The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode Title: My Wife Won't Leave Her Job for Me
Date: November 21, 2025
Podcast: The Dr. John Delony Show (Ramsey Network)

Episode Overview

This episode features Dr. John Delony taking live calls about personal relationships and mental health, diving into real issues from marriages in transition to family responses to abuse. The main theme focuses on navigating serious relationship crossroads, identity, and prioritizing mental and emotional well-being within partnerships and families.

The highlighted segment centers on a couple, Jack and Julie, struggling to redefine their marriage after years of shared business success and individual career pivots. The episode also addresses how to reclaim autonomy and safety after family trauma, and touches on emotional alienation within marriage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Partnership After Shared Career Success

[00:25–21:43]

• Jack and Julie’s Background:

  • Jack and Julie are a married couple who previously built a business together, sold it, and are now struggling with divergent career paths.
  • Julie, now a VP of Marketing/CMO, finds fulfillment in her new career, while Jack—a serial entrepreneur—feels adrift and unsuccessful without her business partnership.

• Core Conflict:

  • Jack deeply values the shared purpose and success they experienced building a business together, and is floundering alone. Julie is conflicted—enjoying her independence and career, yet feeling guilty for not helping Jack and for his emotional struggles.
  • Jack: “I'm kind of tired of failing.” [00:38]
  • Julie: “Do I owe that to him to help him fulfill his entrepreneurial dreams?” [05:20]

• Emotional Underpinnings:

  • Dr. Delony identifies that beneath Jack’s business concerns lies a deeper insecurity about his value and identity in the relationship.
  • Dr. Delony: "I'm wondering if... deep down, you're missing your wife." [10:21]

• Transition to "Marriage Part Two":

  • Dr. Delony reframes their crisis as the death of one phase of marriage and the challenge of building a new kind together, centered not on business but on intentional connection, shared purpose, and mutual support.
  • The importance of recognition, affirmation, and intentional, non-business shared time.

• Letting Go of the Past:

  • Julie asks how to move past the hope that working together again will fix the marriage. Jack admits uncertainty and sometimes ambivalence about truly letting go of their prior dynamic.
  • Jack: "I'd rather have just shut the door completely." [14:41]
  • Dr. Delony: “You’re putting her in a position... you break up with me, instead of hearing... I’m really feeling fulfilled in this version of my professional self right now.” [14:46]

• Practical Next Steps:

  • Honest conversations to clarify what they want as a couple, grieve the loss of the previous dynamic, and intentionally craft a new shared life with new routines and purposes.
  • Dr. Delony: “How do we reprioritize this amazing adventure we set out together on, called not starting a business, but being married?” [12:28]

2. Reclaiming Autonomy After Family Trauma

[24:41–39:21]

• Julie’s Story:

  • Survivor of domestic violence, now supporting her sister-in-law through similar abuse.
  • The abuser (her brother-in-law) is enabled by family, causing grief, anger, and isolation during family gatherings—especially around holidays.

• Dr. Delony’s Approach:

  • Advocates for radical ownership and boundary setting. Encourages Julie to focus on her own peace and not allow enablers of abuse to dictate her holidays or self-worth.
  • Encourages replacing rumination and anger with grief for what’s lost and intentional creation of new traditions.
  • Dr. Delony: “The only person you can control here is you. I am not going to let people who protect violent criminals get a vote in my day.” [31:19]
  • Dr. Delony: “Choose guilt over resentment. Choose safety over fear.” [37:34]

• Memorable Guidance:

  • “If you haven't wept for the picture that should be families taking care of each other, criminals in jail—you need to spend some time in grief.” [33:27]

3. Navigating Emotional Withdrawal in Marriage

[41:17–53:54]

• Cole’s Situation:

  • Married with two young kids, Cole describes his wife’s severe exhaustion, emotional distancing, dysregulated sleep patterns, and aversion to intimacy—ongoing for seven years since their children were born.
  • Despite seeing a therapist, improvement is minimal, and Cole fears losing his wife entirely.

• Dr. Delony’s Insight:

  • Identifies the combination of severe sleep disruption, withdrawal from all forms of feeling, and increasing isolation as significant mental health red flags.
  • Calls for a compassionate but direct intervention, possibly involving inpatient care, as incremental approaches have failed.
  • Dr. Delony: “I am watching my husband die.” – Sharing words his own wife used as a wakeup call. [47:42]
  • “Everything on a trend line is getting worse. So what I’m doing is not working. The way I’m hearing you describe it is like you’re holding a handful of sand and your wife is just beginning to slip through your fingers.” [49:04]
  • Urges Cole to voice his concern, enlist allies, and not postpone seeking serious help for his wife’s wellbeing for both her and their children.

4. Lighter Closing: Am I the Problem?

[54:39–56:00]

• Sloan’s Dilemma:
  • Terrified by husband’s aggressive driving, exacerbated by past trauma. Wonders if she's "the problem" for not wanting to ride with him.
  • Dr. Delony: “No, you’re not the problem. The solution is: I’m not going to ride in the car with you anymore. I’m choosing to get myself there safely.” [56:00]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I’m tired of feeling like a failure in my own house, in my own skin.” – Dr. Delony diagnosing the root issue for Jack [08:32]
• “The championship was over. The champagne runs out. Then she went and started pitching for another team.” – Dr. Delony’s vivid metaphor for lost shared purpose [09:44]
• “All grief is the gap between what we wanted to be true and what actually showed up.” – Dr. Delony on making peace with disappointment [36:51]
• “You’re not crazy. Choose guilt over resentment. Choose safety over fear.” – Dr. Delony empowering a caller to set boundaries [37:34]
• “I miss my wife. I’m watching you slowly exit the life you live in. And we’re gonna go get some help.” – Dr. Delony urging direct, loving intervention [50:56]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Jack & Julie Segment – Marriage, Identity, and Career: 00:25–21:43
• Julie Reclaiming Family Boundaries (Abuse & Holidays): 24:41–39:21
• Cole’s Call: Wife’s Emotional Withdrawal/Depression: 41:17–53:54
• Sloan “Am I the Problem?” Aggressive Driving: 54:39–56:00

Tone & Closing Thoughts

Dr. Delony’s tone throughout is empathetic, direct, occasionally humorous, and always rooted in realism and validation. He affirms callers’ emotional experiences, generously shares his own vulnerabilities, and is quick to reframe self-criticism into actionable insight. The episode encourages honest, sometimes difficult self-reflection and conversation—prioritizing love, safety, and intentionality over guilt or nostalgia for the past.

This makes the episode a must-listen for anyone navigating major relationship transitions, grappling with boundaries after trauma, or trying to make sense of emotional distance in long-term partnerships.