The Dr. John Delony Show – December 22, 2025

Episode: My Husband’s White Lies Are Ruining Our Marriage
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)
Main Theme:
This episode focuses on real and nuanced conversations about relationships—specifically tackling issues like chronic lying within marriage, healthy confrontation, boundaries with in-laws who cross the line, and how to talk to your kids about sex in religious families. Callers bring deeply personal dilemmas, with Dr. Delony guiding them toward courageous, empathetic, and practical responses.

1. Approach to “White Lies” in Marriage

Caller: Jade
Segment Starts: 00:05

Main Issue

Jade asks how she can confront her husband’s long-standing habit of telling seemingly insignificant lies without it feeling like an attack, noting he struggles with confrontation and emotion.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Patterns and Origins of Lying

  • Jade describes her husband as ex-military, current law enforcement, and emotionally reserved.
  • She’s noticed “little things that would get elaborated on,” dating back to their friendship as teens.
  • Lying seems to serve his need to look better or protect himself, even over trivial things (05:23).

• Deeper Root: Self-Worth

  • Dr. Delony highlights that beneath small lies, especially ones that “make absolutely no sense,” there may be nagging issues of low self-esteem:
    • “You see a guy who doesn’t love himself as much as you love him.” (07:06, Dr. John Delony)
    • Jade strongly agrees.

• Shift the Frame: For You, Not Against Him

  • Dr. Delony encourages Jade to reframe the confrontation as an act of love and self-care:
    • “I want to change it from against him…to for you.” (06:27, Dr. John Delony)

• Cumulative Breakdown

  • Even “insignificant” lies can erode intimacy:
    • “It’s not death by a .50 cal—it’s death by BB gun.” (08:54, Dr. John Delony)
    • “I am losing the ability to stay anchored to you, not because I don’t love you, but because I can’t love you more than you love yourself.” (09:03, Dr. John Delony)

• Practical Roadmap for Conversation

  • Lead with Personal Vulnerability: “The most powerful people who use power well and long term always go first.” (12:15, Dr. John Delony)
  • Invite, Don’t Attack: Jade should begin, “I always lead with judging you instead of being curious about you. And I’m sorry.” (13:05, Dr. John Delony)
  • Acknowledge Possible Shared Patterns: Recognize if she’s replicating his childhood dynamic (“I feel like I’m his mom”), and apologize for it with genuine intent.
  • Set Structure: Propose a specific, screen-free conversation, ask him to just listen, and plan a follow-up after he’s had time to process (19:53).

• Important Boundaries and Safety Checks

  • If Jade suspects infidelity, serious financial issues, or feels unsafe, this vulnerable strategy isn’t the best approach (15:29).

Memorable Quotes

• “Have I created a world where he doesn’t feel like he’s enough?…I’m not giving him a pass…but if you lead first in this situation and you’re honest…I don’t know another path that would be more genuine.” (14:33, Dr. John Delony)
• “Going first…is such a display of strength and power. It’s walking up to a guy with a sword and saying, ‘I could cut you with this. I’m going to lay it down because I don’t want to fight. I want to be together.’” (16:52, Dr. John Delony)
• “Thank you so, so much…your desire to continue loving this guy and also saying, ‘I can’t be in a house where everybody lies to me.’” (20:46, Dr. John Delony)

2. Talking to Kids About Sex in Religious Households

Caller: Colton
Segment Starts: 22:43

Main Issue

Colton, a father of adolescent boys, is anxious about how and when to have “the sex talk,” especially given how damaging secrecy and shame around sex were in his own upbringing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Normalizing Openness and Affection

  • Dr. Delony urges parents to model healthy physical affection:
    • “You need to have affection for your wife that makes your teenage boy roll his eyes.” (27:31, Dr. John Delony)

• Demystifying the Conversation

  • The ‘sex talk’ should not be a one-time event but an ongoing dialogue.
  • Lead with humility and vulnerability: “You take him out and you tell him…this is your dad being honest with you in a way I’ve never been honest before.” (26:12, Dr. John Delony)
  • Use actual anatomical words—penis, vagina—without shame or embarrassment.

• Combatting Shame and Misinformation

  • Name the elephant: kids today are exposed to sex early via peers and the Internet.
  • “Social media and pornography is a horrific place to learn.” (30:40, Dr. John Delony)
  • Teach that pleasure and curiosity are natural but best expressed in healthy, respectful contexts.

• Inclusion of Both Parents

  • Both mom and dad should be involved, normalizing language around sexuality and body parts.
  • Example: “When your 13 year old son comes down in gym shorts and no underwear, her being able to say, I can so see your penis. Go put on underwear.” (32:10, Dr. John Delony)

• The Role of Faith Communities

  • Dr. Delony laments how churches and religious traditions have unintentionally forced kids to learn about sex from damaging sources.

Memorable Quotes

• “The greatest gift you can give him is an expression of healthy intimacy, not sexuality…two people who would burn the world down for each other.” (28:27, Dr. John Delony)
• “I have not had the talk with my kids…it is an ongoing conversation that goes on all the time.” (36:52, Dr. John Delony)
• “You are teaching your kids you’re always a safe place. You’re always going to be curious first.” (38:42, Dr. John Delony)

3. Navigating Disrespectful In-Laws and Protecting Peace

Caller: Nicole
Segment Starts: 40:31

Main Issue

Nicole’s father-in-law became drunk and verbally confrontational in her home. Her husband failed to intervene. Now, with holidays approaching, she’s unsure if she should allow her father-in-law back or how to proceed.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

• Boundaries and Partner Responsibility

  • Dr. Delony: “The next right step is for your husband to go sit with his dad and say, ‘You did this to my wife…’ Nobody raises their voice and points their finger at my wife at my kitchen table, period.” (43:11, Dr. John Delony)
  • Nicole’s only responsibility is to maintain her boundary; her husband must take the next action.

• Refusing Emotional Manipulation

  • Dr. Delony calls out the true source of pressure: “Your father in law is not pressuring y’all. Your husband is pressuring you.” (44:53, Dr. John Delony)
  • Unless and until her father-in-law acknowledges his behavior and offers a genuine apology with promises to change (especially regarding alcohol), Nicole is under no obligation to allow him back.

• Understanding Generational and Emotional Dynamics

  • Acknowledges husband’s reluctance may be tied to his childhood dynamic:
    • “As soon as his dad gets going, your husband turns into a six-year-old boy again.” (46:34, Dr. John Delony)
  • Urges compassion but asserts: “I don’t want your dad continuing to come between us. His dad…made choices…and he gets to own the path back.” (49:30, Dr. John Delony)

• Prioritizing Peace over Illusions of Family Unity

  • “You’re going to feel…bad because your husband’s not with his dad over the holiday season. But I’m willing to bet your home will have more holiday peace than it’s had in years.” (51:01, Dr. John Delony)

Memorable Quotes

• “As for me and my house, I don’t walk on eggshells anymore around anybody.” (48:14, Dr. John Delony)
• “I love the idea of a husband…having the opportunity to put his shoes on, his boots on and stomp all over the eggshells. Because I ain’t walking on eggshells anymore.” (52:15, Dr. John Delony)
• “Nobody comes in my house and disrespects my wife.” (52:20, Kelly)

4. Bonus: Listener Story & Reflections

Segment Starts: 53:46

• A listener shares how Dr. Delony’s “Questions for Humans” card decks inspired her to create an Advent marriage calendar for her brother and his new wife, aiming to help them avoid some of the struggles in her own marriage.

5. Overarching Tone & Approach

• Direct, empathetic, and practical
• Emphasis on vulnerability, going first, and owning your part
• Willingness to challenge both cultural norms (“what you read on TikTok won’t help here”) and family-of-origin patterns
• Consistent message: true intimacy is built on curiosity, humility, and the courage to set and hold boundaries—even, and especially, when it’s uncomfortable

Summary Table of Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 07:06 | Dr. John Delony | “You see a guy who doesn’t love himself as much as you love him.” | | 08:54 | Dr. John Delony | “It’s not death by a .50 cal—it’s death by BB gun.” | | 12:15 | Dr. John Delony | “The most powerful people who use power well and long term always go first.” | | 13:05 | Dr. John Delony | “I always lead with judging you instead of being curious about you. And I’m sorry.” | | 27:31 | Dr. John Delony | “You need to have affection for your wife that makes your teenage boy roll his eyes.” | | 28:27 | Dr. John Delony | “The greatest gift you can give him is an expression of healthy intimacy, not sexuality…” | | 36:52 | Dr. John Delony | “I have not had the talk with my kids…it is an ongoing conversation that goes on all the time.” | | 43:11 | Dr. John Delony | “Nobody raises their voice and points their finger at my wife at my kitchen table, period.” | | 44:53 | Dr. John Delony | “Your father in law is not pressuring y’all. Your husband is pressuring you.” | | 48:14 | Dr. John Delony | “As for me and my house, I don’t walk on eggshells anymore around anybody.” |

Perfect for listeners who want actionable strategies for confronting hard truths in relationships, this episode is filled with wisdom about self-worth, healthy boundaries, and breaking cycles of shame and avoidance—delivered with Dr. Delony’s trademark candor and care.