The Dr. John Delony Show: “She Cheated on Me and Gave Me an STI”

Podcast: The Dr. John Delony Show (Ramsey Network)
Air Date: October 10, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony
Main Theme: Real, caller-driven conversations about relationships, betrayal, self-worth, and navigating toxic situations.

Brief Overview

This episode confronts deep issues of betrayal, toxic relationships, marital trust, and personal boundaries. Dr. John Delony takes calls from listeners coping with painful relationships—ranging from cheating and transmission of STIs to emotional neglect, addiction, and cycles of misery. Through clear, sometimes bracing advice, Dr. Delony emphasizes self-worth, the necessity of personal boundaries, and the urgent need to break free from destructive patterns. The tone is direct, empathetic, and unflinchingly honest, providing both tough love and supportive next steps for listeners in crisis.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jared’s Relationship Crisis: Betrayal & STI

(00:05–13:12)

• Caller Background:
  Jared describes meeting a woman four years ago he thought he’d marry. Early in the relationship, she cheated, resulting in Jared contracting herpes for life. Despite repeated betrayals and the trauma of living with an STI, Jared struggles to leave the relationship—a pattern that continues even after significant emotional and financial losses.

• Dr. Delony’s Response:

  • Self-Worth & Boundaries:
    Dr. Delony repeatedly calls out Jared’s lack of self-respect and highlights the destructive cycle he’s stuck in.
    • “I care and love this man named Jared in Nashville, Tennessee, in my neighborhood. I love this guy. I respect him. Where is that voice?” (03:41)
  • Unfixable Situation:
    Advises that the relationship is untenable, as Jared’s partner has a clear pattern:
    • “You have a paper sack with a rattlesnake in it. You can't get mad at the snake. That's what it does. It bites. And you keep putting your hand back in there.” (04:08)
  • Letting Go of False Hope:
    Emphasizes Jared cannot change his partner or control her choices:
    • “You don't have that power. You can't change her. She has established who she is.” (04:24)
  • Breaking the Cycle:
    Points out that staying is a choice:
    • “You're so transfixed with this woman that you've given her common sense. You've given her your health, you've given her your soul. You're a living babysitter for her. You're a meal ticket for her and you're a punching bag for her.” (07:34)
  • Analogy of Intervention:
    Sometimes you stop what’s causing harm even if you don’t fully understand it:
    • “In medicine, there's a rule...even if we don't know why that medicine is making them worse, we stop the making them worse part...So...when someone's beating you down, that's not the moment to figure out why the punches are coming. You have to get away from the fight.” (09:49)
  • Readiness for Change:
    Dr. Delony concludes Jared isn’t ready to make the hard choice, but promises support when he is:
    • “When you're ready for that, my man, you call me and I'll walk with you on the way out...But you're not there yet.” (12:34)

2. Lynn’s Marriage: Trust Broken by Secret Pornography Addiction

(15:02–32:05)

• Caller Background:
  Lynn, married for 30 years, feels betrayed by her husband’s longstanding pornography use and secretive behavior. She describes repeated instances of catching him in lies and feeling emotionally abandoned, particularly during her pregnancies.

• Dr. Delony’s Response:

  • This Isn’t About Lynn:
    Emphasizes that her husband’s addiction is not about Lynn’s desirability or actions:
    • “This hasn't ever been about you other than you had a fantasy about the man you were with, and you ignored signal after a signal after signal...” (21:46)
  • Choosing Misery:
    Acknowledges Lynn has “exposed a behavior” and is now actively choosing to remain miserable unless steps are taken:
    • “You've lost trust in yourself.” (23:49)
  • Demanding a Roadmap for Rebuilding Trust:
    Dr. Delony advocates for clear, actionable measures, e.g.,
    -“That means no Internet for six months...flip phone...no social media accounts or I'm linked to every one of them...Whatever will allow you to reestablish trust.” (24:55)
  • Giving ‘Lynn’ a Vote:
    Encourages Lynn to set hard personal boundaries:
    • “When are you going to give Lynn a vote?” (28:11)
    • “Today, Lynn gets a vote. And here's what that means. If you lie again, you're out of my home...” (28:29)
  • Facing the Personal Cost:
    Points out how years of denial have eroded Lynn’s sense of self:
    • “Every time you do this, you bury a part of yourself a little bit deeper...” (29:12)
  • Next Steps:
    Recommends radical honesty with her husband and children, and making “Lynn” her own priority for perhaps the first time.

3. Mara’s Marital Burnout: Emotional Exhaustion & Disconnection

(33:50–49:41)

• Caller Background:
  Mara, disabled and a mother of special-needs children, feels overwhelmed, unsupported, and resentful in her marriage after years of hardship and her husband’s emotional withdrawal.

• Dr. Delony’s Response:

  • Recognizing the Mutual Prison:
    Notes both partners are trapped:
    • “You have built a prison for yourselves. And here's the prison: we have to homeschool. I can't work, so I have to run two businesses...And at the same time, he's probably sitting there thinking, ‘I have to work full time...keep the lights on.’” (45:06)
  • Cycle of Resentment:
    Explains how couples can become locked in patterns of disappointment and mutual discomfort.
    • “I'm uncomfortable. I'm numbing out. I'm going to try to fix your discomfort. You didn't do it right. I'm numbing out and it just happens this way.” (44:02)
  • Disrupting the Pattern—Radical Reset:
    Advises one partner must courageously break the cycle:
    • “The only way I've ever seen that cycle disrupted is when one person says, ‘I'm not living like this anymore. I'm swiping the deck clean. I have co-created this with you. I want to build a new marriage. Will you build it with me? Because I'm going to change.’” (45:38)
  • Concrete Tools:
    Offers resources:
    • Financial Peace University and the Every Dollar app for financial help.
    • “Building a Non Anxious Life” book for a new relational framework.
    • “I want to build a new marriage. Are you in? Which will be the scariest question anybody asks. That’s my hope for you, sister.” (47:22)

4. Listener Email: Outgrowing Old Friendships Drenched in Misery

(52:14–56:12)

• Listener Situation:
  Nicole asks if she’s selfish for distancing herself from old friends whose conversations are filled with negativity while she’s in a happy life stage.

• Key Points:

  • It’s Not Wrong to Seek Joy:
    Dr. Delony validates her choice and explains the concept of “co-rumination.”
    • “Your friends don’t want your support. They want your co-misery.” (53:23)
    • “It just is a reality that y’alls lives have diverged, and you’re going to lean towards joy and they’re going to lean towards misery...” (53:54)
  • Letting Go is Part of Life:
    Kelly, the show producer, echoes the need to sometimes gently let old friendships fade, especially when they become emotionally draining.
  • Crabs in a Bucket Analogy:
    Kelly shares:
    • “They’ll pull each other down if one tries to climb out...” (55:24)
  • Choosing Joy, Even If It Means Walking Alone:
    • “Head towards Joy. And if people don’t want to go with you, it can be a lonely trip...but I promise there are other people on that path.” (55:54)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Where is your self-respect?” – Dr. John Delony (03:32)
• “You have a paper sack with a rattlesnake in it. You can't get mad at the snake. That's what it does. It bites.” – Dr. John Delony (04:08)
• “I'm not telling you anything you don't know. I just can't.” – Dr. John Delony (09:10)
• “When are you going to give Lynn a vote?” – Dr. John Delony (28:11)
• “Every time you do this, you bury a part of yourself a little bit deeper.” – Dr. John Delony (29:12)
• “You have built a prison for yourselves.” – Dr. John Delony (45:06)
• “Will you build it with me? Because I'm going to change.” – Dr. John Delony (45:38)
• “Your friends don’t want your support. They want your co-misery.” – Dr. John Delony (53:23)
• “You give your kids a vote. You give the community a vote. ... When are you going to give Lynn a vote?” – Dr. John Delony (28:11)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:05–13:12] – Jared’s call: Relationship betrayal, self-worth, and breaking toxic chains.
• [15:02–32:05] – Lynn’s call: Marriage, trust, and hidden addictions.
• [33:50–49:41] – Mara’s call: Overwhelm and emotional disconnect in marriage.
• [52:14–56:12] – Nicole’s email: Letting go of miserable friendships and seeking joy.

Summary

This episode exemplifies Dr. John Delony’s “real talk” approach to messy, complex relationship and life challenges. Whether dealing with infidelity, lifelong secrets, paralyzing hurt, or the grief of outgrowing friends, the message is consistent: healing begins with reclaiming self-worth and making bold, sometimes uncomfortable choices. Listeners are reminded that while support and guidance are available, true change requires personal courage—the willingness to say “I’m worth more than this,” to leave the boxing ring, and to finally give themselves the vote that has long been denied.