Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: Becoming a Dad Exposed My Greatest Fear
Date: October 13, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)

Overview

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show delves deeply into the emotional landscape of relationships, grief, anxiety, and vulnerability, featuring real-life callers seeking advice on pressing mental health and relational issues. The key segment revolves around a caller, Nicholas, whose experience of becoming a father has surfaced intense anxieties about mortality, driven by unresolved grief from losing both parents. Other segments include practical and emotional guidance around budgeting in relationships and moving forward after placing a child for adoption.

Segment 1: Becoming a Dad and Confronting Mortality

(00:05–15:38)

Main Theme

Nicholas from Seal Beach, California, calls in to share how fatherhood has brought his fear of mortality and unresolved grief front and center. The discussion explores how personal loss shapes our present anxieties and family dynamics.

Key Discussion Points

• Daily Rituals and Anxiety:
  Nicholas describes his compulsion to always kiss and hug his wife and children before leaving the house, motivated by love but shadowed by an “obsess[ion] over my mortality a bit, especially since I've had my kids.” (00:05, 01:51)
• Personal Loss:
  Both parents passed away—his mother after a long illness (cancer), and his father suddenly from a heart attack at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. These experiences left Nicholas with a heightened awareness of life's unpredictability. (03:01–03:37)
• Grief’s Manifestation:
  Nicholas recognizes that his anxiety may stem from unresolved grief, impacting his sleep and creating periods of intense anxiety, especially during family “birthday season” when many key losses occurred. (04:20, 07:49–08:13)
• Parent-Child Dynamic:
  Dr. Delony cautions that children who sense a parent’s emotional dependence may feel responsible for their well-being—an “impossible, heavy burden.”

  “Your kids know that you need them for oxygen and they can't carry that weight.” (06:43)

Notable Solutions & Practical Steps

• Writing Letters:
  Dr. Delony prescribes writing letters to each deceased parent—including honest expressions of love, anger, and growth—to help process lingering grief. (08:33–11:02)
  • “Write your mom a letter... how much you miss her, how pissed off you are that she left you… then tell her what kind of incredible dad and husband you have become.” (08:33)
  • Repeat the exercise for his father and a friend who passed away.
• Imagining the Future Self:
  Write a letter from the perspective of Nicholas at age 85, expressing gratitude for choices made in the present—a grounding way to envision a long, fulfilling life.

  “Dear Nicholas, tomorrow I'm gonna die. And at 30... you made some choices to live differently, and that's made all the difference.” (11:16–12:22)

• Reverse Engineering an Anxiety-Free Life:
  Dr. Delony offers his book Building a Non Anxious Life as a structured roadmap for building a less anxious home and encourages Nicholas to read it with his wife.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "If you don't honor [your grief] and you just sit at home and you're grumpy and you're mean... that's when that sadness and grief isn’t healthy or good. But choosing to honor that grief... is right and good." —Dr. John Delony (15:18)
• “You're supposed to be sad when people you love pass away all within a couple of days of each other.” (15:15)

Segment 2: Financial Vulnerability Before Marriage

(16:53–26:47)

Main Theme

Rebecca from St. Louis seeks advice on when and how to start budgeting jointly with her fiancé, wrestling with past fears and the vulnerability required as she considers merging finances.

Key Discussion Points

• Money as a Mirror of Shared Values:
  Dr. Delony explains that creating a budget together isn’t just about logistics, but forces couples to “put your values on a shared piece of paper.”

  “A budget forces you… If it's a mirror, who are you actually—not who do you say you are?” (19:07)

• Timing for Financial Conversations:
  It’s never too early to have these conversations, but the actual merging of finances should wait until marriage to avoid legal and emotional complications. (19:35, 20:33–21:41)
• Vulnerability & Trust:
  Emotional barriers (from childhood or past relationships) can make financial vulnerability particularly intense.

  “If you carry [the protective habits from childhood] into this new marriage, it will destroy this marriage.” (22:50)

• Practical Advice:
  • Keep accounts separate until married.
  • Practice radical honesty and vulnerability about financial fears.
  • Attend Financial Peace University together to build a shared financial language and framework.

Notable Quotes

• "When you become married, you become one. One plus one equals one.” (25:53)
• "I have shared all of me with you, except for one thing... I'm terrified about sharing money." (23:50)

Segment 3: Healing After an Adoption Decision

(28:16–44:32)

Main Theme

Anna from Tampa, Florida, discusses the emotional aftermath and practical challenges of choosing an open adoption for her baby.

Key Discussion Points

• Processing the Choice:
  Anna feels determined that adoption offers her child the most stability but worries about her worthiness as a mother and the approaching wave of grief.

  "I'm not sure. I just did not want her to grow up in an unstable, unsafe environment." (29:52)

• Anticipating Grief:
  Dr. Delony validates that the pain of adoption will be real and can multiply existing insecurities. (33:47)
• Support Systems:
  Anna’s preparation includes two counselors and a new church community. Dr. Delony stresses the “greatest gift” is to be surrounded by people who care. (33:59–34:05)
• Financial & Practical Planning:
  She is about to restart her life alone, with two jobs lined up and help from the adopting family covering basic needs—plus the imminent challenge of living frugally to build financial security.
• Building Margin:
  Dr. Delony urges Anna to approach her next year “as if it’s AA”—focusing on today, establishing strict boundaries, and building towards a “tiny little bit of peace” and financial margin.

  “Six months to a year of absolutely hitting the gas will change the trajectory of your life… taking your foot off the gas could change the trajectory... in the other direction.” (37:02)

Notable Quotes

• "You are not a burden… it was a high honor that I got to talk to you today." —Dr. John Delony (43:43)
• "It's a very boring, boring year. Instagram doesn’t tell you how boring success is, especially at the beginning." (41:28)

Practical Support

• Dr. Delony offers Anna Financial Peace University, the Every Dollar budgeting app, and several books including Building a Non Anxious Life, Total Money Makeover, and Paycheck to Purpose.
• He encourages her to keep reaching out and assures her, “You call me anytime, any, anytime along this journey and I’ll answer the phone for you.” (43:44)

Segment 4: Community, Compassion, and Closing

(46:08–48:11)

Main Theme

Dr. Delony and team put aside their sports rivalries to promote a charitable effort supporting flood victims in Texas, highlighting the importance of finding common ground for good causes.

Notable Quote

• "Where you can come together, find common ground, do your best to find it." (48:11)

Key Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

• On Mortality and Grief:
  “I cannot leave the house without giving them and my wife a kiss and a hug... what if I get into a car accident... and the last thing they see is me leaving without a hug and a kiss?” —Nicholas (01:51)
• On Burdening Children:
  “They are learning in real time: we are responsible for dad’s well-being. That’s a really heavy burden and responsibility to put on a child.” —Dr. John Delony (06:56)
• On Writing as Healing:
  “I want you to sit down and I want you to write your mom a letter... three parts to it: how much you miss her, how pissed off you are... and let her know what kind of incredible dad and husband you have become.” —Dr. John Delony (08:33)
• On Financial Vulnerability:
  “The budget is really the last hurdle for us before marriage... it’s a very scary thing. To share that with somebody and potentially legally share it…” —Rebecca (17:42–18:37)
• On the Reality of Adoption Grief:
  “Trying to pretend it’s not coming or trying to pretend it’s not as bad as it actually is... It can compound. It can be a multiplier.” —Dr. John Delony (33:46)
• On Hope and Long-Term Change:
  “You’re gonna wake up in 365 days and you’re gonna have $5,000 in a checking account, and you’re gonna exhale for the first time, and it’s gonna be a choice...” —Dr. John Delony (41:28)

Conclusion

This episode masterfully weaves listener stories into broader conversations on loss, anxiety, courage, and practical living. Dr. Delony balances compassionate support with actionable steps, empowering callers to face grief, build resilience, and prioritize meaningful connections. Through honest advice, he models vulnerability and inspires listeners to find hope—and real solutions—even in life’s most challenging seasons.