Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show – "I Will Soon Be an Empty Nester (And I’m Dreading It)"

Release Date: July 7, 2025
Host/Author: Ramsey Network

Overview

In this heartfelt episode of The Dr. John Delony Show, host John Deloney addresses profound emotional challenges faced by individuals navigating significant life transitions. Focusing primarily on the anxieties surrounding becoming an empty nester, the episode delves into personal identities beyond motherhood, marital dynamics, and the intricate balance between personal fulfillment and familial responsibilities. Through empathetic conversations with callers Danielle and Kaylee, Dr. Deloney offers insightful guidance and practical advice to help listeners manage their emotions and embrace upcoming life changes with resilience.

Section 1: Navigating the Empty Nest – Danielle’s Story

Timestamp: [00:05 – 14:55]

Danielle, a 51-year-old mother from Denver, Colorado, opens up about her emotional turmoil as her twin children prepare to leave home for college. She expresses feelings of irrational sadness, fearing that the future will lack the fulfillment her motherhood provided.

• Danielle's Concerns:

  • Emotional Attachment: "I cry at the drop of a hat when I pass by a ballpark where we made a lot of memories. And I want to look forward to the future, but when I do, it seems empty and quiet and not as fulfilling as motherhood." ([00:05])
  • Identity Crisis: "I feel as though my best year, the best years of my life have already been spent." ([01:11])

• John Deloney’s Guidance:

  • Embracing Emotions: "I don't want you to squash your emotions and your feelings this next year. I don't want you to numb yourself through this next year and miss a magic season in anticipation." ([02:07])
  • Redefining Roles: Encourages Danielle to view her evolving identity as a phase to develop new aspects of herself beyond motherhood. "You're going to enter into the funnest season... you get to make that transition from brush your teeth... to more of finally, more of an influence, more of a friend, more of a companion relationship." ([04:05])

• Practical Advice:

  • Open Communication: Suggests that Danielle and her husband openly discuss their fears of losing roles and responsibilities. "Write down what you are scared of losing and then talk about that with each other." ([08:06])
  • Honest Expression: Recommends Danielle express her emotions directly to her children, fostering transparency and emotional connection. "Take both of your kids out and just tell them, I'm going to cry all year... you're not a problem to be fixed." ([10:18])

• Affirmations and Closure:

  • Self-validation: Facilitates affirmations between Danielle and John to reinforce her self-worth. "Repeat after me. I'm not crazy... I'm an amazing wife... I'm going to cry my eyes out this year and that's right and good." ([14:35])

Section 2: Overcoming Resentment in Marriage – Kaylee’s Journey

Timestamp: [18:23 – 31:20]

Kaylee from Dallas, Texas, seeks advice on overcoming bitterness towards her husband stemming from his challenging career transitions post-military service. Her husband struggled with commission-only sales before securing a less fulfilling retail job, coinciding with their growing family and Kaylee's role as a primary caregiver.

• Kaylee's Challenges:

  • Career Struggles: "He was in the Marine Corps... transitioned out and took a commission-only sales job that was really tough both emotionally and financially." ([19:35])
  • Emotional Strain: "I think I'm still holding on to a lot of tension from that year of commission-only sales." ([20:57])

• John Deloney’s Insights:

  • Reframing Resentment: "Your feelings are right. But I wonder if it's not resentment as much as it is grief... about the picture we had didn't play out that way." ([23:28])
  • Acknowledging Heroism: Recognizes her husband’s perseverance and courage, emphasizing his heroism despite setbacks. "I married a guy that could do anything... a guy who never stopped." ([22:25])

• Actionable Solutions:

  • Expressing Appreciation: Encourages Kaylee to write a heartfelt letter acknowledging her husband's efforts and sacrifices. "Write him a letter about what you saw when he came home... I'm so grateful I married you." ([27:07])
  • Future Planning: Advises focusing on building a positive future together rather than dwelling on past regrets. "Let's go settle in and build the life that we want." ([28:41])

• Positive Developments:

  • Career Advancement: Kaylee shares positive news about her husband pursuing a career as a college campus police officer, offering a hopeful outlook. "That's fantastic... he'll get to go for free, right?" ([30:12])

• Final Encouragement:

  • Mutual Support: Dr. Deloney emphasizes the importance of mutual support and celebration of small victories within the marriage. "If you have a husband in your life that is a good man... say the words, I'm proud of you." ([29:22])

Section 3: Coping with Teenager Caregiving and Resentment

Timestamp: [34:45 – 46:47]

Sarah, a caller dealing with frustration and potential resentment as the main caregiver for her teenage daughter diagnosed with bipolar disorder, seeks advice on managing her emotions while providing support.

• Sarah's Struggles:

  • Intense Caregiving Duties: "It's become your full-time job... dealing with her outbursts and managing multiple doctors." ([40:19])
  • Emotional Burden: "I'm trying to remember as frustrating as, for me, I can't imagine how she feels because she feels like her body is betraying her." ([46:00])

• John Deloney’s Support:

  • Validating Emotions: "Permission to be just sad and mad about all that... You're not a bad mom if you feel mad or frustrated." ([40:35])
  • Reframing Anger: Compares her daughter's emotional outbursts to a child with the flu, emphasizing that her daughter is seeking comfort. "If you think of it as she's coming to the safest person she knows and vomits, it's easy to take the cursing and the yelling and the I hate you and extrapolate them." ([44:21])

• Strategies for Coping:

  • Setting Boundaries: Suggests establishing clear boundaries to manage outbursts effectively. "Sometimes establishing some of those gives people a safety." ([44:21])
  • Engaging in Positive Activities: Recommends involving her daughter in activities like walking to promote emotional regulation. "Ask her to go for walks with you... it makes your walks better when I get to walk with you." ([40:35])

• Affirmation and Hope:

  • Encouraging Words: Reinforces that Sarah’s efforts are not in vain and that seeking professional help is a positive step. "There is hope if you get with a team... You're a good mom." ([46:47])

Conclusion

Throughout this episode, Dr. John Deloney provides a compassionate and pragmatic approach to dealing with significant life changes and emotional challenges. By validating the emotions of his callers and offering actionable advice, he empowers listeners to embrace their evolving identities, improve their marital relationships, and manage the complexities of caregiving with grace and resilience.

Notable Quotes:

• Danielle at [02:07]: "You're supposed to cry at diaper commercials. They make them that way."
• John Deloney at [04:05]: "You're supposed to enter into what I think is just my opinion... the funnest season."
• Kaylee at [23:28]: "I married a guy that could do anything. And you don't have a psychology for finding out there's a thing he can't do?"
• Sarah at [40:35]: "I'm trying to remember as frustrating as, for me, I can't imagine how she feels because she feels like her body is betraying her."

Key Takeaways:

1. Embrace Emotional Transitions: Acknowledge and accept your feelings during significant life changes instead of suppressing them.
2. Open Communication: Foster honest discussions with loved ones about fears and expectations to navigate new life phases together.
3. Reframe Resentment as Grief: Understand that feelings of resentment may stem from grief over unmet expectations and address them with empathy.
4. Express Appreciation: Regularly affirm and appreciate the efforts of your partners or family members to strengthen relationships.
5. Set Boundaries in Caregiving: Establish clear boundaries when caring for loved ones with mental health challenges to maintain personal well-being.

By addressing these themes, Dr. Deloney offers invaluable support to listeners facing similar life challenges, encouraging them to find strength and purpose in their evolving roles.