The Dr. John Delony Show
Episode: I Left My Fiancé for Another Man
Date: November 19, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony
Podcast Network: Ramsey Network
Episode Overview
This episode centers around three deeply personal, caller-driven conversations about betrayal, trust, recovery, and the hard road to self-forgiveness and healing. Dr. John Delony, a mental health and relationships expert, provides compassionate and direct advice to individuals facing the aftermath of infidelity, disclosure of a hidden STI, and profound trauma from being involved with a criminal partner. The tone is empathetic and unflinching in its honesty, as Dr. Delony steers each caller toward accountability, boundaries, and the rebuilding of trust—primarily with themselves.
Key Discussions and Insights
1. Ashley: Leaving Her Fiancé for Another Man
Timestamps: [00:25] – [17:50]
Situation Summary
- Ashley, after a seven-year relationship and a year and a half engagement, left her fiancé for another man.
- She immediately regretted it, left the new relationship (which turned out to be abusive), and is now living back, platonically, with her ex-fiancé, considering reconciliation.
Discussion Highlights
On Why She Left:
- Ashley admits seeking "validation elsewhere" and excitement, describing the new relationship as intoxicating but ultimately harmful.
- She identifies a lack of intimacy and excitement with her ex-fiancé: "It was boring. For me, it was more like a chore." [08:24]
On Trust and Accountability:
- Dr. Delony challenges Ashley to differentiate between guilt, loneliness, and love:
- “He can't anchor in and trust you again until you trust you. And you don’t trust you right now.” [04:41]
- He emphasizes that Ashley must make "ironclad commitments" to herself to prevent repeating past patterns:
- “I’m the kind of person who does not text anybody that I might be attracted to ... I'm the kind of person who doesn’t do any of those things.” [04:57]
On Returning to Her Ex:
- Dr. Delony warns against seeking comfort over true commitment:
- “If you care enough about this guy, don’t drag him back through it.” [14:53]
- “If you get back with him so that he doesn’t feel bad, this 100% will happen again.” [15:35]
- He encourages Ashley to only pursue reconciliation if she can offer genuine trust and desire for the relationship, not just safety:
- “Don’t be cruel and don’t do the next easy, comfortable thing because you’ll be right back here in a few years.” [17:02]
Notable Quote:
“Don’t ask him to anchor into you until you are trustworthy to yourself.” – Dr. John Delony [04:45]
2. Joe: Betrayal and STI Disclosure in Marriage
Timestamps: [21:57] – [37:57]
Situation Summary
- Joe recently learned his wife of two years (together for five) has had genital herpes for 15 years and did not disclose it to him.
- He struggles with trust, fearing for his physical and emotional safety.
Discussion Highlights
Immediate Steps:
- Dr. Delony urges Joe to get tested right away before addressing relational repair:
- “You cannot heal your marriage until you know you’re safe or not. Because everything is hypothetical.” [23:01]
On Betrayal and Trust:
- Joe feels deeply betrayed, questioning if he can trust his wife about anything else.
- Dr. Delony validates these feelings: “You don’t have great communication. You don’t.” [27:33]
- Explains that the marriage, as Joe knew it, is over: “The marriage you had, the life you had, is now over. And you have to decide what I’m going to do next.” [26:09]
- Dr. Delony explains the magnitude of the breach: “This type of deception... it’s not just about emotional pain... she puts you in physical harm's way.” [26:09]
Path Forward:
- Emphasizes need for medical facts, not denial:
- “I don’t want her coming to you with science... I want y’all two going to a doctor together.” [28:36]
- If reconciliation is possible, it must be a new marriage built from the ashes, with rigorous honesty and boundaries for trust rebuilding:
- “You get to decide, what is it going take for me to trust you again… She deserves a path back to trust. You just have to be honest about what that path is.” [31:39, 34:33]
Notable Quote:
“It’s strange to come home and your house is burned down... it’s like an out of body experience.” — Dr. John Delony [29:29]
3. Molly: Confronting Evil and Reclaiming Self-Worth
Timestamps: [37:57] – [54:28]
Situation Summary
- Molly discovered her ex-husband—an on-again off-again partner for over 25 years—was selling child pornography and engaging in predatory online communities.
- She courageously reported him to police, but now, after his death (in jail, from cancer), she struggles with profound feelings of dirtiness, shame, and social fallout.
Discussion Highlights
On the Trauma of Discovery:
- Molly describes the horror and isolation after uncovering her ex’s crimes and the difficulties of being the whistleblower, including being judged and shunned by others.
Dr. Delony’s Response:
- Offers profound gratitude: “As a dad with a nine-year-old little girl — thank you.” [45:11]
- Identifies the deepest wound as her loss of self-trust: “The single most profound loss of trust in this whole thing is you. You don’t trust you.” [47:28]
Path to Recovery:
- Dr. Delony urges Molly to focus on rebuilding trust with herself, through small, intentional acts that affirm her values and agency (e.g., tipping generously, helping others, caring for pets).
- “You can’t sit at home and just look out at the world and say, ‘why aren’t they...’ You have to say, ‘I’m going to become a person that I can trust.’” [53:26]
- He recommends practical steps for daily affirmation and gradual self-forgiveness.
On Forgiveness and Moving Forward:
“The person you got to forgive here is you. And for all the mistakes you’ve made, you did a really big, good and great thing. You are not tainted by his shadow, although it is cast long over you.” — Dr. John Delony [54:09]
Memorable Quotes & Moments
- Dr. Delony (to Ashley):
“You can’t ask him to anchor into you until you are trustworthy to yourself.” [04:45] - Ashley:
“I was just seeking validation elsewhere...it was intoxicating.” [06:41] - Dr. Delony (to Joe):
“The marriage you had, the life you had, is now over.” [26:09] - Joe:
“If she has been able to lie and be dishonest about this huge thing, I mean, what else...?” [27:39] - Dr. Delony (to Molly):
“You did right. Thank you.” [49:15] - Molly:
“I just feel...dirty. Like there’s this darkness in me that every time somebody touches me, it rubs off on them.” [46:26] - Dr. Delony:
“You are not tainted by his shadow, although it is cast long over you.” [54:09]
Important Segment Timestamps
- Ashley’s Story (Infidelity & Reconciliation):
[00:25] – [17:50] - Joe’s Story (STI and Trust in Marriage):
[21:57] – [37:57] - Molly’s Story (Reporting Crime & Healing):
[37:57] – [54:28]
Episode Takeaways
- Healing after betrayal starts with honest self-reflection, not just seeking comfort or returning to the status quo.
- Rebuilding trust requires setting clear, actionable boundaries with oneself and others.
- Profound trauma—whether through someone’s abuse or outrageous betrayal—requires gradual, intentional acts of self-compassion and reaffirmation of personal integrity.
- Sometimes the bravest, most right action comes at enormous personal cost, but it does not define your worth or taint your core.
- In each case, the road forward is deliberately choosing the next right thing, even if it’s the harder path.
For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In
This episode pulls no punches when it comes to the pain of betrayal and the difficulty of moving forward, but it’s grounded in hope and the belief that change is possible with courage, boundaries, and a commitment to personal growth. Dr. Delony’s advice is at once compassionate and frank—offering listeners practical frameworks for facing their darkest moments without shame, but with accountability and the promise of new beginnings.