The Dr. John Delony Show
Episode: How Do I Have Sex When I Hate My Body?
Host: Dr. John Delony, Ramsey Network
Date: September 10, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show centers on how deeply personal experiences—from body image struggles to fertility journeys and major life transitions—affect mental health, relationships, and intimacy. Dr. Delony provides compassionate, no-nonsense advice to three callers: Allison, wrestling with postpartum body image and intimacy issues; Alex, grieving a move and a season of life; and Luis, trying to safeguard her marriage's joy amidst the stress of infertility. The episode is marked by Dr. Delony’s characteristic vulnerability, candid insights into his own struggles, and practical strategies for navigating complex emotional terrain.
1. Caller: Allison – Postpartum Body Image & Intimacy
Segment: [00:05-13:00]
Main Discussion Points
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Allison’s Story:
- Six months postpartum, traumatic birth injury, negative body image.
- Finds intimacy physically and emotionally challenging; can only be intimate in the dark.
- Lifetime of body image struggles, particularly around weight and teasing about physical features (e.g., ears).
-
Exploring the Roots:
- Dr. Delony delves into family dynamics, focusing on Allison’s father’s food and weight criticisms and her mother’s lack of protection.
- Body image negativity was deeply internalized from childhood experiences.
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Impact on Marriage:
- Allison’s husband is deeply supportive and physically affectionate, but Allison struggles to accept his love and attraction as genuine.
- Dr. Delony points out the disconnect between how Allison sees herself and how her husband does.
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Deeper Issues:
- Dr. Delony equates body dysmorphia with a deeper feeling of unlovability, echoing his own experiences.
- Stresses the importance of addressing the “core belief in your unlovability” to avoid passing body image issues onto her child.
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Practical Guidance:
- Encourages therapy for unwinding internalized stories about lovability and beauty.
- Advocates for allowing loved ones’ perception and love to “carry you” during tough moments.
- Suggests intentional gratitude and vulnerability with her husband as steps towards healing.
Notable Quotes & Moments
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On the disconnect between self-perception and reality:
“Is there evidence in your past that the glasses you wear with which you see yourself may not represent reality in full?”
(Dr. Delony, 05:33) -
On family-based body image wiring:
“When you had to wonder if your dad thinks you’re beautiful, that gets wired into your nervous system.”
(Dr. Delony, 06:12) -
On not having to love every part of yourself:
“There’s a movement on one side of the world that says you should love every inch of you. Shut up. We don’t. There are things about us we don’t like… that’s just life.”
(Dr. Delony, 11:52) -
On passing legacy to children:
“I’m really worried about you passing this along to your new baby.”
(Dr. Delony, 10:26)
Key Timestamped Segments
- Caller shares her struggle (00:05-02:38)
- Family background and history with body image (03:07-07:15)
- Breakdown of deeper issues and guidance (07:15-13:00)
2. Caller: Alex – Life Transitions & Grieving Change
Segment: [15:07-24:30]
Main Discussion Points
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Alex’s Dilemma:
- Moving from Texas back to California to be near family; anxiety about lifestyle change, higher cost of living, and “grieving Texas.”
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Processing Transition:
- Dr. Delony normalizes Alex’s feelings of loss and transition, describing it as part of the “natural transition number two” (around age 28-32): a time when expectations meet reality and priorities change.
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Decision-Making Clarity:
- Challenges Alex to specify what he hopes to solve or gain by returning to California.
- Encourages honest assessment of the reasons for moving and warns against laying responsibility (e.g., on his niece) for the decision.
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Actionable Advice:
- Make a ranked list of fears and logistical challenges with the move; tackle them one by one.
- Be intentional about rebuilding community and routines—join activities, be proactive in meeting people.
- Reframe the move as something Alex wants for himself, with family as an added benefit.
Notable Quotes & Moments
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On reconciling expectations and adulthood:
“This sense begins to settle in about 28 to 32, which is: ‘I thought my life would be different right now.’”
(Dr. Delony, 19:38) -
On owning your decision:
“Don’t make this whole thing about your niece, because she can’t carry the weight of this move.”
(Dr. Delony, 24:10)
Key Timestamped Segments
- Explaining the move and anxieties (15:07-18:07)
- Processing loss and new direction (19:38-22:44)
- Action steps and reframing the move (22:44-24:30)
3. Caller: Luis – Infertility and Protecting Marriage Under Stress
Segment: [28:00-39:36]
Main Discussion Points
-
Luis’s Struggle:
- Nine months into trying to conceive; promised herself not to stress, but is feeling consumed by disappointment and intrusive thoughts.
- Community and church full of young families intensifies sense of loss.
- Admits to holding back her pain and not wanting to add to her husband’s stress.
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Emotional Processing & Communication:
- Dr. Delony prompts Luis to name her emotions: sadness, frustration, shame, helplessness.
- Emphasizes the importance of vulnerability—putting sadness, frustration, and unmet expectations “on the table” with her spouse.
- Cautions against letting secrecy become “a cancer” in the marriage.
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“Roadmap” Conversations:
- Suggests scheduled check-ins to discuss all fertility-related feelings—weekly or monthly, not just in crisis moments.
- Couples should prepare each other for how to best support when cycles don’t result in pregnancy (e.g., “Bring home dinner and flowers,” or “Just hug me”).
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Playfulness & Grieving Together:
- Recommends finding ways to keep intimacy playful, even if it’s scheduled due to fertility cycles.
- Stresses the importance of grieving in their own ways, holding space for differences in coping.
Notable Quotes & Moments
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On the pain of waiting:
“They spent all our teenage years telling us it’s practical and it's going to happen at the drop of a hat… then it's frustrating to be in the position of ‘wait, this is harder than I thought.’”
(Luis, 31:53) -
On protecting each other from pain:
“What are you trying to protect him from? Are you protecting him? Or are you protecting you?”
(Dr. Delony, 30:05) -
On the risk of secrecy:
“The one underlying thing that I see create a cancer in a marriage is secrets.”
(Dr. Delony, 35:03) -
On roadmap conversations:
“Give him a roadmap for ‘this is the best way you can love me when my period starts’… that would be such a blessing.”
(Dr. Delony, 39:24)
Key Timestamped Segments
- Articulating the struggle and initial advice (28:00-33:41)
- Marriage dynamics and communication about pain (34:05-39:36)
4. Listener Feedback & Dr. Delony’s Closing Remarks
Segment: [43:20-45:57]
Main Discussion Points
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Listener Email from Hannah:
- Credits a previous episode’s advice (social media and news detox) for improving her well-being ahead of her own IVF cycle.
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Delony on News/Social Media:
- Advocates turning off all news notifications for better mental health.
- Praises those who take purposeful breaks from digital noise to focus on real-life relationships.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On notifications:
“Turn off all notifications. That is the way your phone runs your life instead of the phone is a tool for you to run your life.”
(Dr. Delony, 44:07)
Summary of Main Insights
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Body Image & Lovability:
Internalized childhood criticism wires deep beliefs about worth. Breaking this cycle takes time and vulnerability—sometimes trusting others’ love when you can’t see yourself clearly. -
Life Transitions:
Grieving the end of a season is normal. Big life moves should be motivated by clear, personal reasons, not just inertia or “shoulds.” -
Fertility & Marriage:
Infertility is as much an emotional challenge as a medical one. Frequent, structured communication about pain, hopes, and ways to support each other transforms it from a secret burden into a shared journey. -
Digital Boundaries:
Purposeful digital detox fosters closeness with loved ones and reduces unnecessary anxiety.
Tone & Style
Dr. Delony’s approach is warm, direct, and sprinkled with humor and self-deprecation. He balances tough truths (“Shut up, we don’t love every inch of ourselves”) with compassionate validation (“You’re not crazy; it’s okay to be sad”). His style encourages both action and grace for oneself and loved ones navigating emotional upheaval.
For more episodes or to ask your own question, visit: ramseysolutions.com/shows/the-dr-john-delony-show