The Dr. John Delony Show – "Is My Boyfriend a Bad Parent?"

Episode Date: September 19, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)

Overview of Main Theme

This episode centers around nuanced challenges in relationships, mental health, and parenting, as listeners call in with deeply personal concerns. Topics include navigating differing parenting styles in blended families, encouraging mental health support in college fraternities, and guiding children through major life transitions. Dr. John Delony brings his characteristic direct, compassionate, and practical advice while promoting personal responsibility and open communication.

Key Segments & Insights

1. Navigating Different Parenting Styles in a Blended Family

[00:05–15:38]
Caller: Jay from Austin, Texas

A. Jay's Dilemma

• Dating a divorced man with three children for 10 months; has no children herself, but has a background in child development and extensive childcare experience.
• Struggles with partner’s and his parents’ discipline styles (notably spanking), bargaining tactics, and overall approach to parenting.
• Fears discord between her values and his parenting impacting long-term compatibility.

B. Core Discussion Points

Dr. Delony’s Approach:

• Challenges Jay to reflect on her lack of direct parenting experience, highlighting the distinction between theoretical knowledge and actual parenting.
  • "There's a huge difference between knowing about a thing and experiencing a thing. Huge difference." — Dr. John Delony [04:34]
• Acknowledges Jay’s extensive hands-on child experience and the depth it brings.

Main Disagreements:

• Spanking vs. Non-Violent Discipline ([05:12])

  • Jay expresses discomfort with spanking, especially if done in anger, linking it to her own traumatic upbringing.
  • Dr. Delony differentiates between a tap for safety (“hand away from hot stove”) and hitting out of frustration, urging respect for personal boundaries and values.

• Bargaining Rather Than Setting Boundaries ([07:18])

  • Jay notes her boyfriend often bargains rather than enforcing clear instructions, which she believes gives undue power to the children.
  • Dr. Delony agrees, calling Jay’s approach “world-class parenting” — letting kids make small choices within set boundaries.

Communication Between Partners:

• Jay has openly discussed her discomfort and personal history, explaining how certain discipline methods can have deeper psychological implications for children.
  • "I'm afraid that you are teaching your girls that someone bigger than them can love them and can cause them pain." — Jay [10:19]
• Her boyfriend responds emotionally and positively, expressing a desire to improve:
  • "You're right. I have to do better and I want to do better... Sometimes I act without thinking and we have to find a better way." — Jay’s boyfriend (as recounted) [10:44]

Dr. Delony’s Concluding Advice:

• Commends both for honest communication and commitment to self-improvement.
• Emphasizes that real change comes from emotional regulation in adults, not just parenting techniques.
  • "His behavior change is learning to regulate his adult emotions." — Dr. John Delony [11:35]
• Encourages continued self-work for both, mutual support, and alignment on values as the cornerstone of strong relationships.
  • "You putting, you continuing to speak your values...and him saying 'I want to get better at this'... that’s the stuff good relationships are made of." — Dr. John Delony [12:55]

Notable Moment

• Dr. Delony’s praise:
  • "Man, it sounds like this guy won the lottery with you... If he continues to put his words into action, that’s the good, good stuff." — Dr. John Delony [13:21]

2. Promoting Mental Health in College Fraternities

[15:39–29:29]
Caller: Chris, Social Chair in a fraternity

Main Discussion Points

Identifying the Problem:

• Fraternity’s “mental health chair” is a ceremonial role with no real impact, signaling apathy about wellness.
• Party culture often used as a coping mechanism, preventing members from addressing deeper issues.

Actionable Strategies:

• Leadership must model vulnerability by openly seeking mental health support.
  • "If I still need to go see somebody to process stuff, I want to make it okay for everybody else to go too." — Dr. John Delony [20:19]
• Work with university or local resources to reduce friction, i.e., make access to mental health care easier.
• Use fraternity funds to subsidize professional counseling if university resources are lacking.
  • "We're going to throw two less parties and...put that $5,000 towards covering counseling.” — Dr. John Delony [24:57]
• Replace symbolic positions with real action—financial support, resource partnerships, firm boundaries around unhealthy behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

• "When there's an official position that does nothing...it communicates there’s no value here from the top down." — Dr. John Delony [16:45]
• "Think in terms of action steps instead of ceremonial steps." — Dr. John Delony [24:56]

3. Moving with Kids: Handling Major Family Transitions

[29:30–43:05]
Caller: Andy in Los Angeles

Summary

Situation:

• Father of four boys under eight, preparing to move to live on multi-generational family property per in-laws’ invitation.
• Worried about impact of abrupt change, especially on his oldest son who struggles with transitions.

Dr. Delony’s Guidance:

• Reassures Andy that concern itself is a strong sign of good parenting.
• Advocates for transparency and intentionality in preparing children for change—rely on prior success with transitions as a teaching moment.
• Reframes the move as a unique opportunity: children learning through service, responsibility, and intergenerational relationships.
  • “What more amazing opportunity could you give them than to demonstrate...we’re going to take care of our elders.” — Dr. John Delony [35:24]
• Emphasizes honoring children’s feelings while modeling resilience and commitment to family wellbeing.
  • “Your kids don’t get a vote on the move...but you can steward their experience through support and empathy.” — Paraphrased from Dr. Delony [39:14–41:50]
• Affirms personal growth: Andy is actively "changing his family tree."
  • “You are changing your family tree.” — Dr. John Delony [41:50]

4. Email Bag: Is My (Ex-)Boyfriend’s Controlling Faith “Godly”?

[43:06–47:26]
Letter from Jessica in Ohio

Situation

• Middle-aged woman whose boyfriend of five years broke up with her over differences in boundaries for their children and expectations of “godly” wifehood (obedient, submissive, no “questioning” decisions).
• He became verbally dismissive, cussed (uncharacteristically), and expressed the need to “find someone else to deal with your emotions.”

Dr. Delony’s Take

• Vehemently urges Jessica to “run” from controlling, patriarchal relationships:
  • "A 'traditional godly wife’...does not mean you are somebody's servant. You don't get thoughts and autonomy and independence in your own emotions and feelings.” — Dr. John Delony [44:19]
• Rejects spiritual manipulation as a cover for domineering behavior.
• Encourages self-respect and independence.
  • "No, you’re not the problem." — Dr. John Delony [44:56]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parenting Without Experience:
  "I’m always fascinated by people who disagree with somebody doing a thing when they have never done that thing." — Dr. John Delony [02:39]
• On Modeling Mental Wellness:
  "It doesn't communicate weakness. It communicates an immense amount of strength.” — Dr. John Delony [21:03]
• On Family Change:
  "You are embodying changing your family tree. That's what this is." — Dr. John Delony [41:50]
• On Boundaries and Faith:
  "Run, run, run. I’m so sick of this cancer. A ‘traditional godly wife’...does not mean you are somebody’s servant.” — Dr. John Delony [44:19]

Timestamps Overview

• Jay on Blended Parenting: 00:05–15:38
• Chris on Fraternity Mental Health: 15:39–29:29
• Andy on Moving Family: 29:30–43:05
• Jessica on Controlling Faith: 43:06–47:26

Tone & Closing Thoughts

Dr. Delony’s style throughout is frank, respectful, and supportive, combining lived experience, research, and a strong advocacy for healthy relationships and boundaries. He empowers listeners to voice their values, model emotional intelligence, and make choices rooted in integrity and mutual respect.

Summary crafted for listeners or readers who want deep insight without hearing the full episode.