The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Twin Was Arrested and Pretended to Be Me
Date: September 24, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony - Ramsey Network

Episode Overview

This intense, caller-driven episode dives deeply into two particularly emotional, family-centered dilemmas:

1. Ren's Dilemma: The devastating fallout from his twin brother’s criminal actions and identity theft, the struggle to set boundaries, and the grief of familial betrayal.
2. Dean’s Struggle: A new father grappling with his father’s conditional love and the generational cycles of performance-based acceptance.
3. Ian’s Journey: Learning to identify, communicate, and prioritize his own needs amidst a marriage impacted by health struggles and self-sacrifice.

Each call features Dr. Delony’s signature frankness, compassion, and practical mental health advice, with raw, memorable moments that cut to the heart of relational pain and healing.

Segment 1: Ren’s “Supervillain Twin” and Family Boundaries

[00:05–16:28]

Key Discussion Points

• Identity Theft by a Twin:
  Ren recounts how his twin brother, after years of arrests, began using Ren’s name and Social Security number when caught by police. This led to legal and financial chaos, including job loss due to a criminal record he didn't know existed under his own name.

  • “He kind of seems like a super villain twin currently. He was using my name when he was getting arrested and also my Social Security number.” — Ren [00:05]
  • Police initially didn’t believe Ren’s story.

• Ongoing Legal and Financial Fallout:
  Ren is navigating federal bureaucracy to clear his record, freeze his credit, and possibly get a new Social Security number.

  • "I have frequent calls with an FBI agent.” — Ren [02:22]
  • “I didn’t find out until I was in the final part of interviews for a job… and got rejected because I have a violent history.” — Ren [02:58]

• Family Pressure and Mixed Emotions:
  Despite the betrayals, Ren feels conflicted over severing ties, hinting at shared childhood and deep familial bonds.

  • “I’ve never known life without him, you know?...We were the boys, we were the twins.” — Ren [04:37]
  • Ongoing manipulation: brother frequently creates new Facebook profiles to contact Ren and attempts to scam him, even with things like grocery delivery.

• Parental Involvement and Enabling:
  Ren’s parents continue to bail his brother out well into adulthood, further complicating boundaries.

  • “Our parents have kind of always bailed him out of everything, even so far…well into adulthood.” — Ren [06:54]

Dr. Delony’s Guidance and Tough Love

• Radical Boundaries:
  Dr. Delony urges Ren to distance himself completely, for his own family’s safety and well-being.

  • “I would keep that gentleman as far away from me and my family as possible.” — Dr. John Delony [02:09]

• The Pain of Powerlessness:
  Acknowledges the unique pain of sibling betrayal and the cycle of trying to “rescue” someone unwilling to change.

  • “There’s really no betrayal like a brother, right?” — Dr. John Delony [05:09]
  • “You are powerless in this situation. And that’s a scary feeling for you.” [09:04]

• Letting Natural Consequences Happen:
  Emphasizes that continuing to bail out his brother is actually enabling more destruction.

  • “The greatest gift you could give him right now is to not bail him out…There has to be an association between his actions and the consequences. And he just simply hasn’t done that.” — Dr. John Delony [06:15]

• Coping Strategy:
  Suggests unsent letters as a way to externalize pain and grief, and encourages involving his wife fully for transparency and support in managing family boundaries.

Notable Quotes

• “You have to grieve your brother, the guy you so desperately want him to be, and you believe in your guts he can become. Because you look in the mirror, you were able to do it. He’s not there, and you are powerless to help him get there, period.” — Dr. John Delony [10:55]

• "Bring her into this…Be honest and apologetic…tell her, I want to put 100 bucks a month... that when the day comes and my brother says I want to go to rehab, I can help him with that. But that will be the only support I can provide from here on out ever again." — Dr. John Delony [11:29]

Segment 2: Dean’s Quest for Acceptance from His Father

[16:28–32:33]

Key Discussion Points

• Conditional Love and Generational Patterns:
  Dean feels perpetually tested and unaccepted by his father, even as a grown man and new father himself.

  • “He basically said that there was no need to celebrate me as a father because I don’t have the years necessary to be celebrated.” — Dean [16:56]
  • “It honestly feels like my entire childhood has felt performance based, like love. Only get love when you do the right thing." — Dean [18:57]

• Navigating Professional Entanglements:
  Dean’s father works in the same field, often stopping by Dean’s workplace and engaging Dean’s labor on weekends.

Dr. Delony’s Insights

• Core Wound Acceptance:
  Delony candidly acknowledges some family wounds may "hurt you till the day you die," but says the mission is to break cycles—not to 'heal' a toxic father.

  • “You don’t move on from this. This is a core wound. It will hurt you till the day you die.” — Dr. John Delony [19:17]

• Breaking the Cycle:
  Focus is on choosing a different script for Dean’s own child.

  • “Your son will always know that he’s loved, no matter what. That’s your new work in life. And you ending this relationship with somebody who is just simply using you to get through their day shouldn’t be that way with dad, man. I’m sorry.” — Dr. John Delony [19:54]

• Tough Boundaries and Forecasting the ‘Storm’:
  Delony warns that standing up to family dysfunction will cause backlash but is essential for dignity and parenting well.

  • “When you stop being the lead actor in their play, I’m telling you, the storm’s coming.” — Dr. John Delony [23:10]

Memorable Moments

• “Any other man in the world treating you like this…you wouldn’t put up with that from anybody.” — Dr. John Delony [22:21]
• Delony humorously but firmly pushes Dean toward commitment to his girlfriend, emphasizing building a new, healthy family identity.

Guidance and Practical Tips

• Morning Ritual:
  Recommends a daily affirmation for Dean’s son: “Every single morning, without fail, I want you to put both hands on either side of your three-year-old’s face…put your forehead on his and say, ‘I love you son. And I’m so glad that God picked me to be your dad.’”* — Dr. John Delony [26:05]
• Self-Regulation Trick:
  Employ simple body techniques (touching chest or pinching leg) during heated exchanges to stay present and not regress into old emotional responses.

Segment 3: Ian—Expressing Needs in a Marriage Under Strain

[32:33–43:44]

Key Discussion Points

• Struggling to Identify & Voice Needs:
  Ian consistently puts his wife’s chronic health needs first, sacrificing his own emotional and relational needs—a pattern modeled by his own father.

  • “I don’t ever express my needs until then when she’s struggling, she expresses a need and I’m unable emotionally to receive that need. …I feel bad too.” — Ian [32:46]
  • His father also modeled relentless self-sacrifice: “He is the best servant, the best worker. But as a family...I don’t know if it’s generational or modeled that way.” — Ian [33:56]

• Medical and Emotional Context:
  Wife has an autoimmune disorder (POTS), limiting capacity and leaving Ian in a long-term “season” of heavy responsibility and lost connection.

Dr. Delony’s Approach

• From ‘Need’ to ‘Want’:
  Reframes the conversation—rather than “what do you need?” Delony urges Ian to clarify “what do you want?”, promoting self-honesty and agency.

  • “When you say we have these needs…really what it does is it makes other people, other situations…responsible for our joy…Instead of owning I want this.” — Dr. John Delony [39:31]

• Calling Out Defensive Postures:
  Pushes Ian to move beyond surface answers and generic “family-satisfaction” statements to uncover personal desires and goals.

  • “I’m having a hard time getting…to your core, being inside your spirit, if you will. Like, what do you want, man?” — Dr. John Delony [41:53]

• Practical Action Step:
  “Get a yellow pad of paper and write on there for the first time in a long time, here’s what I want…then plan those things out.” — Dr. John Delony [45:00]

• Offers permission for “selfishness” as a healthy recalibration in family life.

Key Quotes

• “Who's telling you that the only way you are great is by burning yourself out from the inside out? Where is that picture of greatness come from?” — Dr. John Delony [44:41]
• “Drop all that, because you're gonna need yourself into the grave or you're gonna become a frustrated, angry version of yourself. So here's your permission to be a little bit selfish for the first time.” — Dr. John Delony [45:00]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Family Betrayal:
  “There’s really no betrayal like a brother, right?” — Dr. John Delony [05:09]

• On Enabling & Boundaries:
  “The greatest gift you could give him right now is to not bail him out.” — Dr. John Delony [06:15]

• On Generational Trauma:
  “You don’t move on from this. This is a core wound. It will hurt you till the day you die.” — Dr. John Delony [19:17]

• On Breaking Free:
  “When you stop being the lead actor in their play, I’m telling you, the storm’s coming.” — Dr. John Delony [23:10]

Time-Stamped Guide to Key Segments

• [00:05–16:28]: Ren’s Call—Twin Betrayal, Identity Theft, and Boundaries
• [16:28–32:33]: Dean’s Call—Fathers, Conditional Love, and Cycle-Breaking
• [32:33–43:44]: Ian’s Call—Knowing and Naming Your Needs Amid Family Illness
• [43:44-end]: Brief Q&A on Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity & Episode Wrap

Conclusion

This episode delivers a powerful, unvarnished look at the intersection of love, pain, and boundary-setting in family contexts. Dr. Delony, with humor, empathy, and unflinching candor, guides callers through some of life's hardest relational territory—unpacking the grief of betrayal, the exhaustion of generational cycles, and the courage required to choose healthy family futures.

For listeners who have struggled with the pain of family dysfunction, enabling, or a sense of voicelessness, this episode brims with practical wisdom and hard-won hope.

“Be kind to one another. Begin practicing healthy relationships day by day…”
— Dr. John Delony [48:41]