The Dr. John DeLoney Show

Episode: My Husband Weaponizes Scripture to Control Me
Release Date: June 25, 2025
Host: Dr. John DeLoney
Produced by: Ramsey Network

Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show, Dr. DeLoney delves deep into the intricate dynamics of relationships where scripture is misused as a tool for control. Addressing real-life challenges, Dr. DeLoney offers insightful advice to listeners grappling with emotional and spiritual manipulation within their marriages.

Caller 1: Nicole from Indianapolis

Topic: Husband Using Scripture to Demand Submission

Background: Nicole reaches out seeking guidance on how to handle her husband's demands for submission, which he enforces using Biblical verses. Married for nearly three years, she finds her faith important but feels undermined when her husband leverages scripture to end arguments and exert control.

Key Discussion Points:

• Misuse of Scripture:

  • Nicole: “He's often used the Bible verses about wives, submit to your husbands and to end our arguments.” [00:27-02:07]
  • Dr. DeLoney: “Yeah, it's like taking a Bible and hitting you in the mouth with it.” [02:07-02:16]

• Emotional Toll:

  • Nicole describes feeling dismissed and unvalued, especially when her husband prioritizes video games over household responsibilities, leading to prolonged arguments.

• Impact of External Influences:

  • The husband consumes media from the "Manosphere," which reinforces his controlling behavior.
  • Nicole: “I'm learning the word Manosphere.” [11:31-11:40]

• Dr. DeLoney's Insights and Advice:

  • Identifies the behavior as abusive and stresses the importance of reclaiming autonomy.
  • Encourages seeking support from counselors and trusted friends.
  • Emphasizes the need to view such manipulative tactics as unhealthy and to make empowered choices for personal well-being.
  • Dr. DeLoney: “You need to reclaim your autonomy.” [12:32-12:43]
  • Advises on setting clear boundaries and preparing for difficult conversations about the relationship and future.

Notable Quote:

Dr. DeLoney: “This is a radically abusive, distorted view of all sorts of good things used to wield power, and it just makes me sick to my stomach, dude.” [05:02-06:23]

Conclusion of Call: Nicole expresses relief and gratitude for the support, acknowledging the difficulty of her situation and the importance of feeling less alone.

Caller 2: Kelly from Kansas City, Missouri

Topic: Overcoming Guilt and Shame from a One-Night Stand Leading to Single Motherhood

Background: Kelly shares her journey of coping with guilt and shame after a one-night stand resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. As a single mother working multiple jobs, she struggles with feelings of inadequacy and fears about her son's perception of his conception.

Key Discussion Points:

• Emotional Struggles:

  • Kelly recounts her loneliness post-divorce and the subsequent poor decisions that led to her pregnancy.
  • Kelly: “Walking out of my house every day feeling like I had a giant scarlet letter A on my forehead.” [24:57-25:30]

• Impact on Daily Life:

  • Balances multiple jobs and shares a small apartment, feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities and emotional weight.

• Dr. DeLoney's Insights and Advice:

  • Validates her feelings, affirming her as a good mother despite the circumstances.
  • Suggests practical steps to build self-worth, such as daily affirmations with her son and preparing for future conversations about his father.
  • Encourages embracing her role wholeheartedly and utilizing available resources like Financial Peace University and supportive literature.
  • Dr. DeLoney: “You're a good mom.” [25:37-26:04]
  • Recommends holding her son's face and expressing love to regulate his nervous system and reinforce his sense of security.

Notable Quote:

Dr. DeLoney: “You need to hold his face and say, 'I'm so glad that God picked me to be your mommy.'” [28:52-28:53]

Conclusion of Call: Kelly gains a sense of hope and direction, feeling supported and understanding that she is not alone in her struggles. She commits to implementing Dr. DeLoney's advice to foster a positive environment for her son and herself.

Caller 3: Stephanie from Franklin, Tennessee

Topic: Navigating a Relationship with Her Late Friend's Husband

Background: Stephanie updates Dr. DeLoney on her relationship with her late friend’s husband. Initially hopeful, she faces sudden emotional turmoil as he abruptly distances himself, leaving her confused and heartbroken.

Key Discussion Points:

• Initial Connection:

  • Stephanie and her late friend's husband connected post-divorce, sharing grief and building a tentative relationship.
  • Stephanie: “We had talked a lot about, you know, are you sure you're ready? It hasn't been a year yet.” [38:27-40:14]

• Sudden Distance:

  • As the anniversary of her friend's death approaches, he withdraws, leading to uncertainty about his feelings and intentions.
  • Stephanie: “He stopped responding.” [42:00-42:02]

• Dr. DeLoney's Insights and Advice:

  • Acknowledges her pain and the cowardly nature of his withdrawal.
  • Encourages her to focus on personal strength and the positive aspects of her relationship rather than self-blame.
  • Suggests writing a one-year letter to her late friend and maintaining honesty in future conversations.
  • Dr. DeLoney: “You get to be the author of the stories you tell yourself.” [48:46-48:59]
  • Emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and not letting heartbreak define her.

Notable Quote:

Dr. DeLoney: “You are defined by doing something that was in violation of your own values to being a great mom.” [31:19-32:27]

Conclusion of Call: Stephanie receives empathetic support and actionable advice to navigate her emotional pain, encouraging her to seek healing and maintain her strength despite the unexpected challenges in her relationship.

Key Takeaways and Insights

1. Misuse of Religious Texts as Control:
   Dr. DeLoney highlights the detrimental impact of using scripture to dominate or manipulate within relationships, emphasizing that true faith should promote mutual respect and understanding.

2. Emotional Validation and Support:
   A recurring theme is the importance of recognizing and validating one’s own feelings. Dr. DeLoney consistently provides empathetic support, reinforcing the callers' self-worth and encouraging them to seek necessary help.

3. Practical Strategies for Healing:
   The episode offers practical advice, such as daily affirmations, setting boundaries, seeking counseling, and utilizing supportive resources to foster personal growth and emotional well-being.

4. Empowerment and Autonomy:
   Empowering listeners to reclaim their autonomy and make informed, courageous decisions for their futures is a central focus, encouraging individuals to break free from abusive patterns and build healthier relationships.

5. Compassionate Storytelling:
   Dr. DeLoney encourages listeners to reframe their narratives with compassion, fostering resilience and a positive self-image despite past mistakes or ongoing challenges.

Conclusion

The Dr. John DeLoney Show effectively addresses complex emotional and relational issues with compassion and practical wisdom. By providing a safe space for callers to share their struggles and offering actionable advice, Dr. DeLoney empowers listeners to navigate their personal challenges with resilience and hope.