The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: The Girl I Dated Put Something in My Drink . . .
Date: November 7, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony, Ramsey Network

Overview

This episode of The Dr. John Delony Show features powerful, deeply personal conversations with callers dealing with trauma, infidelity, and co-parenting conflicts. Dr. John provides direct, compassionate insight on coping with sexual assault as a man, rebuilding marital trust after an affair, and managing the challenges of co-parenting across dramatically different households. The core thread throughout is about taking ownership, seeking authentic healing, and moving forward with wisdom and integrity, especially through unexpected and painful circumstances.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Coping with Sexual Assault as a Man

Caller: Tony from Princeton, NJ
Segment Timestamp: [00:28]–[15:33]

• Tony’s Story: Tony shares that, after a second date with a woman he met, he lost memory of the night and woke up with strong indications he had been drugged and raped ([00:20], [01:41]). He struggles with disorientation, fear, and loss of safety—emotions he’s never experienced before.

  “I realize now I’ve never lived with fear in my whole life for anything. And now I’m living with fear of everything.” — Tony, [04:22]

• Dr. John's Response: Dr. John affirms Tony’s courage and stresses it's not his fault, emphasizing trauma isn’t about physical strength but about loss of autonomy:

  “You didn’t lose control of yourself, Tony. You had your autonomy stolen from you.” — Dr. John, [03:01]

• Understanding Trauma:

  • Trauma is described as a severing from reality and self.
  • Dr. John discusses how men can feel shame due to stereotypes and the incongruity between their physicality and what happened ([03:18]–[04:56]).

• Path to Healing:

  • Immediate intellectual understanding isn’t enough; Tony must engage with trauma-focused therapy.
  • Healing involves reconnecting with reality, acknowledging constant risk but regaining a safe baseline state ([05:07]–[06:47]).
  • Dr. John stresses the importance of patience and grace: “It’s very, very fresh. So give yourself some grace, okay? Give yourself some grace.” [06:49]

• Triggers & Grief:

  • Tony describes panic when encountering someone similar to his attacker, and missing major events due to anxiety.
  • Dr. John explains: “That’s healing. That same wiring is the wiring used... when you got attacked by a tiger... Give yourself grace. You're not going to go back to a time of innocence. That’s what makes assault and rape so awful, is it steals innocence.” ([07:47]–[08:49])
  • Dr. John normalizes Tony’s reactions, underlining how common self-blame is for victims ([12:04]–[12:11]).

• Practical Next Steps:

  • Stay in active trauma therapy (“...sit with that therapist and say, I'm ready. Go face a dragon.” [15:26]).
  • Keep a journal to track “stories” and emotional experiences ([15:41]).
  • Accept that there is no going back—only a new way forward, rebuilt with wisdom, boundaries, and self-compassion.

2. Living With Integrity After Infidelity

Caller: Marie from Fargo, ND
Segment Timestamp: [21:46]–[36:07]

• Marie’s Situation:

  • She confessed to her husband about a two-year affair that began during his military deployment, initially framing it as only emotional due to fear of his reaction ([22:02]–[23:44]).
  • Now, after full disclosure, she struggles with guilt, fears about repeating mistakes, and her husband’s lingering distrust as he prepares for another deployment.

• Dr. John’s Guidance:

  • Genuine integrity begins with full ownership, not blaming circumstances or spousal behavior:

    “Ownership after infidelity is... I chose to sleep and have sex with somebody else that I wasn’t married to. Yeah, that’s the root of the integrity you’re seeking here.” ([25:33])

  • Acknowledges that disclosure is not the same as integrity—real change comes with responsibility and behavioral commitment.

• Restoring Trust:

  • The betrayed partner gets to set the terms for rebuilding trust (transparency, passwords, accountability)—and Marie must decide if she is committed to this process ([29:10]–[30:01]).
  • Dr. John underlines the futility of trying to make her husband feel safe while he’s away; it's a natural consequence of betrayal and distance.

• Marie’s Deeper Hesitation:

  • When asked, Marie admits uncertainty about even wanting to remain married (“I want my kids to have a happy family.” — Marie, [34:28]), exposing deeper relational fractures.
  • Dr. John encourages her to confront these truths directly and initiate hard, honest conversations:

    “You need to go sit with him and be honest about that. That’s integrity.” ([34:44])

  • Emphasizes mutual ownership and no more secrets:

    “It is exhaling and becoming whole, taking full ownership of your actions and then saying, how can I reestablish trust with you?” ([36:07])

3. Co-Parenting With Different Values

Caller: Rachel from Grand Rapids, MI
Segment Timestamp: [40:13]–[53:29]

• Rachel’s Dilemma:

  • Recently remarried, Rachel faces opposition from her ex-husband, who dislikes her household’s structured, religious upbringing for their child ([41:20]–[42:06]).
  • The ex has tried legal action to prevent certain practices (e.g., attending church), doubts communication, and occasionally has public meltdowns at child exchanges.

• Dr. John’s Approach:

  • When civil discussion is impossible, the ex “doesn’t get a vote.” Rachel should focus on her household’s values and not let her ex’s behavior dictate daily life:

    “...if y’all can’t sit down and have a conversation like adults... he doesn’t get a vote. Y’all are divorced. As long as you are honoring those children and not abusing those children and raising them in the way that you know and your new spouse knows is the most loving whole way we can treat these kids.” ([44:08]–[44:32])

  • Anticipate recurring conflict and accept that occasional legal disputes may be unavoidable: “You will end up back in court...Trying to live every second to not end up in court, it doesn’t keep you out of court. It just ruins your day.” ([46:02])

• Managing Emotional Fallout:

  • Dr. John encourages Rachel to “not let someone else walk into my living room and ruin my day” ([47:41]).
  • He uses empathy to contextualize her ex’s occasional outbursts, while still reinforcing boundaries and safety: “I'm not excusing what he did. I'm just trying to give you some healing paths so that nine months later, every drop off, you don't grip the steering wheel extra tight.” ([52:37])
  • Focus on the long game in parenting, not winning weekend battles:

    “I want a 25-year-old young adult who looks back and says, ‘Oh my gosh, my mom stuck to her values and loved me well.’ ” ([53:19])

4. Am I the Problem? (Listener Mailbag)

Question: Should I ask my brother not to bring his wife (a serial cheater) to family events?
Segment Timestamp: [58:38]–[61:54]

• Dr. John’s Direct Answer:
  • Boundaries are warranted when someone repeatedly hurts your loved ones:

    “...if you are my sister, my brother, my in laws, my whoever, there comes a moment where your actions shift you to a person that is making my mother cry. You're a person that's hurting my brother or my sister or my dad, whoever. And I being a person of character will not sit by and be quiet when someone is … actively hurting someone I love and care about.” ([59:50])

  • He distinguishes between setting boundaries and being a doormat or “turning the other cheek” ([61:54]).

Notable Quotes

• Dr. John:

  • “You had your autonomy stolen from you.” [03:01]
  • “The definition of trauma is a disconnection from yourself. It severs the tie between you and what you know to be real and true.” [03:27]
  • “You're not going to go back to a time of innocence. That's what makes assault and rape so awful, is it steals innocence.” [08:49]
  • “Ownership after infidelity is… I chose to sleep and have sex with somebody else that I wasn’t married to. That’s the root of the integrity you’re seeking here.” [25:33]
  • “You trying to solve that for him. That's a fool’s errand. You can't do that. It's just gonna…be a thing you're gonna have to metabolize.” [30:01]
  • “If y’all can’t sit down and have a conversation like adults… he doesn't get a vote. Y’all are divorced.” [44:08]
  • “Trying to live every minute, every second to not end up in court, it doesn’t keep you out of court. It just ruins your day.” [46:02]
  • “Turning the other cheek doesn't mean be a punching bag. And turning the other cheek doesn't mean be a doormat.” [61:54]

• Caller (Tony):

  • “I realize now I’ve never lived with fear in my whole life for anything. And now I’m living with fear of everything.” [04:22]
  • “There were signs that normally I pick up on and I’m having a very difficult time giving myself the grace like you were talking about before.” [10:50]

Important Timestamps

• [00:28] Tony introduces his trauma story (drugged and assaulted on a date)
• [02:46] Discussing the difficulty of being a male victim
• [07:04] Tony describes panic attack in the gym
• [14:13] Dr. John lays out the path of trauma healing
• [21:46] Marie asks about living with integrity after betraying her husband
• [25:33] The necessity of full ownership after an affair
• [32:24] Marie admits to sleeping in her car, unable to face her own bed after the affair
• [34:19] Marie unsure if she wants to stay married
• [40:13] Rachel describes co-parenting with a hostile ex
• [44:08] Dr. John empowers Rachel to define her own household values
• [47:41] Managing emotions and refusing to give the ex power over her day
• [53:05] Parenting for the long game after divorce
• [58:38] “Am I the problem?” – Question about boundaries with cheating in-law

Tone and Language

Dr. John maintains his trademark mix of directness, empathy, and practicality. He’s gentle but does not sugarcoat painful truths. The callers' voices are vulnerable, often struggling with shame, regret, or confusion, and Dr. John meets them firmly with respect, validation, and actionable advice.

For Listeners Unfamiliar with the Episode

This episode exemplifies Dr. John Delony’s no-nonsense, deeply compassionate approach to the hardest challenges of mental health, relationships, and family life. The stories are raw and honest, tackling stigmas and offering not just comfort but tools and mindsets for true healing. Whether you’re reeling from betrayal, navigating trauma, or just trying to keep your peace through family storms, Dr. John’s wisdom offers both practical steps and hope for the future.