Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode Title: I Married the Man I Had an Affair With
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)
Date: February 25, 2026

Episode Overview

This caller-driven episode of The Dr. John Delony Show dives into deep, practical conversations on personal challenges—centering on relationships, guilt, shame, family finance anxiety, and finding personal fulfillment after years of sacrifice. Dr. Delony offers compassionate, real-world guidance as multiple callers bravely share their stories, seeking help to heal from past mistakes and navigate emotional uncertainties.

Major Segments & Themes

1. Making Peace with Past Mistakes and Moving Forward in Relationships

(Start–20:50)

• Caller: Ashley from Birmingham, Alabama
• Situation Recap: At 24, Ashley had an affair while married, then divorced her husband, and ultimately married the man she had the affair with. Four years later, as a Christian, she remains burdened by guilt, shame, and the hurt caused to others.
• Core Concern: "How do I make peace with a mistake I made in the past?" [01:25]

Key Discussion Points

• Emotional Safety & Communication:

  • Ashley describes her first husband as a "good guy" but not emotionally present. She admits to not being entirely honest or open about her feelings during their relationship.
  • Dr. Delony distinguishes physical safety from emotional safety, emphasizing the importance of radical honesty with oneself and one's partner.

• Handling Shame and Ownership:

  • Dr. Delony encourages Ashley to practice radical ownership—"Extreme ownership here. And it is, 'I chose to have an emotional affair. I chose for years not to tell him the truth about what I felt...'" 09:49
  • He explains: "Often, the things we do to try to fix the things we've done instead of just laying them out in the open... just get worse and worse." [07:14]

• Dealing with Advice and Secrecy:

  • Ashley was advised by both her father and ex-mother-in-law not to disclose the affair, hoping to "spare feelings"—a route Dr. Delony labels "madness" and unhealthy for all involved. [06:32]

• Forgiving the Past Self:

  • Dr. Delony suggests a practical exercise: write a letter to her 24-year-old self, both acknowledging guilt and extending compassion—a conscious act of releasing shame.
    • "Forgiveness is not letting her off the hook. You're living in the consequences of it. But it is simply saying, for 28-year-old you, I'm not carrying this around anymore." [11:28]

• Compassion and Empathy Emergence:

  • Ashley's journey equips her with greater empathy; Dr. Delony notes this experience will help her respond with compassion instead of judgment to others facing similar failures.
    • "When you hear somebody at your local church who the rumor has had an affair, your heart doesn’t immediately go to, 'I can't believe it'—it goes to, 'Oh God, I’m gonna take her to coffee.'" [12:40]

• Acceptance of Life’s Unsolvable Math:

  • Ashley struggles with having a child with her new husband—products of a mistake, yet sources of present joy.
    • Dr. Delony advises: "That’s a math problem that can’t be solved... it doesn’t... All it does is drain away any extra margin and energy for loving, well, the people in your life today." [15:34]

• Practical Coping Tool:

  • When haunted by shame, pull out a family photo with her current husband and child, to remind herself:
    • "I’m new now. I’ve rebuilt myself into somebody I respect with a thousand little actions every day." [16:23]

Notable Quotes

• "I hear somebody who became somebody she didn’t respect… it wasn’t like you cheated once. It was cheated on top of dishonesty, on top of telling everybody else but that one hurting guy... It seemed like a whole bunch of stuff all on top of itself." — Dr. John Delony [08:06]
• "At some point, you've got to let 24-year-old you go. All that pain you caused—radical. Oh, I own it all. … All of that is true and it all has a period at the end of it. What are you going to write next?" — Dr. John Delony [16:52]

2. Obsessing Over Family Finances: Breaking the Loop

(20:50–41:42)

• Caller: Thomas, 21, from Johnson City, Tennessee
• Situation Recap: Despite being financially stable with his young wife (no debt, building savings), Thomas finds himself "obsessing"—constantly checking accounts, monitoring investments, and feeling anxious about financial security.

Key Discussion Points

• Roots of Financial Anxiety:

  • Thomas grew up in a large family (10 kids), moving from church to church and living on donations—instilling deep insecurity.
  • "You have a lived experience of seeing a father turn around and see 11 mouths plus his...and...thinking, I don’t know where we’re gonna sleep tonight." — Dr. John Delony [25:14]

• Information Overload & Comparison:

  • Working in finance exposes Thomas to constant headlines and financial advice, amplifying his anxiety.
  • Dr. Delony warns of the dangers of "doom scrolling" and feeding insecurities with relentless information.
    • "I would be extra crazy if I got any financial advice from TikTok." [32:40]

• Taking Control: Principles vs. Emotions:

  • Establish core financial principles (e.g., not touching a 401k, focusing on ratios, not on emotions).
  • Limit inputs: after making well-grounded decisions, stop chasing “better” plans or comparing outcomes.

• Practical Tactics:

  • "Take one quick deep inhale and deep exhale and say out loud... 'Dude, thank you for taking care of me. I’m good.'" [34:47]
  • Use tools (calculators) for actual decisions, not for shaming yourself about missed opportunities.

• Filling Newfound Time Productively:

  • Use idle time previously spent obsessing positively—exercise, invest in relationships, or plan for actual career goals.

Notable Quotes

• "Your body has kept the score and it's often fighting wars that we don't even know we're fighting." — Dr. John Delony [31:49]
• "I look at my 401k balance once a year... because I'm never going to sell my 401k... looking doesn't do any good for it, will do nothing for me except give me false security." — Dr. John Delony [30:14]

3. Rekindling Personal Passions Post-Parenthood (Dad Guilt)

(41:42–53:48)

• Caller: Bill from Philadelphia
• Situation Recap: After years devoted exclusively to work and family, Bill finds space for hobbies (e.g., snowboarding/trips with friends) but is plagued with "dad guilt" about leaving his family—even temporarily.

Key Discussion Points

• Understanding “Dad Guilt”:

  • Dr. Delony explains, with reference to Dr. Becky Kennedy, that what parents feel is rarely guilt (violating a value), but rather emotional discomfort at leaving family, or absorbing their sadness.
    • "Guilt is a feeling... when you violate one of your core values." [43:40]

• Modeling a Balanced Life:

  • It’s not a violation of being a good parent to have passions or friends outside the home.
    • "It’s important for kids to see their dad with friends... and fails at. That’s important also." [46:44]

• Practical Steps:

  • Assigns Bill homework: schedule at least one activity a week away from home, plus one larger trip per quarter.
  • Encourages presence—when with family, be present; when away, enjoy fully without ruminating on their feelings.

• Reframing Family Dynamics:

  • The greatest gift is not 24/7 access, but being a "whole" person; letting kids feel sadness at his absence (and joy at his return) is itself healthy.
  • Include kids in stories and experiences of hobbies when possible.

Notable Quotes

• "You're taking their sadness, by the way. That's good sadness. They love their dad. They like him around. But it could also be codependence... And that's not healthy." — Dr. John Delony [52:16]
• "Don't carry your kids' frustrations or annoyances or tears and shove them in your chest and call that guilt. That's not what that is. That's just kids loving their dad being kids." — Dr. John Delony [53:48]

Memorable Moments

• Dr. Delony’s exercise for moving out of shame: "Write a letter to your younger self, forgive her, and decide to not carry that cinderblock anymore." [11:28]
• Observations on inherited family narratives: "The stories we’re told as children become the stories we tell ourselves as adults—except now we believe them, because they’re in our own voice." [29:41]
• Lightness injected into the finance segment: "If you have lived experience on a topic and your body gets really powerful and strong emotions around it, getting a coach, getting a friend, getting somebody to see something you don’t see is really important..." [38:16]
• Practical, humorous advice: “Exercise, sex with your wife—not with strangers...” [38:18]

Closing Guidance

Each call wraps with actionable challenges—whether it’s caring for past versions of yourself, constructing intentional financial boundaries, or putting your growth and autonomy on the calendar. Dr. Delony’s refrain is consistent: radical ownership, humility, compassion, and building a foundation for life defined by integrity and connection—starting with micro-habits and self-care.

For anyone navigating shame, anxiety, or transitions in parenthood, this episode is an honest, non-judgmental roadmap toward self-forgiveness, resilient relationships, and balanced, meaningful living.