Dr. John (48:44)
Yeah. All right, man. Dude, thanks for the call, brother. That was tough. Tough, tough, tough, tough. Yeah. Get on the phone today and make some more calls. And I hate that. For your psych eval. That's just the state of mental health care in our country right now that you may, may, may. I guess school might be out, but you may be able to fast track one through the school system and get a psych eval. That way, it just depends on where you live and oh, man, what a mess that is. But I hate that for you. But yeah, transfer over and you may go check out her, her primary care physician and see if there's some additional help there. They often just want to throw tranqs at it or something. And so it just, I mean, it just depends. There's so much, so many variables here. But I guess the best I can tell you is, man, she's lucky to have you as a dad. Trying to love her the best you can in a really messy situation. Call anytime, brother. Call anytime. We'll be right back. 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Was it something you just did not talk about in her home? Only bad boys or girls talked about sex? Is. Was he shamed for talking about sex or making a joke when he was a kid? Just what was the. What was the atmosphere this person, I don't know if this is male or female, grew up with. That's number one. Number two, is there a sense of I'm not good at sex? You've had so much more experience than I have. If there's some. Some level of I feel inadequate or I don't even know what I'm talking about. And this often happens when one partner's experience in sex and one's not and someone just feels dumb. And so I just don't want to say anything. None of us want to feel dumb. And so I just want to talk about it. The what can I do? What I have found, and this reason I made these cards is I made an intimacy deck. And it's not a sex deck. There's questions about sex in it, but there's broader questions about it too, is to get something like questions for humans, something like some sort of external question card game, some sort of here's 20 questions, here's whatever that allows the question. The card becomes the awkward thing. The card becomes like, you didn't ask the question. The card did. And it allows us to move over the shame or the blame and be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that card asked that. Here's the answer, right? And it just, it frees you. And that's. I mean, that is the reason I made those cards, is to help facilitate conversations and take some of the pressure off. I guess the last thing I would say is a modified Deloney erotic envelope system, which, by the way, that doesn't exist. I just made that up. When couples are talking about how do we begin practicing desire or re establish. We got two kids and we're thinking about a third, but we're bored with our sex life, or we don't even have sex anymore, or we have sex every once in a while, just survival sex. But we don't have any intimacy in our house. We don't have any like any Eros or any play or any like, any of that kind of stuff. Just getting an envelope and one Partner writes down 10 things they want to try. It could be a position, it could be a conversation, it could just be anything. And the other partner writes down 10. And then once a week, once a month, whenever you just put on the calendar and you draw one and you just got to commit to either a trying it out, giving it a shot. And you're, you're leading with laughter, you're leading with curiosity, you're leading with, I don't even know how this is physically possible, but. Or you're leading with, all right, this doesn't even sound appealing. Tell me about why this feels appealing or why this sounds appealing. And it just becomes a way to go again, to go. I don't know. It's in the envelope and it just adds a little bit of diversion away from the intensity of saying, I really want to try X, Y and Z. It's just easier to read it off a card sometimes. But a modified version of that would be put in 10 questions you have about sex and intimacy. Put 10 questions you have. And we're not going to actually do the thing. We're just going to draw it out and talk about it over dinner somewhere. Somewhere. And for some people, this is just such a, such a sensitive topic. And millions and millions and millions of newlyweds, young married couples, people have been married for 20 years. There's so much shame associated with sex, so much shame with even talking about it, even discussing it, even having questions about it, that having some sort of environment where it's okay to talk about it. This is hard, man. So having some sort of envelope game, card game. And again, all we're trying to do is divert the gaze just a little bit and make it the card's fault, make it the envelopes question. Not your question. Right. Even if, you know, I know you wrote that, it still just has a little bit of a, of a, of a numbing effect. It just sands off the rough edges a little bit. And then I guess the final, final, final thing I would say is if you are. Someone might not feel safe talking about sex and intimacy if you have, as their partner, have made it not safe, if you make fun of them, if you mock them for what they do or don't know, for their over experience or lack of experience, if you force yourself on them or you make demands of them that they're uncomfortable with, that can just cloud the entire conversation around being erotic, around sex, around intimacy, around all that stuff. So look in the mirror and say, am I contributing to this? Am I making it awkward? Am I throwing all this stuff at my partner that they can't hold right now? And ask yourself that conversation too. But that's a few of my ideas on what you can do to help your spouse feel a little bit more safe talking about sex and intimacy? That's a tough one. Man or woman? I don't even know who asked this question, but I will say this if you can. If you all can come up with a way that you can talk about it, laugh about it, explore it, be curious about it, man, it makes for one adventurous, playful, fun, safe marriage. Thanks for the question. Love you guys. Stay out of trouble. Bye.
