The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: I Regret Divorcing My Wife
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)
Date: October 8, 2025

Episode Overview

This heartfelt, caller-driven episode centers on listeners grappling with deep relational and emotional challenges: the aftermath of divorce, the anguish of regret, boundary struggles with parents, and complex marital dilemmas. Dr. John Delony counsels each caller with empathy, tough love, and actionable insight, fostering honest reflection, vulnerable admissions, and practical next steps toward healing and authenticity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller 1: Milo—Regret After Divorce

Milo’s Story

• Regret Post-Divorce: Seven weeks after divorcing his wife, Milo realizes he was largely responsible for the marriage’s breakdown, citing video game addiction, lack of empathy, and poor communication.
  • “I kind of realized, like, I was the problem, and she was amazing.” (02:14)
• Motivations Behind Divorce: Fights about his wife’s stress and emotions reminded him of unresolved childhood trauma; he projected blame onto her for his unhappiness.
• Reflection Triggered by Parting Words: His ex-wife candidly pointed out his deficits—empathy, honesty, addiction—that left her unsupported.
  • “On the final night before I moved out, she kind of, like, told me that, you know, my lack of empathy, my addiction to video games, my dishonesty about my feelings, they were things that continually came up and stressed her out as well.” (04:45)
• The Emptiness of Distraction: Milo, left alone with his games, quickly realized the hollowness of unchecked escapism.
  • “Since you’ve been divorced, you’ve had all the time in the world to play your video games, and it’s pretty hollow, huh?” —Dr. John (05:32)

Dr. John’s Approach

• Mutual Responsibility: Dr. John emphasizes that both partners co-create relational dynamics.
  • “Y’all co-created this, probably, you’re right on multiple counts.” (06:00)
• Avoiding Repetition: Jumping back into the relationship without growth would only recreate dysfunction.
• Inner Healing Steps: Dr. John pushes for tangible change: therapy, exercise, accountability, spiritual engagement—anchoring oneself before considering reconciliation.
  • “What are you doing to begin to heal from the inside out so that you can be the best version of yourself?” (06:54)
• Self-Awareness in Progress: Milo describes resuming exercise, journaling, accountability with friends (“They hold me accountable. I told them what happened. They didn’t know that part of me, and they’re like, man, you’re a jerk.” (08:42)), and a “self-love list” to track daily positive habits.

Can Relationships Be Restored After Deep Regret?

• Hope, But No Guarantees: Milo asks if Dr. John has seen couples reunite after similar situations. Dr. John says yes—if genuine repentance and vulnerability are present.
  • “I have. Have you called her? Have you shown up on her front door, John Cusack style?” (09:24)
• Previous Attempt at Contact: Milo’s earlier “confessional letter” was a “guilt dump” rather than a true apology; it wasn’t well-received (“She never responded to it. I wouldn’t respond to it.” (10:12))
• Right Way to Make Amends: Dr. John advises reaching out not to reclaim the relationship, but to offer a sincere apology and let her know she’s worthy of love, regardless of outcome.
  • “Go let her know that she’s worth being loved because it’s the right thing to do. Go tell her you’re sorry because it’s the right thing to do.” (14:46)
• Letting Go of Shame: Milo gets stuck in guilt; Dr. John challenges him to let go of wallowing, focus on growth, and practice making amends for the sake of his own and future relationships.

Notable Quotes

• “No one I know feels lovable all the time. It’s, will you go do the things, the right next thing, because I love you even when I don’t feel it.” —Dr. John (10:40)
• “You’re not a burden, and you’re not a bother. You screwed up bad. You blew it up. But you moving forward is not a bother, okay?” —Dr. John (14:40)

2. Caller 2: Alyssa—Navigating Parental Boundaries in Young Adulthood

Alyssa’s Story

• Situation: Alyssa, 23, still lives at home in Ontario. Her parents have strong opinions about her life (especially her relationship), and she struggles to differentiate her growing autonomy from their expectations.
  • “How much say should my parents have in my life?” (19:44)
• Conflict Example: Her parents disapprove of her long-distance boyfriend and want more control over who visits or enters their home, challenging her adult decisions while she’s still under their roof.

Dr. John’s Counsel

• Autonomy & Consequence: Living at home means accepting parental input until independence.
  • “They get a say in your life until two months is up.” (20:22)
• Choosing Between Guilt and Resentment: When family disapproves of your choices, action will create guilt or resentment—Dr. John recommends choosing guilt (doing what you believe is right) over lifelong resentment.
  • “If you go with him and they say, fine, we’re not talking to you…you’re going to feel really guilty. But…I would rather you choose guilt over resentment.” (29:22)
• The Value of Launching: Alyssa is reminded of the importance and difficulty of leaving the nest, especially as she’s the first in her family to do so.
  • “You’re blazing a trail. And I’ll tell you on behalf of all 23-year-olds, I’m sorry that your parents aren’t interested in transitioning you to the next stage of your life.” (32:47)

Key Reflections

• Breaking Patterns: The conversation underscores the shifting landscape for young adults and their parents—balancing respect, independence, and emotional connection.
• Practical Next Steps: Dr. John urges Alyssa to research apartments and job options, and to have honest conversations with her parents about her desire for growth.

Notable Quotes

• “A guiding principle for me is to choose guilt over resentment.” —Dr. John (27:38)
• “If you’re constantly living for their approval and their approval continues to move on you, that’s a red flag for me.” —Dr. John (35:53)

3. Caller 3: Will—Spousal Disagreement Over Surrogacy

Will’s Story

• Surrogacy Dilemma: Will’s wife is considering being a surrogate for her sister. Will feels strongly against it, concerned for their marriage, her postpartum mental health, and the impact on their two young children.
  • “How can I say no while protecting our marriage? And if she ultimately decides, how do I keep resentment from taking over?” (37:40)
• Previous Family Conversations: Will shared his concerns, but their interactions around this topic have been emotionally charged and unresolved.

Dr. John’s Guidance

• The Limits of Control: Dr. John explains that while bodily autonomy is his wife’s right, such decisions still profoundly affect the marriage.
  • “You don’t have a lot of say in what she does with her personal body. And at the same time, y’all should…I mean, it’s—yikes.” (37:58)
• Resentment and Repair: Dr. John challenges Will to be honest: If surrogacy is a dealbreaker, that must be made explicit. If not, honest repair and communication are key.
  • “Trying to figure out how to not be resentful when this happens and this [is] something you consider a pretty significant violation…recognizing it’s her body…It’s not that cut and dry, but it kind of is…” (41:57)
• Better Conflict, Better Repair: Instead of heated, rushed arguments (“not the place to blow up on the way out the door” (46:11)), Will should revisit the conversation, apologize for handling it poorly, and listen deeply to his wife’s heart and reasoning.
  • “Maybe you’re not sorry for having your feelings…[but] I hurt you with it.” (51:40)
  • “Establish safety. I’m always going to choose relationship over being right.” (52:20)

Notable Quotes

• “That’s not a marriage, man. That’s two people living side by side. You get what I’m saying?” —Dr. John (47:02)
• “Any man at any time who catches himself being somebody he doesn’t want to be…I have high, high respect for that man. Especially when he says, ‘Alright, I’m going to do the next right hard thing, even if that means taking a knee in front of his wife and saying I’m sorry.’” —Dr. John (53:33)

Memorable Quotes/Moments with Timestamps

• On Realizing Responsibility in Dysfunction
  • “I was just, you know, blind to it. I was, you know, I had such a big ego. I thought I did nothing wrong, and I…I just decided to blame her because it’s…It’s easier than looking at myself.” —Milo (04:25)
• On Attempted Apology Letters
  • “…It just read like, you know, a guilt dump that, you know, she didn’t really deserve.” —Milo (09:39)
• On Adult Children and Parenting Boundaries
  • “I think it is a unspoken about, untalked about, destroyer of families, which is adult parents who think that they get a vote in their kids’ lives…” —Dr. John (23:17)
• On Choosing Growth and Healing
  • “What am I going to do now? Who do I need to go make amends to? Myself included? The sun’s going to come up in the morning. Who am I going to be when it does? It’s your move, brother.” —Dr. John (14:46)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:05-14:46] Milo’s Journey: Divorce, Accountability, and Making Amends
  Learning from loss, acknowledging addiction, and searching for self-forgiveness and healing.
• [19:36-35:53] Alyssa’s Struggle for Autonomy
  Adult children, boundaries, and the challenge of respecting parents while forging independence.
• [37:21-53:33] Will's Surrogacy Dilemma
  Navigating marital conflict, autonomy, resentment, and the essential process of relational repair.

Episode Tone & Takeaways

The show blends directness, vulnerability, and compassionate realism. Dr. Delony doesn’t sugarcoat the pain—hurt, regret, and anxiety are all met with understanding but also a consistent demand for personal responsibility and courageous next steps. Emotional honesty, actionable self-improvement, and the willingness to repair ruptured relationships, even without a guaranteed outcome, are recurring themes.

For listeners:
This episode is a raw, transparent look at the messiness and possibility of change in relationships, whether with partners, parents, or oneself. Dr. Delony’s steady guidance—anchored in both empathy and challenge—offers practical hope for anyone wanting to confront regret, set boundaries, or repair the damage of words and actions.