The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: “I’m Single at 50 and Devastatingly Lonely”

Date: October 1, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony
Producer: Ramsey Network

Episode Overview

This episode deeply explores themes of loneliness, touch deprivation, family wounds, and relationship challenges across generations. Dr. John Delony takes live calls from listeners wrestling with emotional pain, childhood trauma, and relational dilemmas—including profound loneliness in midlife singleness, parental estrangement, and navigating friendship as a young adult. The show’s central theme is the intense human need for connection and affirmation, even—especially—when our past and circumstances conspire against it.

1. Surviving Loneliness and Touch Deprivation (00:05–17:23)

Key Discussion Points

Andy’s Story (00:05)

• Caller Andy (Columbus, Ohio, 50s, never married, no kids): Shares deep sadness and embarrassment about being “starved for affirming touch."
  • “I've been feeling a bit embarrassed about this the last few days. I'm in my 50s, never married, no kids, never really had a significant other, and I'm looking for help on handling times of feeling sad, frustrated, probably even grief over not having affirming touch in my life." (Andy, 00:57)

Childhood Trauma (02:17)

• Andy discloses childhood sexual abuse and an emotionally distant, non-affectionate family environment.
  • “There wasn’t hugs, there wasn’t playful touching… It was just wrong for me… must be something for everybody else.” (Andy, 02:44)
  • “It was stolen and used for somebody else’s good… There was no other, what I would call good touch." (Dr. John, 07:19)

Therapy, Fear, and Resignation (04:08)

• Andy works with a counselor about his abuse but has avoided discussing touch:
  • “I figure that I won’t like the answer. I don't want to have to accept that this is the way it is.” (Andy, 04:29)
  • Dr. John challenges this resignation, encouraging engagement despite fear.

Internalizing Brokenness (06:40)

• Andy fears he is “broken”—that he is “messed up in some way that just… nobody would want to touch me.”
  • “You're not broken in any way, shape, form, or fashion… Your body is both, A, apprehensive of any touch, B, desperately wishing for it. And, C, there's no map to go get it…” (Dr. John, 07:19)
  • “Do you want to wade through an electric fence… to get to the other side, where touch becomes more of a regular part of your life? Or do you want to stay where it's uncomfortable, but it's safe?” (Dr. John, 08:31)

Romantic Attachments, Sexual Orientation, and Faith Conflict (09:32)

• Andy reveals difficulty with romantic intimacy—primary attraction to men, but refrains due to Christian beliefs:
  • “Even when I was so-called dating, there just was not physical touch between us. And since you brought it up… My primary attractions have been towards men. And because of my Christian beliefs, I've chosen not to go that route. And I'm at peace with that.” (Andy, 10:00)

Fears of Male Intimacy (10:56)

• Andy struggles to hug male friends out of fear of being judged:
  • “It also makes it a little bit tougher for me to trust…because I'm afraid of what they will think.” (Andy, 10:56)
  • Dr. John affirms the fear is often from self-judgment, not from others: “Most of the time those fears are in our own hearts and minds and in your case, in your nervous system.” (Dr. John, 11:32)

Dr. John’s Strategies & Advice

• Get a Dog (12:55)

  • “If you haven’t already, getting a dog can be a magical step in the right direction… They are an amazing substitute.” (Dr. John, 13:25)
  • Owning a pet offers physical touch, a sense of responsibility, and helps rebuild self-worth. Group dog training classes can offer low-stakes human interaction.

• Be Honest in Therapy (16:33)

  • “Stop keeping secrets from your counselor and talk about your fear of touch.” (Dr. John, 16:33)

• Activities Built on Touch

  • Ballroom dancing or other casual, structured group environments to “practice being touched without fear.”

• Body Needs to Relearn Safety

  • “Your body has to learn that it wasn’t safe then, but it is safe now... you’re worth being hugged, my brother.” (Dr. John, 17:23)

Notable Quotes

• "You are not broken in any way… your body’s working perfectly for what was laid out for it." – Dr. John (07:19)
• "I’m grateful for your call, my brother. You call me any, any time. Blessings. Good man." – Dr. John (17:23)

2. Parental Estrangement and Defining Love in Difficult Times (21:11–35:59)

Lynn’s Story – The Unwanted Son-in-Law

Estranged Participation (21:11)

• Caller Lynn (Tampa, FL): Struggles with attending her daughter's wedding because she doesn’t support the marriage.
  • “How do I tell my daughter that I don't want to participate in her wedding events because I just don't like the guy that she's marrying?” (Lynn, 21:11)
  • "He's a screamer… guilt tripping, financially abusive… a whole laundry list of reasons that he wouldn’t make a good husband right now.” (Lynn, 22:47)

History Repeats (25:14)

• The conversation reveals family abandonment patterns; Lynn’s own parents left her, and her daughter previously chose to live with her father amidst his addiction.
  • “When she moved out to go live with her dad after our divorce... It was hard. I was crushed. She didn't really want a whole lot to do with me or the sister that had stayed home.” (Lynn, 25:14)

Intergenerational Pain and Choices (26:14)

• Dr. John gently unpacks that both Lynn and her daughter experienced being ‘left’ and links the urge to walk away from relationships with historical pain.

Dr. John’s Guidance

• "Walking away from a child almost never accomplishes what we want it to accomplish. What it does is it keeps us as adults safe from our own hurts and our own pain…” (Dr. John, 28:33)
• Suggests an “alternative vision”—leaning in, reaffirming love for her daughter (“I’ll be here now, I’ll be here when things get scary... I’m going to get closer to you instead of further away.” [Dr. John, 29:38])
• Advocates for “mission-centric” showing up: putting aside personal discomfort to be the support system her daughter might desperately need one day.

Notable Quotes

• “I want you to hold the responsibility to not repeat that same pattern, which is, ‘I'm going to walk away too.'” (Dr. John, 35:56)
• “Sometimes being present is the greatest offer of love you can give her.” (Dr. John, 31:28)

3. Finding Friends in Your 20s (38:15–50:14)

Mary Shelley's Story

Loneliness in Early Adulthood (38:15)

• Caller Mary Shelley (Indianapolis, IN, 23): Works night shift at a nursing home and struggles to make friends after high school and college.
  • "How do you make friends in your 20s?" (Mary Shelley, 38:26)
  • “My only friend that I have is now moving away…” (Mary Shelley, 41:37)

Shifting the Paradigm (42:06)

• Dr. John reframes the idea of ‘friends’ as “a thing you are worth, not people who bring you stuff.”
• Explores Mary’s habit of molding herself to what others want, rather than pursuing her own passions or inviting others into her interests.
  • “Why do you think you’re not worth being friends with?” (Dr. John, 45:53)
  • Mary reveals struggles with feelings of abandonment and being “too much” for family and friends.

Root Issues: Self-Worth and Agency (47:51)

• Mary admits to always following: “You do whatever anyone else wants to do.”
  • “Which begs the question, why don’t you think you’re worth people coming to do things that you want to do?” (Dr. John, 47:54)
  • Encourages asking herself: “What do I actually want to do with my one wild and precious life?” (Dr. John, 48:28)

Building Community: Practical Steps

• Go first. Be Weird. (48:30)

  • “Put your phones away. Go first. Go be weird.” (Dr. John, 48:30)
  • Suggests creating opportunities for connection based on personal interests, like inviting “kind of know” acquaintances to bake bread.

• Building Confidence Through Action

  • “Your real homework assignment is asking yourself, What do I actually want to do?” (Dr. John, 50:16)

Notable Quotes

• “It starts with you looking in the mirror, saying, hey, Shelly, I like you, and we’re going to start an adventure trying to find things that we actually love.” (Dr. John, 50:54)
• “Go first, be weird and know that you’re worth being friends with.” (Dr. John, 50:54)

4. Ending Cycles of Bickering in Marriage (55:33–61:21)

Money in Marriage Segment: Stopping the “Bickersons”

Listener Question

• Married couple asks, “How do we stop bickering after 25 years of marriage?”

Dr. John and Producer Kelly's Take

• Bickering is a Language

  • “Think of bickering as a language… You’re going to commit to learning a new language…” (Dr. John, 55:49)

• Practical Approaches

  • Respond with kindness, don’t react, pick up the towels, and treat your spouse as you would a guest or friend.
  • “There’s something about bickering where we are hoping our spouse will be something more than any human could ever be for us.” (Dr. John, 55:49)
  • Kelly shares that she chose to change her approach to break the cycle: “I just can’t get this mad about this every day... So let’s change tack and see how it goes." (Kelly, 61:04)

Notable Quotes

• “Bickering is a language. Pick a different language. Maybe one that is joyful, optimistic, kind.” (Dr. John, 61:21)

Memorable Quotes & Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• “You’re not broken in any way… your body’s working perfectly for what was laid out for it.” – Dr. John (07:19)
• “Get a dog… that will give you touch… responsibility… and over time, that you are lovable.” – Dr. John (13:25–15:36)
• “Walking away from a child almost never accomplishes what we want… it keeps us safe from our own hurts and our own pain.” – Dr. John (28:33)
• “Why don’t you think you’re worth being friends with?” – Dr. John (45:53)
• “Bickering is a language. Pick a different language.” – Dr. John (61:21)

Key Segment Timestamps

| Time | Topic/Caller | Key Theme | |-----------|----------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 00:05 | Andy (Single at 50) | Loneliness, touch deprivation, wrestling with trauma | | 10:00 | Romantic Intimacy & Faith | Sexual orientation & faith intersection | | 12:55 | Dog Therapy Advice | Practical step for touch & connection | | 21:11 | Lynn (Mother/Daughter conflict) | Parental estrangement, supporting children amid disapproval | | 38:15 | Mary Shelley (Young Adult) | Building friendships, self-worth, confronting loneliness | | 55:33 | Marriage Bickering | Cyclical relationship patterns, learning a new “language” |

Summary

Dr. John Delony crafts a safe, candid space for listeners to explore their deepest loneliness, intergenerational wounds, and hard choices in relationships. He provides both validation and practical steps—whether it’s getting a dog, ending a pattern of secrecy in therapy, bravely “showing up” for loved ones, or daring to shape your own weird, vibrant life. The through-line: No matter your wounds or present isolation, you are not broken—and there are steps, however small or uncomfortable, toward meaningful connection.

For anyone feeling isolated, overwhelmed by family dynamics, or unsure how to begin again—the empathy, humor, and actionable advice here are a balm and a starting point.