I’m Afraid I’m Going to Cheat on My Husband

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: “I’m Afraid I’m Going to Cheat on My Husband”
Date: January 28, 2026 | Ramsey Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show centers on real talk about marriage, personal identity, and relationship challenges. Dr. Delony takes live caller questions, offering compassionate, practical advice on infidelity fears, marital growing pains after big life changes, burnout, shame around weight loss medication, and the struggle to build adult friendships. The tone is warm, direct, and deeply human as Dr. Delony reassures callers and guides them through honest reflection and next steps.

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Main Callers & Key Segment Summaries

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1. Krista: “I’m Afraid I’m Going to Cheat on My Husband”

[00:05–15:53]

Situation

Krista, newly married and recently a mother, finds herself strongly attracted to a man at her gym. She’s scared she might “do something stupid” and betrays her husband, feeling lost in a new identity as wife and mom, distant from her former adventurous self.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Normalizing Attraction

  • “There would be something wrong with you… if you suddenly stopped finding attractive people attractive.” (Dr. Delony, [06:04])
  • Feeling desire is human; what matters is how you respond to it.

• Identity Shift and Grief

  • It's natural to grieve the loss of your old life, even as you love your new one. "You can be super grateful and be holding a baby… and also, you can grieve the fact that it wasn’t in your plans for it to come like this." (Dr. Delony, [03:14])
  • New motherhood often brings intense “who am I now?” feelings.

• Old Patterns and Distrust of Self

  • Krista fears she can’t trust herself, referencing a past of “poor taste in men.” Dr. Delony encourages her to separate old behaviors from present intentions—she’s not doomed to repeat her past.

• On “Bad” Feelings

  • “There’s no bad feelings. You’re allowed to be frustrated. You’re allowed to be annoyed. They pop into your mind… most of our pathology these days is because when the thoughts hit, we are so uncomfortable.” (Dr. Delony, [03:47])

• Warning Signs & Signals

  • Attraction to someone else is usually a signal, not the full story. “More than that, what's attractive about him is that you see him noticing you. And that feels good. And is it happening at the same time that your husband’s got his head down, trying to figure out how to be a husband and a dad, too?” (Dr. Delony, [09:23])

• Practical Boundaries

  • If you genuinely fear acting on the attraction, change your environment: “If you think I am at risk of blowing up my marriage… then quit the gym. Go to a new gym. It’s that simple. There is no pulling machine that’s worth your marriage.” (Dr. Delony, [09:05])

• Intentional Relationship Reboot

  • Suggests proactively discussing with her husband: "We have a brand-new partnership. We have a brand-new marriage because now we have… a human to take care of." (Dr. Delony,[07:52])
  • Advocates for a “wipe the deck” approach—acknowledge that you are both different now and need to intentionally build a new relationship structure.

• Rediscovering Aliveness

  • Dr. Delony challenges Krista to consider: “What can you control about feeling alive again in this new season? What about old you are you missing?” ([10:48])

• Intimacy, Scheduling, and New Norms

  • “What does it look like to put sex on the calendar? What does it look like to put adventure on the calendar? What does it look like to put exercise on the calendar? It's different. It's different.” ([14:40])

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On tearful grief:
  “Grieve that… The woman that you were so proud of and the woman that you spent years curating and creating. She has a baby now. She’s a wife now. Right?… Both are true.” (Dr. Delony, [12:06])
• On temptation:
  “If you sleep with the hawkeye at the gym… I can't imagine a scenario where you don't wish that you had that back.” (Dr. Delony, [15:04])
• A call to honesty:
  “I have to be honest with you, husband. Like, a guy’s noticing me at the gym and it feels so good. I’m not going to do anything with it. But… I feel empty inside. I feel so empty that some stranger at the gym with big abs makes me feel seen again. And I want you to begin to see me again.” (Dr. Delony, [15:16])

Core Takeaway

Attraction, identity crisis, and longing to be “seen” are profoundly normal in early marriage and parenthood. The real work is not in denying attraction, but in using it as a sign to reflect, set boundaries, and intentionally co-create a new season of marriage—with plenty of grace for yourself and your partner.

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2. Miranda: “Should I Tell My Husband to ‘Suck It Up’?”

[20:55–36:58]

Situation

Miranda, a military spouse with four kids and a busy household, is burned out after years solo-parenting while her husband was deployed. Now that he’s home, he’s short-tempered, impatient, and wants time alone. Miranda is deeply tired and craves partnership, wondering: can she just demand her husband step up, or is there a better way?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• The Toll of Military Life

  • Both partners are “fried at the cellular level” (Dr. Delony, [23:33])—deployment and long-term stress deeply change people.

• The Marriage “Scorecard” Trap

  • “Both of y’all have picked up a scorecard, and y’all are walking around keeping score. And that’s a recipe for a marriage that ends in ash.” ([23:46])

• No Finish Line for Burnout

  • “There's no amount of sleep or rest that's going to solve the chaos that is your life right now."
  • “You’re running a race that has no finish line. People can do insanely hard things when there’s a finish line.” ([27:56])

• Longing for True Partnership

  • The most restorative thing isn’t just offloading chores—it’s building a unified vision: “You need a partner and a unified vision for what our home is going to feel like and look like moving forward. And you don’t have that.” ([29:54])

• Internal Gaps and Avoidance

  • Miranda is challenged to explore, “What is that gap you’re trying to fill with more chickens and more activities?… It’s worth exploring. What you’re seeking here is peace.” ([31:00])

• Brave, Honest Reset

  • Proposes a “wipe the deck” conversation: “We have a brand new marriage now. We have never been married after deployment three, after I quit my job, after we have four kids. What do we want this thing to look like and feel like?” ([33:10])

• Giving Each Other a Map

  • “If you become a safe place for him to exhale and talk to, and you give him a map on how he can love you, now you’re talking about game change.” ([36:58])

Notable Quotes

• “Both of y’all need to stop sucking it up.” (Dr. Delony, [27:32])
• “Stop resenting him for how I feel, because it’s not his fault, it’s just our life.” (Miranda, [34:55])

Core Takeaway

You can’t outwork or “suck it up” past the fundamental shifts and wounds of military family life. Both partners have to stop keeping score, honestly grieve the chaos, and bravely start a fresh vision of partnership and mutual care in this new reality.

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3. Amy: “How Do I Face Shame about Using Weight Loss Medication?”

[39:25–54:00]

Situation

Amy, after extensive medical struggle, has begun taking GLP-1 weight loss medication (Zepbound) with her doctor’s support. She’s privately relieved but unexpectedly ashamed, worried about judgment from others and feeling she “should have been able to handle this myself.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• No Shame in Science

  • “You got dropped into a world ecosystem that your body was not designed to live in, period.” (Dr. Delony, [44:09])
  • Our bodies aren’t built for modern food abundance and engineered temptations.

• Committing to What Works

  • “I want to applaud you for scratching and clawing and trying so many different paths for so long. What that tells me is you’re committed to...being a good steward of your body.” ([45:14])

• Responding to Judgment & Curiosity

  • “If somebody asks [about your weight loss], take that as a sign that you are a light in a dark place for them.… You can just say it’s a whole bunch of stuff. I’m still working on it.… Or just say I met with my Doctor and these GLP1s are magical. And then go about your day.” (Dr. Delony, [46:15])

• No “Cheating” in Using New Tools

  • Dr. Delony draws playful parallels: “Do you use the Internet?... Cheater. Do you drive a car?… Cheater. It takes the tools that we have and every tool we have comes with trade-offs.” ([47:15])

• Differentiating Tactics from Truth

  • It’s self-betrayal, not “cheating,” to obscure the truth from yourself or lie to others about your journey out of shame.

• Replacing Shoulds with Compassion

  • “That ‘should’ is a lie.” ([44:09])
  • Calling out the inner critical voice that assumes you “should” get by without help.

Notable Quotes

• “I don’t think you’re a cheater. I think you’re doing the next right thing for you and your body and you’re not doing it on a whim. Call me back in a few weeks and let me know how you’re doing. I would love to keep up with your journey here. I’m proud of you. It’s awesome. Hold your head high.” (Dr. Delony, [54:00])
• “I've been there. I get it. There's also a place just to be of insanely deep gratitude that me and we live in a time with all this abundance… and somebody studied… and came up with these GLP1s.” (Dr. Delony, [49:01])

Core Takeaway

Medical progress isn't "cheating"—it's wise and self-valuing to use effective new tools. Let go of shame, confront “shoulds,” and step lightly past others’ judgments. You don't owe anyone full disclosure, but you can stand in the truth of your journey.

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4. Quick Take: “How Do Adults Make Friends in Small Rural Areas?”

[55:45–end]

Key Points

• Go first. Lead with generosity.
• Be weird. Invite people, bake bread, connect with your neighbors—step out of your comfort zone.
• Drop assumptions about superiority; seek out the stories, lives, and wisdom around you.

Notable Quote

“Go first and do the invites and be weird. Just be willing to do things that you're uncomfortable with, that you've never done before... and open your eyes and realize I'm no better. I'm just different. And I want to learn about their world.” (Dr. Delony, [55:45])

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Key Themes & Timestamps

| Topic | Speaker | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|-------------------|------------| | Krista: Attraction & Marriage Identity Crisis | Krista/Dr. Delony | 00:05–15:53| | Miranda: Burnout, Military Family, Marital Scorecards| Miranda/Dr. Delony| 20:55–36:58| | Amy: Shame, Weight Loss Medication, Self-Compassion | Amy/Dr. Delony | 39:25–54:00| | Rural Friendship Advice | Dr. Delony | 55:45–end |

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Final Takeaways

Dr. Delony’s advice across all segments is rooted in self-compassion, honest reflection, and active, intentional communication—whether you’re negotiating new phases of marriage, your changing identity, or using breakthrough tools to better your life. Feelings, even the scary or shameful ones, are human and valuable signals. The next right move? Name reality, grieve the losses, drop the scorecards and “shoulds,” and boldly (re)build connections—with yourself and those you love.

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Memorable Moments Recap (with Timestamps)

• “There’s no bad feelings... most of our pathology these days is because when the thoughts hit, we are so uncomfortable.” (Dr. Delony, [03:47])
• “Both of y’all need to stop sucking it up.” (Dr. Delony, [27:32])
• “You got dropped into a world ecosystem that your body was not designed to live in, period.” (Dr. Delony, [44:09])

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For anyone who’s ever felt lost in marriage, motherhood, or the modern world—Dr. Delony offers both comfort and challenge to grow, grieve, laugh, reset, and reconnect.

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Transcript

[Caller/Guest]

I've been married a little over a year, and I am finding myself attracted to someone who goes to the gym that I'm at. I'm really scared. What if I do something stupid? What if I respond to it?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What makes you so untrusting of yourself? Have you done this before? Have you cheated before? Hey, this is John with the Dr. John DeLoney Show. So glad that you're with us, talking about your relationships and your mental emotional health, everything you got going on in your life. I'm glad that you're here. For two decades, I've been sitting with hurting people when the wheels have fallen off their life and pull up a seat, and we'll figure out what's the next right move. If you want to be on this show, go to john deloney.com, ask a S K, and it'll go to Kelly 1.0. She'll convert it to hieroglyphics, which is the. Her original language that she used thousands of years ago. And. And she'll get back to you and thank God for AI because then it will translate it back to your native language. All right, let's go out to Seattle, Washington, home of Pearl Jam, and talk to Krista. What's up, Krista?

[Caller/Guest]

Hey, thanks so much. Nice to talk with you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's nice to talk with you.

[Caller/Guest]

So I am struggling. I've been married a little over a year, and I am finding myself attracted to someone who goes to the gym that I'm at. And I. I just didn't think it would be like that, being newly married and I have a new baby and just trying to figure out, how do I deal with this? How do I. How do I change that? How do I not be that person? I'm scared of cheating.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So there's a big. There's a lot of leaps in here. So, geez, let me back all the way out. Tell me about your marriage right now.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I mean, it's generally. It's really good. We're adjusting to having, you know, another. Another little person in our lives. It's generally, like, textbook great. It's just. I'm just struggling with figuring out, you know, what. What marriage really looks like as we move forward.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me about that.

[Caller/Guest]

So I. I was used to traveling a lot and being kind of a jetsetter. The baby was a surprise.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And is the baby why y' all got married?

[Caller/Guest]

No, no. It's a honeymoon baby. She's super cute.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hey.

[Caller/Guest]

Oh, yeah. I'm surprised.

Which, you know, I'm so grateful for that, but okay, let me stop you there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. Can I tell you, you can be super grateful and be holding a baby. That's the. Like, this suddenly is the reason you're alive. Right. All that stuff. And also, you can grieve the fact that it wasn't in your plans for it to come like this.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It doesn't make you a bad mom for you to go, good God, I wish this had happened four years from now.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it doesn't make you a bad wife and him a bad husband if y' all are both scrambling now because this is not the picture y' all drew up.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I mean, I. I didn't think I would. I would feel this way having a baby either, and I.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, listen to me. Listen. There's no bad feelings. Okay?

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There's no bad feelings. You're allowed to be frustrated. You're allowed to be annoyed. You're. They pop into your mind. And I think most of our pathology these days is because when the thoughts hit, we are so uncomfortable with them. We want to blame somebody else for them, or we want to beat ourselves up for them. And then we feel dead in our own skin because we have to numb ourselves out. And then somebody walks by us in the gym, and they say, hey, I think you're beautiful. And all of a sudden we're like, oh, that makes me feel alive again.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't feel like myself most of the time, and I. Yeah, I actually.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You don't feel like the. The. The version 3.0 of yourself, and now you're at version 5.0.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I am. I just don't. I don't know. Like, I feel like my identity is just completely flipped, and I don't. I don't know how to deal with that, I guess. And, yeah, having these feelings really scares me because I. I do love my baby, and I love my husband, and I want that to work. I'm just so terrified. Like, what if I. What if I do something stupid? What if I respond to it generally? I just, like, keep my distance from that person. But I'm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Have you done this before? Have you cheated before?

[Caller/Guest]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So what makes you so untrusting of yourself?

[Caller/Guest]

In the past, I had really poor taste in men. I would say.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

And so I don't trust that I won't fall for something that's stupid. I. I guess I don't trust that I'm gonna always make the wisest of choices.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so let me clear the deck on a couple of things. Number one, there would Be something wrong with you. Psychological. There would be something wrong with you, all of you, if you suddenly stopped finding attractive people attractive. Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There would also be something innately wrong if there weren't lightning bolts of like, like electric desire. Okay. That just means you're human.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What you, what you can control is whether you choose to meditate on that and fantasize about that and let it consume part of you.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like the whole room should be lifted up when a beautiful woman walks in the room. Period. End of story. There should be a spirit that lifts in the room. Right. There should be a spirit that lifts in a room when a fireman walks in. Right. Or like a good looking guy in the gym. Just walk like, yeah. Everyone should go, ah, right.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then it's the switch flips is I wonder if. Or I'm going to turn on the flirt a little bit or I'm going to receive his flirt a little bit. And man, my husband doesn't. And that'd be so cool if. And that reminds me of when. And that's when we get ourselves in trouble.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so if you honestly think in your guts and what I, what I can't parse here in 15 minutes is, are you wrestling with. I'm a new version of myself and my husband and I have found ourselves. You've heard me say this like six inches apart on the couch, but 6,000 miles away from each other. Then what we need to do is go out for a half day and completely wipe the deck and say, hey, we got a brand new relationship.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We have a brand new partnership. We have a brand new marriage because now we have. We never been together. We've never been romantically involved and had a human to take care of.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And we've never been in love and trying to do life together and build something together. And I was the wild, fun, jet setting, jump up on the table girl. And now I'm covered in throw up and changing diapers and breastfeeding. And also watching you be disappointed that I'm not Right. Like all of that has happened all at the same time.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so the question is, who are we gonna be? Like, so that's, that's part one. Part two is everywhere you go, there's going to be attractive people and there's going to be hilarious people and there's going to be poets and there's going to be people with jobs that your spouse doesn't have. And you wonder what that would be like. That makes you human. Great. Appreciate it and move on with your life.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you think I am at risk of blowing up my marriage and becoming somebody I don't want to be, then quit the gym. Go to new gym. It's that simple. There is no pulling machine that's worth your marriage.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. But almost always that. My goodness, that guy's good looking. But more than. More than that, what's. What's attractive about him is that you see him noticing you.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that feels good.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And is it happening at the same time that your husband's got his head down, trying to figure out how to be a husband and a dad, too?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. That's the conversation that needs to happen.

[Caller/Guest]

That makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it's not. I need you. I want you to use these words. I want you to be intentional about noticing me.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. And it feels like right now, if we get one on one time, the TV's on and it's not. It's just not. And I fall asleep and he's working on starting his new job. And there you go. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And just because it's winter doesn't mean summer's broken. And so it might be a season of winter. Right now he's got a new job. You have completely your identity that you knew. Everything about you that you knew is gone now. And so it might be that we need two or three months or five months or six months of snuggling up on the couch under a blanket, and there's not fireworks and it's not July 4th, and we're not running around in tank tops and swim trunks, but the roots of what our relationship is growing deep.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I want to ask you, like, what can you control about feeling alive again in this new season? What about old you are you missing?

[Caller/Guest]

I. I feel like I used to be driven and fun and adventurous, and I. I don't feel like I don't feel any of it anymore.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

I. I don't feel anything.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Tell me about that.

[Caller/Guest]

I just don't think. Yeah. It's like I. The only time I feel like a piece of me is there, you know, like I'll have moments with my son, but I'm just that every day I just look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. And I don't. Yeah. I just feel really, really empty.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Exhale on that. Hold on. Grieve that.

[Caller/Guest]

Sorry.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Grieve that for a second with me. Like the woman that you were so proud of and the woman that you spent years curating and creating. She has A baby now. She's a wife now. Right? Listen to that sound. It's one of my favorite sounds in the world. Right?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I'm glad I don't have that sound in my house anymore. Right? Both are true. Both are true.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so my question is that emptiness, that who am I? That what is my purpose now? Because my purpose was being so hot and sexy, and my purpose was adventure, and my purpose was passion and driven and all that. And all of that. By the way, she's still there and she'll return. She's just going to look different. It's a different kind of awesome now. Yeah, she was rad, dude. And now you're entering into a different kind of rad. The question is, are we going to remain empty and let somebody else from the outside come try to fill that for us? Because I'm telling you, that's a bottomless pit. Or am I going to be intentional about asking, who am I going to be now? And look at my husband saying, who are we going to be now? And then I'm going to reverse engineer that with, we don't turn the TV on at night. We have to have. Even if it's. If it's six minutes survival sex and I've got spit up on my shirt. And by the way, I'm not taking my shirt off yet. But we're turning the lights off and we're getting this done. Right? Like. Like, like, what does it look like? And hey, I know you're trying to start a new business. You can take five minutes. And by the way, it's not even take you five minutes, but close the laptop. We're doing this. Or I need you to close the laptop and keep the kid because I'm gonna go do something silly with my girlfriends right now.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What came so easy now has to become intentional. And just because it's intentional doesn't mean it's less than and doesn't mean it's not valuable. In fact, I think the more intentional it is, the more valuable and precious it become.

[Caller/Guest]

I guess. Yeah, that does make sense. Because. Yeah, everything. Everything is a half hour and a. And a list.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes.

[Caller/Guest]

To get out the door now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes, yes, yes and yes and yes. So the reality has changed. Trying to pretend reality has not changed is not. Is not real. It's just dumb, right? It has.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so what does it look like to put sex on the calendar? What does it look like to put adventure on the calendar? What does it look like to put exercise on the calendar? It's Different. It's different.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, definitely different.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's just a different kind of awesome.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let me promise you, having sat with people on this very issue, if and when you. I don't say when. If you sleep with the hawkeye at the gym, I. I can't imagine a scenario where you don't wish that you had that back. Yeah, but to me it's a. It's less about that guy who just noticed you and more it is a signal for where we need to lean in inside our home. You and your husband. What is that revealing. What is that feeling of oh my gosh, there's. He recognizes me as old me. What is. What is that signal that we can head towards in our own house and put on the table is a moment of honesty. We're a year in and I've got a toddler and I have to be honest with you husband. Like a guy's noticing me at the gym and it feels so good. It feels so good. I'm not going to do anything with it. But it's making me realize I don't notice you anymore. I feel empty inside. I feel so empty that some stranger at the gym with big abs makes me feel seen again. And I want you to begin to see me again. And here's what that looks like. What if we didn't have phones up? What if we had our laptops down? What if we. What if we. What if we. What if we just co create that thing together? You'll have a brand new marriage. So clear the deck. The tower is fallen of your old marriage. Clear it and let's rebuild it. And to reiterate, you're not a bad. If you're not a bad human, if you think somebody else is attractive, if you think they're super good looking, you're not a bad person. If somebody handsome or beautiful walks in the room and you feel alive, great. That's wonderful. That's life. That's what beauty does. Where you begin to cross over as you begin to imagine what would it be like if in those thoughts and feelings we can control and if you don't feel like I can control those and you got to remove yourself from the situation. Thanks for the call, sister. I don't think there's something wrong with you. I think there's alarm bells going off and I think there are big spotlights pointing you in the direction you got ahead. It's just going to be uncomfortable. It's just going to be different. But adventurous, fun, driven, purpose filled. Krista, she's still there. Just her purpose and her adventures and her drive are going to be pointed in different directions now. And that's incredible. Thank you for the call, sister. Call anytime. Call anytime. When we come back, a woman asks how she can tell her husband that he needs to just suck it up. I can't wait for this. We'll be right back. Full stop. Montana Knife Co. Makes the best knives on the planet, period. You know that my son and I are big hunters, and I'm always talking about what an amazing, incredible cook that my wife is. So between the woods and the kitchen, my family needs knives that will hold up. A few years ago, I bought my wife The Montana Knife Co. Chef's knife set, and she still uses it every day. 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That's montanaknifecompany.com the New Year is here, and if you haven't already, it's time for new towels from Cozy Earth. Throw out the old towels that your aunt gave you at your wedding or that you stole from the hotel. Listen, you need new towels. And I don't know how they do this, but cozy earth towels will change your life. That probably says something about the state of my life. But listen, cozy earth towels are incredible. And when it's cold outside, a hot shower can be awesome. But even nicer than the hot shower is wrapping up in a lux towel. These towels are amazing. They're made from a blend of cotton and viscose from bamboo. These things are soft and plush. They feel like a hug. And everybody I know needs a few more hugs. And if new year new you means getting new sheets, I want you to check Out Cozy Earth's Baja Bedding collection. I got these and I'm going to tell you right now, they're so incredible. Soft. So soft. And the colors are beautiful. It makes our bedroom feel and look like a resort. As always, Cozy Earth bedding products come with a 100 night trial. Try them out. If you don't love them, you can return them hassle free. But trust me, you're not going to want to go to cozyearth.com and use code Deloney for up to 20% off your entire order. That's cozy. C O Z Y cozyearth.com Deloney use code Deloney. All right, we are back. Hey. Take two seconds to like or subscribe to the show. And it just, it helps the algorithm, it helps your neighbors, it helps everybody. Helps us. It helps everybody. Take two seconds to log in and hit the subscribe or like button. Let's go out to San Diego, California and talk to Miranda. What's up, Miranda?

[Caller/Guest]

Hi.

How are you doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm doing great. How about you?

[Caller/Guest]

Good, except for I feel terribly guilty that I'm about to ask you a question about my husband right now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, geez. All right, bring it on.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay, so just to give a little backstory, a few years ago I got out of the Navy to work at church part time and stay home with the kids. And my husband's still in. He's been gone most of the last three years. And this summer, while he was on deployment, I was pregnant with our fourth child. We don't have any family, but we have a bunch of kids, obviously goats, chickens, dogs. So I was by myself taking care of all that. Then I had a C section because why not, right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why not?

[Caller/Guest]

Exactly. Yeah. A million chickens. And then I had a C section and came home and had to recover from that and have it take care of the new baby and take care of everything else I was doing and just wait for him to come home, which was another two months. So I just felt like I was looking at the end of the tunnel. There was a light. And then when he got home, I would be able to rest. But that just has not happened at all. I mean, he's got three months off of work now and he just has no patience for anything. His temper is so short. And I just feel like I can't ask him for help because his patience is so bad. When I leave for my meetings, for church or to go grocery shopping, he's always rushing me and implies that I'm just wasting time. Basically, he said he wants to Even said he wants to plan a backpacking trip for himself while we're here on leave. And I was like, maybe I'd like to go on that. And he's like, well, we'll watch the kids. And I just felt so discouraged by that. I feel so burnt out and, like, I've had to be strong for so long, and I just wish that I could just rest and someone would be strong for me or sacrifice for me so that I can just breathe for a little bit. Because it's so hard to watch him be so impatient when for years I've been doing this, and he's made me feel like it was easy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

And that I should feel guilty if I'm stressed out about being a mom. So I'm just like, do I just tell him to suck it up because that's what I've been doing for all this time, or is that too mean or what?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, I mean, it's because he's going to say the same thing to you.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so that's not the issue. The issue is, underneath this thing, twofold. I hear twofold things. One is the men and women I've sat with after deployment number two and deployment number three are. Are fried at the cellular level.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes, that's so true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And was he in combat? Deployment? What was he doing?

[Caller/Guest]

No, he was. He's in the Navy.

He was just.

They really didn't have a mission. They were kind of just being present around the waters and in different areas. So.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. And so this is just my experience. And you. You both are. Have been in. So you have a different perspective than I do. This is just the outside when people come sit with me. Okay. There's like a hierarchy of I saw combat, so I get to be xy, I get to feel a certain way, or I get to, like, have these responses. I was deployed, but I didn't see combat, So I only get to. I only have permission to feel this level of frustrated, scared, lonely, left out, whatever. I've been in the service for 20 years, but I never went to combat. And so none of my feelings count. None of the things I saw, watched, etc, none of that counts. And it's easy. Here's the challenge. Both of y' all have picked up a scorecard, and y' all are walking around keeping score. And that's a recipe for a marriage that ends in ash and you sitting down and saying, hey, tell me about, like, I. Even deeper than that. You don't look like you're happy to be here. You don't look well. Are you okay? I miss you.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I miss my husband. And it's less about he's not seeing, he's not knowing me. And it's more about how can I see and how can I know him, how can I celebrate him? And that sounds crazy, but that's the only path to you being finally seen and known and celebrated, too. Somebody has to go first.

[Caller/Guest]

I totally agree with you. I mean, I've actually been following that advice that you've given. And, like, every day I try to tell him and be encouraging to him. Like, I've noticed that you're doing these things really well. Or when we get into bed at night, I will make a point to say you're doing a really great job with this or that, and thank you for everything that you're doing here and these changes that you have made. Because he's not all bad, obviously, of course. He's made a lot of good changes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, of course.

[Caller/Guest]

And so I acknowledge all of those things.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But are you at a position now where you can clear the deck and say, hey, we've got a brand new marriage. I want to build a new marriage. Because when we had. Doesn't exist anymore.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The one we had was two kids, no chickens, one deployment. And I had a steady paycheck, too. We have a new life now. What do we want this thing to look like? And for somebody who just came off deployment number three, there might be so much chaos. With four kids, a wife working part time, plus all these chickens, plus all these whatever, plus the financial stress of living in San Diego. All of it. All of it. All of it. All of it. And it might just be that he's electrified and the only thing his body knows to do is get out of here and. Or let me put it this way. I remember exactly the moment when I realized falsely, by the way, the greatest gift I could give my family was to just not be in the house. Because I couldn't do anything right. I didn't know the rhythms and routines of this house. I was working 24 7, 365 in hospitals and sitting with hurting people. And as a. And then doing my college job during the day. Like, I just knew I make this thing worse. I'm going to be out of here. I'll go make money. I'll go on hunting trip. I'll just leave because that'll be the best gift I can give my wife and my kids.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you get what I'm saying? So, like, the. What I thought was the greatest thing Actually made everything worse. It put gasoline on the already existing fire. My marriage.

[Caller/Guest]

Mm. So it sounds like what you're saying, how I'm taking this is that I need to suck it up kind of.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nope.

[Caller/Guest]

Because that. Now I feel like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And both of y' all need to stop sucking it up.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here's the thing. You're. You're. There's no amount of sleep or rest that's going to solve the chaos that is your life right now.

[Caller/Guest]

That's true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're. You have a. You have a. You're just like, hey, when do I get to go run my marathon? The problem is your marathon will not have a finish line.

[Caller/Guest]

So what do you recommend for that, like, burnt out feeling? What do I do about that? I just feel like I can't even enjoy being around my children anymore because I'm so tired. Like, not physically, but just like you said, on a cellular level, I'm just.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes, it's existential. Because you're running a race that has no finish line. People can do insanely hard things when there's a finish line.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Like, just like how I said I felt like there was a finish line, like a light at the end of the tunnel, but now I'm realizing that's not true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Exactly. Because you had a picture of what it was going to look like when he got home, and he had a picture of what it was going to look like when he got home. And he walked in the door, and you're like, ah, I'm off. Your turn.

[Caller/Guest]

That's definitely how I felt.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And he walked home and said, this home is more chaotic than the boat I just got off of.

[Caller/Guest]

Mm, that's definitely true. I mean, in my defense, he did tell me that when he got home, he was gonna. Of course it would be that way, but he probably didn't anticipate how.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You probably sent him some flirty pictures, too, and said, I can't wait till you get home. I'm gonna rock your world. We're gonna make kids number 9, 10, 11, or however many y' all have. And you both got home.

[Caller/Guest]

I was pregnant.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm playing. But like. But, like. But, like, you both had pictures of what this was gonna look like, and y' all both had good intentions of what we were gonna do and how we were gonna be. Yeah, but you keep saying, I just need to rest. That's not true. What you need is some sort of. Let me rephrase that. You do need rest, but your rest is not going to Be found in just unhooking from everything.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because you're also a problem solver. And that machine will kick up wildly. What you need is some support and some help. And you need a partner in a unified vision for what our home is going to feel like and look like moving forward. And you don't have that.

[Caller/Guest]

Right. Yeah, you're right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so you're adding more chaos with more chickens and more dogs and more ponies and more. Whatever. There's this ever. There's this ever. Let me put it this way for you. You have some sort of internal gap, internal space that you are trying get to get other people and other things to fill. And so what is that gap?

[Caller/Guest]

I don't know. How do you know?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, usually it takes some introspection.

[Caller/Guest]

I don't really do that. I'm too distracted to think, actually get to know myself. I probably avoid it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, probably.

[Caller/Guest]

But I think you're right when you said that. It sounded right to me. I just don't know what the answer is, what that gap is for me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. And there's not just like a. Oh, it's this.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's usually a whole bunch of shenanigans.

[Caller/Guest]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it's just. Here's. Sometimes it's worth exploring. What you're seeking here is peace.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. It's not being off the clock, although that might be a part of peace. It's not him doing the dishes, although that might really help. Those are all tactics. Those are all hacks. They're all things that have to get done. But you're talking about something in your bones, man.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, you're right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I did my service. I became a mom. I tried to be a wife. I held it all together. I had another kid and another kid and another kid. And then I had this. I watched a lot of YouTube while I was pregnant, so then I wanted to have the chickens and the farm and the whatever. All of these things are supposed to solve that gap inside your chest, and they're not.

[Caller/Guest]

You're right. And I just keep adding more things and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then you blame the rest of the world for your lack of peace.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Now I'm not. I'm not letting him off the hook. He does need to have some suck it up. He does need to like, he. He needs to have the same, if not more vigor about the mission that is his home that he just got off the boat. He just carried out on the boat. The problem is, is they didn't send that boat out There without a. Without some sort of mission, some sort of operation strategy. Your home doesn't have one right now.

[Caller/Guest]

All right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so that's what I mean by y' all clearing the deck. It's not about either of you sucking it up at this point.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, y'.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All, y' all chose to make four humans. So there's going to be just a level of chaos. It just is. There's going to be a level of fatigue and a level of what happened to my body. There's just going to be that, like, you all just have to. Y', all. Y' all have that responsibility. I'll put that weight on the bar. So it is what it is, but it's about clearing the deck and saying, hey, I miss you and I love you. And we have a brand new marriage now. We have never been married after deployment, three after I quit my job, after we have four kids. What do we want this thing to look like and feel like? And then we get to develop the strategy to get us there.

[Caller/Guest]

Definitely.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you sat down across the table and said, I miss you and I love you and I want to build a new marriage and I realized that while you were gone, this house became an electrified, chaotic zoo, literally. And I want to know how we can co create a new marriage and I want to know how I can love you in this new season. What would he say to that?

[Caller/Guest]

I think he would be all for it. He's a very dedicated person to me and to our family. He is. I think that he's just going like you said before, and he made me realize he's going through his own struggles, too. And we probably just need to, like you said, start new, hear from each other what is going on and try and serve each other and support each other and be a team instead of trying to fight each other all the time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It sounds gross the way I say it. What you just said is perfect. But it can also that what you just. The way you said it can also be a lot of cliches. Right. A lot of things you just stitch onto a pillow right there. There is a point when this gets gross, and I wish it wasn't this. You couldn't distill it down to this level of transaction. But Terry Real, the great therapist and author, says at some level it is, how can I give you what you want and what you need so that you are anchored enough to give me what I want and what I need? And the challenge is someone has to go first.

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Otherwise it's just about take, take Take, give me, give me, give me. I need, I need, I need. And that turns into, well, you don't. You never. And then it turns into, I've got this scorecard and I'm winning.

[Caller/Guest]

Exactly. I just need to wipe it clean. Stop resenting him for how I feel, because it's not his fault. It's just our life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's our life. That's right.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And like any, you've been through these trainings before in your years of service, at some point the battlefield will happen to you or we're going to come up with an operation and with a strategy and a plan, and then we're going to happen to this battlefield. And so it's just recognizing after we woke up at six years later and the world had just happened to us, and now we're going to take our autonomy back and we're going to take control of this thing and we're going to lock arms and do this thing together, unified together. And if you haven't asked, if you haven't gone past, man, you didn't even do anything. I'll just drove around in the ocean on a boat for a while and docked and went and partied and got back on the boat.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Which is the easy story to throw out. They're asking him, hey, what was it? Tell me about it.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, it's not really fair to him to say that, well, that's only how I thought.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And what I will guarantee you. And you know this, the number of men who I've sat with over the years who say, hey, by the way, I'm going to tell you what happened. You cannot tell my wife that this thing blew up, that we were under, under watch for we. We were. I'm trying to think, say not nerdy military terms so the listeners don't like that we were thought we were going to get shot and killed twice a week or three times a week or every week, or we got geared up and, and got all the boats out of the middle and put them out and then we had to put them all back. We kept going to do that over and like, who knows? But he was probably trained. You keep your mouth shut about what happened, you suck it up and you go home.

[Caller/Guest]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if you become a safe place for him to exhale and talk to and you give him a map on how he can love you, now you're talking about game change. Will there be times when both of y' all have to suck it up 100%? Yes. That's just life. That's being a parent, that's being a spouse. Are y' all gonna have to do things that you don't feel like doing? 1 million percent. That's life. But right now, solving that at the tactical level isn't a good use of your time or energy. It's just going to lead to more burnout. It is exhaling and saying, how do we want to feel when we both walk in the door every day? I miss you and I love you. Let's build something completely new from the scratch up. We get to decide. We get to decide what it looks like. I'm all in. Are you in? And if he wants to call, I'd love to talk to him. I'd love to talk to him. But it's awesome that he loves you and it's awesome that you love him. Let's build something amazing. We come back. A woman asks how to face shame about using weight loss medication. If you've seen me speaking on stage at live events, in a local comedy club or anywhere on social media or the Internets, you can you have seen me wearing poncho shirts. Why? Because I love them. I'm always wearing poncho shirts. And now that it's cold outside, it's perfect for wearing my favorite poncho shirts, the denims and the flannels. Their denim has that soft, broken in feel and a little stretch. It's like you've worn it a million times but it still looks incredible. And poncho flannels come in original or western styles. And I'm telling you, they're going to be the softest shirts you've ever owned. And somehow these soft shirts are tough and comfortable. I love poncho shirts. They come in slim or regular fit and they're built to last. And they hold up to whatever your life throws at you inside or outside. When you are shopping for the guys in your life, I want you to go to poncho outdoors.com DeLoney if you sign up with your email, you get 10 bucks off your first order. And I want you to tell them that you heard about their amazing shirts right here on the Dr. John DeLoney Show. That's Poncho. P O N c h o ponchooutdoors.com DeLoney all right, Sacramento, California, let's talk to Amy. What's up, Amy?

[Caller/Guest]

Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm great. How are you?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm doing well.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Excellent. What's up?

[Caller/Guest]

So here's the deal. After many months of test experiments and discussions between me and my Doctor, we finally decided that the right next step for me and my health was to go on GLP1 weight loss medication.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Outstanding. Awesome.

[Caller/Guest]

Thank you. So, for context, my starting BMI is about 30.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm comfortable with this decision, but I realized that I have only told two people about it. One is my husband, and the other one is a good friend who is also on the same journey. So we're bouncing off of ideas off of each other.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How long have you. And by the way, BMI at the population level is a helpful metric. At the individual level doesn't tell me a whole lot. Are you overweight? Are you. Have you been struggling with your weight? Tell me where you are.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, so I'm overweight. I'm not. I don't consider myself obese.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

I'm about 30 to 40 pounds heavier than I want to be.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. And is your desire, is that based in reality or is that based in some sort of distorted view of yourself?

[Caller/Guest]

No, it's pretty real.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. All right. Your doctor agrees you could. You. You could use to lose 40 pounds.

[Caller/Guest]

Correct. Okay. And the weight gain has caused some real medical issues as well.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Perfect. Okay.

[Caller/Guest]

Not just.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How long have you been taken? What are you taking?

[Caller/Guest]

I'm. I'm on Zepbound.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, great. So how long have you been on it?

[Caller/Guest]

Just a couple of weeks.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What have you seen? What have you experienced?

[Caller/Guest]

It's pretty magical, to be honest with you. The way that it just turns off all the food noise.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller/Guest]

People keep talking about it, but it just. Once you experience it, it's hard to believe.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I'm asking this for the audience as much as anything else. What have you noticed about other positive side effects?

[Caller/Guest]

I can't say much yet. I think it's too early to talk what.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What I. What I've heard from. So I've had up some of them on this show before, and these have become some of my close personal friends. But there are fitness experts across the globe, and not influencer dorks, but like actual trainers and actual scientists, many of whom, when these things came out, when GLP1s came out, they took them not because in any shape, form, or fashion, they needed them, but they wanted to be able to speak from insider knowledge. Right. And to a person, a hundred percent of them have come back in personal conversations to me and said, I stopped drinking, I stopped worrying all the time. These things like, basically that weight loss is a downstream benefit of a whole host of other powerful benefits.

[Caller/Guest]

And so I'm looking forward to that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, you're like oh sweet. Sign me up for that too. So let me get to the root question here.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where in the world does your shame come from that you happen to live in a sliver of history when we have some amazing medications that can. That are pretty transformative?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out myself, to be honest. Again, I'm comfortable that this is the right choice, but I realize that.

I.

Don'T want to tell people. So the expectation is it's going to be visible.

Right.

People are going to start noticing. And if people start commenting about it, my initial reaction is that I don't want to talk about this at all. But I'm not a liar, so I don't know what to do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The question beneath it, why do you feel like you need to tell anybody? Why can't you just say thank you so much? What have you been doing? Been working hard. Tada.

[Caller/Guest]

But, but is that true? Like yes, I have been working hard. Right. But I have been working hard for a very long time and it hasn't been working for me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so you just found, you found different ways that, that it didn't work and now you found one that did.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I think at the, at the core of it is that I feel like I should have been able to handle this myself.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where does that should come from? Because that should is a lie. You got dropped into a world ecosystem that your body was not designed to live in, period.

[Caller/Guest]

What do you mean by that?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The human body, from the cellular level to the neurological level to the physical level was designed for environments of scarcity. All of our brain chemistry is designed to go, oh God, there's apples once some, once a year. Or let me put it another way, my great grandmother got a sack of oranges for one Christmas. And the thought of having oranges in December was madness. It was worthy of a Christmas gift. The Christmas gift they got that year. And now we go to the store and we have oranges stacked in a pile as tall as we are. 24, 7, 365.

[Caller/Guest]

True.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Not to mention Ubereats and gas stations and, and hyper palatable foods and hyper processed like we just aren't supposed to live in this environment. And I want to applaud you for scratching and clawing and trying so many different paths for so long. What that tells me is you're committed to trying to find ways to be a good steward of your body. That's awesome. And now you found one that works. Hooray. Awesome. And nobody else gets a vote. And I guess, I guess I want to give you.

[Caller/Guest]

How would you respond. How would you respond to the question of what have you been doing? And I feel angry that people are actually entitled to ask that question. People. About people's body.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. But hold on.

[Caller/Guest]

How do you respond?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Don't. You can choose anger if you want to or you can choose deep compassion because you've been there too.

[Caller/Guest]

True.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You've had somebody in your life that lost a bunch of weight and you had to know because they must have the secret elixir. What's the secret path? The super workout. This. The. The atomic diet. Like, what is it? And so if somebody asks, take that as a sign that you are a light in a dark place for them. And you can just say it's a whole bunch of stuff. I'm still working on it. So I don't want to talk about it too much, but it's been a lot of hard work. Or just say I met with my Doctor and these GLP1s are magical. And then going about your day because.

[Caller/Guest]

A good way to look at it. I think at the end of the day, I'm generally like a pretty high achieving person. So I try to excel at everything that I do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you use the Internet?

[Caller/Guest]

What's that?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you use the Internet?

[Caller/Guest]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Cheater. Do you use a laptop?

[Caller/Guest]

Correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Cheater. Do you have a smartphone?

[Caller/Guest]

Yep.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My granddad was an engineer and he used a protractor. Cheater. Do you drive a car?

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. My great grandfather had to get around on a horse. Cheater. It takes the tools that we have and every tool we have comes with trade offs. My great grandparents walked a lot and so they were thinner and healthier. We drive a lot. We can get places a lot faster. Both of us would say we should trade. Great. Cool. If you take GLP1s, you have to have to exercise, you have to work out.

[Caller/Guest]

I do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. You have to lift weights. Great. You have to be intentional about protein and fiber. Great. But we just live in a sliver of history where we have this. Both this amazing abundance and if you read the data on global starvation, it has fallen off a cliff in the. In recent decades. Amazing. They're still hungry people. Make no mistake. But awesome. We figured out abundance in this little snapshot of history. Cool. We're burning out the soil and all that. But fine, we've. We've solved abundance for a while. Great. And that comes at a cost, which is we have light switches in our minds that are not designed to have food everywhere all the time. 24, 7, especially food engineered by scientists who are trying to flip switches in our mind that make it almost impossible to stop eating. Cool. Or as Jon Stewart says, science has become amazing. Solving problems caused by science.

[Caller/Guest]

Cool, right?

That's true.

It's just hard to turn off the noise, right? The noise of like, oh, if you just go keto for two months, it's gonna be fine. Or if you just lift heavier, then you're gonna be fine. If you. And then you try all of those things and it just doesn't work.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's right. Correct. The hardest thing is just mostly doing the right thing over and over again for a long, long time. It's hard. It's hard. I'm exhibit A. It's hard. And so you found something incredible. Great. I don't think you're a cheater. I think you're doing the next right thing for you and your body and you're not doing it on a whim. And you didn't watch a YouTube clip and be like, oh, yeah, I'm good. Like, you went and sat with a doctor and I don't think other people will get a vote in your life. And I would not have one second. This is me personally of shame about telling somebody that I was on a GLP1 if I was taking one. And also, I can't control what stories other people choose to take with that information and make up about me. So I'm not going to try, but I'm not going to cash in my integrity. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to be a person who just suddenly stops telling the truth or telling my story. But I'm going to be a guy that can't, I can't decide. I can't make you not make up stories about me. Great. Cool. I'm going to move on with my life. But I guess hear me say, Amy, I'm proud of you as a guy who sat at my kitchen table and wept when I first took anxiety medication. I thought I'd failed my son, thought I'd fill my wife. I thought I'd failed my everything. I wept. And those medications for a short season turned down the noise enough that let me go sit with a counselor and get back into the gym. And, and, and, and, and, and, and I've been there. I get it. And there's also a place just to be of insanely deep gratitude that me and we live in a time with all this abundance. And we live in a time when our brains have been hacked. And we live in a time when Somebody studied, what is it, Gila monster poison or something and came up with these GLP1s. And so far, with the right intentionality about what we eat and how much protein we get, how much we're lifting weight, whatever, they can be magic for a large swath of a hurting population. Incredible. So I applaud you, sister. I applaud you. Call me back in a few weeks and let me know how you're doing. I would love to keep up with your journey here. I'm proud of you. It's awesome. Hold your head high. We'll be right back. All right. It's the new year, and everybody's talking about getting more organized with less clutter, less stress, and more peace. Here's one area of organization I want you to focus on this year, your digital footprint. To do this, I recommend Delete me every time you fill out a quick form, grab a discount online, or sign up for some kind of free thing on the Internet. Your personal information, things like your name, your email, your phone number, your address, all of that stuff gets collected and sold and shared by data brokers behind your back. And over time, all of this turns into a fire hose of spam calls and weird text and scam emails. Delete me's team of privacy experts finds your personal information on data broker sites that are selling your data, and it gets all of that information taken down. And then delete ME keeps checking on your information to make sure it's always gone. It's like setting healthy boundaries for your digital life because protecting your privacy is part of protecting your piece. It's about organizing everything in your life. So this year, start fresh with fewer distractions and more peace. Go to joindeleteme.com deloney for 20% off an annual plan that's J O I n. Join deleteme.com deloney and start organizing and protecting your piece this year. All right, we're back. I've got a money in marriage question. These are anonymous questions that people leave at the money marriage retreats that me and Rachel Cruz put on a few times a year here in Nashville. Here's the question. We've been married 10 plus years. We have two little kids. We live in a rural area and don't really have friends we can call or that we hang out with. Lots of people we know, but no real adult friends for either of us. How the heck do we do adults make friends in small rural areas? As a guy who grew up in suburbs, I moved out to a rural area when I was here in Nashville. Out in the woods, like banjos playing everywhere. And I had to get used to two things. Number one, the people around me had different lived experiences than I did. And I had to get over something that I didn't even know was inside my chest, which is I thought that I knew more about the world and that I was a little more educated. And I was, I mean, I hate to say it, but I'm probably a little bit better. And that was 1,000% wrong. Incorrect. And so two things that my wife and I did. Number one, we were uber intentional about generosity. That means we were always taking food and stuff to our neighbors. And some of our neighbors are in their 70s and we've become great neighbor friends with them. We talk about their illnesses, we talk about their dreams, we talk about the cost of land, we talk about the engine that my neighbor's putting in his new truck, his old truck. And in his 70s, he's just awesome. We talk about our kids, we talk about everything. But it started with us taking over some homemade sourdough bread. It started with us taking over. Like when I get a deer during hunting season, I'll take one over and just give, donate the whole thing to him. It started with, hey, come up to my front porch, let's have coffee with my 60 year old neighbor who's dying of cancer. And he showed up and it was, it was amazing. It was a blast. And so number one, we went first and we led with generosity. Number two, we started having my kids friends. Oh, parents over all the time. And we are very different. And they've turned into dear radical new friends of ours that we love and we care about because we started realizing they've got different lived experiences. They lived in different towns. We all had different jobs.

[Caller/Guest]

We.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But we all care about mostly the same things. We want some peace in our life. We want our kids to do well. We want our marriages to be good and we want to laugh hilarious and tell funny jokes and we have different values and different beliefs and yada yada. And it has been awesome. But again, that took us inviting people into our house and it's been transformative. And so I can distill it down in two. In, in, in two sentences are two little quippy phrases. Go first and be weird. Go first and lead with generosity. Go first and do the invites and be weird. Just be willing to do things that you're uncomfortable with, that you've never done before and have conversations with people you've never talked about before and open your eyes and realize I'm no better. I'm just different. And I want to learn about their world. And I'll tell you what. In our life, in my rural community out in the woods, it has changed everything in my life for me, my wife and my kids. Love you guys. Bye. All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at 740. Nine bucks a couple. Get [e-mail] getaway.