← The Doula Darcy Podcast
The Doula Darcy Podcast
Supporting Neurodivergent Families as a Doula with Alix Myers
00:39:06
In this episode, Darcy welcomes Alix Myers, a birth and postpartum doula from Montreal with a powerful passion for neurodivergent advocacy. Together, they explore the unique needs of neurodivergent birthing people and how doulas can adjust their...
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- [00:04]
Darcy
Welcome to the Doula Darcy podcast. I'm your host, Darcy, a business coach for doulas. And I love helping my fellow doulas master the art of marketing so that they can grow their businesses and help more families. On the podcast, I combine my decade of experience in Advertising with 14 years as a doula to empower other doulas with the marketing strategies and mindset shifts they need to attract more clients and create successful, fulfilling doula careers. Whether you're just starting out as a doula or you're looking to take your doula business to the next level, you're in the right place. Let's go.
- [00:46]
Alex
Hey, everybody.
- [00:47]
Alex Myers
Welcome.
- [00:48]
Alex
We have Alex Myers here with us all the way from Montreal. I just. I don't know why I get so excited when I talk to people from Canada, because I'm. It makes me feel very international.
- [00:58]
Alex Myers
You are, you are.
- [00:59]
Alex
I am. And Montreal is just such a cool place. I love Montreal. So Alex is here because she. I'll let you talk about yourself, but what I just think what you're doing is wonderful and so needed and not getting talked a lot about in how you're supporting neuro. Neurodivergent families as a birth doula and postpartum doula. So can you explain a little bit about what it is that you do?
- [01:26]
Alex Myers
Yeah. So I am a doula. I work with all different types of families, but through my own life experience and understanding of neurodivergence, through my children and through myself, I started becoming, like, really interested in how birth and postpartum and pregnancy and even fertility. Right. Like, the whole journey that as we grow our families, how that experience differs for a neurodivergent person. And the more that I look into it, the more obsessed and passionate I become about it. Because, listen, 10 years ago, we didn't even really have the language of neurodivergence. And we can. I. You want, Darcy. I can explain what it is. But now we all of a sudden are starting to have this language, but we're only, like, at the beginning of understanding how different we go through the world as neurodivergent people. And all of these things that we've been, like, figuring out on our own and struggling, there are accommodations that could just make it so much more inclusive. And when we look at, like, pregnancy, birth, and postpartum in anybody, it is this massive, giant transition. It affects every part of our bodies and beings. And if you're neurodivergent and you don't have these accommodations and plans and tools in place, it can almost certainly put you into a place of where your mental health is compromised and your physical health is compromised. So, yeah.
- [03:01]
Alex
Yeah. So let's start. Let's back up. Start with what? When we say, when you say neurodivergent, like, what all does that encompass?
- [03:09]
Alex Myers
Okay, so the word neurodivergent, it refers to, like, the natural human diversity of how our brains are built. And in the same way that, like, we all have different hands, right? Our brains are all different. Some people's brains are autistic and some people's brains are ADHD and OCD and anxiety. And there's so many different versions of neurodivergence, neurodiversity. So when we talk about someone that's neurodivergent, what we mean is that their brain is built a little differently. And the way someone explained this to me, and I think it's the best version, like analogy, when you have a gas range, like a gas stove, and you have all these different knobs. So a neurodivergent brain, even an autistic brain, if we're talking, is that if that's our example, all the little knobs are at different places. So just because I say I'm autistic or I'm not autistic, but let's just pretend I am autistic, so let's use that. Just because I say I'm adhd, my brain does not look like someone like my neighbors who also is adhd. It looks like my own special recipe. And that's why it really doesn't matter how you define yourself or how you come to the label of neurodivergence. There's no barriers of entry. If you identify as neurodivergent, as autistic, as adhd, you are. And if you are amazing, let's figure out an easier way for you to move through the world and have those tools at your, like, ready.
- [04:50]
Alex
I love that so much and for so many reasons, but two things. One is that my. I have two kids and then my partner, my ex husband, all have been diagnosed with adhd and they're all. It's fascinating to watch. Like, they were diagnosed all at the same time. It's been fascinating to just learn about their brains and just to see how the traits, each of them are very different. The three of them have, they're. Even though they're related, the way that ADHD manifests and shows up and affects them is massively different between all of them. And it's just so interesting, right? And, but and so as a mom, like, I got so into this for them and learning and learning to read and all the things they needed for school. But I never really, as a postpartum doula, brought that to my work and thought, like, how is this affecting my clients? And I love what you said about, even if you aren't thinking that you're neurodivergent, everybody's brain is still different. And I learned. I don't know when that book came out quiet, about introverts and extroverts. I'm such an introvert. And I wish I knew that when my kids were little, because it would have.
- [06:15]
Alex Myers
Changed everything, right?
- [06:17]
Alex
Changed everything if I just had taken care of myself a little bit more, given myself some, like, quiet breaks and not beat myself up for. So I just think what you're doing to help with neurodivergent brains, just prepare for all of this better and just be educated about it and so that they're not in that self. And I think so. Sharing with doulas today on the podcast, like, what we can do as birth and postpartum doulas if. When, then here's my first question. Is it appropriate to ask on an intake form?
- [06:54]
Alex Myers
Yeah, I actually just had a client this week, a new client, and I have it now on my intake form. And I'll explain, like, why I'm asking, but I hope we get to a place where I don't have to explain why I'm asking, because it just becomes, this is how we do things. I want to know everything about your body and your medical history. And so, of course I want to know how your brain works. But yes, it is appropriate to ask. I think you have to do it in a way where you're saying, like, do you identify as neurodivergent or neurotypical in the same way that you would ask, like, what someone's pronouns are. Right. It's an information gathering.
- [07:30]
Alex
Or, like, food allergies. Yeah, that's not my intake form.
- [07:33]
Alex Myers
Yeah, I think we'd all like to get to that place. You also, as you, if you are a person that is, like, very interested in learning, and I think all birth workers are just, like, dying for more information. Yeah. You're going to start to identify, like, little different traits. You're not going to be able to tell if someone is neurodivergent or not. And you really need them to say that, like, to claim that. But there are different lenses and we can talk about this that I look at when I'm thinking about how to build, let's say, a birth plan for a neurodivergent person. And built lenses can be true for. Not for neurotypical people as well. Being neuroaffirming in your doula practice doesn't mean that you're compromising the experience of neurotypical people. It means that you're actually becoming even more inclusive. Talk inclusivity. But we really need to be thinking about inclusivity when it comes to brain types. Did I answer your question?
- [08:32]
Alex
You absolutely did. And it's just making me think about. Yeah, for even despite or I don't know, forget neurodivergence. Like, it's really. I've been starting to ask my coaching clients, like, how do you prefer to learn? Do you want audio learner, a video learner? Like, would Boxer or Marco Polo be there for you? Like, it's the same kind of thing with.
- [08:57]
Alex Myers
Because even if you're sitting in this intake conversation and they say, yes, I identify as neurodivergent, I'm autistic, whatever. That doesn't really tell you everything. Right. Go deeper. Right. What are your sensory sensitivities? How do you communicate? We need to. That opens the door for the conversation. But then there's a lot more to figure out because, as I said, each autistic person is very different. So, yeah, it. I think it's a positive direction to move your practice in. And I think using language like neuroaffirming, it signals in the same way, like I use the language of birth or. And partner. Right. That's signaling. Yeah. My openness, the inclusivity of my brand and my practice to everyone around you. And now my marketing background is coming in. But I love it, the language, the visuals that we use, it signals, first of all, you're going to get the right clients. All of a sudden, the people that you want to help are going to start coming to you. And second, that's your brand. That's your whole brand. One of your pillars is inclusivity. You need to be inclusive across the board.
- [10:06]
Alex
Good. I totally forgot you had a marketing background. So this is so great. I always talk about this in terms of. There's so much talk about finding your niche and.
- [10:14]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [10:15]
Alex
And whether you want to focus that on that or not. But we all niche down a little bit because we have our own passions. And I always use the example of me as a postpartum doula. I had three C sections. I just was obsessed with helping. I just became the doula in my town. Oh, all right. You had a C section like you want to hire Darcy and I'm. My next question is like how this worked out for you in my turn. But it's just, it just happens. Like I, I shared everything that I can ever posted. I shared those like motherly articles that celebrated C10 moms just cause it was interesting to me.
- [10:52]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [10:52]
Alex
And I see you doing a bang up job of this on Instagram. Everybody needs to go follow you on Instagram because you're so educational and you're at lovetender Ly underscore Doula and I will.
- [11:09]
Alex Myers
We can write.
- [11:10]
Alex
I'll put the link additional notes. But I was going to say you'll know you're there when you see her gorgeous branding. But I imagine because you're doing such a good job educating in your marketing that. Has this happened to you? Are you like the doula in Montreal for the Neurod? Do you see like more clients coming to you that are neurodivergent?
- [11:35]
Alex Myers
That's the goal. Our whole goal. It's so funny. I. It's not just clients that are coming to. It's really interesting who's coming outta the woodwork because as I start talking about this openly, I obviously share about myself and I share about the fact that I do have a neurodivergent child, probably all three and def. Definitely my husband and partner. It's interesting that I'm being approached by so many people whether they're in that like pregnancy, birth, postpartum phase or I call it like postpartum plus because it doesn't end when you go back to work or when you postpartum. We know the research is showing us it's seven to nine years after you give birth and if you have another baby, the clock restarts so that you could be in postpartum forever. Really? How long? But I'm seeing people that are coming to me saying okay, I had my baby four years ago. But everything you're saying is all of a sudden becoming so clear for me because I'm like looking back and I'm like, oh my God. And I'll just say this like my, I'm turning 40. So my generation. And I'll say up. My generation and up. Yeah, most people are finding out about their neurodivergence through their children. So one of their child, one of their children is being diagnosed with something they're learning and then all of a sudden they're like, wait, this is exactly how I felt growing up. This is. It explains everything. And. And then you're like, okay, Now I have to look backwards and process all that trauma. I was just, I just had ADHD this whole time and had I had that information, so many things would have been different for me. So I, it's interesting. I am also getting so much contact from mental health workers, so therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists who are in the process of educating themselves to be neuro affirming.
- [13:34]
Alex
Yeah.
- [13:35]
Alex Myers
And are so interested in the like how it comes together with the perinatal period. Cool.
- [13:45]
Alex
I can't, I just got like chills down my back I guess. Can't even wait to see like how this, how much of like postpartum depression and anxiety is actually just undiagnosed neurodivergence that I don't wanna say could be prevented. But if steps, if you.
- [14:04]
Alex Myers
Let's talk about the steps. I, yeah, but like the, I never know what the actual stat is because sometimes it's 1 in 5 and sometimes it's 1 in 4. And so let's just call it 1 in 5. But we know that if you're neurodivergent, your chances of ending up with a postpartum mental health disorder is. It's almost a hundred percent. Right. Like it's almost all the way there. The research of course is awful. We're taught like hopefully the more we talk about it, the more research done because they're not really pulling out neurodivergent people in the same way. But there are things that you can do. There are ways to prepare your clients. And I say, I think preparation is the whole thing.
- [14:45]
Alex
Yeah.
- [14:46]
Alex Myers
You need to do the work beforehand with them. And when we talk about like you're building a birth plan. Okay. So you have a client and you're building a birth plan with them and you go through the things, how do you want pain management and what do you want like the room to look like and smell and all of those things. And that's great and that's important, but we got to go deeper. If you're neurodivergent, I need to know, like I look at it from different lenses. So let's say the first lens is sensory sensitivities. Okay. So. Yes. What do you want the room to look like? Okay, great. How do you want the lighting? What about sound? How sensitive are you to sound? Because there's going to be beeping if you're in a hospital and there's going to be noise and you're going to hear from other rooms, other people reacting, is that going to put you in a panic and if so, we need to talk about tools. So first of all, do you have noise canceling headphones? There's different, like physical tools and then there's different, like emotional tools that we use.
- [15:36]
Alex
Doesn't. I could imagine. Sorry to interrupt you, but I could imagine just having these conversations is helpful.
- [15:43]
Alex Myers
Because people start to relax, like they feel cared for and, and they also.
- [15:49]
Alex
They'Re not going into it blind. The same with just childbirth like, and childbirth education. They're not going walking into a brightly lit, loud hospital room and being like, God, smack, oh my gosh, like they're.
- [16:05]
Alex Myers
You'Re setting them up a hundred percent, right? So you go through all of those sensory things and then one of the other lenses. And this to me is the most important is communication style. Because, okay, neurodivergent people, our pain receptors work differently and the way we communicate when we're in pain is different. So this is actually dangerous, right? Like I'm talking about thing that's actually dangerous because when you send a client to the hospital, they're like, I'm done laboring at home, I'm ready to get there, or birthing center, wherever you're going home, okay? And you have a midwife and they may not be neuropharmic. If I'm in pain, they're listening for how loud I am. Right? When you walk into a hospital, the nurses, they're trained to listen for how loud you are. Because how loud you are, it impacts how quickly they are going to come and treat you and check you and be on and be aware of what's going on in your labor. If you're a neurodivergent person, you might be very quiet. Actually, many are very quiet. Because what happens is when you're in pain, when you're sensory overloaded, you go inward and you become very quiet and very calm. And it's not because you're not in an extreme amount of pain. It's because that's how your brain works. And I cannot tell you how many people I speak to now who are just like going backwards and realizing like, I was silent and my nurses are saying to me, look at you, you're so calm, you're so great. The other thing about neurodivergent people, especially neurodivergent people who are diagnosed later in life, is we have a lot of rsd, we have a lot of Rejection sensitivity disorder, which means we wanna be the best patient. I'm not going to ask you for water. God forbid I ask for anything because I am high. Masking and I am going to be the best patient because I cannot handle any rejection. So first of all, I'm quiet because that's how my brain reacts when I'm in pain. Second, I'm trying to be the best patient out there and I'm masking to like the end. So I'm exhaust, I was going to.
- [18:10]
Alex
Say, which is exhaust exhausted.
- [18:13]
Alex Myers
Okay, so what. When you're a duo, you need to figure these things out before you walk into the room with them. You need to know, are you going to get quiet? Because as a. When I have a client, I know to look for when they start getting client. And that's when I flag to someone. We got to focus now because she's in pain and she. And they're going to say, oh, she's quiet. You're like this person is this kind of brain. And when they're in an extreme amount of pain, they're going to shut down. The advocacy takes on a different role. So I just. There's so many layers of this and really I got really excited to talk about it, but it's just, it becomes like this is a safety thing. You know this about your client and they may not know it about themselves, which is like the wildest piece. And so having these kinds of conversations when you're doing your birth plan, you have to, you have to know. I have.
- [19:08]
Alex
I'm literally speechless. Cuz I'm thinking back to my breath and I'm like, maybe I haven't. Maybe because I. That was me. I was so quiet and I performed.
- [19:17]
Alex Myers
I was like backing jokes with the nurses.
- [19:20]
Alex
What was I doing? Oh my God. Yeah.
- [19:22]
Alex Myers
That's how I handle. That's how. Where my brain goes. Like, I have to be the best patient. I have to mask like crazy and I won't ask for my needs. Like the first time I was in labor, I'll never forget this. I was induced. There's a whole thing. I was like. And a nurse got, thank God, lowered herself down to me. I was on the ball and she said, you can ask for an epidural. I was open to it. Like I am as a. I am telling you I have no problem on how you want to manage your pain meds, like your pain management. Like, I'm open. I'm going to give you all the information, but it's your body you decide and I'm going to help you advocate for that. And I needed that. I needed that nurse to like lower down and give me permission because I would never have given myself permission. And the second time I gave birth, the nurse was different nurse. And she never gave me permission. And I. It was. I needed the permission. I was waiting for it.
- [20:22]
Alex
Oh, my gosh.
- [20:23]
Alex Myers
So I. That's. That's why I'm saying, like, my brain, it needed that permission, and I had I known that I needed that, I would have put that in my birth plan and then someone would have. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
- [20:37]
Alex
Okay. Like, as a. As a doula.
- [20:40]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [20:41]
Alex
I feel like now I know myself very well, but when I was 20 years ago having babies, I did not. And I'm. Maybe that's common as a dulip. You're. What can we look for at a birth?
- [20:54]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [20:54]
Alex
Be like, oh, maybe.
- [20:57]
Alex Myers
Listen, in a perfect situation, you have had these conversations beforehand.
- [21:04]
Alex
Yeah.
- [21:04]
Alex Myers
You have gone through it. And on your birth plan, because the birth plan, you're going to hand to the nurse, you're going to hand to the doctor. And if you're neurodivergent, I highly recommend that the birth plan is prepared in advance and you have a doctor's appointment where. Where you go through all of these things with your doctor. Listen, your doctor may not be in the room, but they know how they are. Sorry. Midway, too. I should say, like, off. But they know how their facility works, and they're going to give you tips and tricks and understanding. Like. Okay, so I want. You're telling me that you have a sound sensitivity. I want you to know, like, that this happens in the room. So if you want, you could always ask the nurse.
- [21:43]
Alex
Tell.
- [21:43]
Alex Myers
Tell them doctors told you that you can turn off the monitor. Right. This type of access I want you to have as a dual act. I want you to arm them, to go into those conversations, having had this conversation and get. Helping them figure out what they need. And then when you're there, you can be acutely attuned to what they need. And often. Where is it on the. But neurodivergent people really like other neurodivergent people. Like, we come together, we get each other, we fall in love, we often have babies, date. So the other thing I want you to really think about is what about the partner? Yeah. Are they neurodivergent? Are they gonna shut down when they see the person that they love or the person they care about in pain? How do they do in those situations? What are their basic needs? That. Okay. In labor? Right. Like, we're focused on the person that's birthed, that's birthing. But the partner, if they have ADHD and the Sleep is like a non negotiable basic need for some neurodivergent brains. Are we, are we giving them permission to take those breaks? Are we setting themselves up to be the best partners and are they able to advocate or do I, as the doula, have to advocate? Yeah, that's another part of your role as a doula for a neurodivergent family is like understanding where the strengths are, what the basic needs are of both the birther and the partner. And like your rule might look different in that room. Because if partner who has a neurodivergent brain is shutting down and birther is shutting down, like you need to step up in a different way. You're never going to make decisions for this person. It's their body. But you're going to buy them the time. You're going to buy them the silence. You're going to use, you know, your brain, your informed consent brain. Right. You're going to go to nothing and you're going to say, I need time for them to make this decision work doing Nothing. Give me 10 minutes. Yeah. Kind of things that you really need to the skill set and the tools you have to pull into the room. Whereas maybe it might be different if it's a neurotypical affair.
- [24:02]
Alex
I can imagine this is highly powerful and helpful. Also when you're processing a birth with a couple, oh, your partner wasn't a jerk. They were that they needed a break or like helping them realize what some of the stuff that was happening.
- [24:22]
Alex Myers
Yeah. There's a lot of birth trauma for neurodivergent people. Also there's a lot of medical trauma that they're walking into. They're like, the whole thing is really traumatic.
- [24:30]
Alex
Yeah.
- [24:30]
Alex Myers
See, can be really traumatic because you're out of control of your body. So some people like love that feeling of the baby moving. But a lot of like autistic people, it's awful. It's so awful. And everyone's saying, oh, don't you just love it? And that can be really invalidating everything that you take for granted. I think if you go into it saying like being really curious and saying like, how does that feel for you? Because it's not guaranteed that it's gonna feel great. And knowing that it's also like bonding with your baby. Right. That instant connection for a neurodivergent person, that's really challenging. It's really hard. And so I could keep going. But like all of these things that we take for granted or that we assume is positive or feels good may feel the absolute opposite. And so your openness as a doula to your openness to like affirm that experience and to allow them the space to talk about it is going to change how they have to process like postpartum.
- [25:39]
Alex
Yeah. Amazing. So you have on your website and I'll put the link you have sell a birth planning bundle for neurodivergent planet families to help them with the birth planning and we could talk a little bit more about that. But I wanna, I'm always like, let's the postpartum doulas need love too.
- [25:57]
Alex Myers
So. Okay, first, by the way, postpartum is my passion. Like I'm obsessed with postpartum and that's how I entered this world is I only wanted to be a postpartum doula. Postpartum is huge because so I, when I have a client, we do a big birth planning session and I do it ideally with a partner. I also do a big postpartum planning session and those to me are the most interesting because that's where you like really see the dynamic if there's a couple. And I think it's just being so cool. But in that session what we're talking about is we're renegotiating the terms of how you function in your day to day and when you have a neurodivergent couple family birther. I think it's your job as the doula to be really clear on expectations. Expectations of what they should have of themselves and what they should have of this period. Because only through like real transparency of what it looks like to be postpartum when you are neurodivergent can you really do the work of how do I prepare myself, my family for what's to come? And a lot of that is like how do I build out this support network and how am I really clear on what it's going to, what I, what my needs are going to be. And you negotiate that within a family and a couple. And then we look at how much money do you have to like allocate to support and what does that support need to look like and do I need to start looking for it right now? Well, the answer is yes. But let's be honest. I have a mother in law and is she actually going to show up every Thursday and give me a break? I don't know. I've yet to see one, but maybe I believe in it. I have an aunt or a cousin or whatever. But what's the reality of what that support's going to look like? And what do I really need? And that discrepancy, like, gives the doula room to say. Room to say, we need to bring in more help here. So is that me as a postpartum doula? Is that a nanny? Is that a night nurse? Is that. I don't know. Is taking cleaning your house off the table? Like, is removing that going to leave more space for other things? So having that conversation, I think, before is really important. Step one of postpartum for neurodivergent people. And then I think the other thing, and I talk about this with my clients a lot, is, okay. Most of us at this age, we're not taught to care for ourselves. Especially if you were brought up as a woman, you are taught to take care of everybody else, not taught to care for yourself. If you're neurodivergent and postpartum, you don't have a choice. You have to start taking care of yourself. Buy it. It's a skill like anything else you're learning. Right. It's not like I'm gonna wake up one day and be like, I'm so bright at caring for myself. No, I don't have it. I'm sorry.
- [28:56]
Alex
Just as anybody ever.
- [28:58]
Alex Myers
We take a really long time. We should. We should have known how to do this our whole life, but we didn't. So I, as a postpartum doula, what my role has always been is like, I'm coming in. I'm going to help you in the moment. Right. I'm going to get dirty. I'm going to get into it. I'm going to help you. But I also really want to teach you how to care for yourself. So that when I'm not here anymore and, like, I'm here forever with you, but, like, when I'm not in the trenches with you anymore, that you're gonna reflect back on the tools that I left with you to continue to care for yourself.
- [29:30]
Alex
Yeah.
- [29:31]
Alex Myers
And you may not be able at this point to do it for yourself, because that's like, expert level for you to wake up and be like, I need to take care of myself for myself. Expert level. You may not be there, but if you can't say that to yourself yet, then what I'm saying to you is, then do it for your kid. Do it for your baby, because want them to know how to do this. And the best way to teach your baby how to care for themselves is for them to watch you doing it to yourself.
- [29:58]
Alex
Yeah.
- [29:59]
Alex Myers
So that those are like, my two big things for postpartum, because yes. Like I could talk to you all day about like tools and tricks and processes and systems that you could give your clients and that. Follow me on Instagram, I'll talk about those things. But if I am saying to you as opposed parent jeweler, what I want you to. To look at differently is I want you to look at how you're preparing a neurodivergent family and I want you to teach them how to care for themselves so that in the long term they're gonna be. They're gonna be in a better situation. Their risk of those postpartum mental health disorders, it lowers if they're ba. If they're meeting their basic needs. And as parents, they're gonna be stronger in showing their kids how to do that.
- [30:44]
Alex
Yeah. Oh yeah. And I think, and like you said at the very beginning, this goes for. This is for neurotypical families too, a huge. I've always considered that a huge part of my role at the postpartum doula is like modeling actually. And I was just talking about this yesterday, like modeling good care for yourself. Like telling your clients like, oh, I'm taking this week in July off perfect. You big reason don't as a doula, don't bend over backwards and kill your. Go to work with your clients. But I love everything you said. It's always our role to work ourselves out of a job and that. And especially if our clients are neurodivergent, like teaching them ways to manage everything they need to manage in the future.
- [31:34]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [31:35]
Alex
When. After. After the postpartum doula.
- [31:39]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [31:39]
Alex
It's off into the nights and then I love how you talk about. Cause I do this too. Setting up your home.
- [31:47]
Alex Myers
Yep.
- [31:48]
Alex
But as for when you're neurodivergent, I was thinking, we talked about going to the hospital and the bright lights and stuff. If you're neurodivergent like you've. You've made your home conducive to you and. But I'm sure there's more you can do in the postpartum period.
- [32:06]
Alex Myers
A hundred percent. And like things like I talk about a sensory friendly nursery when you're making the baby's room or the baby's space, I should say, by the way, this is genetic. Right. Like our brains are connected to the way our eating. Like you said in your kids. Right. So the things that soothe you often are going to soothe your kids. But you're spending a lot of time with this baby in their space. So creating a room, a space for them that feels good to you. So we'll talk about lighting, we'll talk about like noises in the room. What feels good? Does white noise feel good? Does brown noise feel good? Does music feel good? Like, we talk about all of these things because the calmer and more regulated your nervous system is, the better you are at coping with all the things that are out of control. And it's almost like we're stacking, right? Like I'm trying to stack your nervous system up. So keeping your home calm, if cleanliness can feel really good to some people and messiness can feel really good to other people. And so we have to figure out like, what's the balance there? And so I can come in and I'll help you figure out systems to keep laundry going or sure, I have all those tools. But like you're, you need to be in your space and feel good, right? The, that whole sensory lens, it applies across the board, it applies to your postpartum period. What, like what sheets feel good to you? If you're going to be spending time in your bed, you. Would you rather be on a couch? Would you rather be in your bed? And if so, let's set up your nursing beating whatever station where you want to be. Like, if I like being on the couch, then I'm going to set up a station at the couch. If I like being in my bed, I'm going to set up my station in the bed. So the sensory piece of it, it stretches across everything. And one thing to keep in mind while we're on it is the feeling of holding. Like the feelings of postpartum can be really triggering to neurodivergent people. And if that's true, that's totally okay. Holding your baby could be agony. And the smell, there's so many smells, but the smell can be awful for you. Some people love it, some people hate it. The feeling of letdown, especially for neurodivergent people, can be agony. Agony. And it's not because your body's doing anything wrong. It's just because your sensitivities are heightened and already it can be uncomfortable. And then as a doula, I just have to be aware that it's just gonna feel so different and making sure that we are like non judgmental and helpful and sometimes the help, like there's nothing I can really do about how it feels to you. I can't change that. But me listening to you and giving you and saying this is totally common. This happens to a lot of neurodivergent people. And I understand. And if this is too Much for you. If this is agony, then you don't have to keep going. Yeah, right. Giving that permission again, it goes back to the permission.
- [35:29]
Alex
I was just gonna say that. Nursing for you.
- [35:31]
Alex Myers
Yeah. But giving the permission to say, I know that the way you're feeling right now is not how your neighbor's feeling or whatever, and this is painful and I believe you and you don't have to keep doing it. And that's okay. So. Yeah, I think, like, your role as a doula in these situations with these types of families is just. It's different and the same and just so important.
- [35:54]
Alex
Yeah, it's. Oh, it's true. I think doula work in general is life changing, but in this case, it's heightened. And even I was thinking of your care as a doula is heightened always in my work as a postpartum doula, had that on my list of make. I was thought of my role as that I help make the house calm.
- [36:18]
Alex Myers
Yeah.
- [36:19]
Alex
And give. Giving them that permission. No, you don't need 700 pictures and toys in here. Let's trim some of this out. And so I don't know. This is so fascinating and I'm so glad, Alex, that you are talking about this. It's so important. So we're bumping up against time here, but I want everyone to tell us your website.
- [36:45]
Alex Myers
Okay. So My website is www.lovetender.ly. and I have a lot of resources and tools there that you can absolutely share with your clients. A bunch of free stuff. And I have a blog that I'm constantly updating with these, like, tricks and tools so that you could. You can use those. I want you to use those with your clients. And as you said, like, the more that we talk, the better. If you have a platform and you want to talk about it, reach out to me. I'm happy to help you with that. Yeah, like, we just have to be talking about it because the more we as professionals and birth workers talk about it, the more of our audience and our clients start to feel comfortable asking for what they need and asking for those accommodations. So, yeah, I think let's talk about it and add me so that we could talk together about it. And I would love. If you ever have a family or a client and you're unsure of how to move forward, reach out to me because I'm happy to help.
- [37:47]
Alex
Yeah. And you can contact you via your website or like I said, everybody needs to follow you on Instagram @lovetender.ly underscore doula. Your content is so good and so educational and as doulas we should actually be having our clients follow you too if they are urgent and get this birth planning guide. I think that will be really helpful if you're working with families. Alex thank you so much for coming on the podcast today and for everything that you're doing and I hope you all enjoyed this episode.
- [38:24]
Darcy
Thank you for tuning in to the Dula Darcy Podcast. I hope you found this episode valuable and I'd love for you to join me on the next one. Let's keep the conversation going. Shoot me a DM on Instagram thedula Darcy or join my free Facebook community the Doula Marketing Group where we dive deeper into growing your doula business. If you enjoyed the episode, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast on your favorite platform. Your Feedback Feedback will help more doulas discover the show, which in turn helps more families find the doula support that they need. And I believe that that is how we save the world.