← The Dr. John Delony Show
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- [00:06]
Dr. John DeLoney
This is a special episode. This is an Ask me anything that we do at the end or beginning of every year.
- [00:10]
Kelly
Usually we do them on the hundred, like the 100, 200, 300.
- [00:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
You forgot.
- [00:14]
Kelly
No, We've been sending you the questions to pick from since June. Yeah, and you haven't. It was supposed to be on the 600th episode. And this is episode 679.
- [00:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
What up? What's going on? This is jon on the Dr. John DeLoney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us. I'm so, so grateful. Every single one of you. Mowing, vacuuming, just sitting under the covers trying to ignore your family during the holidays or the new year. What? What? When is this coming out, Kelly?
- [00:49]
Kelly
Two days after Christmas, which for most people is probably past mowing season, I would think. For most people.
- [00:54]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. But if you're like me, you can hide on the mower, dude. You can just be like, ah, got a mow. This is when you can hide and mow up all your leaves. You're not doing anything. Or you can snow blow. Is that a thing? I just remember that from Short Circuit. Remember that movie?
- [01:08]
Kelly
I. Yes. But I think for people living far north, northern, farther up north than we do snow blowing.
- [01:16]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's the literally the most southern thing you've ever said. More. More Northerner. Good job. This show is brought to you by Kelly's reading ability. Hooked on phonics. She has an app out. You don't. So, hey, this is a special episode. This is an Ask me anything that we do at the end or beginning of every year. And I don't know, we've been doing this for four or five years now, so we've maybe done two or three of them. So maybe sometimes we do this.
- [01:43]
Kelly
Actually, we've done quite a few because it usually we do them on the hundred, like the 100, 200, 300. But if we're being real transparent here, you forgot. No. We've been sending you the questions to pick from since June.
- [01:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [01:57]
Kelly
And you haven't.
- [01:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [01:59]
Kelly
So it was supposed to be on the 600th episode, but I like.
- [02:02]
Dr. John DeLoney
I like AMAs coming in cold and.
- [02:03]
Kelly
Then just so people know. So it was on the 600th episode. We planned it. And this is episode 679.
- [02:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
I like.
- [02:11]
Kelly
But you never said that. You just ignore the email.
- [02:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
Listen, I like coming in cold. I can't stand, like, overly prepared because they look like, like, they look. I don't like, prepared, slick, like tick tocky, videoy things. I like listening to somebody. Do you actually know what you're talking about? And is it in your gut somewhere?
- [02:31]
Kelly
I don't think anyone will ever compute. Confuse us for prepared and slick. I just don't.
- [02:35]
Dr. John DeLoney
You know, those. Those words have never, you know, like, Deloney was very prepared. That sentence has never been uttered ever, ever. All right, so let's let him rip.
- [02:44]
Kelly
All right, question number one.
- [02:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
Ask me anything.
- [02:47]
Kelly
What is the most common relationship advice people get wrong?
- [02:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
Relationship advice that people get wrong, that they can something around, they can do something to change their romantic partner, that there's some kind of behavior, some kind of something that I can do to make you do something different. We just don't have that kind of control like we wish we did.
- [03:09]
Kelly
Can you give an example?
- [03:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
Maybe the most common question I get is, I want my partner to stop drinking. How do I make my partner have more sex with me? How can I? Like, you can do things like not be an ass, like, be kind. You can do things like be hygienic. You can do some things, but the other person ultimately has to make a decision more. More heartbreaking. How can I help my husband be less depressed? How can I help my wife be less anxious? Or how can I help my wife with her postpartum? The challenge is you can help with the environment, but at the end of the day, somebody's got to want to or be able to. Or take your hand and walk with you towards healing. And it's hard when you love somebody and they're hurting on the other end of that. But I think the most common advice is five tips to make him fall for you or three tips. It's just all bull crap, dude. You can create a context, but the most important thing is can you sit down and look at somebody and say, here's. Here's what I want. Here's what I need. Will you be with me? And they have to say yay or nay. And that's. That's scary. Scary. That's a lack of control that. That we. We don't have a psychology for in our culture.
- [04:21]
Kelly
So I'm going off script here a bit. So I think. I think it's more prominently female than male, is my guess that we grow up with the idea somehow of we can change it, you know?
- [04:35]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. Yeah.
- [04:35]
Kelly
And I don't know where that comes from.
- [04:38]
Dr. John DeLoney
I. I think it. I don't know how old that sentiment is, but I'm guessing it's 25 or 30 years old. Maybe. I can be way off from that.
- [04:47]
Kelly
Oh, way older. I mean, I think that's been because.
- [04:49]
Dr. John DeLoney
I think my mom. I think my mom and dad, in their generation of being married, they're in their 70s, men just were, and women just were. And then it became this idea that men masculinity. This idea. And it's. And it's. There's all different derivatives of this, but there's something wrong with it. The fact that men go to work and duke it out with each other every day over tiny little postage stamps of yard. Right. There's something wrong with that inherently. And so if men would just fill in the blank with any number of different behaviors, and somehow that became a woman's responsibility. And she's always held. Not always, but for the last couple hundred years especially, she always held chastity, always held, like, the cornerstone here. Because women have out, like, disproportionately held the. If this thing goes bad, right, you have to remain chased 200 years ago because getting pregnant could kill you. Right. Or it could bring great shame to your family if you got pregnant. So you had to. Or you have to just kind of suck it up for the last thousands and thousands of years because you weren't allowed to have a job. You weren't allowed to own property. Right. So I think in the last 25, 30, 40 years, as things have. Have. Have the playing field has begun to level a bit with same jobs and rising incomes, and women just have more options. They have looked at men as projects like, oh, I can make him X, Y, and Z. Yeah.
- [06:19]
Kelly
So it sounds almost like. So I'm a Gen X. That it's kind of. We were the first generation of.
- [06:25]
Dr. John DeLoney
I'm totally making that up. I don't. That's actually a good question, but it sounds right to me.
- [06:28]
Kelly
Yeah. Because, I mean, I know there's the idea of, you know, you date the guy that's kind of an ass, but you're like. And you know that everyone's told you he is, and. But you're like, oh, I can. I can.
- [06:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
I'll be the one who can change him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll. I'll tame the wild dragon. Yeah, right. I don't know, Ben. I know you were called the Wild Dragon back in high school, so I've never even heard it. How'd you know? I mean, your tattoo. This says wild dragon across your back, but I. I'm making that up. But. And. And let's take for granted, maybe for all of human history, women have thought, I can change him. I think there's been this assumption that Men don't have to. I don't have to change. I can just be the way I am, however I want to, whenever I want to. And that's just not the case anymore, because women can leave. They've got other options. And so maybe that's it.
- [07:18]
Kelly
All right, question two.
- [07:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
Does that ring true?
- [07:20]
Kelly
Oh, I think so. Because I think even. Well, so I'm thinking back to. Cause, you know, I'm a huge history buff, especially like, 14th, 15th century history, and when women, you know, we didn't have the rights, we couldn't divorce or leave. But I know that, you know, there was a way that women would manipulate situations. You deal with the power you have.
- [07:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's right.
- [07:43]
Kelly
You know, and so I think that that's probably gone through the centuries and, you know, the decades as women had more power and more power because it was all. It was the only way they had to control their environment and so stay.
- [07:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
Safe and not dead.
- [07:54]
Kelly
Right, exactly. And I have to figure out some way to get what I want, because I don't have a say so. And then all of a sudden, when things were not completely level, but more.
- [08:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
Level, and you could get a mortgage and a credit card.
- [08:06]
Kelly
Right, exactly. You know, we get a bank account without having to get my husband's opinion, you know, thoughts on it.
- [08:11]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's when things went sideways in the Kelly Daniel household. But. Keep going.
- [08:15]
Kelly
Anywho. But yeah. So then all of a sudden, it was like, well, now I can fix him, and I kind of have my.
- [08:23]
Dr. John DeLoney
Life exactly as I want it.
- [08:24]
Kelly
Right.
- [08:24]
Dr. John DeLoney
And I want. I want the bad guy. Right. I want the bad boy. But I. I want the. But I want him to be the bad guy in. In the world that I.
- [08:34]
Kelly
Context. Yeah. Within my guardrails that are. Okay.
- [08:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [08:38]
Kelly
And I think there's also something. And I may be out of, you know, out in left field here on this one, but this is probably not overly kind to my own sex either. But there's a whole idea that we're the. Like, we can change him because we're so amazing. Like, he's gonna want to be with us, so he'll change.
- [08:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, gotcha.
- [08:58]
Kelly
I think there's definitely some of that about. I'm the one that'll be. I'm the one.
- [09:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
I can do it, and I'm the.
- [09:04]
Kelly
One that can change it when no one else could.
- [09:06]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's interesting, because I've always. I've always known about the world. Shifting power of teenage male American Western arrogance when they would line men up. So, like, for all Human history. They'd line up, you know, warriors and say, 99 out of 100 of you are not coming home. And there was a Zen about it. There was the. Whether it's Marcus Aurelius, whether it is the ancient Eastern, there's a Zen, a. I'm going to give my life to a greater cause. This is my role. And then you get this adoption of a Western male In World War I, World War II, they lined him up and they said, Hey, 90% of y'all are not coming home. Nine out of 10 of you will die. And they lined him up and looked to the left and looked to the right and it was like, sucks to be that dude, because I'm coming home. And there was this sense of this insane self aggrandizement, like, I am. I will beat the odds at every turn. And if enough people think that, weirdly, a lot of y'all beat the odds. But it never occurred to me that women do that too. Like, you know, I'll change them. I. I could change them.
- [10:06]
Kelly
Oh, yeah, I think that that's. Do you agree, Taylor? Is that still a thing?
- [10:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
I'll. I can do it.
- [10:11]
Kelly
Yeah, I can be the one. Because either I'm so amazing. Not even that, but just like, I can do with all, you know, all these other women who talk about what a horrible human he is. I can.
- [10:21]
Dr. John DeLoney
I got it.
- [10:22]
Kelly
I got it. There's something in me. Or he'll see something in me and he'll be like, she's the one. I'll change. So I like, you're so worth it. I'm going to change for you.
- [10:31]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's it. It's. I'm so worth it, huh? Look at me learning today on the John Deloney Show. That's awesome.
- [10:38]
Kelly
All right, question two. When should you delete pictures of your ex significant other?
- [10:44]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, jeez. This is a question that's, like beyond me because I grew up, I didn't grow up in this world. I. I've still got, like. I remember my wife hilariously made, like, back in the day, you just had stacks of photos that you would get developed. My wife one time, we were probably three or four years, and she made it. It's hilarious. And I still have it. I mean, somewhere in the Deloney archive somewhere. But she made me like, a photo album of all, like, any X photo that she found. And it was, it was hilarious. Like from that's amazing. Middle school, high school into caught, like, she made this like, thing. And it was, it was funny and it was her Kind of being like, I wonder. But also like, she's like, well, she was really pretty and she. I mean, so it was. It made for a hilarious interaction. But I don't know. I mean, I. I'm sure there's pictures in our house somewhere in an old photo album of my wife's boyfriend. I don't know, I just. I could care less. I know the game has shifted dramatically to all this is public facing and there's these public declarations. What was it that. Who's that country artist? That's kind of a big deal right now. Zach something.
- [11:56]
Kelly
Zach. Brian.
- [11:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. Whose girlfriend said she found out that she got dumped on Instagram. On Instagram post or like, it's just a world that I'm. It's foreign to me. So I guess here's the. The. What I would say is the magic answer. Talk to each other and I could. I could give seven boxes of farts. If the photos of my wife's ex boyfriends are somewhere in a photo album, if they're on a frame on the wall, that's weird, right? So maybe social media, that's what that is now, right? That's the frame on the wall. So, yeah, I would take them down pretty, pretty quick. But like, in terms of, like, I don't know that you go and scrub everything. I remember an important conversation with my wife one time, and it's. I mean, this is several years ago, it's not a long time ago, but I said, hey, you've never asked about, you know, X, Y and Z, this person I dated or that person I dated or who I was dating during this period. And she said something that was really instructive. She said, I've never asked because I can't know. I said, what do you mean you can't know? And she goes, she was. I just, I can't. I can't. I just don't want to go there. Like, I love my life and I love our life together. And in my head I'm thinking we've been together over a quarter century and then later on, maybe three, four weeks, a month later, I don't remember. But I said, hey, it feels like there's parts of me that you can't love or that you have to pretend don't exist. And I said, that's weird to me. It's not weird that you don't want to hear the intimate details of my old girlfriends that I totally understand. But it is weird to me that, like, there's parts of me, There's. There's closet doors you can't open. And she smiled and she goes, you got me on that. Like, I think you're right on that. And so then out of the blue, maybe six months later, she was like, all right, who are you dating? From here to here? And it ended up being a hilarious, funny, like, no way. Like, it was a fun conversation. But I think there's that. We like to pretend that everyone's past doesn't exist up until the moment we're with them and their history begins the day we say hi. Right. And I don't think that's healthy. I think there's a healthier aspect to know. Like, I want to know all of you. I know about you. And if there's parts of you that I think I can't know about me, the. My understanding of exposure therapy and working with anxiety and. And dys, like, you have to head into that. Like, tell me about it. I want to know all of you. And there's always the who weaponizes. Like, that doesn't mean you go into all of the grotesque details of all of your escapades and all of your. Well, she was really good at. No, no, no. You're a terrible person. Breakup. But I think there's something about knowing each other's history.
- [14:37]
Kelly
What about. So this. This situation came up this weekend. So I have a friend of mine that recently got divorced, and we were at her house, and I'm at her house all the time, but one of our other friends happened to know. She was like, you still have one of your wedding pictures up. And she was like, well, he's still the father of my son.
- [14:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [14:57]
Kelly
And like, she had pictures in her house of them as a family, and she's like, well. Cause this is still his house, and this is. These are his parents.
- [15:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [15:04]
Kelly
You know, but, like, I know I have. You know, I was married prior, no kids, but I have a box that's like our wedding album and stuff like that. And I remember one time, years and years ago, saying something to my husband about, should I get rid of this? He's like, why would you? It's part of who you are.
- [15:18]
Dr. John DeLoney
And plus, like, every, like, six weeks or seven weeks, like, you get, like, half a bottle of red wine, and you're just, like, going through the box.
- [15:24]
Kelly
And you're like, no, I don't drink beef.
- [15:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
Just.
- [15:27]
Kelly
No, But I think. I mean, if I was doing that. But if, like, the idea that, like, he's like, I mean, it's just part of who you are. It's in A box in the attic. But it's like throwing it away doesn't make it not exist. And like my kids know I was married.
- [15:41]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. So anybody who dates your friend knows she made a life with somebody and it didn't work out. For whatever reason, it didn't work out. And so that's a part of whoever that person's gonna date. So pretending that didn't happen is insane. And also like there's that Michael Scott, remember when he, he's dating that, that woman and he cuts out, he cuts out her husband, Ex husband's face and like on a ski photo with the family and like tapes his face in there, glues his face in there. Don't do that. That's insane. Right. And I do think there's a moment where if your friend got remarried, having a b. Bunch of photos in the house of another guy hang on the wall. That's weird, right? So I can see a bunch of photos on my social media profile. If you're newly married to someone who used to have a long term, like, that's weird. That's weird. But is what it is. What about when your iPhone or Facebook account pulls up photos that you would rather not be seeing on your day to day life? Like if you have a painful breakup, then what do you do? Like not wanting things to be curated of Facebook saying like, remember this. And you're like, God, no, I'd rather not. I, I, maybe I'm crazy. I think part of dealing with pain and part of dealing with trauma is metabolizing it, not avoiding it. And so I want to be able to get to a place my wife thinks I'm, I'm part of. Like it's a pathology for me. I'm friends with almost all, not all of them, but almost all of my exes, even back to high school. Like if I see, hear from them or see them, it's always, I always remember Joy. And they may remember me. Like, no, no, we hate you. I hate, like, we don't like you, John. But like, I don't know, I always want to work through those things. There's very, very few people that, when their picture comes up that I don't at least smile. Either I'm laughing at them or remember when or that was a good time. I just, I, I don't like the avoidance thing. So maybe in a weird way, Apple's like helping us. It gives us little annual reminders of how healthy we actually are or, or not at the same time. It's really dangerous to have a Bad weekend in your marriage and go check out your old college girlfriend. That's. That's really unhealthy, right? And she's becoming a fantasy. She's becoming a numbing behavior. And also, it's interesting to be like, I wonder where that girl was that I kissed at that dance in seventh grade. Like, where is she at now? That's. That's natural. It's never happened before in human history that we have all that at our fingertips now, which leads to a bunch of weird marital challenges. But I don't know. I think it's messy. I think it's messy. And I don't know how Apple does all that stuff. So there he goes. Internet's people. You win again.
- [18:25]
Kelly
All right, next question. What is your favorite thing to do on a day off?
- [18:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
I just. Well, so my wife and I went. We had an. I had a speaking event. Woe is me in. At a resort in Mexico. It's pretty awesome. And she came with me and she laughed, and I was like, hey, let's do this, this, and this. And she just cracked up. And she's like, nope. You will sleep 20 hours a day. Like every. Every hour you're not working, you're not speaking or doing your thing. You'll be cashed. And I was like, no way. I just go so hard all the time. I just collapse. And so honestly, I like to rest and be chill. This weekend starts, and I go in seasons. This weekend starts hunting season. And so I get rather feral during the season. And people always comment like, wow, you haven't shaved in a long time. And I'm like, don't speak to me. Right? And then I'll go through, like, the. It's all coming down the end of January into February, like, our show's failing. What am I doing? I need to go back and be a professor. This whole thing's awful. And then in March, the sun comes out and I'm like, let's go. Let's go for a hike. Like, so it just is cyclical and seasonal for me. Cody, my manager, knows just he doesn't take a lot of my emails during the month of February because they're all caustic and. Ah. And he also doesn't jump at everything I suggest in March or April or May because he knows I'm overly want to take the world on. I'll say yes to everything, and then I'll be sad in October, November. So just cyclical. But I like to spend time with my kids. I love spending time with my wife. She's a close buddy. I like playing music with the gang. I like to go into concerts. I love going to stand up comedy and. And I like being out in the woods catching something. What about you? What do you like to do besides just drink and get tattoos?
- [20:12]
Kelly
Seriously? Only because of the show. But I don't. It's just the thing, y'all. I don't even drink, so.
- [20:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
Gosh, she lies, y'all. America, I tell the truth. She does not.
- [20:23]
Kelly
I think they know if. It depends on if it was a day. Like if my husband and I just had. Were home, you know, Breakfast.
- [20:32]
Dr. John DeLoney
Whoa, slow down. Family show. Slow down. Breakfast. Okay, Breakfast out.
- [20:36]
Kelly
Like, my idea would be we'd be able to go to Loveless Cafe when it's not a two and a half hour wait, you know, have a nice breakfast, walk around downtown, some little tiny town that we have a ton of these here in the area where you have a little town squares with shops and stuff in them. If it's just me and I have a day off, probably a lot of. Sadly, I would love to say I have all these grand things, but it's probably a lot of napping in front of the television, falling asleep. But if I have, you know, if I'm up and about and doing things, I get out in the sun, go take a hike, go walk around. And I also love the idea. I love, like going to coffee shops by myself and I love eating meals by myself. No problem doing that whatsoever. Going to a movie by myself. Totally fine with all that. I love it.
- [21:24]
Dr. John DeLoney
Isn't she a joy, America?
- [21:27]
Kelly
Because I deal with all of this a lot, so sometimes I need.
- [21:31]
Dr. John DeLoney
She won the lottery.
- [21:31]
Kelly
A little alone time. A little. Yes, A little don't talk to me time. All right. What's your favorite Social Distortion song?
- [21:41]
Dr. John DeLoney
Ooh. Two of them are a tie. When the Angels Sing, which is pretty extraordinary. Off the White Light, White Heat, White Trash album and also in that same record. My other favorite song by them is I Was Wrong. The song I was Wrong became an anthem for me back in 2000, 2001 or two, when it was released. And it. Mike Ness, the singer of. The singer of that band was just the pillar of punk rock attitude. Not like Green Day Punks where you have green hair and you're like, oh, my gosh, girls. But it was like real thick black boots and jeans and we're gonna fix the car and we're coming over to your house to burn it. It was like old punks. And so he was the picture of you don't apologize. You don't say, like you. You just go hit the next guy in the room. And when he came out with that song, it was at a pivotal point for me growing up, like, going from being a kid, being a college kid to like, I gotta be a grown man now. And for whatever reason, that lodged itself into my soul. Like, I was wrong and it's okay to say that. And the whole song is called I was Wrong. It's one of my favorite songs of all time. But those two songs are pretty amazing.
- [22:48]
Kelly
All right, I'm gonna go again off script, off with this. Favorite. Favorite Guns N'ROSES song.
- [22:54]
Dr. John DeLoney
Favorite Guns N Roses song. Great question. I've got. I've got multiple memories wrapped around him. Is that okay? Patience was a song that me and a guy named Brandon, who is one of the most amazing musicians I've ever played with. We used to play patients all the time. We had a little acoustic duo and we travel around like little coffee shops and at college and stuff. We play. And that was always just the crowd favorite back in the day.
- [23:25]
Kelly
Such an amazing song. It's so good.
- [23:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
And he was so talented. It was. It was just. That was fun. I remember Paradise City coming and being the first. That was like my generation's Bohemian Rhapsody. It was like an eight minute. There's 14 songs. It's just utter chaos, but it's controlled. And there's a sing along chorus to it. It was just the perfect song for a guy growing up trying to learn what rock and Rol wanted to have his own band.
- [23:48]
Kelly
That beginning of Paradise City, just the strum when it's just slash. I have so many freaking memories tied to just that beginning. I mean, I can think of a million things. Because I was so. You were probably in middle school. Because I was. What was it? 89. I was a newborn, newborn 89. I think you're graduating college. I was a freshman in high school.
- [24:08]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, sure.
- [24:09]
Kelly
And so. But I just have. Yeah. For some reason, that bit right there, especially a million.
- [24:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's just a flood of memories for nerds. Like, for. For music nerds. I listened to that intro strum. It's the most perfect. Like time signature wise, tonally, like, it's the most perfect that. That first chord I would just hit. I would just back it up, back it up, back it up, back. Because I was so perfect. And then the end. Chaos, where you can hear everything exploding when you see it live and they're running around and there's rockets everywhere. It's just. It's just what it's supposed to be like, whatever you think rock and roll is supposed to be, it is. That song played live. I just. I remember smiling ear to ear. I've seen it twice live. I. I smiled ear to ear and I didn't stop. It was just. Every little boy on planet Earth has imagined themselves being Slash standing up in front of the whole screaming crowd, playing that solo at the end of Paradise City while Axel's running around behind you just doing something.
- [25:10]
Kelly
Probably having a Tipper Chantrum about some sort.
- [25:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
But yeah, yeah, those are important. And then there was just songs when that. When Appetite for Destruction came out, it was just such an inappropriate record, and it was just a way to, like, be a little rebellious kid without doing anything. You just had to put your headphones on. And much to my chagrin, 25 or 30 years later, when I saw that concert, I was like, oh, all those songs are downloaded in there. Like, I knew every word to every song. So.
- [25:35]
Kelly
Oh, yeah, my Michelle. Mr. Brownstone's one of my favorites. And I know it's horrible. I'm fully aware of what it's about.
- [25:41]
Dr. John DeLoney
I remember they come out and they started playing their first song, and I mean, the place erupts, and I'm with four of my oldest friends. I mean, three of my oldest friends on the planet. One of the mothers, one of my childhood second moms, she calls me. I live eight hours away. And she said, I know this is crazy. And this is the. The mother of my closest. One of my oldest friends on the planet who's paraplegic now. She said, I did something crazy. I heard there's a Guns and Roses show. I bought four tickets. Is there any way you could fly down and the. The whole old gang go. And I was like, I will be there. And it was a. One of the. It. It was a fun, wild night. But two lines into the first song, I remember going, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a daughter. I'm not saying, was it. I don't want to say, like, was.
- [26:28]
Kelly
It Rocket Queen or.
- [26:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
I just remember going, no, no, no. I have a daughter. We are not. This is. Mr. Rose, you're being rude and tacky. It's inappropriate. Inappropriate. So I crossed my arms for that song, but then we got back into it. But I just remember being like, oh, my gosh, no kid should have listened to this record.
- [26:46]
Kelly
Well, that's pretty much all music from the 90s. I know, that I listen to in my car, and I'm like, this is awful.
- [26:51]
Dr. John DeLoney
And then I turn it up. I know yes.
- [26:54]
Kelly
All right, last question on this one. Favorite Metallica song?
- [26:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
Favorite Metallica song. My gosh, that's fantastic. Going all the way back. There's a song off their Kill Them all record called Whiplash that I remember being the fastest. I remember thinking, I didn't know how human beings could play a song that fast, and it being like, being electrified. Like, I remember being like, that's what. Yeah, let's. I want to play that fast. And so I remember Whiplash and gosh, all those Ride the Lightning records and all. I just. I guess if I had to pick one, there's just. This is very unpopular to say, but it is very hard to beat. Understand, Man. One of the greatest as the greatest metal song of all time.
- [27:40]
Kelly
It really is. It's perfect.
- [27:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's perfect.
- [27:43]
Kelly
It is perfect. If I have to pick one, like, to me, it's like Inner Sandman and then everything else. Yeah. Nothing else matters for some reason. I just.
- [27:51]
Dr. John DeLoney
I love that. See, I was just. I was. I remember being so upset with that song. Like, I wasn't allowed to listen to the record. Like, oh, you guys sold out. Because when they played one, it was about, like a war veteran. They played Sanitariums about someone going crazy. So even their slower songs were about something caustic. Right. But then just like James having a bad day singing about it.
- [28:10]
Kelly
Yeah. It's something in Hetfield's voice in that one that I love. There's a. There's something in his voice that I just love.
- [28:15]
Dr. John DeLoney
It sounds like a person being seen naked for the first time. Like, this is what. This is me. And there's just that awkwardness to it. That's. That's really. That it's pretty rich. Yeah. Yeah. But entertainment is the perfect metal song. It's the best metal song ever written. It just is. Except for Walk by Pantera. Oh, my gosh. But if I'm being objective, understand man's the greatest metal song of all time. All right, so we'll be right back with more Ask Me Anything right after this. Christmas time is here. There's parties, there's buying last minute gifts. There's being sad that nobody bought you anything. There's traveling, running around. All of it. And there's so much going on that we can forget to set aside time for what's truly important. And the good news is that Hallow is here to keep your spiritual priorities in check with you this holiday season. Hallow is the world's number one prayer and meditation app. I use Hallow every single day. I Love it. And right now, their Advent Pray 25 challenge called for God so loved the world is in full effect. Plus, Hallow has great book studies led by Bear Grylls and Jonathan Roumie. They've got prayer guides, a Bible study on the book of Ephesians going on, kids advent programming and more. And if that's not enough, you can join Hallow's 12 Days of Christmas music right now. Listen. This season can be an amazing time of chaos and and an amazing time to encounter God's love and find the true joy of Christmas. And Hallow wants to help you experience all of this for three months for free right now when you sign up@halloween.com DeLoney you can enjoy all of this for three months for free at Hallow. That's H-A L L O W.com DeLoney this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, this time of year, most of us just want to stay in and get super cozy. My perfect cozy night at home is something that me and my family call bed pile. And that's when my whole family gets under some blankets around the fire and we either read some books out loud like a bunch of nerds or we watch a movie together. For a lot of people, though, it's hard to get cozy around the holidays because they're battling loneliness, they're battling grief, they're battling lost memories. If that's you, I want to encourage you to reach out to a therapist today. Therapy can be a safe place to settle in and work through scary, hard and painful emotions and replenish your energy and take care of yourself. I recommend BetterHelp to help you find comfort during the chaos and stress that can be attached to the holidays. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, and you can talk with your therapist when it works for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. Find comfort this holiday season with better help. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com DeLoney all right, we're back. Ask me anything. We just talked music. So what are you talking about now?
- [31:17]
Kelly
All right, trauma has become a buzzword.
- [31:20]
Dr. John DeLoney
We'll just jump right in. We'll talk about trauma.
- [31:23]
Kelly
What is it really? And how do you recognize its effects?
- [31:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
I guess as simply as I could put it, is trauma. Is your body reenacting something in the present that happened to you in the past, and you can detect it when your body begins to try to protect you from something. That's probably the easiest way I could say that. Whether it's a hard conversation, whether it's fear, whether it's somebody feel, somebody coming up behind you, it's just your body trying to take care of you in some shape, form, or fashion, particular. That's probably. That's.
- [32:00]
Kelly
You know what?
- [32:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's not a good answer. Here's a better answer. Trauma is when you have a memory of an event, a thing, a person, a situation, and your body goes into fight orf flight in the present right now, it. It jumps to protect you right now. Other things are just actually scary, right? Walking in a dark alley doesn't mean you had trauma. It just means you're in a dark alley and someone might hatchet murder you as they would in one of your podcasts or in Nate Dog's dreams. Wild dreams there. But yeah, traumas, when you have a memory of a person, a place or thing, an event, and our situation and your body gets flooded, it just tries to protect you and heart rate, numbing devices, Sweaty. Like there's any number of things. Crying, tearful, anything.
- [32:46]
Kelly
All right, this one says, I want to journal and be vulnerable, but I worried that someone will read it. How do I get past that?
- [32:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
I mean, my honest answer is, find somebody you can read it to go straight through that fear. Like, write it down and sit down with somebody and say, I have to. I've got to tell you something bananas. I remember someone who I love dearly, not my wife, someone I love dearly, was really struggling with some intrusive thoughts postpartum and had just convinced herself that if somebody knew the thoughts she was having these images, that they were going to take her kid. And so I was like, all right, let him rip. Tell me. And it. You just watch this. Like, I just remember her physiology changing in front of me because she'd been holding it so tight. And I said, you need to go see somebody right away. Which she did. But I think there was that initial, I'm not gonna take your kid. You're an extraordinary mom and you love your kid. What's going on in your head and in your heart? And then she went and told her ob gyn, who was amazing, too, so I could actually do something about it. I couldn't think about it other than just be there, but I. Yeah, I'll leave it at that.
- [33:58]
Kelly
All right. How do you feel about your impact on other people's lives?
- [34:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
Only in the last year has it gotten very real and it gets. It's gotten pretty heavy. So in a strange way, I have to stay pretty distant from it because I think at the end, like, I say this and not to be trite, but, like, I have the easiest part of this thing that's just to sit and talk on the phone with somebody. And I. I look straight at a camera, so I don't. I don't actually see the person I'm talking to. And the real heroes are people who listen to this thing and then go sit down and they tell their wife, like, hey, I want to do something different, or I don't know how to be a better dad, but I want to. Or the wives who say, like, I need more help around here. And they've never said that. They've never seen somebody model how to say that. And so. Or the person who says, I'm struggling pornography, or I cheated on you, or like, whatever has to. Whatever has to happen so that we can go to. To what happens next. And that's bravery. So I'm always impressed with people who call. I'm always impressed people who reach out or see me in an airport somewhere and says, like, I went and did the thing. That, that to me is awesome. But I have to be careful not to try to carry everybody's story, because I can't. I don't have that kind of strength. I'm not that strong. And so over the last year, I've recognized the weight of it all, and it's pretty cool and it's neat. And I've had to consciously remain at arm's length from it, otherwise it can become a part of my identity and that's not safe. What about you? People write in and say, like, hey, thanks to John. And they always say, and team, which I guess it means you. Like, that was me being sarcastic, by.
- [35:37]
Kelly
The way, everybody, I think we all caught that.
- [35:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, they do way more than I do. But, like, how is it for you? Well, because you read all the emails that I don't read. I don't get access to those. Like, you read all the emails that come in and you hear the stories over and over and over.
- [35:55]
Kelly
Yeah, when we first started doing this show, man, that. That took some time. I remember my husband walking in. I was working at home one night, like 11 o'clock, going through emails, and I was just crying. And he walked in, he was like, nope, this has to change. This can't continue. And I had to learn how to compartmentalize it. And that's why we talk about. I think we all talk about. As soon as I walk out of here, I can't tell you the calls we just did.
- [36:17]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's really a strange phenomenon. Yeah.
- [36:19]
Kelly
And I think we all feel that because I have to shut it off slate.
- [36:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's like an extra sketch just gets shook and then we're out. Yeah.
- [36:24]
Kelly
And then it's like, okay, onto the next one. And I know when I go through emails, sometimes I'm sure it seems heartless because I have to be just so. Yes, no. Yes. No. Because we get 200 a day, so it's just. Yeah. It's a matter of just turning it off. And I'll have. When we're in our content strategy meetings, and our Trevor, our content strategist, will be like, so when. When John was doing this call, what did he say? And Taylor and I are like, we don't even remember the call. And he's like, it was last week. We don't remember yesterday's. Because we've just turned it off. You have to. Yeah. And that may mean that sometimes I sit at lunch and I don't sit with people and I sit by myself and just put my earbuds in.
- [37:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's because she's antisocial.
- [37:04]
Kelly
Partially. Or like, if it's at the end of the day and you've had it, you know, I go home and there's like no radio in the car.
- [37:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
You know, I do that.
- [37:11]
Kelly
Yeah.
- [37:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's just silence.
- [37:12]
Kelly
Peace.
- [37:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. But do you ever. Do you ever. One of the coolest things is when somebody stops me somewhere and says, I don't bother. You just need to tell you. I started talking. I've been listening to your show. I started talking to my wife. Different. And it's made all the difference. Or I sat down with my husband and we're seeing a counselor. And I think we're gonna make it. Like, they'll walk away. And I. That's one of the greatest gifts somebody can give me is like. Because we. I mean, we all hit send, right? And then we go home to our lives. And it's not like a live event where you can feel it and you know it's there and you meet people after the show and all that. This is just like, you hit send. And then. So there's something really extraordinary about somebody stopping and saying, hey, thank you, like that. I. I can't tell people who listen what a big deal that is. It's awesome.
- [37:54]
Kelly
All right. If you could play lead guitar for any band Dead or Alive for one show. Who would it be and why?
- [38:05]
Dr. John DeLoney
Lead guitar for any band. Good gosh. That's a great question. I will probably go to. Yikes. It's a great question, man. Stumperoo. I would go to 92 to 94. Pantera. There was a. They would. That's the only band I've ever seen. That's not true. There's only been a couple of bands. Very few that you walk into a room and they absolutely have absorbed the soul of that room and. Or the stadium or wherever you happen to be. And those were electric Seasons. And I just remember that guy could play guitar like he's one of the best of all time ever. And it's pretty cool. So, yeah, this. The way they could move a crowd with that stuff was. Was just astounding to me. What about you?
- [39:03]
Kelly
Well, I don't play guitar, so first of all, that'd be a miracle. But if I could ever. So I'm gonna ask you a question, and I'll answer it, too. This kind of goes with that. If you could see one band, one artist, dead or alive, ever, you know, one time, just to watch them play, who would it be?
- [39:23]
Dr. John DeLoney
Queen.
- [39:23]
Kelly
Oh, that's why it's Queen.
- [39:25]
Dr. John DeLoney
Queen.
- [39:25]
Kelly
Freddie mercury queen.
- [39:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [39:27]
Kelly
100.
- [39:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. I mean, I've seen most of the bands I wanted to see. I would love to have gone to, like, see somebody like Buddy Guy or Howlin Wolf, like old blues guys in a dive in New Orleans. Like, I would love to see that. Shows like that, I would love to go see. Right. And catch them in the early days. But, man, seeing Queen.
- [39:46]
Kelly
Yeah.
- [39:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
And just being swept up in that.
- [39:48]
Kelly
Thing, I can't even. Yeah, I'd be in. That'd be incredible.
- [39:51]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. And Brian May is just the. I mean, he's just the perfect guitar player. Oh, yeah. So I've seen most of the bands that I wanted to see in my life. It would have been cool to catch Hendrix or something like that, but seeing the spectacle that was Queen would have been amazing.
- [40:06]
Kelly
My second would be Journey with Steve Perry back in, like, 79, 80. A huge Journey fan. Love him.
- [40:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, but, like, that's right. When you were. During your first marriage, that was an important time for you.
- [40:18]
Kelly
I was five.
- [40:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [40:20]
Kelly
And six. I'd just like to point that out.
- [40:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
This show's brought to you by Jerry.
- [40:24]
Kelly
Because I have a sister. My brother and sister are quite a bit older than I am, so I grew up listening to. I had a KISS poster on my wall when I was five. It explains a lot but because I was listening to their music. And so I've been a Journey fan since practically since they were.
- [40:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
This is sacrilege. In the rock and roll community. Kiss is the one band that I've never been able to figure out.
- [40:45]
Kelly
Oh, they're a marketing. I mean it's 100 marketing.
- [40:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
I've never understood them like the. The fixation. And I hear that a lot of it was reading liner notes because they didn't have MTV back in the day. They didn't have all stuff. All they had with these pictures of these guys in the albums. And that's all you had. There's no websites, there was no social media. So you just would buy the record and you'd open it and there'd just be these pictures and they would make little booklets and.
- [41:09]
Kelly
Well, and I remember they were the first that my brother was a huge Kiss fan. And he had the KISS T shirt because I have a picture. He went to school picture day with a KISS T shirt. My mom was so mad. But we still have that. He had a KISS lunchbox. And they just. They were the first ones to do that. Nobody did that.
- [41:25]
Dr. John DeLoney
Market everything.
- [41:25]
Kelly
Oh yeah, they're geniuses when it comes to that kind of stuff. But my favorite in my poster was Peter Chris, the drummer when he would sing.
- [41:32]
Dr. John DeLoney
Beth, I just think you like, not good. He was just like a cat.
- [41:37]
Kelly
It's not great. I mean, you listen to it. You're like, that's not great. But it's just.
- [41:41]
Dr. John DeLoney
Kelly has a thing for men. Fortunately, her husband does not have this, but she loves men with like just stringy Burger King manager mustaches. And Peter Chris just like painted his own. And you loved that shout out. I was a Burger King manager mustache. I don't even try to drag you guys down cuz y'all are making it happen with that Whopper with Cheese. But like, you know what I mean? Like just the little like. Oh, just. Let's just shave that guy. You love that. I can't hear you.
- [42:08]
Kelly
I said, does that explain my fascination with Kid Rock and Dave Navaro? Yeah, some of those guys.
- [42:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
Probably every once in a while. I'm right on the nose.
- [42:15]
Kelly
Yeah.
- [42:16]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [42:17]
Kelly
All right.
- [42:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
All right. We'll be right back to wrap up this ama. If you're still with us. There's no one's listening to this. Kelly. We'll be right back. Ayo. I'm a founding member of the get off the Internet and Go Outside club. I think I'm the only member. And yet I like all of you find myself at work and in my personal life, pretty much living entirely on the Internet. And as a society, we're creating more and more online accounts all of the time. We're signing up for promos and giving away our emails and personal numbers and buying everything with our phones. I get hundreds of emails to my personal account, my business account. Every business wants to survey me and become my friend now. And everyone, everywhere is trying to sell me all kinds of stuff and it drives me nuts. And with all of our online activity, do we really know where our data is and who has it? Chances are high that data broker websites have your information and they're selling it to scammers, spammers and other shady people. But when you use delete me, DeleteMe will find and remove your data from hundreds of sites and they will send reports to you throughout the year to show you exactly what they've removed and from where. As of now, I'm getting fewer and fewer of those spammy text and phone calls which allow me to let my guard down just a little and feel some peace on the Internet this holiday season. Share the peace by giving a delete Me subscription to someone you love. Individual Delete Me plans start as low as nine bucks a month. Go to join DeleteMe.com DeLoney today for 20% off. That's Join Delete Me.com DeLoney all right, we're back with, I guess the last segment of this ask me anything. It's mostly been talking about Kelly's music preferences.
- [44:12]
Kelly
What does healthy masculinity look like?
- [44:15]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, my gosh. Can I just say the phrases that just popped into my head? Yeah, I can. And I don't have to. I get to and I will. And I know when to fight and I know when to provide and I know when to love and I know when to lay it all down. And masculinity is knowing when.
- [44:50]
Kelly
Can you give me an example of the Can I. Can I get to all of those?
- [44:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
We've never really talked about on this show. We're gonna lose some listeners on this one. That's okay. I spent like you said, no one's listening anymore. I spent years learning mixed martial arts so I never have to fight anybody. I can and I won't. I just will walk away. And I grew up. My dad was a homicide detective. I grew up around guns and I know how to handle guns so that I never get some fantasy about using them. Right. I know how to go out and hunt a deer and to from start to have it in the freezer and then cook it. Right. I know how to do that. So, man, I really enjoy a hamburger and cheeseburger. Right? And so it's, it's. I think there's this idea that you do all these things so that you can exert your will on the world. That's such a lame way to live. It's an exhaustive way to live. But also equally exhaustive is this new world where men are happy about the things they don't know how to do. I don't know how to do that. I would never want to. That's insane too, right? That's just a little sliver of history. So I think this idea that I can, and because I can, I don't have to, is a. I think Jordan Peterson says, becoming terrifying so that I can be as gentle as possible. Because if you're not, if you don't have that power and that strength that you know you can draw upon. If I didn't know I couldn't go get my family food if I needed to, then I become an anxious mess. You follow every political trend and you fault, you outsource every decision, every everything, every, ah, to everybody else, and you never have peace. And in the book I Don't Want to Talk about it by Terry Real, it's one of the top five books of my lifetime. But he talks about going to meet a warring tribal chief, I think, in, In Africa. And he noticed that they were overly, overly, like, affectionate with their sons, holding hands with their sons, hugging their sons, kissing their sons all the time. And he asked about the interplay between this war tribe and this affection, like, which one is it? And the chief said something along the lines of it's both. And it's the mark of a true man is knowing when to do which. And that always sat with me like, that's it, right? It's I can so I don't have to. And that. That, to me is it.
- [47:21]
Kelly
Love that. So how do you limit kids access to social media when they're at school or with their friends? Because we've talked a lot about at home.
- [47:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, number one, if they don't have a device, they don't have a device. Number two, if a kid shows them something, they're going to show them something at school. I mean, you, you, you play as, as much defense as you can, but you got to send your kids out into the world, which means you can't just, you can't play defense by prevention and have no conversation. You got to talk about it. And I always go back to those. Like, it's the investment in relationships so that when they see something that they can't process, like some kid shows them a terrorist beheading video on some social media account or they show them some. The first topless woman in like in their sixth grade, it showed them that for the first time or fourth grade or third grade. And they don't have a psychology for. They just saw other than it was terrifying or it was awesome or it was like kind of. Kind of amazing or like, I want to throw up, I can't sleep. It's the image stuck in my head. That's the reason you go to breakfast every Tuesday over the course of five years, six years. It's the reason you drive your kid to school with the radio down. There's those reasons so that there's a relational context for when those things pop up and. And you always enter those spaces. Not with. Who showed you that? I'm gonna. You show it with. Man. Thank you for sharing that. That sounds scary. Or. Yeah, somebody that A shirt on is pretty amazing. That's why it's bounded in this context. Right. That's why it's important to. So I, I. You. You're gentle and you open with curiosity. But kids are going to see stuff. Kids are going to see stuff. That doesn't mean. Because I hear this all the time. They're going to see it at school. So I might as well. That's insane. That's like saying my kid might get punched in a. By a bully, so I'm just going to hit him all like stupid. That's just stupid. And there's. I mean, we're. I'm over the top as a parent and. But especially when my son was younger, when he's in middle school and elementary school. We would. If he was going to a place where there's unfettered phones and Internet, he wouldn't allow to go. I just said. He just said no. And thankfully the parents were always so gracious and cool and so.
- [49:30]
Kelly
All right, can you pick a couple of your tattoos and tell us the story behind them?
- [49:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
I guess, yeah. You mean to take my shirt off?
- [49:45]
Kelly
I'm gonna say this, but yes.
- [49:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
You've been asking for that forever, Kelly. It would help the YouTube show. Yeah, I guess. Let me see here. All right, let's see here. So here's a funny one. So I had this little. Just gap right here. So I got these prayer hands. Have I told you about this?
- [50:06]
Kelly
Yeah, well, I. You told me. So I don't know if I got these prayer hands.
- [50:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
I just saw them on old Social Distortion something or other, and I thought they were cool. But my daughter. They're praying hands. But my daughter Josephine, when I came home, she was like, why did you get a tattoo of somebody clapping for you on your own arm? And I was like. She said something like, do you need that? It was so. Like, such a skewer. I think she was 6 or 7. The cardinal is my. My grandmother had collected porcelain birds as a little boy. I wasn't allowed to touch them, and I always wanted to. And there was a bluebird and a red bird in my eye line as a little boy. And right before she died, she gave me both of those. And after I got this tattoo, I got it downtown New Orleans. Super sketchy, but it was good. And the. I then came to find out that cardinals. The. The myth of the cardinal is. It's somebody's that you've lost, is. Is. Is visiting you. And so I spend a ton of time out in the woods. And whenever I'm hunting or just out there in the woods, quiet, and a red bird comes, a cardinal comes. I always just smile. And I think I'm a grandmother. And when I see a bluebird, I just. It's. I pretend it's my granddad and it's cool. And even the other day, a bluebird came and sat right next to me while I was in a tree and just sat there and I got this overwhelming sense of peace. And out of nowhere, I texted my sister and said, this is going to sound crazy, but I just heard from granddad, and he said, whatever you're working through, it's going to be all right. And she text me back. She goes, well, when I get done crying, I'll call you. And I guess she'd been working, so it was just a cool little serendipitous is what it is. I got. This was the last Christmas card or birthday card my grandmother wrote me. It just said, we love you. And I had that. They took it and tattooed them. So I'm just a sentimental guy.
- [51:55]
Kelly
I love that.
- [51:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
And I got this one because of Demons and Dragons. I don't know. I'm just, like, the least hard guy there is.
- [52:04]
Kelly
All right, so last one. If you could pick three headliners for Deloney Cella, what bands are you choosing?
- [52:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
Deloney Chella. It would be the Avit Brothers and Turn Style and My Weekly Low. That's. That's our great choice. Great choice. Dump Button. No, I would not pick that band. I Don't know. Who else would I pick?
- [52:47]
Kelly
I don't know. I can't tell you that. Pantera.
- [52:52]
Dr. John DeLoney
I'm trying to think. Yeah. I mean, OG if I could bring him back from like two of them. Pantera, that would have been tough. Turnstile in the Ava brothers could work. Pantera and the Avid brothers would be a little bit of a stretch.
- [53:03]
Kelly
Hey, it's your show. Be whoever it is.
- [53:05]
Dr. John DeLoney
My show. Yep. You know who else I would bring out, like 85 run DMC.
- [53:13]
Kelly
I like that.
- [53:15]
Dr. John DeLoney
85 run DMC and license to ill BC boys. But they had already written Ill Communication, so they would play some of those songs even though that record wasn't out yet. And then the Avett Brothers would come on and shut the whole thing down. And. God, can I just tell you this? Of all, like, all the concerts I've ever seen, in the top five. In the top five, which is a bold statement. Mumford and Sons absolutely annihilated the place that I saw him. It was three dudes and they had like another couple of guys, like kind of on background instruments. I've never seen anything like it.
- [53:56]
Kelly
Yeah, I've never seen them live, but I've heard they're amazing.
- [53:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
It was something to behold, how great it was. And so if they showed up as a surprise guest, that'd be kind of cool. I'm not even a huge Mumford Sons fan. I just remember leaving being like, there's no way. I just saw that, like three dudes come out in our four dudes and just melt 16,000 people in this closed air basketball gym. It's pretty cool. But I love the Brothers with all my heart. And Turnstile is just the best. They're the best live band out right now. So I don't know. Who would you have? Michael W. Smith, for sure. Stephen Curse Chapman, for sure.
- [54:36]
Kelly
Let's just say no. Okay. It would probably be 19, like 92 Guns N Roses. So the, you know, original lineup.
- [54:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
So you'd have to go to church before and then after.
- [54:52]
Kelly
Yeah, yeah. Actually, because 92 was what the. When I. The last time I saw them. So. So good. I saw them in Metallica same day in a festival. It's amazing. Anyway, Teddy Swims and this is a random concert.
- [55:15]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. There's lots of Fistfights in the parking lot already.
- [55:17]
Kelly
Yeah. And then I'm gonna make it even worse. George Strait.
- [55:21]
Dr. John DeLoney
George Strait, yeah. In my top 10.
- [55:24]
Kelly
Just the amount of. Just the catalog alone of George Straight. So it's a very.
- [55:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
And then. Yeah. I just remember Chris Stapleton walked out at the Ryman and just started playing this one song. I've never heard an audience that quiet. It was like we were witnessing something very spiritual.
- [55:43]
Kelly
One of my best concerts ever was Stapleton at the Ryman just a few years ago.
- [55:48]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's unbelievable.
- [55:49]
Kelly
I had the chance to see him again at the big stadium here, and I was like, I'm good. I've seen him at the Ryman. I'm good.
- [55:54]
Dr. John DeLoney
There's no way a human has that much talent and that much kindness. Like, everyone talks about him in town. Like, he's the kind. If I could. If people would talk about me one quarter of how nicely they talk about him. Like. Like he is just the greatest human being anyway. Yes. Okay, so Turnstile would open. Who did I say?
- [56:20]
Kelly
David brothers. Turnstile, run, DMC, BC boys, you know.
- [56:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Early 2000s, late 90s. Counting crows. Back when they were in their heyday.
- [56:31]
Kelly
Back when the brothers were still both in the band.
- [56:33]
Dr. John DeLoney
Gosh, they were amazing.
- [56:34]
Kelly
Yeah, I got to see them in concert in.
- [56:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
No, that's a black. You're talking about. Black Crows. Yes. I would love it. I would like. I want an All Birds concert. I want the County Crows, Black Crows, and the Avett Brothers. That would be cool. There'd be lots of drugs at that show. Being used by you. Me, I'm sober. But she is not. Man. What's your favorite tattoo you have and why?
- [57:01]
Kelly
No, I've none. Literally zero.
- [57:05]
Dr. John DeLoney
God, you lie and you lie and you lie. The truth's gonna come out. We're in the age of the Internets. Your Wikipedia page. Let's do that. We're gonna get a. I'm on it. A body composition?
- [57:21]
Kelly
No, but if people will stick around for the. The outro. I have a fun question. Kind of around that.
- [57:28]
Dr. John DeLoney
We'll be right back. All right, so you all know that this show is hosted on the Ramsey Network. We're a part of a company called Ramsey Solutions that has been helping people get control of their lives and their money for more than three decades. This January 23rd, we're throwing a party in the form of a live stream called take control of your money into the new year. Everybody's worried about their finances. This live stream is for you. And check this out. We're giving away $20,000 in cash prizes over the course of the live stream to five lucky winners. That's 4,000 bucks a person. And this live stream is going to be rad. It's going to have Dave Ramsey, my friends, Jade Warshaw, George Camel, Rachel Cruz. And they're going to be talking about how to make progress on your money goals once and for all. And there's going to be live questions in a Q and A format. This is going to be rad. Go ahead and mark your calendars. January 23rd. Take control of your money live stream. It's going to be amazing. All the cool kids are going to be there. I. I didn't get invited, but everyone else is going to be there. I want you to be there, too, and I want you in $4,000. Go to ramseysolutions.com live stream. All right, we are back as we wrap up the show. Kel, you have one more.
- [58:40]
Kelly
Yes. Somebody sent this in.
- [58:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
Okay.
- [58:43]
Kelly
If you could 100% design Kelly's next tattoo without her having any say, what would it be?
- [58:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, no question about it. Question. It would be Deloney in Old English across your shoulders. I mean, not happen. No question about that. Like, right now you have those two middle finger tattoos on each shoulder blade. Like where the wings would go if you had gotten, like, you have those two giant middle fingers. I would go over the tops of the fingers with just the word Deloney in Old English. It'd be so good. And when you always wearing those white feeder, like, those tank top things, it would look so rad.
- [59:24]
Kelly
I thought I was done with my old English face.
- [59:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, I'd bring it back for the Deloney tattoo. Yeah, I would. Because when you used to run, you. You. You were associate producer of Dave Ramsey show forever, and you have, like, Ramsey in old English, like in that circle right over the top of your belly button.
- [59:41]
Kelly
He pays me.
- [59:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's true. I don't pay anything. Yeah, we all. We all can tell why Kelly's a volunteer spirit, right? She's just doing this one old pb, old pro bono.
- [59:54]
Kelly
Well, he still pays me, so, you.
- [59:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
Know, here we go. Here we go. Death Row is the label that pays you. None of y'all know that. Oh, my God. I know that. Y'all are.
- [60:09]
Kelly
Taylor just goes, what?
- [60:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
Y'all break my heart.
- [60:11]
Kelly
She's a, you know, a lot younger than we are.
- [60:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
What would be the three bands at. At. At Taylor Palooza?
- [60:20]
Kelly
I genuinely don't know. But I was thinking, if you ask me, I'm saying, like, Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, just to really, really put in there that I'm millennial.
- [60:33]
Dr. John DeLoney
But those are like classic rock to you now.
- [60:37]
Kelly
You're right. Avril Lavigne, all of them. Oh, gosh, they're classic.
- [60:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
She was a skater boy. Since you're later, boy. I might have Avril show up and play a song or two.
- [60:44]
Kelly
She played here a couple about two months ago, and I know some people that went and said she was amazing.
- [60:48]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, and I saw her and she brought the house down. It was me, three other dads, and 14, 000 screaming middle school girls. And that part was kind of awkward. But Avril crushed. Avril crushed. What about you, Ben? I think I would do, like, pop punk. Like Emo from, like, the 2000s. Like Fallout Boy, Panic at the Disco, like, from their original album. Oh, dude, like, stuff like that. It'd be rad. Thanks for saying that in public. That was a brave thing that you just said out loud. This show's about brave and easy. Yeah, and Nate Dog would just have his strange xylophone bells. Things that he listens to. No, just ta, ta, ti, ti, ta. I'd say, like My Chemical Romance, Green Day. Those would be my top two. Again, the amount of drug use that goes on behind that. That screen behind the glass. Hey, thank you all for being with us. If you're still listening, I know your holidays are not going well for you, so I hope they will go better for you. And, man, I love you. Love you, love you, love you. Thank you so much for being with us. We'll be back soon.