The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Wife’s Stand-Up Dream Is Hurting Our Bank Account
Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony
Podcast Network: Ramsey Network

EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode of "The Dr. John Delony Show" centers on practical, heartfelt advice for real-life marriage, parenting, and mental health challenges. Dr. John takes calls from listeners dealing with topics like supporting a spouse’s unstable artistic dream, navigating financial pressures, building friendships for isolated stay-at-home parents, and coping with lingering postpartum depression. Throughout, the conversation is honest and compassionate, focusing on communication, boundaries, emotional honesty, and concrete next steps.

1. Supporting a Spouse’s Dream vs. Managing Financial Stress

Caller: "Dave" from Nashville
Starts: [00:05]
Key Segment: [00:05] – [16:48]

Discussion Points

• The Dilemma:
  Dave’s wife left her preschool teaching job due to recurring illness (exacerbated by classroom germs) and is now pursuing a budding career in stand-up comedy. Dave supports her—but is anxious about unpredictable finances, feeling pressure as he picks up extra side hustles. /// /// “How can I tell my wife I’m struggling with financial pressures without discouraging her dream career?” (Dave, [00:05])

• Their Approach:
  Dave and his wife have discussed their path thoughtfully, budgeted for risks, and set check-in points, but recent setbacks (car theft, unexpected expenses) exceeded their buffer.

• Guilt and Resentment:
  Dave notices his honest expressions of stress make his wife feel guilty for “not contributing enough,” even though he reassures her daily of her value in their partnership.

Key Insights & Dr. John’s Advice

• Three Core Issues Identified:
  1. The Math Problem – Ensuring basic expenses are covered.
  2. Emotional Reality – Each spouse expressing feelings without “fixing” or rescuing the other.
  3. Setting an End Date – Couples fare better with hardship when there’s a review date or limits (e.g., “We’ll reevaluate comedy as a career path in March.”).

“I need to be able to say the thing that I’m feeling, and not take full responsibility for the other person’s response to that.”
(Dr. John, [08:10])

• Conflict-Connection Principle:

  “Conflict is connection—it’s actually a good thing.”
  (Dr. John, [10:51])

• Permission to Feel: Both partners need “permission” to feel sick, frustrated, or guilty without spiraling—or trying to “rescue” each other.

• Benchmarks Matter: Periodic check-ins are vital, not just for financials but to see if the art/career itself is still bringing joy or if it’s become a burden.

“People can go through any kind of hardship if there’s an end date to it... Is the train slowly moving out of the station?”
(Dr. John, [11:59]; [13:36])

• Practical Communication Script: Dr. John gives Dave specific language to use when checking in with his wife, focusing on mutual vulnerability rather than blame or shame.

“I want to have permission… after working my third shift… to be frustrated some days. And I don’t want you to take that into a shame spiral…”
(Dr. John, [15:33])

Notable Moments

• Dr. John shares his own transition to a risky, commission-based career ([04:37]), underscoring that these tensions are universal.
• Candid, relatable description of the “figure eight dance” of marital conflict and reconciliation ([11:42]).
• Heartfelt encouragement for supporting each other’s dreams, mixed with realism about the cost.

2. Helping a Stressed Stay-at-Home Mom Build Friendships

Caller: From Salt Lake City
Starts: [19:39]
Key Segment: [19:39] – [29:03]

Discussion Points

• Caller’s Challenge:
  His wife, a stay-at-home mom to three young kids, feels isolated, with minimal social contact outside family (they live in his sister-in-law’s basement).

• Living Situation Tension:
  Dr. John highlights how living with extended family can keep people stuck in old roles and create underlying tension, even where relationships seem “good.”

“It’s like being on a farm and walking one inch from an electric fence all the time... That is stressful.”
(Dr. John, [23:58])

• The Real Cost of Saving Money:
  Economic benefit of sharing space might be outweighed by the mental/emotional toll.

Supportive Strategies

• Framing Socialization as a Gift:
  Instead of telling a spouse “you need more friends,” frame it as “it would be a gift to me if you found ways to connect or have girl time,” so it’s not a lecture or critique ([25:08]).

• Lead by Example:
  The caller’s lack of male friends may also contribute—he should form his own circles, modeling social connection for his wife.

“Behavior is a language. We need friends. I’m going first.”
(Dr. John, [28:29])

• Gradual Move to Independence:
  Dr. John suggests looking at the economics of getting their own place, even if it’s small. “You can begin coming up with the rhythms of your own home.” ([28:30])

Memorable Quote

“For a new mom and a new wife, that is exhausting to walk that close to an electric fence, especially when you get shocked every once in a while.”
(Dr. John, [29:00])

3. Coping with Postpartum Depression and the Power of Journaling

Caller: Katie from Salt Lake City
Starts: [31:27]
Key Segment: [31:27] – [49:11]

Discussion Points

• Katie’s Struggle:
  14 months postpartum, in a difficult mental health season—especially due to her daughter’s delayed speech and ongoing sleeplessness. She’s tried to journal but faces resistance and self-judgment.

• Partner Dynamics:
  Her husband is present and supportive with the children, but asks, “What do I do?” when Katie says she is struggling. Both feel stuck; Katie has a long-held sense of being a burden.

Dr. John’s Advice

• Shift from Fixing to Presence:

“The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother really well.”
(Dr. John, [34:50])

Don’t approach a struggling spouse as ‘broken’—instead, be with them, offering calm presence.

• Coping vs. Healing: Katie has “coped” her whole life but may never have truly addressed (“walked through”) her mental health challenges.

“You’ve never looked at what’s on fire in the house... You’ve learned some good meditative techniques to tune it out... but you’ve never looked at what’s on fire.”
(Dr. John, [39:18])

• Worthiness and Self-Compassion: Katie struggles with the feeling she’s a burden, but Dr. John insists, “You’re not broken. Your body’s probably working pretty dang good.” ([39:57])

• Practical Journaling Advice: Journaling as a “skill” that requires practice. Dr. John offers to enroll her in a guided journaling program (Holy Work by Luke Lever), which uses “free write” and prompts.

“Curiosity over judgment.”
(Dr. John, [46:29])

• Normalize Difficult Feelings: It’s okay to have days where you don’t want to look at your kids, or think about running away—doesn’t make you a bad mom, just human ([47:24]).

Memorable Quotes

“There are days you want to get in your car and drive from Salt Lake City to the Panhandle of Florida and change your name and disappear. And that doesn’t make you a bad mom. That makes you human.”
(Dr. John, [47:24])

“You’re worth all that stuff… You’re worth writing your hard thoughts out. You’re worth going to see a doctor. You’re worth telling your husband, I just want you to hold me for 30 minutes.”
(Dr. John, [48:09])

Concrete Action Steps

• Seek professional help (especially if PPD is severe and long-lasting)
• Journal honestly, writing even the thoughts you’re ashamed of—focus on curiosity, not self-judgment
• Prioritize small, regular social connections, even if schedules resist
• Communicate direct needs for emotional presence, not advice

4. Reconnecting with Estranged Parents

Listener Letter: Kealia from Chicago
Starts: [51:09]
Key Segment: [51:09] – [52:58]

Story

• Kealia writes about her long-fractured relationship with her father, noting she finally set boundaries and, after initial difficulty, has now reconnected on improved—if still complicated—terms.

“I finally had the opportunity to let my dad know how I feel and put some boundaries in place... We forgave each other for various things. Since then, he has been more forthcoming and honest with me.”
(Listener letter, [51:28])

• Dr. John reinforces the value of “wading through tension” and that sometimes conflict can lead to connection, even if outcomes aren’t perfect.

NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• “Connection is found in conflict, and that's a great thing for all married people.”
  (Dr. John, [16:38])

• “Both are true: It’s messy right now, and I’m still all in.”
  (Dr. John, [09:30])

• “You're worth going to see a doctor. You're worth telling your husband, I just want you to hold me for 30 minutes.”
  (Dr. John, [48:09])

TIMESTAMPS OF IMPORTANT SEGMENTS

• [00:05] – Dave’s question: Supporting wife’s stand-up career vs. financial stress
• [08:10] – Dr. John on emotional honesty and responsibility
• [11:00] – Conflict as connection
• [13:36] – Importance of periodic reviews/checkpoints for risky career transitions
• [19:39] – Caller struggling to help wife make friends as a stay-at-home mom
• [23:58] – Living with family and the “electric fence” analogy
• [28:29] – The importance of adults modeling friendship building
• [31:27] – Katie’s call about postpartum depression, journaling, and feeling like a burden
• [39:18] – Difference between coping and healing
• [46:29] – “Curiosity over judgment”—journaling advice
• [47:24] – Normalizing tough parental feelings
• [51:28] – Listener letter on reconciling with a parent

SUMMARY

This episode is a masterclass in honest, practical advice delivered with kindness and humor, peppered with Dr. John’s characteristic empathy and personal anecdotes. Whether you’re supporting a spouse through a risky dream, managing household tension, or fighting your own mental health battles, the episode delivers clear, actionable wisdom: communicate openly (without rescuing or blaming), set explicit benchmarks for risky decisions, nurture friendships, and, most importantly, give yourself and your loved ones permission to feel—all while keeping connection at the center.