I Want Another Tattoo . . . My Husband Doesn’t Agree

Summary

Podcast Title: The Dr. John Delony Show
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Episode: I Want Another Tattoo . . . My Husband Doesn’t Agree
Release Date: June 18, 2025

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Overview

In this engaging episode of The Dr. John Delony Show, Dr. John DeLoney addresses three distinct listener concerns, offering insightful advice on navigating relationship dynamics, supporting family members through significant life changes, and managing parental anxiety. The episode delves deep into personal autonomy within marriages, compassion in the face of gender identity transitions, and the challenges of hyper-vigilance in parenting.

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Caller 1: Aniston and Wesley – Navigating Tattoo Preferences in Marriage

[00:05] Aniston:
Aniston reaches out from Fort Worth with a relatable dilemma: she desires to get more tattoos, specifically meaningful ones like her husband's name and her two sons' names in Morse code. However, her husband, Wesley, is opposed to the idea, particularly the placement of these tattoos on her arms.

[03:00] Aniston:
"We're almost like, what, 15 years this year. And so how do my husband and I find common ground when I want more tattoos? And he does not like them at all."
Aniston emphasizes that aside from the tattoo disagreement, their relationship is strong, highlighting Wesley's support in other aspects of their lives.

[05:54] Aniston:
She reflects on her motivation, admitting, "I have low self-esteem. So maybe it gives me like a little jump in my self-esteem." Aniston uses tattoos as a form of self-expression and a boost to her confidence.

[07:48] Wesley:
Wesley elaborates on his concerns, stating, "I've always been dialed into perception and the way people perceive you." His apprehension stems from worries about societal judgments and how Aniston's tattoos might alter others' perceptions of her.

[13:00] Aniston:
She seeks a middle ground, questioning, "What's a comma. Is it a fine common ground to him say, okay, well, you can get three more?" Aniston is proactive in finding compromises that respect both her desire for self-expression and Wesley's comfort levels.

Dr. DeLoney's Insight:
Dr. John DeLoney emphasizes the importance of open communication and understanding each partner's underlying motivations. He advises focusing on the positive impact tattoos have on Aniston's self-esteem and beauty perception, suggesting that mutual respect and empathy can bridge their differences.

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Caller 2: Robert – Supporting a Transgender Brother-in-Law

[24:52] Robert:
Robert calls from Little Rock, Arkansas, seeking guidance on how to support his wife’s brother, who has recently come out as transgender. He expresses confusion over his brother-in-law not having adopted a new name and grappling with his own perceptions shaped by a traditional West Texas upbringing.

[25:37] Dr. DeLoney:
He reassures Robert, "This is a confusing thing and no one here on this phone call is going to beat you up for trying to figure out." Dr. DeLoney acknowledges the complexity of the situation, emphasizing compassion and open-hearted conversations.

[27:32] Robert:
He expresses concerns about the impact on his children, fearing they might be confused or exposed to complexities they aren’t ready to understand.

Dr. DeLoney's Guidance:
Dr. DeLoney encourages Robert to engage in direct, compassionate dialogue with his brother-in-law. He suggests, "Having a conversation and just exhaling and saying, dude, it's okay." The focus is on building understanding without imposing preconceived notions, fostering an environment where genuine relationships can thrive despite societal pressures.

[37:04] Robert:
Robert acknowledges the validity of Dr. DeLoney's points, expressing a desire to take proactive steps in supporting his family while managing his apprehensions.

Conclusion:
Dr. DeLoney underscores the importance of empathy and maintaining familial bonds. By fostering open communication and setting personal boundaries, Robert can support his family member’s identity while addressing his own concerns responsibly.

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Caller 3: Kylie – Managing Hyper-Vigilant Parenting and Anxiety

[39:37] Kylie:
Kylie reaches out from Fresno, California, grappling with severe anxiety about her children’s safety. She describes a persistent fear of her kids being kidnapped or getting injured, which hampers her ability to enjoy everyday activities like hikes or trips to the park.

[43:00] Kylie:
"My number one fear that keeps coming up over and over again. What if someone grabs one of my kids when I have two other ones that I need to keep track of?"*
Kylie’s anxiety is rooted in a combination of past experiences with brittle bone disease and ongoing health concerns, exacerbating her hyper-vigilance.

Dr. DeLoney's Approach:
Dr. DeLoney employs a technique called "Building a Non-Anxious Life," encouraging Kylie to take incremental steps towards managing her anxiety. He advises, "Back out a little bit... take the right precautions, and then you can look up and be awe inspired, full of wonder, too." The strategy involves recognizing legitimate safety concerns while also addressing the excessive nature of her fears.

[50:33] Kylie:
“Hitting it right on the head.”
Kylie acknowledges the accuracy of Dr. DeLoney’s assessment, indicating a breakthrough in understanding her anxiety triggers.

[51:09] Kelly:
Kylie, referred to as Kelly in this segment, shares her progress and gratitude, highlighting how Dr. DeLoney’s advice has been instrumental in her journey toward managing anxiety and fostering healthier interactions with her children.

Dr. DeLoney's Final Advice:
He provides Kylie with resources, including his book Building a Non Anxious Life, and encourages her to utilize support systems like counseling and peer groups. Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the importance of facing fears with a structured approach, ensuring Kylie doesn't navigate her anxiety alone.

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Key Insights and Conclusions

1. Communication is Crucial:
   Whether addressing personal differences in a marriage, supporting a family member's gender identity, or discussing parenting anxieties, open and honest communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflicts and fostering understanding.

2. Empathy and Compassion:
   Dr. DeLoney consistently highlights the importance of approaching sensitive topics with empathy. Understanding each person's perspective and emotional drivers can pave the way for mutually respectful solutions.

3. Balancing Autonomy and Partnership:
   In marital relationships, individual autonomy must be balanced with partnership. Finding compromises that honor both partners' needs and desires is essential for a harmonious relationship.

4. Supporting Family Through Change:
   When family members undergo significant life changes, such as coming out as transgender, supportive and compassionate approaches are vital. Building personal connections beyond social media portrayals helps in understanding and acceptance.

5. Managing Anxiety in Parenting:
   Parental anxiety can profoundly impact both parents and children. Structured approaches, such as those suggested in Building a Non Anxious Life, along with professional support, can help manage and alleviate hyper-vigilant behaviors.

6. Personal Growth and Self-Understanding:
   Dr. DeLoney encourages listeners to engage in self-reflection and seek resources that promote personal growth. Understanding one's own motivations and fears is key to overcoming challenges.

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Notable Quotes

• Aniston:
  "I have low self-esteem. So maybe it gives me like a little jump in my self-esteem."
  [05:54]

• Wesley:
  "I've always been dialed into perception and the way people perceive you."
  [07:48]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  "Open communication and understanding each partner's underlying motivations can bridge their differences."
  [Throughout the tattoo discussion]

• Robert:
  "This is definitely new waters for me."
  [27:34]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  "Having a conversation and just exhaling and saying, dude, it's okay."
  [30:29]

• Kylie:
  "Them getting kidnapped... How am I gonna chase somebody if they grab one of my kids when I have two other ones that I need to keep track of?"
  [43:03]

• Dr. DeLoney:
  "Building a Non-Anxious Life involves recognizing legitimate safety concerns while addressing excessive fears."
  [Throughout Kylie’s call]

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Final Thoughts

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show masterfully navigates complex personal and interpersonal issues, offering listeners practical advice grounded in empathy and understanding. Dr. DeLoney's compassionate approach underscores the importance of addressing underlying emotions and fostering open dialogue to resolve conflicts and alleviate anxieties.

Transcript

[Aniston]

How do my husband and I find common ground when I want more tattoos and he does not like them at all.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Ooh.

[Aniston]

And he does not have any and he does not like them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Dude, that's a great question. All right, so, Wesley, why do you hate your wife? What in the world's going on? What's up? What's up? This is John with Dr. John DeLoney Show. Taking your calls live from all over planet Earth in a time of chaos and B A N A N a S is bananas. Taking your calls, man. Trying to figure out what's. What's the next right move with my mental and emotional health, my marriage, my kids, whatever's going on in the world. Here's my promise. I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. All right, let's go out to Fort Worth 817 and talk to Aniston. What's up, Aniston?

[Aniston]

Good morning, Dr. John. Thanks for taking us all.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Of course. And I know I'm not supposed to do this, but we screwed up the phones and so now we're doing this again. We're running it back for every you. For all of you guys listening. We had some great jokes, but I'm not going to remake them. All right, so I'm going to bring your husband on. Aniston, let's talk to Wesley. What's up, Wesley, you here?

[Wesley]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Now we got you both. Look at us. Look. Figuring out how to play do the Internet. So we should have put this in chat GPT or something. All right. So y' all doing well before we get going, do y' all like each other? We love each other.

[Aniston]

We love each other.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Gross. Wesley, good answer.

[Aniston]

All right, Be a fun one. Well, first of all, I just wanted to say your podcast has led some very funny conversations with our 12 year old son. My phone, well, my phone will automatically connect, obviously on my car. And I believe this was a couple of years ago. He got in and the title was, I'm having a hard time loving my children. And so he just looked over at me and, like, rolled his eyes. He's like, really, Mom? And then the most recent one was, my sexual past is haunting me. And he just looked at me and said, you listen to way worse stuff than the rap music that you won't let me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, that's when you should have said, hey, you didn't know your mom in college, buddy.

[Aniston]

Yeah, extremely true. Yeah. So that was him, dude.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Wesley with digs. That's awesome. No, my son's now old enough now where his buddies will send him episode titles and be like, what's your dad do for a living, man?

[Aniston]

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he goes, I don't know what you listen to, but this is way worse than the rap music that you don't let me listen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Whatever. We're saving America. 12 year olds.

[Aniston]

He just. Little does he know. So I love it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's awesome. All right, so what's up?

[Aniston]

Okay, so we. It's. It's a. It's a funny, silly little question. So.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So that means it's not funny or silly at all.

[Aniston]

It is actually. It's a little battle we've been having. We're almost like, what, 15 years this year. And so how do my husband and I find common ground when I want more tattoos? Just like. Kelly, shout out. And he does not like them at all. Oh, and he does not have any, and he does not like them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Dude, that's a great question. All right, Wesley, Why don't you love your. Why? I'm totally kidding. All right. Okay.

[Aniston]

Let me just preface this. He's very. He is very supportive in every other way. I mean, laundry does. Anyway, and so this is the one thing that I don't know how to find common ground on this.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, tell me what Aniston. Tell me. I keep wanting to call you Jennifer. That's so funny. Is to tell me what. What did. What did tattoos mean to you?

[Aniston]

The most recent one. I wanted to get my husband's name and my two boys names in, like, Morse code. So it's not the handwriting. I just wanted it kind of in a different. And I think we kind of had a miscommunication on the placement. He does not want them on my arms.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It was in Morse code. Of course there a miscommunication. All right.

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So he wants them. You want them on your arms, like sleeves and stuff.

[Aniston]

Oh, I would do a sleeve in a heartbeat, but I know that that's not. I know that that would be him giving in way too much. So I'm just trying to. I guess I'm wanting family ones. Right. My kids. Stuff. Stuff. That means stuff. I'm. I'm past the stage of just going and getting them at 2 in the morning. Right. So these are, like, very, like, well thought out.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. But. But go deeper than that. Like, you can. You can put pictures of your kids and your hands and pants husband on the wall. Like, and you can stitch their names into pillows. Why do you want to tattoo them on your body? Because, like, there's the family one. Like, what I have found personally is when I started getting family members tattooed and I've got my kids tattooed on me. I've got all the, the names of the kids that we lost in miscarriage. I got all that tattooed on me. But it was also kind of like a way I could just go get tattoos and be like, no, no, you don't understand. Like, it's for a family. Like, you know what I mean? It gave me permission to kind of go do the thing that I really wanted to do anyway.

[Aniston]

That's true. I just like him.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But what, what about him? What is it? What do you, what do you think it announces to yourself and to the world?

[Aniston]

They make me feel good, I guess, but they give me like, it make.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You feel cool, make you feel like hip.

[Aniston]

Maybe it gives me because, like, I kind of have low self esteem. So maybe it gives me like a little, A little jump in my self esteem or because I look at. I'll see girls just with touching, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so pretty. Or I've just always liked. I don't know. That's a way deeper question than what I thought.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right?

[Aniston]

It. I think it is. It's a, it is a self esteem thing. I feel good when I get them. I like to look at them. I like the reminders of them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you like going into the. It's a little bit taboo to go into a tattoo shop. And like, the whole experience is cool. Like where I go, like, I like all the people in there. They're all. I mean, it's just, it's a, it's just an experience.

[Aniston]

Well, I think it's fun. It's a fun. Yeah, it is. That whole experience is fun to me and my husband, he doesn't have any. And he, like, I've always joked with him, I'm like, man, I would love if he'd be sleeved at. But I understand that he does not like them like that. And so we're, we've kind of got. He likes to call me a free spirit more and he's, he thinks things through a little bit more than I do. That's why we get along so good. So, all right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So, Wesley, why do you hate your wife? I'm just kidding. Like, what is it about tattoos that like, you're like, I don't think they're beautiful. You don't need that. Like, tell me, tell me what they signal to you or what they mean to you.

[Wesley]

Gosh.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because let's put this out there. This is not about you trying to control your wife. I don't hear that at all.

[Wesley]

Oh, no.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it's deeper than that.

[Wesley]

It is. I just. Our latest is more of a, you know, I just. The placement that she wanted on her, on her arm was just really. That was more of. I'm all on board with like 100, with what she is, the reasons behind that. She, you know, family or whatever. And you kind of dug in a little deeper on that. But I get all that and I commend her for the thought process of what she's getting, why she wants to get it the way she thought it out. I just had. I just do not envision maybe I can learn to get over it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right.

[Wesley]

But I don't. I just have a hard time with the placement of it on her arms. I just don't see that being a positive thing for her, maybe us moving forward.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so dig into that. Because this isn't about her arm and even the placement. It's about. It's about. Are you worried that people are going to perceive her in a certain way and, you know her to be different? Are you worried about what's going to look like at dinner? Like what? Like be honest about what you're worried about.

[Wesley]

Yep. So. And you kind of said the word. I've. I've always. And it's probably a. It's probably a fault of mine, honestly, is. Is. I do. I am somebody that through my life has really been dialed into perception and the way people perceive you. And, and you know, the. And it doesn't even mean that's who you are. Right. It's like somebody may be perceiving you one way and that's just what they think, but that's really not who you are. It's not what your heart is. It's not who you are as a person. And that's 100% true about her. If she were to get sleeved up on her arms, I'm sure there would be some perception out there of her from various people or from just people we don't even know that wouldn't be tr.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

True.

[Wesley]

Right. But I've always, for whatever reason a fault of mine has always been, or one of my things that I've always leaned on is, hey, perception is, you know, is reality. And, and I mean, I just grew up and I don't know if this helps you any, but I grew up really just super west Texas on a farm, ranch, you know, and. And just, just everything was just very cut and dry, black and white. You know, we didn't. We just didn't have any of that. Didn't do. Nobody in my family did any of that. And so it's like, you know, you were. You were just taught a certain way. And so, yes, I love her to death, and. And, yes, I support her and everything she does, and. And we have a great relationship. It's just on this subject, for sure, the placement bothered me. Bothers me maybe more than what the fact that she may won't get another tattoo.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right, sure, of course. Of course. But it sounds like it's less about her and more about. You have a particular story about people who get tattoos all up and down their arms, especially women. And then when she got home, you went, oh, God, that story is now her. Or I don't want anyone with the story I've got. I've made up about people with tattoos.

[Wesley]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't. Anyone saying that about my wife because I'm have to kill them and bury him out in West Texas, and they'll never find it very possible.

[Wesley]

I would never do that. But, yes, you're. You're probably spot on with what you just said.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, and here's the thing, Anderson. And this is like, I'm covered up in tattoo, like. And I've got more underneath my shirts. Here's the thing. This has driven me crazy since I was this total poser, wannabe metalhead. And, like, in high school, I would try to dress all cool, and I'd wear Pantera shirts around, and I'd wear black socks pulled up to my knee. Just a total clown. But if somebody called me on it, like, dude, what are you doing? We're going to, like Walgreens. I would then be like, oh, bro, you're just going to judge me. And here's the thing. I clearly wanted people to look at me, clearly wanted attention, and I also wanted an opportunity to be indignant. How dare you call me out for what I'm wearing? Right? And it's like, why are you wearing that? Right? So it's. It's. It's a weird thing of both.

[Aniston]

And I don't like. I think it's a. It's really too. I think it's a difference in our personalities, I guess. And like I said earlier, I think that's why we get along so good. Is I. To a certain point, right? I am respectful to people and all of that stuff we teach our kids respect, blah, blah, blah. But I don't change who I am for other people. I don't care what other people think. I've always. I kind of dress weird in high school, too, and feathers and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But Aniston, that's why. That's why a West Texas boy who still wears the same Justin boots and the same pants and he's had the same haircut since he was third three years old. That's why he fell in love with you, because you were his wild girl that was going that. You know what I mean? And that's why. That's why you married him. Because, you know, oh, this guy's going to pay the light bill every month.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right.

[Aniston]

Well. And. And I don't know. I always joke with him because he's about seven years older. Always tell me he's a different generation.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He's not.

[Aniston]

I know. And so I'm like. And I think it is. It's a. It's just. It. I just don't know. Because where. Where do we. Because I was trying to explain to him the last one that I wanted. I wanted it on my arm. That's not one that I wanted to put on my back. That I can't see.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Aniston]

And so I'm trying to explain that to him. And so where is. You know, is it. Is it a comma. Is it a fine common ground to him say, okay, well, you can get three more?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, I don't think. I don't think that's where it's at. Because that's. That, in my opinion, is a recipe for resentment.

[Aniston]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because at some point, it becomes I've lost autonomy of my body.

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And in a way, that's going to get me in trouble on the Internet for saying this. Part of me getting married was me saying, this is ours. So it's a weird. It's a tension that exists. This is my body. This is my autonomy. And I entered into a covenant with you that said, till death do us part. Right. So it's both.

[Aniston]

I did have some when I met him, though.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Of course. Yes. And here's the thing. I want my wife to think I'm attractive. I do. And she wants to be beautiful for me. It's both and. Right.

[Aniston]

Yeah. I feel like it's a. It's just a tug of war. They make me feel pretty or I like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, stop right there. Stop right there. That's it. Stop. That's all. That's what I want to hear. They make me feel beautiful, period.

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Exhale. They make me feel sexy. When I'm out with you, Wesley, and you still have that blue and yellow plaid shirt tucked In.

[Aniston]

He's not that. He's not that country.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He's West Texas. I know, but it makes me feel like I'm a little bit wild. We're at the Aaron Watson concert, and the girls with the tattoos on their arms, they dance a little bit, look like they're having a little bit more fun there, Buddy and I. But the line is, I feel beautiful. And I think every guy married should want his wife to feel as beautiful as possible. And, Wesley, I want you so. So, Aniston, I want you to address the. The elephant in the room for me is what. What. What does this outward expression by inking up my body? What am I trying to communicate to the world, and what am I hoping the world communicates back to me? Because I may be out to lunch here. But, Aniston, you feel beautiful, and you want the world to think something of you. And my guess is Wesley has been trying, in his West Texas way for all the years y' all been together to tell you those things. And it can often signal that you don't believe him.

[Aniston]

Oh.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That he's been trying to tell you, I think you're beautiful. I think you're perfect just as you are. I love that you're a little bit wild. And also, do you have to go that far?

[Aniston]

No, that's true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And here's the other side of it, Wesley. You've made up some incorrect stories about people who have tattoos, especially women.

[Robert]

Fair.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so it's a. It's a challenge every time, Right. And so there's not a. I. I was embarrassed to tell my wife, and I grew again. I grew up listening to punk rock music and Metalhead. And then when I started getting all tattooed up and I loved it, and then I started. I started traveling around in every city I went to. Instead of going to bars where I can get myself in trouble, I just started getting tattoos. And so I kind of got over my skis on it, and then I made a mess, and I had to get more tattoos to make it not so great. Right. Anyway, like, I remember telling my wife, this is how I've always envisioned myself. And she laughed, and she was like, I totally see that. Because you've always thought you were this punk rock guy, but you were a nerd. You were a graduate school professor, right?

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. But it was this, okay, now that I'm old, I'm gonna do it. And so it's not a. I guess what I'm put out there, there's going to be people who, by the way, please, God, don't read the comments on this. Just don't do that to yourself.

[Aniston]

I'm not, I'm not.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There's going to be people that say, how dare you? You can do whatever you want. You go, girl, this is your life. And whatever. And there's some truth to that. And Wesley, people are going to tell you, you small minded west Texas hillbilly, you don't understand. They're going to tell you that. And then there's going to be the other side that's like only these kind of loose women of the night get tattooed. They're going to put that in the, in the comments and they're going to say, wesley, you go find a nice Southern Baptist. You shouldn't have married a Methodist. Right? They're gonna do all that. Here's. Here's the deal. None of that crap matters. No, what I love to hear you, Aniston, is be honest at the table. This isn't about like, no, no. I just want to honor you guys with my kids and my husband. I want tattoos and this is like, kind of awesome and it's cool and I want to see it like all that. I feel beautiful and I like feeling a little bit edgy. And I'm 42 and I feel like I'm losing my little bit of edginess. And this allows me to stay in the game for another decade, have those conversations and then, Wesley, be honest about. I can't believe this, but I just always assumed that people got those were fill in the blank. And that's not true. And it's awkward. It's weird for me.

[Robert]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And don't be afraid to say, I think you're beautiful with like, if she has blonde hair and she comes home, dyed it black, you can be like, you look beautiful, but I think you're more beautiful the way God made you a blonde hair. And those, both of those are. Okay. So ultimately y' all make this call together and I, I don't. I don't have a good.

[Aniston]

I need an answer, though. It's gonna be a little hard one, but it is. It's.

[Wesley]

I don't think this is what it's been.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good.

[Aniston]

So, yeah, I'll tell you how we.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Navigate at my house. I would love for my wife to be completely sleeved up. I think that would be. That's. That's in my head. And I don't think she cares either one way. Like, I. She's just like, oh, wow, you did that again. How much was that? Like, I think she's more Concerned about, man, if we put that in a. In a Roth Ira, what that would have been for our grandkids.

[Aniston]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But here's what she did. She is so thoughtful that she went and hired an artist and sat down and said she's been all, like, reading, and she reads a lot. She's a writer. I have this picture in my head of this and this, and she commissioned an artist who drew an amazing thing, and she got it in a very. Her. Her tattoos down her arms, like, in very prominent place. And so, yeah, she. She still can't wrap her head that. I walk into a tattoo shop and I'm like, I don't know, man. Let it rip. What do you think? She's like, that's insane, right? Yeah. And she knows my husband thinks this will be beautiful. Yeah, it's both. And. And she's not sleeved up. And she's very thoughtful about the one. The. The ones that she gets. But she is willing to say, okay, let's see what I can do here. What's a. What's a middle ground I can find? I'm not going to go sleeved up all the way. It's just not me. And if we see somebody out who's all sleeved up, she'll be like. She'll nudge me and be like, there she is. Check that out. And so she's not trying to hide anything. And I'm not weird and gross and like, oh, my gosh, look how hot she. I'm not an idiot. But also, she's like, okay, I'm gonna do this, but I'm gonna do it all the way, the way I would do it, thoughtfully. Take some time. I'm gonna hire an artist. I'm gonna get exactly as I want. I'm gonna go in with a tattoo artist that we trust. I. I have here with Kate here in Nashville. Like, we're gonna do a great artist who's amazing, and. And that's just the way we found common ground there. And now I've committed, like, dude, I'm taking a break. I'm gonna take some time off. Kelly's still cranking them out. God almighty. She's got 20 tattoos. The amount of. Of COVID up you have to go through every day. Kelly is astounding to me. The whole. The whole studio back there is just a big of powder because she's so covered up. But we could see it. You're wearing that deep, deep V today. We can see that old English right above your navel. If you're Just listening. Kelly is she went deep with the V today. You can see she didn't anyway. But Aniston Wesley, all I can say is here's my final verdict. Not giving one. But when we come back, we're going to talk to a man whose brother in law just came out as transgender and he's trying to figure out what's the right way to set boundaries. All right, it's time for a quick word about my friends at Delete Me. Does anyone else feel like our digital footprints are starting to feel more like digital trails leading bad guys and scammers right back to us? And now scammers are using phishing attacks with a ph where they try to trick you into giving them something by pretending to know you. By pretending they're your friend. You get an email, a text or a phone call, and the person or AI bot on the other end sounds like someone who's looking out for you. With the new technological advancements, no one is really safe. So what are we supposed to do? Start controlling what you can control. Learn about how to be careful online and offline and sign up with Delete Me. I use and recommend Deleteme because they work in the background to reduce my online presence. That way I don't have to worry about creepy data brokers having my data. Deleteme has reviewed over tens of thousands of sites for me and they've removed my data from hundreds of them, which has saved me countless hours and a ton of stress. Stop phishing attacks, stop the harassment, and stop the online threats before they start. And take control of your digital privacy. With Delete me, go to joindeleteme.com DeLoney today for 20% off the annual plan that comes out to less than 9 bucks a month, that's JoinDeleteMe.com Deloney this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. While the world seems like it's falling apart, we're all under huge pressure to perform and look like we're all keeping it together. And we all know that support is good, but we're not allowed to ask for it. Women are often told that they have to be everything to everyone all of the time and somehow they have to just intuitively know how to do it all. And men are often told they are the reason for every bad thing in the world and that asking for help means they are weak or less than. Here's a statistic that will blow your mind. 76% of people globally agree that mental health care can help resolve personal problems. Yet 6 out of 10 people still believe that society discourages people from asking for help. Good folks. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing something about it so that you can be your best self for you and for everyone else in your life. If you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to somebody. Anyone, A friend, a loved one, or yes, a therapist. I talk with a therapist weekly and you might consider doing it too. If you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule to get started. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time, easily, for no extra cost. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. Month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com DeLoney we are back. Please take 10 seconds and subscribe to the show. If you're listening to us on a podcast, hit the hit the like button or the download button. And if you're watching this on YouTube, take a second and hit the subscribe button. It makes such a different a difference across so many different platforms and places. So just take a second, hit the subscribe button. It means the world. All right, Little Rock, Arkansas, let's talk to Roberto. What's up, Robert?

[Robert]

Hey, Dr. John. How are you this morning?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm good, brother. What's up with you?

[Robert]

Oh, not a whole lot. Just I've been watching your show for a couple years now and had something come up that I kind of needed some guidance on. I was really happy to hear that y' all would be willing to listen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Bring it, man. What's up?

[Robert]

All right, so my brother in law recently came out as trans.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Robert]

And my wife wants to support him, but I feel that the way that she wants to support them could cause my kids to be subjected to things that they can't really comprehend. And tell me, tell me about that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How does she want to support him?

[Robert]

Well, so roughly a year ago, he.

[Kelly]

He.

[Robert]

Made posts on Instagram showing that he enjoyed wearing women's clothes. And then roughly a month ago or so, he made a post on Facebook showing that that coming out as trans. And so did he, did he kind of wondering if he wanted to start?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, did he now give a new name? Does she have a new name now that she wants to go by?

[Robert]

No, that's the thing. I'm saying it's a little confusing to me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Robert]

Because I, well, I say he, but she hasn't given a new name or anything.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Robert]

And. And I still call him. Well, I'm not going to say the name out loud, but I still call him the same name.

[Wesley]

Sure.

[Robert]

And. And they respond to it and we talk and we have a good relationship, you know, as, you know, brother in law to brother in law.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Robert]

Or sister in law.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Does this person. Yeah. And the whole here's the deal right now, when you're talking to me, just know it's a confusing thing and no, nobody here on this phone call is going to beat you up for trying to figure out somebody you knew for a long time. One of my biggest challenges is when somebody makes a, a big change like this, that there's not grace for people trying to, to say the right thing and do the right thing and get the name right and get the gender expression right. Like that's hard. It's a mess. It's tough. And so everybody needs to be compassionate on every side. So, dude, I know you're doing your best to try to honor, honor your brother in law. Sister in law. And the name is the same, but also the Instagram post, like I get it's all just messy. So just know I'm not going to beat you up for either way. Okay. I can hear in your voice you're trying to do this right and you got some concerns too. Okay. So same team here, right?

[Robert]

Yeah. This is definitely new waters for me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure. It's new waters for everybody. New waters for everybody. Do y' all live in the same community?

[Robert]

No, we live less than an hour apart.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. How often do you see each other?

[Robert]

We don't see. Yeah, we don't see each other. Just a lot. Maybe like four times a year.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Robert]

Something like that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So before we get to the kids part and all that, that here's what I think would be a huge thing for your soul. Because I don't have a name and I don't have, I don't have good context. I'm trying to honor everybody here. You were, you, you called in about your brother in law. So I'm not trying to name shame anybody. I'm just going to call him your brother in law. Okay. Because I don't have any other context here. I would, I would call your brother in law. Or if, if she prefers to be called your sister in law, I've called this person and let's set up a lunch together. Like you drive half I'll drive half. And here's what we're doing. We're just listening to the story because all you have right now is some phone calls and Instagram posts. And what I want to do is put my eyes on you, see how you're doing, and let's get to the human being behind the. The social media posts and behind all of the political rhetoric that's gone on the last eight years and still going on now. Does that make sense?

[Robert]

Yeah, it makes total sense, because here's what's happening. I don't want to assume anything here, and I don't want to jump into anything on either side.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You don't want to just be like, all right, whatever, because you're worried about your kids. And. And I'll address that in a second. And you don't want to be not compassionate. And even. Just a list of questions like, hey, how do I best love you? What do you want me to call you? Like. Like, please have some grace with me when I mess this up. Like, it's putting all that out on the table, right? Because of the. Of the political landscape on both sides over the last decade or so. The moment somebody says a thing, they're instantly thrown into a group, right? And take transgender out, that's just such a third rail topic right? Now. The moment you buy a Tesla. Well, it used to mean you were a super liberal. Now it means you're a suit, right? Like, we just are so intent on categorizing everybody instantly, as fast as we possibly can, to decide every single variable in their Life. And my 20 plus years of sitting behind closed doors with countless people, it's way more complex than that, right? And so, like, man, getting in a. At a table at a diner in half, you know, in Arkansas somewhere, and saying, dude, tell me what's going on. Tell me about your life and tell me about your journey. I'm just here to listen. Is a great place to start.

[Robert]

That sounds like a good idea, I think. I think it's probably my. My best next action, I guess.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I tell you what you're gonna find out here? If. If this person sits down with you and you're like, man, this caught me off guard, and they drop their shoulders and say, yeah, this is a big one. Then, you know, you're talking to somebody who is graceful and compassionate and who has been hurting inside and extends you the same grace they wish people had extended them. If this person attacks you at the table, then, you know, then that's the thing. I'm more worried About. You get what I'm saying?

[Robert]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I think you just find a lot about. Out with, with a. Sitting across the table from somebody. You don't have to do that. That's just what I would do in my, I'm thinking of my brother in law right now. That's, that's what I would do. Okay, so, so keep going. What does support look like? Your sister says, I want to support him. Tell me. I mean, your wife says, I want to support him. Like tell me what your fears are about that.

[Robert]

Well, just complete honesty.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Just let it rip. Let it rip.

[Robert]

Particularly, I don't particularly believe in the, the gender ideology movement.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Robert]

And it's not because religious reasons or anything. It's just personal reasons.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Robert]

Kind of common sense.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Robert]

But, but I, but I'm more libertarian in the sense that I do believe that, that they have the right to, you know, live however they want to live as long as they're not bothering someone else or, you know, causing someone else, you know, major issues.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Robert]

And, and the ground rules I would want to lay out and I spoke with my wife about this, it would be, you know, keep the, the cross dressing to a very minimum when they come over to the house and she wasn't too happy with that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And what would, what would it. Holding A, what would that mean? And, and B, what would that, what would that accomplish for you?

[Robert]

Well, there's a lot of things that I've had to either explain to the kids so far. And, and they're young kids, I'll say, you know, under 6 years old. And there's a lot of things that I've had to explain to them and there's also a lot of things that I've had to tell them. That's not something that you should worry about right now. Give me an example in the future. Well, we were, we were driving in the truck and I was listening to some music and oh, there was a song my daughter asked me. I can't even remember the name of the song at the moment. Oh, the Midnight Toker. And my daughter asked me, what is a Midnight Toker? And I'm like, maybe I shouldn't listen to this song in the car with my.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's legal in Little Rock. You're good. You're good. Old Steve Miller.

[Robert]

Yeah, yeah, great song. But maybe it's something that they should listen to when they get a little bit older. But I just had to tell her, you know, that's something that you and I can talk about when you get older and just Put in the back of your mind, don't worry about it. It's nothing important.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So just so you know, what you did was you planted a seed and you fertilized the crap out of it.

[Robert]

It.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's a midnight toker? What's a midnight toker? And what she also learned is that these kind of questions aren't okay with dad. And that means the first kid at school that says something about toing, she's like, you know what a midnight toer is? And that's how one thing leads to another thing, which leads to come over at midnight tomorrow versus have you ever heard of marijuana? What? You ever heard of marijuana? No. It's a plant. People can smoke like a cigarette and it makes their brain all silly. Really? Yeah, they used to do it back and I'm just gonna explain it. And in our house, we don't do that. Yeah. Do you get. You get the difference?

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so there's a hundred percent chance that your kids will at some point be somewhere and see somebody with very masculine features that was a man at one point in their life, now dressed like their mom. And there will be some confusion. Every house is different. I'm just gonna tell you my house. I want my kids to ask any and all of those questions while they're still with me. And so when somebody sits down at our house who's transgender, which has happened, and they say, is that a guy wearing a dress? I can say, let's have that conversation. That happens sometimes. And here's the, here's the narrative. It's not me saying I approve of it. It's not me saying that, yeah, you can just make up whatever gender you want on whatever day. It's not any of those things. It is saying you're going to run into these things in the world. And I want to communicate to you I will always be a better source than Google and hear me say I'm not going to be responsible for the values you make in your house. If you're uncomfortable with anybody sitting at your table, you have a right to say, I don't want this person at my table. Any. And all of these choices we make just come with consequences. Right. And in this case, it's you versus your wife or your brother in law. I think a lot of this smoke is cleared by sitting down and having a conversation and just exhaling and saying, dude, it's. I've. I'm gonna have to. It's gonna be weird if you show up at my house in a full dress, in full Makeup. Because I know you as my brother in law. We fixed the car together. We've done these things together. And this person may say all that stuff will still be true. I'll still be with a car I'm still good at. You get what I'm saying?

[Robert]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I don't want you to get off this phone call with trying to import my set of values. Okay. I want you to know.

[Robert]

But you make a lot of good points. Like maybe I've. Maybe I've got this preconceived notion already, and instead of just, you know, hitting this head on, I'd rather just, you know, push it to the side and just try not. Not deal with it or, you know, not bother with it. But I need to just. I need to go eat. Eat lunch?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Robert]

You know, bro, if you have a conversation.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If. If all of us, myself included, would navigate the world like you did with what you just said, I think we'd have a radically different world. A radically different world. That may be the most courageous, brave and heroic thing I've heard in a long time. Maybe I just need to go have lunch with them, whoever they happen to be. Republicans, Democrats, people on the other end of the aisle, somebody who's identifying as transgender now, after being my brother in law for all these years, somebody who, who's, as a previous caller, somebody's covered up in tattoos, somebody who's not somebody from California versus somebody from Texas. Maybe I should just go have lunch with them. That's how we change this whole thing, guys. That's how we get hope back. Thanks for the call, brother Robert. You are the man, man. Peter Pan. Stan, it's been an honor to talk to you. Next up, we talked to a mom who's wondering if she is too protective of her kids. I've been on board with the benefits of red light therapy for a long time, and that's why I'm excited to tell you about Bon Charge. Our lives are lived almost entirely inside under the harrowing glow of fluorescent lights, little screens, medium sized screens, and big screens. All of this stuff affects our mood, our sleep, our anxiety. And studies are showing it. And this is why I love Bon Charge. Bon Charge is a world leader in red light therapy and in EMF blocking gear. I use their red light therapies every single day. Red light therapy can help boost your mood, help with healing, help reduce stress, and even help with sleep. I use my red light therapy panels, the infrared sauna blanket, the EMF mat, all of it. And listen up. If your skin Looks tired. Check out Bond Charge's red light mask for skin recovery, collagen production and improved blood flow. I got the mask and I'm starting to look so handsome. Listen, just wear it 10 minutes a few times a week for fresher skin. No creams, no appointments. It's lightweight, it's cordless. Check it out. Go to boncharge.com DeLoney and use coupon code DeLoney to save 15. That's B, O, N, C H A r g e boncharge.com DeLoney and use coupon code DeLoney to save 15%. All right, Fresno, California. Let's talk to Kylie. What's up, Kylie? Hi. Hi.

[Kelly]

How are you doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm doing fantastic. What's up with you?

[Kelly]

Doing good. Just sitting in my garage freezing my butt off.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Freezing in Fresno?

[Kelly]

It sure is. How cold is freezing as Fresno is? I have no idea. Like, probably 60.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's like a deep summer sweat if you're from Montana. All right, so what's up?

[Kelly]

So basically my question is like, am I too hyper vigilant with my kids whenever I go out of the house? Basically I just have like a slew of worst case scenarios running through my mind at all times. And am I right to do that? Is that just like the day and age that we're living in, or do I need to do some things to make myself just stop and I guess live more in the moment than trying to go through all these different scenarios?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You've been running scenarios your whole life. When did that start?

[Kelly]

I don't know, really. Probably. Yeah, probably my whole life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like you said, what did you need to do? What were you. What did you need to stay safe from as a kid?

[Kelly]

Remember a whole lot of my childhood.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yep.

[Kelly]

I mean, but it wasn't like, terrible.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's what people say when things weren't super great.

[Kelly]

Now I listen to the show a lot and I just heard myself saying that I've heard 50 other people say before.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It just comes out like, I need to defend everybody. What did you need to stay safe from as a kid?

[Kelly]

Honestly, nothing bad. I just, I spent a lot of time with like, elderly relatives as a young kid. And probably just like a defense mechanism of my parents not really being like 100% there all the time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But where were they?

[Kelly]

Working.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So you spent a lot of time with aunts and uncles and grandparents?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Were those good times?

[Kelly]

Yes, as far as I can remember, everything was good.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Where were your parents working?

[Kelly]

My mom works in, like, real estate, my dad's a teacher. But Like a CTE teacher. So he did like a lot of extracurricular stuff outside of like regular school hours. So he worked pretty long days also.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Gotcha. How was college?

[Kelly]

Didn't go to college. Well, I did like a couple of years of community college. Pretty off and on, but just started having babies at 22 and just been a stay at home mom ever since.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How's your marriage?

[Kelly]

It's great. I love my husband.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So what do you. What do you want to protect your kids from? What are you scared of?

[Kelly]

Just like if I have to go to the park.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hold on one second. Hold on one second. I want you to really say it.

[Kelly]

What am I trying? The world, I guess.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, but there's some.

[Kelly]

I have a very reoccurring. There you go.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What are the specifics? Because you're gonna. You don't say it out loud ever because you're afraid people are gonna think you're crazy or they're gonna take your kids away. And so you just keep burying it. And the loop gets louder and louder and louder. Just say it. What are some things you. You're scared of? The pictures you have in your head.

[Kelly]

Them getting kidnapped.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Kelly]

Like my number one fear that keeps coming up over and over again.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That you're going to be at a park with them. Somebody's gonna grab and take off.

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And since I have three, like, how am I gonna chase somebody if they grab one of my kids when I have two other ones that I need to keep track of?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What else.

[Kelly]

The other one that like, really, that was like kind of a catalyst for me writing in. The question is we went to Yosemite for the day and went for a hike. And I, like, couldn't even look around because I was so glued to them. There were so many people there, obviously. And then there was the fear of them, like falling off of the side of the cliff. And then we got to this one point of the trail where it's like a really rushing river with a bridge and there's railing, but it's not like a super sturdy railing. And I just. I couldn't breathe because I was picturing one of them falling off of the edge.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And this is one of those things that's both very true. It's right. If you got three little knuckleheaded kids, you should be worried about one of them flying off the edge. That's a real fear. But I'm guessing you wouldn't be calling me if your body didn't respond as though every minute of that walk one of your kids had fallen off.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

That's a good way to put it. Like, I felt like it already happened, not that it was going to happen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. And so if you back out a little bit, we could. We could dig through. Let me. Can I run through a few things and just. We're going to do real quick play a 30 second anxiety roulette game.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's the state of your finances in your marriage?

[Kelly]

Marriage, good. Finances we are very close to getting on top of, but in the past, haven't always been great.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. What's your housing situation?

[Kelly]

We own our home. About to move pretty soon. Where to buy a new home Pretty close by, like one town over.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where are you moving?

[Kelly]

House is too small. We're upgrading.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. What about friends? Who do you hang out with?

[Kelly]

I have a really good group of mom friends that I just recently started hanging out with and they've helped me get out of my shell and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, hold on. That's not a really good group of mom friends. That's. I've just started spending some time with some women that I'm practicing trust.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is that fair?

[Kelly]

Yes. Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How recent? Two weeks or two years?

[Kelly]

Probably around a year.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. All right. What's your sex intimacy life like? High level.

[Robert]

Good, good.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. What's the status of your health?

[Kelly]

Trying to get better.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's that mean?

[Kelly]

I've had kidney issues in the past, and that kind of keeps me on edge, like thinking that I could be in the hospital any minute with another kidney infection, but trying to drink more water, exercise more. That honestly could be another factor with the anxiety thing of my kids getting hurt because I like, have a brittle bones disease and broke a lot of bones as a kid.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Remember a minute ago when I said, tell me about your childhood? No. It's great, except my bones would always break. I don't have any memories because my.

[Kelly]

Parents never made me feel like that was something that limited me. Like I.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Said. Yeah, dude, you could give your kid. Like you can do anything. Except my legs explode, right?

[Aniston]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's the. What's the nature of brittle bone disease? What's. What's the actual diagnostic?

[Kelly]

It's called osteogenesis imperfecta. I have the least severe type.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, good. You're gonna minimize that too. I only mostly have a. I mean.

[Kelly]

Compared to the people who have the most severe.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, good. Awesome. Here's all I want you to do. Okay. I'm going to send you a copy of Building a Non Anxious life, my book. Okay. I want you and your Husband to follow the map in the book. Okay, okay, here's my. I'm just guessing and only because I've just. I can't tell you how many people with anxiety I've sat with over the years. Countless. Myself included. I'm going to make up something that may or may not have any validity to it, but I want to just give you an example of what I'm looking at. Okay. If you're a little bitty kid, who knows, have a wrong step in. My ankle just breaks or me swinging a baseball bat and my elbow may just break, right? Or my shoulder socket may just break. It's the least severe I know, but it just happens. And mom and dad are gone all the time. And I'm looking at my elderly relatives that are amazing. They're great, they're caring. But there's a little kid saying, where's my mom and dad? Where's my mom and dad? Where's my mom and dad? At any moment my arm's going to break. That is a recipe for a kid with a pretty finely tuned nervous system and a pretty cautious next step. You had to have that next step because you were in charge of you at a very young age. Doesn't mean anyone was bad. It doesn't mean anybody didn't love you, yada yada, but that meant you were very unaware. My daughter has a peanut allergy. And I didn't just. I didn't find this out until at the very end of her first grade year that they made her sit at a table all by herself. Could not believe it. But she has a very finely tuned. If I eat the wrong thing, I'm dead. And there's an anxiousness that's just wound into that. Right. That's real. That's just a reality that you live with that she lives with. Okay. And then you get married and then finances are tough and then you start having babies and then your kidneys and then your body and then there's this. And then I'm just going to be on Instagram because I don't have a lot of people. I got three young kids. My husband's at work. I'm here by myself. Dan. Because here's what I promise. If you hired two full time security guards just to watch your kids, that spinning loop inside your head would just move to the next thing. What if the fires get up to Fresno? The f. We're going to get covered up in fires. We're going to be. And then your husband would get fire insurance and. And take the neighbor's houses and, like, raise them to the ground and then put up a fire break. And then it would move to the next thing. Thing, and then it would move to the next thing. You get what I'm saying? And my guess is this has happened your. Most of your life, maybe not. But generally, this doesn't come out of a vacuum. And the. The questions I want you to do is this. I want you to back all the way out. Yes, it's right to be nervous that your kids are going to fall off a high, like, whatever, at Yosemite. Of course, it's not normal that you put some boundaries in for your kids. You take the right precautions, and then you can look up and be awe inspired, full of wonder, too. Both things can be true. And right now it feels impossible because your body's just sounding every alarm it has all the time. Does that sound tell me if I'm out to lunch or if. If you're like, oh, God, you're hitting it right on the head.

[Kelly]

Hitting it right on the head.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, you have to listen to this promise I'm going to make you if you will head directly into these alarms. And by the way, you cannot go by yourself. You got to get a counselor. You got to get a couple of girlfriends that will walk with you. I have peace on the other side of this that I did not know was possible. Okay, I'm gonna tell you something crazy. You know what I do at night? I just lay down and fall asleep. Can you imagine that?

[Aniston]

How is that possible?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right? Exactly.

[Kelly]

You mean you don't, like, worry that someone's gonna break in through your kid's window?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I can't even read a book. I read three pages now I just fall asleep. I'm out. Now. I still have ocd. I still go check the lock seven times. But then when I go in my room, I fall asleep and I'm kaput. Comically kaput. I can't get my. I can't get my kids, like, away from my presence because I'm not a. I'm not an anxious nuclear reactor anymore. I have a. Just a piece that's about me. But the only way is going straight into those alarms. Now when I. I still have a fear of heights. It's a hilarious thing. I'm not scared of fighting. I'm not scared of guns. I'm. I'm scared of heights. And I don't know why, but when I'm with my son and we're walking somewhere really high, like if we're hiking on a ridge, or we're doing something. And I'll say, hey, I need you to take care of your old man on this one. And he'll laugh and he'll, like, fake one. Fake like he's gonna fall off. And then he walks really carefully with me, and I tell him, I need you to do this because it makes me. Right it. I. I am outsourcing this to you for a second. Please don't walk by that railing. And. But it's a funny thing now. It's not life or death, and I've been life or death. I get it, man. It's like being betrayed by your own body, right?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. It's a nightmare. Ugh. You're not crazy. Can I tell you that?

[Kelly]

Thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I promise there's peace on the other end of this. Hang on the line. I'm going to send you Building a Non Anxious Life. It's my bestselling book. I want you to read it. I'll even send you a link to the audiobook. I know your mom with three little kids. If you just want to put it in your headphones to go for a walk around the neighborhood, then you can do that. And there's. There's questions at the end of every chapter that I want you and your husband to go through together. And it's just laying everything out. What is my body trying to solve for right now? And it might be health and healing. It might be. My body is constantly worried about my bones, so I need to make sure I go to the doctor on a regular basis. We can't afford that. Okay? We got to get our finances. All. All that. You just follow the map.

[Robert]

There's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, but your anxiousness is right. And is there such thing as too hyper vigilant? One million percent, yes. Is there a chance kids get kidnapped? Yep. Is it nearly the prevalence that's in the media? Not even in the same universe do I let my kids play out in the yard and. Oh, my son's 15. He rides a bike all over Nashville. Am I. Do I get nervous? Yeah, of course. Is he 15? Yes. He's gonna go do his thing. Do I let my daughter go two miles away by herself? No. Don't let my daughter run around outside with some friends. Absolutely. Yes, I do. I do. We're solving for peace here. Thank you for the call, Kylie. You're a brave, awesome mom. We'll be right back. All right, it's time to talk about Helix. Summer is here. Sun's up earlier, school's out, so the kids are going bananas. And if you're like me, your daily routine has exploded. And when that happens, what's the first thing that tanks? Sleep. So I'm going to be real with you. When I'm not sleeping well, I'm short with my wife, I'm grumpy with my kids, and at work, everything feels harder than it should. Sleep isn't just about closing your eyes and resting. It's about being able to show up the next day as the kind of person you want to be for yourself and for those who need you to show up for them. That's why I sleep on a Helix mattress. Before Helix, I tried all kinds of mattresses. They were too soft or too stiff, had memory foam that felt like quicksand. Whatever it is, you name it. But Helix matched me with the perfect mattress based on how I sleep and based on who I sleep next to. Yes, they've even got mattress options for couples who need different feels on the same bed. It's incredible. So get online and take the Helix Sleep quiz just like I did. It takes less than two minutes and they'll match you with the perfect mattress that's just right for you. Plus, right now, my audience gets exclusive savings on the Helix 4th of July sale. 27% off site wide. Go to helixsleep.com Deloney and get 27% off. That's Helix. H E L I X helixsleep.com Deloney with Helix Better sleep starts right now. All right, Kelly, something cool happened. What's up?

[Kylie]

All right, so this guy asked to remain anonymous, so we'll respect that, he writes. I wanted to say thank you for taking the call from the young lady who went through a divorce at 24. A little behind the scenes. We took a call very recently that just aired. She was 24, had gone through a divorce and was wondering how to tell people when she was.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh yeah, I remember that call. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Kylie]

As a fellow 24 year old who's currently going through a divorce after I found out about my spouse's infidelity with a coworker, this call helped immensely, helped me guide it, helped guide me toward the next right steps, allowing myself to go through this grieving process you mentioned once it was finalized. While using your advice on giving myself time to drop my shoulders, exhale and give myself some grace has been instrumental in helping me navigate the complicated emotions that are part of this journey. Also, being able to realize that I am not alone in this experience has helped me confront the stigma in the dating world and that I have nothing to hide and it does not define me. It is just part of my story. Thank you again for being you and everything you do on the show, dude.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Thanks, Anonymous. That means the world, man. That means the world. Very cool. I don't even. I don't even anything to add to that. That was just awesome and nice and kind and I wish you the best in your new romantic dating adventures. Make good choices and don't swipe. Just meet somebody in person, for God's sakes. Don't get near as many tattoos as Kelly has. It's too much. It's too much. Love you. Bye.