The Doula Darcy Podcast: "Claim the Life You Want and Build the Business to Match it" with Amber Lilyestrom

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, Darcy Sauers (host, doula, and business coach) welcomes her long-time personal business coach Amber Lilyestrom. Amber is a renowned business coach, brand strategist, and author, whose near-death C-section experience inspired her to radically redesign her life and business. The conversation dives deep into intentional life design, money mindset, the permission to build a unique doula business, and practical advice for doulas and other service-based entrepreneurs aiming to blend personal fulfillment and business success.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amber’s Backstory: A Catalyst for Change

• Amber's Turning Point ([04:46] – [09:55])
  • While working relentless 16-hour days in sports marketing, Amber experienced a near-fatal complication during her daughter Ani's birth. This became her "wild awake moment," catalyzing a massive reevaluation.
  • Quote: “It really was that wild awake moment of, what am I doing? Cause this isn’t how I want this to go.” – Amber [07:24]
  • She realized motherhood required not just career changes but a full business and life redesign.

Designing a Business Around Your Life

• Permission to Do It Your Way ([05:16] – [07:03])

  • Darcy credits Amber with the profound idea: “Design the business to fit your life, not the other way around.”
  • They stress that doulas (and others) don’t need to follow industry norms—they’re free to innovate.

• The Right-Sized Business ([09:55] – [12:18])

  • Amber’s business structure adapts to her kids’ schedules and family priorities. She only offers services that fit this model.
  • Quote: "I didn't want to miss the moments I couldn't get a replay on.” – Amber [08:26]
  • Emphasizes ongoing commitment and recalibration as life evolves.

Mindset Shifts & Money Blocks

• Overcoming “It’s Just Who I Am” ([16:36] – [20:34])

  • Doulas often feel guilty charging for work that feels natural or easy.
  • Amber reframes this: “If it feels so easy, I can’t possibly make money at it, because making money has to be hard.” [17:37]
  • Money blocks often come from upbringing, not inherent worth.

• You Can’t ‘Charge What You’re Worth’ ([19:37] – [20:34])

  • Quote: “Pay what you’re worth? Please don’t ever say that again, because that’s literally impossible.” – Amber [19:52]
  • Uses the analogy of being unable to put a price on your child (“How much for your kid?”) to illustrate the absurdity of “pricing your worth.”

Inner Work Is Essential

• Strategy vs Inner Work ([25:04] – [27:09])

  • While tactical strategies are easily “Googled,” breakthrough comes from inner work: shadow work, healing shame, self-permission.
  • Amber: “No strategy is going to help you until you can get out of your own way.” [26:25]
  • Darcy’s testimonial: her first coaching call with Amber shifted from a checklist of tactics to deep self-examination.

• The Power of Community & Retreats ([22:42] – [24:13])

  • Doulas at retreats made breakthroughs by being vulnerable and seen, expanding what was possible in their businesses and lives.
  • “What it did in the room was… they gave themselves permission to clear the shame pattern... and then they can actually be free.” – Amber [23:15]

Defining Your Own Success

• Beyond Arbitrary Income Goals ([28:13] – [31:27])

  • Many doulas chase six figures without asking why or if they need it.
  • Get clarity: “Do you know what you really want?” – Amber [29:15]
  • Darcy shares an anecdote: For her, time and travel matter more than a fancy car.

• Reverse-Engineering Your Vision ([28:50] – [32:51])

  • Amber structures client goals, schedules, and income based on desired lifestyle ("right-sized business"), not random metrics.

Building Around Personal Rhythms and Non-Negotiables

• Amber’s Rituals ([32:30] – [33:11])

  • Walking daily (often while Voxer voice messaging clients), recording podcasts during walks—she’s intentionally designed work to fit her life’s rhythms.

• The Courage to Claim What You Want ([33:11] – [34:49])

  • The bold takeaway: “You have to claim the life you want to be living, and you have to name it… If you decided you’re going to be a doula… you’re on this alternative path. So now that we're on it, let's freaking go.” – Amber [33:10]

The Importance of Mentorship & Community

• Invest in Learning from Masters ([35:26] – [38:41])

  • Surround yourself with peers and mentors who understand the journey — “Mentorship is just the fast track… Say yes to getting help.” – Amber [36:59]
  • You can’t go far if everyone around you is playing small or living “normie” lives.

• Unlocking the Dream through Support ([45:05] – [46:11])

  • Your business isn’t just about you—it has a ripple effect on your family, your clients, your peers.
  • Quote from Darcy: “Thank you for you saying yes to your dream. Quitting your UNH job to start your own business allowed me to say yes to my dream, which is allowing some of the people listening to say yes to theirs.” [46:09]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Permission and Possibility
  • “We have the power to create whatever the heck we want and do whatever the heck we want.” — Darcy [05:05]
• On Not Missing the Important Moments
  • “I didn’t want to miss the moments I couldn’t get a replay on.” — Amber [08:26]
• On Money Mindset
  • “It actually has nothing to do with you being a doula and doing what you want to do. It’s a money mindset thing.” — Amber [17:31]
• On Self-Value
  • "You're never going to be able to actually see your own face without a mirror. So remember that… You're limitless in value, you are infinite in value." — Amber [18:52]
• On Defining Success
  • “Do you know what you really want?” — Amber [29:14]
  • “That’s the compass too. That’s it — Here’s the life I really want.” — Darcy [30:17]
• On the Power of Saying Yes
  • “Yes unlocks how.” — Amber [41:37, 46:11]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Amber’s Near-Death Experience & Wakeup Call: [04:46] – [09:55]
• Designing Your Business to Fit Your Life: [07:03] – [12:18]
• Money Mindset & Accepting Payment for Your Gift: [16:36] – [20:34]
• Overcoming Fear & Shame Through Inner Work: [21:53] – [27:09]
• Defining True Success & Reverse-Engineering Your Life: [28:13] – [34:49]
• Mentorship, Community & Saying Yes: [35:26] – [38:41]
• The Ripple Effect of Going After Your Dream: [45:05] – [46:11]
• Lighthearted Ending - The Cats & Taylor Swift Reel: [42:07] – [44:53]

Final Takeaways

• You have complete permission to build a doula business that fits your unique life and values.
• Regular self-examination and inner work are prerequisites for real growth.
• Money blocks are universal and worthy of compassionate, honest exploration.
• Find your “why” before chasing numbers; design your offers and services around your truest desires.
• Community, mentorship, and being “seen” by others on a similar journey are invaluable accelerators.
• Your decision to step into your dream has a positive ripple far beyond yourself.

For more from Amber Lilyestrom, visit amberlilyestrom.com or follow her on Instagram. Darcy invites listeners to join the Doula Marketing Group on Facebook for ongoing support and conversation on growing a doula business.