The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 712 - Henry Hudson, Part One

Release Date: December 9, 2025
Theme: A comedic deep-dive into the life and voyages of the English explorer Henry Hudson, exploring the messy and often absurd realities of early European navigation, leadership nightmares, and the roots of North American colonization.

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode kicks off a two-part journey through the life and misadventures of Henry Hudson, the English explorer famed for accidentally helping to found New York and for his legendary (and sometimes disastrous) quests to discover a new route to Asia. With their signature banter and sharp irreverence, Dave (the researcher/storyteller) and Gareth (the bewildered and riffing co-host) weave together Hudson's historical expeditions, sailor superstitions, colonial arrogance, and frequent mutinies—all through a modern, comedic lens.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Henry Hudson’s Mysterious Origins

• Intro to Hudson: Born around 1565-1570, “most likely to a trading family,” but “we don’t know anything about his upbringing at all. Not even his parents’ names—just his grandfather.” (Dave, 03:14)
• Era Sibling Dynamics: Hudson was the youngest of eight sons, and in his era, “the older sons got cushy jobs and the youngest got sent to sea at 10–12 to learn the trade. The family system shot him off as cannon fodder to ‘learn the trade, kid.’” (Dave, 05:15)

2. Up the Ranks: Life at Sea

• Cabin Boys: Duties included errands, assisting cooks, swabbing decks, and in wartime, carrying gunpowder as “powder monkeys.” (Dave, 07:12)
• Possible Pirate Past: “He may have fought against the Spanish, maybe was a pirate. Nobody knows. If you didn’t write it down back then, it’s just a rumor.” (Dave, 08:02)

3. The Northeast Passage: Dream, Myth, and Science

• Quest for a Shortcut: Europeans wanted a direct trade route to Asia through the Arctic, theorizing the sun “melts the ice for three months, so a ship can just go!” (Dave, 10:10)
• Wild Theories: Some thought the Arctic water was “warm” in the summer. (Dave, 11:47)

4. Nepotism, Leadership, and Terrible Crew Relations

• Hudson as ‘Nepo Baby’ Captain: Chosen by the Muscovy Company for both his navigation rep and family connections. (Dave, 12:04)
• Brazen Disobedience: Instead of following orders, Hudson veers off for a rumored “northwest” route—without telling the crew.
  • “He mostly doesn’t care what he’s told to do.” (Dave, 14:19)
• Hilarity and Mutiny: Crew get spooked by compass errors (due to magnetic fields), leading to mutiny and accusations of witchcraft:
  • “They decided the way to handle this is by locking Henry in the hold.” (Dave, 16:52)

5. Arctic Disasters

• Grampus Attack: The ship is rammed by a ‘grampus’—sailor slang for an unidentified whale. Seen as a cursed omen. (Dave, 19:22)
• Toxic Cuisine: Crew falls ill after eating polar bear liver (“a hard thing to learn”). (Dave, 23:31)
• Icebergs and Near-Death: At their northernmost point, an iceberg almost crushes the ship, but Hudson manages to direct the crew in towing the ship out of danger. (Dave, 24:38–25:43)
  • “So in a moment like that, great. When out at sea, he’s awful. Douche, even.” (Dave, 25:48)

6. ‘Discoveries’ and Plagiarisms

• Hudson’s ‘Touches’: Henry discovers and names an island “Hudson’s Touches,” but never reports it to avoid punishment for deviating off course. The Dutch later “discover” and rename it. (Dave, 27:14–28:37)
• Mapping Greenland and Svalbard: The crew maps “already discovered and mapped” territories, like the Svalbard Islands, calling dibs post-factum. (Dave, 22:31–23:09)

7. Wrongdoing and Justifications for Colonial Violence

• First Contact: Natives are described as “friendly and welcoming”; Europeans almost immediately steal, loot, and kidnap.
• Rationalizations: Every preemptive European attack is justified by supposed “omens” (e.g., a ship’s cat’s zoomies, 64:25).
• Gareth, on colonial logic: “It’s time that we start talking about how awesome it could be to take all this established stuff from a savvier group of people… Kick ass!” (Gareth, 68:09)
• Hudson’s Relative Restraint: He’s less bloodthirsty than his crew but enables atrocities by leadership by avoidance.

8. Superstitions, Mutinies, and Mermaids

• Ongoing Mutinies: The threat of mutiny is constant. Crew complaints escalate as Hudson keeps changing course unannounced.
• Mermaid Sighting: “Two men saw the mermaid—long black hair, woman’s breasts, porpoise tail… She looked earnestly at the men as they gathered to gawk.” (Dave, 50:21)
• Bawdy Theorizing: Gareth and Dave riff on sailors’ sexual frustration creating “fish-women hallucinations.” (48:00–49:50)

9. Backers, Rivals, and Corporate Chicanery

• Switching Sides: When England loses interest, French and Dutch race to hire Hudson. Dutch win—putting his family under supervision in Holland as “collateral.” (Dave, 54:44–55:16)
• Strict Contracts: The Dutch alter the contract to prevent Hudson from straying off the agreed Northeast route, acknowledging his “bolting” history. (Dave, 58:41)

10. Foundation of New York (Sort Of)

• Mapping the Hudson River/Early NYC: Hudson "accidentally" maps what will be New York, Staten Island, Coney Island, and the ‘Hudson River.’
• The Dutch Use His Journals: His logs on the “fertility” and “kindness” of the land and the natives are later used to justify full-scale colonization. (Dave, 74:03)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Viking Style Parenting:
  Gareth (05:29): “Unfortunately, you’ve been eighth in row, so you’re off to have a Poseidon adventure. Sorry about that, boy. You’d been one of them early nuts.”

• On Toxic Polar Bear Liver:
  Dave (23:36): “Turned out you can’t eat polar bear liver—we've discovered that one the hard way.”

• The Compass Mutiny:
  Dave (17:13): “They decided the way to handle this is by locking Henry in the hold and turning the ship around. Not a bad mutiny.”

• On Superstitious Sailors:
  Gareth (16:24): “Witchcraft!... What’s that? Oh, a witch, she’s pulling us in!”

• On Sailor Sexual Frustration Creating Mermaids:
  Gareth (48:56): “The dream woman is one who’s topless, you can shag her, and then cook her bottom for dinner also.”

• On Colonial Violence and Convenience:
  Dave (65:08): “Of course, it was the natives who shouldn’t have trusted the whites.”

• Crew’s Reluctant Loyalty:
  Dave (29:01): “This was the first voyage of its kind not to lose a single member of crew.”

• Corporate Chaperones:
  Dave (54:44): “The Dutch East India Company didn’t mess around. They made Henry move his wife and kids to Holland to be under their supervision to make sure he stuck around. Family collateral.”

• On Flimsy Justifications:
  Gareth (64:47): “Turns out these natives are devils because the cat has zoomies.”

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |---------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:14 | Introduction to Hudson's mysterious origins | | 05:15 | 16th-century family/sons and “sent to sea” custom | | 07:12 | What a cabin boy did; 17th-century ship life | | 08:02 | Speculation about Hudson’s pirate past | | 10:10 | The dream of a Northeast Passage—English navigational myths | | 12:04 | Why Hudson was entrusted by the Muscovy Company | | 16:52 | Mutiny: Hudson locked in hold for witchcraft | | 19:22 | Rammed by a grampus—sailor omens and fear | | 23:31 | Crew poisoned by polar bear liver | | 24:38–25:43 | Iceberg emergency; Hudson’s quick thinking | | 27:14–28:37 | Hudson “discovers” and hides “Hudson’s Touches” from superiors | | 41:06–42:25 | First mate Jewett: insubordination; punished with lashes | | 62:47 | Hudson gives the crew the illusion of choice—icy waters vs. warmth | | 65:08 | Crew’s attacks on natives rationalized by omens (cat’s zoomies) | | 68:09 | Gareth’s satirical take on colonial robbery | | 74:03 | Hudson’s journals become tools for Dutch colonization |

Flow & Tone Notes

• Language and Style: The episode is filled with signature Dollop banter—raunchy, irreverent, quick with present-day comparisons, and sprawling with detours (which sometimes double as historical clarification or context).
• Quips and Sidebars: Gareth plays up childlike confusion, serves as the stand-in for a modern viewer (“Did nobody tell him he was 500 miles off course?”), and both hosts satirize colonial logic, modern toxic leadership, and the ridiculousness of sailor superstition.
• Historical Depth Meets Ridicule: Dave anchors facts and detail; Gareth lands metaphorical punches and comedic relief. The pair stress that history is both wild and deeply flawed when filtered through the arrogance and ignorance of its leading men.

Summary for New Listeners

If you’ve ever wondered how so much of “discovery” history was random, bloody, and administratively incompetent—with monster egos, mutinies waiting in every icy sea, and a whole lot of “discovering” lands already occupied—this episode delivers, wrapped in relentless comedy.

Henry Hudson emerges not as an intrepid hero, but a skilled navigator, a hopeless (and arrogant) leader, and a man who bumbled his way—sometimes accidentally and sometimes with a wink and a dodge—into shaping the history of North American colonization.

Stay tuned for Part Two, where things apparently get “hot and sexy.”

End of Part One.