The Dr. John Delony Show – "My Wife Left Me Because I am a Man Child"
Date: November 24, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony (Ramsey Network)
Theme: Real talk on relationships and mental health challenges, with listener calls seeking advice on marriage, parenting, grief, trauma, and decision-making.
Episode Overview
This episode features Dr. John Delony taking live calls from listeners grappling with intense personal and family issues. The main themes explored are marital breakdown due to emotional immaturity and avoidance, coping with fear after community violence, the emotional toll of pregnancy loss, and how to communicate difficult truths within a family.
The tone is candid, compassionate, and direct—Dr. Delony does not shy away from hard truths but consistently guides callers toward actionable self-reflection and practical next steps.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. AJ: Marriage Breakdown and Ownership of Emotional Immaturity
Timestamps: 00:25 – 16:30
Background
- AJ's wife left him, taking their three kids, after a pattern of hurtful behavior, evasiveness, and emotional immaturity.
- AJ struggles to accept responsibility, initially downplaying his actions.
- He frequently numbs out with video games, avoids conflict, and admits to making hurtful remarks, including calling his children "retarded."
- AJ feels lost, spinning between self-deception and uncertainty over whether he's "being gaslit" or just can't remember events.
Key Insights & Advice
- Dr. Delony stresses total ownership:
"The path for you, brother, is 100%. You can't escape this. It will track you down. A hundred percent ownership of reality." (06:11) - Dr. Delony challenges AJ’s avoidance, highlighting his pattern of evasion and the impact on his family:
“You are worth more than the life you’re spending on 55 different plates. You have to be exhausted, huh?” (14:30) - Dr. Delony advises radical presence and meaningful action:
"Take the video game controller and throw it away... start being present at home. And when I feel myself getting angry, [...] I'm going to exhale, [...] and stay present. Because I'm not a child. I'm a grown man." (12:20) - Suggests that AJ must clarify to himself: “Do you want to be married?” (12:11)
- Advocates full responsibility in therapy and with his spouse:
“Today’s Day One when I start taking full responsibility for my actions. And today is Day One I stop blaming, I stop spinning, I stop whining about how hard I’m working. Everybody’s working hard.” (16:27) - AJ’s self-acknowledgement:
"I realized that I'm basically a spineless, domesticated man child. And in my wife's defense, she's raised four kids last 15 years, not just three." (08:10)
Memorable Moment
Dr. Delony calls out the avoidance directly:
“If I — I couldn't be married to you for more than two seconds because you just spin circles around everything.” (11:33)
2. Phoebe: Finding Safety and Agency After Tragedy at Church
Timestamps: 21:03 – 35:21
Background
- Phoebe, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, describes her struggle to return to church after a nearby violent attack.
- She expresses deep fear for her young children's safety and worries about "living in fear" vs. being responsible.
Key Insights & Advice
- Validating fear:
“First and foremost, you are not crazy. Anybody who rolls into church this upcoming Sunday should have that little tinge of fear in their chest.” (25:10) - On rumination and planning:
“Rumination feels like productive thinking... it just dumps the same response chemicals into your bloodstream and says it's time to go.” (26:19) - Suggests balancing healing and participation:
“Give yourself permission to take a week off... That's not a statement of your faith. That's not a statement of your weakness. That's a statement of you honoring being a good steward of the mind and body that God gave you.” (33:29) - Dr. Delony emphasizes returning to real-world connection:
“The illusion of safety is gone. ...am I going to meditate on it and scroll through it... or I can go be a part of loving people well, in that community or in my community.” (29:42) - Distinguishes between normal, acute fear and being trapped by ongoing patterns of avoidance:
“If you do this forever... now I'm scared to, that's living in fear. That's not where you're at right now.” (34:56)
Quotes
- On agency and self-care:
“The way to prove to yourself that you're worthy of being trusted is listening to yourself.” (33:29)
3. Jessica: Pregnancy Loss, Grief, and the "Second Child" Dilemma
Timestamps: 39:54 – 55:42
Background
- Jessica, age 35, wonders whether to have another child mostly to give her daughter a sibling, though she does not deeply desire it.
- She and her husband endured years of infertility, traumatic pregnancy loss (named Gabriel), and a difficult birth with their daughter.
Key Insights & Advice
- Affirms the right to be “done”:
“If you're done, be done. There is some [scientific] literature... but you've been through hell. And it's okay not to want to go back through hell again.” (42:54) - Practical steps for grief:
- Write letters to Gabriel and read them aloud as a couple.
- Hold a brief memorial or ritual, no matter how long it's been.
- On emotional openness in marriage:
“Don't rob him of a chance to love you well. And carry some of these cinder blocks that you got inside you right now.” (53:22) - Warns of the "glass film" that unspoken grief creates between loved ones:
“Secrets will kill you. I don’t think they’ll kill you. I think they're just going to put a glass film between you and everyone who loves you.” (55:43)
- Advises setting a date for future discussion rather than deciding now.
Memorable Moment
Jessica shares her sense of shame and grief:
"I don't know if it's like shame or... something wrong with me that I cannot keep babies healthy." (51:05)
Dr. Delony gently replies:
“That’s when it hit me how heavy the grief was. ...holding it in and not wanting to say it out loud... that’s going to bury you on the inside.” (51:38)
4. Positive Listener Feedback: The Power of Honest Family Conversations
Timestamps: 59:11 – 61:36
- Autumn writes in to thank Dr. Delony for helping her family communicate openly about adoption and parenthood.
- Her story illustrates the generational benefits of honest, empathetic conversation.
Memorable Quote
"Kids do not come with instruction manuals... you never know how to approach things to make your kid better and not bitter. I just wanted to express our gratitude. You do make a difference in people's lives." (59:11)
Notable Quotes
- Dr. John Delony:
- "You have some soul searching to do and you have some actions to change." (16:27)
- "Today I become a rock that this family can anchor into." (16:27)
- “The way to give yourself, the way to prove to yourself that you’re worthy of being trusted is listening to yourself.” (33:29)
- AJ:
- "I'm a basically a spineless, domesticated man child." (08:10)
- Jessica:
- "I don't know if it's like shame or... something wrong with me that I cannot keep babies healthy." (51:05)
Key Timestamps for Segments
- AJ’s call (Marriage breakdown): 00:25 – 16:30
- Phoebe’s call (Fear at church): 21:03 – 35:21
- Jessica’s call (Second child after loss): 39:54 – 55:42
- Listener Letter from Autumn: 59:11 – 61:36
Summary
This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show is a moving, hard-hitting exploration of family pain, accountability, grief, fear, and healing. Dr. Delony’s tone is supportive and direct, urging each caller to face reality head on, own their actions, and find comfort and agency through honest self-reflection and genuine connection with loved ones.
He offers practical, empathetic tools for rebuilding trust, processing trauma, and communicating difficult truths—anchoring all advice in real human experience. Listeners are reminded that healing requires vulnerability, personal responsibility, and the willingness to walk through discomfort rather than maneuver around it.