My Husband’s Addiction Grosses Me Out - The Dr. John Delony Show

Transcript

Emily (0:05)

My husband has been using nicotine pouches for a couple years now, and I just find it really, really gross.

Dr. John DeLoney (0:16)

Number one, I think Kelly is setting me up here, so mine is out now and I can have this conversation more honestly. What's going on? This is John with a Dr. John Del Baloney show, taking calls from hurting people, regular people, fun people from all over the planet, talking about their mental and emotional health, their marriages, whatever they got going on in their life. Let's go out to Portland, Oregon and talk to Emily. What's up, Emily?

Emily (0:50)

Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

Dr. John DeLoney (0:52)

I'm great. How are you?

Emily (0:53)

Honestly, I'm a little cold because I'm sitting in my car and it's, it's like four degrees, so.

Dr. John DeLoney (1:00)

Four.

Emily (1:02)

Something like that.

Dr. John DeLoney (1:03)

That is unconscionable. That is too cold. Said this Texan Nashvillian. Jeez, that's freezing. Well, thanks for braving the cold for the call here. What's up?

Emily (1:13)

Yeah, so I wrote in because my, my husband has been using nicotine pouches, like the Zyn pouches for a couple years now. And I guess before that he was vaping and I really didn't like the vaping, so he switched to the pouc. And I just find it really, really gross. And I don't want him using nicotine. And. Yeah, I just want to know if there's any way I can convince him to stop.

Dr. John DeLoney (1:46)

Number one, I think Kelly is setting me up here. Number two, I am going to take my nicotine patch out that I have in my mouth right now. Stand by. All right, so mine is out now and I can have this, this conversation more honest. So. All right, so you said a couple of things here that I want to double click on. Okay, sure. So what, what is his. When he, when he tries to paint you this rosy picture of nicotine, what is he, what is he trying to do? What is he telling you?

Emily (2:24)

Well, he tells me that he, he thinks it's good for him. He thinks it's like he's self medicating, maybe for adhd. And he says, you know, it makes me a better husband and a better father and like, it just makes his mind sharper and he likes to use it if he's stressed, but, you know, then he just pretty much uses it constantly, all the time.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Husband’s Addiction Grosses Me Out
Date: March 23, 2026
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)

Overview

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show centers on listeners grappling with complex emotional and relational challenges, including addiction within marriage, trust after infidelity, and navigating guilt and identity shifts related to career and family. Dr. Delony provides practical and empathetic advice, helping callers dig beneath surface-level frustrations to address core issues—such as childhood wounds, self-worth, and vulnerability.

1. Emily in Portland, OR: Husband’s Nicotine Addiction and Disgust (00:05–16:47)

Key Discussion Points

Emily’s Challenge:
Emily finds her husband’s use of nicotine pouches repulsive and feels it’s a sign of weakness, intensifying her struggle to respect him. Both of their families have a history of addiction, which informs her emotional response.
Emotional and Moral Layers:
Emily admits her aversion is both visceral and tangled with deeper beliefs—feeling her husband's reliance makes him "weak" and perhaps reflects on her as a wife.
Personal and Family History:
The issue is compounded by the fact that both Emily’s and her husband’s parents suffered—and in his case, died—from addiction (nicotine and alcohol), creating a highly charged environment when addiction surfaces.
Rooted Insecurity:
Dr. Delony uncovers a core belief Emily holds: that her loved one’s use of substances equates to a failure on her part to provide peace and safety in the home.

“The story I'm choosing to make up is there was something wrong with me when I was a little girl that was so bad that my parents had to drink just to survive my presence.” (Dr. John Delony, 08:03)
Addiction as Symptom, Not Root:
Dr. Delony emphasizes that addiction often arises as a coping mechanism for deeper wounds or dysregulation—especially for those with fragile nervous systems from trauma-laden childhoods.
Misplaced Responsibility:
He reassures Emily the responsibility for her parents’ and husband’s addiction never rested on her.

“Your parents did not struggle with alcohol because of you, period.” (Dr. John Delony, 08:41)
Path Forward: Vulnerability in Marriage:
Dr. Delony encourages honest dialog with her husband about her made-up stories, giving him room to respond and fostering trust—rather than policing his choices.

“How do you want this home to feel when you walk in?... Ask him.” (Dr. John Delony, 10:59)
Personal Peace:
Emily acknowledges that, despite marrying a good man, she struggles to feel at peace herself—a state she’s been chasing since childhood.
Action Steps:
- Write a letter to her 7-year-old self—“Let that girl off the hook” (Dr. John Delony, 13:53)
- Consider joint exercises and conversations for building trust and new narratives.
Notable Quote:

“Peace… a guy that just tells the truth and… takes care of the home… that is going to feel unknown to your body. It's going to feel foreign.” (Dr. John Delony, 12:42)

Memorable Moment

Dr. Delony humorously admits to his own struggle with nicotine products, then gets vulnerable:

“And now I’m a raging addict. It got me. Right. And there is no amount of bending the truth that I can say what I’m doing right now is healthy for me. It’s not.” (Dr. John Delony, 15:24)

2. Dale in Kentucky: Trust After Infidelity & Divorce (20:22–36:00)

Key Discussion Points

Dale’s Story:
Reeling from a recent divorce after his wife cheated, Dale struggles to trust and open himself to love again.
Backstory:
Quick relationship progression. Wife had troubled background and prior marriage. Early marital strains related to job loss and financial insecurity.
Guilt, Grief, and Overthinking:
Dale describes overanalyzing decisions and blaming himself for the marriage’s breakdown.
Validation of Pain:
Dr. Delony normalizes Dale’s trauma, comparing the loss of a job to grieving a person and validating raw distrust as an appropriate, protective response post-betrayal:

“We have a psychology of people stab us in the back. We do not have one when people stab us in the face. And you got stabbed in the face.” (Dr. John Delony, 29:01)
The Path to Healing:
- Allow himself to grieve, not rush into new relationships.
- Rebuild trust through small, slow steps and practice.
- Self-forgiveness: let go of self-blame anchored to the illusion of control.
“Forgiveness is you choosing to say, I am no longer going to carry what you did to me anymore.” (Dr. John Delony, 33:31)
Tools:
- Write a letter to his younger self to move toward closure and compassion.
- A cinder block metaphor for literally and figuratively putting down past hurt.
Insight:
Healing isn’t about not feeling pain, but about choosing responses to those feelings—especially intrusive “lightning bolt” memories.

“My body doesn't know fantasy from fiction, from reality. And it will respond with shame, rage, anger to that movie that I'm allowing to play over and over in my mind.” (Dr. John Delony, 35:47)

3. Kelly in Texas: Guilt Over Leaving Dream Job for Family (39:37–57:16)

Key Discussion Points

Kelly’s Journey:
Walked away from his “dream job” as an aerial firefighter to prioritize his wife and children, but continues to feel persistent guilt and loss of purpose.
Identity Loss:
Delony reframes guilt:

“Guilt is a good feeling when you violate your own values. I believe you did not violate your own values here.” (Dr. John Delony, 44:34)
Ego & Identity:
The struggle is less about guilt and more about losing an identity tied to job title and purpose:

“If your identity is ever in a title, your identity is very, very fragile.” (Dr. John Delony, 45:18)
Unfinished Grieving:
“Cheating” on himself by following his old career online is likened to following an ex on social media—difficulty making a clean break and moving forward.
Purpose-Driven Life:
Dr. Delony urges Kelly to find the through line of purpose in his life, connecting to service and helping others, which can be expressed in new ways and contexts.
Restoring Wholeness:
Invites Kelly to be honest about the hole in his chest and urges him to seek fulfillment by serving locally, joining teams, or mentoring—even if it means time away from family.
Notable Quote:

“The greatest gift you can give your wife and your children and your family is to be whole.” (Dr. John Delony, 52:00)
Letting Go:
Emphasizes the need to unfollow the “old life,” find meaning where he is, and not mistake seasonal roles for forever states.

4. Listener Success Story: Journaling & Reducing Anxiety (58:08–59:11)

Highlight

Listener Kim shares how a journaling practice inspired by the show’s United States of Anxiety series helped her uncover and heal hidden roots of anxiety, leading to over 400 consecutive days of journaling and more open conversations with others.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

“Your parents did not struggle with alcohol because of you, period.” – Dr. John Delony (08:41)
“Peace… that is going to feel unknown to your body. It's going to feel foreign.” – Dr. John Delony (12:42)
“We have a psychology of people stab us in the back. We do not have one when people stab us in the face. And you got stabbed in the face.” – Dr. John Delony (29:01)
“Guilt is a good feeling when you violate your own values. I believe you did not violate your own values here.” – Dr. John Delony (44:34)
“If your identity is ever in a title, your identity is very, very fragile.” – Dr. John Delony (45:18)
“The greatest gift you can give your wife and your children and your family is to be whole.” – Dr. John Delony (52:00)

Timestamps for Key Topics

Emily’s Call: The Roots of Addiction Aversion – 00:05–16:47
Dale’s Call: Healing and Trust After Betrayal – 20:22–36:00
Kelly’s Call: Purpose, Identity & Letting Go of Dream Job – 39:37–57:16
Listener Win: Journaling for Healing – 58:08–59:11

Tone & Style

Dr. Delony combines humor, vulnerability, and deep empathy. He gently challenges callers’ assumptions, invites self-compassion, and offers clear, actionable tools—all while maintaining a relatable, conversational style.

Takeaways

Untangling the roots of emotional responses—especially around addiction—often illuminates childhood wounds and misplaced responsibility.
Healing from betrayal requires slow rebuilding of trust, permission to grieve, and intentional forgiveness—for oneself and others.
Identity and purpose can’t be anchored solely to roles or titles; instead, aligning with core values and service brings lasting fulfillment.
Simple, consistent self-care practices (like journaling) can unearth healing and resilience.

This episode delivers rich, actionable insights for anyone struggling with addiction in the family, romantic betrayal, or identity transitions—offering not just answers, but also real hope for healing and connection.