The Dr. John DeLoney Show Episode: He’s Perfect, but He Doesn’t Turn Me On Release Date: March 21, 2025

Dr. John DeLoney tackles complex relationship and personal challenges in this engaging episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show. Through candid discussions with callers, Dr. DeLoney offers practical advice and heartfelt insights on issues ranging from lack of physical attraction in relationships to navigating job dissatisfaction and overcoming phone addiction. This summary captures the essence of each conversation, highlighting key points and memorable quotes to provide a comprehensive overview of the episode.

1. Caller Hannah: Navigating a Relationship Without Physical Attraction

Timestamp: [00:05] - [13:54]

Issue Presented: Hannah reaches out from Knoxville, Tennessee, seeking advice on being in a relationship where she shares similar values with her partner but lacks physical attraction. She describes her partner as "wonderful" in every aspect except for his appearance, questioning whether the lack of chemistry can develop over time.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Physical Attraction vs. Emotional Connection: Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the importance of physical attraction in sustaining a romantic relationship. He shares a personal anecdote about his own failed checklists for an ideal spouse, highlighting that attraction is a crucial, albeit sometimes underestimated, component.

  Dr. John DeLoney [06:35]: "Attraction is a huge part of it. And yes, attraction grows over time, but its importance fades in my experience."

• Self-Reflection and Integrity: Hannah's honesty about her feelings allows her to maintain integrity without leading her partner on. Dr. DeLoney encourages her to stay true to herself and not settle for a relationship that doesn't fulfill her needs.

  Dr. John DeLoney [11:46]: "Everybody who's dating needs permission to say, you're awesome. And this just isn't for me. And that's okay. You don't need to apologize for that."

• Encouraging Self-Love and Openness: Dr. DeLoney advises Hannah to embrace her journey of self-discovery and remain open to finding joy and fun in her life, despite the challenges of being a single parent.

  Dr. John DeLoney [13:42]: "You've done a ton of work. You lost a lot of weight. You did a lot of healing. I want you to have some freaking fun."

Conclusion: Hannah is advised to prioritize her happiness and physical connection, recognizing that while her partner meets many of her criteria, the absence of physical attraction is significant enough to reconsider the relationship's future.

2. Caller Jimmy: Balancing Job Dissatisfaction with Family Responsibilities

Timestamp: [17:56] - [30:56]

Issue Presented: Jimmy from Philadelphia expresses frustration over hating his current engineering job, which he took out of necessity after his previous company downsized. The long commute and lack of passion in his new role are affecting his mental health and ability to engage with his family.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Acknowledging the Struggle: Dr. DeLoney commends Jimmy for his dedication to his family despite his dissatisfaction, highlighting the often-overlooked sacrifices men make in supporting their households.

  Dr. John DeLoney [18:10]: "Jimmy from Philadelphia...getting food on my family's table...I'm proud to be talking to you."

• Practical Strategies for Job Searching: Dr. DeLoney suggests setting boundaries to prevent burnout, such as limiting the number of job applications per week and establishing specific times for job hunting to avoid it becoming an obsessive activity.

  Dr. John DeLoney [23:47]: "Here's how you bind it. Make a boundary. Apply for five jobs a week, period."

• Mindfulness and Presence: Encouraging Jimmy to practice mindfulness, Dr. DeLoney advises him to notice small details in his daily environment to stay present and reduce stress.

  Dr. John DeLoney [24:50]: "Write down three things you've never noticed before. It makes you more present, more mindful."

• Redefining Life Goals: Dr. DeLoney urges Jimmy to have an honest discussion with his wife about their shared life goals, ensuring that career decisions support their desired lifestyle rather than perpetuate a cycle of dissatisfaction.

  Dr. John DeLoney [27:16]: "Find the life that you and your wife want to create. The job should be in service to that life."

Conclusion: Jimmy is encouraged to take proactive steps in his job search while maintaining his mental well-being. By setting clear boundaries and fostering open communication with his wife, he can work towards a fulfilling career that aligns with his family's needs.

3. Caller Anna: Rebuilding Trust Over Phone Use in Marriage

Timestamp: [33:44] - [49:35]

Issue Presented: Anna from Norfolk, Virginia, seeks guidance on rebuilding trust with her husband concerning her excessive phone use. With three children and a history of phone addiction as a coping mechanism during isolation abroad, Anna has struggled to balance autonomy with her husband's concerns about her phone habits.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Understanding the Root Cause: Dr. DeLoney delves into Anna's feelings of loneliness and lack of safety at home, suggesting that her phone use was a lifeline during a difficult period but has become an ingrained habit.

  Dr. John DeLoney [37:31]: "The phone saved your life, stop going to war with it."

• Emotional Healing and Communication: Emphasizing the need for emotional healing, Dr. DeLoney advises Anna to have honest conversations with her husband about their feelings, focusing on creating a safe and supportive home environment.

  Dr. John DeLoney [48:55]: "Find the root causes... sit down with your husband and discuss what makes you feel safe."

• Practical Solutions to Reduce Phone Dependency: Dr. DeLoney recommends tangible steps such as creating designated phone-free zones, carrying reminder objects to challenge negative thoughts, and engaging in joint activities to strengthen their bond.

  Dr. John DeLoney [49:35]: "Create a fancy box together where the phone goes every time you walk in the door."

• Breaking Negative Patterns: By identifying triggers and implementing structured routines, Anna can gradually reduce her phone usage and foster healthier communication patterns with her husband.

  Dr. John DeLoney [49:56]: "Put some friction in your way. Make boundaries to control your phone use."

Conclusion: Anna is guided to confront the underlying issues of loneliness and insecurity that drive her phone addiction. Through open dialogue, mutual understanding, and structured strategies, she can rebuild trust and cultivate a more connected and harmonious marriage.

4. Caller Kelly: Resolving Conflict Over Event Ticket Package

Timestamp: [57:30] - [59:55]

Issue Presented: Kelly from Connecticut shares a dilemma involving a friendship conflict over a two-ticket event package she won. Upon her friend's request to split the contents of the package, which included additional goodies, Kelly feels wronged when her friend accuses her of being selfish for not agreeing to share the items.

Key Discussions and Insights:

• Setting Healthy Boundaries: Dr. DeLoney firmly supports Kelly's stance, asserting that her friend overstepped by opening and attempting to split the prize without consent.

  Dr. John DeLoney [59:06]: "He is not the problem. I think he is his friend in kindergarten."

• Evaluating Friendships: Highlighting the importance of mutual respect in friendships, Dr. DeLoney encourages Kelly to reconsider the value of maintaining a relationship with someone who undermines her generosity and fairness.

  Dr. John DeLoney [59:18]: "We’re doomed. Everybody... we're doomed."

• Assertiveness and Self-Respect: Dr. DeLoney advocates for Kelly to assert her feelings and expectations within friendships, emphasizing that true friends respect boundaries and individual choices.

  Dr. John DeLoney [59:28]: "Yes. And second of all, shut up."

Conclusion: Kelly is advised to stand firm in her decisions and reassess her friendship with the individual who disrespected her boundaries. By prioritizing her self-respect and setting clear limits, she can foster healthier and more supportive relationships.

Final Thoughts

In this episode, Dr. John DeLoney provides compassionate and practical advice to callers grappling with personal and relational challenges. Whether it's addressing the lack of physical attraction in a relationship, managing job dissatisfaction while supporting a family, overcoming phone addiction to rebuild marital trust, or setting boundaries in friendships, Dr. DeLoney's insights empower listeners to take actionable steps toward healthier and more fulfilling lives.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. John DeLoney [06:35]: "Attraction is a huge part of it. And yes, attraction grows over time, but its importance fades in my experience."

• Dr. John DeLoney [23:47]: "Here's how you bind it. Make a boundary. Apply for five jobs a week, period."

• Dr. John DeLoney [37:31]: "The phone saved your life, stop going to war with it."

• Dr. John DeLoney [59:06]: "He is not the problem. I think he is his friend in kindergarten."

Note: This summary focuses solely on the main content and advice segments of the episode, excluding advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to provide a clear and concise overview of the valuable discussions held during the show.