I Resent My Husband When He’s Away

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show
Episode: I Resent My Husband When He’s Away (January 19, 2026)
Host: Dr. John Delony / Ramsey Network

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Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners through raw, caller-driven conversations about relationships, family dynamics, mental health, and masculinity. Dr. John Delony coaches three callers on issues ranging from marital resentment during a chaotic family season, supporting a partner with depression, to addressing generational anger as a new dad. His humor, candor, and deeply empathetic approach bring both practical steps and emotional relief to listeners navigating real-life challenges.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marital Resentment When Spouses Take Time Away

Caller: Mary, 29, pregnant with 6th child

Mary’s Situation

• Married almost 10 years, 5 kids aged 8 and under, pregnant with a sixth.
• Has a loving, supportive husband. He encourages her to take breaks, but when he leaves for personal time (hunting weekends, etc.), she feels bitter, angry, and experiences "shame and guilt".

Deep Dive with Dr. John

• No Bad Thoughts Philosophy:
  “Thoughts happen... Feelings are a light on a dashboard in your car... where it becomes problematic is when you then go into, I shouldn't be feeling like this.” — Dr. John ([12:57])
• Encourages Mary to accept feelings without over-intellectualizing them. Sometimes, feelings just “are,” rather than always having a deep cause.
• Unpacks Mary’s sense of “fairness” — A lifelong habit of scorekeeping as the oldest sibling; acute awareness of perceived injustice (ex: left-out friends).
• Dr. John guides her to connect current resentment with feelings of being “let down” from her childhood. Her parents’ separations and being forced into adult responsibility built deep sensitivities.

  “I found myself at the age of 14... having to give up things I really loved in order to keep things okay at home... when it happened again, it was like just a huge letdown.” — Mary ([09:58])

• Bodily Memory vs. Reality:
  Even though her husband is showing up, her body “automatically kicks in” with old scripts.
• Suggests compassionate self-talk, shifting mindset from “he did this to me” to “life happened”—and replacing internal narratives with intentional action.

  “What if your mind was he's not going to be home till nine?... I've got bedtime tonight... and I'm going to do one or two things that will blow his mind as he walks in the door.” — Dr. John ([14:12])

Communication and Action Steps

• Instead of reacting with frustration, proactively set expectations (“expect him at nine”) and plan small acts of kindness.
• If lateness becomes a pattern or feels abusive, have a straightforward conversation about needs ("I need you here at six").

  “Scorekeeping is what melts relationships. I did this, and then you did that...” — Dr. John ([17:30])

• Mary is encouraged to design “the next right thing” together with her husband as they adjust to each new phase, avoid resentment, and leverage honesty and intentionality.
• Dr. John offers Mary access to the "Together app" to cultivate daily positive connection.

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2. Supporting a Partner with Depression

Caller: Demus, seeking advice for girlfriend’s clinical depression

Demus’s Concern

• Girlfriend recently started medication for diagnosed depression.
• When she’s in a depressive state, she blames herself and tends to shut down beyond his ability to comfort.
• Demus feels helpless and worries about developing resentment.

Dr. John's Coaching

• You Can’t Fix It All:
  “You can't make her feel anything.” — Dr. John ([23:48])
• Role is not to rescue, but maintain honesty, character, and presence.
• Develop a “plan of action” together during periods when she is well; determine in advance what support looks like when she is low.

  “When she is feeling well, y'all go come up with a game plan... it might be I'm going to back out, and this too shall pass.” — Dr. John ([25:19])

• Warns against over-functioning ("jumping in the hole"), which can reinforce her negative self-view instead of helping.
• Sharing from personal experience:

  “If she's getting up at 2am to feed the baby, I'm gonna be up sitting right next to her... And she said, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard... We need one functioning brain in this house.” — Dr. John ([29:36])

• Urges Demus to avoid making her depression about his own worth. Instead, focus on “anchored presence.”

  “The thing she might need more than anything else in the world is you... not your solutions, not your advice, not your stuff.” — Dr. John ([33:54])

• Suggests involving her therapist to co-create strategies for support ("I'd love to come to a session so the three of us can make a plan").
• Encourages men to redefine protection and provision in the modern world — sometimes, it means “providing boundaries, not answers; protection looks like safeguarding her space.”

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3. Breaking the Cycle of Generational Anger as a New Dad

Caller: Scott, new father struggling with resurfacing anger

Scott’s Challenge

• New parent of a 2-month-old, realizing old anger issues haven’t disappeared.
• Feels powerless to comfort his son or help much while wife breastfeeds; falls into “failure factory” at home.
• Repeats pattern of unplugging/numbing out, as his own father did.

Dr. John's Approach

• Anger signals "something we care about that should be a certain way isn't."
• Scott exposes difficulty with control, people-pleasing, and lack of emotional connection growing up.
• Dr. John highlights the link between childhood emotional neglect/unmet needs and adult anger, especially when facing the powerlessness of new fatherhood.

  “You learned at a really young age your emotions don't matter. Shut them down... They come out... enraged for a two month old. Because you're getting your self-story reconfirmed that I can't even do this one right.” — Dr. John ([43:02])

• Finding Worth and Purpose at Home:
  Takes aim at the myth of “balance”; instead, urges creating new habits and finding actionable ways to show up (leaving phone in car, asking wife for lists, co-creating plans for support).
• Reframes “just showing up” as not enough—there must be intentionality (“showing up with a plan”).
• Recommends powerful rituals:
  1. Writing two letters — one to 7-year-old self, affirming “you’re a good kid”, and one to his son, declaring the cycle of anger and avoidance ends with him ([54:03]).
• Stresses that “anger isn't wrong,” but what matters is choosing how to respond, not numbing or escaping.

  “Game on, dads. I'm in this with you.” — Dr. John ([55:00])

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4. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Feelings are a light on a dashboard in your car... where it becomes problematic is when you then go into, 'I shouldn't be feeling like this.'” — Dr. John ([12:57], to Mary)
• “Scorekeeping is what melts relationships.” — Dr. John ([17:30])
• “You can't make her feel anything.” — Dr. John ([23:48], to Demus)
• “Protection looks like I'm going to provide boundaries for you, not answers.” — Dr. John ([35:00])
• “Your anger, brother, is not wrong... Are you going to numb it out?” — Dr. John ([51:15], to Scott)
• “Write a letter to your 7 year old son, and let him know that this generational avoidance, this generational anger ends here.” — Dr. John ([54:03])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:05–17:30 – Mary’s call: Motherhood, resentment, and childhood scars
• 22:17–35:00 – Demus’s call: Loving a partner with depression
• 38:13–55:00 – Scott’s call: Fatherhood, anger, generational healing
• 58:05–61:58 – Lighthearted Chat: Kelly’s knee surgery and scooter story (comic relief, inside team banter)

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Tone and Takeaways

Dr. John’s signature approach weaves compassion, humor, and practical psychology. He insists that emotions are signals, not sins; that honesty and intentionality trump perfection; and that generations can be healed when men and women choose, together, to “do the next right thing.” The episode is a toolbox for anyone feeling shame for their honest reactions, striving to love someone through mental illness, or longing to rewrite the script handed down by difficult family histories.

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Useful Resources Mentioned:

• Together app: for intentional marital connection
• Marriage retreats: for re-setting partnership goals

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Transcript

[A]

I have five little kids.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm actually. I'm pregnant with number six. I'm married to the best man in the world, but when he wants to go, like, on a hunting weekend or do things to, like, refuel for himself, I find myself, like, just feeling super bitter.

[B]

So this is gonna sound counterintuitive, but. What's going on? This is Jon. Dr. John DeLoney show coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee. Taking real calls from real people, going through all kinds of stuff in their marriages and their dating life with their kids, with their mental emotional health. Whatever you got going on. I want you to pull up a seat and grab some imaginary nachos. We're going to figure out what's the next right move in your life. Let's go to Fargo, North Dakota, and talk to Mar. What's up, Mary?

[A]

Hi, Dr. John.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

[B]

I'm doing great. What's going on in your world?

[A]

Yeah. So I'll just jump right in.

[B]

Yes. Cannonball.

[A]

Yeah. So I am 29 years old. I've been married for almost 10 years, and I have five little kids with my husband.

[B]

Whoa. That's a lot of people in the house.

[A]

It's a lot of people. Yeah.

[B]

How old is your oldest?

[A]

He just turned eight.

[B]

You have five kids? Eight and under?

[A]

Yes. Yeah, I do.

[B]

Do you just set yourself on fire just to feel fun? Sometimes. Good.

[A]

I always joke with my husband that I'm gonna set my hair on fire and run down the street. That's like our. Our joke that.

[B]

No, you already did that. You did that. Wow.

[A]

I know. Yeah, we. But it's so great.

[B]

Oh, of course.

[A]

We're very blessed.

[B]

What an amazing, chaotic, fun adventure y' all are on. That's cool.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm actually. I'm pregnant with number six, because.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Super new. Why not at this point? You know you have a backup on your background.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So if you ever want to call into the show and ask why this keeps happening, I could probably help you out there, too. But it's good.

[A]

Yeah, we do. We probably do need some help in that area.

[B]

No, no, keep them coming.

[A]

Just given up.

[B]

Keep coming. I love it.

[A]

Yeah. So I. I'm married to. Seriously, the best. The best man in the world. I. I knew I would get emotional at this point. You know how you always say, like, that girls should have a dad that would light the world on fire for them?

[C]

That's.

[A]

That's my husband. He would Literally do anything for me.

[C]

And I love hearing that.

[A]

Yeah, he's just. He is so great, and I really lucked out.

[B]

Did he look out, too?

[A]

Yeah, I think he did.

[B]

Yeah, he did.

[A]

Yeah. But, yeah, I recently just, like, when he wants to go, like, on a hunting weekend or do things to, like, refuel for himself, I find myself, like, just feeling super bitter. And it always starts out great. Like, I normally have a plan for all the kids for those weekends or those evenings or whatever. And it just seems like, you know, if he runs a little bit late or if something, you know, like, if life happens and it ends up being later than he thought or something, I just, like, I feel something inside of me that just, like, bubbles over and I get, like, so angry and feel myself getting bitter about it, and I feel so much shame and guilt around it because he's so supportive whenever I need time. Like, if I want to go to a ladies night or book club or a retreat, he's just so supportive and would literally do anything to. To help me with that. And so I feel like it's something like. Like deep inside of me, and I just can't seem to figure out what it is. And so I thought maybe you would have an idea.

[B]

Yeah, like. Well, I mean, a. You're. I. I like to start with the premise there's no bad thoughts. Thoughts happen.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And feelings are a light on a dashboard in your car.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So sometimes they're annoying, sometimes they're. They keep us safe. Sometimes they're right, like, but they just are right. And I think we get ourselves into trouble when we act on every feeling. Or more importantly, we try to subs. We try to ascribe meaning and depth and what's going on in my subconscious to every emotion and feeling. And so this is going to sound counterintuitive, but. And this may be the wrong track, but what if we unintellectualize them and we just put them on the table? As I'm pregnant with five kids and I love, love, love that my husband's got friends and hobbies and activities, and I won the lottery with him. He won the lottery with me. But, dude, our life is scheduled to the second because it has to be, because we're not even 30 and we already have a basketball team with the backup on the way. And, like, there. It's just whole. There's a lot going on. So what if the. Your body's alarm system, what if it's detecting a low air pressure in one of the tires? But that's not really what's. You know what I mean? Maybe it's just low because it's cold outside and doesn't mean something's wrong, something's broken. It just kind of is. Yeah. Or has this been something that's been following you around forever? Have you been a scorekeeper your whole life? Or Jocko calls it the fairness fairy. Have you been looking since you were a little kid? My daughter has that. Like, I got this piece of chocolate. Yours has to be the exact same size as mine, or it. Like, it's cosmically unfair and we just set everything on fire. Like, which one of those feels right?

[A]

Well, I'm the oldest sibling in my family, so probably the latter.

[B]

Okay. All right. So you're a. This wasn't fair. Younger one, got the car and you had to ride your bike and that kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah, I think that resonates a little bit more with me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Especially because, like, when it does happen, it's like I. I think I try. I try to do, like, any sort of. Any sort of, like, mental gymnastics I can to like, make sure that it's not a big deal and that I'm not overreacting. And it's just like, it feels like it's this thing that I just, like, cannot. Cannot get over. You know what I mean?

[B]

What is it? Like, so take kids off and take husband off. Okay, give me an example of something off the table. Give me some. An example of something that you see in the world that is just patently unfair and it enrages you.

[A]

I would say. Yeah, like, well, this is kind of, I guess, a maybe too personal of an example, but, like, if I have a friend that's like, not invited to a group gathering and it's not like my thing that I'm hosting, I get like. I get really angry for that person when that person might not even care.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay. So you have like an internal sense of justice.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. For sure.

[B]

Things need to be the right way or else.

[A]

Yes, often.

[B]

Like, so a good. A sense of justice is important. I want everyone in the world to have that. I think that's amazing. But if it is serving as an anti anxiety medication for you, if it's your way to get some tiny sense of control in your life when the world feels out of control because you have five kids, eight and under.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right. Then it can. It can be. It becomes not a useful way of being in the world, but it becomes a drug. And then nothing feels better than when everything's out of control. Nothing Feels better than rage. That's why our culture is the way it is right now. Because things are, things are uncertain, things are out of control. And so what do we do? We just get enraged because it feels, it makes us feel powerful underneath a blanket on our own couch.

[A]

Yeah, that. I relate a lot to that.

[B]

So what is it, what is it getting you?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

Or let me ask it this way. What, what is feelings serve a purpose. So what is your body trying to protect you from?

[A]

I think it's trying to tell me that I'm being let down.

[B]

Ah, tell me about that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I was let down.

[C]

A lot growing up.

[B]

How so? Give me an example.

[A]

Well, my family, my parents, they separated twice while I was growing up and then for a third time, more recently, almost four years ago. And yeah, being the oldest, I. Yeah, my dad had to go to rehab. He had to, he went and did a lot of things to, to better himself. And I found myself like at the age of 14, having to go and work and having to give up things that I really loved in order to, to keep things okay at home. And I think then when they were okay for a long time and three years ago it happened again. It was like just a huge letdown.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a huge shock. And I kind of got brought back to all those feelings of when I. What I felt growing up.

[B]

So. And I need you to be honest. Okay. Because we can't get to the truth unless you just can lay it all out there. Somebody can be wonderful and not show up all the time or not fully understand the extent of it, of their not showing up. So you've got this amazing, self described, wonderful, won the lottery husband. Are there places where he's not showing up in this new. Y' all have a brand new marriage and you're about to have another new marriage. Y' all had six new marriages, right? Is there places where he's not showing up as you need him in this new world?

[A]

Okay, I know you're going to call me crazy, but honestly, no.

[D]

Okay, great.

[A]

Like, no, that's great is why I feel like so much shame around this.

[B]

Okay, what if you were really compassionate with your body? Because when he's late and your body goes, see, I told you he's not going to show up for you either. You intellectually know that's not true. But your body's got a road map. It's been down this before and it just automatically kicks in to four wheel drive to keep you safe. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. That doesn't mean your thoughts are bad. That doesn't mean your feelings are bad. That doesn't mean you getting angry is bad. Where it becomes problematic is when you then go into, I shouldn't be feeling like this. I'm a bad wife. He could have done better. I can't believe these kids got stuck with me as a mom. And now we're off to the race to the bottom. You get what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[B]

It's the difference in. He did a thing that I don't necessarily like, which is come home two hours late, which is fine.

[D]

And.

[B]

He did that to me.

[A]

Right. Like deciphering between, like he didn't do that on purpose to hurt me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And telling my body that it's okay.

[B]

And the way we tell our body is not sitting in our heads and stewing. The way we tell our body is going to do the next right thing. And I think we have over intellectualized everything. We think about it and think about it and talk about it and listen to podcasts about it and we think about it some more and then we talk about it some more and our body is going to war inside of our own chest because it, it thinks the stories we're telling it are, are real. It's. It's go time. He's going to leave and then he bebops in the door and he's like, I got a big buck. And you're like, shut up. Right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because you, you've been having, you've been having an imaginary conversation with him for hours.

[A]

Yeah, that's pretty spot on.

[B]

So what does it look like to a when he goes out and I'm making something up in real time that may or may not happen in my house on a regular basis, especially during hunting season. What if when he goes out Saturday morning at 4 o' clock in the morning and he says, I'm going to be back tonight, I'll be back around six. In his heart and mind he wants to pull in that driveway at 5:45 and life happens. The woods are crazy places. What if your mind was, he's not going to be home till nine, I'm going to expect him at nine. So I've got bedtime tonight. I've got all this stuff tonight and I'm going to do one or two things that will blow his mind as he walks in the door. Not he's going to walk in the door and I'm going to dump five Kids worth of frustration on him. I'm going to hand him his favorite warm tea when he walks in the door.

[A]

Yeah, I like that a lot better.

[B]

Well, and what it's doing is it's taking it out of your head, and it is. I had this feeling he's not coming back. And, you know, yeah, he is. And since he's coming back, he's that kind of guy. I'm going to begin to teach my body that when he's late, I got an opportunity to serve. I got an opportunity to double down amidst all the crazy. And you have to have the courage that if he's like, oh, sweet man, she doesn't care when I get home and she greets me with a cup. And if this becomes. I'm not saying abusing in, like, the abusive word. You know what I mean? Yeah. But like, in the. If it becomes something he takes for granted, then I'm gonna have the courage to sit down and say, hey, when you say you're going to be home at six, like, come hell or high water, I need you to be here at 6.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I know when you say 6 with all of your heart in mind, you want to be here six, but I know it's not nine, but now you're coming home at 11.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

And being able to put that on the table and he sounds like the kind of guy that could hear that and be like, you're exactly right, I messed that up. Won't happen again.

[A]

Yeah, totally. He would.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think that would for sure be a good. A good place to start. For sure.

[B]

So you saying, hey, when you walk in the door, if you have some dinner with you or my favorite cup of coffee, or you come in and you go straight upstairs to jump into bedtime, that would mean the world to me.

[A]

Yeah, that's a really good idea. I think sometimes, like, in the craziness, like, those are the details that we miss because it's just like constant survival mode.

[B]

Exactly right. And so how do you and him get away for a morning and say, hey, we're about to have our sixth or seventh marriage. We've never been married with six kids, and so we have a new one. That's awesome. It may look like for a couple of years, hunting season is like one or two weekends. And I know you love it with all your heart, but we both decided to create, you know, a half a dozen humans, and that's going to come as some sacrifice. That's great. Cool.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And when you walk in that door here's what I need from you. But then he walks in the door refreshed, and he's got a road map to you. You have been intentional about the things that you need to do to be well, and it stops it from being well. I had to do this, so you had to do that. The scorekeeping is what melts relationships. I did this, and then you did that, and then if it does, he's going to turn into, oh, I can't get one weekend, I can't get two weekends. I can't get three weekends a year to go. Right? And of course, that's not reality either. And so it's backing all the way out and saying, okay, we got a new marriage. What do we want this to feel like? And I'm going to be really honest and intentional with you. And I'm going to ask you to be really honest and intentional with me. And the driver here is you are not going to beat yourself up about those lightning bolt thoughts that pop in your head. And you're going to have a list of things that are the next right thing. But I guess the met I want to pass along to you is there's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You're in a wild season. And it's going to take him giving up some stuff, you giving up some stuff. And more importantly, it's going to be y' all giving up secrets and being honest about, here's exactly what I want on a day in, day out basis and on these special weekends, and you having the courage to take him up on it and him having the courage to take you up on it. I'm going to send you a code. I want you to start using the Together app. It's. It's become one of my favorite things in the world, but it's just a daily practice for this marriage app. And hang on the line here. I'm going to hook you up with a. With a free app that you and your husband can use. And it will just pop up a daily reminder, a thing to do for one another so that your partner is seen and heard and celebrated. And it provides the foundation that when you need to challenge each other, you can hang on the line here, which you're taking care of. Thanks for the call, sister. You're not broken and you're not messed up and you're not a bad person. Your body's working exactly as it should. And now we're going to lean on intentionality. Thanks for the call, sister. We come back, a man asks how to respond to his girlfriend's depression. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As we head into the New year, I want you to take an inventory of all of the junk you're carrying, all those things that you think you have to do, along with all the past hurts and pains, along with past guilt and shame. Listen, when the world feels heavy, it's important to look in the mirror and consider setting down all of that old weight and not carrying it into 2026. Therapy can help you identify all that heavy stuff and move forward with clarity and so you can focus on the New year unburdened by the past. 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[E]

Better than I deserve. Thanks for taking my call.

[B]

Excellent, man. What's up?

[E]

All right, as you know, I asked a question. Sorry, I'm a little nervous. I'm a fan, so.

[B]

Oh, you're good, bro. And I don't know the question is coming, so let it rip.

[E]

All right, so my question was, how do I. Like, I need a toolkit. How do I respond to when my girlfriend is depressed? So I guess I'll give some details. So, you know, recently, like a week or two ago, she started taking medication because, you know, she's clinically depressed. She found out and we've been, you know, we spend time together and she.

[B]

So she's not just grouchy or sad. This is, this is a real deal, Lucille.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, she gets. And she gets in these head spaces and sometimes it's bipolar for no reason or if like a little thing, like if we have like a little disagreement, it'll kind of. She'll overly blame herself and get in the headspace and I feel bad and I. I'd sit where I asked her, like, how can I help? And I'm sorry. And then sometimes that doesn't even help. And she's just stuck there and there's nothing I can do to help her. And I feel bad and I'm afraid I'm building. I'm building up resentment from it and I feel bad about myself and I'm like, no. So I just. I just don't know what to do. I want to know what's the right thing to do? How do I properly.

[C]

As you know.

[B]

Yeah, that's a great question, man. Thank you for loving her in that way and for being honest about putting it on the table. That's great, dude. Thank you. So I. I'll start with the hard truth first, and then we'll reverse engineer it. Okay. The hard truth is you can't make her feel anything.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The thing you can do is, given this context, my girlfriend is struggling with a depressive disorder, which is a very real thing. She's seeing, seeking professional help for it and all that. Great, wonderful. The thing you can control here is, am I going to. When I begin to feel like I gotta not tell the truth? When I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, When I feel like these things, am I going to continue to be a person of character and integrity?

[E]

Okay.

[B]

When you start to, quote, unquote, feel bad because you told the truth, because you. She is saying to you through her lens, through her not being like, she's. She's not well, being able. Saying, you did this, or I'm the worst, or I'm. Whatever. The moment you start to go, well, now I feel bad that she is. I'm. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna choose to go down that road. I'm gonna do the next right thing. Here's how you determine what the next right thing is. When she is feeling well, y' all go come up with a game plan, okay? So that when things get. When she gets low, which is part of loving somebody with depression, I. I know the next right thing for me to do, it might be I'm gonna back out.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

And this too, shall pass.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

It might be I'm going to drop what I'm doing and sit by you for 30 minutes, and we're gonna watch a cheesy TV show.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

But I'm not going to grab the rope and go down in the basement with you because I make it all worse by doing that.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You get what I'm saying?

[E]

Absolutely.

[B]

And you're a guy who loves her deeply. Is that. Is that right? I. I hear it on you.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like. Like I said, I feel real bad because I feel like I want to help her so bad that I feel like I'm doing too much, making it worse. Like you're describing, it's like. But you know what I mean? Like, it's totally.

[B]

And so somebody who's struggling with depression, the moment somebody reaches in, overreaches, it confirms that they aren't enough. It confirms, oh, you're exactly right. I was the problem. Look how great this guy is. Now he's bringing me breakfast. Now he's. And that actually compounds the issue. You see what I'm saying? And you are doing an amazing thing. Like, oh, my gosh, my girlfriend's not feeling great right now. I'm going to do all of these things that I know would make me feel better if I wasn't feeling good. Okay. Instead of sitting down and saying, not when she's low because she's she's seeing the world through a pair of glasses. And those glasses are not telling the truth. And those glasses are depression.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

When she is. Well, when she is having a season of clarity. Okay. What does it look like? How can I best love you in these. In these moments? And by the way, this will alter and change. And this has become my favorite part of being married, which is this used to be the way I could love you. What's the new way? And instead of me being mad like I can't set it and forget it, now I get to relearn. Re. Get to know my wife all the time. And it's become one of my favorite things in the world.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

It keeps everything alive. Right? It keeps everything from getting stale and boring.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

But for you, a guy who loves her, and I'm over generalizing here, but most men are fixers. I want to fix this thing. And if she had fallen down in a hole, you'd be the first guy to climb down that hole and get her out. Right. And it might be that what she really needs is to go to sleep.

[C]

Ah. Okay.

[B]

She really needs.

[E]

I didn't think about it like that.

[B]

A couple of hours to I. She knows her body. This, too, will pass. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go eat something. I'm gonna go. Some coffee. I'm gonna call a girlfriend. I'm gonna. Whatever. And that's not a. That's not a. It's not an indictment of how much you love her. In fact, the hardest thing for you to do is to not try to jump down in that hole with her.

[E]

Gotcha.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

You get what I'm saying?

[E]

I didn't think about it like that at all.

[B]

The act of courage is not jumping, which sounds counterintuitive to guys like you and me.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Where this becomes hard. And again, I'm gonna be honest. Where this becomes really tough is if part of her narrative that she tells herself is, you need to be down there with her, you need to be miserable too. It's not fair that you're not miserable. And part of healing from anxiety, part of healing from depression, in some cases, healing depression, depending on the severity and the depth and the type, is managing it is knowing. Let me. Let me. Let me take depression anxiety off, because those are third rails and those are diagnostics, and in our current world, they get thrown around a lot. Okay. Okay. Can I tell you one of the awesomest things my wife did for me whenever she got pregnant with our son. I was going to be a cool, modern bro. If she's going through it, I'm going through it. If she's getting up at 2am to feed the baby, I'm gonna be up sitting right next to her, all bleary because we're in this together. And she said, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We need one functioning brain in this house.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

You sleep. I will get up and I will feed the kid. This is going to be my magic time with him.

[E]

Interesting.

[B]

I need you getting up at six o' clock in the morning or five in the morning with a clear head.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Right. And so part of healing or managing anxiety or managing depression is not that I can't suddenly feel like, snap out of it. That isn't. That's not real. Right. She's hurting. But part of the management is when I feel like I want him here. I know that the greatest gift he's giving himself and to me and to our relationship is he's doing the things to keep both of us well. And if she keeps saying, I want you down in the hole with me, and you know, being down in that hole, she knows being down that hole actually compounds it, makes it worse. That's when you have to have bigger, harder conversations about the nature of your relationship.

[C]

Okay. Huh?

[B]

How does that all sound? I threw a lot at you.

[E]

Yeah. And I'm just processing. No, that's really how I did not think about it because that's exactly how I feel. Like when she gets in those, like, states, I'm like, wow. Like, I just, like, don't know what to do. And I feel like, like I said, when the first instance, I'm like, let me try to. And I'm like, that makes it worse. And then sometimes I like, act dumb and make her laugh and that'll help too. But usually it's not enough. And I just, like. I just, like, feel bad. Like, I didn't think about it.

[B]

Like, I want you to stay on that line right there.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I want you to really work hard to avoid the phrase I'm not enough.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's hard for you to metabolize her. Depression is not about you.

[E]

Okay?

[B]

It affects you, it affects y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

But it's powerful and painful inside of her heart and mind, and it's hard to think, this has nothing to do with me.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

She has a different mind and brain than you have. And depending on the severity of clinical depression, there's a reason I have not written the book Building a non depressed life because depression works different. It's, it's, it's. There's all different types. It's, it's, there's severity differences and whatever. And I'm always really careful with depression because it, it's. Depression can be a, like a gnarly demon.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But you being honest with her when y' all are having open and honest dialogue in a place where she can hear it of, hey, I would love to come to one of your counseling sessions one day so that the three of us, you and her and the therapist can come up with a game plan on how you can best love her when she's feeling low.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

That would be a way that you could really reach across the aisle for her. But you see that she's getting to decide how she can best be loved. Not you coming over and saying, I'm going to rescue you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And probably she's going to say, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's. It's hard to keep wading through that. And that's what love looks like. I'm gonna keep waiting through it.

[C]

Okay. Wow. Okay.

[B]

I'm gonna make you a breakfast and then I'm gonna disappear for a while or I'm gonna bring you bagels and coffee. That's your favorite thing. I don't know what her favorite thing is, but I'm gonna bring that to you and I'm gonna come back the next day or at 5pm and it's going to be uneaten on the counter and I'm not going to immediately go, I screwed up.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Because it might never have been about the bagels. It might have been a tiny glimmer of light in the darkness that that guy shows up for me. That's what I needed more than the bagel. You get what I'm saying?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Guys are really task oriented and problem solving centric. And this, let me say it this way, the thing she might need more than anything else in the world is you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Not your solutions, not your advice, not your stuff.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It might need to be that. There's a steady, anchored presence in my life even if he's not right next to me.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

And most men really have a hard time believing they're enough without their advice or their solutions.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

How does that resonate?

[C]

That's.

[E]

It's really helpful. Yeah. Because.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Let me tell you this, brother.

[E]

I didn't.

[C]

Yeah. Okay, you're a.

[B]

And this is for the men listening and this is for the women listening who have men in their lives. Men are told you need to go in guns a blazing, swords drawn to protect and provide. And I like that. I like, I do believe that men need to be ferocious when they need to be. But often protect and provide. In the modern context where women are earning, women have economic viability, there's medical support systems, there's all sorts of other contexts that have never existed before. Sometimes, often protect and provide means I'm going to protect your space, I'm going to provide boundaries for you, not answers. Protection looks like I'm going to make sure that our buddies don't reach out to you. When you just tell me you need a night or a weekend off, I'll send the text message. Not I'm going to come in and with swords drawn. And that's a, that's a different, it's, it's a, it's nurturing, it's caring and it's a new way of, of being masculine in the 21st century. It's a, both. And can we hold that tension of I could go in there swords drawn. And the thing that we need right now is silence. The thing we need right now is rooted presence. The thing that we need right now is me. And that's a shift, that's a skill set men need to learn moving forward and especially with somebody who's hurting. And a bravo to her for going to get the care she needs. Bravo to you for wanting to love the best way possible. This is amazing. This is awesome. This is how relationships are going to move forward in the 21st century. It's awesome. She's lucky to have you, brother. But it's you saying, okay, I've got this one skill set and it will serve my buddies, it will serve me. But right now she needs something different. And let's all sit down and discuss that. Well done, man. You call me anytime. I love talking to guys like you who want to get this thing right and not just force their will. You want to get this right because you love her. It's awesome. And if she ever wants to call, you want to call in together to solve a particular problem, man, call me anytime. I love it. I'm proud of you, brother. When we come back, a man asks how to resolve deep seated anger issues now that he's got a newborn. We'll be right back. Let me tell you about Hallow, the number one Christian prayer and meditation app in the world. My life can be chaotic. I'm a speaker, I'm a writer, I'm a dad, I'm a husband, and I do this show. I can get unhinged. And that's why I listen to the daily gospel on Hallow almost every morning in the car on the way into the office. It helps me pause, breathe, and let the words settle in. It's one of those non negotiable starts to my day. It's a reset button for my head in my heart. And then at night, when my brain's still spinning, sometimes I'll put on one of Hallow's sleep meditations or a nighttime devotional. Things slow down and it helps me quit fighting my own thoughts. Hallow has daily devotionals, thoughtful meditations about prayer and leading a spiritual life all in one place. It's the stuff that helps me pause and reflect instead of just reacting to everything. Bottom line, Hallow helps me make space for peace. And I need that. You need that. We all do. If you want to start your day in a new way, check out Hallow right now. When you sign [e-mail] Delona, you'll get three months for free. That's Hallow. H-A-L-L-O-W.com Deloney for three full months of the app for free. All right, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Let's talk to brother Scott. What's up, Scott?

[C]

Hey, John. How's it going?

[B]

I'm good, man. How are you?

[C]

Doing great, Doing great. Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the call.

[B]

Oh, man, I'm. I'm grateful you're calling in. What's going on, brother?

[C]

So I recently had a newborn within the past two months and I'm starting to realize that the anger issues I thought were gone are still, still with me. And I really need to get them resolved so I don't pass them on to him going forward.

[B]

Dude, I would high five you and hug you if you were here. This is how family trees change, brother. I like you see it, you recognize it, and you think not. He needs to fix his nine month old self. But I got some work as a grown man to do. Good on you, brother. That's awesome, dude. All right, so under the framework that anger points us to something that we care about that should be a certain way that it's not. What is your anger protecting you from? What is it sensing in the world that isn't as things should be? Because I don't think anger is a bad thing.

[C]

No, I think a lot of it is. I'm A control freak.

[B]

There we go. Okay.

[C]

So when I, When I can't control somebody else's feelings or like I feel like my son has everything taken care of and I. He still is upset and still is unsettled. I get. I can just feel it in my hands and I clench my jaw that I just want it to be. I want him to be settled and I guess be. Be taken care of, if that makes sense.

[B]

Yeah. And he's two months old.

[C]

Yeah. Too much.

[B]

Yeah. He. He. He has one thing going on through his nervous system. Right. By the way, he's. He's a nervous system. That's all he is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You ever had a tooth that you had. You had pulled?

[C]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

He's that an exposed nerve. That's all he is. And all this nerve wants is mom, food, warmth, sleep. Yeah, that's it.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And the pro. I. Dude, you're giving me flashbacks. I've never felt more powerless in my life than when I could not comfort my young son.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And when I feel powerless, I feel shamed. I feel like a loser. I feel like a total bum. What kind of loser can't comfort his screaming, crying, two month old, six month old, nine month old.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's a. Definitely a tough place to be because I, like, I can't. I mean, I can feed them, but my wife is breastfeeding, so she's. She's feeding them and I, I'm just kind of there to be the diaper changer and.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Burp man. And it's about all I can offer, unfortunately.

[B]

All right, so I'm gonna be a. A buddy at the bar for a second and go, Yep, that's it. For a long time. Okay. But also, that's not helpful. So let me ask you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where in your life have you been told you were? Not enough.

[C]

Gosh, I.

[B]

My guess is for a long time.

[C]

Yeah. I, I tend to be a people pleaser.

[B]

How come? When was the first time you realized. Not that I am a people pleaser, but I have to be one.

[C]

That's tough.

[B]

Which one of your parents, if not both of them, was. Were you responsible for making sure they didn't get mad?

[C]

He was pretty emotionally unavailable.

[B]

Your dad?

[C]

Yeah, my dad.

[B]

Okay. And so how did, how did you get his attention?

[C]

I guess. I don't know. I. I didn't really ever get his attention, if that's what you're asking. He was not really around. He worked a lot and. And when he was home, he was in his own world, I guess. And I know, I was kind of, I'm the youngest of four so I was kind of left to my own devices. Yep.

[B]

And so the way you reassured your tiny little nervous system that you were safe was either I'm going to be unnoticed, that's the safest place for me or I'm going to go get straight A's or I'm going to fold everything exactly perfectly.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And all, all I'm looking for is a scrap of emotional connection. Maybe it's the eyebrow raise, maybe it's a pat on the head. Maybe it's the oh good. Or maybe it's the ah, you didn't screw that up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that type of. You learned at a really young age your emotions don't matter. Shut them down.

[C]

Yeah. I'm Learning as a 30 year old man that I actually do have emotions and feelings.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

And I kinda.

[B]

And they come out in a like shaking up a two liter bottle.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They come out enraged for a two month old. Because you're getting, you're getting your self story reconfirmed that I can't even do this one right. I couldn't get it with my dad and now I'm doing it again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In a strange, in a strange. This is going to sound like weird and if you and I had a couple of hours together I would dig into this more. But there's two stories you can tell about your dad. One is he felt that same level of anger and rage and the greatest gift he knew to give you guys was to unplug.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because he didn't want to pass it on. And there's a weird, there's a weird type of compassion I would have for somebody. That would open his toolkit and there's literally no tools there. And so he just unplugged the machine to keep it from burning down. What a lonely, scary, frustrating place for our dads. Right. And the challenge for you, like the change your family tree is how can I, and this is going to sound crazy. How can I grow to believe. That my son won the lottery with me as his dad not by what I can do in this particular moment, but because there's a roof over his head. Because I love his mother recklessly. Because I know that right now he doesn't even have a cognitive thought in his mind. And I'm going to honor and, and you may have heard me talk to another caller. Protecting and providing right now is I'm going to provide space for this little bundle of nerves and his mom to have a really Special time together. What a gift I can give them. And that's where I'm going to find purpose and value right now. Or let me put it this way. If you don't think you're worth much, you're not going to find worth out there.

[C]

Yeah. How, how do I, I guess, find worth around the house? Because I, I tend to overwork myself at work and then come home and I guess do the same thing he did. It just kind of unplug and just kind of be alone or sit on my phone too much. How do I try to balance going from just diving into work and then doing the same thing?

[B]

I guess it's completely throwing away, wadding up and throwing away the word balance.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's a, it's a, it's a fantasy. It's not real.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And the trap I fell into. And as I've traveled the country, I do most of my public speaking with businesses and most of my behind closed door with stuff with business leaders, men. The baby comes home the first time and they realize or they tell themselves a story. I'm useless here. I don't know how to do the typers right. I don't get the bottle just the right temperature. I don't know what I'm doing here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so home becomes a failure factory. And good men and, and you can drink it away. You can Internet pornography it away. You can start like texting a co worker on the side. You can do that. Most of the men I talk to, they do the one thing they know they can do that makes them feel like they're helping the family, which is go work more. I'm no good here. I'll go there where I can make some more money and I can at least contribute that way.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when you walk inside of a failure factory, it makes perfect sense that your body's like, dude, we got a numb out here. And in the past that was a bunch of beers. Now it's just these stupid phones that we have. We. It's a portal to another world. We can just sit in our own couch and escape to another planet.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The problem is our kids register that nervous system detachment. The same as with alcohol. There's a body right here, but they're not here. Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So the challenge is the, the, the, the next right masculine move, if you will, is I feel useless. My body's given me a signal that this how I'm a failure here. And intellectually I know this is not true. So I'm going to go do the Next right thing. And for me, that is leaving my social media phone in the car because I can't control it. For me, it's asking my wife. I need a list of things to be that I can help you with in this home.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

And I want to be picking up my infant son and comforting him, and I want that smile, but that's not here yet. It will come. And, bro, it will come in like a tsunami and it'll be the greatest thing ever. And that will come with its own set of challenges.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're going to want, like, you've got pictures of y' all playing baseball together or whatever. Drawing together, whatever. And your kid's gonna have exactly opposite things. Right. It's just part of.

[C]

Definitely.

[B]

But powerful displays of masculine strength in your situation might be washing all the dishes and make sure those bottles are completely clean and ready to rock and roll.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know what that means. It's you sitting down with your wife saying, I want to feel like I have a purpose here and I'm out of my depths. I never babysat as a kid. I never changed a diaper as a kid. This is all new to me. And so I'm going to ask you to give me a roadmap for the best way I can love you right now in the next. For the next 30 days. By the way, in month three, you're gonna have a totally new kid. Month six, you'll have a radically new kid.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

It changes so fast. And so you and your wife are going to turn in. It's going to become one of your favorite games, which is not games, but favorite get to know you is how can I love you right now? How can I love you right now?

[C]

And just asking that every day, how can I love you right now?

[B]

How can I love you right now? And. And there's going to be bigger pictures. And this is very unhollywood. Everything about Hollywood says you should just magically know. And she might feel like, oh, now I'm a mother of two. Two men. A little. Two little boys. My husband doesn't even know what to do. Hopefully she has deep compassion. And she says, man, I got a guy stepping up here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He doesn't even know all the stuff. And that's my hope that she'll treat you like that.

[C]

I think she will. I think so.

[B]

I'm confident she will. But your anger, brother, is not wrong.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's the next right. Are you going to numb it out?

[C]

No. Definitely.

[B]

Do you have a group of Guys you can go meet with and hang out with once a week. Are you regularly engaged in the failure factory? Which is super frustrating?

[C]

Yeah, I'll have to. I have a group of guys I can talk to, but I'll have to get them together more often.

[B]

It just becomes an intentionality.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And bro, I have it wired into me. The nights my wife went back, she taught night. She was graduates teaching graduate school. She'd teach at night. And it was three hours of total hell. I could not make my son stop screaming. And I felt like such a failure, man.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. Definitely tough.

[B]

And now I realize I wasn't. I was there. I kept showing up and you kept showing up and you keep showing up and you don't do it right. And you learn. It's seeing those numbing devices, whether it's your phone, whether it's pornography, whether it's whatever. And you're saying I'm gonna stay in this discomfor because it's only a season.

[C]

So at this point it's just showing up as the, the best plan of attack it.

[B]

But showing up with a plan, not just showing up because you're going to feel that, that you'll feel like a bump on a log and that will just perpetuate.

[C]

Showing up for the plan makes sense.

[B]

And, and being honest about like at work, people come to you for the plan. What do we do next? You're like, I got this walking into this season and saying I don't know what the next right move is. Can we co create a plan for the next 30 days and then putting it on the calendar for January. Can we co create a plan here? Putting one on the calendar for February. Can we co create a plan here?

[C]

Oh, that sounds good. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[B]

Do me a favor, would you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I want you to write two letters. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I want you to write one letter to seven year old you. And I want you to close your eyes and go to the end of your driveway and picture your dad, whatever car he was driving back then picture him leaving again. I want you to go through that exercise of watching your, your little seven year old self run to the end of the driveway as he's pulling out and driving off, not even waving to you. I want you to write that little boy a letter that starts with Dear Scott, you're a good kid.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

And then the second letter is not in the same day, but maybe a week or two later. I want you to write a letter to your 7 year old son. And let him Know that this generational avoidance, this generational anger ends here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And here's the things I'm going to do. I'm going to go see a counselor. I'm going to check in with your mom every day because I'm going to love her. Crazy like. And I don't even have a picture of what that looks like because my dad just left. But the greatest gift I can give my son is to love his mother to the moon and back. Watch this.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then be about it.

[C]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

Game on.

[C]

Came on.

[B]

You're a good dad, my brother.

[C]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[B]

This is how the generations are going to change, my man. Yeah, right here. It's an honor to talk to you, man. You call me back anytime. God Almighty. I love talking to dads who want to get this thing right. Men listening to this. Go to the mirror this evening when you're all by yourself and look in the mirror. Put both hands on the cap on your bathroom counter and look in the mirror directly in your own eyes and say the words, I love this guy. And starting today, we're gonna do the next right hard thing. And it might be getting down off the video game controllers. It might be asking our wives, how can I love you right now? It might be sitting down with our teenage kids and saying, hey, I'm screwed this up. I'm sorry. This changes with me. It might be any number of things, but it starts with you recognizing that dad didn't show up because there was something going on with him, not you. That mom was ugly and rude and drank too much, not because you weren't a good enough kid and not by your hand, but in your lap. Now, as an adult, I don't care what your attachment style is. I don't care what your enneagram number is. I don't care about any of that crap. What are you going to do next? To turn and face this thing so that your kids grow up knowing, come hell or high water, I'm loved. Game on, dads. I'm in this with you. We'll be right back. Me and my family have three wild dogs, and we love them. And when the dogs are not okay, really, nobody in the house is okay. Everything gets thrown off when a pet gets sick and we can't get the help that we need. And this is why I love Dutch. Dutch is the leading pet telehealth service that gives you 24. 7 access to licensed veterinarians anytime anywhere. Get this. No waiting rooms. No we can see you in three weeks. Just Real help real fast. Dutch can treat over 150 common pet conditions. And with about a 10 minute call from your home, you can be on your way to a treatment plan for your pet. And here's the best part. Dutch is super affordable. A Dutch membership covers up to five pets and. And it includes unlimited visits, unlimited follow ups, and prescriptions shipped for free with my code. All of this is less than seven bucks a month. You'll spend more than that just walking into a veterinarian's office one time. The average pet owner saves over $800 a year with Dutch. Good grief. 800 bucks a year. That's good for your animals, your wallet, and your peace of mind. Go to Dutch.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney to get 50 bucks off a year of veterinarian care. That's a Dutch D U t c h Dutch.com DeLoney and use code deloney. See site for more details. All right, we're back. Kelly 1.0 full denim. What's up?

[D]

I'm just calling this out because I know I'm gonna get relentless crap for it from you. So let's just get it over with.

[B]

I never give you crap. That probably wasn't true.

[D]

You're gonna lie this close to Christmas.

[B]

That probably wasn't true.

[D]

You can make Jesus sad for his birthday. Jesus, Duke, I know that you know that I had to get a scooter, so just let it. Just come on.

[B]

I have deep compassion for people with special needs. I do. I spent my whole career working with people, special needs. The fact that you. Because here's what I know. I know how hard it was for you to get a scooter because you're very proud denim wearing woman. And so I applaud you for getting the help that you need. And good on you.

[A]

Beep beep.

[B]

Good on you.

[D]

Okay, let me.

[B]

Okay, when you back up, does it go?

[D]

No. Thank God it doesn't.

[B]

No. That would be awesome.

[D]

So for those who don't know, I had knee surgery 10 days ago and.

[B]

She'S four Percocets in this morning. And it is all awesome.

[D]

I wish I was. It ended up being a much more intensive surgery. When they got in there, there was a lot more damage. And so it's not gone quite as smoothly as I. It was like, oh, be on crutches for a week. That's what I was told. And then go live my life. Not so much. And I'm gonna be on crutches for like four to six weeks.

[B]

And I did see you run into the wall the other day with your scooter.

[D]

You did not. You haven't even.

[B]

I have. I've seen it. You should see how much. How much I love you. I didn't say anything.

[D]

No, but it's coming. So I'm just like, let's just.

[B]

Nope. I'm proud of you for getting. I know how hard that. When the guy was like, well, I could get you a scooter. I can imagine being in there and you going, oh, God.

[D]

Well, it happened. So Sunday night, I was home, and I was. So I'm finally to the point now where it's not pain, but it aches. And I have this huge metal brace on, and it's super heavy, and I can't put any weight on it. And I was looking at my calendar for the next week. Very unlike me, started crying, and my husband was like, what's wrong? I said, it's our. We have a big building here. For those that don't know, we have a very big building, and it's my desk to here to the other. Like, after. When I leave here after this, I have to go to the. We have another building. And it's just back and forth. I was like, I can't make. I am late to everything because it takes me so long to get anywhere. And he's like, you know what you're gonna do? And I was like, oh, hell, no.

[B]

No, no.

[D]

Not doing it. Yeah. And then finally, I was like, I can't function five days a week, eight hours a day here. Like, you know, doing that. And so. But I will say our team has had a lot of fun because that sucker moves. It is.

[B]

Move Kelly, get out the way.

[D]

And so it's. She's going to get decorated for Christmas. And.

[B]

Yeah, I, like, you've already given her gender.

[D]

Oh, it's. Of course she's a she. Come on.

[B]

Oh, man. I just had three jokes in my mind that I didn't make. And I want everyone to know I'm maturing in real time. Here's no. I'm glad you're getting better. I won't make fun of you. I'm. I'm happy for you because I know this. I know that nobody wants to be in a scooter less than you.

[D]

Oh, God. Has tried to teach me some lessons with this whole knee thing.

[B]

He tried to teach you lessons with me, and that has not worked.

[D]

Oh, some. Some have been learned. Some lessons have been learned. But, like, having to actually ask people, hey, can you grab this for me? Can you do this for me.

[B]

It's the best. It's the best. You're just clicking that Demerol drip. Beep. I don't want to feel. You'll be back in action soon. And for everybody listening, this just reduces the amount of kicks I have to receive from her because she's always kicking.

[D]

Now I can hit you with my crutches.

[B]

Well, you've already done that.

[D]

And by the way, I will be on the dance floor in my scooter at the Christmas party. So just prepare.

[B]

That's a sight you can't unseen America. Love you guys. Bye.

[D]

He goes, I'll be right back. And he went and got the camera for the end of the year video to get me on it for.

[B]

That thing is flying. He's gonna crash. I'm gonna have to pay for that. Hey, Kelly, I figured it out. Check this out. You can do this.

[D]

Oh, yes. It's got a sad little horn.

[B]

That's a horn.

[D]

That's my horn.

[B]

All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at 749 bucks a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions. Com. Getaway.