721 - Ted Nugent

Summary

The Dollop Episode 721 – Ted Nugent

Hosts: Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds
Date: February 17, 2026
Subject: The wild, controversial, and unsettling life of Ted Nugent

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds dive deep into the life and times of Ted Nugent—a figure notorious for his bombastic rock persona, hyper-masculinity, shocking on- and off-stage antics, controversial politics, and disturbing history with underage girls. The episode follows Nugent's evolution from a Midwest kid to a rock star and conservative provocateur, unpacking the absurdities, legal gray areas, and moral failings that marked his ascent and ongoing notoriety.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Life and Upbringing:

[03:00 – 08:00]

• Ted Nugent was born in Redford, Michigan (outside Detroit) in 1948.
  • Strictly raised by an army father known for harsh discipline (e.g., limiting toilet paper squares).
    • "He kept order on the house with a riding crop, enforcing strict rules, like a limit on the number of toilet paper squares that could be used in one sitting." — Dave [04:09]
  • Outdoorsmanship and hunting were instilled in Ted from childhood.
• Nugent claims he was a “predator” from a young age, always outdoors, sharpening spears and making bows.

2. Detroit’s Racial Dynamics & Ted’s Musical Influences

[08:17 – 09:00]

• Grew up in a racially tense yet unionized Detroit but insulated from most racial reality—his only exposure to Black culture came through music.
  • Despite Motown and R&B influences, Dave and Gareth contend Nugent’s music lacks real depth or understanding of Black music.

3. Early Music Career & Emergence of Shock Value

[09:00 – 12:45]

• Nugent developed his signature aggressive stage style as a rebellious, hyper-competitive teen.
• His first major band, The Amboy Dukes, gained notoriety for energetic (and often juvenile) live performances and shock antics.
  • "He began to understand the power of shock value." — Dave [09:08]
• Ted moves frequently due to his father’s work, eventually forming a psychedelic garage band that scored a moderate hit with “Journey to the Center of the Mind.”
• Despite psychedelic imagery, Nugent insisted he was “straight edge” and denied any drug references—hypocritically, according to the hosts.

4. Draft Dodging, Early Sex Scandals, and Fatherhood

[26:30 – 29:02]

• Nugent spread a false story about avoiding the Vietnam draft by soiling himself and taking meth; in reality, he received a student deferment.
• Became a father to children with multiple women by age 21 but refused to parent or marry.
  • "He didn't marry them, and he refused to be a father." — Dave [28:55]

5. Rise to Stardom & Escalating Antics

[34:39 – 41:12]

• Transition to solo career: hires vocalist Derek St. Holmes; launches hit album with “Stranglehold.”
• Nugent’s songs become increasingly macho and explicitly sexual—hits like “Cat Scratch Fever,” “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang,” and “Stranglehold.”
  • Lyrics objectifying women, often with references to underage girls ("It's a story about a teenager with a very clean vagina." — Dave [37:41])
• Audience violence and chaos at Nugent concerts was common, further amplifying his “wild man” persona.
• He becomes the main focus of his band, overtly stealing the spotlight, leading to further ego clashes.
  • "You can call it ego, you can call it bragging, anything you want, but there’s only one alpha male, and it’s me." — Nugent [40:12]

6. Sexual Predation and Disturbing Relationships

[49:03 – 55:10]

• Open admissions to relationships and sexual encounters with underage girls, both in music (“Jailbait”) and interviews.
  • Read lyrics to ‘Jailbait’ — “Well, I don’t care if you’re just 13. You look too good to be true. I just know that you’re probably clean...” — Dave [49:53]
• Cited by Courtney Love as having coerced her for oral sex at age 12 or 14.
• In at least one instance, had a teenager’s mother sign over legal guardianship so Nugent could transport and “date” her.
  • "Pele's mother signed paperwork to make Ted her legal guardian." — Dave [54:05]

7. Decline and Diversification:

[60:39 – 72:22]

• Suffered financial disaster and personal loss in the 1980s (“broke” after lavish spending, bad business deals, and a string of minor hits).
• Wife died in a crash; Nugent devoted brief attention to fatherhood before offloading parenting to his much younger girlfriend.
• Became a hunting/outdoorsman icon, producing animal-killing videos, launching “Ted Nugent’s Camp for Kids,” and touting the “spiritual nature of the hunt.”
• Notorious for provocatively naming a hunting event “Rape of the Hills,” and engaging in other shocking PR stunts.
  • "When you high five and dance around a dead animal, that’s a prayer in its own way." — Nugent [71:14]

8. Right-Wing Politics, Controversy, and Rhetoric

[80:04 – 87:12]

• Nugent’s persona shifts into full-on right-wing provocateur with outrageously offensive statements:
  • Racial epithets against Obama (“sub human mongrel”), hateful anti-feminist, anti-immigrant, and anti-left tirades.
  • Advocated gun violence against political opponents on stage.
  • Continues hosting a podcast, debating political figures, and aligning with conservative politicians like Greg Abbott.
• His doubling down on shock value, misogyny, racism, and adolescent bravado alienates both former musical collaborators and critics.
  • "He's like America the guy." — Dave [55:18]

9. Legacy and Cultural Assessment

[88:20 – end]

• Despite eligibility, Ted is not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and frequently complains about it.
• Hosts ponder the ongoing fanbase for Nugent and his ilk, and the wider social trend of excusing monstrous behavior for alignment on a few issues.
  • "Because I agree with him on some stuff, I hang in there for the dark stuff. And it’s like, no, you actually have to throw that out and find a new idol, sorry." — Gareth [85:35]
• Discuss implications of ignoring or normalizing statutory crimes and toxic "alpha male" culture in American society.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nugent’s Character:
  -"He's a man. He's a… we call this a wordsmith. Shock value." — Dave [11:45]
• On his predatory tendencies:
  -"I spent all my waking hours out there sharpening sticks into spears… I already was a predator." — Ted Nugent, via Dave [07:02]
• On misogynistic lyrics:
  -"It's a story about a teenager with a very clean vagina." — Dave [37:41]
• On the normalization of abuse in entertainment:
  -"We just call them dipshits who don't rape children. Trust me, you'll find them." — Gareth [86:52]
• On Nugent's delusions of decency:
  -"I didn't change the lyrics to Wang Dang Sweet Poontang or anything, but I was constantly reminded of her presence to always take the high road and be a gentleman at all costs." — Ted Nugent, via Dave [87:22]
• On Ted as American caricature:
  -"He's like, America the guy." — Dave [55:18]

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Suggested Key Timestamps

• [03:00] – Introduction of Ted Nugent
• [08:17] – Detroit, race, and music influences
• [11:04] – Emergence of shock value in Nugent’s music and persona
• [26:30] – Draft dodging and early adulthood
• [35:09] – “Stranglehold” and the beginning of solo career
• [37:41] – Dissection of “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” lyrics
• [49:53] – Reading and reaction to “Jailbait” lyrics
• [54:05] – Ted becoming legal guardian to date a teenager
• [60:39] – Losses, financial collapse, “Wango Tango” era
• [71:14] – Justification of hunting as a “prayer”
• [80:04] – Outrageous political statements and turns
• [85:35] – Discussion on excusing monsters for shared politics
• [87:22] – Ted’s claim about lyric decency and his mother
• [88:20] – Hall of Fame snubbing, legacy reckoning

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The tone remains sharply satirical and frequently incredulous, with Dave and Gareth bouncing between laughter, exasperation, and disgust as they detail Nugent’s personal and professional history. They frame his life as a cautionary tale—a monument to unchecked ego, toxic masculinity, and the dangers of normalizing predatory and bigoted behavior for the sake of shock, celebrity, or shared ideology.

The episode is as much a comedic take-down of Nugent as it is a broader critique of the societal systems that allow men like him to thrive, be idolized, and largely escape consequences.

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This summary omits show ads, tour announcements, and non-content banter. For more episodes, visit The Dollop’s official site or listen wherever podcasts are available.

Transcript

[A]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com tour for tickets. You're listening to the Dial Up. This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a Gestapo.

[B]

That is crazy. But I am calling my fans the Gear Stopo. If you want to come out to a show. Gareth Rattled. Who has no idea what the topic is.

[A]

Well, that was awful. That went the wrong way. Really. I expected more pushback.

[B]

Hey there, Gear Stoppo. We're. We're gonna be in Kansas.

[A]

Well, it's.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

I expect a different. I. I have a different expectation.

[B]

I'm what we call. Yes.

[A]

Anding way too much.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Anderson, to the point that people are going to call the. No, there's no one to call.

[B]

That's right. I'll tell you who you should call. The Gear Stoppo. We're going door to door and bringing comedy, whether you like it or not. We're gonna drag you out to some of the shows. If you go to gearstapo.com.

[A]

We're also on tour. Go to Dollar podcast.com tour for tickets.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

New York, sold out. You guys fucked up.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

December 13, 1948. Year of our Lord, J Town. You know, he's got a rad kite that he's flying all these.

[B]

So this. This awesome guy you're talking about is flying kites?

[A]

Yeah, he is. But, like, dude.

[B]

And you think that's cool. Oh, you like kite tricks?

[A]

Yeah, he's got, like, a dragon. I'll tell you what.

[B]

I think if outside of this conversation, I talked to you about kite tricks, the kids, you'd be very negative.

[A]

The kids. I'm talking about teenagers. Super into kiting, and that's the kind of stuff.

[B]

What year are you from? 1880.

[A]

No, I'm from 2025. One year ago.

[B]

You know, it's fucking nuts. A time traveler from one year ago. Be like, what year is this? 12 months from where you are right now.

[A]

It's really fucked up.

[B]

Yeah. This is next January.

[A]

Please take me back to 2025.

[B]

Oh, my God. I've gone too far. I'm in the year 2080. No, no, no. This is about 11 and a half months from now.

[A]

Theodore Anthony Nugent was born in Redford, Michigan.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

What?

[B]

No.

[A]

Good guy.

[B]

Good guy. It's not easy to do sexual assault puns. You know that.

[A]

He's born in Redford, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, to mom, Mar and Dorothy and father Warren Henry Nugent. Nugent the new. My wife, he's like a second or third cousin. She's never. She doesn't know anything about him. But he's related to my wife's family.

[B]

I would have guessed that.

[A]

And she. Your wife because she's from Michigan.

[B]

She's very. She's got a lot of that Nugy.

[A]

Yeah, she's got Nugy vibes. She's like a Lady Nugent.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. She. Actually. There was a wedding, and we thought he was going to be at it, and I was like, can we please go? Can we please go? Warren was an army man who instilled traditional values and strict discipline. Quote, he kept order on the house with a writing crop, enforcing strict rules, like a limit on the number of toilet paper squares that could be used in one sitting.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Now, that's. That's.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Well, that's called. You know, the famous doctor. Dr. Seuss. The parenting, like, doctor guy.

[B]

Dr. Seuss. Dr. Spock.

[A]

Dr. Spock. Sorry, I said doctor. Dr. Seuss is also very big with parenting. Dr. Spock had a big thing about two squares. Like, it's called the shitty ass theory. And so you let the kids use, like, two squares of toilet paper.

[B]

And this is who everyone was getting parenting advice from in the 70s and 80s.

[A]

And then everyone. And then if they don't, they have to have a shitty ass and deal with it.

[B]

Christian.

[A]

What? No, I'm totally making that up.

[B]

Oh. I was like, what? That would have been nuts. Oh, no. Look, if your kid's not right when he gets up, it should look like someone smashed fudge in a book. I'm Dr. Spock.

[A]

He also instilled an appreciation.

[B]

That's how you get Klingons.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good.

[A]

He also instilled an appreciation. Have you ever watched Star Trek? Yeah. You have?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, all of them?

[B]

No. What? No. Come On I enjoyed sex. What kind of a question is that? Yeah, I've seen a few. You know what I mean?

[A]

I've watched them all several times. And let me tell you, I've also had intercourse.

[B]

Yeah, I'm talking about like a bunch of it, though. Not like to make a kid four or five times. David's log.

[A]

He also instilled in a first date.

[B]

154-1514. She was an interesting species. She ordered the mozzarella sticks.

[A]

Interesting. I thought never. Adam.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, of course. Star Trek. There's a goo inside of these that are intimidating to us. I'm worried that these stringy cheeses go to a bowling alley, will you?

[A]

He also installed. Instilled an appreciation and love of the great outdoors. Specifically, a love of killing every animal young Ted could lay his eyes on.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

That's how you do it. Yep. Ted's dad's insistence. Oh, wait. According to Ted, by the time he was 6, he had a gun in one hand and a guitar in the other. It's obviously like Ted likes to say, but he loved guitars. And hunting, basically.

[B]

Yeah, right. Sounds like he had a gun in his hand when he plays you. Ted Nugent.

[A]

Ted St's insistence on developing outdoor survival skills clashed with the suburban lifestyle of basically every person around them. But young Ted ate it up. He also also mentions that hunting, fishing and camping were formative to building his character and world view.

[B]

Well, that's bad. That's what we call a bad thing, Teddy.

[A]

Quote. I spent all my waking hours out there sharpening sticks into spears, making bows and arrows at a twine. I already was a predator.

[B]

Yeah, you sure were.

[A]

Yes, indeed, you were.

[B]

Sure were.

[A]

Post war Detroit was a hotbed of racism.

[B]

Post war Detroit.

[A]

Post war. But also racial solidarity.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Just a few years before Ted was born, black and white auto workers realized that the struggle against racism was also an economic struggle. And black workers paid played an instrumental part in turning Ford into a union shop.

[B]

We have never forgotten that lesson.

[A]

No, we have not. Ted, of course, was shielded from any of this by his stern suburban upbringing. In fact, it seems like his only interaction with black people and black culture was through music.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. You still think that would be, like, helpful?

[A]

There's no. There's absolutely no sign that his music has any sort of. No understanding of black music.

[B]

I mean, I don't know enough Ted Nugent.

[A]

I mean, it's terrible music. I'll give you a great example. So when I was young, this is when he was kind of Having his hits. We liked it in seventh grade, and then by the time we got to high school, we were all making fun of it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So that's what Ted Nugent is. He's the kind of music when you first start listening to rock and roll, you're like, wow, this guy's crazy. But then you grow a little bit.

[B]

It's like a boy band.

[A]

You become pre. Post pubescent, and you're like, what?

[B]

Start to form.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, well, that guy's a. So Detroit was the home of Motown, but while he enjoyed the hooky soul sounds, he really drove head first into rhythm and blues and, of course, rock and roll. He was influenced by Chuck Berry, Lonnie Mack, and the Shadows. So Ted's a very rebellious high school student. He would clash with authority figures, if you can imagine that. He was a hyper kid. And he began to understand the power of shock value.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And so this is all shock value.

[B]

I wish we never learned that.

[A]

I know, right? It's just the worst.

[B]

I mean, when you watch comedy now and you go, we can't keep doing this.

[A]

The clip you sent me the other day, it is. It's a. It's a Kill Tony clip. And it's this guy just being just unbelievably racist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're just all, like, listening to it and yucking it up. And you're like, no.

[B]

Well, they're reacting, you know, they're like, yay, this is not good.

[A]

But then it's there on the show. Yeah.

[B]

And then. And then people commenting are like, bro, welcome to the deep end. Yeah, no, we're not. Should probably not be having that.

[A]

So shock value. And this is all segments, the backdrop of Ted getting serious about playing guitar. And as a teenager, he began to form garage bands across the Detroit area. His first gigs were at local teen dances, bars that would allow underage kids slot in their lineups and school events.

[B]

So, like, you're saying, yeah, but he's. How old is he?

[A]

He's a teenager, so 16 or whatever. He honed his guitar technique and stage presence, developing a reputation for an energetic, aggressive playing style.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Awful. There's such thing as an aggressive playing style, but he's just like this douchebaggery.

[B]

Well, if you. If you're good and an aggressive player, like, that's. That's great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like when you. I. I can't. There's this White Stripes documentary. You watch Jack White, you're like, jason crazy, like, moving all over. Yeah. Damn.

[A]

Yeah. But then there's dorky.

[B]

Yeah. But then there's like, that guy's moving a lot. He'd probably be better if he learned it and stood still.

[A]

As he grew up, he only intensified his competitiveness, his machismo and defiance blooming into basically his entire personality. Cool all throughout. His survivalist tendencies, his obsession with the outdoor lifestyle of hunting and killing just grew and grew.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

When Ted was 16, he formed a psychedelic garage band called the Amboy Dukes. Okay.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

They became fixtures in Detroit's music scene, opening for the Supremes and the Funk Brothers. I just weird booking these shows.

[B]

All right, so these guys kill a deer when they start, and then we'll get to you ladies.

[A]

But right as they started to rise, Ted's dad got transferred to Chicago. About that, Ted later said, quote, take an electric cigarette lighter out of the dashboard of your car and sizzle the tip of my boner, why don't you? So he's a. He's a man. He's a. We call this a wordsmith shock value. Yeah, I know, right? It's just. So these are the kind of people that you stare at, and you're just like, I don't know what you want me to do.

[B]

I, I don't know. It's, you know, it is. I mean, we basically now have a culture fully based on it in this country. And how the fuck you think it's going?

[A]

I mean, yeah, totally.

[B]

You know, if you, if you're. If again, if the whole thing is to keep out doing the shock or whatever it is, it's. It ain't going to be pretty. No, I mean, it ends with the people, they fought for the R word that. I mean, how long till the N word? It's got to be this year. Yeah, it's got to be this year where they're like, I think you should be allowed to say it if you're being, like, hyperbolic.

[A]

People are going to get punched a lot if they say that, though. There's a difference. People will get literally laid out constantly.

[B]

I, I think there are certain fan bases that would totally stand for it, but.

[A]

Yes, but I'm saying it's different than.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Saying the artwork. Because you're going to get laid out. Yeah, yeah. Like, if I'm at a club and a guy is saying that seriously on stage, I'm throwing a glass at him.

[B]

Well, dude, I, I, I tell you this story. I was, I can't remember where I was, but I was at a show, like, somewhere in Ohio, and I was trying to set up my Camera. And I just heard the guy was opening for me, and he was just like. I just heard him say the F word. And like, fa. You know? Yeah. And I just. I. I was like, wait, what? And this. Kind of heard it faintly. And I was like, what's going on?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. And then I hear someone from the crowd go. You know, people were upset, and someone from the ground was like, dude, shut the fuck up. Stop saying that word.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was. He's like, it's a joke about camping. And he was like, stop saying it. Because he. You know, originally, that word is a bindle of sticks. And he's going, it's that. And this guy goes, stop saying it. So I literally get up on stage and I'm just going, what the fuck was that? You know? Oh. Even before I do that, I talked to the, like, lighting guy, and I go, that's fudgeing crazy. And the guy was like, I know. I'm sorry that they kicked those people out. And I go. He goes, the people who said, no, no. And I. I'm like, wait, they kicked out the guy who was saying, don't say that. He was like, yeah. He goes, no heckling. I go, he's not heckling. Some fucking pissed. So then I go up, whatever, do my set. Then after the show, I'm selling merch next to the guy, and the guy. The guy was like. He's like, your fans are pretty. And I was like, they're human. And so. So then after the show, there are people coming up to him who are going, like, I support your right to be able to say that, you know? And my fans are coming up to me going, why the is this guy opening for you? And I go. I go, I don't know. So. So the. So that night, I email my manager at the time, and I go, this is fucking crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But we have the guy taken off. The club, thankfully, was like, yeah, that was crazy. So the club yanks him from the weekend. And then I reach out to. I. Somehow I. I. However it was, I figure out who the guy was who was protesting, and I email him and I say, I'm really sorry. Come back tonight. He's like, my friend who has just transitioned is that was like, their first outing for something, and they're at a comedy show, sitting there going, boy, I hope nobody, you know, and everyone's going, oh, you're gonna be fine. And then you got this guy up there saying the F word. And so I invite them all back to the show. They all come Back to the show. And then the guy was like, I mean, it was just crazy. And. And I just always think back to that first night where that guy was like, you got some weird fans. Because he's going around that. He's going around saying that. And he just keeps going. It's a bindle of sticks, dude, chill.

[A]

It's. God damn it. It's so amazing that, like, yeah, you can say it. You get to say it on stage.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Yeah, there's also going to be a reaction, buddy. You don't get to say it. And everyone goes, no, man, we're gonna call you a piece of.

[B]

But then they're like, cancel culture.

[A]

No, my. And your cancel culture is when I hit you with a bat, which is like, at the end of the night, after. I'm tired of you saying it. Yeah, but, like, there's no cancel culture happening. You're saying a thing I hate, and I tell you.

[B]

That'S the thing. You're just like, dude, then you got to deal with the kids. The whole thing about cancel culture was, yeah, that guy who sexually assaulted people. We don't think people should support him. And they're like, oh, man, here we go again. You got to be thankful that somehow, I mean, Dalia is still selling out theaters, but somehow.

[A]

Is he selling out theaters?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Somehow we got him into that box of. He did do this stuff. It was like right before we started kind of making it all nebulous or whatever or that. But we. For him, we were. That has stuck. And. And even the comedy community, for the most part, I mean, was like, yeah, that was not cool. But now he's, like, rehabbing himself. He's like, I had a kid, that only happened once, and then I went to rehab, and then I came out and I started to do it again. That was it.

[A]

All I did was get a 16 year old girl who I. Who tits I wanted to suck on to get my name tattooed on her neck.

[B]

It's cool. It's totally fine. I told you, my buddy Kyle, who made that documentary, the only claim that the Delia people came after him for was music to try to get the video. That was. No.

[A]

All right, back to the story. If I can remember where we were. Oh, Predator Chicago. Right, Right. He's a predator, right?

[B]

Yeah. That's how he sees the world with, like, heat vision.

[A]

So he's playing his shows and he's a douche nozzle. He's in the Amboy Dukes. He's opening for the Supremes and the Funk. Brothers. And then his dad gets transferred, and then he says he'll tip in my boner, blah, blah. So he goes back to Detroit with the Amboys, and he's now developing a bluesy, nasty sound with his guitar. And one night in his bandmate's basement, after hours of trying to find the perfect note.

[B]

What are there, like, five?

[A]

The perfect note.

[B]

It was E.

[A]

He finally hits it. And according to his bandmate, that exact note shot upstairs into his aunt's head and killed her dead on the spot. Quote, I was surprised smoke wasn't coming out of her ears.

[B]

What just took place? Please.

[A]

I think he's saying that gave his aunt a stroke or a heart attack.

[B]

Cool. Cool, dude, I bet.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I bet your mother or father love this twist.

[A]

Great rock and roll story, buddy.

[B]

Well, she just had an aneurysm. Wrong dad. I'm pretty sure that Ted finally hit the D perfectly.

[A]

The band started playing gigs all over America now with Ted creating a scene at every show with his guitar. He would play it by whipping it with its leather strap during solos or spoon it on the ground and pretend to it.

[B]

Right?

[A]

According to Ted.

[B]

But that is, to be fair, like we were saying before, that is a. That's a talent cope. That's how you cover up a lack of skill by flipping it around and being like, all right. It.

[A]

Yeah. It means you cannot actually do this.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, he, he's, he's, he's one of those guys who's technically gifted at guitar, but you don't want to listen to. You're like, you're just.

[B]

And people are probably going, well, you're, you're coming into this episode with a bias. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I want to dislike this main character.

[A]

Yeah. 100. According to Ted, the band would play 300 nights a year, often touring for a week straight. Then their rest would be a 24 hour car ride to a different part of the country where they'd repeat the cycle. Another week of shows, followed by another day and night on the road. So Ted's competitive starts to burst out, and he's doing it in the form of impromptu guitar battles he would wage against other bands on the bill.

[B]

Oh, I don't hate that.

[A]

I do.

[B]

I mean, if I'm like, they're watching a show again, I'm not a fan, but I'd go, I like that. A little battle.

[A]

Guys soloing off. Like, it's just, I mean, awful.

[B]

It sounds like masturbating.

[A]

Roadies would wheel out. By the way, when I said that, I don't like jam bands. Some guys did come at me, like jam band guys that listen to our show.

[B]

You know who I was talking to? I was talking to these guys who have a podcast called Guys at their.

[A]

Their. Oh, no, I've been on that.

[B]

Oh, they are that. Those dudes are so.

[A]

They're great.

[B]

They're so funny. But they told me about tarp. Tarp culture at jam band shows.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Do you know this?

[A]

No.

[B]

So you know how you know for a parade you put a chair out early and that's kind of this weird thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That would happen at fish shows where people would just lay, like they would get there and just put out a.

[A]

Tarp like a 30 foot long.

[B]

Like they just take over a huge plot at the front. And then so fish event to go.

[A]

Ain't no tarps.

[B]

Tarping. That is the people like sneaking. So then people are sneaking tarps under their shirts and tarping.

[A]

Are you kidding me? What the is going on?

[B]

And then you know someone. It's like holding a seat at the movies with coats. But it was kind of at a show like a 30 foot tarp and be like, sorry, dude, this is a city. Get out.

[A]

Oh, that's great. So they're doing the guitar battles. Roadies would wheel out bigger and bigger amps as Ted and the other band's guitarists went head to head in a fight to see who could shred bigger and more. Bombastic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Describing his guitar style, Ted has said, quote, loud is good for some is great, and then more is better. One more time I said, I'm gonna set it wrong. Loud is good. If some is great, then more is better.

[B]

Right? There we go. Right?

[A]

Cool.

[B]

That is cool. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. You're not 12.

[B]

That idea of I could do anything I want.

[A]

Yeah, he really. He really like his maturity levels. Like a 12 year old, right? Yeah. Then in 1967, the Amboy Dukes struck pay dirt with a hit single called Journey to the center of the Mind. I. I hate you. I hate you. I hate the music, but also I hate what you've said here.

[B]

Do you think we can find that song?

[A]

I'm sure you can.

[B]

I'd be a little curious.

[A]

Oh, absolutely you can. It hit number 16 on the Billboard Hot 100.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

It's a pretty typical psychedelic rock song. With one notable exception of Ted's raucous guitar work. The song is about how great it would be if everyone in the world, quote, took a ride to the center of their mind.

[B]

I don't hate it.

[A]

Well, but what. What's that mean to them, though? I guess is the.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Okay. It's just standard 70.

[B]

Just like the Beatles. I was hoping for some lyric.

[A]

I don't think there's gonna be lyric.

[B]

Really? No.

[A]

Yeah, The Stomach. Oh, I've heard this song.

[B]

I have, too.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, I have heard that song.

[A]

I can't believe that's a Ted Nation song because it just sounds like a goofy late 60s look.

[B]

Here's the problem, Dave. Yeah, it's not terrible.

[A]

It's not. It's not terrible. It's not like he becomes.

[B]

Yes, right, exactly.

[A]

What he becomes is, like, horrifyingly bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the album cover featured about two dozen pieces of drug paraphernalia, including pipes, bongs, and hookahs. And yet, despite all of this, Ted, who is becoming staunchly straight Edge, claimed he had no idea the song was about drugs, even though the band's reputation was purely built on its psychedelic, drugged out image.

[B]

So really, with that statement, we're taking a journey to the center of his mind and going, hey, what the are you doing? How'd you not piece it together?

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

Sure. All right, there you go.

[A]

Or he's lying.

[B]

Yeah. Yep, there it is.

[A]

Because he doesn't want his daddy to know.

[B]

Right?

[A]

The band put out a string of failed follow ups with titles like Dr. Slingshot. Why is a Carrot More Orange than an orange?

[B]

Oh, why? Yo. Wow.

[A]

No, that's like when you first smell.

[B]

It's like a coffee talk question.

[A]

It's like when you first smoke pot when you're 11.

[B]

Yeah, but you're trying to be, like, deep. I mean, you ever think about that? Hey, man, why don't they call limes greenies, man?

[A]

Breastfed gator. Sure, that's got it.

[B]

That does sound like a French.

[A]

That's got to be Ted's.

[B]

You'd have a breastfed gator with a side of potatoes. Or croata.

[A]

The inexhaustible quest for the cosmic cabbage. So they're just idiots. Like, they're just idiots. Yeah. Around this time, Ted.

[B]

Think that is. That's weed.

[A]

Yeah, of course it is. Like, what's he talking about?

[B]

Just like, man, I would love to eat lettuce on the moon.

[A]

Around this time, Ted dodged the Vietnam draft. Now, according to him, by pissing and shitting his pants for a week and then doing meth before he went in for his medical exam. Correct. Now, I thought this was true, but then I looked it up. Josh sent me the research, and I looked it up, and I told him about that story. According to military records, he did not get out of the war this way, but received a student deferment. So he told the story later in, like, the late 70s. That's what he did.

[B]

Right.

[A]

His roommate and drummer of the band would later say he was the one who did the crazy poop thing to get out of.

[B]

Someone actually did do that.

[A]

Well, specifically, he pooped in his underwear the day of the interview or whatever it is. And then put the underwear on backwards.

[B]

Unnecessary step.

[A]

And I've done that on dates.

[B]

An unnecessary step.

[A]

Yeah, putting on backwards. Absolutely unnecessary.

[B]

Like, I would hear that, like, if that was your buddy's plan. All right, so I'm actually going to go in. I'm gonna have my pants. There's no way they're gonna take me.

[A]

Okay, I got an idea. Yeah, Put them on backwards. Well, yeah, the underwear, I mean, then.

[B]

It'S just gonna be all over my penis. And I think I could avoid that a little bit.

[A]

And then, and then when you get.

[B]

There, but the back's already covered in. There's not going to be a difference.

[A]

When you get there, you're like, I suffer from dick.

[B]

I don't think they're gonna look at my dick. I mean, I think the whole thing. I think the whole thing is that I'll come in there with, and then.

[A]

So I'll be covered in and pants off. And you're like, see, I just think.

[B]

If I them, then that's plenty. There's no need to turn them around.

[A]

You can say, I think that's where it comes from is the penis. Ah.

[B]

I mean, I could say that anyway. And I don't have to. I'm just thinking about my. I'm actually thinking about my experience.

[A]

I'm starting to put together a song called Dick. Oh, get your guitar. I, I'm feeling this.

[B]

I, I, I, I. Well, I get it. All right.

[A]

We're doing Dick, the song.

[B]

All right. I thought it was about a worm.

[A]

Whatever. It worked for the roommate. He got out of the.

[B]

Yeah, that's correct.

[A]

So then Ted, apparently. Ted apparently steals the story later to make it seem like a crazy rock and roll guy. Yeah.

[B]

Instead he was like, excuse me, I'm studying.

[A]

Ah, what a dork. So at 21, Ted had children with two different women.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

He didn't marry them, and he refused to be a father.

[B]

Nice. That's my guy.

[A]

How you do it?

[B]

It's my guy right there.

[A]

He was too busy. Spit. He doesn't seem like he got the kind of guy that would never use a condom.

[B]

Yes. Never use a condom. And then. And then just be like, well, you shouldn't let me finish. And sad.

[A]

He was too busy spitting off from the amboys and becoming the Motor City Madman at this time.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

A few years later, he met Sandra Janowski, the woman who, quote, might make Ted change his wild ways. They had two kids, and Ted was the. Just a portrait of a domestic dad. Ted recalls he, quote, met this little girl and couldn't get her off my mind. Talk about love. Hopeless love. I don't love little girls. She's of age, though. She's actually. She's actually of age. I know.

[B]

Don't love it.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I met Sally here when she was a little girl. I love her.

[A]

By the mid-70s, Ted and lyricist Steam Farmer, who absolutely knew the songs are about drugs, start butting heads over the psychedelic lyrics and stoner identity of the band. There were only two things Ted wanted to write about. Insanely macho tough guy and being horny. Just. Yeah, those. Those are the. That's what all songs are about.

[B]

You know that you sent me this song earlier that I think is. I'm not kidding. It might be my favorite thing I've ever seen on YouTube, but the idea of a band, like, singing songs together about that song. Feel like making love. I'm like, how do you sit there and. Seriously, like, four or five dudes? Yeah. Just kind of just being like, really would love to have sex. I really would love to have sex. Whether it's with my current or ex. I just would really love to have sex. We'd really love to have sex. No, it's like, all right.

[A]

The song I sent him was Kiss you all over by Exile.

[B]

If you.

[A]

The videos go. The video's insane.

[B]

Just make it to the synthesizer.

[A]

Yeah, the synthesizer is great. But then all the. All the. The solo shots of each band members.

[B]

There's one guy where you're like, is he in the band?

[A]

I know. Or is he a dad?

[B]

He's the band dad.

[A]

Okay, so. So he's. He's in love, and he's got this band that he's butting heads with. And there. There's two things that he wants to write about. Insanely macho tough guy and being horny as you can be. And his producer said that the music was, quote, all about the fist.

[B]

Pardon?

[A]

Yeah, all about fist.

[B]

What. What does that mean?

[A]

It's all about the fist, man.

[B]

Like, what? Fist in the air is like in the fist, baby.

[A]

What do you mean, what am I talking about? What's a fist to you?

[B]

I mean, if you're saying what I think you're saying, then you're talking about a guy who's basically saying, I don't want to write about drugs. This is a band that writes songs about fisting. For the last time. Drug culture is disgusting, and everybody's doing that. We're the Fist Boys. We do one thing and one thing only.

[A]

We fist. We fist. Let's fist each other.

[B]

Now, if you have a problem with fisting, then you have a problem with the songwriting in this band. And get out.

[A]

If you don't like fisting, you don't like Ted Nugent.

[B]

Yeah. Period.

[A]

Think about that.

[B]

All right, so now let's come up with a list of more stuff that rhymes with fist.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Hey. What list?

[A]

That's just such a weird thing to say.

[B]

So the label.

[A]

So we have some questions.

[B]

Go ahead. Whenever you're ready.

[A]

Well, there's, like. The whole album is sort of fist related.

[B]

Yeah. We're the only band who's carved out the zone of fisting. Okay. As a matter of fact, I don't think another band has done a song about it, let alone a concept.

[A]

That's where. That's where we kind of have it. Because we're. We were hoping that fisting would be about punching, like getting in a fistfight. And you guys.

[B]

No, we make that very clear. And jamming up the giant.

[A]

Okay. So that's. That's kind of what we kind of want to stay away from, is the fisting part of fisting. Well, like, let's just make it about fist.

[B]

Like Fist Ladies or Puppets has 12 tracks that are all about fist.

[A]

Again, it's not. Yeah, it's not a. It's. It's hard to sell this album on the radio.

[B]

You even listen to Human Glove.

[A]

I have, actually.

[B]

And.

[A]

And it. Name.

[B]

Give me one note. Well, Fingers for quitters.

[A]

Yeah. Again, punch through it like this sounds like a fake album. I gotta be honest.

[B]

Arm is 90, dicks. Okay, name one band that has one song about we.

[A]

All right. We have a.

[B]

So, by the way, our new stuff. This is great, obviously, and ready for the radio. But our new stuff's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, we're legging again. So these are really a little. A little bit much. We're trying to hit, like, a young teen market. Nope, that's not what we mean. Get the kids fit.

[B]

Look.

[A]

No.

[B]

Do you want us to go to high schools and talk to them about the benefits of fist.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

We don't mind doing that at all.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I.

[A]

Can you wash your. Have you gu. Did you guys wash. Are you.

[B]

Have you even made it to the last song? Washing removes the act.

[A]

So Ted goes solo.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And he picks a new vocalist named Derek St. Holmes. And the band instantly becomes known for their hyper energetic stage presence and buzzsaw guitars.

[B]

I always thought he was singing.

[A]

Everybody did. Oh, everybody did. It's very common. Oh, he never sings.

[B]

He's just the guitarist.

[A]

Yeah, he's not singing that.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

The opening track on Ted's first solo record was an eight minute headbanger called.

[B]

So it's a solo record. He's not singing.

[A]

It's like Santana. So Santana.

[B]

Santana doesn't sing, but he's an amazing guitar player.

[A]

Well, that's different. But I'm saying it's like Santana in the sense that it's called Santana, but he's not the lead singer.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

The opening track on Ted's first solo record was an eight minute headbanger called Strangle hold, which featured the lyric, you ran the night that you left me. You put me in my place. I got you in a stranglehold, baby. And then I crushed your face.

[B]

All right.

[A]

That was cool. Yeah.

[B]

Nice stuff.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

That's stuff that everybody can listen to in the house. It's nice music for all.

[A]

Yeah, it's nice.

[B]

The Supremes are backstage. Like, stop.

[A]

Violence was a regular occurrence in the audience at Ted shows. The kids in the crowd would blow up fireworks, get in fist fights and set seats on fire and storm the stage.

[B]

Terrible fan base.

[A]

Yeah. Ted was hitting his stride. And his next few solo albums, like Cat Scratch Fever and Double Live Gonzo were major hits. So he's now a really big rock and roll star.

[B]

Cat Scratch Fever is the only one I can name.

[A]

I think that's the only one I've heard parts of, plus minor hits like Wang Dang Sweet Poang made him.

[B]

I don't think I've heard this song. I've heard of that.

[A]

The highest grossing rock and roll act of the late 70s.

[B]

What?

[A]

Because it's so dumb that I'm. I'm in, like, whatever. Seventh grade. It's great for seventh grader. It's Wang Bang Sweet Poonang. I'm. I'm like. Like I'm on cloud night because I'm prepubescent, right? Yeah.

[B]

Star Trek and that for you.

[A]

Oh, did you ask for the lyrics of Wing bang. You did, did Sweet Pin Tang. Okay, I'll tell you. No, that name, Dean. What a teenage queen she looking so clean Especially down in between what I like she come to town she be fooling around a Putting me down as a rock and roll clown it's all right. Chorus. Wang bang sweet poontang Wang bang, sweet poontang man, it's fucking great, right?

[B]

In. In our lifetimes, they were, like, comfortable being like, it's a statutory rape on a song.

[A]

Well, it's.

[B]

It's a.

[A]

It's a story about a teenager with a very clean vagina.

[B]

18 and 19. We. We. You know, we should do. We should just call that. We should just make those different ages. So that's when people are talking about T T stuff. By the way, not to keep harping on Delia. He did know the state where 17 was legal, like, off the cuff. He was like, yeah, well, L.A. obviously. Everyone's like, how do you. Oh, there you go.

[A]

He's got a map on his wall. Yeah, so those are really terrible.

[B]

I'm a sex offender.

[A]

So these are terrible lyrics, just on just, like, every level. They're just dumb and they're misogynistic and they're predatorial and everything else. A couple years later, Ted would say his solo on the song at a concert in Detroit on September 3, 1978, was the second most important event of the 1970s.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Can you disagree with that?

[B]

I'm trying to think of one other thing that happened in the 70s, and.

[A]

That'S kind of it. Watergate. Watergate. It's Nixon resigning, and then it's Ted Nugent solo on the song Wang bang Sweet Poon Tang In Detroit.

[B]

I think we're all losing focus on wine. Bang. Sweet poon.

[A]

Ted quote, I am so moved by my music and so proud of my music that I think everyone's life would be better if they just played Stranglehold and Cat Scratch Fever.

[B]

I mean, that is. That is some Seagal based.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

That is like Seagal mind.

[A]

Yeah, you're. You're just a level.

[B]

I can't stop listening to my own stuff.

[A]

Wouldn't the world be better?

[B]

I just finished editing my special. I don't ever want to watch it again.

[A]

Dude, by the time you're done making an album or special, you're, like, off.

[B]

I mean, recording. I was done with.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Having to watch an editing.

[A]

No.

[B]

To be terrible, man. I could keep watching this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, I love me some me.

[A]

Ted's head is getting bigger and Bigger, the more famous he became. And he began stealing what little spotlight there was left for the other members of his band. Literally, he would walk into the spotlight when it was on other members and play guitar in front of them on stage, blocking them from the audience.

[B]

Man, that is Spinal Tap. That's crazy. That is crazy. I mean, you're the guitarist, not the lead singer.

[A]

And you're.

[B]

It's already you. But then. Oh, man. Not to mention the lighting guy was.

[A]

Like, oh, Jesus Christ. Quote. You can call it ego, you can call it bragging, anything you want, but there's only one alpha male, and it's me.

[B]

Terrible, terrible, terrible.

[A]

But through it all, Ted kept his love of the outdoors.

[B]

Yeah, we should go there more.

[A]

Quote there's nothing more extreme than sonic bombast rock and roll and the silence of the swamp. It's magic stuff. The. Are you talking about?

[B]

What do you know?

[A]

You are so. This guy is so dumb.

[B]

I'm an idiot.

[A]

He's so dumb.

[B]

It is bombastic swamp stuff. I'm the swamp creature with a guitar.

[A]

His life of constantly being on the road and using his rare off time to hunt took its toll on his marriage. He explained the divorce. Quote. Maybe I wasn't around enough when she was pregnant or with the kids, but for whatever reason, she gave up on the marriage.

[B]

She quit. I mean, she. At the end of the day, the. The she look, she couldn't take it. She. She couldn't handle it. So it is the woman's job to let you do anything. And she. She just had me on a leash, so there was nothing that could be done. I was cheating on her. I swore at her. I was a real piece of. And she left.

[A]

I'm gonna continue the quote. I was a Wang Dang addict. I was addicted to girls. It was hopeless. It was beautiful.

[B]

By the way, you know who else was straight edge?

[A]

Who?

[B]

Zelia.

[A]

Ah. Was he really?

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. See, that's that. Have a joint, would you please?

[A]

Seriously, relax.

[B]

Have a goddamn joint.

[A]

So in 1978, they get divorced. This led. This is a brutal court battle that finally ended in Ted getting joint custody of the kids. Once his fight. Yeah, very good. Once his fight with his ex wife was over, Ted turned his sights on lead singer Derek St. Holmes. On their next album, Cat Scratch Fever, Ted took over the vocals.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

On all the hits, quote it was a battle for dominance. And Ted was a master at marking his territory.

[B]

Wait. Songs that have been written and sung by the other guy.

[A]

I think he takes over.

[B]

He now starts singing them yeah, that is a wild. So.

[A]

Yeah. So I think the other guy maybe wrote the lyrics and then he stepped in and. Or he. Or he did the music and then was like, no, I'm singing this still.

[B]

That's a very weird move to be like. Now I'm the singer.

[A]

Support for the Dollop comes from Square. Not. Not the Shape. This is an actual.

[B]

I thought this was like street.

[A]

No, there's a service. It's not the Shape brought to you.

[B]

By Square and eight.

[A]

It's like the thing that powers like half of the places that I go. Basically. If, if you've ever like tap, you know, you tap to pay and you think, wow, that was really. That was fast. That happened really fast. Probably Square.

[B]

Square.

[A]

It doesn't matter. Matter if you're selling lattes or cutting.

[B]

Hair or detailing cars or coblin or doing. Doing a. Like sort of a past camp, a kissing booth, trying to set up a. Like a ladder with no rungs. You know, just kind of like two beams that are.

[A]

Yeah. Just like that Square business. I. I know it's a bad business.

[B]

Yeah. But still, if you're. You could.

[A]

Yeah, I get it. Square helps you run your business without running yourself into the ground or falling off the ladder. Yeah. And right now, that's it.

[B]

That's the slogan.

[A]

Our listeners. Right now, listeners of the dollop can get $200 off square hardware. When you sign up at square.com go dollop that's s q U-A-R-E.com go dollop and you visit Square to get started. These are the kind of tools you need if you have a business. This is the kind of stuff you. We have both used Square in the past. I was on board with Square from the get go. Our first tour, we used Square to celebrate.

[B]

We've been Square. Yeah, we've been with Square for ages. Hanging with Square.

[A]

What? And you're a Square. But all the poke place that I go to Square and it's the best poke place around.

[B]

Is there a pokey place named Pokemon? Because that could be.

[A]

Square is a platform behind the scenes of so many businesses that you're already going to and enjoying. Doesn't matter what it is. It's point of sale. It doesn't matter what the business is. Point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go. Software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights, and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. It's fast, it's smart, it's transparent. It's built for how people run businesses. It's very. It makes everything super easy. So you're gonna do it even if.

[B]

It'S that latter business we were talking about.

[A]

That's right. So if you're starting in, if you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools. Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. And right now you can get up to $200 off square [e-mail] godelup that's s q u a r e.com go dollop. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Gareth the Dollop is also brought to you by Nutrafol. Nutrafol, of course, is a. It is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. And it is also the number one selling hair growth supplement brand. We both use it. Why shaved? I shaved my head so I'm not using anything right now. But you use it and your hair looks. Your hair looks better. I do still take it.

[B]

I think it's healthier. I think the thing is that since it's dermatologically maybe a word, you know, it caters to that. That's where, that's where your hair is coming from. So it's like that's. It's not a hair issue, it's a skin issue. They've not signed off on me.

[A]

No. You're babbling like a madman. We're just trying to say.

[B]

Just a fan. You take it every day.

[A]

You should take it every day.

[B]

I do.

[A]

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[B]

It's been no drama.

[A]

I'll attest to your. No. Your sexual performance is as strong as it's ever been.

[B]

Stronger.

[A]

Yeah. I've been using it for years now. A couple years at least. My hair, when I had hair was lush and full and people would make comments about it. It was hair stylist, my mom noticeable.

[B]

That I started taking it.

[A]

That's right. That's what happened. My hair looked so good that Garrett started taking it and then I shaved my head. I don't know why. It's winter. It was a dumb idea.

[B]

It's coming back.

[A]

So. Yeah. So we really recommend it. Free shipping up to 20% savings and a complimentary headspace membership included.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

So look, skip the shortcuts and see thicker and stronger hair in three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to neutrophil.com and enter the promo code the Dollop, find out why Neutral is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code the dollop. That's neutrophil.com promo code, the dollop. Yeah. In 1978, Derek, as well as the band's bass player both quit because of Ted just being a dick.

[B]

That's fine. I could play the bass, too. I'm gonna do the whole band. I'm gonna Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins.

[A]

This moment began Ted's steady decline. So he was never big again without Derek and the other guy. They were. They were together, the band. And then he got rid of the band, and now he's just so.

[B]

It sounds like you might have ego issues.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of like. And now he's in his Chinese democracy era. At the time, he was still one of America's favorite top rock acts. But Ted would never see crowds or album sales like Cat Scratch Fever again. And without a wife or a band, Ted began to spiral. In his time of despair, he found salvation in the arms of a woman. Well, not a woman. I said woman. He found salvation in the arms of an underage teenage girl. 10 of the thing for underage girls. He was very open about it, especially in his jail bait song. Song. Oh, did you ask for the lyrics? No. Oh, I think you did.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, I don't care if you're just 13. You look too good to be true. I just know that you're probably clean. There's one little thing I gotta do to you. It's quite all right. I asked your mama. Wait a minute, Officer. Don't put those handcuffs on me. Put them on her and I'll share her with you.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

How we doing?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Do not like. Do you not like lyrics? Because those.

[B]

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. I mean, Katie. Katie be put away for that.

[A]

That's an admission that's insane.

[B]

Well, that's crazy. Oh, there's. I don't even want to go through it. But just like I know you're clean.

[A]

The clean thing has now come up twice. It's in Wang Bang Sweet poontang. Which I think Elton John covered. And it's also in jail bait. So, man, there's so many levels to how gross this is, but that I don't know where to go with it. But it's just like, just the fact that this is a hit song.

[B]

So I know people, the people are going around singing it.

[A]

It's just so insane.

[B]

Now. We, it's just we. I mean, we're mad at that. And then it's like the president, you know, is obviously.

[A]

Yeah, well, our president is also. Yeah, he probably had this. The lyrics on his wall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In an interview on the.

[B]

Howard, we know she's clean.

[A]

In an interview on the Howard Stern show later, Courtney Love claimed that she was coerced into giving Ted a blowjob when she was 12.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

What is that Young.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

She said it was before she entered puberty. She's like, I didn't have boobs yet. Years later, she went back on the show and said she was 14.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[A]

Okay. But she also said there were also. There was also a line of teenage girls waiting to do the same thing.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And then there was pele Masa, a 17 year old Hawaiian girl. Ted's 30. And he described her as, quote, a dream, a fantasy, an exotic fantasy. Looking back on it, Paley said, quote, even back in the wild 70s, it wasn't a terribly appropriate situation. And now it would be criminal, I.

[B]

Believe then it would be criminal, wouldn't it?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

What were the laws?

[A]

And I think it was younger then. I think you. There was. There's definitely a lot of. A lot of the ages have been moved up. But there was a big younger thing for a while. Yeah, but look, there were a ton of 70s rock stars, 80s having sex with teenage girls. David Bowie, Jimmy Page, Steven Tyler, Bill Wyman of the Stones, Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger. So all. Allegedly all. But you know, the girls have come out and said, yeah, I had sex with them when I was a teenager.

[B]

Well, that's cool. Well, that's good to hear that. Well, that's cool.

[A]

But yeah, unlike. Unlike those guys, Ted couldn't really blame it on drugs or alcohol because he'd been preaching against drugs and drinking.

[B]

They were drunk. So you can't listen to the Rolling Stones because their statute.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Yes, yes. That was close.

[A]

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, he can't actually because that's. He struggled with drugs and alcohol throughout the entire 80s.

[B]

Okay, well, here's what we just all have to start listening To Ted Nugent again. And that won't be so bad, because then we get the Rolling Stones, too.

[A]

Oh, Ted public admitted, publicly admitted to several liaisons with underage girls, but the authorities never once went after room. Part of the reason why is that the girl's parents wanted some of Ted's money and fame.

[B]

So what he would like.

[A]

Well, Pele's mother signed paperwork to make Ted her legal guardian.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[A]

What's up? Hey, what's up?

[B]

Hey, what's up? Hey, buddy. Good. How about that? How about you, Dave Anthony? Go yourself. He had paper.

[A]

I mean, imagine adopted. Or she could have sex with her.

[B]

Oh, my God. Mick Jagger never did that.

[A]

No, he didn't. Although I think Wyman did, but. Well, Wyman married her when she was really. But whatever.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

At the same time, Ted is doubling down on his caveman act on stage. He is now wearing a leather loincloth and swinging around on ropes like Tarzan.

[B]

Just like all good musicians, just like Jimi Hendrix did before him. Talented guitar players do that sort of stuff. So, what, he's Gallagher, the rock star?

[A]

Yeah, basically Tarzan. At one show in California, Ted rented an army tank and cruised around the parking lot while fans lined up at the entrance.

[B]

What are we. What is this place?

[A]

He's like. He's like. He's like, America the guy.

[B]

Yes. Right? Yes, he is. Yeah, he is.

[A]

He's totally America the guy.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

He's like. He's like, what if you could take 20, 26America and put it into one? Dude.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Ted Nugent.

[B]

Yes. Oh.

[A]

Also, I think a tank in a parking lot would completely tear up the asphalt.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Absolutely.

[A]

Destroy it.

[B]

Yeah. That's fine, though. Yeah, that's fine. By the way, I think your metaphor only sticks harder. Well, we can't use any of this now, but I had a good time.

[A]

He once got his head, his huge head of hair stuck in a pulley system as he was being lowered down from the ceiling and 140ft in the air down to the stage, and he had to rip out a massive chunk of his hair. Or, quote, I'd have plummeted to the ground and died. Oh, what? What? Look, we. Why can't that happen?

[B]

I know.

[A]

Why can't this be a story about that? Like, this is small up then. Like, I do it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

This guy.

[B]

This guy. You never heard of him. His hair got caught in a bullet and he died at a tarp.

[A]

We did do a Billy Squire small.

[B]

Up on the picture, but this is so great. Oh, man. Oh, it'd be awesome just being at that show. That was a weird entrance, man. Hey, what's going on? Sorry. Ted Nugent is dead. The show is over.

[A]

Another thing Ted liked to do on stage was he would writhe around on the floor like he's in pain and complain that there's so much out there and he won't be able to eat it all. It's just like. It's just so dumb. Like, it's just so dumb actually causing me physical pain. We get it, bro. Yeah, we get it, buddy.

[B]

We get it.

[A]

We get it.

[B]

Yep, we get it. Yeah, you're horny. What do you.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Got any songs? I just can't wait. I just wish I. I wish I could just get out there and go mouth to box all day. Christ, it's been two hours. When's he gonna play a song?

[A]

I mean, this would be like. Like, as comedians, this would be like. If there's a guy like Andrew Schultz who's popular.

[B]

Excuse me, I'm here for Dalia. But you're gonna. Watch yourself, my king. Watch yourself.

[A]

Andrea Moore has the greatest joke about him. It's that he looks like if he's, like, the result of a Nazi and. And his.

[B]

As captive.

[A]

It was captive.

[B]

He's both.

[A]

So obviously, critics now are getting very bored and annoyed and think it's dumb. You can imagine.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Ted's mouth was starting to get louder than his guitar. But things are about to go from bad to. In 1980, after years of sold out arena tours and major album sales, Ted discovered he was broken. If you can imagine a guy like this not keeping track of his money, can you imagine? He seems like he'd be such a financially astute gentleman.

[B]

Well, ted, you've adopted 30 daughters.

[A]

He had a net worth of negative $300,000.

[B]

Nice. So he is America.

[A]

He is totally America. He's a month or two away from losing his house, his cars, his guitars, and every personal possession that he owns.

[B]

Usa, baby.

[A]

Ted's business associates were investing his money in things like mink farms to make fur coats. Well. And Clydesdale horses to do, I don't know, pull the Budweiser sleigh. Like, that's the only thing that they do.

[B]

They stopped the campaign, but we also put all that money in polar bears for coke.

[A]

Ted's response to all this? Get in the studio and record a wheel. A weird as hell song about having sex called Wango Tango.

[B]

I think I've heard that one.

[A]

Yeah. That was a Yeah. I think this is a kind of hit. He got on the road becomes a minor hit. Pinging 86 on the billboard.

[B]

Man, he loved minor hits.

[A]

So this is when I'm in heist. I think I'm a freshman. And. And he. I went to, like, one because we had this tower records was thing. They were. They had like a bin of dollar rock shirts.

[B]

Oh, shirts. Okay.

[A]

And so I just grabbed them. I know. I like, I was just, like, hilarious. And I put it on and I kept it. I had it like, I never wore it. I had it as, like, a joke or whatever. And then there was a flood, and I got super soaked. And that was the only shirt I had in my locker for some reason. And I had to wear it because that was, like, soaking wet. And I had to switch shirts. And then I. For, like, six months, my nickname was wango tango.

[B]

Oh. Oh, boy.

[A]

Really rough, rough. And I. I don't think I knew the song.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Like, at all.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

But then tragedy strikes. Ted's ex wife, sandra, who's the mother of the two children that he cares about, drove drunk and crashed her car, and she died.

[B]

Oh, dear.

[A]

Ted stepped up and became more of a father to the kids for, you know, a while.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And then he went back on the road and had pele care for the kids. She's like, a decade younger than the mom.

[B]

I'm your mom, daughter, sister.

[A]

I mean, she's got to be like, 23 or something. So she raises the kids as though they are her own. And the kids love her like a mother figure. So I think the kids are lucky that she was around.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Meanwhile, ted was absolutely mowing through teenage girls. He used the fact that he and pele weren't married as an excuse to resort to, in his words, quote, alternative flesh management. Yeah. And I found a new saying. Alternative flesh management. How rad am I? Attorney flesh management. I'm so cool. Dude. In 1988.

[B]

What a dumb identity.

[A]

It's so dumb.

[B]

What an absolute, ridiculously dumb hook.

[A]

Yeah. The whole everything.

[B]

He's the guy. Like, if you want to be a rock star, and you a bunch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like, rock star.

[A]

It's rock star.

[B]

But to be like, oh, I think about it, talk about it. Rockabat is it? And by the way, they're kids. Cool.

[A]

All right, man.

[B]

Did you get Ted's new album?

[A]

Right on. It's called teens.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's called no womb. I got room.

[A]

Oh. So in 1988, Pele leaves him.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

So she spent 10 years with this. My girlfriend, daughter left Pele quote. He lost his first wife to his infidelities. He lost me. And the people who really get hurt.

[B]

Are the children that he's dating.

[A]

He admitted that he gave her STDs in a behind the Music episode. Cool. I feel like once you do that, the marriage should be over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Multiple times.

[B]

I don't know. Your only move in that situation is to just go with the you cheated.

[A]

But of course, he is the no condom guy. He probably has so many kids out there from like 16 year old girls who got pregnant and just didn't want to ever say anything. It's Ted's baby. Like, oh, yeah, come on. And then you. And then you get a little older and like, oh my God, I don't want my kids knowing that Ted's the father. He's out there. Wang bang, sweet poon tanging. Like, that's not a good dad figure. It only took Ted a few months to find the next love of his life. A young radio reporter named Shimane Diesel. They got married in Vegas after dating for just three or four months. Ted's best man was Kurt Russell, who just lost respect for Kurt Russell.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Kurt Russell. Hollywood Kurt, you just blew it.

[B]

Kurt, now renounce this.

[A]

So I had to look him up after this. And he is a big second amendment guy. Oh, not so much like maga, like not, but like big second amendment libertarian dude. But I think he doesn't like the like maga.

[B]

Well, he's probably out on what's happening.

[A]

He like, he like makes fun of Republican people in Hollywood and Democrats in Hollywood.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is kind of what we do.

[B]

Yeah, Kurt, if you'd like to be on a pastimes, say the word.

[A]

But either way, being Ted's best man is a real black market.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He was a human.

[B]

That ain't great, my guy.

[A]

They quickly had a child, a boy named Rocco Winchester Nugent.

[B]

Terrible.

[A]

And as soon as Ted had what looked like domestic bliss, he felt the road calling again. He formed a super group of sorts. Tommy Shaw from Sticks.

[B]

Let me know when we the super group starting.

[A]

There you go. Jack Blades of Night Ranger.

[B]

So who. Who are we gonna get for the super group?

[A]

And Michael Cartelion later of Leonard Skynyrd, the po. The second Skinner.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

And they're single. So this was. I think this is Damn Yankees, which is maybe the worst rock and roll band I think there's ever.

[B]

Careful, careful, careful, careful.

[A]

There's second. Their second single, High Enough went All the way to number three on the Billboard charts.

[B]

Band.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, how does that one go?

[A]

I don't know. You gotta bring it up.

[B]

That's how much I don't care.

[A]

Number three became the most popular song of Ted's entire career. He keeps having amazing opinions, like saying that South African apartheid wasn't, quote, that. Cut and dry, boy.

[B]

By the way, by the way, by the way. How do we. That now?

[A]

Liberal. How do we hit. How do we not hit bottom till now?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Like, how do you like the. Jesus Christ, dude.

[B]

God. Even honestly weighing in on apartheid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you doing?

[A]

It's like the early 90s. And he's like, wait, what do you do? Shut the. It's. We're not talking about. We're not talking about the 80s. He said this in the 90s when it's very clear that it's really bad.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, honestly. And then you gotta look at Mandela as A. At 2. Who is he kidding?

[A]

In 1993, Ted pulled a stunt where he shot Flaming.

[B]

Where he existed.

[A]

Shot flaming arrows on stage.

[B]

This dude should have died.

[A]

Yeah. And that got him arrested and fined for flagrant violation of the fire code.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It's the flaming arrow inside. It's actually bad.

[B]

Showing up at his door and be like, oh, it's because of all that disgusting sexual stuff.

[A]

No.

[B]

Fire is no joke. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?

[A]

Ted said the whole ordeal exposed, quote, an embarrassing, shallow attitude toward people like myself who really support law and order.

[B]

So he is like a lot of these.

[A]

Yes. Like, a lot of them.

[B]

I. Whatever I do is actually my ideology. And I'm right about everything.

[A]

And it's totally. It should be fine. And because I. Because I did it, I back the blue. So I should be able to shoot flaming arrows. And kids. Yep. Why can't I?

[B]

Well, Ted, in the future, you'll be able to.

[A]

He did, however, say that all cops liked him. And then he handed out over 100 autographs during his time in jail. Probably 100. True. Yep. He spent part of that time with this opener, Jesse James Dupree from the band Jackal, who was popped for misdemeanor public indecency after he pulled down his pants on stage even though he covered his penis with the guitar. What have we become?

[B]

All right, hold on.

[A]

You can't even take your dick out and put your guitar in front of it.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

I think that's okay too.

[B]

Yeah. All right. There we go. See we're not just. We're not just Lib pill.

[A]

I watched the Chili Peppers years ago.

[B]

Like, and you can see their dicks.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Thank God.

[A]

At the same time, Ted, Imagine being in that band.

[B]

Tiny Dick. Hey, I'll probably just do shorts. I'll do. I'll do jorts. No, we're all gonna put socks on our. I'll do overalls. I'll do. I'll be kind of the he. I'll be a straight man.

[A]

I'll.

[B]

I'll dress up like a security guard. Got to go like, hey, now, wait a minute.

[A]

Put those.

[B]

Socks are for feet, not for thing.

[A]

We're all in socks. That's the thing.

[B]

I just think that that's going to.

[A]

Be right on our dicks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they hang off.

[B]

But you need a straight man. Someone who's got the POV of the rest of the world. And I think that's what I'll do. I'll. I'll get up there and I'll. How about this? I already said it. I'll put. I'll come out in shorts, and I'll have socks on my feet. And while you got. Every time there's a break, I'll just say into the mic. Pretty sure that socks are for feet, boys.

[A]

No, it's not the vibe we're going.

[B]

For, because I think at the. At the end of the day, I think the whole thing is that, you know, it. Three. Very funny. And then one who's sort of. Hey, kind of pointing. I think that's so important.

[A]

Let's just. Let's just do this. Let's just put on. Put on the sock right now.

[B]

I'll put them on my feet, and we'll take it.

[A]

No, on your dick. And we'll take a look at. We'll take a look at how it looks.

[B]

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it, I got it. I got it. I'll put the sock on my balls, and then I'll hold my penis. I'll hold my penis. I'll do. I'll be. Oh, my God. That way it is a pretty consistent look. And I'll just have my balls jammed into it because I have big balls and a big dick. But I just still think, aesthetically, we're probably going to want a ball. We're going to want a guy to have his balls in the sock. Well, you guys have your dicks in the sock, and there's one guy with his. With his balls in the sock. Think about that. I think that's awesome. Flea, you want to back me up here?

[A]

No. You're out of the band.

[B]

Oh, okay. How about this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm quitting the band because of this.

[A]

Over the sock.

[B]

I'm telling you, I'd love to jam my balls in a sock. And then we could just put some tape on my penis.

[A]

Can I ask that you stop saying that? Jam my balls in a sock.

[B]

I would love to place my balls and penis in the sock, and then my penis will be out of the sock. Guys, guys, guys. I know we're a rebellious group of young, wild funk masters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I just think we're gonna not want. I. I think it'll age pretty poorly. And I'm right because Anthony ends up with a 17 year old.

[A]

At the same time, Ted was producing animal snuff films of him killing deer, bison, and other game with his bow and arrow.

[B]

This guy's awesome.

[A]

This caught the ire of animal rights activists, who made him a major target of their vitriol. But Ted defended the spiritual nature of the hunt. Quote, when you high five and dance around a dead animal, that's a prayer in its own way.

[B]

I mean, this is okay.

[A]

A clip of VH1's behind the Music shows Ted eating the meat of an animal he killed and screaming, celebrate the flesh.

[B]

He sure did.

[A]

He says hunting gives him full predator spiritual erection.

[B]

It's exhausting. He is.

[A]

He's an exhausting exhaust. He's just a idiot. September of 1996, Ted installed a radio station on his ranch and began broadcasting a show for a local Detroit rock station. In the late 90s, Ted made a chunk, a big chunk of money from his image as an outdoorsman. So this is money like ships. So the music is just kind of dead, Right. And now he's moving to this new thing. He owned a hunting supply store. He produced almost a dozen animal killing documentaries in a series called Ted Nugent, Spirit of the Wild. He used the videos to proselytize his new theory that hunting brings families together. And our society's turn away from hunting has led to our downfall.

[B]

We are living in Ted.

[A]

We are living.

[B]

We are living. We are living in Ted Nugent's version of what he wanted. We now have no care for the environment, and pedophilia is basically okay.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So there you go, Ted. How's it looking?

[A]

He focused on the next generation, taking Make a Wish kids on trips to kill deer.

[B]

I wanted to meet Shaq.

[A]

I know I'm gonna die.

[B]

We're gonna kill a rare Rhino. This is a zoo. Hold on a minute. We're gonna shoot a chip with an Uzi. I'm sorry to hear about your bones.

[A]

And he started a hunting program called Ted Nugent's Camp for Kids, enrolling children as young as three. Ted, quote, wherever you find a graduate of Ted Nugent's Camp for Kids, you won't find any gangs, you won't find any substance abuse, and you won't be worried about which nipple to pierce this week, because instead they get high on Dynamo hunting trip that ain't available downtown. You. You. I'm nude. It's just. It's just. Just. It's just. It's a level of dumb that is so hard.

[B]

If we. If we can leave one lesson behind of the past 50 years, it's this prosecute in jail.

[A]

All the guys banging kids, all the.

[B]

Kid bangers gotta go.

[A]

Let's put the kid bangers in jail.

[B]

All the. All the enormous, selfish, psychotic criminals need to be put away. Yeah, that's it.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Because if you leave them out, boy, there's a big group of losers who are going to make it an ideology. And you let that fester long enough, it's going to become the mainstay. I.

[A]

So in his behind the Music, which is in 1998, you watched it. I remember watching at the time, and it's the time I totally turned on him because I knew. I knew he had. I knew about the becoming a legal guardian of Pele, and I knew certain things, but that's when it really cemented me for how fucked up I was. And I might be wrong about this because I didn't watch this for this, but I just have a recollection. And it could have been from something else, but his daughters are there and they're older and he's brought home like a fucking 14 year old or something. And they have to try to get her out of there. What? Yeah, I could be wrong. Well, yeah, it's part of the. When they're interviewing the daughters and stuff. But he's. Or it could be another thing I'm thinking about. It could not be behind these. It could, but I remember this really cementing, like, this is one of the craziest things I've ever seen.

[B]

That's behind the age you're thinking of. That's a different show. He did a lot of those.

[A]

Well, on behind the Music, he admits to having sex with multiple underage girls and his wife's daughters have to get this young girl away. That's just What I remember. So I could be wrong. I might have to watch it again. But I definitely saw that at one point. I saw a documentary thing where there's a. He's brought home a young girl and the teenage daughter's like, yeah, we got to get her out of here.

[B]

That is so crazy.

[A]

He took his same showman, shock guy, idiot facade he used in Rock to be to being an outdoorsman. So it's the same shock. Dumb. In 2000, he hosted a hunting event on his land in Michigan, charging hunters to partake in what he called rape of the hills.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

What. What a. What a great. Yeah, like, as a hunter, what a great message.

[B]

Well, yeah, of course. And you are also like, kid law enforcement. I mean, he's basically confessing to all.

[A]

This, but law enforcement, love him. My. My. My cousin is like the head of, like, he might even be more than just Idaho now, but he's like wildlife, you know, head BLM type guy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he goes out and hunts, and he'll be like, there's too many bears right now. We literally have to thin the herd or they're gonna start getting sick and shit. Yeah. Like, that's what hunting kind of is for. That's why they give licenses and you can't kill a bunch. It's. It's to. To keep everything in order.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because their predators are not around like they used to be. So it's a. It's a thing.

[B]

But you know what? I support hunting men.

[A]

Hunting men. But this is like rape of the hunting hunters. Rape of the hills is like the opposite of everything. Yeah.

[B]

That.

[A]

Those kind of hunters think it's just like, fucking crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But again, all he cares about is shock. Yeah.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And it works.

[B]

And again, he has to keep outdoing it over and over again so that he stays relevant.

[A]

Yeah. And he has a 34 acre Jesse.

[B]

Waters with a guitar.

[A]

Yes. He has a 34 acre ranch with high fenting. So the animals are fenced in.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[A]

Of course people are offended by all this, which created more attention and he got even more.

[B]

Yeah. Then he's got more like, I'm sorry. That I believe in the founding fathers.

[A]

And then people are signing up and he's making money. Right. And then he gets into even more attention when he gets in an altercation with protesters in San Francisco. They're in front of a Neiman. Neiman Marcus store in Union Square. They're protesting fur, and Ted just happens to show up.

[B]

By the way, Ted also hates fur.

[A]

We're not going there A protester asked him when he was going hunting next and Ted said he might hunt the protesters. So they're arguing and then Ted spits on the protesters and then he grabs the main guy and then he tells cops the protester had bumped him and threatened his life. So cops, nice cops arrest the protester, but then the attorney, I mean the district attorney looks at the video from the store and it shows Ted is completely lying and the charges are dropped. For some reason, he's not arrested.

[B]

I was just gonna say, I mean the charges should be reversed.

[A]

Yes, they should be reversed, but he doesn't get arrested. Quote, Carl Goldman, a member of the Coalition to Abolish the Fur Trade, said police were star struck during the incident. Taking Ted's word over the protesters.

[B]

Really big fans.

[A]

The way, the way that you want to you sing about banging like 13 year olds is so amazing.

[B]

We, we got to change that law.

[A]

Ted had a few shortlived reality shows, including one where he sliced his leg open with a chainsaw and needed 40 stitches. Man, not to get. California game wardens are watching his show Spirit of the Wild and then watch as he violates several state hunting laws. Quote, we looked at it and just shook our heads saying I can't believe he actually aired this episode. Wow. In the show, Ted constantly railed against poachers and other wildlife criminals. And he gets charged with 11 violations including using deer bait and shooting an underage male deer.

[B]

Well, surprised you didn't try to it.

[A]

I thought you used bait. Two years later, he pleaded guilty to violating Alaska's hunting laws. He had killed. He had a license to kill a bear.

[B]

What a weird. So it's not like a hunting like you're allowed one bear, Ted.

[A]

Well, that's what they do. If you get a bear license, you can kill one bear. That's season. And, and there's a waiting list for getting a bear license. Like it's like a big deal because they don't let you kill that many bears.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he has a license to kill a bear, but he just wounds it and it gets away. That means you're done. That was your bear. You shot a bear. Even if it got away, it's your up.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

That's it. So he kills another bear. He's fined $10,000 and put on two years probation. Cares. His mouth has long since eclipsed his music with his fame and notoriety coming from espousing shock jock style right wing filth like calling Obama a sub human mongrel or comparing people on the left to rabid coyotes and telling the audience to, quote, keep your gun handy and every time you see one, shoot one other all time. Great quotes. What's a feminist? A fat pig who doesn't get it often enough when he, he once claimed fat chicks will kill you. His thoughts on immigration. Quote, we should put razor wire around our borders and give the finger to any piece of. He wants to come here. He called 13 year old Trayvon Martin, who was murdered for walking in Florida, a gangsta wannabe, and said critics were angry because he was, quote, blacker than they are.

[B]

Man, that is, that is quite a run there.

[A]

At a show in la, he held two fake machine guns over his head and yelled, quote, Obama, he's a piece of. And I told them to suck on my machine gun. And then I was in New York and I said, hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless. That's a crime.

[B]

Yeah, it's also that, you know, like this is the same, it's freedom of speech, like that's the whole thing and you shroud yourself in that. But this, you letting this sort of culturally fester, right. Results in a lot of lost idiots thinking that this is cool and all. Right.

[A]

And this isn't what free speech was for.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, it was. So you could, you could take a stance against the government that you don't.

[B]

Believe even then he, he has his right to say anything, but if he's like, if he's like holding guns. And by the way, he is also a statutory rapist 100 times over.

[A]

Just amazing proportion. He's like our all time greatest statutory rapist.

[B]

Yeah, right. So like, you know, that, that, you know, it really does shock you the amount of people that are into that stuff like that younger, like younger women. Crazy.

[A]

It's crazy to me.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

And of course he said, quote, anybody that doesn't think it is better to blow someone's brains out than be raped deserves to be raped. If you don't think your life is worth it, then please go out there.

[B]

Say that one more time.

[A]

Anybody who doesn't think it is better to blow someone's brains out than be raped deserves to be raped. If you don't think your life is worth it, then please go out there, don't wear any underpants and get raped because you deserve it. This is from a rapist. A rapist is saying, yeah, a rapist.

[B]

That's just crazy.

[A]

He's also written several books including God, Guns and Rock and Roll by Ted Nugent. Of course he Starts his book with a Bible passage.

[B]

See, that's the thing. It's like, oh, disavow him.

[A]

Wow. The Bible passages quote every morning, every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you.

[B]

Including ted Nugent, Genesis 9, 3.

[A]

Then there's a passage about the writing style of the book. Quote this book by the hard driving, hard loving, full throb and high octane.

[B]

Deer slamming underage girls. And he's like, sorry that I got a big hardcock and I'm a machine for kids. What are you doing? Sorry. I won't apologize for what I do.

[A]

Full throbbing, high octane deer slaying all things scare and ballistic. Guitar boy nugetizes the English language.

[B]

I'm trying to think of like, like, who in my life. I've. If there's anyone, the, if there's someone who does abhorrent, you're like, oh, all right, I'm out. It's just how it is. Yeah, you just, you go, yeah. So why, why would he have a fan?

[A]

I mean, like, okay, Woody Allen, I'm out.

[B]

You're out.

[A]

Like, there's so many people. I'm just like, oh, I don't need your music. I love the band Cracker. Like, I love them. That guy made some of those craziest genocidal comments and I was like, david Lowry just said the worst. And I'm out. Like, I, I love that band, but I'm never gonna listen to it again.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

But that's, I'm not just saying. That's way down the list.

[B]

Like, okay, yeah, and I agree. But I mean, if you heard someone you liked being like, yeah, it's all about 14 year olds all the time because they got a big hard cack and be like, what?

[A]

You're, you're what all these conservative guys loves them, love them. And you're just like, so you're, you're cool with statutory rape. Like, you're totally down with it. Like, this is your guy because he, because he can shoot a deer.

[B]

Like, because you have things that. That is, that's exactly right. Because that's what it is. And that's what it is with Trump. It's. Look, I agree with him on some stuff. So I hang in there for the dark stuff. And it's like, no, you actually have to throw that out and find a new idol. Sorry. That's it. That is a. That's it. Because we are at the breaking point where you have to decide if you are going to allow the powerful to rape young.

[A]

Well, you can see what happens when you allow a bunch of fucking pedophiles to run shit.

[B]

It's not an isolated view.

[A]

It's not at all. And it turns out they do other bad stuff.

[B]

Yeah, shockingly.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

I mean, that is shocking shit.

[A]

It really is.

[B]

And again, this is not Michael Jackson. We're not talking about, like, hey, he was a hit machine. It's tough. If it comes on the radio, I don't know what to do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

This is. This guy.

[A]

He's garbage.

[B]

He's trash.

[A]

He's like human garbage.

[B]

Softballiest softball of all time to have to quit. Ted Nugent music. What the.

[A]

Or show.

[B]

Or show. Whatever.

[A]

You can't find another hunter that you can't find.

[B]

Look, there's a ton of dipshits who don't rape children. Trust me, you will find them.

[A]

Well, okay, so. In 2007, Ton unveiled the monument to his mother and said, quote, I didn't change the lyrics to Wang.

[B]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm gonna need you to take a minute because I want that. From the top, clean.

[A]

In 2007, Ted Nugent unveiled the monument to his mother.

[B]

Monument should be called.

[A]

And said, quote, I didn't change the lyrics to Wang Dang Sweet Poontang or anything, but I was constantly reminded of her presence to always take the high road and be a gentleman at all costs. What the.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[A]

But the thing is, is he's the kind of guy that believes this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, this is. This is.

[A]

There.

[B]

There is this. This delusion. I mean, that's just. With all that, he said to also call it the high road.

[A]

It's just crazy.

[B]

What are you talking about? Isn't your whole thing the low road? And you're, like, into it, and that's, like, your identity and ideology. But honestly, fair is fair. You got to be a nice guy.

[A]

And my mom was a good mom.

[B]

You got to be a nice guy.

[A]

And I followed what she said.

[B]

That's why I made a statue of my mom, by the way. Another red flag. Mom statues.

[A]

It's not good.

[B]

That's bad.

[A]

Ted became eligible for the Rock and Roll hall of Fame in the year 2000, but has not been abducted. Oh, he's never getting it. He's never getting it, by the way.

[B]

I wish. I wish they would do it and he would be abducted.

[A]

He's publicly complained about it, saying, quote, is it or is it not vulgar, dishonest, and obscene that the Grandmaster Flash, Patti Smith, and Abba Are in the Rock of Roll Hall. Rock and Roll hall of Fame. But Ted Nugent isn't. Is that the most outrageous and disgusting lie you've ever seen? No, it's completely. No, no. You.

[B]

You've got a bunch of them.

[A]

You're. You were a bunch of them. Musician.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Awful.

[B]

Yeah. Well, and also, let's be honest, you come. You've been pretty clear about what you do.

[A]

What are they gonna play jail? Like, because. So when you get.

[B]

Yeah, all the.

[A]

All the. Like is. Is Springsteen gonna come out with. With McCartney and played jail Bait.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And wang Bait.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right, so do you guys know all the lyrics? You guys know what I'm talking about? I felt like I was in heaven because I porked her at 11.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Paul, why are you getting.

[A]

Republican? Greg Abbott had Ted come on his campaign stops with him when he ran for governor in 2014. Because it's always best to have a teenage girl rapist with you when you run for governor of Texas. He won the election. Ted currently has a podcast where he'll debate basically anyone who pays attention to him. His son is now a vegan.

[B]

I'll bet he bangs over 18 exclusively, too.

[A]

Ted believes vegans are responsible for the most death because farmers use tractors that kill more animals.

[B]

What?

[A]

He's lost his hearing in one ear, but sadly, Ted Nugent is not dead yet.

[B]

I don't think he's ever heard how old.

[A]

I don't know. What. Let me go back and see. What man born. He's born in 48.

[B]

Okay, so he's 70s. Yeah, he's late 70s.

[A]

Yeah, he's up there. Josh Androski wrote this.

[B]

Jesus Christ. So Josh had to watch the behind the Music.

[A]

He was. So I asked him to do another rock person right after. He's like, can I have a different subject? He was just so, like, please. Something not.

[B]

I'm tired. I'm hurting.

[A]

This heart, this harm my soul. Sources VH1 behind the Music, LA Times, God, Gun and Rock and Roll by Ted Nugent. AmericanSongWriter.com Texas Monthly, Reno Gazette Journal, Far Out Magazine, SF Gate, McClatchy, Serge, SergActivism.org FactRepublic.com and the Morning Dallas Morning News.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Like, how did you lose an election to Greg Abbott who ran against him?

[A]

I mean.

[B]

If you saw Ted Nugent sitting there, wouldn't you just be like, hey, this guy's like, this is what this guy said.

[A]

That fucking. That. That, like, state sailed a while ago.

[B]

I know. Never. You saw Ted Cruz took off again. I mean, every time there's a, he's like, every time there's a storm, he's like, where's warm? What are you doing there? Literally, what the is happening in Texas? What are you doing? Jesus Christ. And I'm not saying California has its together. There are a lot of problems.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm not saying, like, Florida, you know, not good, but Texas, what are you doing?

[A]

I know you're big, but I'm not that big.

[B]

Hey, what's up, doll heads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Doll up, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give it up and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to GiveItUpFilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening, so go to GiveItUpFilm.Com Also, if you like stand up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland February 6th and February 7th, three shows that night. Then I'll be at flappers in Burbank, February 21, Bakersfield, February 27 for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21, Bricktown comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22, Dallas, Texas, April 23, Tyler, Texas, April 24, Finally, Houston, April 25, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City April 26 and then San Antonio April 28 and Tucson April 29. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. But also if you want to go see my movie and you're in the san Jose area, giveitupfilm.com.