660 - President Benjamin Franklin - Part One

Summary

Detailed Summary of "The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds" Episode 660 - President Benjamin Franklin - Part One

Release Date: November 19, 2024

In Episode 660 of "The Dollop," hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embark on a comedic exploration of Benjamin Franklin's life, blending historical facts with their signature humor. This first part of the series delves into Franklin's early years, his ventures into the printing business, personal relationships, and pioneering experiments with electricity.

---

1. Introduction to Benjamin Franklin

The episode kicks off with the hosts discussing their upcoming tour dates before seamlessly transitioning into Benjamin Franklin's story. This humorous segue sets the tone for the blend of comedy and history that follows.

---

2. Early Life and Family Background [06:04 - 09:16]

Benjamin Franklin is introduced as being born in Boston, Massachusetts, into a devout Protestant family during a time when Protestantism was illicit under Queen Mary’s Catholic rule.

Notable Quote:

• Gareth Reynolds ([07:05] - 07:05): "He was born into a religious middle-class family. Josiah, Ben's dad had kept the family Protestant in England."

Franklin's father, Josiah Franklin, intends for Benjamin to become a minister, sending him to a Boston school for priest education at the age of eight. However, due to financial constraints, Franklin is pulled out after a year, leading to conflicting narratives between Franklin's autobiography and biographer Ronald Clark regarding his departure from religious studies.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Anthony ([09:39] - 09:39): "Not just for her, but for... I always empathize with the man."

---

3. Entry into the Printing Business [14:53 - 25:22]

At the age of ten, Franklin leaves school to assist his father with the tallow candle business. His passion for reading steers him towards the printing trade, working alongside his older half-brother, James Franklin, a printer.

Franklin's entry into the printing business is marked by familial tensions, especially when James launches the New England Courant, which adopts an anti-inoculation stance during a smallpox outbreak. Franklin, a proponent of vaccinations, begins writing anonymously to advocate for inoculation, leading to further conflicts.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Anthony ([19:50] - 19:50): "And Ben really wanted to have an article printed in the paper, but his brother wouldn't let him. He's like, fucking 16 year old."

Franklin's efforts are met with resistance, branding him as a heretic and atheist, which strains his relationship with his brother and the broader Boston community.

---

4. Move to Philadelphia and Career Development [25:35 - 36:00]

Facing hostility in Boston, Franklin decides to relocate to Philadelphia. His journey is fraught with challenges, including surviving a storm and grappling with his vegetarian beliefs while stranded at sea.

Upon arrival in Philadelphia, Franklin secures a position with Sparks Keemer, a religious and rigidly disciplined printer, leading to cultural clashes. Franklin's progressive ideas and resistance to Keemer's strict practices highlight his innovative and independent nature.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Anthony ([29:35] - 29:35): "You could Die right there."

---

5. Personal Life and Relationships [37:08 - 58:33]

Franklin's personal life is depicted with a blend of historical facts and comedic embellishments. His interactions with Deborah Reed, eventual marriage, and humorous anecdotes about his unconventional behaviors add depth to his character.

Notable Quote:

• Gareth Reynolds ([58:05] - 58:05): "Man, Benjamin. Ben, don’t be an idiot. Take this deal."

Franklin's relationship with Deborah Reed signifies his stable personal life amidst his professional upheavals, portrayed humorously through interactions involving pigs and inventive marital arrangements.

---

6. Printing Career and Innovations [60:07 - 65:15]

Franklin's establishment of the Pennsylvania Gazette and the publication of Poor Richard’s Almanac are highlighted as major milestones in his printing career. These ventures not only solidify his reputation as a savvy printer but also serve as platforms for disseminating his progressive ideas.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Anthony ([63:50] - 63:50): "He that drinks fast pays slow to be intimate with a foolish friend."

Franklin's innovative approach to printing and business ethics contribute significantly to his growing influence in Philadelphia society.

---

7. Experiments with Electricity [66:06 - 83:56]

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to Franklin's experiments with electricity, portrayed with a mix of historical accuracy and comedic exaggeration. From setting up lightning rods to creating electrical batteries, Franklin's fascination with electricity is both innovative and humorously depicted.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds ([73:45] - 73:45): "That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm an electrical weirdo."
• Dave Anthony ([75:03] - 75:03): "In the early 18th century, it was noted that lightning electricity had the same qualities."

Franklin’s demonstrations, such as the notorious turkey experiments and electric feasts, are recounted with lively banter, emphasizing his role as a pioneer in the field of electricity.

---

8. Public Contributions and Recognition [84:23 - 88:14]

Franklin's public contributions, including founding Philadelphia's first public library, establishing fire brigades, and setting up the first city hospital in collaboration with the University of Pennsylvania, are celebrated. His receipt of the prestigious Copley Medal from the Royal Society underscores his scientific achievements and societal impact.

Notable Quote:

• Dave Anthony ([86:29] - 86:29): "Ben installed the lighting rod on his property along with bells."

Franklin's growing reputation as a scientist and public servant sets the stage for his future role as a statesman and President, concluding Part One with a promise of more adventures in subsequent episodes.

---

Notable Quotes with Speaker Attribution and Timestamps

• Dave Anthony ([07:27] - 07:27): "Bringing the dogs. The dogs also love the mattresses."
• Dave Anthony ([19:50] - 19:50): "They’re already, we have the one we got. We only need one news source."
• Gareth Reynolds ([19:58] - 19:58): "Right, because you're pro-pirate."
• Dave Anthony ([63:32] - 63:32): "He that drinks fast pays slow to be intimate with a foolish friend."
• Gareth Reynolds ([73:45] - 73:45): "That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm an electrical weirdo."
• Dave Anthony ([75:03] - 75:03): "In the early 18th century, it was noted that lightning electricity had the same qualities."

---

Conclusion

Part One of President Benjamin Franklin's saga on "The Dollop" successfully intertwines historical narrative with comedic interludes, presenting Franklin as a multifaceted individual—an innovative printer, a pioneering scientist, and a charismatic public figure. The dynamic between Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds brings Franklin's story to life in an engaging and humorous manner, setting the foundation for the continuation of his intriguing journey in Part Two.

---

Stay tuned for Part Two of Episode 660, where Dave and Gareth continue unraveling the fascinating and humorous tales of Benjamin Franklin's rise to prominence.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

We're going on tour. And this is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's been a while.

[Dave Anthony]

March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona, maybe our favorite city of all time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

That is on March 16th. And then we go to Albuquerque, New Mexico, maybe our favorite city ever, we've ever gone to. That's on March 17th. And then we go to Oklahoma City.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is our fav. We often say that it's our number one.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's our number one. The best city I've ever been to. That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma, our favorite city, without question. And then we head to Dallas, Texas, on March 20th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our favorite city.

[Dave Anthony]

There's never been a better city than better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you don't like it, you're a Dallas hole.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you. And then we go to Houston, Texas, on March 21. City, which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas, on March 22 at the Cap City Comedy Club. It's the best city in the entire World.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Number one city in the world.

[Dave Anthony]

You can get [e-mail] Tour Dollop is brought to you by Helix Sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

We both have Helix mattresses. We both love our Helix matches. We both have the ducks lusk. The ducks Lux lusk, which means we can swap at each other's houses and sleep in the same.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been very clear that that is not what that means.

[Dave Anthony]

And we're doing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not. We're no longer going to try to do it. Is what the deal is.

[Dave Anthony]

Bringing the dogs. The dogs also love the mattresses. My kid loves the mattress because he asked for his own, which we got them. My wife loves a mattress. Everybody sleeps great on the mattress. We love it the best. I have 19 dogs. They all fit on the mattress. And you can go on. And they have a little quiz for you to find out what's the best mattress for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Easiest quiz you'll ever get cold or.

[Dave Anthony]

Hot or how you sleep on your back or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. And that's it. Really. They don't really even ask to get into that.

[Dave Anthony]

So on my forehead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

And they got a mattress for that. It comes to your house free delivery. And it. You open up at the box and poop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bam.

[Dave Anthony]

Pow. There's a mattress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Poop is the first way to say that. It comes out like poop and you.

[Dave Anthony]

Got to clean up the poop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not what they don't want us.

[Dave Anthony]

To say that takes one on the floor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it doesn't.

[Dave Anthony]

It's alive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How to tell it's working, but it's very comfortable.

[Dave Anthony]

They also have great mattresses. My sleep is awesome now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really is pillows.

[Dave Anthony]

And I wear an Apple watch sleep tracker. And the sleep tracker is like. Yeah, sleep tracker says yes. It's the mattress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wear a three stooges set of pajamas to bed with the sleeping cap.

[Dave Anthony]

So, look, obviously we've sold you on the mattress, so here's what you're gonna do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We did a good job.

[Dave Anthony]

25% off statewide, plus two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase. Free bedding bundle. Well, let's two dream pillows, a sheet set, and a mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. So here's you're gonna do. You're gonna helixsleep.com. here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go to helixsleep.com dollop that's helixsleep.com dollop like we always say, helix.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don'T sleep on it.

[Dave Anthony]

I never said that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sleep on it. So you should sleep on it. It's a slogan.

[Dave Anthony]

It's upsetting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of the companies are happy with the slogan pitches.

[Dave Anthony]

It is upsetting and called it, quote, his jam pad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jam.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm the hippo guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dav. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

My name's Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My name's Gary. Wait, is it for fun?

[Dave Anthony]

And this is not going to become the tickly podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay? This is like Adam on a five part confession. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments.

[Dave Anthony]

No sleep. Tell hippo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's like Hippo action part.

[Dave Anthony]

No, my friend. You're listening to the Dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to Macham Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about and is having his personal space violated.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's. It's. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I came all the way here not to be rubbed.

[Dave Anthony]

A calming road.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Oh, that actually did feel nice. Oh, girl, my shoulder hurts.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm the one with the. The neck pain because I slept. You know, I sleep on my neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. So you're a man of a certain age.

[Dave Anthony]

For some reason, it hurt. I do have my men of a certain age hat on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a shout out to our man.

[Dave Anthony]

To our man. Mike Royce, who is a. Was the showrunner and I acted on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who was your character on Men of a Certain Age.

[Dave Anthony]

I was Zeus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is, what was Zeus's deal?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, in a couple episodes, he comes down from the mountain and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you had a, you had a couple episodes?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I had an arc of Zeus arc.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

So I came down from the mountain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, Mike has done other shows since then.

[Dave Anthony]

He. Nope, he didn't have me on. One day at a time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about One Dave at a Time?

[Dave Anthony]

One Dave at a time. We're pitching.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me and Mike. You and Mike. Okay, good. I just want to make sure that show happens.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And. Well, you said, you just said this.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth's gonna be very excited about this episode, which is very strange is this is the episode for Gareth that we've been working towards all this time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like. So part of me goes, it is someone I like. And then part of me is like, this is. You're just gonna be. This is gonna be difficult.

[Dave Anthony]

January 17th, 1706. Okay, so that' or January 6th, 1705. We actually don't know which year of our Lord Jesus Christ it was because there was a change from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar. So there are two dates recorded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am big Julian calendar guy.

[Dave Anthony]

I know you are. I'm a Gregorian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So far. This is. You're Zeus. So far. This is strange.

[Dave Anthony]

Sexy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's strange because I'm like, what is this?

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth? Old Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston, Massachusetts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Ah, the President.

[Dave Anthony]

Your boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hilarious. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He was born into a religious middle class family. Josiah, Ben's. Ben's dad had kept the family Protestant in England. His family. His family kept the Protestant Josiah's family. His dad, the family had been Protestant in England when they were there. Sure. Even though it was illegal to be Protestant. Yeah. Right. It still should be, but it's not anymore. But that was under Queen Catholic Mary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

This is from Ben's autobiography. Quote, they had got an English Bible and to conceal and secure it, it was fastened open with the tapes under a joint stool. And then when the great, great grandfather read it to his family, one kid would stand guard at the door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it really was like contrabible.

[Dave Anthony]

It was contrabible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I definitely, like, I feel like if you believe in it that much, it should be okay. Like you should if you're gonna, if you're going to the lengths of like, die Harding a Bible to a stool, you know, it's like, all right, this means a lot to you.

[Dave Anthony]

So does mean a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So, you know, and then you got to read it in secret.

[Dave Anthony]

But I, I, I feel like Die, Harding. Because you're saying he put the gun on his back? Is that what you're saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, McLean.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. It was just because you really destroy the whole building.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Nakatomi Tower.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know what that is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nakatomi Tower.

[Dave Anthony]

What accent is that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's me. Oh, hey, cowboy. It's Alan Rickman.

[Dave Anthony]

We found an accent you shouldn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I could do a Rickman. Oh, really? Mlan.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yippee. Kay.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. That was good. So you can. You can do him, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I can do him being the American.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, man, come on. Don't do this. That in that movie. That part is so awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you're like, oh, John, no, that's the bad guy.

[Dave Anthony]

It works out in the end, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You smoke, man. I'd love a cigarette.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a tough scene to watch. You're scared. I'm scared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anyway, back to President Franklin.

[Dave Anthony]

Josiah moved with his wife and three kids to New England in 1682.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

They had four more kids, and then she died in childbirth on the 4th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. It's gonna be a bad feeling.

[Dave Anthony]

Took her out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not just for her, but for. You know, I always. I always empathize with the man. Just for you to be like, our fourth, and then be like, no, it's all me.

[Dave Anthony]

I gotta take care of the. How am I gonna feed that one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I picture Ben Franklin always with that hairstyle, too. We all do with the bald mullet.

[Dave Anthony]

So he gets married again to Abaya, and they have 10 more kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the. Is going on here?

[Dave Anthony]

They're. They are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben is the 15th?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord. I. I can't get over that. Like, most of your semen is mine, baby. No, no, no. Not yours.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no. His dad wants him to become a minister. And so when he's 8, he sends him to a Boston school to begin the priest education.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

But they didn't have enough money, so he. He pulls him out after a year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Finally, he does know how to pull out.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh. Then he goes to a local school. Biographer Ronald Clark said Ben ridiculed his dad saying grace at night, so he decided Ben wasn't church material. So there's two versions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He ridiculed his dad by saying grace.

[Dave Anthony]

While his dad was saying grace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. Oh. Gotcha.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so Benjamin Franklin's version is that they couldn't afford it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the biographer says that his father basically was like, no, because you're making fun of him. Have no respect for dinner grace.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. Dinner Grace is the best. Grace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's weird. Depends on the meal. That's how I feel. If you're going to thank a higher power, it better be good. It can't be like, you know, kfc.

[Dave Anthony]

You can thank God for kfc.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't be like Oscar Mayer turkey.

[Dave Anthony]

By the way, my son loves. Doesn't love, but he likes to go through the drive thru and get the ice cream at Der Wienerschnitzel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Der Wiener Schnitzel.

[Dave Anthony]

Der Wienerschnitzel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think you've ever been more of a white nationalist than right now.

[Dave Anthony]

Derwinerchnitzel. Der Wienerschnitzel is a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why are you saying Derrick?

[Dave Anthony]

Because that's what it's originally called.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all call it Wienerschnitzel.

[Dave Anthony]

I know, but it's Der Wienerschnitzel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a little too much.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry. I'm using the formal. And on the side they have all the pictures of the food and it's. It's. It's horrifying. Every time I drive through.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Proud. Never been to Wienerschnitzel.

[Dave Anthony]

I know. We went and Finn ordered a hot dog because he wanted to see what it was like. And he was. He took like one bite and he goes, this is like un.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Should be the reaction to every hot dog.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every time someone has a hot dog, it should be that.

[Dave Anthony]

Hot dogs are tasty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't.

[Dave Anthony]

I like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd like a vegan one, but it's really the bun and the condiments.

[Dave Anthony]

Let's touch elbows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd rather not.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the bun and the condiments.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That make the hot dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's a big player.

[Dave Anthony]

You're completely out of your fucking mind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think the hot dog is important. As important as the condiments and the bun. You couldn't just eat bread with ketchup and mustard and relish. I could. Oh, sorry, Darwin there. Schnitzel.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm worried about you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heil Wiener Schnitzel.

[Dave Anthony]

If I don't know someone that well, I don't just call them by their last name. I use the full name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a guy.

[Dave Anthony]

It's called showing respect. So Ben, as a young guy, taught himself to swim. And then he invented a wooden paddle to help him swim faster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fucking hilarious.

[Dave Anthony]

He would hold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hilarious to think that, like, floating on wood hadn't really come about just then. Inventing was a lot easier back then. I guess everyone was a little stupider. But still, I would just think naturally. I feel like I would happen upon that invention. Maybe not.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I don't know about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I call it rock. That'd be me.

[Dave Anthony]

But it hurt his wrist, so he stopped using it. Because you're swimming. Holding it like it can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I see.

[Dave Anthony]

And then he tried a similar thing on his feet. Like flippers. But that also didn't take. So anyway, at 10 he leaves school to help his father's business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Which is having babies.

[Dave Anthony]

Having babies. Just fucking for the dad. So dad's a low class tallow Chandler and SOPA boiler. So he made. He made candles out of fat. Sure, because the wax ones were for the church, but the fat candles are for your house. Little chubby candy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you refer to your penis as a fat candle?

[Dave Anthony]

Don't worry about it. Ben hated it. He did not like working in the little fat works. And he threatened to run away and get a job on a ship. Because Ben really wanted to be a seaman because his dad had a seaman. An older brother had become a semen. And then they never saw him again. I think he died. Maybe. Anyway, Cool. So Josiah hates the sea and he wants Ben to work on land.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben loves reading and he ends up working with his. For his older half brother James, who is a printer. And he. His dad signs him to an indentured servant contract.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Signs Ben too?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. With his half brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that okay?

[Dave Anthony]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How does. What is the deal there?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, now he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're allowed to just force.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I guess so. I mean that's what a lot of people did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a son slave.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, son son.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you're paid a little bit.

[Dave Anthony]

But it's not his dad, it's his brother. So it's not a son slave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, okay. Brother slave.

[Dave Anthony]

You. You have a kid so you like. I could self in if I wanted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll buy my boy.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. So he's contracted from 12 to 21.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God.

[Dave Anthony]

It doesn't get paid anything onto the last year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They signing him to like mega baseball contracts. Don't you think at 12 you'd be like, can we do like a two year free agent thing?

[Dave Anthony]

You would think so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a long nine years to agree to it. Yeah, especially in this time because what are you living to be like 50?

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like you shouldn't have to make nine year decisions when you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nine year decision.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he did it. He only get what gets wages in the final year. And there's another smart kid around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He did sign a Yankee deal.

[Dave Anthony]

He did sign a Yankee deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Although he's not getting paid till the end. So it's more of a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kind of what the Yankees do. More of a dodger.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So this kid, local kid, who's also like a book reading kid. And so they end up debating all the time. Like kid. Like you do when you're a kid, you debate with the other kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Collins is his name. Which included on quote, the propriety of educating the female sex in learning and their abilities for study.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Ben. Ben took the position that women could be educated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

So that was cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Progressive quote.

[Dave Anthony]

Perhaps a little for dispute's sake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so he was just kind of devil's advocate.

[Dave Anthony]

He's taking the. You know, when you're in debate club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. We all know the women don't have brains, but for the sake of argument, I'll really try the tough one.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll pretend women are. Oh. Qualified for working. So he adopted the Socratic method of debating, which is asking questions. That's also known.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like. I like.

[Dave Anthony]

Super annoying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that way of doing it where you're just like, are you sure?

[Dave Anthony]

He became.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you think that really holds water? Spell that, would you?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, God. How long have you been talking in the podcast?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would really rather know. Where are you from?

[Dave Anthony]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you clap both of your hands on your knees? What's in us?

[Dave Anthony]

Do I think you know how this method works?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course I do. Oh. Would you explain how you think it works for me? How do you spell Socrates?

[Dave Anthony]

He became very skeptical of religion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And he would use this method to draw concessions out of even educated scholars. He would write, quote, entangling them in difficulties out of which they could not extricate it themselves. He later abandoned the method because probably nobody liked him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Is that what so great, the soccer Socrates. Socrates's life was like, probably.

[Dave Anthony]

People are just like, jesus, bro, stop asking questions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why? Has it offended you?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I would imagine it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I buy a friend?

[Dave Anthony]

But they were all about debating and, like, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no cheesy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. They just sat in like a square and talked.

[Dave Anthony]

Like some guy figured out the most annoying way to talk. Basically.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Flowers are from God's dick.

[Dave Anthony]

Are they?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

How do you know that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have it on good authority because the soul.

[Dave Anthony]

Who is authority.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God, it's so. I hate him so much.

[Dave Anthony]

So at 16, he reads a book that convinces him to become a vegetarian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Anthony]

Which on philosophical reasons, like animals have feelings. Should be allowed to live.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Shocking.

[Dave Anthony]

But that really annoyed the boarding house. He lived in where they chided him. So he teaches himself how to cook.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, okay. I mean, I don't understand. He has issue with the treatment of animals, but everyone makes fun of him. So then he's like, I'll just learn how to cook meat.

[Dave Anthony]

Because no one. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, vegetarian.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. No one's going to cook a vegetarian meal for him. Crazy. He's like, I'll do it. In 1721, his brother James starts printing a newspaper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And it's the second in America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

The New England Courant and current. There's different ways you can say it. Courant or current. C O U R A N T. Okay. A lot of people thought it was foolish because there was already a newspaper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have the one we got.

[Dave Anthony]

We've got one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We only need one news source.

[Dave Anthony]

And Ben was the distributor, so he was the original paper boy. He just went out ogpb and he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just would be like, paper. Hello. Curious.

[Dave Anthony]

Throw it a guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here you are here.

[Dave Anthony]

Earlier that year, there had been a smallpox outbreak in Boston. About 6,000 people, 60% of the town got smallpox. 900 died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And some scholars, some sorry leaders were like, we should do inoculation. Just brand new technology that China has been using for over a thousand years, but brand new to us because we're white. And there's a lot of backlash.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will it affect us going to the Celtics games?

[Dave Anthony]

There's a lot of backlash. So James, paper, he went full anti vax.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two papers and one goes anti vax.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. So he's like Jimmy Dore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

He was decried as promoting, quote, nonsense, unmanliness, profaneness, immorality, arrogance, calumnies, lies, contradictions and what not to debauch and corrupt the minds and manners of New England.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because he was anti the inoculation.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it was vaccination.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. That's what inoculation is. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, take a little tiny bit of smallpox and put it in, you know, that is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were even doing that back then.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow. That's crazy. So Ben, to me, I would be like, they're just like, it's pond water.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben really wanted to have an article printed in the paper, but his brother wouldn't let him. He's like fucking 16 year old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, I'm sure that that paper was like, after doing the pastimes, I'm sure that paper was full of dumb.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, the stupidest bet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no room.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. How can I get you in here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Dave Anthony]

I got to think about the cow attacking the old lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There's the devil who is going after all the women.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The guy who got caught in a wagon wheel. I mean, this is a huge Newsweek.

[Dave Anthony]

And then I have 75 ads about escaped slaves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I put the women's address in there a bunch. I mean, there's no room. I got to let people know where the hot women live.

[Dave Anthony]

The last page. The whole last page is women's addresses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben writes an article anonymously and disguises handwriting and slips it under the office door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now this is good stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's exactly what happened. And on April 2, his first article is printed, but not under.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Under Shaman.

[Dave Anthony]

James doesn't know who it is. He just knows that someone wrote an article. It's really good. So he keeps writing secretly for the. For the paper. But when he finally reveals that he's the author, James is like, yeah, whatever. You're just. You're being vain. And then. And then they start to argue. The two brothers, like, start to argue a lot. Quote, he considered himself as my master and me as his apprentice, which kind of is what he is because he's an indentured servant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure, he signed a nine year deal.

[Dave Anthony]

That's literally the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but there is some hubris in the idea of being like, you couldn't possibly. Like, I only. I can write the.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm the older brother, you're the idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So whenever they argued now, they would take it to their father. And Ben was normally found to be right. So his brother would then beat him up after.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how you prove you're right.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

So, I mean, that was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Join the Patreon if you want to see camera struggles.

[Dave Anthony]

That was a good time for the dog to bark, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was good. I agree.

[Dave Anthony]

So. So his brother beat him up. James then runs into problems with the Massachusetts assembly because he writes they're not doing enough to stop pirates. They put him in jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just. It is a very un. It's very unrelatable. My pirate articles have gotten me in jail.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, you know, they're trying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trying what?

[Dave Anthony]

Stop pirates. So why isn't he shut the fuck up about them? He's not helping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The pirate situation, is that the real pulse of the time?

[Dave Anthony]

It is for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was. He was just getting in the way.

[Dave Anthony]

He's basically helping the pirates.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why?

[Dave Anthony]

Because he's pointing out that we're not doing enough. But we're doing enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold their feet. The fire. And we're not doing enough. If there's a ton of pirates, there's pirates.

[Dave Anthony]

But you can't stop all the fucking. They come from everywhere. We're just here in town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna build a wall.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, Christ. So while he's in jail, Ben runs the paper. And then when. When James gets out, and this is the second time he was jailed, I think. But he was anyway jail twice. And then when he released a second time, it was ordered, quote, james Franklin should no longer print the paper called the New England Corinth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who wrote that?

[Dave Anthony]

The. The Assembly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. So they were happy with Ben.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they just didn't want him doing the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because this pirate stuff, they.

[Dave Anthony]

Talked about it and they thought about changing his name and then. Or changing the name of. Sorry, Changing the name of the paper. They're like, let's just change the name of the paper. Because they specifically said, no, James called the New England. Right. So at the end, James decides, well, they obviously have such a problem with me. I'll print it under Ben's name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Dave Anthony]

So they write up a new contract to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ben and James.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. So after a few months, though, Ben quits, which he couldn't do previously because he was indentured. Because now the contract.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Free agent.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he's going to look for a job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old is Ben now?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many years into his seven year deal? He's like, halfway through.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's like halfway through. So there are other printers in town, and James went to talk shit to all of them so Ben wouldn't be able to get a job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mm.

[Dave Anthony]

And then Ben also found out when he goes out to find a new job, that most of Boston think he's a heretic and an atheist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ben?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because of what he was writing.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What was he writing?

[Dave Anthony]

And also the questioning of authorities.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then religion a little bit, too. Yeah. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Because he was questioning religion, Grace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So he decided he needs to leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are a paper about pirates. Last time.

[Dave Anthony]

No, because you're pro pirate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Huh? Wait, so. So what? So what did you say he's doing now?

[Dave Anthony]

He's gonna leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's gonna leave where? Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So he decides he's gonna go to Philly, and the boat hits a storm on the way, and they can't dock, so they drop anchor and they wait for the storm to pass and they have no supplies, and so they start fishing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

But Ben, it's so it's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like, not that far. So it's.

[Dave Anthony]

You could Die right there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's like. It's like. But I mean, they're just going like, you know, not too far, and they're like, well, we're gonna have to fish for food. It's like, land. Can we hit. Land's there.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So they fish. But now remember, Ben's a vegetarian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

He considered every fish caught was the victim of an unprovoked murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Fucking love this. I really do. BEEPS Listen.

[Dave Anthony]

Every animal is each other animal committing murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there is a. That's why, like, my beef lies with factory farming mainly because. Yeah, I think you're right. Like, acts of nature, you know, what are you going to do? It's like there. There is this. That is part of it also. There's so much evidence that, like. I mean, remember when you, like if you saw the first time where a guy was doing this experiment with plants and he's like, here's what's happening when people eat plants and it's just like screams And I'm not even saying that's necessarily exactly what's going on, but you definitely. The more you go into it, the more you're like, you know, there is just this. There is this. There is this kind of like circle to all of this. So, yeah, you can't say that. But pescatarians have always had a bit of an issue with. Because they just are like, fish aren't real. And I'm like, they fucking are. We went to a bar in Australia called the Catfish, where there's a fucking catfish that loves to get pet fish like to get pet. There is an emotional.

[Dave Anthony]

Isn't it petted?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Petted. You stop talking. There is like. Some of these animals have, like, the idea pescatarian. My mother's a pescatarian. I'm always like, what's your deal? Just gonna eat all the salmon like a fucking bear? Yeah, no, just. It's a weird angle to me.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. You're weird. Well, why can't someone just be like. I'm like, I'm just. Bacon only.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, you can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fucking weird.

[Dave Anthony]

Bacon you can slice off without actually killing the animal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fucking weird. Yeah, I really. What I'll do is I'm gonna eventually go human only. Oh, that's so crazy to you.

[Dave Anthony]

But then he starts smelling billionaire only. But that's fine. Ben starts smelling the cooking of the fish and he's like, man, that smells really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, that Moida sounds pretty good right now.

[Dave Anthony]

So then he Sees that on a catch. He sees that there's a small fish in the stomach of a big fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's like, if they can eat.

[Dave Anthony]

Each other, I can eat them. Okay, so it's philosophical.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

So he. The storm goes down, he gets ashore. So now to get to like 30.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pounds, you guys have to try COD.

[Dave Anthony]

So to get to Philadelphia from where he is, he has to take a ferry, then walk 50 miles and then take another boat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus. What?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I don't know. Why? Because he got chopped off somewhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the end of the boat.

[Dave Anthony]

He got dropped off a Jersey somewhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know. Okay, so it's pouring rain when he's walking, and he looks so bad that someone thought he was a runaway servant in Philly. Quote, I was dirty from my journey. My pockets were stuffed out and shirts and stockings. And I knew no soul nor where to look for lodging. I was very hungry. And my whole stock of cash consisted of a Dutch dollar and about a shilling in copper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Man, that's not. That is destitute.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also, again, I picture an 18 year old with the bald mullet.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. So he goes to a bakery and asks for a biscuit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, I have one Dutch coin. Can I have a biscuit?

[Dave Anthony]

And they. They don't know what that is. They don't have that in Philly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're like, we haven't gotten those here yet.

[Dave Anthony]

The fuck is that? So he asked for a three penny loaf. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And, hey, someone come out here and beat this guy. This is crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

And they don't know what. They're like, that's not a thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hot cross bunny.

[Dave Anthony]

And then he's like, well, what can I get for three penny? And they're like, three loaves of bread. So it's way cheaper in Philadelphia than pasta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like, whoa.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's holding his bread and there's a bunch of people walking to a Quaker meeting. So he follows them. And then he sits in the back and falls asleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then like some guy was like, I'm making an oatmeal. And you'd be perfect.

[Dave Anthony]

You're the guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You look great.

[Dave Anthony]

So the top printer in town, he goes to. He doesn't have work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My name's Hank Kinkos.

[Dave Anthony]

But he sends him to the next, like, his big biggest competitor, Mr. Keemer. And Ben gets a job with him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He lives with a guy named Mr. Reed, okay. Who has a daughter, Deborah. And there is Sparks Keemer. Very religious. He had A full length beard because, quote, thou shalt not mar the corners of thy beard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that anywhere in the Bible?

[Dave Anthony]

Gotta be. They just said it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, see, there's so much that we're just not. It's like, are you in or are you out?

[Dave Anthony]

I'm in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, your beard looks pretty marred.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's not marred.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it is like, what.

[Dave Anthony]

What's a marred means?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what happens when you go on real time and debate the best?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, is that just cut?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would imagine that it says the. I mean, yeah, I would imagine. I mean, it's full length.

[Dave Anthony]

It's got to just be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Full length is even weird. What does that.

[Dave Anthony]

Length is crazy. That means you just let it go forever. Yeah, it just doesn't stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that seems crazy, but I don't.

[Dave Anthony]

I think some people's beards are like, all right, I'm done. Like, they don't keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, it's down to my foot. That's it.

[Dave Anthony]

That's great. You're really godly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. So he believes that he also rested on the Sabbath. And Ben thinks both these things are ridiculous. But Keemer wants Ben to adopt the practices that he does if he's going to work there. And Ben's like, okay, I will do that if you become a vegetarian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Ben is back to vegetarian.

[Dave Anthony]

He was starving on the ship. He just ate fish on the ship. And after three months, Keemer can't take it. And he wants to eat. He wants to eat meat. And he orders a roast pig, which he's gonna share with his friends. But the pig gets delivered before his guests are there, so he just eats it all. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how much. He was, like, sick of that's how much. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Fuck your beans.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What time's everyone coming? 6:30. Maybe I'll just eat a little snout.

[Dave Anthony]

So the government.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, where's that pig? All right, there's just a bunch of bones here. Where's that pig at?

[Dave Anthony]

Would you like to watch me go to the bathroom?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Are you okay? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dude, I feel weird. Yeah, you're like crash dieting. Oh, man.

[Dave Anthony]

Smells so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You smell pretty foul.

[Dave Anthony]

It's pig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're really.

[Dave Anthony]

I hate the whole pig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're sweating, brown.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I think I figured out a new thing I'm into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's that whole pig eating? Oh, well, you made it sound kind of like.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Erotic for a minute.

[Dave Anthony]

It is as well. Well, depends how you do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Turn around. He ate it. Ate the whole thing and a lot of the bones. What are you looking at me for?

[Dave Anthony]

Like, hi, Piggy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no. We're not doing the cartoon stuff. No, no.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

The Governor of Philadelphia, Sir William Keith, heard of Ben's printing experience, and he's thrilled because the city has two printers who were, quote, wretched.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

So. And one of those is Keemer, right? Or Keimer. Whatever. I probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the. That's Deborah's father.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. No, the other guys. The other.

[Dave Anthony]

The boarding house guys. Deborah's father. Okay. Okay. So he in because he wants to talk to Ben, but I think he has to have Keemer there because he's Ben's boss. I don't know. But they both come to lunch, okay. And quote, anyone having.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anyone have pig, please come to lunch.

[Dave Anthony]

And bring a pig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll have the whole pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Quote, I was not a little surprised. And Keemer stared like a pig poisoned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's because I ate a whole pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Two days ago, the governor tried to convince Ben to start his own printing business, but Ben would need financial backing from his dad to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So the governor wrote a letter to the dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fucking weird. Dear Mr. Franklin, can Ben be a paper man? Signed, the Governor of Philly.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben took it personally to Boston. And his dad took the letter and read it and didn't say anything for days. And then finally declared the governor had little discretion to ask for so much money, and he refused.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He wrote back saying he didn't think Ben was ready. And he told Ben he would consider it when Ben turned 21.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Tell my boy.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben goes to New York on the way back, and he hangs out with his friend Collins, the guy from. That he used to debate with when they were kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

He's now a big drinker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Collins is.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, he gets in trouble, and Ben has to get him out in New York. And then they go to Philadelphia together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And Collins wants to get an accounting job, but the big problem is that he's drunk, right? So he couldn't. He couldn't find work. So he's basically just leeching off Ben, this a long time. And then one night, they're out on a boat together, and they're taking turns rowing, and he refuses to row.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Collins. Yeah, I'm done.

[Dave Anthony]

And they argue, and then they fight, and Ben throws him out of the boat into the river.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

And then every time he tries to get near, he just rows a little bit away so he can't get in the boat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, come on.

[Dave Anthony]

And he's like, only if you say that you're going to row while I let you back in the boat. And Colm's like, I will not row.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll die.

[Dave Anthony]

And then they never talked again after that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the end of the friendship might have. The guy might have died.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sure he let him back in maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or like over.

[Dave Anthony]

Maybe swam over to the shore. But anyway, their friendship's done ultimatum. Because the guy's like, I'm not rowing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why they call it an oar.

[Dave Anthony]

So Governor Keith still wants Ben to be a printer. And he offers to buy whatever he needs from England to set up a shop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Because the only place they can get the equipment is from England. There's no place in America that makes printing stuff, man. It's early on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So different now.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the same. He would. He said he'd give Ben letters of recommendation and credit to go to England and get all the stuff he needs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ben needs to go get it himself.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

But Ben goes to the governor's office to get the letters, and the governor secretary is like, oh, they're not ready yet. And then they just keep not coming. And then a merchant tells Ben that the governor is just known as a huge bullshit artist. So he's still going to England because he still wants to do this. And before going, he courts Deborah and smash. Her mother's like, she's too young to marry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old is she?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know. They gotta be pretty young. I mean, she's gotta be from 17 or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so it's like a Matt Gates deal.

[Dave Anthony]

But Ben made promises to her and then he leaves. But the whole time he's in England, he only writes one letter. And the only letter he writes says he's not coming back anytime soon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of Romeo.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's looking for printing work in London because he wants to improve his printing skills. And a friend is living with a woman, and he bails on the woman. And then Ben, quote, I grew fond of her company. And being at this time under no religious restraints, and presuming of my importance to her, I attempted familiarities.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Porkin.

[Dave Anthony]

He tried to bang. Yeah, he was trying to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was trying to get familiarity. Would you like to make familiarity?

[Dave Anthony]

Would you like if I familiar inside of you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we are.

[Dave Anthony]

Which she repulsed with a proper resentment and acquainted my friend with the behavior. So she was like, get the fuck off me. And then told his friend who Ben's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trying to Fuck me.

[Dave Anthony]

Who had bailed on her? Like, I don't get that part, but yeah, she was like, ben's trying to bang me. So. So he's in London for 18 months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He really got rejected. Hard.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, I'll tell you, that age, it's hard to get rejected.

[Dave Anthony]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I like to bang.

[Dave Anthony]

And so he gets offered by some Quaker merchant guy a job back home as an accountant and salesman. So he. He can afford America, he can afford to go back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who's this guy? He gets a letter.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't. I think the guy might have been in England or maybe. Maybe he did get a letter. But anyway, he goes back to Philly. He's now 20. He's got more experience and skills. And he worked virgin, maybe? Yeah, he worked for the Quaker for a few months until he got pleurisy, which is a lung thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Which very often fatal at that time. But he did not die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

And then his employer then, quote, fell ill with distemper and died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

I look up distemper. It's a dog disease. So I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is it?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know. I couldn't figure it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Abe did not have temper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. So his boss died from distemper.

[Dave Anthony]

So Nakima comes back and says, will you come work for me? And Ben doesn't want to, but he agreed. And pretty soon he realizes that gotten really big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, pretty big to do this. I've only been eating pig.

[Dave Anthony]

No, not as a printer. I want you to hunt pigs in the wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of what I'm doing now is pig based printing. So I breathe it on the skin of a pig, and then I eat the pig, and then I eat the paper.

[Dave Anthony]

I have. Any noise I make when I breathe, I go. So Ben realizes I married a pig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, but then you ate my wife. I know you're gonna say that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like to eat my wife. Every time I'm about to eat a pig, I marry it.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I get familiarities.

[Dave Anthony]

You should not be talking to people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I eat my bread. You see what I'm saying?

[Dave Anthony]

Luke, stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a little cutie pie. You had to try it. You ever married a pig?

[Dave Anthony]

Stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever eaten horse?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should try.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Come here, you.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's take our shirts off and roll around with oils. No.

[Dave Anthony]

Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just wanna eat some pig. Pig is good.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. The problem is, if you eat the greens, doctors will tell you that's pretty bad for you. Good. Eat pig. Pig is good. Eat the pig head, the heart, the brain, the bum hole. Oh, boy. Hello, pig.

[Dave Anthony]

I know. You do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's. Have I told you about my new diet of pig?

[Dave Anthony]

No. Stop touching me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love a bit of pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm having my hands hooved.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you noticed you have no friends, noodle?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, I will tell you. I'm king of pigs. You ever heard about that?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I sleep out with the pigs and we make it in the mud. And when I mean make it, it means they take my pud.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't tell my wife.

[Dave Anthony]

You don't have a wife anymore. Oh, you remember your fucking pigs?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I ate her.

[Dave Anthony]

Was she a pig?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, my daughter's pretty clear. Every time before I eat a pig, a whole pig, once a day, I marry the pig and I call it my wife. And then I. Yeah, I do a lot of stuff, so. Miss you.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben soon realizes that he is training new printers who would then take over the job he's been hired to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think maybe my pig rant threw me in a direction of not understanding.

[Dave Anthony]

Keemer hires him. Yeah, but he just is. He's just training new guys to eventually get good enough to take his job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. Gotcha.

[Dave Anthony]

So he pays Ben well, and that's up until the other guys get better. And then he's like, I'm overpaying you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So Keemer becomes abusive then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And he starts yelling at Ben in public. So Ben leaves. He's like, fuck off. And then another guy who was there at the shop comes and says, look, Keemer has a terrible reputation, and without you, his business had probably just totally fail. So you should start your own company. And I have a rich dad. He'll back you, and then I'll come work for you. But they have to order equipment from England.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've got to go get it.

[Dave Anthony]

Which they do, but then they have to wait for it. So that's going to take a while. So in that time, Keemir gets a job printing money for New Jersey. And he asks Ben if he'll come back to work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'd be great on the hundred. Have you ever thought about money modeling?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've just got one of those kids. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You just kind of have a head for money. Do me a favor. Look off to the side a little bit. Good. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Look kind of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Let me paint you. I'm really loving this yeah, that's good. That's real good. Wow. I think this came out pretty good.

[Dave Anthony]

Why do I have a snout?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Am I humor?

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth, if that's your name. We are also brought to you by Mint Mobile. Oh, Dave. Look, you get all these big wireless providers out there and what you see is not what you get from them. Between the store and the first bill, there's a wow. All of a sudden there's a lot of stuff on there and it's a lot more than you thought. Mint Mobile, that is not how it works. You don't have to worry about these crazy gotchas. When it says when mint mobile says 15 bucks a month, when you purchase a three month plan, that's exactly what you get. I've been using the Mint Mobile a bit and my wife has been using it a bit and it's great. It works as well as all the others.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's all you can ask for.

[Dave Anthony]

It's fantastic. It's cheaper. My God, is it cheaper? And that's kind of how things should work. And that's better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree with Ryan Reynolds.

[Dave Anthony]

So get rid of your overpriced wireless insane bill that you're paying for with all these crazy overages and just get yourself a sweet, sweet little bill with Mint Mobile. 15 bucks a month. High speed data, unlimited talk, talks, text, not just one talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Unlimited multiple talks. And texteds.

[Dave Anthony]

And texteds. And they got a 5G network. That's what answers everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

$15 a month. Three months. Let's go.

[Dave Anthony]

So to get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.comjob that's minmobile.com dollop. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month. At mintmobile.com dollop the $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. C. Mint Mobile for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

We are also brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace, of course, an all in one. They got it all. I mean, it's. It's a. If you don't know what we're talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

About, they change with the times.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a. It's a website company. They also do domains. They do a ton of delightful things. We are big users of Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, every website we're associated with is Squarespace everyone.

[Dave Anthony]

Because why? Because it's easy to use. The templates look great. They're crisp, they're Clean. You can find a bunch of different templates. What you need, you can mess around them before you sign up so you know it works for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

User friendly, very user friendly. Helpful with your small business, getting your business up, selling your merch, your content, all these things.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you can, you can sell content like Gareth just said, if that's your name right on your site. You add a paywall to sell memberships or courses, or sell files to download like PDFs, music, ebooks, whatever you want. You can have a video collection. Gareth has a really disturbing video collection up on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you very much.

[Dave Anthony]

You can organize your video library, showcase your content on these great web pages, sell access to the library, have a paywall. You love it. In a way that's disturbing your website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My website, My website.

[Dave Anthony]

I have a more website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your website.

[Dave Anthony]

You can also do client invoicing. You can easily manage your clients invoices from vetting leads to receiving payments through invoices in a streamlined customer workflow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So pyramid scheme.

[Dave Anthony]

Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That is once again a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's go, Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

We are also brought to you by Aura Dave. We're talking about digital frames. Dave, these things are awesome, particularly for. I mean, I like them, we have them around our house now, but for grandparents, parents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me ask you this, what's better having one picture frame? We're having a bunch of pictures in a frame. It's pretty obvious.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Look, you can set it up so we gave my mom one and I can just upload photos onto it so she gets the pics.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I gave your mom one with a bunch of pics.

[Dave Anthony]

And the police are still looking into that, I have to be honest, because that is considered a crime. When you did. Right now we're talking about nice pictures. I can put up kids of the grandkid. I can put up kids pictures from my mom of other people's grandkids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holiday season.

[Dave Anthony]

Holiday season.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Dave Anthony]

Pictures of fruit and trees.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, a great thing to do is to do what you did. You just put for your mother or your grandparent or whatever you pre. You put in the pictures, you give it to them. What a lovely gift.

[Dave Anthony]

And it's super easy to get started. And the tech is great. You can upload photos right from your phone. Just a simple click. So it's great. No memory cards, no USBs. None of that stuff is required. Wirecutter named it the number one best digital photo frame. So for a limited time, visit auraframes.com and get $45 off Aura's best selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code Dollop at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code dollop. This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best offer of the year. Don't miss out. Terms and conditions apply.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. You yawned one time.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben agrees to come back and then they present their work to the New Jersey assembly. And Ben, who is the more educated of the two it refined basically is welcomed. Keemer's an outsider. He was, quote, an odd fish, ignorant of common life, fond of rudely opposing received opinions, slovenly to extreme dirtiness, enthusiastic in some points of religion and a little novish with all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let me talk for a minute, Ben. What we're trying to do is make a pig based current events magazine paper or something like that. So let's all put sauce on our fingers.

[Dave Anthony]

Excuse me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on a second, sir. I'm in the middle of something. You piece of crap. Let's all seriously. Hold on a minute, sir. Let's all take a little bit of the meat out of the pig and let's all try to throw it into my mouth, which will be open. We're showing money now, befo. Hold on, sir.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you have a pigtail?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now? Hold on, sir.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that a pigtail?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's taped on. Now, hold on, sir. The idea here is that I'll put some sauce in my mouth and then you throw pig in it. And then I'll tell you what sauce I think it is. And I'm pretty sure that's a foundation for what a paper could be. If your question is, have I been with this pig? Let's just say it's been marital. Okay, now first sauce. Someone squirt. Ben, you start. Some of these guys look like they're a little freaked out. Come on. Hey, why don't we do this? Pig jams. All right. Pig jams. Come on, guys. Pig jams. Pig jams. Let's make them. Come on, guys. All right, everybody lift your nose up and let's pretend we're piggies. That's right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on. All right, how about this? Let's get inside of the pig And I'll pretend like I'm the leader of the pigs.

[Dave Anthony]

Are you able to feel shame?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's the thing. Well, to answer your question, no, I'm unable to. But part of that is because I have a family of pigs and they're my best friends.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at my teats. No, some of these are fake. I've been putting fake. I've been pulling on these nipples with hooks.

[Dave Anthony]

Stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I made some hooks. The hardest part about getting baby pigs to suck on your teats is no milk will come out.

[Dave Anthony]

Stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's where the paper comes in.

[Dave Anthony]

The paper is money. We're making money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let's figure out how to get milk to come out of these teats. And they're gonna work. My God. Hey, Ben, I think you pushed it a little bit back.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, stop talking. Okay, so Ben sets up his new business in a warehouse. When he gets his equipment, he gets some customers. And then camera starts. A paper called the Universal. Instructor in All Arts and Sciences and Pennsylvania Gazette.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just insane. We have just gotten way better at titles. Like, we had a time where we were awful.

[Dave Anthony]

It only has 90 subscribers, though, and Keemer's now in debt and he sells the paper to Ben. Ben changes the name to the Pennsylvania Gazette.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, work on your titles.

[Dave Anthony]

And then he asked for submissions, but he mostly writes the paper himself. It was, quote, mildly radical and happy to print unexpected or racy non news items.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so he was a little like Murdoch.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, like he would do a list of more than 200 words for drunkenness.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So a little entertainment.

[Dave Anthony]

He's drunk as a wheelbarrow. He's got his top gallon sails out. He's loose in the hilts. The malt is above the water pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, especially back then because they're like, we don't have enough words for how drunk we all constantly, every one of us.

[Dave Anthony]

So the paper becomes increasingly influential. People like it. There's a debate over printing more paper money. And Ben makes an anonymous pamphlet supporting it and distributes it called the Nature and Necessity of Currency. Paper currency. And then it convinces people and the legislator passes the bill. And then Ben is hired to print the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Quote, a very profitable job at a great advantage to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you. Was there some of this, like, in line ahead of time? Was it a little pay for play?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it was totally. He. No, I don't know if it's pay for play, but he was clearly going to make money off it. So he pushed it like, cool he got more printing contracts. And humor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Must have been furious.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. What do you think I sound like? Nope.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right. I ate myself. He.

[Dave Anthony]

He. He opens a stationery shop. Now gamers. Business goes bust. So Ben starts paying off his debts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gamers.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But doing it so everyone sees he's doing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And seeing that he behaves in a, quote, industrious and frugal way. So it's like doing it for show for doing it for, like, this is how good of a person I am.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

He's not religious, but he sees religion as useful because it provides a moral framework.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

What mattered to Ben was truth, sincerity, integrity. Although he's happy to bend the truth where it helps him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why they call him Ben Franklin. I think that's a funny joke.

[Dave Anthony]

By the 1720s, he was crushing in his business and position in society. But he needs a wife. He's got to have a lady. And he met with a young woman a few times and told her parents he would take her as his wife if they paid his debts of £100. And they're. And they're like, yeah, we don't have that kind of money. So he says, well, here's what you can do. You can remortgage your house and then use that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Pay me off. And then they're like, you know, Tom Selleck, we actually don't approve of you. Like, you're not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll pay you to let me have her.

[Dave Anthony]

He quote. Soon found that the business of a printer was generally thought a poor one. And I was not to expect money with a wife unless with such a one as I should not otherwise think agreeable. So he took his. Walk me through this. So printers are seen as lower status. So a quality man. The family would pay for the daughter to marry a quality man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Because you're going. You'll probably end up making money and taking care of us to some extent.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And a not quality daughter. Then they would pay him because she's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Take her off.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. My God, she's hideous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

And then. But normally he would just marry with not getting anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That would be the. That was for.

[Dave Anthony]

For a decent. Like, a decent woman wouldn't pay. They were. Yes, you could fall in love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Because a lot of it. I mean, I know at some point it was like livestock was involved, where you were just like, you get a goat.

[Dave Anthony]

Here's some pigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Ben. Ben, don't be an idiot. Take this deal. Take Ben. I'll train the pigs for you. So maybe we put ribbons on some of the girl pigs. No, no, no. Just.

[Dave Anthony]

No, let's. Let's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, maybe we'll do it.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I think I feel like you've talked too much about pigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, come on. It's merely one shade of my personality.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the whole thing. It's all the personality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it isn't.

[Dave Anthony]

Are those the new pants?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, these are.

[Dave Anthony]

I got. I got a pair on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love them.

[Dave Anthony]

Aren't they great?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This feels very branded.

[Dave Anthony]

It does feel very random. Public wreck. Yeah. I love them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I already ordered my hoodie.

[Dave Anthony]

I ordered three more. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I didn't get a hoodie. I should have gotten.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great. And let me tell you. You know what? It's. This is my problem. When I get pants I like. I immediately. I'm like. I'm worried I'm gonna spill something on them.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I get filled with. There's dread.

[Dave Anthony]

Little pig drippings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, well, a little pig dripping should really make these pants look nice. The goal is to eventually have it be hog juice color, you know, so if I stain my pants with a little hog juice, that's just the Lord's way of saying, eat more hog on these pants and make the whole thing a hog juice color. And then eventually you make pants of pinks.

[Dave Anthony]

You're never going to meet a woman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't need a woman.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am my own woman. Okay. I made. I made a hole from pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And guess what goes in there?

[Dave Anthony]

Nope.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My baster.

[Dave Anthony]

So, Ben, after learning this about the level of printers, he. He. He goes on a bender. He starts just drinking a lot, and he just dives into sex workers. He's like, this is gonna be. Let's do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's go, benny boy.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1730, one, child, William. But no one. No one knows who the mother. Mother was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not even today.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody knows. No. He probably do, but no one knows. One rumor was a household servant. A London paper claimed, quote, an oyster wench in Philadela, Philadelphia, whom he left to die in the streets of disease and hunger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, there's a lot of gap between those two.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

An oyster wench.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just going around selling oysters.

[Dave Anthony]

Or maybe she. Yeah, that's probably it. Or maybe she fucks for oysters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've done that.

[Dave Anthony]

In September of 1730, he marries Deborah Reed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

He was. He was the one he was engaged to before he went to England. And then Never wrote her. And then she married someone else when Ben was away. And then his husband. Her husband just took off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool.

[Dave Anthony]

So they still liked each other. So they got married.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Not in a church, in case the first husband showed up again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, these rules are.

[Dave Anthony]

She would still be married then. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But if it's outside of a church. So they basically just had, like, a. Like.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like a. It's like a. It's like a state marriage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's like a fake marriage.

[Dave Anthony]

No state you can get married in, like, in the city hall as opposed to in a church. You know, if you get married in city hall, you don't have to get it annulled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You tell me. I'm married twice.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you. You all animals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm married twice. I got a church wife. Stop. I got a city hall wife.

[Dave Anthony]

So Deborah helps Ben at work. They live with her widowed mother, his bastard son, William. And then they have another kid, Francis, or young Frankie. So Ben's printing business sounds like a pilot. Ben's printing business makes books and bills and bibles and bonds and makes everything. He just prints everything. Anything without a bag contract. In 1740. Yeah. In 1741, he printed the first medical reference book in America. Three years later, he printed the first novel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben is rolling in money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The first novel?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your paper is very strange. I don't know, I was thinking, what if you just followed one story the whole time? Highly unorthodox.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's got money now. He gives loans to the poor. In 1733, he published Poor Richard's Almanac. Which almanac is a calendar. It's got important dates and astrological. Astrological data and tide tables. And then there's also advice and there's little, like, observations. So they're very popular.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's just. It does. It is, like, for the time, it had to be so entertaining if there was nothing like that.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, the thing about all this stuff you can read. You can. It's basically like there was nothing to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. And then some guy's like, I invented Sudoku. And you're like, this is a fucking unbelievable.

[Dave Anthony]

I invented making little shitty comments about the moon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wrote a column about pigs and how you can eat them and make them brides.

[Dave Anthony]

Shut the fuck up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's put sauce in my mouth and guess which one it is. If you're so tough.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sickened. Almanac's very popular. His almanac starts selling 10,000 copies a year, which is a huge number.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

He had pearls of wisdom, like he that drinks fast pays slow to be intimate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't understand that.

[Dave Anthony]

He that drinks fast pays slow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

To be intimate with a foolish friend is like going to bed with a razor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, I'm not. I mean, chlamydia.

[Dave Anthony]

Love your enemies for they tell you your faults.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I like that.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben saw it as, quote, a vehicle for conveying instruction among the common people. Okay, so Ben thinks printers have a moral duty to print both sides of an argument.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

But he would also reject articles on the basis that they were, quote, scurrilous and defamatory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, that's. I don't think that's right. I mean, I watch a lot of cnn. You're supposed to do that.

[Dave Anthony]

He writes a lot of satire, including poking fun at the witch trials, which some are still going on around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Lord, that. That has aged terribly. Those worked. Those worked.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the only way to keep everything in order.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those witches sink.

[Dave Anthony]

Ever since we stopped float. Ever since we stopped the witch trials, everything has just gone crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's terrible. We need to bring them back. And by the way, the good news, about six and a half years away.

[Dave Anthony]

From six and a half. If.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's generous.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, he used a lot of aliases while writing, like Silence, Do Good. Alice Addertongue, Polly Baker and Anthony Afterwit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Anthony Afterwit.

[Dave Anthony]

He must.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm friend Franklin.

[Dave Anthony]

He created Philadelphia's first public library. And that was. You pay £2 a year and then you have access to the books. And if. If you're not a subscriber, you can just borrow one for a per book book fee. And this is hugely popular.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a good business model.

[Dave Anthony]

It's still.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's shocking that libraries have hung in there when this country.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, they'll be gone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. Yeah. What. What is next is like they're going.

[Dave Anthony]

To go after libraries for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's something to look forward to.

[Dave Anthony]

He proposed creating a fire brigade in 1736.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone who spreads fire.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. It was created just months later. And Ben helped create the first city hospital in the University of Pennsylvania. So he's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like, I'm shaking.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's a big. He's a real. Around town. In 1736, young Frankie died of smallpox.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which one was young Frankie? Oh, the kid.

[Dave Anthony]

The kid. He ended up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He didn't know who the mom was.

[Dave Anthony]

From Ben's autobiography, which was Years later, in 1736, I lost one of my sons, a fine boy of 4 years old by the Smallpox taken in the common way. I long regretted bitterly and still regret that I had not given it to him by inoculation. This I mentioned for the sake of parents who omit that operation on the supposition that they should never forgive themselves if a child die under it. My example showing that the regret may have. May be the same either way and that therefore the safer should be chosen. It's 2024.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would argue that at this point, the child probably died from fluoride. And if you're gonna give him a.

[Dave Anthony]

Small dose of smallpox, you can't even do it because you need to, like, gargle rocks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hard. It has to be harder to understand.

[Dave Anthony]

I guess I will tell them. Don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so funny. It was so incredible that he had to eat a Big Mac.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, so good. The look on his face. He looked like Larry, like the way Larry David looked, except he couldn't say anything. Yeah, like that was a scene out of a Larry David show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Robert, what do you want? I might just have some. Robert, we're getting Big Macs. He had to.

[Dave Anthony]

You need to. You need to now what you're going to do what's known as cucking yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

From Air Force Fed.

[Dave Anthony]

Now between. I said the picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was probably going on picture. Robert.

[Dave Anthony]

Sam, your. That. That is. That was the greatest sign that he will not be there long because Trump is just gonna with him. Oh, my God. Okay, so. So get vaccines is what we're saying here, because I don't know if you listen to the dollar, but all the kids dying at the beginning is because no vaccines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben was very big into science and doing his own experiments. And in 1743, he invented the Ben stove, which was a personal fireplace to solve the problem of heat going up the chimney. So it's basically one of those metal doohickeys that you see now, like the stove that he's. You know, when you see him in a house, that they burn wood and they keep the house warm. So he wrote a pamphlet to promote his invention, although he never patented it, which was the. The. The pamphlet was targeted at women who, quote, sat more in the house than men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With your little brains, you're.

[Dave Anthony]

You're in the house doing woman things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he never patented it.

[Dave Anthony]

Nope.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Strange.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1736, he became. And another guy made it better. And then that's kind of the model you see today. So in 1736, he became clerk of the Pennsylvania assembly, which gets him more contracts to print votes and laws and paper money. Et cetera. During debates that he found boring, he would amuse himself by creating magic squares, which was a math puzzle where every row, column, and diagonal adds up to the same number.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Isn't that the thing where you put it in your hand with your friends? You're like, pick a number. He was doing that sort of stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Pink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, now pick a symbol.

[Dave Anthony]

Square.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. You're gonna marry Mark Paul Gasto.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. Is he a pig?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Benjamin.

[Dave Anthony]

The assembly was in a constant disagreement with the proprietors of the state, who were the Penn family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So the pens were given the land by the crown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So funny that they were like, this is Pennsylvania.

[Dave Anthony]

You get this. Yeah, I had no idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they were just people.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they're just rich people. So they got this big piece of land, and the pens would appoint a governor to represent the crown. But the governor just does what the pens want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

So England has to approve new laws, and in the original charter, the pens were exempt from paying taxes on their own land.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That makes sense, though.

[Dave Anthony]

So the assembly keeps passing bills to make them pay taxes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the difference.

[Dave Anthony]

But the governor would amend it to say, no, they don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

And they would go back and forth like this. And then finally, the assembly would give up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how we do it.

[Dave Anthony]

And in 1737, Ben was appointed postmaster in Philadelphia, which all great for his printing and newspaper business because he can send the newspapers out for free now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

You get like, 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is he.

[Dave Anthony]

You get 10 of whatever you. I don't know, the cost, whatever you charge people for mail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And then. And then you get to send stuff. Your own stuff for free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So it's a pretty fucking sweet deal, right? So this greatly increases his circulation. And he came up with. He. He's the guy who came up with. We had asked this before on the past times. He's the guy who came up with the idea of printing the names of people in the paper who had letters waiting at the post office.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That's co as his adventure, but it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, like, dumbest thing in the world.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, so obvious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Clark Franklin.

[Dave Anthony]

And now he also has a daughter, Sally. So William and Sally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1748, Ben gave up personally managing his printing business, but stays on as editor of the. The Gazette. And poor Richard. Okay, he said he wanted more peace. And he claims he was offered to serve as a member of the assembly. But his biographer, Clark, says we should take what he says with a grain of salt. Because Ben really liked to talk Ben up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He did?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's so easy to do then too.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, fuck that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like if you're him.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy was unbelievable. Hair for days. Beautiful hair.

[Dave Anthony]

So scientist Peter Collison introduced Ben Franklin to the concept of electricity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, okay, this is very funny.

[Dave Anthony]

And Ben starts doing his own experiments.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the concept, it was just a pie in the sky dream.

[Dave Anthony]

It's been around for a little while. It was discovered in the late 16th century. But the difference is, in the 18th century, creating electricity has become a form of entertainment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

So German Matthias Bose held a dinner dinner parties. And the objects on the table would burst into flames because he would electrify them. And he told his students to go talk to an attracted young woman at the university. But when they touched her hand, they got an electric shock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is all very strange.

[Dave Anthony]

So it's all just like she was holding something. It's pranks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. So electricity for pranks.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

A French scientist had 148 French guards hold hands. And then on either side, the men would grab an electrical wire. And then they would all get shocked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not gonna lie. My cousin and I did this on my little, like his little sister. Yeah, we went down. We were like walking by a horse farm and we were like, hold our hands. And then we like. He grabbed the electrified fence and we all got it pretty bad.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we did that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was fun.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Those electrified fences are gnarly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No joke.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So they then after that it was tried. Now, I saw two numbers. 200 monks is in this. But I also saw 700. But there's a lot of exaggerations about Ben Franklin, so I bet it's 200. So they did it with 200 monks after that, so. And they all got shocked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, why are you so silent now? Are you motherfucker?

[Dave Anthony]

What does that even mean? Yeah, I just wanted to make bread.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up and worship the Lord. Now quiet.

[Dave Anthony]

Hold this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Their robes.

[Dave Anthony]

So Ben spent about 10 years messing around with electricity and Atlas Obscura called, quote, a bonafide electricity weirdo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm an electrical weirdo.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's a Rolling Stones album.

[Dave Anthony]

He would. He enjoyed showing his friends how a candle just snuffed out, quote, could be relit by causing a spark to pass through the smoke between the wire and the snuffers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I plan on using it for birthdays. It will be hilarious.

[Dave Anthony]

He also. This is amazing. He created a counterfeit Spider made of a small piece of burnt cork with legs of linen thread and a grain or two of lead stuck in to give it more weight. And then he hung it over the table at a dinner party and used electricity to repulse and attract the spider, which would be flying around. So it looks like a real spider on a web.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just insane. Oh, to fall for that. Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

You should have been a. Ben's party. He made a fake spider.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. And a couple people died.

[Dave Anthony]

He also had friends perform an electrical kiss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my. What is going on?

[Dave Anthony]

Using conductors and insulators. So quote. When their lips approach, they will be struck and shocked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love electricity. Holy.

[Dave Anthony]

You're a terrible friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ah, come on now. Oh, spider. Hey, Ben, have you thought about making a pig?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, hold on. That when you eat, it shocks you.

[Dave Anthony]

Don't touch me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come here.

[Dave Anthony]

Get away from me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about this?

[Dave Anthony]

Go back under the bridge. A shelf.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cooking pig.

[Dave Anthony]

You shouldn't be around anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whenever you lay with it, it cooks.

[Dave Anthony]

Stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Think about it.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody likes you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make me electrical and I'll cook it with my Venus.

[Dave Anthony]

The reason you have no friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a lot of friends outside of town. I am king of pigs.

[Dave Anthony]

You live in a pig wallow outside of town?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a pig wallow. It's a pig palace.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just mud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a palace for us pigs.

[Dave Anthony]

You're not a pig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I changed my identification to part pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that why you have the pigtail attached? By the way, that thing is dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And in the front.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Dave Anthony]

Get the fuck out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And my penis tailed. What do you want now?

[Dave Anthony]

Nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, so make it so that if I put it in a pig, it cooks it go. And then I'll eat it while doing what I do.

[Dave Anthony]

We're going to shoot you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would. I would really think twice about that. Good luck getting a society to move on without this guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben also would coin the words positive, negative and battery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

In April 1749, he held an electric feast on the banks of the river. Quote, cocktail hour would feature flaming shots sparked by a current that was passed through the river from a battery on the other side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like a pyromaniac, but with electricity.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's totally going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's fully just doing, like, shows.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Drinks are electric.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

The turkey was killed by electric shock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Zapped before the barbecue. And Ben said a well shocked turkey was, quote, uncommonly tender.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what other Nope. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He also had glasses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd be involved in this so much.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody did, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me neither.

[Dave Anthony]

He also had glasses that shocked the people when they drank from them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three minutes. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Good old fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, this is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great, Ben.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben and his colleagues were also looking into practical applications of electricity. They wanted to see funny what bigger electrical shocks would do. And Ben created an electrical battery made of panes of glass, lead plates, silk cords, and lead wire. And it could kill a chicken outright.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. He's, well, what will it do? This will kill a chicken. When we said practical.

[Dave Anthony]

Although a turkey was, quote, merely stunned and recovered in 15 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool.

[Dave Anthony]

But five battery jars would kill the turkey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben noticed it was much quicker and more humane death than other execution methods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Says who?

[Dave Anthony]

Says the turkey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

His experiments became famous in part because of their simplicity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Lord Brougham, quote, he would make an experiment with less apparatus and with more ordinary materials than any other philosopher we ever saw. With an old key, a silk thread, some sealing wax, and a sheet of paper, he discovered the identity of lightning and electricity. And then Ben was also able to write in a way that just made everybody understand what. Right. Because a lot of science is like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but he could do that. And everyone's pretty blase about the danger of electricity, even after seeing a turkey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get killed by it.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben almost killed himself twice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Once he was demonstrating to a group. I think he was shocking a turkey, and he knocked himself out. And when he came to, he started to do the demonstration, and everyone's like, no, you already did it. But he didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know I gotta do it. Let me do it for you.

[Dave Anthony]

He didn't believe him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it. Let me do it once.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, here it is. On Christmas Day 7050, while killing a turkey with electricity, he accidentally shocked himself. Quote, the company presidents say that the flash was very great and the crack as loud as a pistol.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yet it's so funny to imagine him fly across wherever they're doing it. And they're like, oh, my God, Ben Franklin. And then he gets up and he's like, now to shock a turkey. Are you doing a bit? Are you doing a bit? You just did this.

[Dave Anthony]

My senses instantly gone. I neither saw the one nor heard the other, nor did I feel the stroke on my hand. Though afterwards I found it raised a round swelling where the fire entered as big as half a pistol bullet. Okay, so he's not too Concerned about not experimenting on others either. Quote, too great a charge might indeed kill a man, but I have not yet seen any hurt done by it. You just said you have a pistol bullet hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that was. Huh? That was a dream.

[Dave Anthony]

In the early 18th century, it was noted that lightning electricity had the same qualities. But no one had created an experiment to test the theory. Ben noticed bigger sparks of electricity looked like lightning, and the crack sound was like thunder. And he speculated that this weather phenomenon was like the experiments they did, but on a grander scale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's something to this.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1750, his friend Peter Collinson printed Ben's electricity work in a pamphlet titled Experiments and Observations on Electricity made at Philadelphia in America by Benjamin Franklin and communicated in Several letters to Mr. P. Collinson of London. Put himself in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just.

[Dave Anthony]

He wrote me these letters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's called Electric Ben Susan letters.

[Dave Anthony]

It describes his early experiments, stated lightning was an electrical phenomenon, and also described a lightning rod to protect buildings. It's a best seller. It's translated into French. French scientists demonstrate the experiments to the king, who orders lightning rounds put up across Paris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a menzie, huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Oui, oui.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your Highness, I've come quite a distance to request my front tail be turned into a lightning rod.

[Dave Anthony]

I would like you to leave. Hold on. The palace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Dave Anthony]

I would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. Do you like being I. Do you like.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know how we got together. They just. The two of us became quite distant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't sit there trying to make sense of what's happening.

[Dave Anthony]

It does not feel proper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's possible. Anything's possible if you believe.

[Dave Anthony]

Am I dead?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very much alive.

[Dave Anthony]

Am I in like a pig of hell?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no, no. The odor. Is that what you're commenting on? Or this? The skin that's stapled to me.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a very bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've become a pygmy.

[Dave Anthony]

I need to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, but listen, I've come a long way.

[Dave Anthony]

If I am dead, I would like to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not dead. You don't stop saying that.

[Dave Anthony]

How am I alone with you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop saying that. You're dead. You're not dead.

[Dave Anthony]

I am.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your life could be about to start.

[Dave Anthony]

I am the king. There shall be. There's so many people around me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's very true, but I snuck in and killed a couple of your guys.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I want to talk.

[Dave Anthony]

I would like not to talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, look, look, look, look, look, look.

[Dave Anthony]

How you say no?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please, hold on. Let me finish, please.

[Dave Anthony]

The creep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me finish. My Life took a very interesting turn.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I decided to not eat meat for six weeks. Okay. Then this is what happened to me.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just, I'm a bit of. I'm like, testimonial for eat meat.

[Dave Anthony]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I'm a pig.

[Dave Anthony]

None of my business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I'm a pig.

[Dave Anthony]

Not now. I'm not my concern. Okay, but listen, I don't want you near me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, come on. Stop that. I want to be your queen. Come on.

[Dave Anthony]

I have a queen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let's. You know, you can have two.

[Dave Anthony]

She is a woman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

You have a dirty pigment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I am a dirty pigment. That's fair.

[Dave Anthony]

And I want you to die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I've got good news.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am not. I am not going to live much longer. Okay. I've made some. Some very strange choices.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you know what inoculation is?

[Dave Anthony]

I need to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've done it with bacon fat to try to make sure that I can't become human again. Now, what that did was that made my blood very sick.

[Dave Anthony]

I need you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My blood is very sick.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm begging you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you French?

[Dave Anthony]

Please go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Oh, I thought we were done. I thought I'd already gone.

[Dave Anthony]

So he also. Ben isn't just electricity. He's invented a few things. He's always inventing. His brother John suffered from kidney stones. And seeing how much pain he was in from the catheter, Ben created a modified catheter which was slimmer with two holes so the pee would go out easier. And it was flexible with hinges.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck me. I mean, just. Just me.

[Dave Anthony]

Not as hard to jam up the old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, I apologize for the hinges.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, what were they doing before?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, they were just taking this baby fat, a lead rod down there. And they're like, how's that feel? You're like, I would rather die.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, maybe it was because the thicker it was, the. The better the flow was, but since he Maybe two holes, that. It came out fast. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, probably. They were probably like. But I mean, if you're putting a rod down a penis, it's like. Don't do that. It's like if you're putting a rod down a penis, how is. I guess you're. It's just breaking up from the rod that it's kind of. Stop it. And then it's kind of just shooting out. Okay, never mind. No more questions. That must be what it is.

[Dave Anthony]

I was winking, by the way, and Gareth is not responding the way a man should.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Dave Anthony]

In June 1752, Ben thought that if he used a kite, he could, quote, have a readier and better access to the regions of thunder. When a thunderstorm approached, he went out with his adult son. Quote, he observed. This is William. He observed some loose threads of the hempen string to stand erect and to avoid one another, just as if they had been suspended on a common conductor. And he presented his knuckle to the key and the discovery was complete. He perceived very evident electric spirit, so the little hairs stood up. A little hairy knuckle. He wrote of the experiment in his paper in October, but didn't say that he was the one who conducted it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, because he wanted impartiality.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Ben loved to talk himself up, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why would he not say he did it?

[Dave Anthony]

It might suggest that he didn't actually do the experiment himself. And then later put himself in the story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben installed the lighting rod on his property along with bells, so it would ring when electrified. He continued experiments. In 1753, Harvard awarded Ben an honorary degree, and Yale did the same two months later. And in November, he was awarded the Royal Society's Copley Medal in Britain, even though he wasn't a member. This all, of course, helps make him even more famous and respected, which would lead, obviously, to his presidency. And that is the end of part one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man. You can start to see the presidency forming.

[Dave Anthony]

Research by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did the research on this.

[Dave Anthony]

The wonderful Charlotte. George Gareth has absolutely nothing to do with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Charlotte and I worked night and day on this one. And we're proud. We're proud of what we got. We got some good stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Some of it's from the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin by Benjamin Franklin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Dave Anthony]

Benjamin Franklin, A Biography by Ronald Clark. The Benjamin Franklin house Museum. Reuters archives.gov there's some Ben stuff in there. That comes later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure does. Yeah. The second part, you're gonna lose it.

[Dave Anthony]

Atlas of Obscura. Shocking Scenes from Benjamin Franklin's Experiment. Experimental Electrical Parties. That comes later. That comes later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, A lot of this comes later.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And then. Phillymagazine.com Benjamin Franklin Facts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

There you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

That's part one. There's gonna be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's gonna be another part. There's gonna be two more parts. Yep. So we're looking forward to doing that, and we hope you guys learned a lot. We've kind of been trying to get this one out for a while, you know, and so we're happy to start it, but I think I speak for Dave and for Charlotte, who did the research. You're not going to believe where this story goes. This story goes some places, but until next time. All right. Good stuff. Oh, hey there, doll heads. I'm calling on the Gare Force. That's right. You're the Gare Force. Listen, I got some stand updates. Go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. I will be in Philadelphia at Helium December 27th, 28th and 29th. New Year's. I'll be in Austin, Texas, at cap city comedy. Two shows. Come get them. I'll be in Flappers, Burbank, California. January 4, January 9 through January 11, I'll be in Batavia, Illinois. I'll be in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. January 12, I'll be at Acme in Minneapolis. January 15 through January 18. February 7, I'll be back out in Cali at the Brea Improv. Then San Francisco, February 12th, Sacramento, February 13th. And then Florida. You've begged for it. You're getting a show. March 24, I'll be in Naples, Florida, at Off the Hook. I'll be in Charlotte, April 13, Virginia Beach, April 15, Richmond, April 16, I'll be in Timonia, Maryland, on at Magoobies Joe Cows. April 17, April 18, April 19. And then Winnipeg. I'll be there May 29 through May 31. Go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. I need you, Garrett Force. You're my people. I love you. Come join me. Gareth reynolds.com Kiss me.