Transcript

Dr. John DeLoney (0:00)

All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now we have February and October weekends on sale for the money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at 749 bucks a couple. Get yours@ramseysolutions.com getaway.

Caller Anne (0:25)

How do I trust my husband again after his phone went off? And I looked over at it and I saw it with a female co worker. I hey, you got a text. And he looked at it, dismissed it, And I said, oh, well, who was it? And he said, a different name, a guy's name.

Dr. John DeLoney (0:39)

Okay, this is a hard question I'm about to ask you.

Caller Madison (0:42)

Okay.

Dr. John DeLoney (0:48)

What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John DeLoney Show, Nashville, Tennessee. I'm a real person, not an AI bot taking calls from real people about real things that are going on in their lives. If you want to be on this show, talk about your mental and emotional health, your marriage, whatever you got going on, your kids, the world out there that has lost its mind, go to johndelony.com ask for you youngsters. That's a website and it's not on the Internet. I mean, it's not on the Instagrams. It's on the Internet. John deloney.com/a S K. Love to have you on the show. Let's go out to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvan, Pennsylvania, and talk to Anne. What's up, Anne?

Caller Anne (1:36)

Hi, how are you?

Dr. John DeLoney (1:37)

I'm great. How are you?

Caller Anne (1:39)

I'm good. Glad to be talking to you.

Dr. John DeLoney (1:41)

You do? What's up?

Caller Anne (1:43)

My question is, how do I trust my husband again after he was engaging in some flirty texts with a co worker? And he still has a. And he always did have a habit of lying about stuff.

Dr. John DeLoney (1:55)

What happened.

Caller Anne (1:58)

So he's always told little lies, and I thought they weren't a big deal, and they were. This happened last year. We were. We were in the car, it was his birthday, and he went out to get. Get out to get gas. His phone went off, he got a text. And I looked over at it and I saw it was a co worker, female coworker, which I didn't think anything of it. When he got back in the car, I said, hey, you got a text. And he looked at it, dismissed it, and I said, oh, well, who was it? And he said, a different name, a guy's name. And so I didn't do any. I didn't react at that time because I was shocked.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Husband Lied About His Relationship With a Coworker
Date: November 26, 2025
Podcast Network: Ramsey Network
Host: Dr. John Delony

Episode Overview

This caller-driven episode navigates some of the most challenging issues in relationships and mental health, with Dr. John Delony providing candid, compassionate advice. Major topics include chronic dishonesty in marriage, boundaries in dating where financial imbalance exists, and navigating family relationships after a loved one comes out as transgender. Dr. Delony’s style is direct, empathetic, and often encourages self-reflection, personal agency, and clear boundaries.

1. Caller Anne: My Husband's Chronic Lying and Flirty Texts

[00:25] – [13:00]

Key Discussion Points:

Anne describes discovering flirty and potentially suggestive texts between her husband and a female coworker. He initially lied about the sender's identity, then admitted to it when pressed.
Anne’s husband has a long history of telling “little lies,” which she initially dismissed but now sees as part of a pattern.
Despite therapy and promises of change, these minor untruths persist, deeply undermining Anne’s trust.

Memorable Quotes & Insights:

Dr. John Delony (03:33): “Why do you think so little of yourself?”
- He challenges Anne to consider her self-worth and why she tolerates chronic dishonesty.
Dr. John Delony (04:25): “Those aren’t flirty texts. Those are like, let’s go hook up texts.”
Anne (05:12): “I don’t believe he did anything more. There was nothing physical that happened. It was the lying. It was the not protecting our marriage.”
Dr. John Delony (07:52): “You don’t. You live with a pathological liar... You’re gonna either have to make peace with it...or draw some sort of ‘or what’ statement.”
On boundaries: Anne is repeatedly encouraged to stop minimizing and to either accept her husband’s lying or make a clear demand for change, with consequences if trust is broken again.

Dr. Delony’s Actionable Advice:

Pull both credit reports annually (“Just be sure there’s nothing you don’t know about.”) [09:17]
Emphasizes two choices: make peace with continuous lying or enforce a hard boundary (“If you lie to me again, I’m leaving.”) [08:31]
Suggests shifting response language: “Instead of ‘that’s not true,’ say, ‘You are a liar, and it hurts me that you make up something stupid about apples.’” [11:43]
Calls out enabling behavior ("Rolling over has worked for y’all. Y’all raised a kid, but I couldn’t live like that.") [11:55]

2. Caller Melissa: Financial Power Imbalances and Boundaries in Dating

[16:56] – [34:35]

Key Discussion Points:

Melissa is in a relationship marked by differences in financial stability: she’s the provider, while her boyfriend is in grad school and financially stressed.
She feels “emotionally undernourished” and wonders whether to wait for her boyfriend to become more available or to view this imbalance as a sign of incompatibility.
Melissa routinely lends him money and provides logistical and emotional support but is feeling increasing resentment.

Memorable Quotes & Insights:

Dr. John Delony (19:22): “There’s one big one... Women are attracted to somebody with some sort of potential or with a plan... But if you’ve given him a roadmap [for what you want emotionally] and he says ‘I don’t care,’ then that’s going to be the rest of your life.”
On Boundaries (23:47): “I don’t ever loan people I care about money. Ever. I’ll give it, or I’ll say no.”
Dr. John Delony (29:31): “Vulnerability and scary and courage and bravery is, ‘Hey, I want you.’... Needs are a way we take our internal cinder block and hand it to somebody else and say, ‘You make my emotional regulation and my choices and my feelings—it’s your job now’ instead of saying ‘I want.’”
On Compatibility (31:41): “When it comes to intimate relationships... the question that matters is: Will you go all in? And I will go all in. And the moment somebody starts to feel like, ‘Hey, I'm going all in, and you're not, or you’re using me for rent money...’ that’s not compatibility. That’s, ‘Will you or won’t you?’”

Dr. Delony’s Actionable Advice:

Shift from “needs” to “wants”—claim agency in what you hope for in the relationship instead of issuing demands (29:31).
Document the financial and logistical support you provide (“Write it down, so emotions don’t get wrapped up in it.”) [26:41]
Establish and communicate clear boundaries and expectations moving forward.
Use the frustration as a signal to re-examine whether the relationship dynamic is genuinely what Melissa wants long-term.

3. Caller Sean & Madison: Navigating Family Dynamics After a Sibling Comes Out as Transgender

[34:36] – [53:32]

Key Discussion Points:

Sean’s brother came out as a transgender woman via text, asking for new pronouns and a name and establishing no-contact with their parents after their harsh reaction.
Sean and Madison (his wife) want to maintain a relationship but are caught between supporting his sibling and their own values and pain from past familial hurt.
Sean is hesitant to respond, Madison urges compassion and fears further division.

Memorable Quotes & Insights:

Dr. John Delony (37:14): “The framework that I use for everything... I’m a Christian, and Jesus shows up with hurting people, and so will I. Anytime somebody comes out... the first response, always, I give is ‘I love you. Thank you for sharing that with me.’ Period.”
On Giving Grace (38:37): “Anytime I had college students coming out... I would always say: Your parents get some time... everything they thought they understood is suddenly different.”
Dr. John Delony (43:24): “No ideology is hurt... if they call somebody and say, ‘I love you. Thank you for sharing.’”
Dr. John Delony to the couple (46:47): “Here's what I'm hearing... Madison, I’m reeling with ‘I didn’t expect this of you.’... And the other side... Sean is thinking, ‘You too? I thought you were my ride or die.’... This kind of tension is okay and normal in a marriage, but unspoken is what causes big problems.”
Madison (45:23): “I feel like there’s been a lack of response, and I don’t want to push someone away... I just wish we could just talk to him and call him, I guess.”

Dr. Delony’s Actionable Advice:

Respond directly with love and appreciation for the sibling’s vulnerability (“I love you. Thank you for sharing this with me.”).
If maintaining relationship comes at the cost of one’s boundaries, communicate those respectfully, accepting the risk that it may not be received well.
Use these moments as an opportunity for marital growth—speak honestly about your own needs and feelings and avoid secrets and unspoken resentments.
On family values: “From this, if y’all will agree we’re never going to keep secrets, and when I have a big feeling... I’ll be honest with you about them. That’s going to help you all iron sharpen iron.” [53:26]

4. Other Notable Moments

Quote on Trauma (58:17):

Caller shares, “I vividly remember when I was 6 and my dad almost murdered my sister. As an aside, my therapist told me that that wasn’t trauma since it didn’t happen to me.”

Dr. John Delony (58:46): “If your dad tries to murder your sister, everybody in the club gets trauma. Everybody.”

Important Timestamps

[00:25] Anne discusses her husband’s flirty texts and lies
[03:33] Dr. Delony asks Anne a pivotal self-worth question
[07:52] Dr. Delony: Accept or set clear ultimatum about lying
[16:56] Melissa introduces her relationship's financial and emotional imbalance
[23:47] Dr. Delony on money and emotional boundaries in relationships
[29:31] On the language of “wants” vs. “needs” in intimacy
[34:36] Sean and Madison discuss sibling’s transition and family fallout
[37:14] Dr. Delony’s framework: compassion first, boundaries second
[45:23] Madison voices her struggle to Sean
[46:47] Dr. Delony analyzes the marital dynamic and communication needs
[53:26] Advice on honest feelings and marital unity

Summary Takeaways

On Infidelity & Lying: Chronic dishonesty, even over trivial things, erodes trust and must be addressed with firm boundaries and a clear sense of self-worth.
On Power Imbalances in Dating: Repeated financial and emotional support without reciprocation leads to resentment; defining and respecting personal boundaries is crucial for healthy intimacy.
On Family and Identity Change: When facing shocking news from family, lead with compassion and love, establish and communicate your own boundaries, and strive for honest communication within your marriage and larger family relationships.
General Wisdom: Dr. Delony emphasizes the importance of self-examination, clear boundaries, vulnerability, and the courage to ask not just what you “need,” but what you “want.”

This summary captures the central themes, advice, and emotional impact of the episode, with direct quotes and timestamps for clarity and ease of reference.