My In-Laws Are Ruining Christmas (Help)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John Delony Show – "My In-Laws Are Ruining Christmas (Help)" (December 24, 2025)

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid Christmas Eve “Ask Me Anything” (AMA) special, Dr. John Delony, Kelly, and the Ramsey Network team tackle a gamut of listener questions about navigating the holidays—especially the sticky family situations and traditions that come with them. With their trademark humor, warmth, and practical wisdom, they share stories, set boundaries, and swap ideas for keeping the holidays sane, inclusive, and meaningful. Topics range from dealing with political talk at the dinner table, to gift giving amidst income gaps, to how to honor lost loved ones, all the way to the great “Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?” debate.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Family Conversations & Setting Holiday Boundaries

• Main Issue: Listeners ask about managing divisive topics like politics and current events during family gatherings.

• Ben’s Approach:

  • Proactively communicates boundaries in advance, often via an email listing off-limit topics:

  “We send an email about what our travel plans are...and then I put in the email things we will not talk about...We're not going to talk about politics.” (Ben, 02:59)

  • Encourages not casting people in “a movie they don’t know they’re in” by holding them to unspoken expectations.
  • If someone insists on breaking boundaries (“If you come to my house, I talk about whatever I want”), you’re empowered to opt out as an adult.

• Kelly’s Tactic:

  • Simply removes herself from conversations she doesn’t want to be a part of or takes a break by going on a drive with her son.
  • Notes that most of her family agrees on some topics but sometimes she just doesn’t want to discuss them.

  “I just usually move rooms...I'll just, like, ease my way out of the conversation...Sometimes I wish that I could drink, but I just move rooms.” (Kelly, 05:04)

• Takeaway: Proactivity and clear, kind communication are critical; it’s okay to physically remove yourself or pre-negotiate conversational boundaries.

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2. Surviving Housefuls of Family Over the Holidays

• Planning Ahead:

  • Set expectations about guest stays far in advance—ideally months earlier.
  • If compromise is needed, suggest a shorter stay or a trade-off like a retreat after family leaves.

  “Your sanity begins way upstream...In September, when y'all start talking about the holidays. Not waiting till December.” (Ben, 06:57)

  • If a long stay is inevitable: Find activities to recharge—errands, drives, movies, hobbies.

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3. Gift-Giving & Income Discrepancies

• Guidance:

  • Set and stick to a low dollar limit to ensure fairness and minimize discomfort.
  • If you’re the one with fewer means, give freely within your limits and don’t let others’ choices add pressure.
  • If you’re more affluent, don’t “come over the top” with lavish gifts to outshine others.

  “If you happen to be in a season of blessing and you're making good money and the rest of your family isn't, don't be that guy...I made Christmas about me, not them.” (Ben, 24:17)

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4. Honoring Loved Ones Lost During the Holidays

• Creating Space for Grief:

  • Suggests family write short memorial notes or poems to share at the beginning of the gathering.
  • Acknowledges the loss out loud and celebrates the person with stories, laughter, and sometimes recreating favorite recipes (and laughing if they flop).

  “Pretending that person's not there is a nightmare...It's about putting it on the table and then giving everybody an action that they can do to participate.” (Ben, 25:11) “There's a missing person. And we're gonna tell stories and laugh...and just be okay with that.” (Kelly, 26:21)

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5. Classic Christmas Debates & Traditions

• Top Christmas Movies (09:04)

  • Ben: “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (favorite), “Christmas Vacation,” “Die Hard” (yes, it’s a Christmas movie, strongly affirmed).
  • Hallmark/Lifetime-style movies are admitted holiday “guilty pleasures” for others in the family.
  • Animated specials like original “Grinch,” “Rudolph,” and “Klaus” on Netflix get strong endorsements.

• Best & Worst Christmas Carols (14:21)

  • Ben’s least favorite: “Little Drummer Boy.” (“Few things make me question whether God is real than when I hear the Little Drummer Boy,” 14:21)
  • Kelly’s least favorite: “Mary Did You Know?”
  • Favorite: "Up on the Housetop" and whole “Nightmare Before Christmas” soundtrack.

• Food Traditions (30:14)

  • Ben loves sweet potatoes with marshmallows, green bean casserole, and Jello salads.
  • Least favorite: pressed ham.
  • Kelly dislikes peas, loves Jello salad.

• Dating & Family Gatherings (32:47)

  • Age and seriousness of the relationship matter when deciding whether to bring a significant other.
  • Ben jokes he enjoys the awkwardness new partners bring.

• Divorce & New Traditions (40:23)

  • The first Christmas after divorce (or the loss of a family member) will be painful and different; accept that change, don’t use kids as pawns, and expect sadness/grieving.

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6. Memorable Quotes & Lighthearted Moments

• “There's like, a level below Hallmark. Like, Hallmark is, like, Oscar level writing compared to...I guess Lifetime is kind of the porny Christmas ones.” (Ben, 10:37)

• "Traditions...can be great and sometimes they can feel like an obligation." (Ben, 36:37)

• On gift-giving:

  • “Telling your kids that Santa is real is not lying to your children. Get over it. Relax.” (Ben, 51:42)
  • “Gift cards are both thoughtful and lazy. It depends on the spirit behind it.” (Kelly, 55:19)

• “You can take the reindeer in people's yards and stack them up in a way that makes it look like they are making sweet, sweet love...That was one of my favorite holiday traditions.” (Ben, 43:23)

• On awkward in-laws situations:

  • “You get to practice having everybody mad at you. And welcome to being married.” (Ben, 38:56)
  • “Embrace the awkward. Christmas is going to be awkward and stretchy and weird...” (Ben, 39:51)

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Notable Timestamps

• Setting boundaries with talkative in-laws: 02:59–04:47
• Evading heated holiday topics: 05:47–06:47
• Handling large holiday family stays: 06:47–08:48
• Die Hard as a Christmas movie debate: 08:57–10:35
• Best and worst Christmas Carols: 14:21–17:17
• Coping with loss during the holidays: 25:04–27:19
• Gift giving when money is tight: 23:36–24:54
• Bringing new partners home: 32:47–35:52
• First Christmas as a married (or divorced) couple: 38:47–41:56
• Tradition stories & chaotic family hijinks: 43:03–46:29; 58:45–59:27
• Santa conversation for kids: 51:38–52:41
• Are “Home Alone” parents the worst ever?: 68:12–69:55

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Episode Tone & Language

The episode maintains a lighthearted, bantering tone—often self-deprecating and playful (“I'm so proud of you,” Kelly, 11:38; “Why'd you bring her? Like, well, we were making out and I thought it'd be good to bring her to Christmas,” Ben, 34:40)—even in the midst of genuine, heartfelt advice about family tensions, grief, and creating new traditions. The advice is both pragmatic and empathetic, never shying away from the difficulties the holidays can bring.

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Conclusion

The episode weaves together fun Christmas debates and personal stories with practical advice for managing the very real challenges of the holidays, especially around family dynamics, grief, traditions, and boundaries. Whether you’re looking for permission to set limits, ideas for surviving with your sanity, or just some laughs about dysfunctional family traditions, this AMA is packed with wisdom and holiday spirit.

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Transcript

[Kelly]

My in laws always want to talk about politics and current events when we get together. How can we set boundaries and keep the conversations civil over the holidays?

[Ben]

What do you guys do?

[Kelly]

Well, we. Because both of my parents are gone, and so.

[Ben]

Wow, way to bring down a room. This is Christmas Eve, Kelly. Jeez. Ho, ho, ho.

[Kelly]

It's Christmas Eve.

[Ben]

Christmas Eve. Why are you listening to this podcast right now? You should be eating too much, hanging out with your families, or like millions of people hiding in a closet at a relative's house. You don't want to be at listening to a podcast. I'm glad that you're here. I wish you weren't here, but I'm glad that you are here listening to the show. This is our annual Christmas Eve Christmas is around that day. Ask me anything ama where Kelly 1.0. Grandma Kelly and the gang have curated a whole bunch of questions, and they're gonna just drop them on me and we're gonna have a good time, Kelly. You guys all look festive back there.

[Kelly]

Thank you. You don't.

[Ben]

This is my festive Christmas shirt.

[Kelly]

Your best, most specialist black Christmas shirt.

[Ben]

I picked the most specialist black Christmas shirt out of my closet. This makes me feel Christmassy inside, all warm and fuzzy. So stupid. Oh, my gosh, look at this. There's so much Christmas decor. Or as Starbucks calls it, what do they call it? I don't know. Holiday day.

[Kelly]

Holiday. Yeah. Yeah. They don't say Christmas.

[Ben]

Well, Merry Christmas, everybody. Happy holidays, whatever thing will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. We're glad you're here. All right, Kelly, so let it rip, I guess, huh? How do you want to kick this off, Everett?

[Kelly]

Well, I've got a bunch of questions I'm going to ask you, all right? And then you can choose if you want to just answer them yourself or if you want to make it a all skate.

[Ben]

Are those your devil horns?

[Kelly]

They're reindeer antlers.

[Ben]

I feel like everyone gets to see what.

[Kelly]

Look at that.

[Ben]

Wow.

[Kelly]

But I'm afraid I'll give you a seizure if you have to watch that.

[Ben]

That's fair. So that's fair.

[Kelly]

All right, you ready for the first one?

[Ben]

In case you are wondering, this is what I see in my mind when I look through the glass and she's glaring at me. I just see the horns go. They grow up. I think you should wear these all the time.

[Kelly]

It's Christmas. We're being friendly and nice and.

[Ben]

Oh, all right. Go for it. Go for it.

[Kelly]

All right, first question. Now, these were sent in from our listeners by the way we did an ask on social.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Kelly]

So these are all listener questions.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Kelly]

My in laws always want to talk about politics and current events when we get together. How can we set boundaries and keep the conversations civil over the holidays?

[Ben]

I got this from my wife and it's the greatest thing ever. We send an email about what our travel plans are. And then I put in the email. She sent it the first year to teach me how to be a grown up. This was not that long ago, but now I will put in the email things we will not talk about. And I put it in there. So during co is like, we will not talk about COVID We will not talk about, I don't know, whatever conspiracy theory. A couple of them are fun, but not these conspiracy theories. We're not going to talk about, blah, blah, blah. We're not talking about politics. And I, at least I got to give my family credit. I've seen somebody or I've experienced somebody launches into something and. And then another person polices it and they're like, no, Johnson, we're not talking about that. And they all look at me and you know what? I don't care because we're not talking about that. So that's the big thing is I always want to give people I, I want. I want to know that I was clear. Not just like, you've heard me say this. Not just cast somebody in a movie that they don't know they're in and they get mad at them for saying the wrong lines. Often when I go to holidays or any kind of thing, I have this way, this is going to play out in my head and it doesn't. And then I get mad that they didn't act right. So I like to just take full ownership of it now. And if they want to say if I had a family that was like, if you come to my house, I talk about whatever I want to, then I get to be a grown up and not go to that house. But that's how we handle it in our house. And it has worked to my family's credit all around. And by the way, my family and I, we all vote different. We all have different opinions on whether somebody actually landed on the moon, whether essential oils work or not. We have all kinds of different opinions and they've been pretty amazing about sticking to that.

[Kelly]

That's great.

[Ben]

What do you guys do?

[Kelly]

Well, we. Cause both of my parents are gone and so.

[Ben]

Wow, way to bring down a room. This is Christmas Eve, Kelly.

[Kelly]

Jeez. All right, go ahead, Marcy. So For Thanksgiving, we get together with my in laws, and then for Christmas, we do Christmas at our house. Usually just us. That conversation I can at least control. There you go. But no, there's not a lot of control at my in laws house. So I just drink a lot. No. But it is a time sometimes that I wish that I could or that I still did. No, I just usually move rooms, you know? Cause there's always. I mean, there's like 25, 30 people there. So I'll just, like, ease my way out of the conversation. And what's. I mean, we all typically vote the same. We all tend to fall on the same side. But I just get tired of it. I'm like, oh, I just don't want to talk about this anymore. And so I just kind of meander elsewhere. Or like, my son will say, hey, mom, you want to go for a drive? Yes, I do.

[Ben]

Yes, I do.

[Kelly]

Yes.

[Ben]

And by the way, this is. This is a. This is me being a coward. This is me being weak. This is me preemptively coming up with a strategy. And I. This is all the way back to when I worked with my college students. My wife and I intentionally. I do not tell her who I vote for, and she does not tell me who she votes for. I'm pretty sure I know, and she's pretty sure she knows, but we do not say it. So that when I was with my college students, I could say, dude, my wife doesn't even know who I vote for. I'm not telling you. And when I'm with my family and they're like, right, right. And I tell them, my wife and I don't talk about politics. We don't talk about candidates or who did what. And so I'm not talking about that with you. And that is a very intentional thing that we do in our house. And so, yes, I could be like, I'm standing on my ground. I'm not. I'm not. That's a personal decision for me. So there you go.

[Kelly]

All right, question number two. My wife invites her family from out of town to stay with us for a week. How do I keep my sanity with all of these people in the house?

[Ben]

Your sanity begins way upstream. In September, when y' all start talking about the holidays. Not waiting till December. You start talking about in September, saying, hey, let's have a. This is. Let. Let's ask ourselves this question. How do we want the house to feel during the holidays? Well, I want it to be full of laughter and fun and family and cool. What about you laughter and family and fun and cool. Great. How do we get there? And then you have to have the courage to say the last few years, family stays a week. And after day three, I feel like they don't want to be here. You struggle. I struggle. What would it look like if we did for three days this year and then you and I went on a weekend retreat to, or a weekend getaway to like, whatever, something like that. But it's having that conversation way before we get there. If none of that works and she's like, nice try, bucko. My family's coming for the whole week. They have and they always will. Whatever. Great. Then you get to be a grown up. And by the way, just suck it up. It's a week. Good grief. Just roll your eyes when your father in law wants to talk about what it, like, it's fine. Or like you said, go on drives, plan a hunting trip, pick up a, I don't know, whatever. Like, oh, I got it. We. I told you last year when y' all were getting with family, Kelly, if there needs to be a podcast emergency, just text me and I'm there. I'll, I'll show up for you.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Sometimes I have to run a lot of errands, a lot of unexpected errands.

[Ben]

That's part of it.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And by way, it happens every year. So if every year you're surprised that you're in a bad mood again, that's on you. It's going to happen. If it's going to happen. So be a grown up about it, have some fun or come up with some things to do, take the kids to the movie or whatever. So it's, it's just doing that. It's just choosing. I'm not going to, I'm going to do things to not be miserable here.

[Kelly]

All right, question number three, top five Christmas movies.

[Ben]

Die Hard.

[Kelly]

That answered my next question. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie followed by Die Hard?

[Ben]

Actually, nope, I'm going to air it, slap it up, flip it and reverse it. My number one Christmas movie of all time, without a doubt. There's not even a close second. Not even a close second. The Nightmare Before Christmas by Tim Burton. Number one. I went to see that in the theater with Melissa D back in the day when I was in ninth grade. I love that movie. It's the most creative, inventive, wonderful, amazing. All of it is perfect. It's perfect in every way. I love that. Followed by this is a secret I've never told on the show. One of my dad's childhood best friends, Randy Quaid. They were. They were great buddies in high school, and they used to pick on this little brother named Dennis Quaid. Kind of awesome. But my. So Christmas vacation, obviously, is number two. When Uncle Eddie rolled in, and my dad was like, I know that guy. And I would have been like, hey, guys, before we watch this movie, guess what? I know a famous person. That's not how my dad rolls. He's like, I know that guy. And so Christmas vacation followed by Die Hard, Die Hard, and then Die Hard, and then whatever romantic Christmas comedy my wife wants to watch. Those are also my favorites. They're not, but they just become my favorites over the holidays. And this year, guess what we're doing. Talking about. You get to choose. My wife said that my daughter's 9, and she's kind of into these. Those little, like, just. Are you kidding me? Christmas.

[Kelly]

Like Hallmark movies.

[Ben]

There's, like, a level below Hallmark. Like, Hallmark is, like, Oscar level writing compa. Is it, like, Lifetime or. I don't know. It's beneath. It's. It's not. No. I guess Lifetime is kind of the porny Christmas ones. This one is like, oh, that's.

[Kelly]

I don't. That's a sentence I never want to hear uttered again.

[Ben]

Porny Christmas. But just like. Like. Like, oie. Like Christmas. So probably Hallmark. That's probably it. Like, it's like, JV Hallmark, but my daughter's got into them. And so my wife was like, I want to sit on the couch for, like, five straight days and watch these with Josephine. And I was like, great. Hank and I are going to the woods, and we'll provide for this family, and y' all do whatever y' all are gonna do, so it's gonna be great for us.

[Kelly]

I would rather set myself on fire than watch a Hallmark Christmas movie.

[Ben]

I know. Even though your romantic life is so, like, straight from one. No, no, no, that's true. That is true. There's so many jokes I'm not making right now. Go to the next one.

[Kelly]

I'm so proud of you.

[Ben]

Yes. Die Hard as a Christmas movie. Next. Okay, how is that a debate? The whole thing's at a Christmas party.

[Kelly]

I know, but it is. So Chris Wright, who leads our team, he was a huge Die Hard fan.

[Ben]

And he also guitarist.

[Kelly]

Guitarist extraordinaire. Part of. Of our band of bands that never win the. Sorry, Ben. He had not seen this, so I sent him a link, and he bought it. There's a Advent calendar that starts on December 1st, and it's Hans Gruber falling down Nakatomi Plaza, and you move it down one every day until he hits the ground on Christmas Day. That feels great.

[Ben]

That feels a little bit sacrilegious, like struck by lightning.

[Kelly]

No, it's. No, not.

[Ben]

Dear Jesus, thank you for being born. And that's fair.

[Kelly]

It's great, though.

[Ben]

It is. It's good.

[Kelly]

All right, next question. Which Grinch movie is the best? And I think we're considering three Grinch movies here. You got the OG Dr. Seuss cartoon. You've got the Jim Carrey Grinch, and you got the recent. Within the past, what, five, six years cartoon with Benedict Cumberbatch. It's like Grinch Light. It's like the nicer Grinch for little kids.

[Ben]

Yeah. It goes in the order you just said them. The OG Cartoon followed by I love all. I just think Jim Carrey is a national treasure, and I'm a Jim Carrey fan through and through. And then followed by whatever nonsense remake Hollywood did because they have no courage to start new franchises.

[Kelly]

That's fair. Yeah, yeah. Although I would put the Jim Carrey one first.

[Ben]

That's fair.

[Kelly]

It's just such a great movie.

[Ben]

It is, but there's something about that one, that weird Abominable Snowman, the Rudolph show that I watched when I was a kid, that's like Claymation. Yeah, those. Those are just, like, etched into my.

[Kelly]

We watched the Bumble Is His Name, by the way. The Bumble. But we have a. A DVD pack tells you how old it is. But it's.

[Ben]

It's for you young kids. They used to put YouTube videos on metal. Metal discs and mail them to you. That used to happen that way, but alas.

[Kelly]

But we have. It's Rudolph and Frosty and what, like Little Drummer Boy and whatever. But it's a whole set. And my kids, since they were tiny little. Still, every year we have to watch those. They still. So. Those are still so still popular.

[Ben]

They're in the best.

[Kelly]

Okay, last one before we take a break. I know the answer to one of these. Favorite Christmas Carol and least favorite. I mean, we all know your fave. 100%, Little Drummer Boy.

[Ben]

I think. Few things make me question whether God is real than when I hear the Little Drummer Boy. Come on. And you know what? By the way, I live in Nashville, which is home to the, like, the St. James family, to. For King and Country, that whole family. They're awesome, good. And everybody always is like, yeah, yeah. But what about For King and Country's.

[Kelly]

Version is pretty awesome, though?

[Ben]

I.

[Kelly]

You know, What?

[Ben]

I've seen them play live and they're astounding how good they are. And there's only so much polishing of a steaming pile of dog chotch that you can do. And so for whatever, like, they. They gave it their good college try. And I love those dudes. They are awesome, great human beings. I love it. And that song, like when people are like, AI is going to take over and destroy humanity, I'm like, well, that's the same group of people that wrote the Little Drummer Boy. So maybe that's what we get. That's what I think about that song.

[Kelly]

My thought is always, yeah, that's what Mary was looking for.

[Ben]

Harumpa pum pum.

[Kelly]

You know, I have a sleeping infant. Please come play the drums.

[Ben]

Yes. Go. Idiots. That's the most man thing.

[Kelly]

Yeah, that's exactly what every mother of a newborn wants. Check out.

[Ben]

Hey, lady, check out my drum solo.

[Kelly]

Gosh, dude, bring a casserole.

[Ben]

Do nothing. Stay out in the parking lot, smoke a cigarette like a. Like all of our granddads did. Don't come inside with a drum kit and be like, all right, newborn, check this out. So stupid. Oh, that's a terrible song.

[Kelly]

Still not as bad as my least favorite in the world.

[Ben]

What is yours, Mary?

[Kelly]

Did you know? You know what? She knew.

[Ben]

She didn't.

[Kelly]

It's in the Bible. The angel came down, he told her it was a whole thing. Mary knew.

[Ben]

Did you know? Did you know? You 14 year old. Yes. Young little girl. She knew that you're suddenly pregnant. What? What?

[Kelly]

She knew there's a whole thing in the Bible. He told her.

[Ben]

That's like the greatest mansplaining song of all time. Did you know? Yes, he told me. I know. But did you like know?

[Kelly]

Did you really know?

[Ben]

Yes. I don't think you really knew.

[Kelly]

I mean, the angel Gabriel came and told her song pisses me off. All right, let's go to. Oh, favorite Christmas carol.

[Ben]

What did I say last year?

[Kelly]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Ben]

All right, I'm just going to say the one that's on the top of my. Of my soul right now. All of the songs, all of them on the Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack. I love that soundtrack. And. But if we're going to go classics up on the housetop, reindeer paws out jumps Good.

[Kelly]

That's right. I think you said that one.

[Ben]

I love that song. I love it. I don't know why. I just sing it when I'm by myself sometimes, even in the summer. I just love it. Makes me feel happy. Out jumps good old. It makes me think of, like, kind of a little bit overweight, but kind of like a. Like a fit Santa. He just jumps on out and he's like, hey, right? I don't know. Just makes you think of Santa's like, hey, buddy, I don't know.

[Kelly]

Have you seen the Christmas Chronicles on Netflix with Kurt Russell? Okay. By the way, great, great current Christmas movie, but Kurt Russell is Santa, and he's pretty amazing Santa because he's Kurt Russell. So maybe it's that Santa.

[Ben]

I will also say this. This is not good for your kids. The movie Bad Santa with Billy Bob Thornton. Hilarious.

[Kelly]

That is a great movie. Also not good for your children in any way, shape or form. Fat man with Mel Gibson.

[Ben]

I don't know that. Oh, my gosh.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Not appropriate. It's. It's like very violent, but it's so good. Great Christmas movie.

[Ben]

Also violent Night. Violent Night with David Harbour. The tagline is seasons beatings. In case you're wondering, Ben is the reason we have better help as a sponsor. He's not doing great.

[Kelly]

And one of my favorites is Krampus.

[Ben]

Krampus, what's that?

[Kelly]

Krampus.

[Ben]

Krampus.

[Kelly]

You don't know what Krampus is?

[Ben]

Oh, the. The really cool, artsy one.

[Kelly]

No, Krampus was a demon.

[Ben]

Oh, okay. Not that one. Yeah, what's the Christmas one that's out right now? We watch it every year now. It's my kids. It's my kid's version of that. That Abominable Snowman one that I watched. It's really beautiful. It's artistic. It's a. But it's about the kid that gets sent away to be the postman.

[Kelly]

Oh, Claus.

[Ben]

Claus.

[Kelly]

Oh, we love claws.

[Ben]

What a magical.

[Kelly]

It is such a great. David Spade is so great as the voice of.

[Ben]

It is a magical Christmas show.

[Kelly]

What is it? J.K. simmons Claus.

[Ben]

Yeah, we watch that with our family every year. We love it.

[Kelly]

Also on Netflix, A Boy Called Christmas.

[Ben]

A Boy Called Christmas.

[Kelly]

Delightful. It's wonderful. It's really kind of that same, like, Nordic feel to it. But yeah, Claus is a great, great animated.

[Ben]

Claus is great for the famous, but I'm that up to my number three.

[Kelly]

Krampus is so back. Like, we're talking like 16, 1700s.

[Ben]

I told y' all she was old. I hate you told y'. All.

[Kelly]

I think the folklore was either that they were brothers or whatever, but it's.

[Ben]

Basically as we call folklore, as she called the Daily News. Go ahead.

[Kelly]

Seriously, y'. All it was Santa Claus, you know, gave gifts and stuff to good boys and girls. Krampus, who is it? Looks a little like what, Like a demonic goat, some might say. Okay. He would take bad boys and girls, put them in a sack, beat him with a stick, and then take them to hell. And parents would use it for like a. Well, if you're not good, then this is. But still, over in like, Austria and stuff, they have like Krampus parades and everything.

[Ben]

In case y' all are wondering, how did Kelly end up on the mental health show?

[Kelly]

Here it is.

[Ben]

Ta da.

[Kelly]

I have a stuffed Krampus doll.

[Ben]

I could just see you telling your kids. And then Krampus came and stuffs the bad kids in a sack and beats him with a stick and takes him to hell. You choose, kids. Ah, Mom. Ah. And then your horns grow up. That's awesome. All right, if you're still with us, we'll be right back. I'm super excited to tell you about my newest partners Cove. Cove is a smart, affordable home security company with the mission of helping you protect your family. For less than a dollar a day, the holidays can make your home a target for thieves and porch pirates. But Cove cameras stream live video and audio directly to your control panel and your phone so you can see and hear what's happening at your house in real time. That kind of clarity and control over your home can help give you peace of mind even when you're away from traveling for the holidays. Cove lets you customize your security system with a quick online quiz so you only get what your home actually needs and not a bunch of extra stuff that cost you so much more. Setup is simple. You can do it yourself and it usually takes like 30 minutes. Every cove system comes with a 60 day risk free trial, and December is the perfect time to protect your home with COVID Cove is offering an exclusive holiday sale just for my audience. Visit covesmart.com and use code Deloney at checkout for up to 80% off your first order. 80%? That's the easiest decision you're gonna make this year. Go to covesmart.com and use code Deloney. Let me talk to you about my friends at Hallowed. We're over halfway through Advent, and while we're supposed to be slowing down, we've got work parties, shopping and travel plans, not to mention family drama. And all of our regular rhythms are buried under a to do list. Here's some good news. There's still time to slow down and focus on what matters heading into the new year. Hallow has a great way to re engage your prayer life before Christmas with a brand new challenge called Ocom O Come Emmanuel. Starting December 16, you'll join singer Lauren Dagel, actor Mario Lopez, and Michael Isander, who plays David in the Amazon series House of David. You're going to join all these folks and more for a daily series of prayer, meditation and music leading up to Christmas. They'll walk you through the powerful hymn Om Emanuel and show you how each verse reveals something new about Jesus. Don't let these last few days get swallowed up by noise and chaos and errands. Spend some time in prayer and in peace with Hallow. Right now, you can get three months for free at hallow.com DeLoney Go check it out. It's for free. That's Hallow. H A L-L-O-W.com DeLoney all right, we are back. You shouldn't be, but if you are, we're glad you're here. All right, Kelly, Ama, let's keep it rolling. All right, Keep it rolling.

[Kelly]

How do we handle gift giving with my family when there are huge income discrepancies between us?

[Ben]

Set a low dollar amount and stick to it. And if you are on the lower end of the discrepancy, if you're both teachers and you have a brother who's a doctor and your parents are, I don't know, they own Yellowstone or whatever, what's the name of that guy in the movie, in the TV show? Kirk? Kevin Costner.

[Kelly]

Dutton.

[Ben]

The Dutton. Yeah. If you're, if that's your in laws or whatever. Great. You give with your full heart and you give the best you can and you get to choose to not let those other things get onto you. And that's a choice you make. And it's a hard choice and yada yada. But. And if you happen to be in a season of blessing and you're making good money and the rest of your family isn't, don't be that guy. And that's. This is the pot dog in the kettle. I've been that guy and I've come over the top. Like, look at all this gifts I can give everybody. And it ruined it. It ruined it. And because I made Christmas about me, not them. And I'm not doing that.

[Kelly]

Especially when you give. We've seen this happen before, gifts to like somebody's children.

[Ben]

Yeah, totally.

[Kelly]

That their parents can't, could never do. They could never do that. So that's another thing to keep in mind. But if there's a, if There's a limit set. Stick to it.

[Ben]

Stick to it, man. And go watch that Office episode where Michael Scott gets the ipod and tries to give it to Ryan. That's so great. So good. But anyway.

[Kelly]

All right, next question. How do we handle the first holiday season after the unexpected loss of a loved one?

[Ben]

Here's my pitch. And I've seen this work. Really effective if everybody can be on the same page. Everybody's going to write a small memorial poem letter, and then you read it and you share it. Because pretending that person's not there is a nightmare and trying to awkwardly navigate. So it's, it's about putting it on the table and then giving everybody an action that they can do to participate. And people can say, I don't want, I don't want to be a part of it, but I'll listen to it. And that's great and good. And if people want to, don't, they're like, we're not reading letters. We're not doing that. You know, this is grandma's house and granddad passed away. I'm not doing that. Whatever. Great, cool. You don't have to do that. But getting with one or two with your siblings or with your kids or whatever. But we're gonna do a small thing to honor that person who's not here, which is we're gonna put on the table, we're gonna feel it, and then we're gonna enter into the season.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Like I said, having lost both of my parents. And then two years ago, my mother in law passed away and she was the matriarch of the family.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Everybody loved her. And you have to just call it. I mean, you have to call it out and not try and do the. Everything's fine, everything's normal. We're gonna go on with all the normal stuff.

[Ben]

There's a missing person in this.

[Kelly]

There's a missing person. And we're gonna tell stories and we're gonna laugh and we're gonna try to recreate her cookies and we're gonna screw it up and we're all gonna laugh about it and we're gonna tell all the fun stories. Remember when she. And there's gonna be a lot of tears and a lot of laughter and just be okay with that.

[Ben]

Be okay with that. It's part of it.

[Kelly]

But don't try to make it all look the same.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

Because it doesn't. And then it's just weird for everyone.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

And then it's just. It's worse. So just dive right into it.

[Ben]

Let Me call this. I'm an overdramatic guy. I like big, big gestures, right? So I like everybody reading a story or something about the person or a letter or whatever. It can be as simple as, hey, we're going to round up the family, and I'm going to say a quick prayer before our meal. And I just want to say, we're all missing. We're all missing mom or we're all missing dad, and. Or if you're not the praying type, you get in a circle before dinner, and everybody say, okay, let's. Let's give a toast. And everybody, let's cheers to Grandma's not here. And, like. But it's some sort of acknowledgment.

[Kelly]

All right, I think this one's really interesting. Is it wrong to sell the gifts that you got to get out of debt? If so, or if I do that, do I owe the gift? The person that gave me the gift, any of the money.

[Ben]

It'S yours. You're a terrible person. But, yeah, sell away. No, dude, sell it. I'm. It's yours, it's yours, it's yours.

[Kelly]

Do you owe the gift or an explanation or like a, hey, I just want to let you know, especially if it's like, your, you know, grandma or something, I don't know.

[Ben]

I'll call her out on this show. So after. After I. My last book, I got everybody who was a part of the. The book getting out into the world a nice gift, and I got everybody, like, really nice Goruck backpacks, right? And those are super expensive. And I didn't get a deal. Like, I bought them. I went and bought them, and I bought a whole bunch of them, and they were to give out to everybody. Well, my. The person who runs social media for me, who is to be unnamed, Lauren, she got hers. And it's not. It, like, it is not a. A feminine thing at all, right? In no way did this fit her aesthetic at all. Like, she's beautiful. She's young. She's like, oh, my God. Like, and getting a Goruck backpack was not her thing. Well, I saw her a few days after that, and she's like, oh, my gosh, I had no idea how nice this was. I sold it on, like, next door or ebay or whatever, and I got this much money, and I was like, you do what? And here's the thing. A, I got her a gift she didn't ask for. B, she took that gift and sold it. Which I was like, are you serious? You did that? A, B, you told Me and C. She used that money for whatever she wanted to. That's her world. That's awesome. And she's still a great friend of mine, so it's like a. It is what it is. What it is. Do your thing. If I think it would be hard if my grandma got me something, I. I would have a hard time selling that. I would. And yet I have a hard time owing people money. So it. You know, that kind of thing.

[Kelly]

You really got out of not answering that? Pretty much. No.

[Ben]

Sell it.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Ben]

Sell it.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Ben]

And you live with the ramifications of having sold it. So if your Grandma bought you a 500 leather jacket that she thinks is so cool that she knew you're gonna love, and you're like, oh, gosh. And you really need 500 to get your car paid off finally. And she's gonna ask you, how's that jacket working out? You're gonna have to have that conversation, because you're not gonna lie. I'm not gonna tell you to do that. So you got to weigh that.

[Kelly]

All right. Favorite dish at Christmas.

[Ben]

Oh, man. You know what I love at Christmas? My favorite thing about Christmas is it takes healthy food and makes it insanely unhealthy.

[Kelly]

Add butter and gravy and all that stuff and do.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

Yeah. The things I love as unhealthy as possible.

[Ben]

Number one, without a doubt, I love sweet potatoes, and I love them with like a 4 inch layer of jumbo marshmallows.

[Kelly]

Okay. So because we do the. The pecans and brown sugar one. I know some people do marshmallows, so it's going to ask which one you like.

[Ben]

All of that whatever other ways you can juice up vegetables and make them as. Take them as far away from their healthy. From the ground origin. The other thing I love is green bean casserole. That is green beans. And also, I don't know what they put on that stuff. Cheese and cream and pretzels and soup and. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

[Kelly]

It's so good.

[Ben]

Whatever shenanigans is in that, that makes it almost unrecognizable as this was once in the ground somewhere. Yeah, I love that. I love that.

[Kelly]

What is your least favorite dish that's always on the table?

[Ben]

I am so done with pressed ham. I'll eat it. I'm just. It doesn't look like real.

[Kelly]

Pressed ham. Like the stuff that's in a can.

[Ben]

No, no, we don't eat canned meat.

[Kelly]

Well, nobody should.

[Ben]

Cue the banjos. Kelly. What do y' all eat now? I'M talking about like the.

[Kelly]

It's like a. Oh, like a spiral cut.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kelly]

Oh, God, I love one of those.

[Ben]

Oh, they're delicious.

[Kelly]

Especially like a honey baked with that crust a little.

[Ben]

I know. And they're full of sugar. They're delicious. But I'm kind of over them. I'm kind of over them.

[Kelly]

That was a bad answer.

[Ben]

What is your least favorite?

[Kelly]

My in laws. There's always like one of their big things that they do is peas, and I hate peas, so.

[Ben]

Oh, I got another dish that I love. Jello salad.

[Kelly]

Oh, heck yeah. We. I make a cranberry jello salad that.

[Ben]

It'S like candy on the bottom and then pretzels and then just a layer of sugar and then a layer of like.

[Kelly]

More candy.

[Ben]

Yeah, more candy and then jello. Yes, yes. That's the way Jesus intended us to eat that stuff.

[Kelly]

All right, last question for this segment. How long do you have to date someone before you bring them to the family Christmas events?

[Ben]

That's a great question. I'm gonna go with age on that one. If you're. You know what, I don't know though, because there's always that like 38 year old cousin you have. It's like, I met Janet yesterday and bringing her to Christmas and you're like, well, good. Thanks, dude. But there's like, if you're, if you're 28 and you meet somebody and y' all been dating for six months, of course, bringing a Christmas. If you're 18, don't do that. That's just weird because now everyone's like, oh, hi. And she's sitting there in her jeans and like, tried to dress up nice but clearly doesn't fit. And you're like, hey, hi. What are you studying? Like, I'm studying molecular biology. You're like, okay, you're too smart for it. Like, I don't know. So I think, I think it's age dependent and. But I don't, I don't know. There's a time on how long you've been dating. What do you think?

[Kelly]

I don't, I don't know that I have a good answer for that either. I, I'm trying to think.

[Ben]

But I also, I love with all my hearts awkward and I love packed full houses.

[Kelly]

You usually bring the awkward.

[Ben]

I do. So I also, when someone does roll in with somebody, like, who is that? I actually super love that. I don't love it for them because I know how awkward that is for them. But like, oh, man, you just made this weird Cousin. This is gonna be a fun night. So I like that part too.

[Kelly]

You would.

[Ben]

I know. I love it.

[Kelly]

But I mean, I can remember like my high school college boyfriend and going to their house for Christmas and it's so awkward. Cause you don't know the foods are not the foods you're used to. You don't know their traditions. You don't know the. It's not just mom and dad. It's like everybody in the family. Yeah. And they're all, you know, they're all scoping you out.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

It's so awkward. But it's also what makes it fantastically horrible. And that's the stories you tell. Remember that weird girl that you know so and so brought?

[Ben]

Why'd you bring her? Like, well, we were making out and I thought it'd be good to bring her to Christmas. It's just so, like, so weird. Right? What an unnecessary thing. She didn't want to be here and y' all didn't want her here, so I thought she should come. Like, that's just so awkward, man, that I kind of love it. I'm not kind of. I super love it. But anyway, Al says, like, I, I also think there's a, a thing where it flips a younger age. Like if my 15 year old or 16 year old son was dating somebody, I would love for him to bring her. Like, so there's like a, there's like a gap. Don't bring your weird college boyfriend home. That nobody like, don't do that. But like, if you're a kid, I love that. And if you're older, it's gonna be awesome. So I kind of like that too. But I, I, I don't know. I love the awkward of Christmas stuff, of gatherings, like the fact that we have to get together just simply because somewhere along the way we had a relative that mated with another relative and somehow we're. I made that weird. Sorry, I shouldn't have said mated. Like they're kangaroos. But like, somewhere along the way, people made humans and were somehow derivatives of each other and we have to get together. I love that. I love that.

[Kelly]

Yeah. All because I went on a date with a guy and fell in love with him. Now I have to go.

[Ben]

I'm in your family now.

[Kelly]

Y' all don't have a choice. This is what it is.

[Ben]

Here's the real question. The real question is, how do you handle divorce? Because if we get divorced, is his cousins still my family?

[Kelly]

No.

[Ben]

If y' all have a kid together. Yes, yes, yes.

[Kelly]

But I don't know that you necessarily holiday together anymore. Not for a few years at least. That'd be weird.

[Ben]

I think you show up. I think you show up and embrace the awkward. And speaking of awkward, we'll be right back. This show is sponsored by Better Help. I want to talk about traditions. Traditions are things you do every week or every year, and they can be great and sometimes they can feel like an obligation. The holiday season is a great time to reflect on holiday traditions, the valuable ones and the not so valuable ones. Therapy can give you space to think about the old traditions that may not be serving you anymore and help you consider how you might create new ones. And if you're thinking about therapy this holiday season, I want to recommend my friends at Better Help. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists and they're one of the leading online therapy providers in the world and they're trusted by millions of people. They have an average rating of 4.9 stars out of 5. They're just great. BetterHelp is totally online, so it's easy to fit into your busy holiday schedule. To get started, just answer a few simple questions and they'll connect you with a licensed therapist who fits your needs. If it's not the right fit, you can change therapist at any time for no extra cost. This month, start a new tradition by taking care of you. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H lp.com DeLoney all right, we are back with the Christmas Eve. Why are you listening to this ama. We're glad you're here.

[Kelly]

You know, maybe this is someone who needs a minute from the family.

[Ben]

I. I know. I'm actually like, I know why you're listening to this.

[Kelly]

They're hiding for a little bit and they're going to listen to this and then they're going to go back. So.

[Ben]

Or, and this is me being honest, so much loneliness is exposed during the season, Right? You don't have people to go hang out with. You're at home and like, man, like, you're by yourself. It's Christmas Eve and you're by yourself and you've got to get up and go to work tomorrow.

[Kelly]

Right? And then we're glad to hang out with you.

[Ben]

I'm super glad that you're with us. Yeah. So there you go. Glad you're here, man.

[Kelly]

All right. This is our first Christmas as a newly married couple. How do we start our own traditions without alienating our families?

[Ben]

Your families don't get a Vote. You decide what you want your holidays to look like and then you begin practicing having everybody mad at you.

[Kelly]

And welcome to being married.

[Ben]

You get to practice. I, I think a lot of especially younger married couples have this idea like, this is the way you do Christmas and then you marry somebody, they're like, no, this is how you do the holidays. And it's like, no, this is how you realize, oh, the way we did it growing up was just a way. And then you get to make. Make your way. I personally think you just have to go through two or three or four years of awkward, and I don't like that. And that wasn't fun and that wasn't comfortable and that was awesome. And you got to just navigate that and it will change over time. And you throw kids into the mix and then your parents have a vision of Christmas that they've had in their head for 20 years and it's. They're going to be mad that it didn't come true and yada yada, but it's just awkward, fun and stretchy and weird and ask yourself, how do we want to feel the day after Christmas? And try to reverse engineer that.

[Kelly]

And half the times you do things and you don't realize they were even become a traditions until like, I, my son said that before. He's like, you know, we do this every year. It's like a tradition. I'm like, we did realize that.

[Ben]

You know, I just had that the other day. I was, I reached out to a buddy and I was like, hey, Hank and I are going to be in town. We'd love to come out to the ranch, whatever. And the response was like, we do this every year. I was like, oh, this is your five. This is a tradition. We've done this five years in a row. This is awesome. So, yeah, there's something cool to that.

[Kelly]

All right. Kind of the other side of the story. This is our first Christmas after the divorce.

[Ben]

Ruh roh.

[Kelly]

How do we handle splitting the traditions that our family has created? So, you know, every year on Christmas Eve, we go to Christmas Eve service or we go see Santa. How do you split that with two sets of parents and who gets to be the one that does that?

[Ben]

Yes. There's. In a perfect world, you have two people who got divorced who can still act like adults. And that rarely happens. I know you could say, we want to make sure if you have kids that our kids experience this. That's rare. Especially the first year in divorce is usually when one tries both people are trying to prove like, we're gonna have the best Christmas, and we're gonna make. And so it's just. It's a messy thing. I think it's up to you to say, I want to make sure my kids have peace and they have laughter and they have good experiences, and to do whatever you possibly can to not use your kids as a competition, bargaining chip, as a way to prove to them, because the kids can't carry that kind of weight and expect to miss some things. You're. You can't keep the same traditions because it's over now. So there's going to be some awkward, there's going to be some tears, there's going to be some grieving, some frustration. Like, the first holiday after a divorce is one of those watershed moments, the same as the first holiday after somebody passes away. It becomes very, very real. Like, it. It really sits on your heart. And so those are just hard times to. To make your way through.

[Kelly]

All right, I have one for the room.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Kelly]

Ask everybody. What's your favorite tradition that your family has? We'll start with you.

[Ben]

I'll go last. You go. My family, we always get a cup of eggnog. First time we drink eggnog for the whole season. I love it. I know a lot of people hate eggnog, but, like, like, eggnog from the store. Like the Gordon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I can cash a whole one of those, dude. I. I love them. And we'll put up the Christmas tree together. Ornaments, lights, everything. And that's, like. We listen to Christmas music, and it's the best. Pretty awesome. Yep. Ben the Maestro Hill. I would say, like, for me and my wife, talking about, like, new traditions. We've been married just four years now, but we started, like, buying, like, a big old Lego set and then just, like, build it together, like Christmas Eve or a couple days before. Just, like, a whole project. It's just. And then we kind of, like, have a shelf where we have, like, all the stuff that we've kind of built over the past few years, and we get to, like, see it accumulate, so. Something our families don't do. But we decided one day, hey, this will be kind of fun, dude. Very cool, man. I like that.

[Kelly]

I think my favorite that we do.

[Ben]

Is get all wasted around the neighborhood.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I believe you were the one that has run around the neighborhood doing. I've seen things with people's yard ornaments.

[Ben]

That is very true. So that's one of my favorite memories of my entire life.

[Kelly]

Yes. I've seen photos of some of Your handiwork.

[Ben]

So here's the deal. You can take the reindeer in people's yards and stack them up in a way that makes it look like they are making sweet, sweet love. And one of my favorite memories of my life was my grandfather is one of, like, a World War II vet, like, the. One of the most proper. He was an engineer. Everything was to the. Like. He was one of the most amazing guys ever. And my uncle, who's one of my favorite people in the world, is an accountant. There's very proper, very. There's a right way to do things. And I. That's the hardest I've ever seen those two guys laugh at the same. I got to show y' all something. They laughed until I thought, oh, they might both have a coronary event right here in my house. And it was. It's such an amazing. Anyway, that was a thing we used to do. I haven't done that in years because everyone's got stupid ring cameras now, and they ruined it. But, yes, back when I was a youngster, doing obscene things with. With Christmas yard decorations was one of my favorite holiday traditions. I remember my dad laughing so hard, I thought, he's going to wreck the car. It was so. I was like, dad, stop, stop, stop, stop. He's like, what? What? What? And we got out and we ran into somebody's yard and did that. And it was so funny. It was so great. Ah, man.

[Kelly]

My favorite tradition that we started, my parents did this, and then we took this on. We don't travel at Christmas. Every Christmas memory I have growing up is in my home. Grandparents might come, aunts and uncles might come, but I spent every Christmas at home, and my children have done every Christmas in our home. And there's been a couple times we've left the day after Christmas, maybe to go to Texas or whatever. But Thanksgiving, we travel, but Christmas is at our house. If you want to come visit, great. If it's just the four of us, great.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

But every Christmas memory that we have is in our home. And I love that. It just, first of all, takes the stress off of that. But that's something that I'm always thankful that we did.

[Ben]

I would say the two. The three things we have is our family always watches. Claws together. That's as far back as I can remember. And that's number one. I. I like. I like piling up on the couch in front of a fire and watching a thing. I like that it just. It gives everybody permission just to have a big human pile and, like, have all My chickens there. I like. I like that. The second thing is, is no matter whether we have family over, we have a bunch of people over, et cetera, we like, my. Me and my wife and my two kids, we open our presents under the tree just usually. And I like that. Like, that's just our little time together, which is super cool. And then there's always. Since I can remember, as far back as I can remember, there's always a puzzle out. And it's same.

[Kelly]

We always have a puzzle.

[Ben]

He's always stopping to eat too much and to sit down and put a couple pieces in. And over the course of the holiday, it's. It's finished. And I just. I love. It's almost like a home base. Everybody goes and touches it, and they can go back and do their stuff. And I love that we.

[Kelly]

It's funny because we don't do puzzles any other time of the year, but I bought a big. Because I'm a dork. Big board thing. The puzzles go on, and then you can move it off the table and then. But yeah, we have about four puzzles, and when one finishes, we just pull the next one out, and they're all Christmassy. That's such a Christmas thing to do. Yeah.

[Ben]

Yeah. I love it. What do you think about Bearded Wonder? We used to always play a big game of Monopoly, and then last year came to a head, and there was yelling and fighting and my mom begging everybody to get along. So this year, we're not doing that. We'll have to find something new. And when do you. When do you get married? March 21st. So are y' all doing a thing together this year? This year we are staying here. With the craziness of marriage, we're not traveling to her family, and we're telling them that, and they want to come here, they can. Otherwise, we'll be here with my family. Dude, what a flex. You're already flexed. You're not even married yet. Dude, that's awesome. Very cool.

[Kelly]

All right, next question. So you kind of alluded to this a little bit. Do y' all open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

[Ben]

I have fought for years to open one on Christmas Eve, and it is Christmas Day. It is always Christmas Day now as my son has gotten older and, like, I might buy him some cool hunting stuff that I need in November. Well, my wife will literally re wrap it and put it under the tree, which I love. I love that, too. This year, I'm. I bought myself something that she's like, yeah, it's fine. But I'm gonna wrap that and put on the tree, and you're gonna act surprised when you open it, so. But, like, Christmas morning, the good news.

[Kelly]

Is you'll forget by then.

[Ben]

I. Of course I will. Christmas morning is like a. I don't know. It's a sacred time. It's fun.

[Kelly]

Same with us. Christmas morning.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

One year, I remember my mom let me open something on Christmas Eve. I was a teenager or something, and I got to open it, and the next day it was like, man, I wish I hadn't opened it yesterday.

[Ben]

So, okay, how do you handle this? And this is going to sound very privileged and very bougie and very blah. I don't care. A few years ago, my wife ordered something and it got delayed, didn't come in. And I was at Christmas and I had nothing to open. And I'm embarrassed to say that I was like. And literally, I can buy whatever I want for myself. And it wasn't about the gift, and it wasn't about the thing. It was like, something about that. But as you get older, you get fewer things and people don't think about it as much. How do you handle that?

[Kelly]

Well, I would've printed out a picture of it or something and then wrapped that, because there's just something about opening presents on Christmas.

[Ben]

Something about it.

[Kelly]

Yeah. But I also remember texting you one Christmas morning, hiding in the bathroom because I had gotten a bunch of baking stuff because I loved to bake. And my sweet husband, who was like, she loves to bake. And I viewed it as.

[Ben]

I remember that.

[Kelly]

I viewed it as like, get back.

[Ben]

In the kitchen, lady.

[Kelly]

You got me a bunch of presents of things that you want me to do for you.

[Ben]

Hey, honey, I got you a vacuum and a washing machine in the frying pan.

[Kelly]

But it was, like, really nice stuff that I did want, but I just. It hit wrong. And I'm texting you in the bathroom. I'm like, is it wrong that I'm in here crying? But then we had a conversation later, like, hey, I would really like some stuff that I wouldn't buy for myself, necessarily, or whatever. And bless him, he meant nothing by it. So, yeah. But, yeah. God, that sucks, because it's like, you don't get to participate in the fun.

[Ben]

Yeah. So here's the thing. If you have a wife that's impossible to shop for because she makes a jillion dollars, or she just is like, I don't need anything. It's fine. Get things anyway. And I don't ever believe your wife.

[Kelly]

If she says, I don't need anything.

[Ben]

Right. But get, get several small things. But just the act of opening a new thing and opening. It's just, it's just, I don't know, I love that. And my love language is gift. So that's a thing. But like, that is cool. And if there's a hard working husband in your house, he's like, I'm fine. And you think, oh, he buys whatever he wants anyway, or whatever. Get some things anyway. And also bring your kids along so they can start thinking about, you know, and even if you have a nine year old and all they have is $4 in piggy bank, have them bring $1. Like we're gonna buy a gift for. And I think that's a, that's a cool thing. Cause they get to see your face light up and it's cool.

[Kelly]

We've always done where we'll take a day and sometimes we'll go to Target, might be the mall or whatever, where I'll take my daughter and we'll buy gifts for my son and my husband and then we'll like, okay, we're gonna meet back at the food court in an hour and then we switch kids and then, okay, great, now you go buy. I'll buy ones for my daughter and then let him buy one for his dad. We've always kind of done something like that that we do. And one year kind of talking about having something to open. I wanted cash because I like to shop with other people's money.

[Ben]

Right.

[Kelly]

Not lying. I love to shop. And if I can do it with somebody else's money, even though with my husband's it's my money too. But still it's different. And so he ended up wrapping up like individual bills and gift cards in different things.

[Ben]

Oh, boy.

[Kelly]

Or he bought me like a book I liked and there was like 20 stuck in the pages. So that there was a ton of stuff for me.

[Ben]

But that's really thoughtful.

[Kelly]

Yes, he's very.

[Ben]

That's a yes. He's a pretty amazing guy. And can I answer a question real quick? I'm gonna ama myself here real quick. This is the number one question I get on social media about this topic about Christmas. And I want to end it once and for all.

[Kelly]

How? I wonder. I was about to ask you a question and I wonder if it might be the same one.

[Ben]

All right. Telling your kids that Santa is real is not lying to your children. Get over it. Relax.

[Kelly]

Okay. By the way, if your kids are in the room.

[Ben]

Oh, sorry about that. Shake it Off. Listen, your kids should not be listening to the show on Christmas Eve.

[Kelly]

In no way should they ever, ever really.

[Ben]

But listen, bringing your kids along the ride of a cultural tradition is awesome. It's not lying to them. If they say, hey, mom, I saw the presence in your room, is Santa real? And you're like, yes, that's gaslighting. That's lying. But letting them participate in the magic. Our whole culture has sucked every bit of magic and wonder and fun and shared cultural stories out of it. It's not lying. It's just awesome. In the end of. End of ama rant. Okay, go, go, Kelly.

[Kelly]

All right. Are gift cards a thoughtful or lazy gift? And I have thoughts.

[Ben]

Both.

[Kelly]

Elaborate, please.

[Ben]

It's hard because I love gift cards. But yes, it's a lazy gift.

[Kelly]

What about. So I've already told my husband, cuz I've lost about 20 something pounds, I want to do some shopping.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

Because I need some new clothes. Please don't buy me clothes because then I have to have the weird conversation about, hey, can I get the receipt for that? Give me gift cards. That is my love language. I can go shopping.

[Ben]

Yes. Okay. Would it be awesome if he said, I got us a weekend in wherever, and obviously y' all are rich. You're the producer of this show, so duh, Clearly. So I want to take you on a shopping trip and I want to be there while you're buying clothes. Would that be cool or would that be annoying for you?

[Kelly]

It would be surprising because I think it would be his version of hell.

[Ben]

I know that. Which would make it a pretty amazing.

[Kelly]

But if he did it, that would be amazing because I've always wanted, like, I want to know what you think about this. Do you think I look good in this? So I think that'd be great.

[Ben]

But I know that's not everybody.

[Kelly]

But no, but I would love for him to do that. And he would. If I was like, hey, would you go with me? I need to know your opinion. He would go with me with a smile and never, of course, say a word about it. But now if you're just buying somebody a random gift card that they have no idea you, if you like that store or whatever. But you know what? Like for the bus drivers and stuff for my daughter, I usually get them.

[Ben]

Well, that's amazing. Yes, that's amazing. But if I've also, this is me. I've been in line somewhere and be like, oh, no. And you can get Amazon gift cards at a gas station now. And I'm like, hey, look what I got. Like, that doesn't feel right.

[Kelly]

But if somebody. If, you know, because Alex and I have had this conversation, and I know he is all about gift cards as well, but, yeah, I love to shop. Please get me a gift card and get what I want, and I get to go shopping and then give me the time to go do it.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

And then we're all happy.

[Ben]

Like, I don't want my wife picking out my. Whatever camo pattern I think I need for this year.

[Kelly]

Oh, actually, I would love to see her do that.

[Ben]

It's.

[Kelly]

That would be fantastic.

[Ben]

She calls it my outfits. It's hilarious.

[Kelly]

Costumes.

[Ben]

Yeah. She's like, oh, are you getting on your. On your costumes to go hunt the animals that are our granddads hunted in jeans and smoking cigarettes. But you're gonna have to, like.

[Kelly]

You have to have a special outfit for it.

[Ben]

Special outfit. Yeah. She's awesome. But, like, oh, yes, I would rather a gift card there and just to go rock and roll. So I think it's both. It's both.

[Kelly]

Yeah. It depends on the. The spirit behind it. And what if, you know, if you have somebody that, you know, they hate give gift cards? Don't get them a gift card.

[Ben]

Right. Or here's another thing. My wife struggles with spending money, like, on getting a massage or something. So I'll go buy gift cards to a spa, and it's like, I've already spent this money. Now I want you to like. And so those are. Those are awesome.

[Kelly]

Yeah. My husband paints. Like, paints, paints. And I don't. I don't have a clue what supplies he needs and wants.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Kelly]

You know, last year I did. I bought him, like, a brand new easel and some things like that, but as he was just setting up his studio. But I'll buy him gift cards to the art store he likes, and he's like a kid in a candy store.

[Ben]

Here's the real question about that. Has he ever painted you like one of his.

[Kelly]

Like one of his rich girls? Not yet. No. He's still painting landscapes at this point. So, no. Let's just go on to the next question.

[Ben]

Great present.

[Kelly]

He can do that as soon as he gets me that humongous.

[Ben]

Oh, the Heart of the ocean.

[Kelly]

The Heart of the ocean necklace to go with it. Yes. All right, we'll do one more before we go to break. Do you have any weird family traditions that nobody else would understand?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Oh, we need to know what they are.

[Ben]

Well, it sounds awful.

[Kelly]

Elaborate.

[Ben]

It sounds awful. But this is. This is awesome. Our one of our family traditions is right after Christmas, my wife and I go our separate ways. Like, I'll go on a trip with. With Hank and we'll go on a long hunting adventure. She doesn't want anything about that. So we'll stop with several friends. We'll go several states over. We'll stop along the way, like, get our share of Waffle House and, and whatever, Cracker Barrel, whatever. Like, we'll go do those things. And so it feels weird to be like, finally as a family, we get to relax together. And we're like, all right, peace. And she does her thing. But it's. It's this. It's this awesome exhale. And I know that she has been pent up for a year. Like, can I just get away from all you guys? And she loves us, but can I. And I'm like, can I just go spend some time in the woods? And more than anything in the world would I love for my wife at 4:45am to 1 in a 20 degrees outside to get all bundled up and go hunting with. I would love that. And I'm confident she would love the idea of me loving Hallmark movies and wanting to spend all day eating leftovers, watching show after. I. I know that to be true. But we both love each other enough to know that we would both slowly die a slow death inside. And so, yeah, one of our weird traditions is we head separate directions.

[Kelly]

I don't think that's weird at all. I think anyone that's been married. How long have y' all been married now?

[Ben]

23.

[Kelly]

23. So we're 21 this year. That you get that? I hope people get that.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Because if not, if not, they're lying to themselves.

[Ben]

Do you have a weird one?

[Kelly]

I can't think of a weird one. I know Alex said he does.

[Ben]

My family watches Horton Hears a who around Christmas time because it's on the same cd, same DVD as the Grinch. And so we just keep watching and we just end up watching Horton. He's a who every Christmas. Did that start out of, like, everyone was in a diabetic coma from all of the eggnog you all just mainlined and you're like, I don't want to change. You change it. And we just watch the next movie and suddenly that's a tradition. Yep, exactly.

[Kelly]

Anybody else? If I have weird ones, I don't know, they're weird. Which is probably more disturbing.

[Ben]

There was. There was like a. A 15 or 20 year run of like a family tradition was to go like desecrate somebody's yard. Like TPing? No. Like to go mess up somebody's, like, awesome Christmas decorations and make them inappropriate.

[Kelly]

I think that's a delightful Christmas.

[Ben]

That was a long. That was kind of. But that was, like, a thing we all did. We were good people, but that's just too funny. And we take pictures of and stuff, but that's over now because everyone's got cameras.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I know. That ruined the whole. You can't. The fact that my kids never got to go TPing just breaks my heart.

[Ben]

I know. It makes me sad, but I know.

[Kelly]

All right, let's take a break.

[Ben]

I love the holidays. Holidays for my family include a lot of travel, a lot of friends, a lot of food, and a lot of chaos. It also includes a lot of late nights. And with all of that going on, it includes. It can be hard to wind down and get good sleep. And almost nothing feels better than coming home from a week on the road or sleeping on some camp mattress and falling asleep on my Helix mattress. My whole family sleeps at our home on Helix mattresses, and we all love coming home and getting into bed. I even have Helix mattress in my guest room. And when people come over and crash at my house, especially during the holidays, they all want to know about this amazing mattress they're sleeping on. Helix mattresses are that amazing. And here's why. Helix makes mattresses for real people, not generic average sleepers. So whether you sleep hot, cold, on your side, on your back, whatever, Helix customizes the mattress that best fits you to your sleep style. I took their sleep quiz. It took me like two minutes online. I want you to get online and take it, too. You're going to get matched with the perfect mattress that's just right for you right now. My audience can get an exclusive 20 off your entire Helix order at helixsleep.com Deloney that's 20 off the entire site, your whole purchase. Go to Helix H E l I x helixsleep.com Deloney and tell them you heard about their amazing mattresses right here on this show with Helix. Better sleep starts right now. All right, we're back, Kelly. We've got a few more. We're gonna let these people go celebrate New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve, same thing.

[Kelly]

No, not really.

[Ben]

It's one of the Eves.

[Kelly]

One of them. We're getting ready to celebrate the birth of our risen Lord and savior.

[Ben]

Here we go. Here we go. Thanks for the theological lecture.

[Kelly]

Anytime. All right, this is a very much just for you question. Favorite holiday punk album.

[Ben]

Sheesh. Louise. All right, y' all asked for it.

[Kelly]

Are there holiday punk albums?

[Ben]

Well, I'm about to say I reject. I reject Christmas albums just as a whole. The only. Only Christmas album. Like, if my favorite punk band comes out with a Christmas album, I won't listen to it on principle. I know that sounds awful. I don't want to hear it. I want to hear the songs that, like, you wrote when you were angry. Not your version of Rudolph Redo's Reindeer or the song you wrote after your big breakup. I want to hear that. I want to feel it. I don't want you. I don't want to hear.

[Kelly]

Do you reject all Christmas albums?

[Ben]

There is one.

[Kelly]

Like, I mean, we're talking, like, Bing Crosby or. I don't know.

[Ben]

What's another Christmas music fan? Oh, like, it's just not my thing. The one Christmas album that I listen to every year is. It's one of our family traditions. We. We don't go every year. We've gone many years is to see Andrew Peterson at the Ryman do the Behold the Lamb of God tour. And the Behold Lamb of God. Like the true telling of the nativity story with our friends Andy Gollahorn and Jill Phil. It's such a masterpiece of a record. And so we listen to that all through the. All through the holiday season. It's just so good. But that's. That's the one Christmas album that I like, and it's. And by the way, it's him writing all new songs, not just replaying his version of a Christmas hit.

[Kelly]

Okay. Kind of on that. So is there's not a favorite punk Christmas album. Do you have a favorite punk Christmas song? Like a cover of a song that. By a punk band? Like, I know God, the Ramones. They did. Oh, gosh. My brain just went. I love this.

[Ben]

I can't. I'm honestly sitting here thinking, I don't. I don't know any punk rock, Christian. I mean, Christian punk rock Christmas songs. Do you, Ben? Yeah, man. August Burns Red. They have a great Christmas album. They did like, Carol of the Bells. It's one of the best versions of Carol the Bells.

[Kelly]

You hate Carol Bells. Yeah. Song gives me anxiety.

[Ben]

Yeah. Burns Red, their drummer, Matt. Dude, that guy is next level. Next level awesome. And he's a great human being, too. But, yeah, I just. I don't know. I honestly, sitting here, can't name you a punk rock Christmas record, which. It's just. I just. I'm like, I'm out. I don't hear it. Yeah. Kind of funny that. I'm like, bah, humbug on that.

[Kelly]

Yeah, okay. Maybe it's cold outside. Charming or creepy.

[Ben]

Can you reek? Pull up the lyrics and read them.

[Kelly]

While I'm doing that. There was a comedian that I watched the. That he was talking about how we canceled Baby, It's Cold Outside. And he read the number one song when this comedian was talking about this was wap. And I'm not gonna tell people what that stands for. If you don't know, Google it. Not on your work.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kelly]

WI Fi. And he read the lyrics to Baby, It's Cold Outside and then read the lyrics for wap. And it was like, this one. We've canceled, but this one's the number one song on the chart right now.

[Ben]

Yeah, I'm not big into canceling anybody, but go ahead on that.

[Kelly]

Okay. I really can't stay. Baby, it's cold outside? I've gotta go away. Baby, it's cold outside. I feel like we should be doing this as a duet this evening. Has been hoping that you drop in, so very nice. I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice. Your mother will start to worry. Hey, beautiful, what's your hurry? My father will be pacing the floor? Listen to the fireplace roar. So really, I'd better scurry. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Maybe just a half a drink more. I'll put some records on while I pour. The neighbors might think but, baby, it's bad out there. Say, what's in this drink? Okay, maybe not that line. No cabs to be had out there. I wish I knew how to break this spell. I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell. I ought to say no, no, no, sir. Mind if I move in closer? And this is back and forth, mail in the middle. Yeah. At least I'm gonna say that I tried. What's the sense of hurting my pride? I really can't stay. Baby, it's cold outside. That's pretty much the song.

[Ben]

So I guess, yes, if he roofied her, we should cancel this song. It's a terrible, awful song, and it's trash and garbage.

[Kelly]

Right? But when she says, what's in this drink? I don't think she's asking, like, literally, what'd you put in here? I think it's like, oh, I'm feeling giddy.

[Ben]

Right? So if it is the tension of, I need to get home, but I'm really into you, and you probably shouldn't be driving, you could get home, but you could stay here.

[Kelly]

Oh, there's no cabs outside.

[Ben]

And wasn't this song like in the 20s?

[Kelly]

The 40s, I believe.

[Ben]

40S, yeah. It's all about context for me.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I don't think it's as creepy as. And I. I mean, there was one version that I heard and it was like, Dr. John, not you.

[Ben]

Uh huh.

[Kelly]

And like Leigh Hen Rimes or something when she's like 16. Yeah. Creepy. And I can't remember if that's exactly it, but it was something like that. And you're like, okay, fine, not so great. Now there is a Harry Connick Jr. Lee Ann Womack version. That's delightful.

[Ben]

Gotcha.

[Kelly]

But I think it's just context. Yeah, exactly.

[Ben]

And I also, given your life experiences, how you hear some of these songs, instantly you hear that song through your lived experience. And so if you live it as creepy because you've had some stuff, tough stuff in your life, great. Just don't listen to it. And if you have been in a situation, you're like, dude, I need to go home. My family's waiting for me. But I really want to be here with you. And probably shouldn't be driving because it's. The weather's bad, but that's. I don't know, it's kind of romantic.

[Kelly]

All right, we'll do one more.

[Ben]

I skipped a final in college for the opportunity to walk across campus when I knew the woman who's now my wife. Wife. Was going to be walking across campus.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So you're not one to speak on creepier.

[Ben]

I skipped a final to walk past her to be like, oh, hey, what's up? And we talked and whatever like that is. That's creepy now. Back then it was really, like, romantic. Like, like you knew my schedule enough to know where I was going to be. And like you left something important to come. Just say hi to me. Like, that was like the highest form of nobility. And now it's like that guy's stalking me.

[Kelly]

Yeah, it's a different time. Yeah, no question. All right, last one. Are the parents in Home Alone the worst parents in cinema history?

[Ben]

They're not great.

[Kelly]

I mean, it's one thing for it to happen once, but twice? Come on. Count your kids, people.

[Ben]

And what in the world? I missed Home Alone. That's my number four. How did I miss Home Alone? That movie's phenomenal.

[Kelly]

It's great.

[Ben]

First one, one of legendary, if you.

[Kelly]

Haven'T watched it on Netflix. It's how movies are made. They do a series of. They did a couple different versions of it, but one of them is Christmas movies. And they interview Chris Columbus and it's usually not like how they're actually made, but like the writing. Who came up with it, how they almost didn't get greenlit. It's kind of all that back end type stuff before things even start. But how they did Home Alone and Chris Columbus is all in it. And John Hughes because he wrote Home Alone and just the whole how they wrote and how they dealt with having. There's some great stuff about having Joe Pesci on set with Macaulay Culkin and Joe Pesci. Every other word was the F word. How they handle. It's delightful to listen to how they made it. But they also do Elf and a couple other movies. It's on Netflix. Elf.

[Ben]

God, I forgot Elf.

[Kelly]

You cannot forget. We watched that. That's one of our big traditions is Thanksgiving night. Is Elf. That's the first. That's where we kick it off.

[Ben]

I'm terrible at this. Favorite movies.

[Kelly]

Yeah, you are.

[Ben]

Elf is up there. Home Alone is up there.

[Kelly]

Christmas vacation.

[Ben]

Christmas vacation.

[Kelly]

You didn't mention that.

[Ben]

Yeah, I did. Uncle Eddie.

[Kelly]

Oh, that's right, it's cousin Eddie.

[Ben]

But Cousin Eddie, same thing. He's somebody's uncle.

[Kelly]

That's true.

[Ben]

Yeah, man, I'm terrible at this, so. Yeah, those are all great ones.

[Kelly]

Okay. But we all agree the parents are not great.

[Ben]

They're the worst. Like, before you get on a major airline to go across the country, you should know where your kids are.

[Kelly]

Count your kid. Make sure your kids are there. Count them.

[Ben]

Count them.

[Kelly]

I don't know.

[Ben]

Something tada. Yeah, and if it happens again, somebody's.

[Kelly]

Calling, like child protective services.

[Ben]

As they should. Yeah, as they should. You're just not good. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Kelly]

Merry Christmas.

[Ben]

It's good to see y' all make good choices. Love y'. All. Bye.