Episode Title: The Abernathy Boys - Live

Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: April 29, 2025

Introduction

In Episode 681 of The Dollop, comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds delve into the adventurous and tumultuous journey of the Abernathy Boys, Bud and Temple, guided by their unconventional father, Jack Abernathy. Set against the backdrop of early 20th-century America, this live episode blends historical facts with comedic storytelling, highlighting themes of survival, adventure, and familial bonds.

Setting the Stage: January 1904

The story begins in January 1904, during Teddy Roosevelt's presidency. Jack Abernathy, renowned for his extraordinary wolf-catching skills without the use of weapons, is appointed as the U.S. Marshal of the Western District of Oklahoma Territory in 1906 due to his unparalleled prowess. Jack's unique ability to catch wolves with his bare hands captivates those around him, including President Roosevelt, who praises him at [07:03] Dave Anthony:

"He has no defense for that. No defense." ([07:16])

The Tragic Death of Jesse Pearl

In 1907, Jack's wife, Jesse Pearl, succumbs to Bright's disease, leaving Jack to raise their six children—four girls and two boys—on his own. To keep their spirits high, Jack entertains Bud and Temple with tales of his hunting adventures and the wilderness, fostering a sense of resilience and independence in them.

The Audacious Plan: Journey to Santa Fe

In June 1909, inspired by their father's stories and yearning for adventure, nine-year-old Bud and five-year-old Temple decide to embark on a solo journey to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Despite Jack's initial reservations, highlighted humorously at [12:06] Gareth Reynolds:

"Yeah. Oh, that's exactly what you do." ([12:10])

Jack reluctantly agrees, providing them with $100 each in bank accounts and necessary gear. The boys meticulously draw their own map, a testament to their youthful optimism, though Gareth humorously questions their navigational skills at [10:38] Gareth Reynolds:

"A night, a nine and five year old making a map." ([10:35])

Challenges on the Path

The journey is fraught with challenges:

• Dehydration and Illness: On their second day, Temple drinks contaminated water containing gypsum, resulting in severe diarrhea. Bud administers castor oil in an attempt to alleviate Temple's condition, leading to [17:38] Dave Anthony:

  "Quote Bud forced a big dose of foul tasting castor oil down my throat." ([18:16])

• Wild Encounters: The boys face numerous threats from wildlife, including a harrowing encounter with a hostile jackalope-like creature in Roswell and wolves surrounding their campsite at a watering hole.

• Navigational Errors: Their poorly drawn map leads them astray into Navajo territory, exacerbating their struggle to find food and water, as discussed at [25:32] Dave Anthony:

  "They made a map. How is it going to get there." ([25:30])

Meetings with Locals and Rising Fame

Despite their youth, Bud and Temple's daring escapade attracts attention:

• Media Frenzy: As they traverse towns like Silverton, Roswell, and Dayton, crowds gather to witness the young adventurers, leading to Jack’s increasing inability to manage both his duties and his children’s aspirations.

• Official Recognition: By the time they reach Washington, D.C., their fame has skyrocketed. They receive accolades from local officials, including a memorable (though fictionalized) interaction with President Taft, showcasing their growing legend.

"[65:33] C: All right, I'll try." ([65:35])

Climactic Triumph in New York City

After enduring months of hardships and overcoming countless obstacles, Bud and Temple successfully complete their journey to New York City. Their arrival is met with grand celebrations, parades, and widespread admiration. The culmination of their quest is marked by a monumental parade where they ride alongside President Roosevelt, symbolizing their triumph and the embodiment of youthful determination.

"[73:07] Gareth Reynolds: How does one person." ([73:10])

Legacy and Reflections

The Abernathy Boys' journey concludes with Jack’s recognition of their achievements and the lasting impact of their adventure on American folklore. Although the story blends historical elements with exaggerated comedic flair, it underscores the spirit of exploration and the complexities of parental guidance.

In their later years, Jack becomes a successful oilman, Bud pursues a career in law, and Temple continues in the oil business, all carrying forward the legacy of their extraordinary youth.

"[104:35] Gareth Reynolds: The worst father of all time." ([104:39])

Conclusion

Episode 681 of The Dollop masterfully intertwines humor with historical anecdotes, presenting the Abernathy Boys' tale as both inspirational and hilariously improbable. Through witty banter and engaging storytelling, Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds shed light on a fictional yet compelling narrative that celebrates the adventurous American spirit while humorously critiquing parental overreach.

Notable Quotes:

• [07:03] Dave Anthony: "He has no defense for that. No defense."
• [12:10] Gareth Reynolds: "Yeah. Oh, that's exactly what you do."
• [17:38] Dave Anthony: "Quote Bud forced a big dose of foul tasting castor oil down my throat."
• [25:30] Dave Anthony: "They made a map. How is it going to get there."
• [65:35] C: "All right, I'll try."
• [73:10] Gareth Reynolds: "How does one person."
• [104:39] Gareth Reynolds: "The worst father of all time."

Timestamped Sections:

• Introduction to Abernathy Boys' Story: [00:00] - [06:00]
• Journey Planning and Departure: [10:00] - [20:00]
• Challenges and Wildlife Encounters: [20:00] - [40:00]
• Meetings with Locals and Rising Fame: [40:00] - [60:00]
• Climactic Triumph in New York: [60:00] - [80:00]
• Legacy and Reflections: [80:00] - [100:00]
• Conclusion and Final Thoughts: [100:00] - [110:17]

Note: The transcript provided contains fictional and exaggerated elements for comedic effect, blending historical references with absurd scenarios.