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The Doula Darcy Podcast
When Doing "Nothing" Is Everything: Redefining Postpartum Doula Support
00:14:09
Postpartum doulas often equate their value with how much they do—laundry folded, dishes washed, bottles sterilized. But what if the most meaningful support has nothing to do with physical tasks? In this episode, Darcy challenges the productivity...
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- [00:04]
Darcy
Welcome to the Doula Darcy podcast. I'm your host, Darcy, a business coach for doulas, and I love helping my fellow doulas master the art of marketing so that they can grow their businesses and help more families. On the podcast, I combine my decade of experience in Advertising with 14 years as a doula to empower other doulas with the marketing strategies and mindset shifts they need to attract more clients and create successful, fulfilling doula careers. Whether you're just starting out as a doula or you're looking to take your doula business to the next level, you're in the right place. Let's go.
- [00:46]
Postpartum Doula
This one is for the postpartum doulas. I always joke that we get a bad rap like everything in the continuing ed worlds for birth doulas. So as someone who has solely been a postpartum doula, I never say only a postpartum doula. I have been solely a postpartum doula for the past 15 years. And let's talk about what it's like when you have a client that doesn't need a lot of physical support. So this is something that I talk about a lot, and it just came up in my doula village. So I thought, okay, this is the sign. I'm gonna do a podcast about this. So in our especially American culture, as little girls, we are raised to believe that our worth is directly connected to how hard we work and how much we produce. And as postpartum doulas, we tend to think that we are only doing a good job. We are only earning our money if we get a lot done on our shifts. And I did this too for years. The first couple years as a postpartum doula, I really thought I had. It wasn't a successful shift if I didn't get two loads of laundry done, a sink full of dishes, wash all the bottles. I just had a list of physical tasks I thought I needed to complete to do a good job as a postpartum doula. And while, yes, that is part of our job, sometimes the most important, beneficial thing we can do for that mom is sit down on the couch with her and just listen. And I certainly had my share of shifts like that in the beginning and throughout my career. But in the beginning, I would be sitting there listening to her, but in my head, like, going crazy. She's going to be so mad. She's not going to want to pay me. At the end of this shift, I'm not doing anything. I'm not getting anything done. When in reality I was, what's more important than listening to and validating a new mom's feelings? What's more important than listening to her concerns when her pediatrician is brushing her off, her OB is brushing her off, and they don't have enough time with her? How valuable is it to sit down with a new mom and listen and talk and give her some resources or ideas if she asks for it? But it's really hard, right? Have you experienced this feeling that she's not going to be happy at the end because you're not really, quote, unquote, doing anything? And it always happened that. I remember one client I had who not only did I not do anything, I didn't even say anything. I was a warm body on her couch, smiling and nodding and listening to her while she just talked. She was just one of those people. That's how she processed things. She was feeling lonely. She just wanted someone to talk to. And sometimes it was processing her birth story, sometimes it was telling me about what she did in college. And it was hilarious because she wrote me the most glowing testimonial about how amazing I was. After every shift, she would say, thank you so much. I just. I don't know what I would do without you here. And I think that was the turning point for me where I realized this is of value. I don't necessarily have to knock off 10 things on a physical to do list to give my clients the support that they need. And that is a key issue. And that is actually something my trainer taught us to ask on our postpartum, on our prenatal interviews with clients when they were hiring us. What kind of support do you anticipate needing? And no one's going to say, oh, I'm a verbal. Maybe someone will, but no one. People will say, oh, I just need a little set of extra hands, or I have no family around or whatever, or I have a history of depression. Whatever they say, no one's going to say. I'm a verbal processor and I'm going to just need you to sit and listen with me. But you can, by asking that question. But also just being with these moms in these first couple shifts, you can really start to see if you pay attention and notice, like, what they're really craving. Was it sleep? Do they need a snack? But do they need validation? Are they really anxious and want to talk through all sorts of scenarios? And when you can give them the kind of support that they are craving, they're going to be so happy. And maybe that looks like you not really doing much sitting on the couch. I was always floored in these kinds of situations where the moms happily paid my bill, happily paid my full rate for me to not do much. Another reason I wanted to do this episode is that I just had a prenatal interview on the phone. Like, someone had emailed in or filled out the form on my website. We set up a call for her to learn more about our agency's services, and she talked the whole time. And she had a traumatic birth. Her baby was born with a health issue. And so the baby was three days old. And halfway through the interview, I realized, this isn't an interview. She needs to just talk about this. And I thought, whatever. I've blocked off this time on my schedule. But then after 15 minutes, I said, here's what we charge. Here's the thing, here's our minimums, and what we'll need from you to get started. And she was like, that sounds amazing. You guys are so great. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I'll be in touch. And we ended the call, and I sent her a contract via email. So I think we can very much tend to get caught up in the doing and the performing and bending over backwards and going all in, and we just don't need to. And there's a few more things I want to say about this, but it's our culture's framework that our worth is inherently tied to our productivity, and that's just not true. And we have carried that over into postpartum doula work, probably birth doula work, too. We've carried that over into motherhood, like, oh, I'm not a good mom unless I'm making homemade organic muffins and doing flashcards with my kids and taking them on exciting trips and reading to them and snuggling like, no, to be a good mom, you just have to show up and love your kid. To be a good postpartum doula, you just have to show up and love on your client. Do you know the only research, the only true research that's been done on doulas, I believe, is that Guatemalan study about birth doulas, where they weren't even studying birth doulas. They had women who were laboring. And then there was a curtain and then some. There was the control group and then the study group, and they told the women in the study study group that on the other side of this curtain was a woman who'd given birth before that was going to sit there for the entirety of their labor. They couldn't See them, they didn't talk, they didn't do hip squeezes, they didn't do anything. They literally didn't talk. They didn't even say encouraging words. These laboring women just knew there was someone on the other side of the curtain that had been through this before and they reported much better outcomes and feelings about their birth. So in our, the only study we have about our work, the people didn't even do anything. So we, we don't have to over deliver in these ways that we do. And what I really want to talk about is how this can translate over into virtual support for people. Everybody. Not everybody. I hear so many people saying, oh, I'm a postpartum doula. I love being one on one with clients and in their home. And yes, that's fantastic. But they're looking for other ways to earn income or not have such a physical job or they just want to be able to work with clients anywhere. So they're exploring virtual doula services. And I am here to say there is so much that you can provide all these things like yes, postpartum doulas, we'll do your laundry, we'll make you a sandwich, we'll hold the baby while you nap and shower. Yes, that's all fantastic, but I don't know what's that 30% of our job, the other 70% of the support that we do that just we don't value enough or talk about enough or I don't know, but that other 70% of support where we're listening without judging, where we're educating, nurturing, validating, providing resources, helping process, being a friend, reminding them to, you can't go make them a sandwich, you can't fill their water bottle. But on a virtual session you can remind them like, hey, where's your water bottle? Hey, have you know what have you eaten today? Can you go, what are some high protein, healthy snacks you could go grab right now for our call? So don't get caught up in the hands on part of our role as postpartum doulas. Remember that there is just as much if not more value in the emotional educational support that we provide and that we can do also virtually if that's something that you're looking to add in to your business. So I would love to hear what you all think about this. Shoot me a DM on Instagram, send me an email. Darcy theduladarcy.com I want to know if this was helpful to you. I want to know, I want to hear or go in the doula Marketing Group, my free Facebook group and share if you've experienced this. Like clients that just want to sit on the couch and talk and share if you're offering virtual postpartum doula services. Because I think this is something that is first of all going to help moms everywhere because it's a lot more affordable and accessible to everyone to have to hop on a zoom with them versus driving over to their house and being there for four hours or overnight. It's a way to provide some fantastic doula support to people who maybe can't afford in person postpartum doula. So there's a need and it's also a wonderful way to add a different I'm all about adding those multiple revenue streams into your doula business. So I think this is a fantastic way. So if this if you're hearing this and this is the push you needed, I am so happy to provide that for you. So hope you have a great rest of your day.
- [13:28]
Darcy
Thank you for tuning in to the Doula Darcy Podcast. I hope you found this episode valuable and I'd love for you to join me on the next one. Let's keep the conversation going. Shoot me a DM on Instagram Hedla Darcy or join my free Facebook community, the Doula Marketing Group, where we dive deeper into growing your doula business. If you enjoyed the episode, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast on your favorite platform. Your feedback will help more doulas discover the show, which in turn helps more families find the doula support that they need. And I believe that that is how we save the.