The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: "My Wife and I Live Like Roommates"
Date: September 8, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. John Delony answers caller-driven questions on relationships and mental health, focusing on deeply personal and challenging situations. The show begins with a man named Paul struggling with emotional and physical disconnect in his 30+ year marriage. Other callers address setting boundaries with family members who live differently and the nuanced experience of grieving tragedies that don’t affect you directly. Throughout, Dr. Delony provides honest, empathetic advice, leaning on vulnerability, self-reflection, and clear communication.

Main Themes & Discussion Points

1. Living Like Roommates: Addressing Emotional and Physical Disconnection in Marriage

(Paul’s Call – Pittsburgh)

• Paul’s Situation:

  • Happily married "for the most part" for over 30 years.
  • Financially stable, three children grown and independent.
  • Since becoming empty nesters, Paul has sought to rekindle romance and intimacy, but his wife is uninterested.
  • They lead largely separate lives at home, sleeping in different rooms and rarely conversing; feels more like “two people that happen to live in the same building.” (02:01 – 02:44)

• Efforts to Reconnect:

  • Paul has tried date nights, trips, shared hobbies (even joining her for power yoga and learning mahjong).
  • Despite efforts, his wife shuts down conversations about intimacy and becomes defensive or irritated. (04:08 – 05:20)

• Dr. Delony’s Insights:

  • Lack of Conversation Is the Core Issue:
    • “The thing that concerns me the most at this point is a lack of a conversation. And it sounds like she is very avoidant.” (03:17)
  • Reframing the Approach:
    • Suggests focusing less on “getting things back” and more on “who do we want to be in the next 10-15 years?”
    • Notes that the “backward-facing” mindset can worsen feelings of loss for partners especially affected by menopause and aging.
    • Raises the tough possibility: “I’m hearing a woman who doesn’t like you. Why would she not like you?” (06:32)
  • Friendship Before Intimacy:
    • Emphasizes the loss of friendship as a root issue: “Beneath the sex for me that’s breaking my heart for you is y’all aren’t friends anymore.” (13:31)
    • Encourages honest “I statements” to invite conversation: “My heart’s broken, because I feel like you don’t like me. Am I unlikable?” (11:47)
  • The Scariest Question:
    • Points out that the hardest questions are often necessary for real progress: “Anytime there’s a terrifying question, that’s usually the question that needs to get put on the table.” (13:31)

• Notable Quotes:

  • “If she liked you, she would at least talk to you about, ‘Hey, I don’t feel good in my own body…’ She would have that conversation. She won’t even entertain it.” – Dr. John Delony (09:53)
  • “Sex often says, ‘You’re okay, we’re okay.’ And absent of that… there’s this nagging question, like, what’s wrong with me?” – Dr. John Delony (11:04)
  • “How do I become more likable? Not more sexually attractive, or how can we have more sex, but how can I become your friend again?” – Dr. John Delony (12:23)

2. Family Boundaries and Navigating Different Values

(Riley’s Call – Nashville)

• Riley’s Situation:

  • Torn between supporting her older sister (recently involved in a throuple and living a different lifestyle) and protecting her own young son (2 years old).
  • Experiences discomfort with her sister’s current relationship choices and struggles to maintain boundaries for her child’s safety when the family visits.
  • Misses the closeness she once shared with her sister; feels their bond is fading as values and lifestyles diverge. (17:22 – 23:46)

• Key Discussion Points:

  • Dr. Delony validates Riley’s grief over losing the sense of her “old” sister, and acknowledges her reasonable concern for her son's safety.
  • Points out the importance of separating grief about the relationship from value-based disagreements.
  • “You’re mourning the fact that you loved your sister’s wife… and then this whole other thing happened.” (21:38)
  • Suggests Riley use “I statements” to set boundaries (“I just don’t let my kid have sleepovers where I don’t know the other kids or adults... that’s on me. Period.” (30:13)), not to make it about lifestyle judgment.
  • Warns against letting the need for her sister's approval drive her decisions: “You’re still desperate for your sister to approve of you and you have to stop.” (31:05)

• Action Steps for Riley:

  • Grieve the loss of the relationship as it was, and consider reaching out with vulnerability by expressing “I miss my sister.”
  • Own her parenting boundaries without engaging in debates over ethics or lifestyle: “I’m very protective of my son, and I don’t let him spend the night where there’s going to be just kids I don’t know…” (30:13)
  • Decide whether to maintain contact out of authentic desire versus obligation or guilt.

• Memorable Exchanges:

  • “Friends don’t agree with everything. Friends… still friends, same team. You being able to take responsibility…starts with saying, ‘I want to be someone that I love and that I respect.’” – Dr. John Delony (33:12)

3. Grieving Tragedies Distant From You & Social Media Judgment

(Joshua’s Call – Fayetteville, AR)

• Joshua’s Situation:

  • Feels deeply grieved over a tragic Texas flood at Camp Mystic, though not directly affected.
  • Struggles with guilt—worries his sadness is self-centered, and fears being perceived like those on social media who “make tragedy about them.” (35:18 – 36:25)

• Dr. Delony’s Insights:

  • Explores the roots of guilt: “It sounds like your chief fear is that other people are judging you as harshly as you judge others.” (36:54)
  • Shares wisdom from experience: “Loss is loss.” (37:30)
  • Encourages grieving authentically—there’s no right or wrong way to process second-hand loss.
  • Advises Joshua to step away from social media, connect directly with those affected, and focus on concrete support.
  • “If somebody chooses to take that response and put it all over social media, I’m not going to consume it, but I’m not going to spend one second trying to dig into their motive.” (42:56)

• Healthy Grieving Practices Suggested:

  • Write unsent letters to those lost as a way to process feelings.
  • Direct time, money, or action to support victims or community organizations.
  • Use grief as an opportunity for gratitude and presence with one’s own loved ones: “Go hug (your kids) in the dark… be sad. And be grateful, too.” (42:08)

4. Public Shaming & Social Media “Piling On”

(Closing Segment with Kelly, Producer)

• Topic:

  • Addressing recent hateful online comments directed at a previous caller.
  • Dr. Delony and Kelly condemn the cruelty and anonymous judgment found in online spaces, especially when callers share vulnerable stories.

• Key Quotes:

  • “People are so brave behind a screen and a keyboard… it was stuff you would never say to someone’s face.” – Kelly (50:07)
  • “If that makes you feel better to pile onto somebody… go talk to somebody, because you need some help.” – Dr. John Delony (51:14)

• Takeaway:

  • The show is a safe space for vulnerability, not judgment.
  • Listeners are encouraged to “just scroll another direction” rather than participate in public shaming.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Paul’s Call (Roommate Marriage): 01:11 – 15:00
• Riley’s Call (Family Boundaries): 17:22 – 34:20
• Joshua’s Call (Vicarious Grieving & Social Media): 34:51 – 47:46
• Discussion on Public Shaming & Comments: 47:46 – 52:00

Overall Tone & Final Thoughts

Dr. John Delony brings compassion, honesty, and practical wisdom to difficult mental health and relationship questions. He encourages direct conversation (“the scariest question is the one that must be asked”), self-ownership, and kindness both with oneself and others. The episode flows between deeply personal coaching and broader cultural observations, creating a rich resource for anyone facing similar struggles in marriage, family, or the challenge of being human in a complicated world.