Podcast Summary: "Must Be Nice" – A Mindset Shift That Changed Everything

Podcast: The Doula Darcy Podcast
Host: Darcy Sauers
Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Overview

This episode is a deeply personal reflection from Darcy Sauers on how shifting her mindset – particularly around self-care and abundance – fundamentally transformed her business and life as a doula and business coach. Broadcasting from Clearwater, Florida, just ahead of her Birth Worker Retreat, Darcy shares how she consciously designed her business to fit her life and encourages listeners to question their own limiting beliefs, making the case that prioritizing yourself is the foundation of sustainable success as a doula.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Designing Your Business to Fit Your Life

• Darcy’s Florida Retreat:
  Darcy describes arriving in Florida early to decompress before hosting her retreat, noting how this intentional "transition" time improves both her wellbeing and her ability to lead and serve others.

  “I need a little time on the front end of an event and a little time on the back end.” (01:10)

• Intentional Business Design:
  She shares that the origin of the Birth Worker Retreat was to escape snowy New Hampshire and get her business to pay for it—a conscious choice to merge her personal needs with business opportunities.

  “We wanted a tax write-off event that we could build into our year that included the Florida sunshine.” (03:11)

• You Are Your Business:
  Especially relevant for doulas, Darcy reiterates that your personal wellbeing and your business’s health are inseparable.

  “None of it’s gonna happen if you’re struggling, suffering, burnt out and feeling like crap.” (04:14)

2. The Incremental Path to Self-Care

• Small Beginnings:
  Darcy started by budgeting for a monthly massage—her non-negotiable for self-care—even as a new doula.

  “Massages are my thing. I’ll take a massage over a designer handbag any day.” (06:34)

• Outsourcing Household Work:
  Her first “business hire” was actually a house cleaner, freeing time for rest or business growth.

  “Hiring someone to clean my house really helped me devote that time towards resting, relaxing or working and growing my business.” (07:18)

• Defining “Filling Your Cup”:
  Darcy urges listeners to identify what replenishes them—be it walks, massages, or something else—since everyone's “cup fillers” are unique.

  “Your dream life, your dream business might look completely different, but for me, I have designed this week to fit perfectly into what my body needs.” (11:12)

3. From Scarcity to Abundance Mindset

• The “Must Be Nice” Trap:
  Darcy addresses social media envy, describing DMs like “must be nice” in response to her posts about travel and self-care.
  • She reframes these thoughts, encouraging listeners to cheer for others’ wins instead of feeling resentful.

    “Instead of resenting them, check yourself and think, wow, I’m so happy for them. I wonder how I could do that too, if it’s something you truly want.” (13:48)

• Her Upbringing & Martyrdom:
  Describes growing up in New England’s “suffering as virtue” culture, and the internal struggle to shift from martyr to abundance mentality.

  “If you’re not suffering and working yourself to the bone, you’re a bad person… That is a thing in New Hampshire.” (15:19)

• Intentional Business Building:
  Emphasizes that her lifestyle is a result of years of strategic decisions, not overnight success or external privilege.

  “No one handed me a doula business that had all these trips built in and massages and time for exercise. I had to build it out of thin air and step by step create it in a way that served me.” (16:21)

4. Actionable Guidance: Micro-Decisions for Self-Care

• Starting Small:
  Even ten minutes a day for yourself is a critical first step; Darcy advocates making parts of daily life more sacred (e.g., enjoying hot coffee, adding essential oils to your shower).

  “Where can you carve out 10 minutes today?... How can you make parts of your day more sacred?” (17:33)

• Clarifying Your Vision:
  Listeners are encouraged to identify their core desires and work backward from there, even if those desires are still undefined due to long-standing “martyr” habits.

  “Maybe you have been making yourself a victim of martyrhood for so long, you don’t even know what you like or what you need.” (18:32)

• Saying No:
  Cautions against overcommitting—every “yes” to others is a “no” to self-care, family, or rest.

  “Every yes you say is a no to something else.…So make sure…the yeses I say are for me first.” (19:10)

• Reclaiming Selfishness:
  She dispels the myth that prioritizing oneself is selfish, describing how aligning her days with self-care helps her serve everyone in her life and business more effectively.

  “When I say yes to myself first and build my days and my weeks around taking a walk, getting exercise, getting my vitamin D sunshine, I am happier and healthier and I am a better mom to my kids.” (20:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You can design your business to fit your life – on steroids. And I also want to point out that it took me years to get here.” (02:47)
• “Taking a break, getting out of your day to day routines as a mom and a business owner only makes you come back better, makes you show up better for your clients.” (05:06)
• “Trade in your resentment for an abundance mentality.” (13:35)
• “You absolutely can design a business to fit the lifestyle of your dreams.” (16:51)
• “Make yourself pause and be more present. So how can you weave these little things into your day and then how can you start to work towards the bigger things?” (18:06)
• “You’re going to burn out in every aspect of your life so fast if you continue to function in that way.” (19:00)
• “It sounds a little selfish, but it’s not.” (19:59)

Important Timestamps

• 00:41 — Darcy sets the scene: why she came early, the value of decompression before big events
• 03:11 — The true (and unapologetic) reason for the Birth Worker Retreat
• 06:34 — Early business self-care: making monthly massages a priority
• 11:12 — Tailoring business and travel around personal wellness needs
• 13:35 — Responding to "must be nice" with abundance and gratitude
• 15:19 — Coping with a deeply-rooted “work as virtue” upbringing
• 17:33 — Micro-decisions: making self-care non-negotiable
• 19:59 — Re-defining “selfish” and showing up better for everyone by caring for oneself first

Final Thoughts

Darcy’s episode is a call-to-action for doulas (and anyone in service-oriented businesses) to break free from the “suffering equals virtue” mindset and instead start taking calculated steps—no matter how small—to create a business and life that feel nourishing and sustainable. Through honest anecdotes and actionable advice, she demonstrates that this transformation is available to all, not just a lucky few.

If you're seeking permission to prioritize yourself without guilt—and want to know how those choices might super-charge your doula business—this episode is a must-listen.