with Larry Horowitz. You go, and this is what you use to clean up the grease.

[A]

Then you put this inside of the coffee maker. Boom.

[C]

I really. I really kind of want to do the ground beef in the coffee. I would like to just see it to go. That's crazy.

[A]

Well, if it's good, though, that's. You don't want to open that Pandora's box. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Those old road guys lived a different world. I'll never forget one of the. One of the first road gigs I went on. I was opening for this guy and he was like 55. And I got up in the morning and he was in the bathroom looking at the mirror, going, what happened?

[A]

Well, that's irregular.

[C]

He just kept saying it over and over, and I was like, comedy.

[A]

Hey, man, can I shower? Sorry. Can you do that out here for anywhere else you can existentially cry. And like out here, there's the business center, too. There's a lot of guys who are having crises down there.

[B]

How dare they call that open concept chair and laptop?

[A]

Maybe it's crazy. I really want to spend time in there. Jesus Christ. We got a lot to do. Sorry. I opened my own business in here. Was that wrong?

[C]

Two Tots, Crash Cinema. And how.

[B]

And how. Wow.

[A]

Find out and how.

[C]

Want to see the movies without paying? Duke, age 6, knows how.

[A]

This is an article. We caught up with this 6 year old who tells us how to sneak into the talkies.

[B]

I just walked through the door.

[A]

All right, there we are. What a letdown.

[C]

Duke and his sister, aged five, who live At.

[A]

Hey, how about parents?

[B]

Yeah, where are they?

[A]

That could be fun.

[C]

Went to see the movies yesterday with nary ascent in their pockets and saw the show four times in succession. That's a long day.

[A]

Where are the parents? I don't believe this is real.

[C]

I do. 5 and 6 roaming around 1940 in a. In a small town. The kids are wandering around all over the place. Yeah.

[A]

Five. I like this.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

That I could pull off this level of parenting.

[C]

Wait, I mean you're. I. I'm a little bit older than you, but we were feral animals when I was like, we could do whatever.

[A]

I definitely had. No, no, no.

[C]

I was probably not 5 and 6, but pretty close to that. Like 11.

[A]

Ish.

[C]

No way before 11 for me. But Jen. Jen. My generation. Gen X. Like we were wandering around like animals.

[A]

Yeah. I did not. I definitely. I was. Look, there was a creek I went to pretty much every day to check up on crawfish and frogs and smoke cigarettes. But at five or six I was. They weren't like go to the movies all day.

[C]

Do you know? It was in my.

[A]

I mean have you seen a 5 year old? That is not. They're not capable.

[B]

This is different for women too. My parents, I had a sister. We were not roaming around alone in public.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was always a grandparent or a parent close by watching.

[C]

Yeah, but you're Canadian, so you guys have like a. You're more civilized.

[A]

We've seen your tv.

[C]

You know. It was in my creek.

[A]

What was in your creek? Complaint section of the shows in my creek.

[C]

All the bundles of newspapers that I didn't deliver.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting.

[B]

That's what you done.

[C]

Yeah. Not very smart.

[A]

That's what we read from now just.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

At 1pm Duke and his sister asked the time in a restaurant because they had to be at the movies.

[A]

If a 5 year old asked me what time it was because they had to go to the movies, I would be concerned.

[B]

I picture this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Excuse me, ma'. Am.

[A]

Pardon me. I don't mean to interrupt the oyster fest. Do you know what time it is? My sister and I are going to the cinema. She's five.

[C]

He's also just eating in a restaurant alone with his sister.

[A]

Could I just get another Manhattan, please?

[C]

We are shitfaced at 7:30pm Al Gold City, my lord.

[A]

We're late for the opera. Sis. Come on.

[C]

At 7:30pm Algold City photographer saw the two window shopping on Atlantic Avenue.

[A]

You'd look nice in that.

[C]

And because they looked.

[A]

That would look lovely with Your flowing locks.

[C]

Because they looked rather young to be out. He questioned them.

[A]

This is insane.

[B]

All day one guy went, something's weird here. Whole day.

[A]

Hey, are those toddlers shopping?

[B]

They can't pay for that.

[C]

Gold took them over to city hall where a nice big policeman talked to them. And so the story came out. Little Gene said it was simple. Duke told her to go to the ladies room at an Avenue theater and they let her in. Five minutes later, Duke appeared at the window and said he thought his sister was lost and he had better go in and see what had become of her. And they let him in and they came out five hours later. That's not a bad plan for a five year old. Six year old, that's pretty good.

[A]

I think you're doing the thing that maybe other people are doing, which is believing that this happened. That cannot be.

[C]

It could totally happen.

[B]

No way. That's too young.

[A]

It's just. It is just a little too young. Money has difference in value. Yeah. Age remains uninflated. That is still a five and a six year old going around window shopping. Hey, sis, why don't you go in there and ask them if you can use the restroom for a moment?

[C]

Yeah, I believe it.

[A]

All right. Let's go to the movies all day. Excuse me, gentlemen, do you have the time? My sister and I, who's five, have a very agenda day.

[C]

Further questioning. Under the stimulant of some hot soup and a few slices of pie.

[A]

This is this.

[B]

Now they're back in the restaurant.

[C]

No, now they're talking to the cop.

[A]

Now the cop's like, why don't you kids eat five pieces of pie and walk me through this afternoon.

[C]

Brought out that the children lived with her grandmother, that their mother worked nights in a cafe and their father didn't live with them. No, they had seen enough movies that day, thank you, they said. So radio car took them home.

[A]

Look, you seem like pretty good adults. What if you join the force here?

[C]

I believe it.

[B]

There's no way.

[A]

I'm having trouble. Yeah, I'm having trouble. Yeah.

[B]

Hot soup at a precinct. That's what got me.

[A]

That's where you actually, that's where you jumped ship.

[C]

But we do believe there's a lot of pie at the police station.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Endless pie.

[B]

I like the way he said, a nice big policeman. Yeah, he's filled to the brim with apple crumble.

[C]

That's.

[A]

Why don't you kids sit down and have another piece of pie and we can talk about your day again.

[C]

Welcome to pie station.

[A]

9. It goes into his sergeant. I'm breaking the lid off of a huge case. These kids went to the movies alone and I gave them pie.

[C]

Rogers, you give everybody front page.

[A]

Yeah. What am I doing?

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

What am I doing? How did it go here?

[C]

Everything happens to Castro nova. Carmelo Castronova, 15, of Lee, is back in the hospital again.

[A]

What a weird headline. Child in hospital.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Seven years ago, we got hit by a truck.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

A year later, another truck hit him.

[A]

Now, let's remember, this is his fault

[B]

now for being around this many trucks.

[C]

Three years later, another truck hit him.

[B]

No. How is he still alive?

[A]

Feathers.

[C]

Back then, Three trucks three years ago, he fell down two flights of stairs.

[A]

Well, I'd say he's getting better.

[C]

Last August, he fell off a cliff, breaking both leg, both wrists, six ribs and a hip.

[A]

Now, this kid is one year older than the kids. You were saying, let him roam around town.

[C]

No, he's 15.

[A]

Well, he was 7 when it started. Started?

[C]

Oh, yes. He got out at Christmas time, and this time he has a broken leg suffered in a fall.

[A]

This article is highlighting the pain this child's been through.

[B]

Yeah. So what was.

[C]

This is fairly clearly abuse. This is abuse.

[A]

It's abuse or just lack of supervision. That's it.

[C]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

That's it. Just no questions where it ends. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, we got the whole story.

[B]

Smoked by three trucks. And then keeps living somehow and then keeps breaking things.

[A]

And. And the paper's like, whoa, big update.

[B]

That's it. Big update. Guess what? You'll never know what else happened.

[A]

We celebrate this sick kid.

[C]

He could also be really dumb.

[A]

See, this Dave would have been fine back in this era.

[B]

Yeah, this is you. This story's about you.

[A]

He would have survived fine. It had been like, look, can you just enjoy the fact that the kids got hurt a lot.

[B]

So many trucks.

[C]

There were a lot of trucks back then.

[A]

What year this is?

[C]

40.

[A]

40. Yeah. So, yeah, we've talked when they didn't really have a smooth process of integrating automobiles into this country, but they did it this time.

[C]

Like now. It was pretty locked.

[A]

Now it was good.

[C]

Okay, so for, like, it was so bad. So many kids got hit by cars and killed that. That mothers did a giant march on D.C. and with them, they had a kid that they brought dressed up like a ghost to represent their son.

[A]

The worst part of that story is that a car just plowed through that out of nowhere, just took out 60% of those people marching. It was. The irony is just. I don't know Smithsonian has a wing dedicated. It's tough. Tough to watch.

[C]

Oh boy.

[A]

We need better laws for car.

[C]

Oh, no. 10, 000 word complaint gets 68 word divorce. Walter Morrison filed a 10, 000 word complaint against his wife with such subheadings as my wife's refusal to do housework and insistence that I do it. Okay, now this. Wow. This week, right? This is what. This is one we can all relate to.

[A]

This paper is really misogyny bred with child trauma meat.

[B]

This. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

How is this? This is just a gentleman registering his complaint.

[A]

10,000 word complaint about how his wife.

[C]

That's. That's like 10 pages, right? 10,000 words.

[B]

The time he took to do that, it would have taken him to clean one countertop. It's like instead, woman has a full

[A]

woman, she refuses to clean.

[B]

She's probably like eight months pregnant. Just can't move or breathe.

[A]

Terrible time management focused on things that don't benefit the household.

[C]

Honey, here is my report.

[A]

I also, I will say I the. The level of spoiled the men had back then.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

It's unreal. But as a white man, I'm like, I mean, I get why they tried to hold on to it. It just sounds. Everything got done for you. It was like having a robot you could fuck. Really?

[B]

That's. I mean that's what it was.

[A]

And that was it. So there's. You go, yeah, this is better now. And I'm all for equality, but these, these guys really were like, it's part. She can't tell me her opinions. She has to clean and cook for me and there's sex.

[C]

I actually didn't hear anything after robot you can find.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

I mean, you have a point. It makes sense why the men would have wanted to keep it this way.

[A]

Yeah, that's all that I would say. I mean we've done a lot of history on our show and I haven't retained much of it, but the one thing I would say the founding component of this country is white men dying to not let go of anything. Is that fair?

[C]

Pretty much.

[A]

Yeah. That's just it.

[C]

Oh. When women went to the post office the first time men lost their minds.

[A]

This is true.

[C]

Yeah. Judge Masmano commenting that the 13 page petition was longer than Gone with the Wind, granted the divorce in 68 words.

[A]

Wow. So that's a nice way of just being like, you know what that is?

[B]

That's. The judge was like, you're right. Her, she's a. She better not. That's crazy.

[A]

So 10, 000 words for a 68 word response is like when I sent that video to you saying how good your special was and you gave it a thumbs up.

[B]

Hey, it would have made news back then. This would have made headlines.

[A]

Woman on TV shouting no, it's weird

[C]

that he broke down your comedy to woman shouting. Did you notice that?

[B]

I mean, it actually is pretty accurate for description.

[A]

I cannot recommend. Steph. Special is just.

[B]

It is even the opening alone. Look, if you just. If you don't.

[A]

Opening's great.

[B]

Or like me, just watch the first three minutes. And you.

[A]

But you know why? As I've been editing my.

[C]

You.

[A]

What is great about your special is that there's no lull. The best specials, you don't go, all right, here we like. There's. It's non stop.

[C]

I give people time for a bathroom break.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Dave. Dave. Dave calls intermission whenever he feels like taking a break. Intermission. But it's non stop. Filth queen Netflix. Watch it. And the way she got her special is amazing. Go ahead.

[C]

Honeymoon bard. Walter Weiss, who confessed he robbed an Invalid woman of $149 so he could have money to get married. Was married Wednesday in jail.

[B]

Where's this invalid woman?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Yep. He's just. Well, he's like.

[B]

That's the disruptor. Yeah, that's what they went with flagging that invalid woman. Okay.

[A]

But Steph, here's what you're missing. He stole from that invalid woman to marry another and make her dreams come true.

[C]

So. Okay, so it's called paying it forward.

[A]

Yeah. It's stealing from married at pay Denise.

[C]

That's right. The ceremony was performed just before he was taken from the jail to the state prison to begin serving a 10 year sentence.

[A]

Wow. Who would.

[C]

Well, who would. The bride was Malippa. Carvonen

[B]

Malipa.

[C]

No, just Malippa.

[B]

Okay. Okay. There's a lot going on. The story.

[A]

Is that it?

[C]

That's it.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

You always. You. The way you read it is as if there is more. You always go, yeah, like you open your mouth a bit like there's more to come out and it's. That's it.

[A]

He likes to teach the end of it. It's a big Dave is a history's first edger. He does edge papering.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I used to goon the news.

[A]

Excuse me. So me.

[C]

Oh, Gareth, you're such a pris. This is written by Elsie Robinson and it's called why I Quit Lying.

[A]

You're not buying it already?

[B]

Another message from a man to the Men, let's hear it. Let's hear it.

[A]

If this paper's proven one thing, it's that it's pretty equal. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I feel like, very cool. By the way, this paper's on your birthday, so you can't come at us. This is your birthday.

[B]

I'm realizing my birthday is hell. And I hope that something else happens. Now I have to read my actual birthday the news because this is hell.

[A]

Yes. Fair.

[C]

At one time in my younger years, I was an extremely proficient liar. The thing seemed to come natural to me in the first place. Nature had endowed me with that slightly idiotic look which made the other fellow sure that I hadn't sensed enough to tell anything but the truth.

[A]

Is that a picture of the guy I see from the distance?

[C]

It's a. Oh, maybe it is a guy.

[A]

Yeah, it is a guy.

[C]

Elsie's a woman's name though, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah, I know it's confused.

[A]

I don't view names like that.

[C]

Because it does look like.

[B]

Okay, shut up.

[A]

What? No, I'm just saying I'm very. I mean, yeah, I. I got kicked in the nuts once and said my lipa.

[C]

In addition to that, I had a simple trusting manner when listening to other liars, which automatically seemed to bar me from the union. Surely no gal who swallowed everything so easily can hope to pull a swift one herself. So it's a lady.

[A]

Yep. I'm cut up on all the swallowing.

[B]

So it is lady. You just saw her invalid face and went.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Ugly.

[A]

No, no, it's. If you look at it, it looks like a Johnny Cash painting. And. And again, I don't. But the problem is that you've determined gender to names, which I just won't do. So that's why I was open. I was open. I was ready for whatever.

[B]

And by the way, my first daughter, Joe Rogan,

[A]

this is Rugina and Joseph. They drink their own piss.

[C]

And so I was.

[A]

They're going to the cinema all day and they are. Yeah, that's why.

[B]

That's why was the bathroom.

[C]

It's. I was able with great ease to develop a fibbing technique that was a honey gonna use that more lies I found served countless purposes. Primarily of course they were swell accident insurance. You could wiggle out of the most embarrassing scrapes, duck the most humiliating retribution, buy a few well timed whoppers and rally did not really do a mite of harm.

[A]

Yeah, I kind of am.

[C]

You're with this.

[A]

I'm not against it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Little white little lies that seems this Sounds like a lot of lying. Well, yeah. Yeah. Well, sort of. I mean it was Roger.

[C]

Lives are also handy and wrestling with a situation which I disliked even more than blame boredom. Being a young woman of lively tastes, I frequently found life a very dull affair.

[A]

We've already established why. You go to a party and you're supposed to like, look at polka dots.

[B]

Yeah. There's nothing going on back then.

[A]

Well, your husband writes you and when you don't look at them properly or you seem bored, then your husband writes you a 10,000 word letter of why.

[C]

But a good fiber with a snitch with a smidge of imagination could always start something. So having made these pleasing discoveries, I proceeded to follow them up and became one of America's better manchians. It was a grand racket.

[A]

Oh, met like Munchausen.

[C]

Munchausen. Oh yeah.

[A]

Much house and by proxy.

[C]

And yet years and years ago, I cut it out, quit lying and went to 100 Truth.

[A]

By the way, it's hard to read an article about a redeemed bullshitter on this level because you're like, you probably haven't. You're probably just full of the longest

[B]

one of the whole.

[A]

I was just thinking that too.

[B]

I was like this. There's nothing happening here and it's still going.

[C]

It's really going on for a while.

[B]

Is it still going?

[A]

Yeah, that's. Is. There's more.

[B]

There can't.

[C]

There's a lot more. I might have to cut it down.

[B]

I. I wish you had read this before and read none of it. I mean, nothing's happening right now. This woman was a liar. Now she's not. I. I don't know what.

[A]

But here's what's confusing.

[B]

Back to the kid hit by three trucks like this doesn't make any sense.

[A]

But here's the problem, Steph. This is a whole article about a woman and you're saying it's the worst one. So do you see how that is?

[B]

Oh yeah. Now I'm incongruent.

[A]

Now I'm just pointing it out.

[B]

Well, it's a woman saying she's a liar. She make men now think that women are liars. It's. It's not great.

[C]

Women really like to go after women, don't they?

[A]

Stop.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Come on. Mothership

[C]

Righteousness may listen lovely and look even better, but unless I can be shown that it's practical and profitable proposition, the idea leaves me co. Cold. And that is exactly what happened. I was shown that lying didn't pay and that honesty did.

[A]

So not a Good enough liar to make money.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

So that's the problem. Gotta hang in, gotta double down. Then you get an island, you get to fly your buddies in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have a time you're emailing about it, you're talking to each other.

[B]

There's no.

[A]

Nothing's gonna happen to you and you're gonna be fine. Because it's a little overwhelming when everyone finds out about it and we don't know where to start.

[C]

Yeah, well, I don't know what to say about that one. Drowning during.

[A]

Dave went to the island. That's why. Go ahead.

[C]

I was on the island.

[A]

They went to the island. They worked at the island for a summer. It was like the Saved by the Bell when they worked at the resort for a summer. That was Dave at the.

[C]

I was 47.

[B]

He was stand up comic on the island.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

about. That's always about you in the mirror. Ab scenes behind you. You're like, I what got me here? Why am I doing this?

[A]

Dave sitting in the dental chair.

[C]

Drown during fire.

[A]

That's hard to do now. Now that's a headline. That's a headline.

[B]

The first one of the whole paper.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so here we go.

[A]

How about this in post, Preston? This is the first one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

After.

[A]

And cut out all the Rogan stuff. Go ahead.

[C]

After three alarm fire burned through 10 stories of a building in Queens. Firemen found George Conifere, a furnace tender, dead in the flooded basement. He apparently drowned in the deluge of water from the fire hoses.

[A]

We never think about that. What a way to go. I've never thought about that.

[C]

What?

[B]

Also he's like a furnace guy. So he must have been down there being like, oh yeah, this is get out.

[A]

I. I've never thought about how much water they're putting in there and how much danger that could also cause. But also real weird to drown from. Also amount of.

[B]

Why are you going down to the basement? Get the hell out of the house.

[A]

Very true.

[B]

When there's a fire, what are we doing?

[A]

Well, we don't need. I think your question is flawed because we don't need the furnace going during a 10 story.

[C]

No, you do. Because if the top.

[A]

I'll go downstairs and I'll tweak the furnace. Everyone else get out of the building. I'm worried some of you might start overheating. Lot of water to go through.

[B]

Very rare way to go. Yeah, it might be the drowning during a fire.

[A]

Drowning during fire. I didn't know.

[C]

I'm all for it.

[A]

It's an interesting response. To be honest.

[C]

How to manage electric hotbeds.

[B]

And that's the end of that story. Nobody cares about this man.

[A]

No.

[B]

Rest in peace.

[A]

No.

[B]

On to the next article.

[A]

How to sleep in a warm bed.

[C]

Electric hotbeds offer several outstanding advantages over the old style manure hotbeds.

[A]

What? Is that real?

[C]

I think this is not actual beds.

[A]

An actual.

[C]

I think we're talking about something other than a bed you sleep on. Oh, okay. It's gotta be. Much less time and labor are required to construct and care for the beds.

[A]

Oh, it's got to be.

[C]

Planting temperature is automatically controlled with narrow limits according to the wishes of the operator. And heat can be maintained for indefinite periods and is instantly available in cold. In case of unexpected frosts or cold spells.

[A]

Yes, it is plants. My mother. My mother tells me all. My mother's told me repeatedly that my grandpa saw horseshit on the ground. He would go get his shovel, scoop it up and then walk home for his garden. I think about that every time I see horseshit.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

It's not. It's not a funny story or interesting, but it is in this episode.

[C]

Your family's upsetting,

[A]

so I think that's important.

[B]

I feel like. How far would he walk with his.

[A]

I think quite a distance, huh? Yeah. This is. I. When my mother talks about her father, that I'm like, I. I'm old. But he was old.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I mean, getting a shovel for horse. I don't like the way you're looking at me.

[C]

Well, there's a lot of judgment now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You're looking at me like the way a woman looks at the piano name. Why don't you look down there? Leave us alone.

[C]

Successful operation of electric hotbeds depends upon tight construction, protection from wind exposure, the use of mats or covers to reduce night radiation and normal care and management.

[A]

Night radiation's a big problem.

[B]

That's the problem. That's the problem.

[C]

An area representing two standard sash or six by six feet in size requires one circuit of 60ft of land covered soil heating cable. Soil heating cable when operated on 115v.

[B]

What?

[C]

This never took off.

[A]

This never took off. For many reasons. Watering among them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Because old men were out there with shovels full of poo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did not come at Jeff. Okay. Leave Jeff alone. Jeff knew what he was doing. Jeff with a G? Yeah. No. What?

[C]

A Welshman?

[B]

No, I hate the Jeff with the

[C]

G. So do I.

[A]

Hey, hey. That's my grandpa.

[C]

Yeah, your grandpa Geoff.

[A]

Phonetically, you're correct. Well, Steph, that's it. I. I just. I noticed he had a pen at the end there. Were you jotting down?

[B]

I'm drawing notes. I was just like, huh, that's hot. Bad. I gotta get in the ground.

[A]

Florida. Get again. It's like you're. This isn't a shark tank thing. St's like, that's very.

[B]

I've been making notes this whole time.

[A]

Oh, that's what I should have told you. That's not.

[B]

I'm going to start hitting kids with trucks and That's a good one. Seeing how long they can live.

[A]

Yeah, you'll fit right in in America. This America Filth Queen and Steph Tolev on Instagram for tour dates and all that stuff. That's it. Thank you for joining us. Are you more or less into being a citizen now that you've heard this?

[B]

Well, I think I'm the same where I'm like, I'm never going to read a newspaper if that's what's happening. If that's the articles I have to go through, skim through all that slop.

[A]

You know, it actually. It validates Dave's behavior when he was just throwing them all in a creek for no reason.

[B]

It does.

[A]

So once again, history has proven Dave correct.

[C]

Always.

[A]

Thank you, Steph.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Thank you. And you're. You know what? You're always allowed in the green room here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, thank you, guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sweet. Yeah, I'll bring my own in on a shovel.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Great.

[B]

That's okay.

[C]

That's so weird. So is Kristalia, and she said she'd bring her own, so we're kind of saying the same thing.

[A]

I don't know. Once again, to the editor. Cut that out. Trying to show. Keep that. We're trying to keep as many bridges open as possible.

[B]

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