The Dr. John Delony Show – "How Do I Get Over My Ex-Wife’s Betrayal?"

Date: August 29, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony
Podcast: The Dr. John Delony Show (Ramsey Network)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven discussion focused on real-life struggles around relationships, mental health, and personal growth. Dr. Delony helps listeners work through painful betrayals, co-parenting issues after divorce, navigating the side effects of mental health medication, professional boundary-setting, and dealing with difficult family dynamics.

Key Discussion Points & Detailed Breakdown

1. Coping With Ex-Wife’s Betrayal and Building a New Life

Caller: Divorced Dad (Jorge)
Segment: [00:21–17:11]

Situation:
A recently divorced father (after a 10-year relationship, 7 years married), co-parenting a special needs (autistic) son, struggles with anger and resentment toward his ex-wife, who had an affair and left for her boss (now living with him). He's troubled by lingering self-blame, wants to heal for his son's sake, but feels “better” only when his ex is suffering.

Key Insights & Advice:

• Self-Blame & Resentment:
  Dr. Delony highlights how the caller internalizes the failure of the relationship—blaming himself for working hard, financial struggles, and providing for the family.

  "Not one time have I heard you say, ‘I want peace. I want to be well.’ ...Somehow it sounds like you've taken this on as you're at fault here." (Dr. John Delony, [05:17])

• Reframing Forgiveness:
  Forgiveness is reframed as a gift to oneself, not the ex.

  “Forgiveness is a gift to you...I'm not going to carry around my ex-wife's choices any longer. If you open your eyes every morning and think I'm a failure...it's just going to stay in your chest forever.” (Dr. John Delony, [06:11])

• Authentic Grieving & Moving On:
  Dr. Delony normalizes anger and the deep hurt of a shattered family vision, encouraging honest, proactive grieving without guilt.

  “You're right to be angry and I want you to begin to build a life so that you have peace in it.” (Dr. John Delony, [09:38])

• Building a New Identity:
  The focus shifts from the ex to redefining personal goals and identity:

  “For the first time ever, I want you to begin to ask yourself, what do I want? What do I want my life to look like? …Who do I want to become?” (Dr. John Delony, [13:08]) Practical suggestion: Spend time writing down goals and desired identity.

• Making Transitions Easier for the Child:
  Create intentional moments of joy—use music, fun, and silliness during custody handoffs to reclaim the emotional environment.

  “When you get in the car with him…create an environment of silly and laughter and fun…She doesn’t get a vote in how I feel or how this handoff is going to go.” (Dr. John Delony, [15:00])

• Letting Go of Resentment:
  “I'm not going to come home and drink poison and hope that she gets sick from it.” (Dr. John Delony, [16:28])

• Affirmation:
  Dr. Delony repeatedly affirms the caller’s efforts and survival.

  “If you've never cut you some slack, hear me saying it, dude, I'm proud of you.” (Dr. John Delony, [12:57])

Resources Offered:

• Book: Building a Non-Anxious Life
• Financial Peace University & EveryDollar App

2. Managing Physical Health While on Mental Health Medication

Caller: Christine
Segment: [19:40–33:45]

Situation:
Christine, on antidepressants (Effexor) and anti-anxiety meds for 10+ years, reports substantial weight gain (100+ lbs) and blunted emotional range despite active efforts to stay physically healthy. Her doctor blames her, suggesting surgery, despite clear evidence the meds are the cause.

Key Insights & Advice:

• Validation:
  Dr. Delony assures her this is common, not a personal failure.

  “That’s a very common experience…You’re not insane and you’re not somehow extra dysfunctional.” (Dr. John Delony, [21:38])

• Finding the Right Doctor:
  Criticizes dismissive, blame-shifting providers; strongly recommends finding a new, more holistic-minded physician.

  “That’s madness…Find a new physician, please.” (Dr. John Delony, [23:26])

• Whole-Health Approach:
  Recognizes that powerful psych meds have well-documented side effects, which need to be addressed by empathetic professionals rather than “whack-a-mole with symptoms.”

  “You’re under some pretty powerful narcotics… you’re not gross, and you’re not dysfunctional, and you’re not somehow broken.” (Dr. John Delony, [25:35])

• Trauma-Informed Healing:
  Explores root causes—anxiety stemming from childhood trauma—and encourages seeking trauma-informed therapy, including somatic/breath-based modalities.

  “There are trauma-informed therapists…not only will talk to you about it but will help your body heal.” (Dr. John Delony, [29:49]) “If you walk around every day scared of your own body... blaming yourself for the outcomes and somewhat predictable outcomes of some of these medications, it just further fuels this shame cycle you’ve been on…” ([31:23])

• Holistic Support:
  Warns against using online forums for medication advice due to lack of individual context and risks of confusion/shame.

• Affirmation & Encouragement:

  “I’m proud of you for caring enough about yourself to go get medication and go sit with a doctor. And I’m proud of you for having enough courage to say… this is coming with some side effects that are as bad, if not worse, than my original challenge.” (Dr. John Delony, [32:19])

Resources Offered:

• Building an Unanxious Life (book)

3. Navigating Difficult Professional Relationships & Boundaries

Caller: Brad (Property Manager)
Segment: [36:56–47:18]

Situation:
Brad, a property manager at a rapidly growing company, manages relationships with landlords and tenants, often caught in emotionally charged conflict between both. He struggles with wanting everyone to like him (people-pleasing) and feels stressed by making tough calls.

Key Insights & Advice:

• You Choose Who Gets a Vote:
  Dr. Delony introduces a practical exercise—physically listing (on index cards) the select few people whose opinions truly matter, and putting their names in a “vote box.”

  “You get to choose who hurts you.” (Advice Dr. Delony received in grad school, [44:16]) “I want you to write…‘[Name] gets a vote in my life’...limit down five to six people…these are people that if they call you, you care…” (Dr. John Delony, [43:44])

• People Pleasing & Boundaries:
  The conversation unpacks how wanting to please everyone leads to stress and giving too much weight to others’ disapproval.

  “I realized I was giving everybody a vote. …when I took unhooked the rest of the world from that inside...it was freeing.” (Dr. John Delony, [44:55])

• Responding Calmly:
  Recommends grounding first with a breath before responding to confrontation.

  “My first word will always be a breath.” (Referencing Jefferson Fisher, [47:15])

• Maintaining Integrity Without Absorbing Abuse:
  Encourages letting go of abusive clients and prioritizing personal and team dignity over universal approval.

4. Dealing With Difficult Family Boundaries (Addiction in the Family)

Email from Listener: Jennifer ([51:47–54:57])

Situation:
Jennifer’s in-laws are alcoholics. She and her husband set boundaries (no child visits the grandparents’ home), but her mother-in-law declines family invites if no alcohol is present, then asks for event pictures afterward. Jennifer feels guilty—worries about enabling—and wonders if she’s the problem.

Key Insights & Advice:

• Follow the Spouse’s Lead:

  “I'm always going to take the lead of the actual child of dysfunctional, emotionally unregulated parents. So if husband is saying we don’t have contact with them… I’m going to follow that lead…” (Dr. John Delony, [53:10])

• It’s Not Enabling to Send Pictures:

  “I don’t have a problem with sending grandma and grandpa pictures… There doesn’t have to be any communication now. I’m just sending these and that’s it.” (Caller Kelly, [54:43])

• Let Go of the Idealized Family Vision:
  Emphasizes facing guilt over not having the family dynamic one wishes for; it's about grieving what's lost, not fixing dysfunctional relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Forgiveness is a gift to you… I'm not going to carry around my ex-wife's choices any longer."
  — Dr. John Delony ([06:11])

• "Somebody threw a grenade in the middle of your house and you jumped on top of your special needs kid to protect him… you survived… I'm proud of you." — Dr. John Delony ([12:57])

• "You get to choose who hurts you." — Dr. John Delony quoting Dr. Pearson ([44:16])

• "My first word will always be a breath." — Jefferson Fisher, cited by Dr. John Delony ([47:15])

• "I can be a great man and have blown something professionally. I can be a great guy and not a great husband sometimes." — Dr. John Delony ([47:53])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:21–17:11] — Caller 1: Recovery & Resentment after Ex-Wife's Betrayal
• [19:40–33:45] — Caller 3: Physical Health and Psychiatric Meds
• [36:56–47:18] — Caller 2: Property Management Conflicts & People-Pleasing
• [51:47–54:57] — Email: Boundaries with Alcoholic In-Laws

Tone and Language

The episode is supportive, direct, and practical—Dr. Delony meets callers with empathy, candor, tough love, and actionable steps. His advice normalizes difficult emotions, prioritizes self-compassion, and emphasizes control over one's internal environment in the face of external chaos or betrayal.

Summary

Listeners are reminded that betrayal, anxiety, people-pleasing, and family dysfunction are universal struggles—and there are paths toward healing, peace, and agency. Dr. Delony offers concrete tools, poignant metaphors, and hopeful challenges for anyone facing pain or difficult decisions.