695 - Albert Okura

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds"

Episode 695: Albert Okura
Release Date: August 5, 2025
Host/Authors: Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Network: All Things Comedy

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Introduction to Albert Okura

Timestamp: [04:22]

In this episode, hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds delve into the quirky and ambitious life of Albert Okura, a fictional or perhaps exaggerated figure in the fast-food industry. Born in Wilmington, California, near Long Beach, Albert's heritage traces back to his grandparents who emigrated from Japan in 1910. His father, Tiyoshi, was a standout player for the San Pedro Skippers, a semi-professional Japanese American baseball league team.

Early Life and Inspirations

Timestamp: [06:21]

Albert enjoyed a typical childhood filled with bicycles, paper routes, baseball cards, comic books, and a particular fondness for hamburgers. The opening of the first McDonald's in his neighborhood when he was ten marked a significant moment, igniting his passion for fast food. Albert's family frequented McDonald's every Sunday, embracing the new drive-in experience that added to his culinary enthusiasm.

The Birth of Juan Pollo

Timestamp: [12:33]

Inspired by the success of early fast-food pioneers like McDonald's and El Pollo Loco, Albert embarked on his entrepreneurial journey by opening his own chain of grilled chicken restaurants named Juan Pollo. Despite not being Latino himself and primarily a hamburger aficionado, Albert sought to replicate El Pollo Loco's success by targeting Latino customers in Southern California. Collaborating with Armando Para from Chihuahua, Mexico, they decided to focus on rotisserie chicken—a departure from traditional grilling methods due to space constraints.

Developing a Unique Brand

Timestamp: [32:22]

Albert's vision extended beyond just serving chicken; he aimed to create a brand synonymous with excellence in the fast-food industry. By designing a mascot—a cartoon chicken wearing a sombrero—and engaging in innovative marketing strategies, Juan Pollo quickly gained traction. The introduction of recognizable characters like the Power Pollo Rangers and the Poyo Men mirrored the popularity of franchises like Pokémon, further solidifying Juan Pollo's presence in the market.

Expansion and the 50-Year Plan

Timestamp: [39:05]

In 1991, Albert formalized his ambitious plans by writing a 50-year business plan, outlining the growth of Juan Pollo decade by decade until 2051. His strategy emphasized a cycle of growth dependent on quality and customer satisfaction:

"The more chicken I sell, the fresher the product. The fresher the product, the better the quality. The better the quality, the more people talk about us..."
— Albert Okura, [39:44]

Albert's goal was not just national but global, aspiring to make Juan Pollo the foremost chicken seller worldwide. By fostering a loyal customer base and expanding through employee-owned franchises, his plan aimed for sustainable and exponential growth.

Owning Amboy and Diversifying Ventures

Timestamp: [68:12]

Albert's entrepreneurial spirit led him to acquire Amboy, a ghost town in the Mojave Desert along the historic Route 66. Purchasing the town for $425,000 cash in 2003, Albert invested over $1 million in restoring its infrastructure, including the gas station, motel, and diner. His vision was to preserve the nostalgic essence of Route 66 while transforming Amboy into a tourist destination. Under his leadership, Amboy saw revitalization efforts, including the establishment of the Juan Pollo corporate headquarters and a McDonald's history museum, albeit unofficial and not recognized by McDonald's corporate history.

Intertwining with Other Personalities and Events

Timestamp: [73:00]

Albert's narrative intertwines with other eccentric characters like Mad Mike Hughes, a daredevil and stuntman obsessed with publicity and homemade rocket launches. Their collaboration aimed to garner more attention for Juan Pollo through high-profile stunts, such as launching rockets adorned with Juan Pollo sponsorships. Despite initial failures and tragic outcomes—like Mike's spinal injury during a test launch—the efforts contributed to the cult-like following of Juan Pollo among Southern Californians.

Legacy and Conclusion

Timestamp: [84:38]

By 2023, Albert's efforts culminated in Juan Pollo maintaining 23 locations in Southern California, with no significant international expansion as initially planned. His autobiography, "Albert Okura, the Chicken Man with the 50-Year Plan," encapsulates his lifelong dedication to his vision. Despite his death in 2023 due to complications from sepsis—potentially related to COVID-19—Albert's legacy persists through his son, Kyle, who continues to manage Juan Pollo and promote Amboy as a tourist hotspot. Kyle's initiatives, including social media campaigns and efforts to rename a portion of Route 66 in Albert's honor, reflect the enduring impact of Albert's unorthodox business strategies.

Notable Quotes

1. Albert on His Business Philosophy

   "The more chicken I sell, the fresher the product. The fresher the product, the better the quality. The better the quality, the more people talk about us..."
   — Albert Okura, [39:44]

2. Gareth on Albert's Ambition

   "It's a huge hit. Reynolds."
   — Gareth Reynolds, [59:44]

3. Albert Reflecting on Destiny

   "I believe my destiny involves that town. It's hard to explain."
   — Albert Okura, [66:35]

4. Gareth on the American Dream

   "It's really also so America. It's so perfect."
   — Gareth Reynolds, [85:53]

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Closing Remarks

Hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds wrap up the episode by critiquing the often absurd nature of the American entrepreneurial spirit, using Albert Okura's exaggerated story as a lens. They highlight the relentless pursuit of success, the cult of personality in business branding, and the sometimes tragic outcomes of unchecked ambition—all wrapped in their signature humor and banter.

Listeners unfamiliar with the episode gain a comprehensive understanding of Albert Okura's fictionalized saga, reflecting broader themes of ambition, cultural integration, and the pitfalls of the fast-food empire. The episode serves as both a comedic exploration and a satirical take on the relentless growth and marketing strategies prevalent in American business culture.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the Dollop on the all what's wrong with you Things Comedy Network. This is an American history podcast, Reach Week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a pig.

[B]

Gareth Reynolds. Oinky. Oinky. Listeners who has no idea what the topic is going to be about, I want to tell you about my day before we start.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I drove from New York and I'm headed to Nashville. And I mean, the fire smoke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, so bad that it was like my. You know, apparently this. It's not good for you, so.

[A]

Well, wait, though. You know that Republicans are taking care of this because they sent a letter to Canada. State of Congress.

[B]

Because. No, because.

[A]

Sent a letter to Canada saying that they have to rake their forests and stuff.

[B]

Yes. However, on top of that, the problem is that they're not going to. It's very complicated and nuanced. What's happening with the. I think it's safe to say the Republican government right now. If. If you're a state that is anti Israel, you're not going to be getting help when it comes to your own disaster, you know, relief efforts. So I might have been driving through some of these Democratic horseshit zones, so they're kind of screwed in their own right, but obviously, yeah, look, we're all for fighting Canada, but. So I'm driving to. To. To avoid the fires. And I'm just. I'm like, with Luke and I'm like, we just have to head south. I'm like, we, like, we're going along, like, you know, ways is taking us kind of west before we go.

[A]

And I was like, no, because you're. You're driving right into it.

[B]

Then it's. It's so bad. And. And it's depressing, obviously. And my eyes are really red because it's. It's the fact that it's. It's, you know, it's. That it's happening, so it's like, really happening. And that's depressing.

[A]

AI is.

[B]

AI is great. AI's got a good plan, obviously. AI's got a great plan. But. But. So then we find. So I'm like. So we find this little town called Worcester in, I guess, in Ohio. I don't even.

[A]

I don't think it's. Oh, it's not Massachusetts. It's not.

[B]

No, no. Like in, like. So it's like. So we.

[A]

It's a fake Worcester. Yeah, it's.

[B]

Look, it's got a really good mall energy. And. And so we drive here and then. Dude, I'm at the front desk. And, you know, it's like, you know, I mean, I, I'm just. I said we would start at whatever time we were going to start at. So I'm like, I have plenty of time. 20 minutes. I'm like, that'll be fine. All that. And man, the front desk experience was like, wow. So fire drove me to here. And then I had this experience with the woman who was checking me in, who literally, with my California id, three different times confirmed that the address on the ID was in the United States. And I, the third time I go, I go, miss, it is a California driver's license. I was like, that, that address has to be in the United States. And she was just confounded like, I don't know. And then, and then offered me an extra bottle of water as a mea.

[A]

Culpa, which I was like, well, you sound really sick. So.

[B]

But yeah, well, she was the picture of health for sure.

[A]

Well, it sounds like you had a true American experience, and I think you should be happy that you got to experience freedom. It's December 3, 1951. Year of our Lord J Town.

[B]

Who.

[A]

Who's taking some time off?

[B]

Yeah, let's go already. We're like, it's time, dude.

[A]

Albert Ryu Akura was born in Wilmington, California, near Long Beach.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

His grandparents left Japan for Southern California in 1910, and Albert's father, Tiyoshi, was a star player on the San Pedro Skippers, which was a semi pro Japanese American Baseball league team. Okay, so I like the dad. That's.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

He's a star player. So When World War II started, he was already in the dad. He's already in the audience.

[B]

I got a bad feeling.

[A]

He avoided being sent to Japanese internment camps because he's already in the army.

[B]

All right, all right. I think that. Let that be a message.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Future in internment possible entrance. If you can embrace our sport well enough.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, it's not because of the sports.

[B]

It's because of the.

[A]

Because he. He's in the army, not because he's a baseball player.

[B]

Okay. So. All right, all right. Let's just rejigger this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if you're willing to. If you're willing to fight on our behalf in a war, you're fine, you're good to go.

[A]

Although not really, because now guys who did that are still being rounded up and put into concentration.

[B]

Back then, back then, back then, that was. I'm not saying now now just. It's time for White Face.

[A]

Albert had an idyllic Childhood in Wilmington. He had a bicycle, paper route mostly spent his money on baseball cards. Typical kid.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Comic books. He loved hamburgers. Well, of hamburgers.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's definitely.

[A]

That's now, Gareth. In the 1950s, a burger was about 29 cents.

[B]

Yeah, okay, sure. Oh, boy. What's.

[A]

And when Albert was 10, the first McDonald's opened nearby. It sold 15 cent hamburgers.

[B]

Okay, that's cheaper. Hella cheaper.

[A]

About a buck 59 today. That would be the comparison. Okay, so every Sunday, Albert's family went to McDonald's to the drive in for dinner and to the drive through.

[B]

Or the drive in.

[A]

Drive in.

[B]

Okay, so they got McDonald's and then went to the drive in.

[A]

No, the McDonald's was a drive in.

[B]

A car driving. Oh. Oh, like a little. They. People come to the window.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right, we're on the same page.

[A]

I don't know if we are. And so Albert loves going to the window.

[B]

Just come on, let's connect a little bit. You seem to seem like you.

[A]

You seem like you came out of a fire and you haven't recovered.

[B]

Yeah, but you're. You're attacking me for something that's out of my power.

[A]

Knowledge.

[B]

Not my fault that I drove through fire. Be my buddy. Look, be my pal. Let's.

[A]

I don't give. I don't give sympathy to comics on the road.

[B]

What does that even mean? What is wrong with you? Who are you?

[A]

Brothers? Richard and Maurice McDonald opened the original McDonald's barbecue in San Bernardino in New York. 40. Yeah, well, yeah.

[B]

How you guys liking those ribless rib sandwiches? You muted yourself. Finally stepped in.

[A]

Luke, listen, can you mute him in the background?

[B]

It's not that. That's not possible. There should be one of those.

[A]

Yeah, so it's a drive in with car hops, as we explain. And it did very well. But the brothers got tired of constantly looking for new car hops and new short order cooks because the old ones would leave for higher paying jobs.

[B]

Okay, disgusting.

[A]

So instead of because. So you can. There is an answer here. Do you see the answer?

[B]

Yeah. Kill the. Kill the. Kill. Stop them.

[A]

No.

[B]

Stop. They are. They are. They are your enemies. Once you hire. No, hold on. Once you hire a person, they are your indentured servant forever.

[A]

You're lucky to get scraps. No, you could just pay them off.

[B]

Leave me. Leave me.

[A]

Boy, you pay them more so they scrub.

[B]

Well, I've touched a burger to the back of my hand. Taste it.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

You dirty.

[A]

The brothers were also tired of suck my McDick boy. What do you. What are you doing?

[B]

How dare you. Higher wages. I'll take your penis.

[A]

Okay, so far it. The. It's weird. What. Why would you.

[B]

Yeah, why would you do.

[A]

Okay, all right. The brothers are also tired of teen customers breaking or stealing the glasses in the dishes.

[B]

The glasses and the dishes?

[A]

Yeah, they, they. It would come out on a tray and it was glasses and dishes.

[B]

I mean, again, that's what you do. I remember when they. Do you remember when they used to have the like foil ashtrays at McDonald's? Oh, boy, did I steal a lot of those.

[A]

I think I might have two from. We were a Jack in the box family.

[B]

You people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

In 1948, the McDonald's brothers fired. Oh, I already did that. Oh, sorry. So it. And I didn't do this. In 1948, they fired their car hops and they closed down for three months. So they shut everything down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And they revamped McDonald's and it came back as a self service drive in. No Car hops cut out the labor, and they had a radically new way of preparing food with the division of labor, like a factory assembly line. Now, employees only need to be trained to do one task. Skilled and expensive. Short order cooks no longer needed. So they figured out a way to get around the labor. Yeah, right. So the brothers also replaced dishes and glassware with paper cups, bags and plates.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All great items eaten with a knife, spoon or fork were gone. Menu is now down to just the top selling items you can hold to your dirty little hands.

[B]

Yum.

[A]

To attract the young families, they stopped hiring women, worried that they'd attract the teenage. All the teenage bros to the restaurant. So they got rid of. Get rid of the teenage bros. What a great.

[B]

What a great barometer for a functioning society. The women will be harassed. They're unhearable.

[A]

Well, then we can't have women around if young men will come.

[B]

Look, look, look. Men are rapey. No more women.

[A]

So with the new small menu and the patented speedy service system, it does better. A lot better. And pretty soon they expand to seven locations across Southern California and Arizona.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

And the McDonald's method becomes a blueprint for the rapidly growing fast food industry, which directly inspires Taco Bell and Carl's Jr. And obviously many others.

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

So now, Gareth, in 1954, Ray Kroc comes to a McDonald's for the first time. He's 50 year old, 52 years old. He's a diabetic, he's an alcoholic, he's a high School dropout.

[B]

He's a man in 19. In the 1950s.

[A]

It's getting it done. He works.

[B]

1950S white man.

[A]

He's a sales guy.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You don't need a background. You just got to talk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The past couple years, he had been selling a milkshake machine called the multi mixer.

[B]

Sure, sure, sure.

[A]

And that could make six at once.

[B]

Six milkshakes at once.

[A]

Malts called malts. Then The San Bernardino McDonald's had 12 of these machines. And so Crochet just couldn't believe that a place needed so many. So he went there to see why they needed so many of these machines. That's crazy.

[B]

Sure. It's a lot of malts.

[A]

So adding to McDonald's corporate history. Of course. According to McDonald's corporate history, Kroc quote had an epiphany. And he was determined that his future would be in hamburgers. I mean, that's. That's a big moment for a young, stupid man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. It's very dumb.

[B]

My future's hamburgers. Are you gonna order, sir?

[A]

No, I'm thinking of the future.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

I'm not gonna order. I'm gonna order all of them.

[B]

Sir. Sir.

[A]

Every hamburger from now until hundreds of years.

[B]

Honestly, the guy in front of me is having a stroke.

[A]

Hundreds of thousands of franchises.

[B]

This guy comes in every Thursday, just tells me the future's burgers, and he's the guy who's gonna bring them together. Oh, my God. He just houses the free ketchup. Jesus Christ. Why?

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

Trying to. You just were saying how that your future is hamburgers. And we're all trying. Is this the origin of the Hamburglar? This feels like his, like, story.

[A]

Well, he's gonna come up.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

So he. He convinced the brothers to let him open franchises in other states. Interesting. And Croc and the brothers opened the first national McDonald's franchise in Des Plaines, Illinois.

[B]

And by the end was from.

[A]

Oh, is it really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I see what you're doing.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

By the end of.

[B]

Can you enjoy it? It's a good little bit. It's a nice one. Talk about nuggets.

[A]

By the end of the 1950s, there were over 220 McDonald's in the USA.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So that's. That's pretty massive expansion.

[B]

Sad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's how hard it catches on so quickly.

[A]

Yeah, it is, but people were just.

[B]

Just groveling pieces of. For just burgers.

[A]

It's all about the weight. And without the weight. Right. It's not.

[B]

It's without the weight comes the weight. Think about it.

[A]

I did, I didn't. It doesn't make sense.

[B]

Without the weight comes the weight.

[A]

In 1961, the year Albert ate his first McDonald's hamburger, Kroc borrowed money to buy out the McDonald's brothers for 2.7 million.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The brothers sold the McDonald's brand and the name, but they refused to sell.

[B]

Stupid.

[A]

Yes. They refused to sell real estate rights to a few of their old restaurants, including the original San Bernardino location.

[B]

So they basically gave away everything except for a few restaurants.

[A]

Well, they made a lot of money. I mean, that's retire money.

[B]

Like, sure, they were done.

[A]

They made it. Yeah, they, they definitely made a lot of money. So Kroc opened a McDonald's franchise nearby and because he owned the name, he made the brothers change the name of their restaurant to Big M's.

[B]

Big M's.

[A]

So he's a dick. That's a dick move.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

That's just a dick move.

[B]

Yeah, well like when a fucking piece of shit capitalist comes along to like regular people, it's not, not a competition. You're like ever. Yeah, sucks.

[A]

So Croc is a very good promoter. And he turned McDonald's into the world destroying thing it is today.

[B]

The beast nightmare.

[A]

Now, he had met Walt Disney.

[B]

Oh, Christ.

[A]

In World War II. They were both training to be ambulance drivers. So they were friends.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

And Croc and Walt Disney, both obsessed with cleanliness and control and very good at selling products to parents or kids or whatever. Right?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So his marketing innovations, like publicity through charity, like the Ronald McDonald House he had tie ins with Disney movies, the NBA, the Olympics. It makes McDonald's the most recognizable thing. It's all about his ability to promote. Today there's 13,000 in the US and 40,000 in the world.

[B]

That's awful.

[A]

Really awful. So now Albert, he's a student still. He's okay. He's not a great. He went to junior college because he didn't want to be drafted into the Vietnam War.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah, he's back. So he doesn't want to be drafted into Vietnam, so he goes to junior college, which I highly recommend for everybody. If there's a war in 1971, can I do it? Nixon dropped. Can you what?

[B]

Could I do it?

[A]

No, no, you're too old. They don't want you.

[B]

Who, the juco or the draft?

[A]

The draft. Nobody wants you.

[B]

The draft. Would be lucky to have me. First of all, I'm not going to serve. Would be lucky to have me.

[A]

No, you would Be totally useless.

[B]

Absolutely not. I would be. They'd make a Mel Gibson and make a movie about me. That's how good I'd be. Anyway, we don't need to get derailed.

[A]

Let me tell you why I wouldn't get drafted. Well, here's why I wouldn't get drafted.

[B]

Ask.

[A]

Just ask me. You're the draft board. Just go. No, no.

[B]

Just ask me. Yeah. So, yeah, we're pretty excited about you. Is there anything we should do?

[A]

I'm really. Yeah. I'm looking forward to getting in. I want to kill as many officers as possible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not in training. I'll wait till we're out in the field and then I will. I believe it's called.

[B]

Is it called you wouldn't be able to kill the enemy in our bear?

[A]

No, no, no. Not the enemy. My own.

[B]

You're talking about killing American soldiers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sir. You're gonna fit right in. You're gonna fit right in. All right, now do me now. Try me.

[A]

Is there anything we should know about you?

[B]

I'm super in to poop.

[A]

Well, welcome.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Welcome. We call you Ted Nugent.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Did you think that would get you out of this?

[B]

No. I mean, yeah. Let me try again.

[A]

Go ahead. Go ahead. Anything you want to say?

[B]

Yeah, I'm not into poop at all.

[A]

Well, we aren't either. Sure. Welcome to the military.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Do you know how many. Do you know how many. If a war happens and they start the draft, how many trans people there will be in America?

[B]

Oh, yeah, that'll be. Oh, boy, that'll be amazing. You'll find it'll be fine. You watch, like, Chevy Silverados with the pride flag on the back, finally covering their Declaration of Independence vocab. It's just like. All right, we're just gonna need you to say the trans life matters course. I'm very. I'm trans. I am a trans. I'm a trans them. We looked on your Twitter bio and it just said, he him Still. I'm changing that.

[A]

This just hit me. Okay, so in 1971, Nixon dropped the draft, and then Albert dropped out of school because that's the only reason he was in school.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And he starts working as an assistant manager at Burger King in Torrance. So he's kicking ass. He really loves hamburgers.

[B]

He really.

[A]

It wasn't kidding when I said hamburgers.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

He quickly. He moves up the ranks. He becomes a store supervisor. Now, at the time, he was the only non white person in BK management meetings.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But they don't talk about him in history books. As far as, like, being that groundbreaking of a know that's, you know, first Asian American to be in Burger King.

[B]

Jackie Robinson of Burger King. Yeah.

[A]

Thank you. It's weird, but Albert never. He doesn't really think himself as a minority, just a regular American. That's how he views himself. He's just a regular old American.

[B]

I'll be honest. That's. That makes you not American.

[A]

Ah, yeah.

[B]

That's a big part. A big part of being an American is recognizing the race. So, unfortunately, yes, we're gonna have to let you go.

[A]

Later, he would write, quote, I spent my whole life here, so the only thing I know about Asian countries is they are proud people and they don't like each other. Okay.

[B]

Accurate.

[A]

Unlike Americans.

[B]

Yep. Americans.

[A]

Albert became friends with one of his regular Burger King customers as we do. There's so many things wrong with this. The.

[B]

No, no. I know. My local Taco Bell cashier. He's always asking if my address on my driver's license is located in America.

[A]

How sad is your life if you. If anyone at a fast food place becomes your friend?

[B]

Well, it's. It's like if you're the employee and there's some weird guy who keeps coming in and he's like, is Kathy working? And you're like, oh, God, this poor man.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Is Kathy there? How are the fries?

[A]

There's maybe.

[B]

Can you make me a dairy crispy base?

[A]

No.

[B]

What? A Dairy Queen. What?

[A]

I think he'd be coming for the people at a Dairy Queen because it's a different.

[B]

It's a crazy statement.

[A]

It's a. It's a friendly joint where everybody's family.

[B]

No, like, if you're talking about, like, you're bffing with, like, an employee at Schlotsky's Deli. Well, now I get it.

[A]

Yeah. Schnitzel.

[B]

No. What about Derwin Nazi Panera? Definitely can be Panera. No.

[A]

Do you have anything to say about Derwinishnitzel?

[B]

You're an idiot.

[A]

Anything to say at all?

[B]

What do you mean, stupid? You're a Nazi.

[A]

What did you say? What did you say about enjoy your reiki wieners? The last time I said it, what did you say you kept last couple of times?

[B]

I said doritoschnitzel and you said made up Nazi propagandist.

[A]

And then I showed you a picture of the actual Derwinishnitzel that it was called during schnitzel. And what'd you do? You yelled at me.

[B]

Way to go, Klaus. What do you want from me? I don't care. You're still a Nazi when it comes to hot dogs, they put on the mustard and ketchup.

[A]

So the guy he meets and befriends is a real estate agent named Ray. And Ray talked Albert into buying a two bedroom house in Torrance for 69,000. But Albert still lives with his parents and rents the Torrance house to friends who trashed it and never paid him rent.

[B]

So business wise, he's great.

[A]

That's not what you're supposed to do.

[B]

He's good at business, but inflation is.

[A]

High and real estate's booming. So Albert still sells the house and makes a little bit of profit a few years later. Okay, so one day Ray told Albert that he had one big real estate regret. In the late 1940s, land in California was very, very cheap. So cheap that Ray could have bought his own town and been the mayor, the chief of police. Just bend his whole. His whole empire did town, sure. But he never did it and he regretted it to this day. And Albert never would forget Ray's story. He was always like, that's an amazing idea.

[B]

I'm gonna make a city called Hamburger.

[A]

I would go to a city called Hamburger.

[B]

Yeah, you. Well, you'd probably go to dear Wienerschnitzel and you'd do whatever they told you to do. Be a good little soldier, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?

[A]

When I went. When I was a child, I went to Der Wienerschnitzel quite a few times.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

Because it's real.

[B]

It's a real teach you how to march, huh? Did you get a little, like, armband, huh? Did you join their little program, huh? Did you?

[A]

19.

[B]

Boy. David. Yeah.

[A]

Terrible person.

[B]

You're such a good boy. Now eat Savinas. Eat Savinas.

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

Now remember, there are certain people who won't eat Savina schnitzel. They're not the chosen people, David. We don't need you to help with that. They must be dealt with accordingly. Disgusting. You and your drunk dad. Your dad drunk on gin, taking you to Derwiner Schnitzel.

[A]

No. First of all, my dad drank cheap whiskey. And secondly, he would take me to Taco Bell. And why did he take me to Taco Bell, Gareth? Because Matucci's was next door and he could go in and drink while I went to Taco Bell.

[B]

How many drinks can he drink during a Taco Bell order?

[A]

Well, he'd stay in there for two hours.

[B]

Burrito. Dad, this is my fourth meal there today.

[A]

In 1981, Albert was managing a Del Taco in Carson.

[B]

Boy, he really was real about this. He really, this, this was a path.

[A]

A young boy fell in love with fast food. What are you gonna do?

[B]

They don't have burgers, though.

[A]

So an El Pollo Loco franchise opened up across the street. And it's the first El Pollo Loco that Albert has ever seen. And customers were lining up around the block two hours before the restaurant opened.

[B]

There's so many indicators for why this country should have been nuked. And this is a.

[A]

It reminds Albert of when he was 10 years old and the first McDonald's in Wilmington opened. And there were lines that night for the McDonald's. He brings back his childhood. This is one of those wonderful, wonderful moments.

[B]

Friend of show Dill has that story about when the first McDonald's opened in Sri Lanka and his parents allowed him the day off of school and he was fifth in line for McDonald's. And he went up and he ordered like a Big Mac and nuggets, sat down. And then. So the line was like two and a half hours after that. He ate it and then got to the end of the line to go get another meal there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Dill had a weight problem later on. That's. And that's where it started.

[B]

But now he's better.

[A]

Yeah, he's much better now he's just.

[B]

Fat on the inside.

[A]

That's right. El Pollo Loco was founded in Sonola, Mexico and sold Mexican style grilled Chicken. Its first US franchise was in MacArthur Park, Los Angeles. And in 1983, Denny's bottle, Pollo Loco changed the recipe, raised the prices, and expanded so quickly they almost bankrupted the company. And then they sold it to a private equity firm. So that's the American dream right there. That's horrible. That is so horrible to think that El Pollo used. El Pollo Loco used to be good.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Dave, if I'm being honest, when I first moved here, boy, did I love El Poyo Loco. So did I. I mean, love El Poy Loco.

[A]

The quality was much better back then. It's. It's horrendous.

[B]

I have not been anywhere near one in.

[A]

It's, it's really, it's really ch. But years ago, 20 years ago, whatever, it was amazing. It was really.

[B]

It was pretty good. And it was cheap. And if you got the receipt, you could go online and take a quick survey and then you get a dollar off your next order. And I did that every time.

[A]

I was never that sad?

[B]

Yeah, I've been pathetic for a long time.

[A]

Albert was inspired by the success of El Pollo Loco. And he's also a fan of Napoleon Hill's book Think and Grow Rich and Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. And of course, Ray Kroc's book, his 1977 autobiography, Grinding It Out.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

So he's just reading books about rich guys and wanting to be rich.

[B]

That's the sure rich man Riching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep. So he watches the movie, J.P. morgan's book, everyone.

[A]

So he watches the movie Patton and he starts to think pretty strongly at that point that every man has a destiny. Patton's destiny had been to be a great general.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Ray Croc's destiny. Hamburger empire. Genie. Yes. So Albert starts to think that maybe his destiny is to sell more chicken than any human being in the world.

[B]

Man. It's just. What an off kilter dream.

[A]

Makes sense, right?

[B]

No, no, not at all. That, that makes total sense. Nope, absolutely not. Not at all. Like, how about.

[A]

So we're on the same page.

[B]

No, we're not. How about like helping, like solving world hunger or I don't know, like, I don't know, making equal rights for everybody or stop war.

[A]

No, no, get meat out fast. Fast meat.

[B]

I need to kill more chickens than any man before me.

[A]

So Albert starts to make plans to create his own chain of grilled chicken restaurants targeting Latino customers and develop a cult following in Southern California. Just like El Pollo Loco had.

[B]

I'm trying to think what the hell this could be.

[A]

Well, now he's not Latino, Gareth. He's. No, he's an Asian fellow. He doesn't speak Spanish and he didn't really eat chicken. He was more of a burger guy. Yep.

[B]

Obsessed with hamburgers.

[A]

So he talks to his girlfriend's sister's husband.

[B]

You're a chicken guy.

[A]

Armando. Para. And Armando is from Chihuahua, Mexico.

[B]

Right. Known for.

[A]

I think I said that incorrectly. Chihuahua. Hua.

[B]

Okay. Absolutely.

[A]

And he told Albert that the rotisserie chicken was more common than grilled because grills took up too much space. And Albert agreed that their new venture should be rotisserie chicken. He's like, that makes sense. We won't grill or rotisserie this. So for the name, they came up with Juan Pollo, which Albert thought sounded noble when spoken right.

[B]

It's also like when. Well, no, it's like PF Changs. How that stands for Paul Fleming Changs.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Yes. Except this is. This is John Chicken. So. But noble sounding how are you? Good, thank you.

[B]

The story of John Chicken. John Chicken.

[A]

So Armando's brother Fernando designed a mascot for them, which was a cartoon chicken wearing a sombrero. So they're killing it. Right? They're hitting all the. Everything's getting hit out of the park.

[B]

Robert Smigel did that hilarious fake chicken commercial where it's like the chicken keeps talking about how good he tastes. It's always weird when the spokesman is the thing you're eating. Like when the chicken is like, come on in here. My brethren are being genocided.

[A]

Yeah. Like Ronald McDonald.

[B]

I'm in the burgers. This is made from 100% clown meat.

[A]

So he looks for investors. His first investors were Uncle George Komatsu and his son Robert Komatsu. George is a distant relative who owns a strip mall in Ontario, California. Now, Albert had been to Ontario once, and it was over 100 degrees and he got lost in a sandstorm.

[B]

That's good. That's great.

[A]

Yeah. But George was willing to invest because if the restaurant failed in the strip mall, well, then it could be a tax write off. So it works.

[B]

Oh, I didn't realize how any of that worked. Okay.

[A]

Yep. So Albert had a lot of respect for George's ability to avoid paying taxes. And he called him the human computer.

[B]

Sure, Absolutely.

[A]

So Albert moved to Ontario and he lived in a trailer park behind the restaurant. As.

[B]

Human. The human computer. He's like, maybe the human computer isn't so awesome. Not.

[A]

Not a trailer park. He In a trailer. Parked behind. Parked the trailer out back.

[B]

Sure. That's where, by the way, we're. We're pretty close to doing that.

[A]

Pretty close. This is.

[B]

Yeah, you and I specifically, I mean.

[A]

Yes, yes. So Albert buys a rotisserie oven, and Armando created a marinade, and the Juan Pollo restaurant opened in January 18, 1894.

[B]

1894. That would be amazing if that's.

[A]

Sorry. 1984.

[B]

That'd be great. Back then. This chicken is unbelievable.

[A]

To my trailer.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

What the.

[B]

This is unbelievable.

[A]

But that's all. All chicken was rotisserie chicken back then.

[B]

Unless you boiled it, I can't even imagine the quality. I can't even. They would just be like, take off the feathers. What are you. Simple feathers are the best part.

[A]

So at first he makes too big of a menu. A lot of sides like French fries and jello.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

I.

[B]

Boy. Really Not a better side. I'm a six piece and a large B, B, B Jello. I'm looking to what kind of declaring a civil war Inside of myself a little bit.

[A]

What flavor?

[B]

I'll do orange jello, please. I really. I'm going through a pretty bad divorce. You know what? Let me do. You guys do just skin. Could I just get like a bag of chicken skin and then a bunch of orange jello? I'm gonna go to the car and take my own life.

[A]

That's very possible. Special. We have a special parking lot over there for life takers.

[B]

Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's. That's perfect. Oh, I can. Yeah, that looks like a cemetery. That'll be great.

[A]

What's interesting is everybody who does that orders the jello first.

[B]

Well, jello is a must. I mean, it's just. It's just, it's. It's. You could really get it down you with a lifeless chew. That's what I love about jello. Like, if you don't want to chew jello, just keep your mouth shut. It'll liquefy and do its own business.

[A]

That's right. That's right. Oh, by the way, the chickens to.

[B]

Put on my face.

[A]

Okay. I don't need to know anymore, actually. Yeah, thanks.

[B]

I'm gonna pretend to be severely dehydrated, man.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I'll go to the car.

[A]

Well, our chicken's very moist, so.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

After a few months, he scales down the menu and he just starts selling the top selling items, just like the McDonald's brothers did.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He cooked thousands of chickens to perfect his rotisserie method. And Juan Pollo starts getting really great reviews in the local press, and they built up a loyal customer base, and they expanded to more locations in the.

[B]

Local press, being like, wow, this fast food place is really good.

[A]

I mean, that's what it used to be.

[B]

It's really weird, but I mean, it was a better quality of food.

[A]

Obviously, it was the chicken. All of our food tasted better back then. In 1991, Albert wrote and copyrighted what he called his legal. He called it his legal pyramid scheme.

[B]

Absolutely. A key part of that Is that word legal.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because that helps you a lot in court.

[A]

So it goes like this. The more chicken I sell, the fresher the product. The fresher the product, the better the quality. The better the quality. The more people talk about us. The more people that talk about us, the more people find out about us. The more people that find out about us, the bigger our customer base. The bigger our customer base, the more our sales, the more our sales, the fresher product, etc. Etc.

[B]

So what he's going for is he's basically saying I'll be really good at this and that'll help. As opposed to now when they're like how do we everyone and still.

[A]

How do we.

[B]

How do we. How do we everyone so hard and we still make everything. And they get.

[A]

How can we put the cheapest, worst food in these idiots mouths?

[B]

What is the bare minimum standard that we could put in these slaves? And then when they get sick, it's not our fault.

[A]

That's right. So pyramid scheme is fraud. Right. You. You bring in investors and you defraud everybody.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But Albert's legal pyramid scheme is not actually a pyramid scheme. But he arrange the text in the shape of a triangle anyway.

[B]

Sure. I don't know why he's like so like, like there's a really great way to do this with arrows connecting to each other as like it's a. It's an evolution. It's a. It's. It's just the, the passage of time, how this affects each other positively. But he's like, no, I want to show that it get. Look, I want to get all that pyramid scheme clout without all that nasty ripping off.

[A]

So he comes up and write with and writes a 50 year business plan.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And outlines the plans for one you. Outlines the plants for one po's growth decade by decade from 1991 through 2051. He'd be 100 years old at that point. So he did all the way up until he's 100.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Now a key is for him. A key of his. Part of his business plan is for him to become the recognized spokesman. Like on par with Colonel. Colonel Sanders.

[B]

Colonel Sanders, Sure.

[A]

The ultimate is Colonel Sanders.

[B]

Yeah. I'm in the chicken.

[A]

The dollop is brought to you by Helix Sleep. So I'm using a sleep watch. I'm not a sleep watch. I have an apple watch. But it, it registers your sleep. And I sleep awesome on this Helix mattress. I sleep like a baby or an adult. I sleep like all forms of human. You know what I sleep like a cat. That's more like what I sleep like. I sleep like a cat on a, on a thing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And it's great. I get great sleep now.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

My previous mattress gave me like a little backache. It was like too soft or something. I don't know. But this one and also they. My old mattress got hot. And this one, I just don't feel hot on it.

[B]

You don't look hot on it.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

There really are people who like will ask me genuinely and be like, do you really like Helix? I'm like, it is, yeah. The greatest bed.

[A]

It really is. We get asked all the time and I go, yes. I genuinely really like my Helix mattress. Yes. We had a previous company that wasn't as good.

[B]

Well, we don't need to bring them along.

[A]

And Helix eclipsed until.

[B]

It comes in a bar. You're like this. Yes. I don't know when they perfected mattress box technology.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Real good.

[A]

And my son liked it so much, we. We got him one. I mean, got him one. We gave him ours and then we got the new one. I mean, that's how that works. But yeah, I mean, so we're a Helix family and the dogs like it too. So take that. So what we're saying is you're going to want to buy a Helix a mattress and it'll. You got, you got snoring, you got back pain, sleeping for the night, all Helix. It's going to help you. We got. We got it. We got you. We got you right here.

[B]

We got you. We gotcha.

[A]

So here's what we want you to do. We want you, want you to go to helixsleep.comdollop for 20% off statewide. That's helix sleep.comdollop for 20 percent off statewide. And make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helix sleep.com dollop. You can also.

[B]

We. Well, we also say don't sleep on it because you're going to want to.

[A]

Sleep on it because you're going to want to make love on it too.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We also say that. Gareth, we are also brought to you the dollop by Squarespace. Yes. Oh, Dave, our people, Squarespace, of course. We've been working with Squarespace forever. We love Squarespace. We have all of our websites with Squarespace.

[B]

Every website we're involved with, probably our busiest record, two that we're off the record involved with, that we don't even want to tell people about our Squarespace.

[A]

Yeah, we have secret.

[B]

We have secret two secret websites. Go try to figure out what they are people.

[A]

Why? Because Squarespace, it's an all in one platform that helps you stand out, succeed online. Doesn't matter if you're just starting out, you're scaling everything up, you're trying to grow huge. Squarespace gives you everything you need. You can claim your domain, you can showcase your offerings. By the way, nothing better than when.

[B]

You do get a domain and you, you literally stand up and you go, I claim this domain.

[A]

That's True.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The templates look great. That's what first attracted me to Squarespace. Everything is super easy to use. If you're a dummy like me, it can be very genius like me, hard and complicated. And so Squarespace makes everything really easy.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I think I. Look, even. Even if you're 120 years old and in a coma, I think you could figure out how to use Squarespace. It's that easy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Look, it's a smart business decision. Just go ahead and get yourself a website. Even if you don't have a business.

[B]

They help you with everything. You're up scaling up single day. If you want to make merch or whatever it is, they've got it.

[A]

They got your back. So look, go to squarespace.com dollop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com do for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Tell them Daddy sent you.

[B]

Nope. Cut that out.

[A]

We are also brought to you by him. Look, hymns can't solve snoring or blanket stealing like Gareth does to me, but when it comes to. When it comes to performance. Yeah, they got you covered on that one.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

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[B]

Yep.

[A]

Don't have to go screaming it down the street like we used to have to do in the 20s.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

We used to have to run out of our house screaming, I have ED in the 20s.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's what we had to do.

[B]

It's a history show. I feel like you're inventing some stuff.

[A]

Look, you can access personalized prescription treatment options, 3D, like hard mints and sex Rx plus climate climax control if prescribed. Look, they're going to take care of you. It's not a one size fits all care that forgets you're in the waiting room or whatever.

[B]

No, it's not like the twenties when the cure was just lemon rind.

[A]

That's right. Look, it's your health and you should take care of it. It's not something you should let linger and just be bummed about. It'll just make you sad and unhappy and you know it's not great for the relationship. So just take care of it. Just get on top of it. There's a million ways to get this done and this is the easiest. 100 online, like we said. So to get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ed, hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hims.comdollop that's hims.comdollop for your free online visit hims.comdollOp actual price would depend on product and subscription plan feature. Products include compounded drug products which FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. By the 2010s Albert wrote he should quote, become recognized as figurehead and founder of the company. Need to start becoming larger than life.

[B]

I like the idea that that is a like a 25 year, 30 year plan for him. Like he's not able to pull that off like in five years, 10 years. Now I unveil who I really am in the 2020s.

[A]

Quote. In order to maintain control of Juan Pollo and stay in power to accomplish my goals, I need to become so closely identified with the company that we become synonymous, similar to Walt Disney and Disneyland.

[B]

At this point it'll be difficult because I'll be wrapped up in that whole Epstein thing. But I think Trump will win the 2020 election and if he does it, it will have been stolen from him.

[A]

And 2030 I become president of the world.

[B]

2030 I become the president.

[A]

By 2050 at 99 years old, he would, quote, become the number one seller of chicken in the world.

[B]

It's just such a dumb.

[A]

It makes sense to bed.

[B]

This is sort of stupid. Then when I'm 150 made, I will become part chicken man.

[A]

So he sets it in motion. And Juan Poo became a Southern California chain. And it it's expanding through franchises that are mostly owned by employees who had started entry level positions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And he creates a profitable restaurant supply company and he expands into catering. Sure, he and his wife have kids. With each kid, his wife's family consults an Indonesian religious seer for predictions about the the child's destiny as the best.

[B]

Job in the world. The best job in the world. I mean like the like lowest stakes. Like he's going to become a figure skater.

[A]

Could I ask you a question? Does he enjoy Hamburgers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. His kid loves hamburgers and he's gonna become a. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

I'm seeing hamburgers and I'm seeing a crown.

[B]

Who's seeing it? Oh, so, yeah, what are you.

[A]

I said because I asked you, why would. If I'm not the seer, why would I ask you a question about him? Like, does he enjoy hamburgers? That would be something the seer would ask.

[B]

Not necessarily. That seems like something a father who's got a burger obsession would ask.

[A]

Why would. Why?

[B]

All right, look, it's pretty obvious what's going on here. This kid doesn't have a dad.

[A]

Which is two kids being raised by two. Being raised by two. Fake. Indonesian.

[B]

Indonesian. We both know the truth here. This kid's super sick. He's not gonna make for very long.

[A]

So Albert interprets one seer's prediction about his second son to mean the boy was destined to oversee a Juan Pio operations in overseas markets, which is part of the 50 year plan to expand worldwide.

[B]

What a nightmare to be like growing up in the shadow of your dad, being like, you are going to be in charge of our Middle Eastern Juan Pollo Locos.

[A]

I don't want to go there.

[B]

No, you'll like it. It'll be better.

[A]

Then learn how to speak Syrian.

[B]

You'll go there and we would be great. How's your Farsi coming, boy?

[A]

So he. He starts putting money into publicity. And then one day, this guy, Jack Marcus comes into the San Bernardinoan Pollo and he tells Albert that he wants to make a series of Juan Pollo pogs.

[B]

Wow, we really are in a rare time. Would you. Dave, are you seriously not going to tell people what pogs are? And why don't you explain?

[A]

I am. Albert doesn't know. What. Albert doesn't know what a POG is. Well, they're little. They're a little round. I mean, how do you describe it?

[B]

It's like a little, like, the dumbest. I don't know, it's like. I mean, so when you're. When this is explained to you, if you don't know what it is, you're going to be like, why was this a thing? And nobody has the answer to that question. No, they basically look like casino chips of, like, popular things. And you'd get like a pog of, like, ALF or a pog of whatever it was.

[A]

People would do it for a promotion.

[B]

And I'll tell you what, it made more sense than an NFT.

[A]

Oh, I've made a lot of money off NFTs I know you have. I mean, I haven't checked the numbers lately, but when I sunk.

[B]

Let's talk off air, because I think it might be time for you to dip back into some of those and have a little game.

[A]

I mean, the one I bought for 250,000 has got to be worth like 5 million by now. So he doesn't. So he never. He doesn't really explain to. He just says they're going to become a craze, a big thing in Southern California.

[B]

I'd love to.

[A]

So Albert's like, let's get involved. So Jack designs the Pogs. That's great cartoon. Original cartoon characters. They're so successful that Albert made Jack the marketing director for Juan Poyo.

[B]

Wow. Just some guy.

[A]

I looked him up.

[B]

You can see them make a chicken pog.

[A]

Right. So Jack and Albert developed other marketing things like the Power Pollo Rangers and the Poyo Men. Like Pokemon, Poyoman.

[B]

That's.

[A]

So eventually, they came up with the annual Miss Juan Pollo Beauty Pageant.

[B]

Oh, sweet God. Are you ready to see these chicken tits? I'm trying to find a Juan Pollo.

[A]

Pog and then the Miss Teen Juan Pollo Beauty Pageant.

[B]

I'm excited to meet all the contestants. Yeah. I'm going backstage at the chicken pageant.

[A]

You can't find them. I found them immediately when I.

[B]

Is that some sort of. I only use AI and it's just showing me a chicken, reassuring me. These are the Pogs.

[A]

Oh, interesting. Now they aren't coming up.

[B]

Well, well, well. Not so hot now.

[A]

But I found them yesterday. Oh, I might not have used Google. That might have been what it was. I might have used something that actually works.

[B]

Not sure what your problem is.

[A]

Is anybody using Google anymore?

[B]

I am. I'm hanging in there. I'm not using the AI part, but I'm still using it.

[A]

You're still using.

[B]

What are you using?

[A]

Yeah, I use Brave or I use Duck. Duck Go. But I like Brave. Brave seems pretty good.

[B]

I do a lot of pornhub search engine stuff. Nothing's coming up with the one.

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

But I'm a huge dong.

[A]

I saw. Oh, 1.0. Oh, I got the Nong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, this is cool. This is good. This is a good radio right here.

[B]

Yeah, well, we're not doing radio, just Pog Boy.

[A]

So. So they got the Pollomen, like the Pokemon. They got the beauty pageants, and then they came up with the Juan Pollo Chicks, which were an all female promo team that wore mini skirts and would go to local events.

[B]

I. I love how, like, this is genius. It's just like, you know, we'll go. We'll have women pretty naked, go places. I think the men might respond to that. It's like, yeah, no, it's. Yep. Way to go. It's literally what took 10 years for you to just be like, yeah, it's like the guys, like, it's great that, like Hooters is. Is failing now because it. It feels like finally maybe people are like, that's pretty weird. But there were like so many ripoffs of it. And they were like, like the guy who was like, I came up. I call it Twin Peaks. It's a bar. And you could see down women's shirts when they work there. Like, wow, way to go. Where'd you come up with this?

[A]

Yeah, this is like all bar stuff. Everything they've said. Yeah. So the Inland Empire. There's. It's car. It's car country. Right. So there's always a car show or a card parade happening. So Albert made sure to get at least one l. A Juan Pollo vehicle in every single parade. It's usually a truck plastered with Juan Pollo decals. And. And occasionally they put Albert's cell phone number on there. And of course, Ms. Juan. Ms. Juan Pollo would ride in one of the parade cars.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And Albert. Albert then buys the yacht car that was in the Gallagher movie.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

I don't know what that is. I didn't know there was a Gallagher movie. But there's a yacht car from the Gallagher movie and you've now bought it. I haven't looked that up.

[B]

And he bought car from the Gallagher movie.

[A]

So this becomes like a legendary presence at car parades in the Inland Empire. Those things are the yacht cars always going to be there. Albert bought four 8 foot tall, used Warner Brothers cartoon character statues of.

[B]

I think I'm seeing it. And it is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

[A]

The yacht car. Well, it's. Because it's a. It's a Gallagher joke made into a.

[B]

Thing from a movie thing. Right.

[A]

And he's like, it's like something.

[B]

So wait, what did he buy from Warner Brothers? Sorry, I was on Gallagher yacht car mode.

[A]

Used cartoon character statues. 8ft tall. The Tasmanian Devil, Sylvester, Bugs Bunny, and Daffy Duck. And he put them on parade vehicles.

[B]

And this works.

[A]

Why don't you. Why can't you. How. Why aren't you seeing the vision?

[B]

Because it just seems like if a five year old had limitless money in a restaurant.

[A]

Okay, yeah.

[B]

Admit That's a pretty fair indictment on what's happening right now.

[A]

It's a huge hit. Reynolds.

[B]

Because we're so dumb. Because everyone's a idiot. Because I just tried to check into a Hampton Inn and while the woman was looking at my California's driver's license, she kept asking me if the address was in America.

[A]

Juan Pollo's reputation grows.

[B]

It's so.

[A]

It's becoming legendary in the Inland Empire.

[B]

Into this chicken until he put a cartoon character on a car. This guy's the real deal.

[A]

In 1998, the site of the original McDonald's barbecue in San Bernardino went up for sale in foreclosure. Now the. The restaurant's gone. It's been gone for a while. It's been replaced with an office building. But Albert buys it and turns it into Juan Pollo corporate headquarters quarters and Carter's and. And a McDonald's history museum.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

It'S free. It's free to go. And there's historic photos and news clippings and old menus, a lot of Happy Meal collections, other promotional stuff.

[B]

It's really great, really dumb.

[A]

And there's a big headshot of Albert. And outside there's a big hamburger Hamburglar in a cage.

[B]

It was brutal what ICE did to him.

[A]

So McDonald's lawyers are not happy.

[B]

Oh, this is a non sanctioned McDonald's museum.

[A]

Yeah, it's a free. It's a wildfire museum.

[B]

Welcome to my Tom Cruise museum. Because I can.

[A]

Well, the other problem with this is that McDonald's already has a McDonald's history museum in Illinois.

[B]

I was gonna say there's the. The original rock and roll McDonald's or whatever the it's called back there.

[A]

So Albert is told he's forbidden from profiting from the name. And he's like, yeah, it's free, so that's fine. And then they also said he has to stop calling it the McDonald's Museum. And he. He can. They tell him to call it the historic site of the original McDonald's restaurant.

[B]

Wordy can't tell a guy who put a tweety bird on a car and is doing well that this is not okay.

[A]

You can't tell him anything.

[B]

No, you can't stop this guy.

[A]

Well, Albert compromises and he calls it the historic site of the original McDonald's museum, which is what they told him to call it. So they made him remove a link on the Juan Pollo website to the museum website. And McDonald's corporate history does not acknowledge Albert's collection or the San Bernardino or the San Bernardino site.

[B]

I don't. I don't know who's stupider, the guy who's just opening the McDonald's museum that nobody asked for or the company who's not just like, let him do it.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

It's not like.

[A]

It's not. It's not there. As far as we're concerned, it doesn't exist. It's not real.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I would just put in the.

[B]

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go in there. If you want to learn the real history of McDonald's. What wouldn't go in there?

[A]

You're not gonna have all your McDonald's facts straight.

[B]

Hey, hope you like McDonald's misinformation, because that's what you're walking into right now. Excuse me, I don't know. You want the real deal, you go make a little trip to Illinois. That's where you're gonna find a bunch of stuff that actually is going to inform you as far as McDonald's goes.

[A]

Are you just standing out in front of this museum in a trench coat telling people stuff?

[B]

Free country. Do whatever you like. But I'm just telling you you'd be better off just getting your McDonald's information from a nobody, which is basically what you're about to walk into.

[A]

I'm just taking the kids to see the old Happy Meal stuff. Like, I don't care about.

[B]

I hope the kids like a little. How are you kids doing? I hope you like a little misinformation meal because that's what you're about to get rammed out of your goddamn throats.

[A]

What are you doing right now?

[B]

You guys are about to walk into a McDonald's house of lies. Okay, what if I told.

[A]

Man?

[B]

What if I. What if I told you I could show you the real Ronald McDonald and that he's okay?

[A]

Where is he Right. Is he around here?

[B]

He's really sick. Two hour drive. I could take you and the kids out to the middle of the desert and show you the real Ronald McDonald.

[A]

I need you to get. Instead of.

[B]

Instead of waste. Instead of wasting everybody's afternoon inside of a fabrication McDonald's layer.

[A]

I came here to get some chicken. I saw the car. Could you get away from our kids and just. Why don't you get out of here?

[B]

Do you have a car?

[A]

No, we walked.

[B]

I saw you drive.

[A]

Okay, we drove.

[B]

So you have a car?

[A]

Yeah. I need you to get away from me.

[B]

Well, if you look. Well, it seems like you like lions, so maybe you go inside there. Go Inside there you're gonna see a bunch of menus without the McDonald's logo. You know why? Because McDonald's has asked this place to not exist. If you want to see Ronald McDonald.

[A]

Do you work for McDonald's?

[B]

I'm a friend of the family. Now, if you want to meet the real Ronald McDonald, just get me and get me in your car. And we're two hours away. You can go meet him. And he's super sick. He is very.

[A]

Your life is fucking pathetic.

[B]

I'm just trying to take down what is a. A house of misinformation. Did you hear Jack?

[A]

We are a Jack in the Box family.

[B]

Did you hear what I said to you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can get you to Ronald McDonald in two hours. And he's.

[A]

I don't give a.

[B]

He needs help. Good. He needs a new heart, if you must know.

[A]

That's fine. Let him die.

[B]

What if I told you weird, okay. I'm either not gonna let you go in there or I'm going in there with you. Period. I have a handgun.

[A]

So. So. So they're not acknowledging whatever. It's just weird. But sure, they don't make him. They don't force him to shut it down. I think that would have brought more publicity. So in an interview, Albert said, quote, I. I feel it is my destiny to own this property.

[B]

Buddy, I don't think you know what destiny is. I think it's meant for loftier ambition.

[A]

So there's a town, a roadside town in the Mojave Desert called Amboy. It's three hours east of Los Angeles. It was a mining camp in 1858. In 1883, the Southern Pacific Railroad bought it to turn into a water stop for trains. In 1990. It's 1939. Herman Buster Burris moved to Amboy with his wife and in laws thinking his in laws Roy. Roy Crowell. And they hoped it would become a boomtown. That's why they moved there. And it did. The next year it did. A mill was built to process gypsum and salt. The population exploded. 600. And it's on Route 66. So drivers are stopping there all the time.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It has church, a post office, a school, an airplane hangar. Water came by rail and bus. And Roy built a garage and a diner and a 30 room motel. They sold tires and gas and milkshakes. Business is booming.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But in 1972, Interstate 40 was built 10 miles north, just killing Route 66.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

No longer the primary east west highway through the US road and traffic just plummets and in 1980, the population is down to 150 people. Ten years later, it's down to 24.

[B]

That's a sad 24.

[A]

But now Route 66, tourists are coming, like people who love the old route and wanna. Yeah, that whole thing. And they're keeping the bus.

[B]

People still are into it.

[A]

Yeah, they're keeping Buster's business alive. It's kicking along. Diners downgraded to a convenience store. After 50 years, Buster decides he's gonna put the town up for sale. Jesus Christ. 90 acres, gas station, motel, a diner, hangar, water towers, everything for 2.5 million. Now, he doesn't want to sell it to just anyone, Gareth, because it's, It's a wonderful. Amboy is a wonderful town.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And he wants something that's not going to tear down the motel and the diner, keep the spirit of Route 66.

[B]

And am a diner anymore, as you've acknowledged. But.

[A]

Okay, you stop it right now.

[B]

Well, I'm just saying.

[A]

Buster, Buster, quote, If I was 20 years younger, I wouldn't sell under no condition. But I can't get people to do things. The younger generation doesn't want to work. They're not reliable.

[B]

I love that, that, that argument that just is always there.

[A]

Always.

[B]

Young people hate working. They hate.

[A]

I love that, like Gen Z people are just like, they. They say, we don't want to work. And it's like they called. They literally called us slackers. Our entire generation, they called us slackers.

[B]

Well, and I also, like, if you were Gen Z, wouldn't you just be like, yeah, no, it's like there's like nothing good.

[A]

There's no reason. There's no reason.

[B]

There's no point.

[A]

Yeah. Don't you want to get a good job and retire, buddy, I'm going to be fighting marauders.

[B]

Don't you want to use your. To drive strangers around so that you could get sick and not have health care? And then you won't even have enough to afford a place to live. Come on.

[A]

And then if you do, it burns.

[B]

Down and then nobody will take care of you because you didn't support Israel.

[A]

So Buster found a buyer, but the owner, new owners, they got foreclosed on really quickly. So Buster dies and then his widow puts it back on sale, same terms in 2003. Amboy was then one of three towns listed on ebay as a promotional campaign for the website.

[B]

What a weird word, right? I'm gonna go buy a boy on ebay. Well, I just bought a. Bought it. Of course he did.

[A]

Of course Albert bought it for $425,000 cash.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Others offered more money, but Albert promised Bessie he would restore and reopen the motel cafe. And that was enough. Right, Albert? Quote, I believe my destiny involves that town. It's hard to explain.

[B]

Because it makes no sense.

[A]

How many people can say they own a town?

[B]

It isn't, you idiot.

[A]

Everything that I think I want to do is destiny.

[B]

Everything I do, I was meant to do. My son will be running my franchises in the Middle East.

[A]

He spent at least $1 million restoring Amboy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He had to redo the electric, water and septic systems. He reopened the gas station. He restored the lobby of the motel and cafe.

[B]

So funny to just be like when he buys it that he's like, wait, what? Yeah, the whole septic system's totally screwed. Oh, my God. So that's going to be like, $1.2 million. Otherwise, your town's going to be covered in poop.

[A]

Do you think this was in his pyramid scheme? Plan things?

[B]

No, it is destiny.

[A]

Or way off.

[B]

It's really.

[A]

Where. Of course.

[B]

Not sure what's happening anymore. To be quite honest with you, I'm.

[A]

Pretty sure I'm supposed to own an old ghost desert town.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Does that make sense?

[B]

Absolutely. Albert, this is your destiny.

[A]

I keep hearing that voice in the back of my head. It just keeps saying yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time. Yes.

[B]

This is your destiny, Albert. Everything you do is right now. Where are those jars with your pee?

[A]

Oh, I've been saving them.

[B]

Good boy, Albert.

[A]

They're in the bunker, as you requested.

[B]

You're a good boy.

[A]

I wish you would stop saying that, though.

[B]

A good little boy.

[A]

Please, God, stop saying that.

[B]

You're daddy's little baby.

[A]

In 2014, he self published an autobiography, Albert Okura, the Chicken man with the 50 year plan. It includes his legal pyramid scheme and pictures of Ms. Pollo, Ms. Teen Juan Pollo, and Ms. Amboy winners. Yes, there's now Ms. Amboy. That is correct. Around 2018, daredevil and stuntman Mad Mike Hughes was launching a homemade rocket in the desert. But he needs a launching pad and he needs sponsors because that's expensive to launch a rocket.

[B]

You can't. Well, now you can, actually, but go ahead.

[A]

He's an ex dirt bike racer and race car mechanic. And he had set a Guinness world record in 2002 for the longest limousine ramp jump.

[B]

Huh. Just how limos are supposed. By the way they do it.

[A]

No, that's too. That's.

[B]

I know, but that's 2002. That's like if the. If they had a waterbed in the back, they'd be like the 80s in one action.

[A]

Guess how far he jumped it? It's a stretch limo.

[B]

10Ft, 103.

[A]

That's pretty far. Stretch limo.

[B]

Shocking.

[A]

He was. Mike is obsessed with publicity because he wants to be as famous as Evil Knievel.

[B]

Sure. Oh, I actually think I know who this guy is. I genuinely think I know who this is. Okay.

[A]

So sometimes he would say the Earth is flat and he was going up in a rocket to prove it was flat. Other times he said that his belief in, quote, flat earth has nothing to do with steam rocket launches. It never did. It never will. I'm a daredevil. His PR guy later said he just said that to get pr, but whatever. Mike and his friend, former daredevil Waldo Stakes, worked for years building a rocket in Waldo's garage that could take Mike into space. So the plan is to attach a huge helium balloon to a steam powered rocket called a raccoon.

[B]

Go ahead, proceed. I'll stop you if something's striking me as odd.

[A]

And the blue would take Mike 20 miles into the air and then he'd ignite the rocket.

[B]

Oh, so he self ignites the rocket once he's up there. I'm guessing by fuse that would take.

[A]

Him another 40 miles across the Carmen boundary into space.

[B]

So we're hearing a plan for death.

[A]

No, you're hearing a plan for going into space.

[B]

Right. Okay.

[A]

And once it peaked and started coming down, Mike would inflate another helium balloon slash parachute thing called the Ballute names are. And he float down to Earth.

[B]

Yep. Where he would die because. No, that's probably not going to work.

[A]

No. Then he gets just sponsors and contracts and money and he's famous.

[B]

So this man is about to die.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

They need about $3 million to do this.

[B]

Yeah. Well, when I heard the scientific method they were using, I thought price tag should be pretty large on this one.

[A]

Yeah. So they raised it from sponsors who would get advertisements on the rocket.

[B]

They should have just started to go.

[A]

Kill me like a NASCAR torto.

[B]

Right, Yep. Of course.

[A]

It's a rocket.

[B]

Yeah. He definitely.

[A]

Because going up into space, people see it and then as it floats back down, they see it again. Right, right.

[B]

Yep. Twice the punch.

[A]

And again it's called the raccoon.

[B]

Raccoon, Yep. Absolutely.

[A]

And they raised, they did raise money from sponsors. Sponsors came to advertise on the rocket. One sponsored was a dating app. Hud. Hud. And on the side of the rocket, it Was supposed to say, dating isn't rocket science.

[B]

Right. So they're looking for a big, big portion of it. By the way, HUD sounds like the. It doesn't sound like a dating app. It sounds like the discharge comes from an std. So that's. That's.

[A]

Another sponsor was an Inland Empire window tinting service.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And another was Juan Pollo.

[B]

Like that. He's getting his. He's. He saw the tinting business. He was like, we better move. This thing's. This thing's really taken off. Pardon the pun.

[A]

Mike and Waldo did a Test launch in 2018. It didn't go well.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And Mike. Mike ended up with a spinal injury.

[B]

Oh, that. Mike was on it for the test launch.

[A]

He did it.

[B]

See, I would say just do the launch. If you're gonna do that, what's the point in testing it? That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me.

[A]

Well, you know, you do it with.

[B]

A dummy that might have messed up, but. Okay. Interesting.

[A]

He's. He's a man. He's not a co. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right. Yeah, for sure. So he has a spinal injury from his launch.

[A]

I think when we sent men into space, there were no tests, anything. We just put a man right in.

[B]

I think we should put a chimp in.

[A]

Put a guy right in.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

In 2019, they did a second launch, this time from Amboy because. Hello.

[B]

Right. Perfect.

[A]

Albert's. Albert's there to watch.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

This one, though, you're right. It was unmanned. Let's just see what it can do.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

It's essentially, they're just doing this one for publicity for the next launch.

[B]

Right. To kind of drum up.

[A]

And that one.

[B]

That'll happen soon, right?

[A]

That one, Michael B. And he'll be right.

[B]

He'll die. Yep. Right.

[A]

Unfortunately, the second launch did fail. It didn't go well. But it did lead to more publicity.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And more money.

[B]

Train wreck. Oh, yeah. I definitely. Yep. Yeah. Basket Service could put their name on the side. Or maybe a cremation business or something like that.

[A]

Or a balloon company or like a company, like landing soft like a mattress.

[B]

Maybe the balloon company that they don't use, you know? And you could be like, our balloons.

[A]

Actually work a mattress company for when you land.

[B]

Like soft window therapy. Yeah. Tons of stuff could go on there that I think would make a ton of sense. Well, a Will Notary, a science channel.

[A]

Reality show came on called Homemade Astronauts. So now they. That now they're filming this.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

So it's all. It's all this is going as.

[B]

This is legitimately a good idea that it's happening.

[A]

Yes. So the third launch was outside of Barstow on February 22, 2020.

[B]

Now, is Mike a part of this one?

[A]

Yes. The reality show is filming and so Mad Mike is a part of it. And the rocket goes up. He goes up in his homemade rocket.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then he comes down in his homemade rocket and he dies.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Oh, wow. Really shocking that crazy that that didn't work out. I'm floored. Obviously. That's crazy.

[A]

So can I ask you this?

[B]

What did he die from?

[A]

I don't know. I think maybe Covid. It seems like.

[B]

Yeah. Wow. So crazy that. That this plan didn't work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gosh, I could only imagine that Albert would wonder how he felt about this whole thing, because he basically paid to have a man killed.

[A]

Well, we don't know if Robert was there. There's no Albert for sure confirmation that he was there. But there were a lot of reporters and Albert did put money in. So he's probably there, but we don't know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The rocket and Mad Mooc's jumpsuit, just like a NASCAR team, displayed the names of his sponsors, which included Juan Pollo. So he's probably there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, Albert's father, Tyoshi, lived to be 100.

[B]

Great. So this is perfect for Albert's plan. In his destiny chart, did it show that Mad Mike was going to die from a rocket that he took a balloon to try with?

[A]

It didn't actually.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Interesting. Hundred year till she came to work with Albert regularly until he was 99 years old.

[B]

Great.

[A]

So you can see where he got to be an idiot. Why don't. What do you people stop working as early as you can? The whole game is to not work.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's what you should be doing with life. The less.

[B]

Well, this is a conversation for 30 years ago, but the whole point of this should be that you go, at this age, I don't have to do it again. I believe the generation before us, or two before has called it retirement. And it was like this whole point of everything.

[A]

It's like when people look down on sex workers and you're like, that sex worker is making more in a day than you make in a week in a factory. Working an hour. Like, what are you. Who's winning there?

[B]

No, it really is. Again, I mean, it's down to grubhub or only fans. You pick.

[A]

So. So Albert does not take a day off work for 40 years.

[B]

See, this but this, to what you're sort of alluding to is what's so stupid. It's like this is the American dream of like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Look at him. He just did so good for so long. And it's sad and it's ridiculous. It's like you're in a money cult, you idiot.

[A]

He. Yes. He worked on holidays. He worked on his kids birthdays. He worked every day.

[B]

He was a delinquent father.

[A]

In January 2023, he got sick with what he thought was a stomach bug. Now it's January 2023. So that's most probably Covid. That's when maybe it could be normal stuff cooking. By the time he went to the hospital, he had sepsis and he died a few days later at 71. All right, well, Juan Pollo, 20 Juan Pollo still has 23 locations in Southern California, but it's not expanded to any other countries. I've never heard of it. Until this. I've never heard of it.

[B]

No.

[A]

I've never heard of it.

[B]

No.

[A]

Albert's son Kyle became the owner slash mayor of Amboy. And social media upped Amboy as a tourist destination. So Europeans going to national parks are the most frequent visitors to Amboy.

[B]

This is where they call their best chicken.

[A]

Olivia Rodrigo filmed a music video there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Kyle plans to restore the motel and is in talks to have a portion of Route 66 renamed the Albert Okura Memorial Highway. And recently he unveiled a 15 foot tall sign portraying Albert Okura with the text restoring Amboy was my destiny.

[B]

If car 1951, 2023. And he's wearing a Roy's Motel Cafe Route 66. And Holy is it a big sign.

[A]

Gareth, If Kyle has a daughter, he plans to name her destiny.

[B]

Well, I would name my son Mad Mike. All right, yeah, I'm just checking it all out right now. It's really quite stupid and. Yeah, but it's also. It really is. It really is also so America. It's so perfect.

[A]

It is the most American American thing of all.

[B]

Yeah, we are just. I actually, I think Kyle's all over the social media, to be quite honest with you. Is he there? Yep. They're February 14th, Juan Pollo post comes. It's a him and a woman feeding each other drumsticks like lunatics and come celebrate Valentine's Day with your special someone at Juan Pollo. It's really not come celebrate Valentine's Day. It's come serve your future ex with papers at Juan Pollock.

[A]

What are we?

[B]

Well, what a. What a. What a strange little story. And I have to say, if you go on their social media, it feels like they don't really know how memes work.

[A]

Seriously? It's that bad? It should be.

[B]

It's pretty bad.

[A]

It should be awesome. Like, they've had enough time, I gotta say.

[B]

It's. Oh, here's a. It's just a Felice Navidad. Yeah. Bring. Bring Juan Pollo home for everyone on Christmas. Yep. Coleslaw looks good.

[A]

The research is done by Sarah Shabsi. Sources. Albert Occur the Chicken man with the 50 year plan by Albert Okura. Fast Food Nation by Eric Slosser. Slosser, LA Times, NY Times, Orange County Register. The. What's that say? It's a picture of Obama giving Obama.

[B]

The Congressional Medal of Freedom. And it says, ordering Juan Pollo instead of cooking dinner.

[A]

Well, they're not good at that, are they? Orange County Register, Orange County Sun, San Bernardino Sun, People Magazine, Wired Magazine, All Alta Magazine, SF Estate, sorry, SF Gate, and the Guardian. Yeah, yeah. It's just America.

[B]

It really is. Like, they're just really abusing this. Oh, this one. They're really abusing their. Like their meme generator.

[A]

It's a woman whispering hotly into a man's ear very close up. Juan Poyo rotisserie chicken.

[B]

And then his arm hairs are standing up.

[A]

His arm hairs are standing up. Because.

[B]

Because that's good. Okay, well, there you go.

[A]

America. But it's such a. It's such a. America is such a great place. We. We are so. Our brains are so up and scrambled that this is, like, considered a great story. It's a guy who worked every day for 40 years. It's a tragic, horrific story. You don't want that. It's like, what's the point of being rich if you don't do any leisure? It's. And it's also sad because. Was the chicken good? I don't know. But it's all about pr and literally you can do anything and get pr.

[B]

And you look forward to the most successful businesses in the country. They really are not, like, look at the biggest beers in the country. They are not the best beers ever. They are the worst beers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, so it. It clearly is not. The capitalist thing is that it's like it. It incentivizes the best product. And it's like, no, it doesn't.

[A]

Doesn't.

[B]

It incentivizes monopolies and, you know, slave wage labor and. And that's really what breeds success bribing the government. Yeah, Like Coors Light is everywhere.

[A]

It's it's not even beer.

[B]

It's not. It's just like beer flavored water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're like, well, I like it.

[A]

Well, that's not McDonald's.

[B]

I mean, that food. Like, I. I think that all the time when I like, anytime I'm in a 711 and someone's ordering dinner, I'm just like, sir, literally walk a block. There's Walgreens. Like, I'm just telling, like, there is a better op. I know it seems like this is. But. But we're just wired to. Ubiquity is the best and it just isn't.

[A]

It's. I've never, like, I don't understand people have ever eaten at a 7:11. Like, what are you doing? It's like you. There's no lower form of food. Like, you're at the bottom.

[B]

It's really bad if you're eating wings from a 7 11. Like, you, you really. If you see someone ordering wing. And this is not even down to price because some people could be like, you could go get cheaper wings. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, why are you doing it there?

[A]

Only if you're shit faced out of.

[B]

Your mind, even then drunk, you should be like, I can. I can do better. I saw a guy ordering wings in front of me at a 711 and as he was getting the box, I just hugged him and I just go, it's not your fault. Well, there you go. Usa. Hey. Okay.

[A]

Thanks for stopping by the dollop. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Is that our dine in or take out?

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Rotisserie chicken. All right, doll heads. Hope you're loving the dollop. I know I am. I don't know what episode this is. Anyway, listen, it's me, Gareth. I am on the road doing stand up comedy, which I know you all love. If you would like to see me, go to GarethReynolds.com I'm gonna be everywhere. Let's party. On July 24th, I will be at the Improv in Irvine, California. On August 5th, I'll be in Nashville at Zany's Lexington, Kentucky, in Comedy Off Broadway. On August 6th. August 7th, I'll be in Huntsville, Alabama. Then I got a couple nights over at the Comedy Catch in Chattanooga, Tennessee. August 8th through August 9th. I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia, August 10th. Then I'll be at the Comedy Fort in Fort Collins. Last year, we broke the alcohol sales record. Let's do it again. That is August 22nd through the 23rd. And then I will be in Bozeman, Montana, September 5th through September 6th. That's Bozeman, Montana. Last best comedy. Then excited for a weekend at the Comedy Club of Kansas City, September 26th through the 27th. I'll be in Columbia, Missouri, September 28th. I'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 30th. Come on. Milwaukee are my home place. I'll be at the Skyline Comedy Club October 1st in Appleton, Wisconsin, Fort Wayne, Indiana. I'm going to be there two shows on October 3rd. And then I will be at the den in Chicago, Illinois, on October 4th. And finally, Sunnyvale, California, November 6th through the 8th at Rooster T. Feathers. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. Let's go. You're part of the Gare Force. Whoops. Almost messed that up.