← The Doula Darcy Podcast
The Doula Darcy Podcast
Claim the Life you Want and Build the Business to Match it with Amber Lilyestrom
00:47:30
Want to meet the Business Coach Behind the The Doula Business Coach? What happens when your business coach becomes one of your strongest cheerleaders and biggest expanders? In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain and inviting you into a...
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- [00:04]
A
Welcome to the Doula Darcy Podcast. I'm your host, Darcy, a business coach for Doulas and I love helping my fellow doulas master the art of marketing so that they can grow their businesses and help more families. On the podcast, I combine my decade of experience in Advertising with 14 years as a doula to empower other doulas with the marketing strategies and mindset shifts they need to attract more clients and create successful, fulfilling doula careers. Whether you're just starting out as a doula or you're looking to take your doula business to the next level, you're in the right place. Let's go.
- [00:47]
B
Okay Doulas, I'm so excited to share with you our amazing guest on the Doula Darcy Podcast today. Today I am chatting with my business coach Amber Lillistrom. I have been working one on one with AM Amber for the past three years and it has been nothing short of transformative. I don't know why it's taken me this long to have her on the podcast, but Amber had a near death experience on the operating table when she was having a C section at the birth of her daughter Ani 12 years ago and that near death experience shifted everything for her. At the time she was working in sports marketing at a local university, working 16 hour days, nights and weekends and this near death experience led her to realize that's not the life she wanted to live now that she was a mom. From that near death experience she said yes to creating the life that she wanted to live. And Amber is a poet. She is a mom of two amazing kids, wife to her husband Ben. She's a business coach, brand strategist and just all around fantastic human being. She is the author of her poetry book Paddle Home. She's the host of the Homeward Podcast. She also wrote the book Master your Money Mind which I mentioned in the episode. I have no exaggeration. Read this book 10 times. I keep it on my nightstand. It has been my bible in terms of changing my own money mindset and that is something Amber and I have done a lot of work together on, so I'm excited to share her with today. She's been featured in Forbes Success Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, Working Mother and so many others. I hope that you enjoy our conversation and just really listen to how Amber's near death experience has led her to create the life she truly wants to live. Amber and how to build the business that will make that happen. That is what Amber has been helping me do for the past three years and I hope that this episode is an inspiration for you to start doing the same. Find her website@amber Lillystrom.com. you can also follow her on Instagram, check out the Homeward podcast and enjoy this episode. All right. Hello, everybody. I am honored and excited to share with you all. My business coach, Amber Lillistrom is here on the podcast today. You can't see us, but we're in matching sweatshirts and we have matching mugs because we're basically the same person. We're total dorks. Total enneagram nines. And we have matching sweatshirts.
- [03:53]
C
Virgos.
- [03:54]
B
Oh, and Virgos. That's the key component right there. That's the ticket. Yes. We're both wearing the sweatshirts that are the Elevate sweatshirts. Amber's Mastermind. And we have Ignite mugs, which is Amber's other program. So, yeah, wearing. I'm wearing all the Amber lilies from Merch today and using all the merch. So thank you for coming on the podcast. Amber and I, this could go so many directions. But I have been working with you for actually, this is probably to the day three years ago.
- [04:29]
C
I think you're right.
- [04:30]
B
I think I should have looked it up that I've been working with you one on one as a coach and I've been following you for years before that. And I was just telling someone else this the other day when I first found you, and I don't even think Instagram was around yet. I think it was Facebook. I found you and I was like, damn, this lady's cool. She lives on a lake and she's like running this online business. Like, I just, I want that freedom. And you've always, from the beginning of your business, been talking about designing, Designing the business to fit your life and not the other way around. I say it so much. Did I just say that right?
- [05:16]
C
Okay.
- [05:16]
B
Yeah. And that I. That's why I was like, I need to follow this lady. And I remember one day, years in, and you were like, I'm just a girl from New Hampshire. Who am I to have this business? And I was like, wait, what? I'm from New Hampshire. I thought you were out in, I don't know, California. Because you. And so it turns out we live like three miles from each other, which is hilarious. But so three years ago, we started one on one coaching. I had already built a business to fit my life, but we have just gone taken that to the next level. And this is what you do. This is what you help women do. And I think the doulas need to Hear this. That we have the permission to build the doula business that we want to build. Like, we don't have to do it the way anyone else is doing it. And everyone, doulas, everybody, that with the Internet. They've all heard me say, we have the power to create whatever the heck we want and do whatever the heck we want. And I just. I. It. I get ex. Not angry, but excited, thinking, like, why aren't you guys doing this yet? Why aren't you out there creating a business that fits your life? And you just said it before we started recording, like, the right sized business. What does that mean to you? A right sized business. Yeah.
- [07:04]
C
You know the part of my story I was working at UNH where we both went to college, Right.
- [07:09]
B
I didn't go to unh.
- [07:10]
C
Wait, where'd you go?
- [07:11]
B
Ithaca College.
- [07:12]
C
Oh, Ithaca. Okay.
- [07:13]
B
New York.
- [07:14]
C
You live five minutes from campus. We just recorded a reel together with my cat on campus. So, you know, oh, my God.
- [07:20]
B
We have to tell that story.
- [07:21]
C
You're basically a Wildcat. You're an honorary Wildcat.
- [07:24]
B
I am, yes.
- [07:24]
C
And I went there, and then I was working there, and I was running all the marketing and all that stuff and shooting T shirt cannons on the field and spinning up corporate deals and just really, like, crushing it as one of the top sport marketing pros in the country. And then I had a baby, and I had quite an experience during her birth, and it really was that wild awake moment of, what am I doing? Cause this isn't how I want this to go. And it set off this cascade of, like, really thinking about, how do I want to do my life now that I am a mother and how do I want to do my career? And it's funny, because I was telling my boss when I was pregnant, oh, yeah, I'm always going to work. And, like, I was so confident that I was, like, definitely going to keep working. How many times have you heard that story? Right?
- [08:14]
B
Oh, that was me. I was like, yeah.
- [08:16]
C
I was like, police. I am like a career woman. And then I'm holding this baby in my arms, and it's no freaking way. There's no way, like, I'm going to work, but not like this.
- [08:26]
B
Yeah.
- [08:27]
C
And so the way my brain works is, like, there has to be a way. And I had been taking notes from other entrepreneurial people that I was inspired by in the fitness industry and just, like, different industries and friends and colleagues, and I was learning, like, behind the scenes. And during my maternity leave, I was really having that existential moment of I don't know how I'm gonna go back and do this. Like leaving this baby, going back to work. This just none of these puzzle pieces are fitting. And so about nine months after Ani was born, I launched my business and I started my coaching company. And the whole time it was like I'm. I obviously couldn't afford childcare. Going from what my salary was to now having this business that I was growing from the ground up. And so I was like, I'm just going to do the nap time hustle and I'm just going to make it work. And so my model from the beginning had to fit because I was a mom first and that was like a top priority for me. And I think one of the things I say all the time is I didn't want to miss the moments I couldn't get a replay on. And I was, I'm grateful that I was so clear on that when Ani was so little because it was just like I did have a front row seat and I was at all the play dates and all the things that I. That were really important to me. So my business has always, from the very beginning, like just had to bend and flex and flow with the rest of my life. I was like unwilling. And I still am to this day. As I was just saying to you before we hit record, I'm like, I've been just like mommy this summer. I have now a 3 year old son and a 12 year old daughter.
- [09:56]
B
Oh my God.
- [09:58]
C
Right? So, yeah, and, and that hasn't changed. I want to have a front row seat. I want to go to music class, I want to do all those things. And so I've had to build my business structurally in a way that is right size for my life and thus have had to figure out all of these mechanical things around pricing and offers and structure and using my calendar and schedule and systems and all this stuff. And it's, it's been such a wonderful challenge, frankly to have like, I feel extremely privileged. And also, I think it's important to say I've also been deeply committed to that and I've upheld it for these last 11 years.
- [10:39]
B
Yes. And I think you worked hard to make that happen. And it. By what I mean, the thing the most about working hard is, and this is one thing I really admire about you, every single day, every day, every month, every year. Your first focus is how do I make this day, this month, this year about my family, which is the most important thing to you.
- [11:12]
C
Yeah.
- [11:13]
B
And a lot of people. But that's your right size business. Other people might have different criteria, but everybody, we all should, in this age of the Internet, be thinking, okay, today it's just like, why is this controversial? Not controversial, but, like, upside down to think, okay, I'm gonna live every day based on what I want the most and build my business based on that, not on what I think everybody else thinks I should do.
- [11:51]
C
And I. So, like, when I had that time, those. It was the first time in my life, Darce. I had three and a half months because I had a C section. So I got, like, a little extension, my maternity leave. And I was working at the university. So it's like, decent benefits as they go in the United States, overseas. You guys are like. You guys are pathetic. We know. We know. We are. Anyway, I had three and a half months. And it was the first time in my entire life, because I had been a Division 1 athlete before that, as a soccer player, that I actually stopped.
- [12:19]
B
Yeah.
- [12:19]
C
Like, I didn't have to email anybody. I didn't have to do any work. The first time my whole entire life. I was 30. I just turned 32. Yeah, that's, like, insane. But anyway, that's another conversation. And I remember just sitting there, like, thinking about the model of what I had signed up for. I was like, why? What? This is bad math. This is a bad design. I'm missing out on what's most important to me. I don't even get to see my family ever. Cause I was working on weekends and nights. My parents are getting older, and I'm missing all of these memories and moments with them. My husband is a police officer, so his schedule's wonky. And we're, like, never together. What? And then I was like. And I did get promoted every two years. Of course I did, because I worked so hard for that in that organization. But there was a ceiling. And I remember this one day, one of my colleagues said to me, after I got my last promotion, he came to my office and he said, you.
- [13:17]
B
Got your last promotion and you weren't even 30 yet? Or barely 30.
- [13:20]
C
Like, my last promotion, that before I left.
- [13:22]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [13:23]
C
And he said. He came to my office, and he goes, congratulations, now settle down and do your job for a little while. And I was like, oh, what? Now it's on? I was like, thank you for that, sir. Thank you for that. Like, it is freaking on. And so that moment, I was like. I just smiled and felt the fire in my veins. And I was like, I am gonna. You watch and I'll tell you, actually this is a cool story. I don't know, maybe a couple years down the road from when I did leave that colleague whom I adore.
- [13:58]
B
P.S.
- [13:59]
C
Like, I love him. He was such an expander for me, and he didn't really realize why he was being an expander in that moment, but definitely. But a couple years later, Ani went there for gymnastics. The gymnastics program.
- [14:10]
B
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [14:11]
C
And I was walking down the hall one day, and I stopped in. Cause he was in his office. I poked my head in, and he was like, hey, what's. Oh, how's it going? It was, like, great little, like, reunion moment. And that day that I was saying hey to him in his office was also the day that I had been featured in Forbes. And my business was at that time I was making. I don't even. I don't even know. I'd had, like, days that I made the amount of money I did in a year, when I worked there, when I left, months, like, very consistently. And I didn't say any of these things to him, but it was like, just inside of myself, I was like, this is pretty baller. Like, I used to sit across the hall and it was like, settle down with your, like, $70,000 salary. That is. Everybody is, like, raising their eyebrows at. In the department. This is so much money. And I'm, like, having to, like, do three people's jobs to get paid that much. And there's. And it's settled down. That's enough now. No, like, I. And this is a bad design. And so I just sat with that Darson. I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go create a new model. I'm gonna go create a new model for my entire life. And you've watched, you've had a front row seat. Like, we bought this house on the lake. We put on an addition. We built a tree house, which is now my, like, retreat center where you guys get to come where my elevate people come. And we have these amazing. That last retreat, I'm still.
- [15:30]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [15:31]
C
I'm like, take me back. It was amazing and fun and just, like, everything that we all needed. And my business has done all of this, like, cash. My business built this with cash.
- [15:44]
B
Yeah.
- [15:45]
C
What world is that? It doesn't cease to be amazing to me.
- [15:49]
B
And your business is you and everybody listening. Our business is us. Like, you. I've heard you say, like, your words built this house that you're living in. And I love thinking like that. And just. God, the freedom that comes with that. The Freedom and the sense of fulfillment that comes with earning what you need to earn, earning more than you need to earn. Based on this is another theme. Just being who you are, tapping into your own skills and ooh, let's talk about that.
- [16:36]
C
Yeah.
- [16:37]
B
Because a lot of doulas struggle. A lot of doulas feel like they were born to be doulas. Like, this is just who they are. They've been raising babies, animals, their whole lives. So it feels weird to accept money for that. P.S. amber wrote a book called Master your money Mind. Is that what it's called? I've read it 10 times. No, no exaggeration. I have. It is on my nightstand. I've read it 10 times, so I should know the title off the top of my head. But so the money mindset around, oh, this is just who I am. I was born to do this. I'm really good at this. And it feels. I'm really good at it. It feels so natural. A lot of doulas get hung up on and blocked at. I shouldn't earn money for this because I'm just being me. What do you say to that?
- [17:29]
C
I just think that it's just strange logic, right?
- [17:31]
B
It's.
- [17:32]
C
It's actually more. It's a money mindset thing. It actually has nothing to do with you being a doula and being. Doing what you want to do.
- [17:38]
B
It's just that if it feels so easy, I can't possibly make money at it because making money has to be hard and you have to work.
- [17:45]
C
That's exactly right. So it's. Let's unpack where your money story comes from. And in master your money mind, there's a chapter called money memory lane. And it takes you down your timeline and has you really look at what are the experiences, the stories, and the. The wiring that you have installed in your hard drive about money. And so when you can extract that. And also just let's really say this lovingly, like it is a personal experience. Every one of us has our own conditioning and our own stories about money. And there's nothing wrong with you that you have a screwed up mindset about money like most of us do, and it's okay. And again, Darcy could tell you this. I love it when people get triggered. I'm just like, ooh, I roll my sleeves up. I'm like, this is so exciting. Because if you're having an emotional experience about something, that means that there's some gold there. There's something to unpack there. And so if this feels tricky for you, or this feels. Oh, gross, whatever. That's a doorway. It's a limitless opportunity that's available to you. The other thing I'll say is we live inside the jar. Like, we can't read our own label, right? So I'm never going to be able to perceive the fullness of who I am as a coach and who I am as, like, a poet and a person in the world in the same way. I can't even perceive, like, who I am to my children as their mother. I can't. I'm not outside. I live in here. The same way that, like, I can look at you and be like, oh, my God, Darcy's so freaking amazing. Like, all the dimensionality. Be like, I see that. But you'll never be able to perceive it in the same way that I perceive you, because you live inside. And so I think it's just a thing to remember that oftentimes we're trying to get the feeling that we have about other people, about ourselves, and it's almost impossible because you're just like, you're never going to be able to actually see your own face without a mirror. So remember that. That's true. And so therefore, you're trying to get this, like, tangible, tactile experience of yourself. Here's my value. When you are, like, limitless in value, you are infinite in value. And people say, I want to get pay what you're worth. I'm like, please don't ever say that again, because that's literally impossible. And the way I counter that is I say to you, okay, tell me which child is your favorite? Okay, so of your kids, yeah, I would like to buy. David, how much would you. How much what? Like, yeah, like a million. Like, 10,000.
- [20:07]
B
Like $10 million.
- [20:09]
C
$10 million. Price tag. That's insane. And be like, okay, here's a $10 million check. Give me your kid. Tell me what mother on the planet depends on the day. Maybe some of us end of the day, if you would like to hang out with him, I would be okay with that. But you get what I'm saying? And so, like, why is that different for your kids but not for you?
- [20:30]
B
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Exactly. Yeah.
- [20:34]
C
So.
- [20:38]
B
There'S so many places we can go here, and I'm trying to choose the best one. But when you are designing, I always tell doulas, not the first step to growing your business is just raising your rates, because I'll bet a hundred dollars you're not charging enough. And that is, like, the first and easiest Way to just make your life easier. But there's resistance there for a lot of people. Oh no. But I haven't been doing it for very long or I haven't. I don't know. I didn't take this training but. Or who am I to take this next level, elevate my business to maybe bringing on independent contractors, starting an agency or starting to bring in passive income? Who am I? Just this little old doula over here who, you know, who am I to do this? Like, how do you. What's your advice for someone who's thinking those thoughts in their head as they're growing, starting to design their business beyond just training hours for dollars as a doula?
- [21:53]
C
Yeah. So I have two, two different pathways if I'm working with that person. We would probably do some pattern interrupt work. Like we would go and do a little bit of shadow work just to touch on it a little bit to get to the root of where that's really coming from. And I would bring in some other modalities, gene keys and things like that, look at some of these correlative things for them just to have some more context for themselves for the re patterning work. Because witness work and re patterning work are extremely important in the coaching work that I do as and it' it helps you liberate and stop going through those same loops again. So I think that's one part. But that's a hard thing to do by yourself. That's something that you like, really need a person to hold with you. And it's so beautiful to allow yourself to be seen like that. It brings me back to retreat last year when I was there and what happened in the hot season.
- [22:40]
B
Oh, my retreat.
- [22:41]
C
Your retreat?
- [22:42]
B
Yes.
- [22:43]
C
And what happened with all of those doulas that allowed themselves to actually be seen in a new way. It was wild.
- [22:49]
B
That was a transformative session.
- [22:54]
C
Yeah. Like they actually stepped forward and allowed themselves to be seen in a way that was deeper, I think, than probably many of them had ever allowed before. What it did in the room was like it just got deeper and deeper. And then of course, what happened? Like those people gave themselves permission to clear the shame pattern around these things. And then of course, what happens then they can actually be free and have more success in their business as a result of that. Because they're not so tethered to these old stories and scripts that are keeping them in bondage to scarcity, constriction, shame, fear, all that yucky stuff that is normal because we're here and we're human. So that's like the first chunk that I think is really important. Second piece, if you're like.
- [23:38]
B
Yes. Can I just interject that I haven't even really told you this, Amber. Those doulas who are at that main retreat where you came and we just had this. They have all, like the. They have all reaped the benefits of doing that work on that day. The retreat just went skyrocketed. Was like a rocket for the rest.
- [24:01]
C
Of the major unlock.
- [24:02]
B
And then they all went home and have done big things since then. So exciting. So cool.
- [24:08]
C
Oh, my gosh. That's it. That's it. And it's also. You could speak to this because it doesn't stop.
- [24:13]
B
It's no.
- [24:13]
C
We meet a new pattern. We need an. And then we. At a different level and we just continue the work onward. And you've been. And it's not been comfortable for you. Like, you've really had to, like, you're like, oh, God, I don't do this loose ever. And then you actually have cried. And that's, like, not a thing you really do either.
- [24:29]
B
Yeah.
- [24:30]
C
Move the energy to shift things so that you can actually. And like, we really focused on this at this elevate retreat. Create more space and capacity inside of yourself. That's what it does. It, like, opens you up to have more access to yourself and to your life force into your energy, into your creativity and imagination and your courage and like, all of these things. So that's, like, really, to me, that's a major component in my coaching work, at least that I do with people, because it's like, the most honest thing that I can offer.
- [25:05]
B
Right.
- [25:05]
C
Because I. I'm a seer. So, like, I can see the block in a person just by talking to them. I'm like, okay, I love your content strategy, but can we talk about all the reasons why you literally, like, don't want to show your face? Remember Laura at the beginning when she. When we were in Florida and she wouldn't even put herself on her face on camera? And now she's just. She never shuts up. I'm obsessed. I'm like, there she is, her beautiful face. She's talking to camera. She's doing. It's like, amazing. This is what we're talking about.
- [25:33]
B
Can we talk about my first coaching call with you? I dropped a significant amount of money, and I was like, I know this is the next thing I need in my business.
- [25:45]
C
And.
- [25:45]
B
And then I. I was like, yes, okay. And then whatever. My call was a week later. I showed up to that call, I think I had a clipboard with a list. I'm like, okay, okay, I have an hour with you. I was like, like strategy, here's 17 questions. And you were like, you let me like spin off. And then you were like, darcy, calm down. And I was like, wait, what? That. I just. I was like, what? But no, I have to, I need the. And you were like, no, here's what you have to do. I just love that you talk about this all the time. You have to do the inner work. If you're an entrepreneur.
- [26:26]
C
Yeah.
- [26:26]
B
It's no strategy is going to help you until you can get out of your own way.
- [26:36]
C
And if it did, like, people would be doing way better than they are.
- [26:41]
B
Right.
- [26:42]
C
Because there's no shortage of tactical strategic offerings out there in the world.
- [26:49]
B
Right. You can Google it, you can watch.
- [26:51]
C
It literally go on ChatGPT now. Right. Like it is all there for you. And every single human is wired differently, has a different, honestly, like how I see it has like a different calling and a different wiring in a different like magic.
- [27:09]
B
Yeah.
- [27:10]
C
That is for their positioning of the types of families they're meant to support or the type of sleep consultant work they're meant to do. It's like they're all so unique and there's always a pathway like this winding road as to why they're led to the work they want to do. And it's deeply meaningful. And so when I sit with people and I really listen to their story, I love like the detective work of, oh, okay, so you actually should be building out this mastermind or you actually should be doing the agency or you should be building out this membership or whatever it is. Let's just do high end one to one services for this specific type of family and then let's like set the pricing like this and have these additional add on opportunities. And it's so fun to then be behind the scenes engineering the model to match who they are, what they're the best at, the way they want to actually serve and then. Yes. What their right number is. We have to, we. That part is important. That's not like we don't leave that part out. But honestly, to me that's. That's just like the easy part. It's just the simple math.
- [28:14]
B
Yeah. Yes. You just figure out the math and reverse engineer it. But let's talk about that. Because I talk to so many of my coaching clients are like, I want to hit six figures. I want to hit six figures as a doula that's the goal. And they get really close and then they're beating themselves up. And I'm like, what? Who cares? First of all, nobody knows. And do you really need that much money? That's another thing. Let's look at what do you actually truly need to earn, right, to be really happy?
- [28:44]
C
So it was like, just like I was remembering the math. It's $8,333, like times 12, right?
- [28:50]
B
Yeah.
- [28:50]
C
That's like your monthly for a hundred thousand dollar year. And that's okay. That's the math, right. If you want to do a million dollar a year, it's 83,000. And yeah, I. To me, the second part of helping people build right sized businesses is doing so so you can scale what matters most to you. And so I think the big thing that I want to ask everybody listening to this today is, do you know what you really want?
- [29:15]
B
Ooh.
- [29:16]
C
And I think that there's a lot of you guys because I know you so well. Many of you are not even giving yourselves permission to want what you want. And I don't even mean like a hundred thousand dollars a year or $200,000 a year or anything. I want to work this much time. I want to work with these types of clients in this specific type of way. I want to take these months, weeks off in the year. I want to have time for my garden. I want to have time for. Yeah, exactly. This is what's important to me. I want to go to the retreats, the doula retreats and Darcy. That's an important thing every year that I do for myself and my business. I want to build that into my bottom line. I don't want to feel bad about it. I don't want to justify it. I don't have to feel like I have to get permission from my freaking partner. I am a badass businesswoman doing my own thing, and I get to decide what I'm doing with that. That's what I want. How many of you right now listening to this are like, yes, that's what I want? And I'm like, great. That's the foundation right now.
- [30:18]
B
And that's the compass too. That's it. Here's the life I really want. And like, for one thing, I remember figuring out on my own, like in my 20s, when I had my first job and was driving my old beater car from high school. That was my goal. Oh, I just, I want a better car. Like, I'm a college grad working now. Like, I deserve like a better car. And so Then starting I had no car payment on my beater car and starting to look at what a car payment was, I was like, huh? I could pay off my student loans, I could take a vacation with my friends. I don't want a car. I'm gonna keep driving this beater because who cares?
- [30:58]
C
No one's right because they got more important things. Yeah.
- [31:01]
B
So that's a, I think a pretty classic example to me. I could give two craps what kind of car I drive. Like, I do not. I've never cared. But to some people that's like really important.
- [31:13]
C
Totally, totally.
- [31:15]
B
So what's figuring out what is really important back circling back to what we started with. Like, what is the most important thing to you? Is it time with your family? Is it a vacation at Christmas every year? Is it right?
- [31:27]
C
Yeah. Like we got what we're working for and what the design is so that we can then decide how we're going to engineer the business and then ultimately like what offers are going to work for that. And so like for me, one to one coaching in this like hybrid model of the Elevate Mastermind as my like central offer. Of course I have one to one clients that are not part of Elevate. I have a few male clients, I have some couples, I have some just like different types of folks that I'm working one to one with. But I know what my roster number is in terms of like how many people I can work with in terms of how many hours in a month I can have session time available so that I'm able to take Ani to Ariel. And I'm have Mondays off and I can go to music class and I can Fridays off to go to writing and just the things that I'm doing for my life. And then I have all these other things. Like I walk every single. I was just calculating actually like I walk at least a 5k every single day outside. Like usually vox ring you guys. But I was like, my gosh, I walk, I don't know, like over a thousand miles in the last year.
- [32:29]
B
I'm like, that's pretty cool.
- [32:30]
C
That's just like a commitment. They're like my mental health walks. Because my 3 year old is like literally terrorizing me right now and I love him so much, but he wants to like basically like koala himself to me every second of the day and he's just very loud and has huge energy and so like I. You better believe I've been walking over a thousand miles this year. Yeah.
- [32:51]
B
But actually another thing is like You've. That's a thing that's important to you even before you had kids. Like, you need a walk. I do, too. But you've built your business around it. Like, you vox. And I have modeled the same thing, too. That's when, like, you're working and I.
- [33:08]
C
Record my podcast while I'm walking. Yes.
- [33:10]
B
I don't do that.
- [33:11]
C
That's the other thing I recorded in my phone outside. And so people always say to me, like, it's actually so soothing to me to hear your feet on the gravel road, to hear the crickets, to hear the birds. Like, it's actually so amazing to me. And I'm like, cool. I'm so glad that works out for you. Cause that's what I. How I have to do it. Yeah. That's how my brain works. Otherwise, there's no podcast. Yeah. So I think, friends, you've gotta. This is, like, a little bit of being a big girl growing it up here. Like, you have to claim the life that you want to be living, and you have to name it, and you have to say, this is what I want for my one precious life. And it's. We have graduated past. Like, if you decided you're going to be a doula, like, the cat's out of the bag. Like, you're not going back in. You've already chosen that you're going to be on this alternative path. So now that we're on it, let's freaking go. Let's do it in a way that feels exciting, that feels like it's igniting us, that feels like it's, like, really abundant. Gives us the life that we really want to be having on all different levels. Because if we're not, then what's the point? Go get a job.
- [34:21]
B
Go get a boring desk job.
- [34:23]
C
I made a real boss, if you want.
- [34:25]
B
I know. I made a reel the other day. I was like, you guys, we're doulas. Like, some people right now are sitting in a cubicle as an accountant, and we're out here just holding babies.
- [34:35]
C
And if you like that, if you like your cubicle, and that's great. You know what? I can't even say the word. If you like it, that's great. I love it so much for you. But, yeah, if you're listening to this, chances are you probably don't. And so there. Come on, giddy up.
- [34:50]
B
Come on over and. Okay, so I was going to ask to wrap this up to do this. You and I think are maybe making it sound easy. Like, just decide. I mean, it and P S. It is that easy. Like, you have to decide to do it. And the inner work that we talked about before, it gets in the way. But at what I mean, coaching is essential. Surrounding yourself with other people who are doing this too. You can't be a doula entrepreneur, sleep consultant entrepreneur, and then only hang out with accountants that work in cubicles.
- [35:27]
C
Because your spirit will die. Because they won't get it.
- [35:31]
B
You will die.
- [35:32]
C
You'll die. They just know, like, I love them so much, but they. We say this. This is so mean. But like the normie people that have chosen this different, more traditional path don't really get it, by and large. And therefore it feels like a little bit of a riptide kind of sucking you back in. And if you really want a different reality, like I'm a poet in addition to being a business coach, right. I'm working on my second manuscript, in fact here, like with Darcy as my witness. It's right here. It just needs editing. But like, here she is, right? So it's here edited. Just needs to be next level, right? I'm in a poetry group. I go to class twice a month and I learn from a poetry teacher with a bunch of poets, like wild poet women. And it's amazing and it's expansive and it stretches me. It's. If I want to do that thing, I need to actually put myself in the place of people who are successfully doing the thing. It is like time collapser shortcut. And mentorship is just like the fast track. Get with a person who's done the thing that you want to do and be the smartest person in your cohort because you made that decision to go fast track it. And as I. You hear me say all the time, yes unlocks how. If you don't know what the next step is, say yes to getting help. In fact, I'm actually going to start taking knitting classes because I want to learn how to knit. And so in Rochester up the road, there's a knitting class.
- [36:59]
B
So I got kicked out of knitting.
- [37:02]
C
Of course you did. Why?
- [37:04]
B
Because I was so bad at it and the lady was like. And it's actually. This is so funny that you're saying this because I thought I just. I love the idea of knitting and people who knit very cathartic.
- [37:17]
C
My mom knits, so that's why I'm like, I wanna. My mom makes like amazing heirloom sweaters. Yeah.
- [37:22]
B
Yeah. My grandmother knit all my. Lots of sweaters and stuff for me and I. And it's a big Doula thing. Like to sit your lab while you're labor sitting. Like they're knitting. Yeah. I loved the idea of it. So I was like, I think maybe to be a doula, I need to knit too. And so I signed up for classes in Portsmouth, and mine was not very Virgo. Like, it was like really tight at one end. And then, like, it got. The stitches got bigger. And every day my stitches were different sizes. And the lady, after six weeks was like, you can. You don't have to come to the last two glasses if you don't want to.
- [37:59]
C
Oh, my God, that's so sad.
- [38:03]
B
I was like, okay, I'm going to cut this. And just. Just it. And it wasn't as relaxed.
- [38:11]
C
It wasn't for you anyway, so.
- [38:12]
B
I love knitting for you, Amber. You'll be great at it.
- [38:14]
C
Because, like, I want to give it a swirl. I may be too impatient for it too. We'll see. But I.
- [38:19]
B
If I want, I'm just a different person every day. You can't expect me to knit the same. Yeah, that was my problem.
- [38:26]
C
So true.
- [38:27]
B
You're gonna.
- [38:28]
C
Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, we'll see. It may sit in a basket, but I'm certainly gonna give.
- [38:33]
B
I don't wanna. I don't wanna college try pour water on your knitting dreams. But.
- [38:38]
C
Yeah, but again, my. The story stands, right?
- [38:42]
B
It's.
- [38:42]
C
If you want to learn how to do something, yes, you got to go learn from the person who knows how to do it and has mastery. And yes, it will require an investment. It will require skin in the game. It'll require you to be like, confronting yourself. But that's how you get free. Yeah, that's how you get free. Because walking around with a dream that you're not listening to, that you're not honoring is. You know how many people die with a dream inside of them that they didn't actually follow through on?
- [39:16]
B
A lot of them.
- [39:17]
C
I know. And it just doesn't have to be us.
- [39:21]
B
Exactly right. Let's have it not be us. And the other side of this is what has been coming up in the coaching calls I've had this week. People doulas saying, oh, I don't know what, I don't like post. I don't want to post on social media. What are. What are my friends going to think? What are people going to say? Or if I start launch this new digital course, what are people going to think?
- [39:40]
C
Oh, my God. Who are people?
- [39:42]
B
Yeah, the accountants in cubicles who don't get it. So of course they're going to maybe say something to you, but probably they're not going to say anything to you. But stop thinking about them and start thinking about who you following your dream is going to help. Yeah. And you staying small isn't going to help anybody.
- [40:01]
C
I know. And you guys get to help families and babies, and I just can't think of anything more important than that. At the very root. At the very root, for me, this whole business comes back to I love my clients infinitely. And the fact that your kids get to have the fully expressed version of you because you've created a business that creates financial stability and makes it possible for you to go do these things that you want to do with them. Go skiing with them, go down, help them move into college.
- [40:33]
B
Yeah.
- [40:33]
C
That is the actual reason why I do what I do.
- [40:37]
B
I know it is. And what has been really cool is now my kid. I thought about that when I was little. When I was little, when they were little, like, modeling for them. Like, mom works at her own business and is doing what she loves, helping other moms. But now that my kids are, like, graduating high school and figuring out their own path and just listening to them, having watched me for the past 15 years as an entrepreneur, they have such a different mindset than I did coming out of high school. And it is so cool. I'm bringing my daughter to the Doula conference in Seattle next month.
- [41:20]
C
So cool. I'm like, I'm just waiting for Ani to get a little older. I'm like, she's going to be like my content person. I'm, like, so ready to have her. Please just make my reels for me. Get on the trends. You're on the pay. She's already on the payroll for tax strategy. So let's make this official. Official.
- [41:37]
B
My daughter came home for a week this summer from college and she's, hey, mom, I think you should do this trend reel. And I did. It's got. It's my most viewed reel of the summer.
- [41:48]
C
Oh, my gosh. Okay, let's close. Telling the reel story real quick.
- [41:52]
B
Oh, my gosh. So everyone listening follows me on Instagram, hopefully. And I love a good reel and a good trend and that I am obsessed with Taylor Swift's marketing prowess and just business prowess.
- [42:07]
C
Yes.
- [42:08]
B
I wasn't a swifty until the whole ERAS tour and that. Like, it got on my algorithm. And now I know everything about her. Not everything, but I. P.S. amber is a crazy cat lady.
- [42:22]
C
She is a professional crazy lady.
- [42:24]
B
Professional, like raising the cats. The show cats.
- [42:29]
C
Right. I'M like a cat doula.
- [42:31]
B
You are. In fact, literally, you birthed a. I.
- [42:34]
C
Literally birthed the kitten that we're going to be talking about.
- [42:37]
B
So. Yeah, you delivered the kitten.
- [42:39]
C
I'm a cat doula.
- [42:40]
B
Yeah, you are a cat doula. You're a cat midwife, actually.
- [42:43]
C
Yeah, actually, I'm a midwife.
- [42:44]
B
You caught the babies?
- [42:45]
C
I caught the baby.
- [42:46]
B
Yep. Anyway, I know Amber has this bevy of cats at her house. Anyway, so you saw my reel where I was did the Taylor Swift. I had the idea. This is the story. I had the idea that I should promote my master class that I did in August, the same way Taylor Swift promoted her album with her, when she walks out into the Miami Stadium petting her cat. And I was like, that's crazy. And I don't have a cat. Like, how the heck am I gonna do this? And then I'm like, how would I even get to a stadium? And then I was like, wait a minute. Amber happens to know everyone at UNH at the stadium, and she has cats. So I sent her a VOX message early in the morning, and I was like, hey, you want to meet me at the Whittemore center with a couple cats? And you were like, oh, no.
- [43:40]
C
Can I borrow your cat? I'm like, what? What? Okay, hold up. What are we talking about? And then I was, like, going on a bunch of calls, so I was like, I'll come back to this. And then I just got excited because I was like, wait, my podcast is launching on Tuesday. Like, I could do this, too. And so I'm. So then Darcy's crazy idea that I'm, like, up here in the treehouse, like, making our signs or the dates. I'm like, with my Sharpie, like, making the signs for us. And then I'm, like, getting the cat, like, opie, come on, man. And then we're at the football stadium during torrential downpouring, like, catastrophic storm. While we're there recording, Ben texts me, and he's. A gigantic pine tree just fell in our yard. Like, I'm, like, running around at the stadium with Darcy with our cat, with the cat recording Taylor. And my house has trees falling down.
- [44:31]
B
And your little show cat's just sitting in his little carrier.
- [44:34]
C
Opie. He's just like, whatever you.
- [44:37]
B
Whatever you guys need me to do.
- [44:39]
C
He didn't even. He. There wasn't even, like, a flinch with the lightning and the thunder.
- [44:43]
B
Oh, my God.
- [44:43]
C
Couldn't have been happier. Yeah. And we just nailed it. We, like, one take. Wondered it. We both Nailed the shot. Got the real. It's like the most engagement I have on my entire feed.
- [44:54]
B
I love it, love it so much. Oh, my gosh. So that's the answer right there, folks. Find a coach that will do crazy shit like that with you and support.
- [45:06]
C
Done some crazy shit. And we have got some pretty funny stories.
- [45:10]
B
Yeah. My top funniest reels have been with you. My other one was when I fell down at the beach in a circle Florida retreat. Oh, my gosh. So thank you so much, Amber. I love you so much. I would not be here doing all this stuff without having you as my coach, cheering me on, dragging me along. At some points, maybe when you come.
- [45:37]
C
In session, you're like, I don't have anything to talk about. An hour later, it's, oh, okay.
- [45:42]
B
Oh, there it is. Okay. That's what it was. And just I. How many times a month do I or do I send you a message? I'm like, thank you for you saying yes to your dream. Quitting your unh. Job to start your own business allowed me to say yes to my dream, which is allowing some of the people listening to say yes to theirs. Like it. We never know.
- [46:10]
C
Yeah.
- [46:11]
B
Who we're gonna help with by going for the dream we wanna do, doing the work that we wanna do. The impact you've had on the doula world is pretty massive. And imagine if you just were still a little marketing exec shooting T shirts out of the cannons at basketball games like, wild. I love it. Yes. Unlocks the how. I love that saying. So thanks so much for coming on the show today.
- [46:43]
C
Thanks, Darcy. Love ya.
- [46:49]
A
Thank you for tuning in to the Dula Darcy podcast. I hope you found this episode valuable and I'd love for you to join me on the next one. Let's keep the conversation going. Shoot me a DM on Instagram Hedla d' Arcy, or join my free Facebook Facebook community, the Doula Marketing Group, where we dive deeper into growing your doula business. If you enjoyed the episode, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast on your favorite platform. Your feedback will help more doulas discover the show, which in turn helps more families find the doula support that they need. And I believe that that is how we save the world.